 So, the last thing that you ever want to do is make yourself look desperate. If you make yourself look desperate, you'll be doing everything for a man. You'll make him a priority, you'll put in tons of work, you'll try to be absolutely perfect for him, and he will end up doing exactly the opposite. He'll take you for granted, he'll lose interest, he'll feel like he wants to see other people, he'll think of you only as an option, you'll become obsessed, and he will pull away and want to disappear from you, away from you forever. And so, today I'm going to be teaching you about seven different ways that a lot of women end up making themselves look desperate, many times totally on accident, I mean nobody wants to look desperate, right? And what you should be doing instead. Hi, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you like the work that I do and you want to get my entire system for free, go to the Forever Woman Formula dot com. It's a program all about how to attract a great guy into a relationship where he sees you and loves you and absolutely cherishes and adores you. So the Forever Woman Formula dot com. So what are the seven different ways that women make themselves look desperate? Number one is trying to win him over. And this looks like buying him things unexpectedly, doing stuff for him without asking, giving him too many compliments, convincing him of how great you are together, trying to be a perfect girlfriend for him, talking about how your babies will be great because of your combined genetics and if you hear stuff like that and you're like, no way, like people don't do that kind of stuff, I've seen it many, many times. Chasing a man who isn't interested in you, here's something to always remember. Never put a question mark where a man puts a period. So, oh, and by the way, if you're here with us right now, make sure that you say hi in the chat. I love it when it's really cool to see all these women from all around the world just, you know, watching our live stream. So make sure you say hi and tell us where it is in the world that you're watching this from. So instead of doing all of those things, what you want to do is you want him to win you over, at least initially, and then you want it to be more evened out over time. At no point do you want to be doing everything and doing all the investing while he leans back and does nothing. And so you will absolutely 100% lose if you try to do it that way. So that's number one, trying to win him over. Number two is giving him your commitment, your body, your interest and your love without him earning it. So this looks like being won over by him immediately, right? So men value things that they work for far more than things that are just given to them. If you want, if you just give him your commitment, your body, your interest, your love without him doing anything for it, he will value it far less. It's not fair. It's not right, but it's how human psychology works. Now, every once in a while, granted, I will hear an amazing success story where it was like this instant thing. They just saw each other and they're just like they gave each other to each other, you know, immediately, which is a really cool story. I love when I hear those. However, those are exceptions, not the rule. So don't plan on that being the scenario, right? You want to plan on it, not being the scenario. And you want to, you want to make sure that you're protecting yourself and not getting yourself into a really bad situation. And so a healthy mindset to have instead is the mindset of I'm attainable, but not easy. You want him to win you over over time. You're not immediately won over, but it's also not impossible to win you over, right? A lot of times I tell women this stuff and they'll jump over to the other side and they're like, okay, I'm totally impossible to win me over. And they're like trying to like create all these challenges and stuff. You don't want to do that. You want him to win you over and you want to set a frame around the situation where he has to win you over, but you want to be able to be won over. You want to be attainable. So number three is breaking boundaries and letting a man walk all over you. So this might look like hooking up before an emotional connection, canceling important things in your life, just to be around him, making exceptions around your time, your money, your body, your values. So what you want is to have standards that he has to live up to have preferences and things that you like and that you don't like and don't be afraid to voice those preferences. A lot of women. Well, I'll hear things like men want a woman that they can walk all over. No, they don't write and a lot of men will say that about women as well and nobody wants somebody that they can walk all over. They might test you. They might do compliance things. They might try to walk all over you, but people respect people who have boundaries. And so you want to set boundaries and stick to them because he'll value you so much more. He'll be far more attracted to you if you have boundaries and you stick to him and he tries to push those boundaries and you're like, no, I don't think so. Then if you just let him walk all over you. So you don't want to do that. You want to have boundaries. You want to have standards and you want to have preferences and you want to verbalize them and make sure that they're known. Number four is over calling and texting. So texting him all the time and being angry that he doesn't respond immediately. Right. I get we get women all the time in our community that are that, you know, it's like, it's like 24 hours and they're like, I haven't heard from them in 24 hours. And it's like, take a deep breath. If you're in that situation, take a deep breath and relax, you know, like 24 hours isn't a long time, two days isn't a long time, three days isn't even really that long of a time, you know, and what you want to do. So let's go over other ways of doing this. Right. So double texting is another one expecting him to text you every day or multiple times a day. Instead, what you want to do is you want to lean back. I did an entire video on how to lean back. If you want more information on that, make sure that you go and check out the forever woman formula at the foreverwomanformula.com. I've got an entire system about how to attract a guy and make sure that you're valued. And I talk all about this in there. So encourage behavior that you like, right? Encourage the types of behavior that you'd like to have. So framing is a really great way to do this. I talk all about that as well in my Love Frames toolkit. Find someone who matches your energy, right? Either somebody that matches your energy or become okay with the fact that he doesn't match your energy because for some people, some people are people that need kind of attention and connection all the time, right? And some people aren't. Some people are people that don't want connection a lot of the time, right? And so they, they need a lot of space. And so if you're with a guy who needs attention and connection all the time, that's great because then it's like, you know, you're both on and you're always talking and it's great and it's awesome. But if you're with a guy and you really like him and he's a guy who needs space all the time, then you need to be able to give him space. Otherwise you're going to look desperate to him and you're going to drive him away. And so what you need to do is have a life and work on yourself through healing so that you can give him some space, right? Work on the thing that I talk about in the forever woman program where you have an abundance of connection, right? So you have a connection with other things in the world so that if you need some connection, it's not like, I need it from you. It's like, I can get it from all these different places and it's not that big of a deal and I'm not going to freak him out and smother him when what he needs in order for his fire of love to grow is a little bit of space. So if you get what I'm talking about, make sure you say, I get it in the chat. If you get what I'm talking about, say, I get it. So number five is committing to him before he commits to you. And so I have a metaphor where I talk about jumping into a pool, right? It's like being with a guy and being like, oh yeah, let's go jump in this pool together and then you like run over and you're like in your swimsuit, you jump in the pool and you're like, you're splashing around in the pool and the dude's like up on, you know, the pool side and he's not in the water yet and he's like, I'm not even really sure that I want to go in there. It's kind of cold. Yeah, I'm not, I don't know. You're doing some weird stuff in there. I'm just going to go, I'm going to go over here. There's another, there's a party over here I'm going to go to and you're like in the pool, like watching him like, I thought we were getting in the pool, right? And so you want to wait for him to commit to getting in the pool as well before you jump in. Otherwise you might just be swimming alone by yourself. And so that's the metaphor. You're committed and you're fighting to make the relationship work and he doesn't even think that you're in a relationship at all. I hear this, I mean, it's just heartbreaking to hear this kind of stuff. It's horrible. I hate to hear it, but you got to make sure that you're not putting yourself into that situation, right? You don't commit to him without either him committing first or there being some kind of actual agreement around it. And so, you know, do things like I talk about in the forever woman where you don't date, you don't move in with him without getting a ring if what you want is marriage long term. Date other people until he's verbally agreed to exclusivity. And I hear women all the time that are like, but I don't want anybody else. I just want him. And it's like, what you don't understand is if you're coming from a place of scarcity, which is what that is, right? Where you're just like, there's just one guy and I got to get him, right? You're far less likely to get him and you're far more likely to get him if you have an abundance of options where you can meet other people and there's other guys and you've got an orbit and you're like, hey, which one of these guys is going to is going to step up and decide that he wants to be with me. So there's that. Number six is displaying your sexuality on social media. And so I see this all the time, right? Putting racy, half naked photos of yourself on social media. It's interesting because I'll hear women like I'll talk to women all the time about this kind of stuff that are in like they're in like a, you know, like fitness or something like that. And I'm big into fitness. I love doing fitness. And so I'll talk to women that are in the fitness and in the fitness world. And I'll talk about I'll talk to them about some of their photos and stuff. And and a lot of times the things that I'll hear is like, oh, well, I used to post a lot of like workout photos. But I found that if I focus on photos of my butt, I get a lot more likes and a lot more engagement and people are talking about it more. And so so that's what I post, right? And, you know, so my suggestion is that you don't sell yourself out on social media, you know, make access to your body limited because when a guy sees that it he it's like he feels like he can't really take you seriously in terms of relationship material because it's sending him all the wrong signals, right? If you want him to take you seriously and look at you as relationship material, don't sell yourself out on social media, make access to your body limited, shift your thinking to this physical intimacy with you is sacred and limited to a man who has earned it, right? Physical intimacy and access to your body access to those kinds of photos, make that sacred and limited to men who have earned it, right? And at a minimum, you want to know what kind of a relationship he's looking for. So these are the three things that you want. You want to make sure that you know what kind of a relationship he's looking for. You want exclusivity and you want a deep emotional connection before getting physically intimate with a man. That is my suggestion. Number seven is constantly asking him if things are OK. And this is like the the ultimate thing of desperation, which I hear all the time and I totally get it, right? I totally get it. You're like, oh, my God, like, you know, what's going on over there? I haven't heard from him. He said this one thing and I don't understand it. Like, are things OK or do you still love me, right? Like, all that kind of stuff starts coming out and it's just it's cringe worthy, right? Like, you hear it and you're like, you know, but you're thinking it and you're not thinking of it as you hearing it. And so you're like, oh, but these are the things that I'm worried about. And for him, it just it just makes you look really needy, really desperate. And it's better like if you need connection that you reach out to your friends, especially early on in a relationship before he's like really hooked on you and you've kind of built up that like emotional bank account that you guys have from being in a relationship together. And so if you need to, you know, do some healing work, figure out what your attachment style is, learn about how to become more confident, get abundance of connection in your life, like what we were talking about before you want to have an abundance of connection so that if you need some kind of connection, if if you're like freaking out and you need that connection, you need kind of validation or whatever it is that you need, you have other sources that you can get it from other than this guy. That way he's not feeling like he's constantly being drained by talking to you and being around you because you're constantly needy and pulling his energy and needing all these things from him all the time and always needing reassurance and validation and all those kinds of things. And he's just like, you know, like I really like you, but it's just so stressful and anxious for me to be around you because I am constantly having to give you everything all the time so that you're happy and feeling good about yourself. And that is not what men want, right? Men want to men want to be a part of this awesome, amazing life. What men want to be able to make it easy to make you happy, right? And and for you, like I've heard women say things like, well, if a man can't make me happy, what's his purpose? You know, and it's like, no, no, no, your job is to make you happy, right? You should be happy in your life. Like how are you not, you know, like how are you trying to like put it on somebody else, right? Like that's the ultimate like victimization of yourself is you're constantly looking to the external world to make you happy. It's going to be really, really difficult to even have a good life, let alone have a guy that is healthy, that is high value, that really wants to be around you like that. And so those are the seven things. If if you have questions, make sure that you ask them in the chat. Next, I'm going to go to the chat and we can talk about whatever questions you have. If you want to ask me questions about the world and life and relationships or whatever you want to ask me about, I'll I'll answer most most any questions that anybody has. So the things again are one, trying to win him over to giving him your commitment, body, interest and love without him earning it, three, breaking boundaries and letting a man walk all over you. Four is over calling and over texting. Five is committing to him before he commits to you. Six is displaying your sexuality on social media. Seven is constantly asking him if things are oh, don't do it. Don't do it. OK, so what do we have here? Cats Meow. Taurus says you are the best. Keep doing what you're doing. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. By the way, I love compliments. If anybody has a compliment, I won't deny your compliment. So go ahead and throw all your compliments my way. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hageane says love your advice. Hello from Gold Coast, Australia. Awesome. Thank you. Appreciate that. Margaret, thank you for your wise advice. Xiyun from Frankfurt. I was just in Frankfurt. Tokata says hello from Denver. I'm going to be in Denver in a couple of weeks. Julie Tree says how are you supposed to win a guy over that's long distance and you only see them online? That's a good question. That is a good question, Julie Tree. First off, my recommendation is that you follow my system. Because if you are following my system, Julie Tree, you wouldn't even be worried about some dude that's long distance, right? You'd have an abundance of dudes that are looking for you. Usually what happens when women start following my system is pretty easy to know if a woman's following my system or not because their problems change, right? Like problems go from there's this one guy and he lives on the other side of the world from me and I'm trying to win him over too. Like, how do I pick which guy I should date exclusively? There's like all these guys and half of them want to get married to me and you can totally tell when somebody's using my system. So my suggestion, Julie Tree, is you go get my system theforeverwomanformula.com and you start using that. So JNS says what if he started saying I love you and then it dissipated? How do I get that back? Well, you let his love grow again, right? So it kind of depends on what happened from when he said I love you to it dissipating. However, it could be a whole bunch of different things and you have to kind of figure out what happened, right? Because what happened was there is a bunch of different things and I don't know how long you've been seeing this guy or any of the background story, obviously. However, there's a bunch of things that led up to him saying I love you and then there's things that happened and now he doesn't say I love you anymore. And so those things that worked, you want to have, you want to continue doing those things and the things that happened between there, you can either stop doing those things but it might be things that you have no control over and so you have to figure out what those things were and what happened and it might not even be anything. It might just be that he hasn't felt the need to say it or maybe he might have even said it one time or two times and he felt like maybe it wasn't appropriate or something and so he stopped saying it. Who knows? I mean, there's a lot of different things that could have happened and I would, it's important that you see that. Tricia says, I missed the beginning. I hope this will be available to re-watch it. Thank you for your help and insight. Yes, it will absolutely be available. Looks like lots of people say, I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it. Kat says, what about a guy that pushes back and says we should pursue each other 50-50? Well, first off, one of the things that you have to remember, Kat, is that what guys say that they want and what they're attracted to aren't the same things, right? So there was a woman a while back who was on one of our live streams who asked about a guy said that he wants to be pursued and chased and he always wants to be pursued and chased, right? And it's like, okay, but one, is that gonna get you into the relationship you want, right? Two, it's like, okay, so if a guy says, like, I like to have multiple women, right? A lot of guys like that, right? They wanna be pursued and chased and have all these women after him but if you're one of those women, are you in a good situation? The answer is no. You want him to be pursuing and chasing you and like what I talked about before, you know, it kind of depends on where you are in the situation. It's, you know, when I talk about leaning back, it's not necessary that you never initiate, I'm not saying you shouldn't ever initiate, right? You can initiate contacting him. You can do things like, if you're in a world where a man is moving towards you, right? Him and his energy is moving towards you. He's pushing things forward. He's trying to hang out with you. He's doing all these things. It's not a problem if you do almost anything, right? Like you can call him, you can text him, you could set up a date, you could plan something, you could go to where he is. It's not a problem because he has so much energy already pushing, you know, moving towards you. If he's already super invested in you, if he's already doing all these things and you start doing some things as well, it's not a big deal. 50-50, I mean, that's kind of hitting the line right there. Like you shouldn't ever go above 50-50, but you know, if you do, like you can test it, right? Like this is something that you can actually test. You can try doing things where you initiate more often and see how he responds. Does he start kind of going cold? If he does, then you know that he's the kind of guy that needs you to lean back and for him to pursue you. But if you start doing a little bit of it and it doesn't slow him down at all, if he doesn't cool down at all from that, then it's like, oh, that's totally cool. Everything's great and it's no problem that you're in a 50-50 situation. And so you have to figure out what works for your situation. That's the most important thing. I can give you guidelines. I can give you rules. I can give you my system at the foreverwomanformula.com and you can go and follow that system, which I recommend that you do. However, you're gonna have to shift things up a little bit for your particular situation and your particular guy and you and your needs because every single person is an individual, right? There's patterns that men and women have. There's patterns of masculinity and femininity, but there's individuals that you're actually working with and individuals all have different things and you need to figure out what works for you. So I hope I explained that well enough for you, cat. Mary says, awesome videos, love is free and free. I'll definitely agree, love is fun when it's given back a man pursues the lady, thank you. You're welcome, oh, free, well. So Anna says, what to do if acts mature? What the man's acting mature or your acting immature? What to do if acts immature? You can set up boundaries. It depends on what you mean by acts immature, right? Like saying acts immature is kind of like putting an umbrella over behavior without saying what that behavior is. Like you'd have to get a little bit more specific about what that behavior is. Tukata says, sucks to be single while all these rules and games. Well, you know, I don't really look at it as necessarily even rules or games. I just look at it as like human behavior, right? We're learning about each other. Like my goal here is to empower you. Right now we are in a world of something they call the hookup culture, right? Women, men and women, right? Most people are looking for a real relationship. They're looking for a committed relationship. But we have kind of all these different problems. One is this hookup culture where people have gotten to a point where they're settling for these situations where they're just hooking up with each other instead of having real relationships. And so a lot of people are abandoning each other really, really quickly and easily. They're looking for kind of quick fix easy fling things. They're going for things that they wouldn't normally go for because they think that there's more availability out there for kind of like short term superficial stuff. And so what we're doing here is we're really, I'm helping empower you. That's what my goal is. My goal is to give you systems and ways to make sure that you protect yourself and you get yourself into the best possible situation so that you can have the relationship that you absolutely wanna have. Men and women are hurt right now. There's a lot of pain out there. And so what you need to do is you need to learn how to communicate and know what your value is from a deep internal level so that when you meet a guy you're not taken advantage of, you don't get yourself into a bad situation. You need to be true to yourself, right? Like it's not about just following these rules and playing these games. It's about making sure that you're coming from an empowered, strong, healthy place where you're true to yourself. You know who you are. You're being your best self. Other things that you need to know are treating intimacy and commitment as a sacred act, right? This is very, very important because of the way that men look at intimacy and commitment. It's important that you treat it in a way that everybody else isn't, right? Right now everybody's treating commitment and intimacy like it's just this thing that you do and it's not a big deal and it doesn't matter, right? And so now we have these huge divorce rates and we've got the hookup culture and all these people aren't really getting into relationships because they aren't taking it seriously anymore and so it's important you treat it as it's sacred, right? Another one is partnership. Partnership is incredibly important because if you want a guy to see you as somebody that wants to be with you over the long term, he needs to make sure that you guys can grow together. He needs to be able to see into the future and be like this is a woman that I can be with in the long term future and you need to surround yourself with other women who support you. If you're having these problems, right? And so if you are having these problems, I suggest that you go and join our community. Go over to the foreverwomanformula.com, you know, get a free copy of my program, join our community and be a part of a network that helps empower you and gives you the tools that you absolutely need in order to create the relationship that you want. If you're not having a problem, that's great. You know, if you're not single and you're in a great relationship where a man sees you and he loves you and cherishes you, then that's really, really awesome. But it's really not about rules and games. It's about setting yourself up for success, you know, making sure that you are successful. So R.S. says I have a short relation with a coworker and he always is hot and cold. In last weeks, he tried to make me jealous, flirting with other coworkers. And after, if I lean back, he always tried to interact with, kind of cut off there. I don't know what the rest of your comment was. See if I can find it here. Yeah, I'm not seeing the rest of your comment. If you want to answer, if you want me to answer that question, then you're gonna have to post the rest of it again in the comments because I don't see it. Judy says, excellent metaphors, thank you. Katzmeow says, but isn't the guy gonna think you're a hoe? I'm not sure which scenario you're talking about there, Katzmeow. Sharon says, I get it. You gotta match or go slower than the man. Yeah, that's exactly what you gotta do. You gotta, because you're putting yourself in a good situation, right? That's what you wanna do is make sure that you're getting yourself into a good situation. We had a woman in this last live stream that I did where she was like, she got into a relationship after two weeks of being with a guy and she's surprised that he's like disappearing. It's like, you went a little bit too fast there. You gotta get to know the guy a little bit better before you're in a relationship. You're not in a relationship if he's disappearing on you and blocking you. Luzette says, or women who talk against other women who it said wants him. That too makes a woman look desperate, okay? So Ramona says, hi, Matt, you always look so young. Well, thank you. Mary says, how is treating you sat the current time is pursuing? Yes, I agree, not impossible to win me. However, not easy peasy. I have no idea what you just said there. MIA Mirage says, hi, my name is Jokey, but everyone calls me Esco. She says, she purchased the Forever Woman program, which is free by the way, you don't have to purchase it and make him want you and I'm in San Diego and I do agree 100%, but it can be extremely hard to take action. It can be, action's the most important part though. Luzette says, and don't always be in his face trying to always talk to him. It's right. Mary says, self-respect wins all. It's very important to respect yourself. Yep. Millie Mel says, that's annoying even for a woman. Yeah, I mean, a lot of these things, it's universal for men and for women and so a lot of times women will be like, well, why do I have to do these things and men don't and it's like, well, men have the same problems. You know, a lot of the same problems men are having and so you just gotta realize that it's not just one or the other. GNS says, Scottsdale Arizona, I used to live there. Mary says, does he enjoy cheap and easy or high quality women is the question or lazy? Mary says, in it to win it with a self-respected man who pursues me. That's what I'm talking about Mary. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Good job. Good job. Millie Mel says, I always say friends are trippin' on. Are for trippin' on. Liz says, thanks for being refreshingly healthy. All right. Luzette says, yes Mary, it's why I run behind no man. I know women who do and they're miserable. Not sure what that means. Katzmeow says, how do I get one? Well, you start meeting more guys. I love you Jesus says. I met this guy on Facebook, he's American. He said he wants a serious relationship. Five days ago through a video call he asked me if I'd be his girlfriend. I said yes, so he'll come meet me in Brazil. Okay. Liz says, thank you Matt, you're welcome. Kathy says, you helped me so much. Thank you Matthew, you're welcome. Patty says, hey Matt, nice to see you. Nice to be here, thanks for being here Patty. Carla says, he was so into me at first and then backed off emotionally. I don't do any of the seven things, what now? You're aware. E by the way. You're aware E by the way. You're aware E by the way. Well Carla, you need to lean back. That's the most important thing that you can do. If you're in a situation where he was super into you emotionally and then all of a sudden he backed off, you need to back off as well. There's a thing that I call pacing. And what you do is you mirror a guy's interest level in you. And so if he pulls back, what a lot of women do is they try to close that gap. And what that does is it makes him feel like he's being smothered. And so he backs even further away, right? It's like a magnet that's the same charge pushing another magnet away. And so if he pulls back, what you wanna do is pull back as well and let him fill back in that space. And when he fills that space back in, then that's when you come back together. I love you Jesus says, the thing is he is hot and cold every day. This is so weird and makes me feel awkward. Well, tell me a little bit about what you mean by he's hot and cold every day. Like he talks to you and then he doesn't talk to you. Like what do you mean by hot and cold every day? Katzmeow says, you're gorgeous when you smile. Okay, thank you. Thanks Katzmeow, I appreciate that. Didi says, hi Matt, my guy has been visiting family for a month. He said he would be gone for that long but it's been over a month now. Would it be okay to tell him I'm feeling unsafe because his return is open-ended? Well, I mean, have you guys been talking? Like what's the communication been like? What has he been telling you? Like has he been talking to you at all? Like we've only dated about three months but we're exclusive. Like what country are you in? What country did he go back to? Is he a citizen of your country? Like what do you mean he's, is it a different country? Is he in the same country? Like I'm not sure exactly what's going on here so you'd have to tell me a little bit more about your situation and like what kind of communication you've had since he's been gone and what he's kind of said about the situation. Cause I mean, I would imagine that if he's been gone for over a month, you've probably had a conversation with them about like, hey, are you coming back? You know, like when were you planning on coming back? I was just curious, you know? And if he hasn't told you that then that's definitely one of the first questions that you wanna have. Ms. Paranoid Android says, Matt, you're the best. Thanks for calming me down, you're welcome. You're welcome. Laura says, hello from East Tennessee, hello. Jin K says, what do you think or maybe it doesn't mean anything but a man who has never married, he's 60. Well he's probably, you know, people have patterns, right? So if he's never been married and he's 60, it means that he's probably never wanted to get married, right? And so you might wanna ask him about that. Like why haven't you gotten married at all? You know, you're 60 years old and you've never gotten married before. I mean, if marriage is important to you and he's 60 and he's never been married, there's a really high probability chance that he's never getting married. I mean, really high probability chance because what's probably happened if, you know, let's say that he's met other women and he's dated other women and been in relationships before is he's probably talked himself out of getting married even with women that were probably good for him. And so if I were you, what I would make sure that you do is find out about that. I mean, if you want to get married, he's probably not the right guy for you. But if marriage isn't that important to you and really what you care about is the relationship, then you should be looking at relationship stuff instead of whether he's been married or not. But if marriage is important to you, then he's probably not the right guy unless he's looking at you and talking about it. So Odessa says, my ex-fiancé have maintained daily contact since I moved out but the shift is clear. He still takes care of me, he pays my phone bill, just helped me set up a website but as far as talking, we keep saying good morning and have a good day every day. Can I turn this around? Yeah, I mean, it's possible that you can definitely turn it around. It kind of depends on the situation with him, like why you guys broke up, right? So your ex-fiancé, you guys broke up for a reason and so there's a couple of different things there, right? If he broke up with you and you want to get back with him, he probably broke up with you for a very specific reason and he probably doesn't want to go back to the same situation or relationship that he was already in. And so you have to take care of that, those two things first, right? You need to come from a space where you're not kind of creating the same scenario. Like most people that break up with somebody, they don't want to get back into the same thing that they broke up with, right? Because usually what happens is they feel free at first and they're like, oh, yes, I'm so free, right? And they go out into the world and then they're like, you know, it kind of sucks being single, right? And they're like, oh, you know, I go on these dates and it's really hard and everybody just wants to hook up, right? Even as a guy, you're like, oh, you know, like, I kind of want something real and I miss that real connection that I had. Man, we had so many good times when, you know, Adessa and I were together and, you know, but then he comes back to you and what happens when he comes back to you is very, very important because if he comes back to you and the same things that pushed him away and drove him out are still there, he's going to be like, oh, yeah, that's worse. And I'm not going back to that. And so you have to make sure that you clean that up and you take care of that. Usually it involves some kind of healing process, some kind of self-care, usually involves like creating an abundance of connection or an abundance of options, going out and meeting other people, creating a life outside of him, you know, re kind of building your self-identity and getting back to a space where you feel like you don't even really need him in your life but having him in your life would be really amazing and awesome. Arlene says, hi Matt, thank you so much for all your help. You are welcome. Hello from Romania. Thank you so precious. I'll actually be in Romania in two weeks. Be there in two weeks. Luzette says, crazy women, you don't even try to win a man over. Okay. Ramona says, dating a guy three years, listen to everything you said, we were great. He was even speaking of marriage, all of a sudden total withdrawal three weeks in. Now what's the deal? Well, it kind of depends, right? Like, okay, so you guys were together for three years and he's speaking of marriage and all of a sudden he does a total withdrawal, right? Something happened. Something happened and he does a total withdrawal, right? Something probably happened around the point when he stopped talking about marriage, he stopped kind of moving his energy forward towards you and all of a sudden started withdrawing it and then there was a total withdrawal. And so you have to figure out, like there's no way for me to tell you what happened, right? Like you gave me one sentence, that's a question. You have to look at what happened. That's what you need to find out is what happened in that scenario. Was it something that was going on with you? Was it something that was going on with him? Was it a combination of things? Was there something that happened at his work? Was there, you know, what happened? What was going on? What led up to that period of time? And so you need to take a look at that. Viviana says, hi from California, love your videos. Thank you, you are welcome. Vanessa said, we dated two months, became exclusive but I broke up with him and now I regret it and he hates me. Well, if you're trying to get back with him, you know, you really have to, you're the one that's gonna have to mend things, right? And you're gonna have to make things chill and make things okay for him to feel safe to come back to you. It happens, it happens all the time. People do it all the time. They break up with somebody and they're like, ah, this is, you know, things were actually really good together. Luzette says they should try to win you over. Exactly, that should be your mindset. I love you, Jesus says, it's great name, by the way. I love you, I love you, Jesus. Well, there are a bunch of guys who want to meet me and marry me, but I like this guy from the US more. He said he's coming to Brazil in two weeks but he is hot and cold almost every day. Thanks a lot for your help yet. Like I said, you have to tell me what that means. What do you mean by he's hot and cold? Every day, like every day he's hot and cold. What does that mean? That it sounds strange, right? Like it sounds really strange. I mean, it's possible that he's like angry and then really sweet, but it's also possible that he talks to you and then stops talking to you. And so what do you mean by hot and cold? Cause it's either something that's absolutely normal or it's a giant red flag. And we have to know which one it is in order for us to help you with your situation. If you don't tell us, we won't know. By the way, I'm gonna be in Brazil in about a month, be in Brazil in about a month and a half, maybe. So Sharon says, I agree with that Matthew. Actions speak louder than words. Exactly. Almira says, Indonesia right here. I'm gonna go with your advice. Love this one. All right. Asia says, hi Matt. My long distance guy crush reached out to me out after I stopped calling for three weeks. He said, he's been thinking of me and hope I'm okay. I said, I am well and hope you're good too. Was that too cold? I mean, not necessarily. I mean, if a guy hasn't contacted you in a while and he contacts you, the first thing that you probably wanna say is just, hey, you know, it's so good to hear your voice. Like it feels so good to hear your voice. Like come do that stuff where, do that stuff that Helena talks about where she comes just like the feeling stuff. Like, oh, it feels so good to hear you. Which you don't necessarily have to do. I don't really teach that. You can do that. Like it feels really good to hear your voice or it's so nice to hear from you, right? Because then he knows, right? Like if you send somebody a message and you're like, hey, I was thinking of you and I hope you're okay, right? And you're like, yeah, I'm well and I hope you're good too, right? It's kind of something that a friend would say to each other, right? And it's not necessarily encouraging him because there's a little ambiguity there which isn't necessarily bad. But if he's in a place where he hasn't talked to you in a while and you want to encourage him to talk to you, then just encourage the action, right? And you frame things, right? I have a program called the Love Frames Toolkit where I talk all about framing stuff and you wanna frame things where you're like, hey, I like this and framing that or saying, hey, that's really attractive or it feels so good to hear this, right? And him hearing that, he'll think, oh, like, she enjoys it and so I'll try doing it again, right? So that's kind of what you wanna do in that kind of scenario. Asia says, don't want him to think I'm not interested anymore because I'm in love with him and have been for a couple of years now. Yeah, you just wanna encourage the behavior, right? You want to, whenever he does a behavior where he's moving his energy towards you, what you wanna do is encourage more of that behavior by acknowledging it and appreciating it, right? And so when you acknowledge and appreciate it and you're just like, hey, that's really, and you don't wanna go overboard with it, but just you can say it in that kind of sense if you're talking to him, you can say it like, I love it when you contact me, it just makes me feel so good, right? Like when you do that and you just leave it at that, right? It's in the kind of context of a larger conversation that makes him feel like, okay, like she loves it when I call her or when I talk to her or when I text her or whatever, I'm going to do more of that behavior, right? Because I want her to like me a lot. And so I'm gonna keep doing that. So Kay Foster says, a sense seo furth, if kids are important to you, you need a straight answer. I love you, Jesus. Yes, I want this dude to move towards me today. He says he loves me. Tomorrow he takes forever to show up, just weird. Well, I mean, it's one of those things where like, so what it sounds like, so thanks for kind of elaborating on your situation. What it sounds like is it's totally fine, right? And you're freaking out for no reason, right? Because you're overthinking this right now. And he's kind of in this situation where he's like, hey, I love you. And then the next day it takes him a while to show up, right? And start talking to you. And so it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong. It sounds like you are just freaking out about whether everything's okay because you're insecure about it, which is totally understandable. But what you need to realize is that this probably isn't a problem with him. It's probably just something that's going on with you. And so what you need to do is relax and get an abundance of connection and do the things that I talk about in the forever woman program where you just create a situation where you're not freaking out about him. And so you're relaxed and leaning back and allowing him to kind of do what he does. And so if you start overthinking it, you might end up doing some things that you regret later and that actually push him away when things weren't even, there wasn't even anything wrong in the situation. So, and there you go. I think I'll keep in contact with other guys too, exactly. There you go. Sharon says, when a guy is hot and cold, I only mirror. I agree that a guy should pursue. I do not like that rule of 50-50. I've been there, it doesn't work. It doesn't always work, right? And it doesn't work a lot of the time, especially in the initial phases of a dating scenario. You don't wanna be doing it in the initial phases. You want him to be moving his energy towards you. You want him to be investing. It's okay for you to do other stuff, but the more he's investing, the better situation you're in. And the less you're investing, the more power you have over the situation. And so it's not a bad thing to get to a space of 50-50, but it starts to get on that line of a scenario where you might actually end up making him feel a little bit of disinterest. And so, yeah. Anyway, Pam says, I met a man on social media two months ago. Within one month, he spoke of what he'd like to do to me. I told him that was not appropriate. He apologized and two weeks later, he brought it up again. What should I say? We only spoke via text or Skype. He lives two hours away, wants to meet up. I'm not sure anymore. Well, you shouldn't be sure about that one. That is, I mean, it's just, so here's different things that you need to know. One is that it's kind of a man's job to push things forward from a physical standpoint. If guys didn't push things forward from a physical standpoint, nobody would be hooking up ever, right? Like, it's very rare for women to be that aggressive physically. I mean, it's very rare. It does happen, but it's pretty rare. And so, he has to do that to some extent. But if you're kind of creating these boundaries and you're like, hey, I'm not, that's not appropriate. I'm not cool with that. I need love and connection and all these other things first. And he ignores that and he does it again anyway. Then what he's doing is he's stepping over your boundaries and he's seeing how you're gonna react to it. And my suggestion is that you should reward that behavior with your disappearance. That's my suggestion because that's gonna be happening more and more and more in your situation. And you wanna make sure, I mean, he wants to meet up and he's, it sounds like he's gonna be pushing it pretty hard. And so, like I said, you need to make sure that you're doing what I talk about in the forever woman formula, the forever woman program at the foreverwomanformula.com so that you're not kind of stuck on this dude. And it doesn't even sound like, it sounds to me like he is putting himself in a scenario where he is weeding himself out. He's screening himself out. And that's what I suggest that you do is you screen that guy out. Christy says long distance together one year had fight because I said I'm not feeling loved. Seems he puts a bare minimum, said I need actions not words gave him two days space. He didn't show love, he just gave up. Well, you have to tell us a little bit more about your long distance relationship. Have you guys met each other? Are you actually in a relationship? Do you meet up ever? Are you not meeting up at all? Like what is the scenario? You have to tell me more about it because if you are not meeting up then really what you need to be doing is going through my program. Because sounds, because it's, if you're in a situation we're not meeting up with them, it's a problem. It's a problem. So Millie Mel says women are emotional and men are logical. Eh, you know, men are also emotional but they just tend to be more rational about it. Women tend to be more kind of really connected to their emotions and less rational about their decisions and men tend to be more rational about their decisions but they still typically make decisions totally based on their emotions, right? Like people aren't buying, you know, $200,000 cars because they're logical, you know, guys aren't buying, you know, ridiculous gold watches because they're logical. They're doing it because they're emotional and they want emotional needs met. Manon says short-term superficial stuff is, didn't finish, you didn't finish your sentence, Manon. Excuse me. Sharon says, yes, it's human behavior. We have to adapt to our environment just like our relationships, yes. Viviana says online dating to me is so hard because men feel like they have lots of options out there. It depends, some men do, right? Some men don't and so you have to, you know, it's, you wanna make sure that you're not like just dating players, right? Cause like online dating, yeah, there's a lot of options and depending on where you live, he might have a lot of options and depending on where you live, he might not have a lot of options because there's, typically right now, especially there's kind of this small group of men who are like getting most of the women. It's a very small group of men and they're all the players and the chads out there in the world and they're getting a lot of women and most of the guys in the world are in this world of not getting a lot of women and then there's this small, it's not that small, it's around 30% of men aren't getting any women at all, right? Those are the statistics and it doesn't matter if those guys are online or not, they're still not getting any women. So some men are and they have a lot of options and some men aren't and so you need to be making sure that you put yourself in the best possible situation and my suggestion is also that you meet men offline. That's the best place to meet men is to meet them offline, by far. Manon says, short term superficial stuff is not the right way to start a relationship. There you go, that's the finish of the sentence. Patty says, how many men should you actually date? Well, if you're gonna have an orbit of men, what you want to date, I mean, I wouldn't be seriously kind of getting into dating situations with more than two or three men, right? You can have more men who are kind of orbiting around in case you're kind of available for it but if you get past like three men, it turns into this world of I don't know what's going on. Who's that guy again? I don't remember his situation. What did he say to me? Well, I don't even remember what he does is a job, right? Cause you have so many options. It turns into too much and so you want to have an orbit of guys but you only want the guys that really kind of step up to your standards to talk to them and you only want guys that are really closer to what you're really looking for to be in that orbit if you have a lot of different options. Kathy says, men feel like they have a lot of options out there because women are giving it up so freely. That is what the hookup culture is all about. You need to stop giving them those options. Well, those options probably aren't going away anytime soon. So what you don't want to rely on is men not having those options. What you do want to rely on is being different and having standards, encouraging men to step up to those standards and doing the things that I talk about because if you're doing the things that I talk about you're going to be putting yourself into the best possible scenario that you can be in. Tukata says, thank you for expanding your thoughts and coaching Matt, you are welcome. Katzmeow says, many different options saying date a bunch of men. Carla says, I don't push at all. He was all in at first then backed off. Now what? Pacing, do pacing, pacing and mirroring. Just talked about it. R.S. says, if I lean back he tried to interact with me and again he is interesting. He makes me feel great when we are alone. What should I do? I'll get alone with him as much as possible. That's what, be alone with him if he makes you feel great when you're alone. So Mannin says, I think you have to know what men think and behave in a relationship to avoid getting hurt. Yeah, I mean you just have to set yourself up for success, right? And that's everything, my whole system is based on making sure that you are put in the best possible situation that you can be in. That's what all my work is about. Empowering you so that you are in a scenario where you are most likely to get exactly what it is that you want. My nose keeps itching. My grandma used to say that if your nose is itching somebody's thinking about you. Somebody out there thinking about me. Who's thinking about me? Are you thinking about me? Who's thinking about me out there? I'm just joking. Okay, so Michelle says good morning from Sydney. Hey handsome, good morning. I love you Jesus says I love your advice. Thanks, you are welcome. Manan says thank you Matthew for your great sense of humor. Well I'm glad you enjoy my sense of humor. I love you Jesus says you got me, he talks and then doesn't. Ha ha, I knew it. But talks to me as if I was his girlfriend. I'm gonna leave the door open to other guys. I need to learn your method. Yeah, you know, it's really, it's not that like, it shouldn't be that devastating, right? It shouldn't be that devastating to you that he talks to you and then doesn't talk to you during part of the day. You need to be like creating other things going on in your life so that you're not so obsessed with is this happening right now with him, right? We talked about that in depth. Carla says thank you Matt. Roseanne says hey Matt, you're losing weight. I don't know, am I losing weight? Does it look like I'm losing weight? Do I look, do I look like I'm losing weight? I don't know. Katzmeow says okay, here's my question. The guy I'm talking to just told me he loves me but I'm the one that is always asking when can I see you? I don't wanna feel desperate, not sure if he is still with his ex-wife. Well, that's a question you should definitely be asking and finding out more information about. Is he with his ex-wife? Are you with your ex-wife? Are you still like, I've got to, so, you know, it's kind of an interesting situation, right? So you're talking to a guy and he told you that he loves you but he might be with his ex-wife and so, like, that's a huge red flag, Katzmeow. It's a huge red flag. You gotta find that out, right? You gotta figure that out and you gotta make sure, like, if he's just leaving some woman, it's gonna take him some time to heal and there's a good chance he's gonna go back to her and if he's definitely with his ex-wife, you surely don't wanna spend any time with him at all or even talk to him anymore and so my suggestion would be that you just be straight up like, hey, are you still with your ex-wife, right, and just get it out of him and make sure that he is very clear with his answer with you and if he says that, if he says anything but no, never talk to him again. If he says no, be skeptical. If you think that he's with his ex-wife and he says that he's not, still be skeptical about it but give him the benefit of the doubt and make sure that you look for the signs to make sure that he's not. That's my suggestion. Hajain says, I have a guy that came on hot but has backed away. I let him go and I'm dating a few other guys. It's a little annoying though. I have to stay in touch with him as he's my financial advisor. Getting in touch with your financial, dating your financial advisor, that's a first. Okay, so what do we got going on here? Okay, so here's the deal guys. I know that you come and you're looking to be valued by a great guy, right? You want to be seen, you want to be loved, you deserve a guy who feels like you're too important to him to ever want to let you go, right? You deserve a committed relationship. You deserve a relationship where you're happy and you're seen, you're loved and you're absolutely cherished and adored for being the amazing beautiful woman that you are. And we live in this world where there's the hookup culture and it's kind of devastating for a lot of people because it's a real challenge for a lot of people to get into real relationships for guys and women and some of it's not even by choice anymore. So many people have kind of gotten into these scenarios where they're just having these superficial relationships that it's hard for them to even move into something real again and so what I've done here is so I believe that relationships between men and women don't have to be so difficult. Being loved and cherished in a committed lasting relationship, it shouldn't just be for people who get lucky, right? Dating shouldn't be so hard for people. And so I've put together a program called The Forever Woman and you can go get it at theforeverwomanformula.com And really it's a system to help you put yourself in the best possible scenario so that you get into the relationship that you wanna have. And so what it helps you do is it helps you believe in your value as a woman. It helps position you yourself in a position where you know that you're gonna be valued by men and it helps you communicate your value to whatever men that you're with so that you get men who see your value and treat you like an amazing valuable woman that you are. And so we're done with this video. My suggestion is there should be a link above or below this video. If not, go to theforeverwomanformula.com. There's a video there, watch the video. If you want, you can join our community there. Use our resources that we have. Get connected with the other women that are in our community so that they can help you with any questions that you have. We also have an anonymous forum where our coaches will help you with any questions that you have specific to your scenario and just get into a position where you can have the best chance to get into the relationship that you wanna have. So my suggestion is that you go over to theforeverwomanformula.com. You can go and join our program there for free. If you decide that you wanna stay a part of it, it's $37 a month. You can stay in our program if you want to. If not, that's fine. You get to keep theforeverwoman program and you get it for free. So if you don't go and do this, it's like if you're having a hard time right now, like you're gonna continue to have a hard time unless you do something differently. And so you wanna stop doing what you've been doing and get the best information you possibly can that'll set you up in a scenario where you will get into the relationship that you've always wanted to have. And so make sure that you go over to theforeverwomanformula.com. If you love, if you enjoy my materials, if you like this video, make sure you go out, go over and check that out, learn more about our community. And thank you so much for being here. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. Thank you for trusting me and giving you information. We've helped so many women that have been a part of our community that are doing some amazing things that have gone from feeling like they're completely frustrated to being in a scenario where they have so many options that it's hard for them to choose. And it's so cool to see women going from this place where they're struggling to a place where they feel loved, where they feel like they're important again, where they feel like they can actually have the relationship that they want, where they feel like they have the power to really control what kind of a relationship that they get into. And so thank you so much for being here with me today. And I will speak with you again in the next video. So I'll talk to you, talk to you all later.