 Anybody want to chat? Anybody want to help old needers out and have a chit chat? It's cold. Santa Ana winds have kicked up. I don't want to turn the heater on because the filters have been cleaned so it would just like blast dust in here. So I'm layered. I had an appointment to get my eyebrows done and then my agoraphobia kicked in and I didn't make it. I hope you guys will come in and chat with me. I have a few things I want to talk about and you guys have always been here to help me and some call in Dr. Bombay as like I always do. It's not necessarily about weight, but about life and about health and about one day at a time. Hi, Ana. Is my neck stiff? No, I'm cold. It's just a scarf. I'm going one day at a time. Today is a good day. Today. I actually got out of bed before before 1 o'clock. I got out of bed at 8 30. Hi, Mary. Oh, I'm happy to see you too. Is it Wendy down there? Hi, Bobby. Hi, Roberta. Oh, I was hoping you guys would all pop in and keep me company. I'm so used to just sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. I haven't needed any company. But I was sitting here on the couch and I'm like, okay, well, what should I do? Hi, Kathleen. Oh, gosh, maybe I should have some lunch and I looked at the clock and it was only 11 o'clock. All right. Well, I need to do some talking. Hop on. See who's out there wants to talk back. Am I freezing? I'm, you know what, Bobby? Do you guys have your water? I haven't said it in so long, but I'm cold only because, well, not only because, but I got got ice water in here and our Santa Annas have kicked in. So we have really old windows. So it does get cold in here. Hello, Barbara. You know what? I should have made some some decaf, Bobby, before I hopped on here. But you know me, I just get in the mood to talk to you guys. And I just hop on no matter, gosh, pitiful. Hello, Jessica. Thank you. I love it too. I mean, I I needed it like I needed a hole in my head, but I got it. So I just wanted to get on here and talk selfishly for my own reason, because I'm trying to very, very, very slowly make a plan on getting my life back. And I know that some of you will talk with me about that. And I know that some of you won't. And that's totally cool. Even if one of you will stick it out with me so I can talk to somebody, that would be awesome. Those 15 of you guys in here. Hi, guys. Hi, Jackie. Thank you. I miss you guys, too. So much going on, as you guys know. What's going on with me, Bobby? Let me let me. I know you will. And thank you. I'll crack it down in a nutshell. Everybody knows. But for anybody who if you're new here, welcome. I have to say that I'm normally very chipper, happy. Fun. I like to think of fun. Hello, Sandra. I'm not a beat gal, but I've had this last. Well, we know the year of the sea kicked all of our butts. And then this last. Two months ago, really kicked my butt. My daughter passed away. And during the sea, which I don't say the word because YouTube doesn't like the sea word or all the words pertaining to that that that season of our life, then they they push our videos back and nobody can see them. So so during yeah, Bobby, and I got to be really careful because I want to come on your talk and get my ideas out on what I plan to do, what I want, what I want to do, whether I can do it or not is a whole other opera. But so I'm going to be really careful in what I say, because I don't want to start crying. Was it the no, it wasn't. OK, so this is I'm trying not to make this a downer video. It's just it is what it is. Thank you, Jackie. During the second half. Of that great season, I went into huge, huge depression. And a gore phobia set in. So I was like, literally a prisoner in my own home. I wouldn't go anywhere. Thankfully, I'm married to my prince charming, who does all the shopping and does everything I need. I mean, even if I need something in the garage, he'll go get it for me. You know, it's like, I don't go to the garage. But I can't get to the market and I can't get to marshals and I can't get to home goods and it's really hard for me to drive. OK, so I was already there already in that place. I stopped watching what I was eating. I stopped any kind of exercise whatsoever. Because I didn't care. And then, let's see, December the. Seventh. My daughter's place of employment called and said that she hadn't been in for three days. And that I was on the emergency list. Could I help them? They had called the police. The police. It's very, it's very interesting. I'll explain it to you in a minute. The police went to her home and they could hear her phone ringing in her bedroom that she wasn't answering it and her door was locked. But they wouldn't they wouldn't pound the door down. So I hung up with the landlord and I immediately called the fire department and they went over there. They were there so fast, you guys. I just want to tell you right now, if you need somebody to bust the door down, don't bother with the police. Call the fire department. And they got over there and they they found my daughter in her bedroom. And she had been passed away, probably two to three days. So the most horrendous thing that can happen to any of us as mothers, right? I'm not going to cry because I came on here to talk about what I'm going to do to get my life back because I need to get my life back. We haven't gotten the autopsy back yet. So we still don't know how she passed away. They found her on her bed. So, of course, I just went back into a deeper depression, never got out of bed, all that stuff, all the stuff that you would imagine as a mother yourself or any of those things. I did, you know, I just didn't do anything. All of our Christmas stuff is still up because I just don't feel like taking it down. We had Chelsea's Memorial last Saturday. It was the most beautiful memorial I've ever seen. It was everything I wanted and more for her. We got so much love and so much support. And there were people there from her kindergarten class to her her current job that she had and people in between in her life and people from my life. And it was just it was beautiful. It was amazing. So what's today's Friday, right? Today, for some reason, I was able to get out of bed. I woke up at eight. I swung my legs over and I got out of bed at eight thirty, which, trust me, you guys, it was a huge feat. Swung my leg over, it was a huge feat. And I got up and I made some coffee and I made it normal, a normal. I got your card, Tracy. Thank you so much. A normal morning. I had some coffee. I turned on the news. I took a shower and now to you guys, you could be going, oh, when I tell you this next little ditty, go, oh, my gosh. I haven't taken a shower since last Saturday, since her funeral because when you don't care, you don't care, right? It's like and I haven't been out running around in the streets and I smell like sweat and, you know, I haven't been riding my bike and, you know, walking around Disneyland. It's just I just stayed in the same clothes. I changed out my shirt maybe sometime. Brushed my teeth. That was the one thing I always did. So today is my first day of living life normally and it is huge progress, Tracy. It's it's I wish you guys knew how huge it was. Sorry, I can't talk right now. I can't talk right now. And, you know, and I don't care if anybody were to judge. It's it's I mean, it's it's my heart's shattered. Thank you. My heart's shattered. And so many pieces, but I have to tell you this. Like I said, there was a large turnout and we were sitting in the front row. Grandpa, Oliver, me, my son and Oliver got up and he spoke on behalf of his mother. We didn't ask him to. We didn't suggest it. We didn't put anything in his head. All we knew is is the lady who did the program for us, who raised Chelsea in the school that she went to. Can't believe this. Was kept just saying anybody else? Anybody else like to come up with anybody else like to come up? And next thing I know, my boy, who's 12 feet tall in his suit, got up there and he talked and he thanked people for coming for his mommy. And I was just blown away. I've never been so proud of anybody in my entire life. I'm not going to cry because we've got to move on. So that's where we are. So today I get up. I actually I had coffee. I had a yogurt and I've decided that and I'm talking baby steps. You guys, because she's she's only been gone a little bit over a month. Having a cup of coffee, taking a shower and getting dressed in clothes that are not pajamas is a huge, huge feat for me. When Steve comes home and he sees that I've brushed my hair and got dressed. I should spritz little perfume on, right? He's going to be shocked. And I can't do it all in one fell swoop. It would be unnatural for one. It would be disgraceful to me and to Oliver. So I'm just going to take it a little at a time. And like I've been reading some different things that have been suggested to me. I'm going to go in the in the kitchen now. The kitchen needs to be unloaded and loaded. I'm just going to unload it. And then when I feel like loading it, I'll load it. But I'm not going to whirlwind through the house. Oh, the laundry, though. Oh, my God, you guys. OK, so let's go back to let's get off this and go back to weight. When I got into my depression during the bid, I gained. Sixty pounds, six zero, not 16, not six. I gained 60 pounds. I am the heaviest I've ever been in my life right now. And then with the passing of my girl. Oh, boy, I just really I mean that it was like. And you're right, Bobby, the weight can wait, but I'm so unhealthy. I'm so extremely unhealthy. Getting up and down my stairs is just a feat. Um, and I don't like the way I feel. And I don't like the reason I have piles. Oh, oh, that was weird. It's in one person. Um, piles and piles of clothes is because I have piles of fat clothes. Or I'm I'm referring to myself. So nobody take offense if you're overweight or whatever. And I have piles of when I was thinner. I mean, I'm so in piles of clothes in between. Right. So I need to start just working on myself. I haven't moved my body, my body just aches. And I'm going to just do a little bit at a time. And I came on here to say this so that I can be held accountable somewhere. I'm going to pull my treadmill out. And even if I only walk on it for five minutes a day, that's five minutes more than I've been walking in the last two years. Close up, Bobby, you have no idea my because I carry all my weight in my stomach, my stomach, holy cow. And it's hard to hide unless you can find a nice long tunic. Right. Hey, do any of you guys know where to find a nice long tunic with a v-neck because the way I'm built, that would be ideal. Like the shirt I have on now, of course, is one of my Disney shirts, but it's warm. I don't even look pregnant, Bobby. I mean, it's because it's all though, it's so much bigger. It looks like I'm carrying a binary. My name is Mary and I'm fat. I'm so big right now, but I have to think about my mental health and my health health before I worry about my weight. Now, Nina, your weight goes with your health health, indeed it do. But when life was normal and those of you guys who know me and I was doing W.W. regularly, Bobby, quick, trying to make me laugh. All I focused on was W.W. And I was healthy. Well, now I'm going to do it the other way around. I'm going to work on eating the healthiest foods. I'm going to start tracking again. I completely stopped tracking probably about four months ago. And no, it's funny. I need a laugh. You guys have your water and Esther, you know, as I'm getting older, I'm getting my weight in other places. I've never had it before. So in my head, my plan is I'm not going to focus so much on my weight. You know what is so weird? This freaked me out. At Chelsea's funeral, one of my high school friends who I haven't talked to in probably about 10 years, I told her, you know, I said, you know, I'm kind of embarrassed showing up like this and, you know, I'm so heavy. And I'm with my height. If you were to see me next to my cousins and everything, it's a little funny. And she told me that when she saw my pictures on Facebook at my lowest weight, she thought I was sick. She was she said she was scared that she thought I was sick, but she was afraid to bring it up. Oh, to be so sick again, right, to be down to that weight. But what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to watch what I put in my mouth, especially after Chelsea passed. I just didn't care. Steve and I have been eating like complete, complete crap. We're going to stop. We're going to go to Costco this weekend and we're going to pile up on some good foods and some good veggies and some good fruits and some yogurts and all that stuff. She didn't mean it meanly, Bobby. She just meant she's known me since we were in the sixth grade and that was the thinnest she'd ever seen me. So it just kind of alarmed her a little bit, you know. Oh, yeah, ice cream, you name it, we have it. And so that's my plan. I'm just going to take it a little itty, bitty bit at a time. Just a little itty, bitty, bitty bit at a time. There's 36 of you guys in here on Bobby, Mary and Tracy are the only ones that are in here in Jessica. We've got people in the back seat crocheting a doily whenever I'd asked my mom what she was doing. She would say she was crocheting a doily. So I'm going to come on here every now and then just to chat to you guys because you've always been here for me. You always chat back. You've always encouraged me. I always feel a thousand times better after I'm here talking to you guys. One of my best friends flew in from Tennessee for Chelsea's funeral, which was wonderful. Lots of folks that I haven't seen in a long time that just it made my heart swell. It really, it really did help. It was it was lovely. I know Bobby and I appreciate you guys so much. But I, you know, and I've got to go do something. See, that's how depressed I've been. I haven't even looked in a mirror, but I think I, you know, OK, thanks, darling. Sometimes I get on and I just talk to people and other times it's like people will call me because they know I need to talk and I just don't even answer the phone. I just I it's I know I can do it Esther. And you know what? I need to listen to some of my old videos where I gave some damn good advice about people who are just starting just walk up your driveway and back your driveway. I need to do that, you know, work it up because I can barely walk right now, you guys. It's a pitiful, pitiful sight. Hi, Judy. You guys, Judy Huff is a friend of mine. We go way, way, way, way back. She's popping in to say hi. I'm so glad. Hi, Andrea. And I'm going to practice when I preach. I'm going to just after I hang up with you guys. I say the hang up. I'm going to put on my tennis shoes. I never quit W.W. Barbara. I just quit life, you know. W.W. went with everything else. How are all of you guys? Are you guys all doing OK? Are you are you escaping the the shut in? And that, you know, are you doing better? Or is everybody doing OK? I, you know what? I me too, Esther. And I'm, you know, Hi, Linda, I've missed you too. I've missed all you guys. I've wanted to come on here, but I had to wait until I had to wait until I could compose myself. I wasn't going to get on here and, you know, make everybody cry. So that's it. I have a bunch of flowers here that most of them are are done. So we need to throw those out. Probably should take down the Christmas stuff. But again, a little at a time, I'll take down one Christmas thing today. And maybe I'll take another one now tomorrow. Bobby, that sucks. I've heard that a lot. I've heard that for a lot of people. I'm just waiting to see who's here, you guys. Bobby, I'm not even going to entertain anything like that. Like I said, if I might the front of my driveway is roundabout and if I can walk that three times, that will be that will be what's the word? Somebody give me a word. Give me a word. It'll be fantastic if I can do it because I haven't been moving. Remember the hole in my old couch? I'm making a hole in my new couch. So yeah, I'm just going to I've got to start moving my body. I. I just I just need to going up and down the stairs. That's just so I'm going to move a little each day. I'm going to drink my water again. I haven't been drinking my water at all. At all. So I'm going to be drinking my water. I'm checking it off. I'm going to start tracking again. I'm going to look back over my recipes and try to remember some of hold on a second. OK, some of the things that I really liked. I can't believe my cousins didn't say anything to me about it at the funeral. They probably thought, well, she feels bad enough as it is. We're not going to tell her she needs to go get her eyebrows fixed. My gosh, I'm trying to think if there's anything else. If anybody has any questions or anything, but yeah, a little walking a day I'm going to drink my water every day. And I'm going to we don't we haven't had we have been eating so poorly that we don't even have any food in the house. We have a couple of yogurts. We have some pirate's booty and that's about it. Oh, potato soup. Do you know what the points are for that? See, it's not for me, Bobby. I just gave up. It's just I literally, literally gave up. I like water after I started drinking soda. I don't you guys know me. I don't drink soda. Steve keeps it in the downstairs fridge and then he grabs one when he goes to work and he puts it in his thermos or I'm sorry, in his lunchbox. And I was like, you know, I feel like a Coke, a cherry Coke. I feel like a seven up. And next thing you know, I was drinking soda. I was like, oh, my gosh. And I think that kind of had a little twing to make me realize that how how bad is getting how high my weight is. My weight is so high. And I just I'm not going to do all these things just for my weight, but for my weight, my health. And then it can only help my mental health, too. If I'm feeling physically healthy, it'll help my mental health, which is what I need the most with. I'm so tired of crying. I do, too. Tracy, I just track it for, you know, how much ever it is. But, you know, I like I have no problem with like low fat sour cream and low fat yogurt and that stuff. To me, it doesn't taste any different. I guess I'm just lucky that way. Well, I'm not having any more. I'll tell you that. I just had it. I'll tell you when it started, it started. I had a stomach ache. And when I have a stomach ache, I like to drink seven up and because I burped it all out. And then it was like, oh, that tastes kind of good. I don't give a crap about my weight or my health or life or anything else. I'm just going to start drinking some more. You know what? I don't like Girl Scout cookies. That's another good thing for me. I did try some diet, diet cherry seven up, but it just I couldn't I couldn't handle it. Captain. So I think that we're going to go out to dinner tonight. I'd like to. I think maybe I'll plan it. I have a couple of bucks stashed away. Yeah, it can totally be done. Absolutely. You don't have to eat the whole carton. So, you know, I guess, hi, Cheryl, it's great to see you too. I guess one of the I say I came on here for selfish reasons in that I would be accountable for. Again, the tiniest, tiniest steps of getting my life back. My health back. But when I say getting my life back, I truly mean my life. I need it back. I need it for Steve's sake. He's he's he's he's tired of taking care of me. He doesn't say anything, of course. But I mean, he does everything. He puts my blanket on me when I'm sitting on the couch. He brings me Kleenex when I'm sitting and crying. He brings me dinner. He does everything. He never complains and I need he needs a break. The man needs a break from it all. So I want you guys to support me. And that's why I came on here, because I knew you would. I knew you would support me. Christoffer came down. That was one good thing. My son came down, of course, for his sister's funeral. And that was fabulous to have him here. It was really great to have him here. I miss him so much. I'd like to go up and see him and see his new house and everything he lives in Washington. So I'm going to work on Steve on that. And like that, I guess that's it. I'm going to walk a little bit. I'm going to drink my water. I'm going to watch what I eat and I'm going to track what I eat. So I'm going to start off with these four things. I have to get my body moving. That's the most important. Thank you guys for popping in here and just chatting with me just for we've only about about half an hour. I truly do appreciate it. I'm here alone all the time, especially since Oliver moved out. I'm really alone. He has a wonderful husband, Cheryl. I mean, he's just I my sleeping isn't on par either. So I'm up all night and down all day and then I get up at night and watch TV. And thank you, Mary. Thank you, all you guys. I appreciate it and come over to Instagram. Love you guys. I think I got to try to figure out something to do right now so that I don't lay down and take a nap. I don't want to take a nap. I'm sleeping my life away. I don't even remember what happened in the last two years. Oh, no, Mary. Oh, my gosh, I hope you're OK. Don't be disgusted and angry. That's not going to help. And it's not going to I'm so sorry, Mary. I'm so sorry. All right, kids. I need to use the little girls room. It's so nice, Judy. I'm so glad you jumped on. I haven't been going on Facebook very often because it's it's so boring. It's like all I have are ads and people that I don't know. It's like it's not interesting at all. Mary, I'm so sorry. I hope you're OK. And now you probably don't want to put all your in. I'm so sorry to hear that. All right, I have to use the little girls room. Why? Because I'm drinking my water with my lipstick all over that I always do that, right? I love you guys. Put your notifications on. Give me a like if you want, because I'm going to try to get back in this because this is what I loved. Thank you, Linda. Thank you. I'm going to cut out now before the waterworks start. And I sure love you guys and I sure appreciate you being here. I'll be back.