 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, some men ghost. Ghost because you did this. Some men ghost because you did this. All right. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. I shoot about three or four videos per week. All right, let's talk about men who ghost and this is in the early stages of dating and let me share with you. This is just gonna be a short video. It's a very personal share, but it's something that seems to happen or happened to me recently where a woman had, I was interacting with a woman on a dating app and and we stopped interacting and I found out through somebody else that she said I ghosted her and so I want to address this situation that happens in the early stages of dating where you're You haven't even gotten on a telephone call yet so this is the ghost that happens before the telephone call where you're interacting with someone through your little smartphone devices, okay, and you're interacting with them and all of a sudden the conversation ends. It doesn't go anywhere and what occurs to me that happens frequently is that there's an expectation that men are initiating all of the conversations that the expectation is men are initiating all the conversations and what happened in this particular case and this has happened frequently, I've interacted with a woman. I just didn't feel much rapport, connection or flirtation going on with her. I try to be flirtatious. I try to be get rapport going but if I don't feel rapport coming back, I just don't initiate something and what's interesting is that gets labeled as ghosting and so what's happening here is that there's this expectation that men are driving the bus in communication. I'm here to say it's a two-lane street of communication so when I stopped communication that woman could have reached out to me and if it was happened to be flirty, we might have continued with it but to label it as ghosting that's not what happened. I just chose not to continue to go forward and that's what often happens in the early stages of dating when a guy doesn't, you know, you go on a date, you have a good time and he doesn't follow up for a date. That's not ghosting. That's just merely he's just, it's not even that he's not that into you. It's just maybe there wasn't any initiation coming from her. So what I've observed is in fact I had a recent situation with the client some months ago where literally when she reached out to me she said, you know, the man she was interacting with didn't, he said, you know, I can't remember what he said but something like I'll try to get back to you or something like that and my response was, hey, send a flirty text. And see what happens and sure enough, he perked up just by simply sending a little flirty text. So she was about to write him off. I say, no, why don't you try something different? And so my invitation here is to recognize that communication is a two-lane street and it requires some level of flirtation. Another way of looking at is dropping the hanky, giving green lights because we men need encouragement to keep the communication flow going. So we're not necessarily ghosting when it happens. We just don't feel like you like us and we don't feel like you like us. We don't feel enthusiastic of putting in much effort and when we don't feel enthusiastic putting in effort we just move on to the person that's going to show some interest. I think one of the reasons why ghosting happens so frequently and I say I'm not saying 50% of the time or even 40% of the time but I want to say at least 30% of the time when a guy isn't communicating or connecting, it's because he probably on some level isn't feeling like you're into him. Now, I know you can't be into somebody just through this device. I get that but what I mean to say is some flirtation, some interest, some compliments. In fact, if you're not familiar with my acronym, ACE, A-C-E, A-C-E, A stands for appreciation. Men rarely get appreciated for their efforts so I'm always throwing in the word appreciation or gratitude in communication. The C stands for compliment. Men need some encouragement, men need some compliments. Hey, you're handsome. I don't know. I like your car. That's not really a compliment but maybe compliment him on his profession, the way he looks, maybe the way he dresses, some little compliment and then enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the E, A-C-E, appreciation, compliment, enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. For example, you can get the first message an interaction on a dating site like Bumble or Tinder or whatever and you can start with, hey, I really appreciate you responding back. Start with the words of appreciation. Start with that. Hey, you look really great in that outfit or some compliment or I really loved your profile. I loved what you shared in your profile. Some compliment and then some enthusiasm. The reason why they created these little emojis is to create enthusiasm. So use an enthusiastic emoji to create some energy because then that allows us men to come a little bit closer to you. We're sometimes scared. Sometimes we don't feel safe and it's not, there's this, I know you're getting a lot of advice. If he's really into you, he's going to come after you but we, most of the time we barely know you. We need some encouragement and that's my invitation for you. This is try these things. Try ACE. Try this awareness because oftentimes, you know, we're not ghosting for anything malicious. It's just, a lot of times it's just, we just not thinking you're into us and sometimes all it takes is one text message to shift the dynamic and I can tell you, I've had situations where a woman almost sabotaged a relationship by going into the negative and I'm here to suggest try the positive. That's using self-love and everyone who knows, I always talk about my book. What the heck is self-love? Anyway, self-love is stepping into, leaning into your empowerment, leaning into your sovereignty, leaning into the process because if you do that, you might be surprised and that's my invitation for you. By the way, a link to my book is below. Also, if you'd like to schedule a discovery call with me, the link is below a free discovery call to see if working with the coach is right for you and I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do today, giving myself a big gigantic hug of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love, if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thank you so much and wishing you a wonderful day. Bye-bye now.