 Now that all three of you got a chance to rush out and see Expendables 4 in theaters, I thought I would spoil it. Because even though this movie isn't even worth the time it's going to take to record and post this to YouTube, screw it! I wasted money going to watch it, so now I'm going to waste more of my pathetic, wretched time reviewing it. Intro's done. Time for spoilers. Barney's back. Sylvester Stallone reprising the role of the character for the fourth time in Expendables 4, leads the Expendables to all- He's in it for five minutes! He's in it for five fucking minutes. I guess he couldn't fit this one into his busy schedule of filming his hit reality TV show, House of Stallone, and whatever else he's up to. Someone told me in the comments when I talked about this movie on my live stream a few days ago that he and the producers or whoever, the studio, had creative differences about the route the Expendables movies are going, so he wanted out. While out he was given, as he's killed off pretty unceremoniously early on in this movie, like 15 minutes into this movie, he gets shot in his stupid plane and it crashes off camera. Statham's character Christmas goes over there, opens up his present, only to find his boss charred to death. The only thing left, the dumb ring on his finger. But before we get there, we have to talk about the complex rich plot of the Expendables 4. Let me read verbatim what IMDb lists as the plot of this movie. Armed with every weapon they can get their hands on, the Expendables are the world's last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options are off the table. That'd be a fine synopsis for the first movie. We're four movies balls deep. What the hell? There was clearly no marketing budget for this movie, let alone a budget for the movie itself. If you even search posters for Expendables 4, you find low res 720 by whatever. P. They don't even have high res photos for these things. It's just pathetic. They couldn't get anyone from the social media team to go into IMDb and give us at least a competent description of what this fourth movie's about. Well, it turns out this is what the fourth movie's about because there is no story. There is no plot. Some bad guys steal a nuclear warhead and they bring it on a ship and then profit, I guess? This movie was edited like shit. It reminded me of Suicide Squad. It really did. The opening scene especially because we have a little bit of a combat sequence out in some third world country at a base followed by a shot, a close-up of the Expendables motorcycle that Barney drives doing kind of a sexual dance with the camera around this thing, get a little vehicle porn and up to our hero Barney as he drives away from the camera. Like he's Amanda Waller saying, and this is where I come in or something and then the Expendables logo comes up. It's the weirdest transition ever. Barney doesn't say anything. It has nothing to do with the scene that came before it. It's just completely thrown in willy-nilly. Now you might be yelling at your computer or phone furiously saying, Adam, shut up about the story. We don't care about the story in Expendables. It's about the action. It's about the old dogs going out for one last ride for a fourth time over. It's about catchphrases and cool hand-to-hand combat and gunplay and... Okay, fine. Fine, fine, fine. Let's get rid of the story. It's gone. It's kaput. Let's talk about the cast. Who are the exciting action stars they brought to this one? In the past, we had Mel Gibson. We had John Claude Van Damme. We had freakin' Chuck Norris. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bruce Willis. Oh, well, this time we have Andy Garcia. Action mainstay, Andy Garcia. Oh, that's not fondly in the old balls for you. How about Megan Fox? Notorious action star, Megan Fox. Could we not have gotten, I don't know, Angelina Jolie? Charlize Theron? Like someone that's been in a couple action movies that aren't Transformers or Ninja Turtles? If that doesn't make a lot of sense to you, I got 50 more that might. Because 50 Cent is in this film. That's right. Rapper slash video game creator slash actor 50 Cent. He's doing it. He's doing something in this. There's also a half dozen new uninteresting characters. They get very little screen time and have less to say or do. This film prides itself in the trailer of bringing in new faces, new blood. Because that's what we want from an Expendables movie. Says no one ever. That completely defeats the purpose of these movies. The only good thing to come out of this are the two action stars from The Raid, whose names I will butcher so I won't say them. But The Raid and The Raid 2 Redemption are far fuckin' better than this pile of ass. Go watch those three times over before even thinking about setting foot into a theater to watch this. Don't go to this movie. This is an embarrassment on all fronts. The cast is pathetic. Stallone's not even here for his own property. Jason Statham is basically the entire show. For 50% of the movie, not 50 Cent of the movie, 50% of the movie, Jason Statham is solo. Ra dogging it around, trying to make ends meet at one point, working for an influencer. Who he beats the living shit out of live on camera and gets away with it scot-free somehow. I don't know. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. There's one set piece in the entire thing and it's a sound stage. Everything's shot on this thing. It all looks horrible. The graphics are that of a PS2 or 3. I'm being generous with the PlayStation 3 analogy. It's bad. There's a lot of scenes where dudes are in the back of vehicles shooting gun turrets and the background's just anime speed racer lines like they're in a fucking Roadrunner cartoon. The acting and dialogue has never been good in these, but this time around it's absolutely embarrassing. Megan Fox, I shit you not. Celebrated Mortal Kombat 1 voice actress Megan Fox is somehow the best actress, some of the best actor in this entire film. She's kind of having fun with it, playing up the whole bitchy persona works for her in this type of role. What doesn't is the fact that she has 18 layers of makeup caked on. She always looks perfect, which is a very harsh contrast when she's paired with dudes that have the faces of an old catcher's mitt. She must attend the same beauty salon as the Kardashians because she's looking more like a sister than she is of that young woman I fell in love with back in Transformers. If you are here solely for action and nothing else, that's fair, that's fine. The action here is a mixed bag. Some of it looks like total shit. Some of it has some decent choreography in the later half when you're on the ship for 80% of the film because again, there's a soundstage that's working 24-7 on this thing and one of the big, well really the only set piece is on an aircraft carrier. Tiny little portions of it. It's really sad how little the budget is or how they utilized the budget they had. It also feels like this movie was shot in between other people's movies. Really Jason Statham. Like he was on the Meg 2 for a week and the director's like, hey, why don't you come on over and we'll do all your shit for Expendables 4. And Jason's like, I got three days, dude. I don't think that's enough time. And the director's like, it's enough time. Trust me, for what we're doing, it's more than enough time. But action-wise, a lot of the cool stuff's with the raid actors. Jason Statham has some pretty cool moments here and there, but really, there's so much better out there. If you've depleted all your reserves of action films, then I guess go see it and laugh at how insanely dumb it is, especially in the final act. Here's the spoiler thing I talked about. Stallone gets killed off, right? There is no doubt in my mind, not even a scintilla of amount that Barney is actually dead. And it turns out I was right. He faked his death. What had happened was, and it's quite ingenious being sarcastic, earlier in the film, he gets on a little bar room brawl with Christmas and a bunch of locals. One of these guys is really small. He's kind of messing with Stallone to get his ring back because Stallone really wanted his special Expendables ring. So he beats the shit out of this guy. Well, I guess he took things a little far and he actually killed the fucking dude over this. Yeah, that's right. Barney, our hero, just straight up murdered a guy for a ring. He takes his body. I guess he had it stored on the plane when he dropped the Expendables team off and he stayed up in the plane for some reason. Oh my God, there's so much to cover in this small, stupid section of movie. He's up in the sky, flying around like a jackass while there are turrets. There are anti-air guns shooting up at him. The first thought wasn't to take the guns out. No, he drops them off. They go on their little adventures and he's just like circling above and he keeps launching out little decoy defense things for the bullets to hit. Like, this works every time, all the time, right? Not a last-ditch effort. He's just dropping these things out like candy and finally he runs out of them so he's like, looks like the magus is cooked. And so he takes the body of this guy that I guess murdered at some point, puts him in the driver's seat of the plane, runs to the back, jettisons out, parachutes away and the plane blows up. None of the expendables are any the wiser and the way he brilliantly sells this is he puts the ring on the body. The body of a dude that's not even half as tall as Stallone or anybody else has no of them, but he's burnt up, so whatever. Fine, no dental records or anything. It's just perfect, it's brilliant. The reason he did this is because he knows the expendable's agency head is corrupt and the only way to stop him is to fake his death and then come back at the way end of the movie in a helicopter and shoot him with a rocket. That's how you do it the right way. It was almost too easy. Meanwhile, Christmas is sad and he wants revenge, but Andy Garcia, who's the boss of this outfit, says, no, in fact you're fired because you screwed up the mission. You could have killed the bad guy, but instead you ran after your stupid friend and let him get away. So you're done and all the other expendables are like, man, you suck Christmas. I know I've been with you for a long time. You've never let us down, but man, you suck, dude. Go take a leap and 50 cents like, not cool, not cool, dude. And Megan Foxx is like, I guess I'm in charge now, boyfriend of mine. That's too bad. I'm doing too much expression. I don't know how to express less like her. The music is there. I don't remember much of it. I remember being kind of shitty. The CG, of course, as I stated, is just a marvel in, in terrible. This is like what you'd get from Sharknado 3. That's the level of CG we're working with in this movie. Dolph Lundgren's character, Gunner, gets a side story where he can't shoot very well once he's become sober. So at the end of the movie, he takes a drink from his flask and he's able to just gun everyone down like he's deadshot from Suicide Squad. Really the parallels to Suicide Squad can't be overstated enough. Just two diamonds in the rough right here. Okay, I think I've ranted enough about this pile of shit. I cannot stress enough how bad it is, but if you enjoyed it for some reason, you might be one of the people on TikTok that commented on my Adam Does Movies TikTok account over there and said, bro, you don't know what you're talking about. This is one of the best movies I've seen all year. This person's clearly never seen a movie in their life, if they think that. But he's free to have his opinion and you are as well. Let me know in the comments. Did you actually watch Expendables 4? Did you know Expendables 4 existed? Are you surprised to hear that Stallone was killed off only to come back like a phoenix rising to take out the final boss with a rocket from a helicopter? I know I wasn't. Let me know that and more. Please like the video if you had a good time. Subscribe as I post tons of movie content each and every week. I would love to have you stick around. And if you're curious as to my thoughts on the Expendables movies as a whole, they're pretty terrible. I would say one is mediocre. One I think is easily the best. It hams it up a lot more. It's more over the top of the explosions and the things I look for from these. Three was a big step down. And this is just an embarrassment. This is Die Hard 5. Levels of embarrassing to the overall franchise. And when it comes to Die Hard, it's a far better franchise. So the fall from grace the Expendables took is even more pathetic. Alright, thanks for watching. Hopefully I see you next time.