 Welcome everyone to another narc survival live video. In this one I have a very important message for you and definitely every target, every victim, everyone who has been abused by a narcissist needs to see this video right now. Yes, if you have been abused by a narcissist it's very important that you are aware of this information that I am about to provide to you in this video and by the end of this video that will all make sense to you. You will be very glad that you clicked on this video. Before I begin with this message, hit that thumbs up button down below so that it will help the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors who will need to see it as well. I am going to begin with making a very important point that you all need to be very aware of and in fact this really applies to anyone that you may be dealing with in your life. So even for those of you, you may be unsure of whether or not you were dealing with a narcissist. This applies to you as well. So here is the very important point that I would like to make before I get into this message. If you treat someone like a king or a queen, they will treat you like their servant. If you treat someone like a celebrity, guess what? They're going to treat you like their fan. And you know at times some of us may not like to accept this, but to be fair at times this is our fault because we have to look at our own behaviors and how we're treating this person like a king or a queen, a celebrity. And by doing that we are putting them on a pedestal. We're putting them above us, above ourselves. We're making them more important. So of course when we do that, they are going to look down on us. They're going to see it as though they must be superior to us. And I know what some of you may be thinking. You may be thinking, no survivor. I didn't treat them so much like a king or a queen or even a celebrity. I'm just an empathic person. I just treated them with basic decency, kindness, love and respect. And yeah, to be fair, in many cases that may be it. You may be right. But when you're dealing with narcissists, it's not like a normal person. Any attention that you give to them, any validation, compliments or praise, it goes to their head. It feeds their ego. So you have to be very careful when you're giving that to them. Because it is having a very powerful effect. It's giving them a narcissistic supply. It is inflating their ego, boosting their self-esteem to the point where they feel like they're better than you. And then they develop this arrogance and sense of entitlement to where they start expecting or even demanding so many things from you. When they haven't done anything to earn it. They haven't done anything for you in return. And yet here you are. You're doing all of the work for them. You're doing everything you can to please them, to make them happy. When it's like, what are they doing for you? You're making their lives easier. You're pacifying them. You're babying them. You're treating them like they're your own child. Rather than an individual, separate, mature, responsible adult. Who at this point in their lives should be able to take care of themselves. And in all honesty, it's not really good for them either because you're disabling them. When you're doing all of these things for them and they don't have to do anything to earn it in return. You know that's translating to them. It's telling them that they don't have to work for anything. They never have to take responsibility. They don't have to do anything for you or anyone else. And instead, all they have to do is sit back. And if they're not going to get it from you, they just have to wait around for some other sucker to come around. And then they're going to get it from them. So they live in this perpetual state of underdevelopment. But they never have to depend on themselves. They never have to be a fully grown adult. And instead, they can just depend on other people for the rest of their lives. There could be leeches, parasites, bottom feeders, whatever you want to call them. They don't have to do anything for themselves. A lot of times we do need to look at our actions, especially in the beginning of when we're dealing with them. Because look back, you really gave them an easy ride. You had everything laid out on a plate for them. Everything was prepared, ready for them to consume, to partake in, to be a part of. And they didn't have to do anything for it. And a lot of times it's because they come in and they make you feel bad for them. They make you feel like it's your duty to step in and pull them out of the pit that the last person apparently left them in. So it's your job to help them, to make them feel better. They appeal to our empathetic side, to where we want to save them. We want to rescue them. And then before you know it, you're doing everything you can for this person and they are just elevating themselves at your expense. Without even thinking about how they're going to do anything for you. And that is not a nice position to be in. Where someone just takes everything you've got and they just don't even appreciate it, they take it for granted. You're just being manipulated and used. And when you start expecting something back in return, and here they come with the lies, the future faking. They just try and get you to wait around for something to happen at some point in the future to where they will finally reciprocate back to you. But they never do. And the more time you spend with them, the more you lose of yourself, your time, your energy, your money and resources. You're just giving it all up for this person. Who doesn't even care about you. They're not even there for you. Not like how you're there for them. And it's not the same for every situation. But we need to look back and recognize. Did we treat this person like a celebrity? Or like a king or a queen? Did we give too much of ourselves in the beginning? Did we not expect enough of them in return? Did we just fall for their lies and future faking? Because if we did, you know, in many ways, that is our fault. That is our responsibility. And that doesn't take away their wrongdoing. They still made it belated and exploited us. They strung us along. And that's on them. But in order for things to be different the next time around, we do need to look at ourselves. Because there are a lot of people like this out there who will take your kindness for granted. They will see your love as a weakness as something for them to exploit. So we do need to be very cautious of that. And when we get ourselves at these types of relationships, it can make us question our own worth, our own qualities and abilities as though we're not good enough. Because it's like if we were good enough, then why would they treat us that way? Why would they do that to us? Why would they drain us, take what we have, waste our time and give us nothing back in return? If we were worthy of more? I mean, that's what we might ask ourselves, especially at the end of the relationship. But what we need to understand is that that really says nothing about our worth. It says very little about us and everything about them. As I've said before, how a person treats us. That is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. If they loved themselves, if they respected themselves, they would have loved and respected us as well. So what I'm really saying in this message is to not let their behavior get to you. Don't let it make you feel like you're any less of a person. I know it's hard sometimes. Someone treats you a certain way. It could be something so simple. When someone just cuts you off the roads. And you look at it like, what's wrong with me? What's so bad about me? Am I not good enough? Am I invisible? Do I just not exist for someone to do that to me? I mean, as empaths, that's how we think. We look at ourselves, we self-loathe with what we should be doing. And this is something all of us need to do as empaths. Because it's the opposite of what we naturally do. Of what we've been programmed to do since we were children. So what we need to do instead of just automatically questioning ourselves our worth, doubting our abilities when someone doesn't approve of us, or they just treat us in an ill manner type of way that harm us to put us down or they're just neglecting us, ignoring us. Instead of looking at ourselves and thinking that there's something wrong with us, we should be looking at them and their actions and questioning, what's wrong with you? For you to treat me that way because that's really yet their behavior. It says nothing about us. And it says everything about them. And to know that you've only got to put yourself in their shoes and know that you wouldn't treat another person that way. You wouldn't be so inconsiderate to someone. You wouldn't devalue them, neglect them, treat them with contempt. You wouldn't do that. And the reason why is because you're happy with yourself. You love and accept yourself. They don't. That's how they can put that on to you. When you're around them and then you start feeling that way. You start feeling like it's something wrong with you. I really believe that this is one of the most important messages on narcissistic abuse that you will probably find on YouTube. I really believe that in all of my research, my experience. That's why I titled it every target of a narcissist needs to see this right now. Because I believe that yes, they really do. It's very important because it's an automatic response for us. When someone blames us, when someone makes us feel bad about ourselves, or they just treat us a certain way they neglectful that you consider it, they're abusive. What does that do as empaths? Automatically it makes us look at ourselves, question our worth. It makes us believe that something must be wrong with us. We're not good enough. And automatically we think we need to prove ourselves. We need to be better. When the truth is, I can tell you, if there was a perfect person walking the earth, and I mean, they could be perfect in every way. They could be perfect in appearance. The most beautiful, handsome person in the world. And they could have perfect qualities, perfect abilities that could be completely flawless. And of course, that type of person, they could not be a narcissist because that's flawed in itself. They would have to be an empath. For them to be an empath, even if they were perfect in every way, in appearance, their qualities and abilities. The narcissist treated them a certain way, blamed them. That person would look themselves and think, I need to be even better for you. I need to work on myself even more. That gap, that contrast. And I'm sure many of you have experienced this. It's that the distance between us as victims and a narcissist, in terms of the value that we are providing, the amount that we are doing for them, in contrast to what they're doing for us, it just gets greater and greater as time goes on. And it gets to such an incredible extreme. It's unbelievable if you look back after a certain amount of time, and you see how great you are as a person, your qualities, your abilities, the value that you're providing to their lives. Just look at that in contrast to what they're doing for you. I mean, you could be flying them to the moon and back. You could be upgrading their entire lives. They could have really came up with you. But then you look at it, and it's like, they're doing nothing for you. I'm sure many of you have experienced that where it's like, you could be doing all the work. Maybe you've got a 95 job every day, you're working, you're making the money so that they can spend it and buy the things that they like, and they're not working, they're just sitting on the couch every day watching TV. And at the same time, you're looking after the kids, you're washing their clothes, their dishes, cooking them food, driving them around wherever they need to go. And they're doing literally nothing for you. It gets to that point a lot of times. And yet we still keep this person around. Even while we're doing everything and they're actually posing as a liability to us. Because we're investing all of our time, energy, effort, money and resources into this relationship and we're getting nothing back in return. But not only that, it's also draining us, straining the life of us. It's affecting our mental, emotional, and even physical health. It's ruining our lives, just to keep them comfortable, stable and secure, just to keep their lives together, our lives have to fall apart. And even when that's happening, and we're neglecting our own health and wellbeing, our bank balance is being drained, we're losing everything to this person. Even then they're still blaming us, still making us feel bad about ourselves. As though we're not good enough. And we're still trying to be better for them. As crazy as that sounds. And it could get to the point where it's like. I mean, you're literally doing everything for this person. You're buying a home for them to live in. Maybe you bought them a car. You're buying them designer clothes, taking them on trips around the world. And every day, you do everything you can to look flawless for them. You're doing your hair, your makeup, you're getting your manicures, your pedicures, everything just to look perfect for them. And to do everything you can to please them in every way imaginable. You're taking them to all the nice restaurants. You're doing whatever they want in bed. You're doing everything you can to make them happy. And what are they doing for you? I mean, maybe they haven't had a haircut for months. Maybe they don't even shave their face. For the women, they may not even shave their legs, their armpits. They just let the hair grow out because they don't even care when they're around you. They feel so comfortable. They don't make an effort to please you anymore. They've gotten used to you. And I was just you doing everything to please them. They don't make an effort to dress up for you. You're just doing that for them. You're driving them around everywhere, taking them on trips. And they're doing nothing for you. And if that is a narcissism, what is? If someone thinks that they can be so sloppy, and they can't put themselves together for you. They can't make an effort. They're not invested in anything into the relationship. You're making all of this effort on your appearance. So you can look good for them. To invest in all of your time, all of your money. Everything you've got into this relationship and you're getting nothing back. If that isn't narcissism, what is? You're doing everything. They're doing nothing for you. And yet they keep you on this hamster wheel, where you're running endlessly in an effort to please them, to make them happy. To the point where you never stop to look at everything you've done for them. And how they've done nothing for you in return. I mean, at some point, you've got to stop and see that. You really need to start and look at yourself in the mirror. See what an incredible person you are. I mean, seriously, many of you, you don't even realize it. You're so much greater than them. I'm not talking about shallow, superficial things. I mean, yeah, that can be the case sometimes. But it's not always about your physical appearance or how much money you make. More than anything, it is the effort that you make. Because if you're in a relationship with someone, you love them, you care about them, you're going to want to make an effort. If you have empathy, you want them to be satisfied. You don't want to see them miserable. You don't want to see them down. You don't want to leave them feeling like they're missing something. I mean, as empaths, that's what we're like. We want to be the best people that we can be so that we can give the best of ourselves to someone. But no, the narcissist, they look at it like, oh, you're trying to be better than me. Oh, you're trying to make me feel bad about myself. Like, I'm not good enough. You're trying to make me feel insecure. Also, now it's a competition. That's how the narcissist is to see in it. But actually, it's like, it was never like that at all. We wanted to be the best people that we could be for them. That's why we wanted to do that. To make them happy. But they look at it like it's a competition. Now they've got to outdo us or they've got to tear us down. So it looks like they're better. When it's like, can't you even see all these things that I'm doing? I'm doing it for you anyway. I'm doing this to make you happy. To make you proud of me. But it's like it just makes them insecure. It just makes them hate you even more. It makes them want to destroy you. How crazy is that? It's like you're trying to be this person for them. You're trying to make them happy because it's like nothing you do is good enough. So you keep trying to be better. And then they just keep trying to tear you down because they're feeling insecure. They're seeing it as a competition. And as though you're their opponent. And it's like, no, I thought we were a team. I thought we were working together. And yet you're not putting much effort into this. So I'm going above and beyond to compensate for your shortcomings. Just so I can bring something to this relationship that I thought we had together. But no, now it's like they see you as a threat. I was like, you're against them. Now they've got to tear you down. Because they're never seeing it that way. There is no team. There is no cooperation with the narcissist. There's no winning with them. It's just them and only them. It's all about them. They're not with you. They're just using you for what they can get from you. And even when they are benefitted at your expense, at the same time, they still feel threatened by you. They still envy you because they feel insecure. They feel inferior to you. That's another thing as well. They really put this on themselves when you look at it. It's like, it's what they do. They give you this illusion in the beginning, this false character that's meant to be flawless, perfect, free from fault. The problem is, and you think they would see this. I mean, it's like, if you present yourself as this in the beginning of a relationship to where you're already complete, you're this perfect person. You're everything I need, everything I've been waiting for. Where do we go from there? Because you're already perfect. How can things get better? Of course, things can only go down. They can only get worse because you've already presented yourself this way. So the longer that you spend around me, your value has to go down, not up. Even if you do make an incredible effort and you do everything that you can, even though, as we know in our success, they never do that anyway. It's just all about presenting an image. So of course, they present this image in the beginning of they can never live up to. And yet we wonder, why don't they want to be around us for too long? Why does it seem that they run from intimacy, love and relationships? It's because they can never live up to that image that they presented to you in the beginning. They present this perfect flawless image right at the start. They can't maintain it over a long period of time because it isn't real. And even if it was real, where do you go from there? Things are supposed to get better over time. They're meant to improve. And if you've already presented yourself in a relationship as this perfect person, you've married someone's ideals, their qualities and virtues and reflected back to them, made them feel like you're everything they could ever want. How are you meant to grow? How are things meant to improve? So that's another problem that they have. And it's why, when you look at it, they're asked to say it's a false character. It's flawed. I mean, of course it's flawed. Nothing is perfect anyway. But even how they try to present it, it makes no sense. Because how can it be perfect when there's no room for improvement? If something is perfect, it's already complete. By default, that is already flawed. So it's a catch 22. Because what good is that? If something's already complete and there's no room for any progress, even if it actually is complete for real, and it is perfect. But then there's no room for improvement, no room for any progress. You're probably going to get bored of it very quickly. So you see the best way to present yourself in anything is just to be authentic. And don't be like that arses when you come into something and you're acting so charming and charismatic, so much energy and enthusiasm. Yeah, that might go well in the beginning. But what happens after that? Where do you go from there? Because if you come into something with such high energy and you're giving it everything you've got, they've already seen everything. How can they get better? And that's why it's much better in a relationship, in a work setting, whatever it may be. Give a little bit of yourself at the beginning. There's no need to love bomb to give everything you've got. Just give a little bit of your energy, a little bit of your time. Reveal small part of yourself and then you'll have so much more to give as time goes on. And it leaves a bit of mystery as well, because otherwise it's like once you've already told them everything about yourself at the very beginning, they already know you. They feel like they've figured you out. It leaves no mystery. You've already given them everything you've got. So what's the point of them sticking around? If you've already read the ending of a book or watched the ending of a movie, why do you need to see the beginning, the middle? You already know how it ends. You need, you know everything you need to know if you've seen the ending. And that's it. It's not about the goal, the objective, the destination. It's about the journey. It's about what happens along the way. So you see everything that Arsas does, it's actually completely flawed. They're trying to present this image of perfection. It's actually the complete opposite of that, because love bombing someone, giving them everything you've got from the very beginning, leaving nothing left to the imagination, leaving no mystery. And act as though you're already complete. You're everything this person needs right from the beginning. What does that leave for down the line? For any growth, progress or development? So you see, this narcissism itself destructive, it leads them nowhere. Nothing is going to grow out of that. Now we make this mistake ourselves by treating them like a king or a queen or like a celebrity. Even if it's someone who's not an Arsasist, that's still not a good thing to do. Yeah, they seem fun and exciting in the beginning, but you've got to look at it like where do you go from there? If they're this perfect special person right at the start before you even know them, what are they meant to do after that? How can they live up to this image that you have created of them in your mind? They can't, because already from the very beginning that's as good as it gets. Even if they could live up to that after a certain amount of time it would get boring. That's why we should always leave room for progress, development, growth, get to know each other, learning more and more, revealing things as time goes on and not only that, we can never be a complete person ourselves. I don't know like what many coaches and therapists talk about, like it's all about healing, becoming whole and complete within ourselves. That's a nice idea, but I actually disagree with that. We should never feel like we are complete. We should never feel like our healing is done. Some people say six months, one year, whatever it may be, then you heal from an narcissistic abuse. I like to see it as a lifelong journey. It's like going to the gym. You don't go to the gym a few days a week for a few months, maybe a couple of years. You get the body you've always wanted. You reach your desired weight and then you just forget about it. You never go to the gym again. It doesn't work that way because of course what's going to happen, you're going to let yourself go. You're going to return to your previous condition or state so you have to keep it going. You'll never stop. These healing strategies you have, they must continue for the rest of your life. It's like going to the gym, so taking care of your body, the way you take care of your skin, you exfoliate, you moisturize, you shampoo and condition your hair. Maybe some of you, you like to get manicures, pedicures, you take care of your body and you see it as this lifelong maintenance. So we see that for our physical health. Why not see it the same way for our mental and emotional health as well? Why should that stop? Why is it like six months, one year of speaking to a therapist or coach recovering from the traumas and then that's it. We just forget about it for the rest of our lives, of course not. It doesn't work that way and this shouldn't be seen as a tool, as something that's like a hindrance on our lives. It's something that we should enjoy doing, like listening to inspirational music, going out for a walk in nature, meditation, mindfulness. These should be things that we enjoy, things that we look forward to doing and things that we should never want to give up and feel like we've done it enough, we feel better now, we feel healed and then we just forget about it. It should never be like that. It's a lifelong process. It shouldn't just end. So that's my opinion on healing and recovering from narcissistic abuse and managing our physical health, our mental and emotional health. I've heard other therapists and coaches have their own opinions where it's like you just speak to a therapist, a coach for a certain amount of time and then it's done. You don't have to worry about it anymore. Just like people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, they need to be involved with a therapist for life. Their healing never ends, they're never fully healed and anyone else, when never fully healed there's never going to be a day in your life where it's like no matter how much work you do, when you're like oh this is it, I'm 100% healed, I feel whole and complete. I'm done. It's finished. There's never going to be a day like that. It's like when you go to the gym, you achieve your desired weight, you look the way that you look, that you want to look, then it's like what's next? Because it's got to keep going, we've got to keep improving. We don't just stop. And it's not always the case where we're just constantly progressing, we're constantly going up. Of course not. There's going to be things in your life that set you back and when that happens you just pick it back up, you keep it going. Yes, life can be an uphill battle sometimes. It's like one step forward, two steps back. Don't let that demotivate you, you've got to keep it moving. It's not like that. You take one step forward, two steps back. Maybe you take one step forward, you take a hundred steps back and then you just give up. No, because even then you didn't really take steps back. I mean yeah, you may have lost some time, you may have lost a few years of your life. You may have lost everything, your house, your car, your children, your home, your money. You may have lost it all. You might see it as there are. I took a few steps forward, but then I took a thousand steps back. My life is over I'm going to give up. Never see it that way because although it may look like you took a lot of steps back, that's actually an illusion in itself. Because just look at the wisdom, knowledge and experience that you gained along the way. Look at how it strengthened you emotionally. You're a much stronger person than you were back then and if you could create that back then, before you had all of that wisdom, knowledge and experience, then what can you do now? Now you should have even more motivation to continue because now you're at a much higher level than what you were before. You've built your character to another level. I mean back then you may have had a much weaker character and yet you still manifested so much into your life. So you should be looking at it like if I could do that back then and now I have a much stronger character, I should be able to do so much more. It should be that much easier for me. That's how you've got to look at it but regardless of that it doesn't matter what happens in your life. It doesn't matter how it affects you, how many steps back you take, you keep it moving, you don't stop and you continue gaining that knowledge, wisdom and experience along the way. You continue learning, you continue working on yourself because that's what matters most. It's not about these external things, it's not about superficial stuff, it's the insight that counts. That's what we need to work on more than anything. So that's it, that's the message for today to motivate you because I know many of you. You've been through a lot, you've lost a lot. You may feel like giving up, I get that. Many people before you they felt like giving up as well but they didn't, they kept going. You know there's so many celebrities, athletes, millionaires, billionaires, many of them have been successful in the past. They may have been millionaires, billionaires and then they went from that to being completely broke, homeless with nothing and they took that as a learning experience. They learned something from it and they used that to get back up and become more successful than they were before and what is that in them that got them to do that to where many of us can't do it and of course what sets us apart is that belief. If you think oh I can't do that again, I can't get back to where I was before. That's a limiting belief, it's going to hold you back. You have to see it as though if I can do that once, I can do that again and in fact I can do it even better this time. That's how you've got to see it and many of you know my story. Back in 2017 I was suicidal. I tried to take my own life, I felt like giving up but I didn't, I got back up. I started learning about narcissistic abuse at the beginning of 2018, created my channel in August 2018 and I'm just looking at it now. Over 170,000 subscribers, over 40 million views, TikTok with over 18,000 followers, helped millions of people around the world, traveled the world, had so many experiences. None of this would have happened if I did give up back in 2017 and my life changed so fast. I mean it's like within one year of trying to take my own life everything changed already. I was already making so much money, I was coaching people, I learned so much. Within two years I was already traveling in the world doing things I thought I would never be able to do to experience and it can be that way for you. Things can only go up, they can only get better if you believe that they can. The one thing holding you back is your belief. Never forget that and stop overvaluing people above yourself. You are an incredible person and you need to remind yourself of that every day. Yes people can hold us back sometimes but sometimes we can hold ourselves back. It comes down to that belief. Many people give up and it's like that's such a loss of potential. Who knows what they could have been if they didn't just throw in the towel. If they kept going that's why you should never stop. Never give up on yourself. Yes other people they may give up on you but you never give up on yourself because if you do that then what have you got? If you give up on yourself how can you expect anyone else to be there for you? Value yourself stop putting people above you. Stop worshipping these narcissists seeing them as so much greater than what they really are. Start looking at what they're actually doing for you and reminding yourself of everything you've done for them and see how that compares. All right so I hope this message helps someone out there. I see we've got 136 live viewers. If you found it helpful please give it a thumbs up down below. It helps the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors who will see it and benefit from it as well. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section. Hit the subscribe button and click all notifications so that you will be notified when I upload a video in the future. If you'd like to book a one-on-coaching session with me go to my website it is NarcSurvivor.co.uk and also you can follow me on Instagram it is NarcSurvivor YouTube. Thank you all for joining me on another NarcSurvivor live video and as always I look forward to talking with you in another one very soon.