 NARC survivor live video. In this one, we're going to be talking about why did the narcissist do that to you? What was their reason or motive for doing that? The narcissist does a lot of the things that they do because of their childhood trauma. That is what they're responding to. It is CPTSR, complex, post-traumatic stress response. And yes, you could argue that a lot of people have CPTSD, a lot of people have childhood trauma. And yet they don't behave like narcissists. They don't do what narcissists do. And yes, that may be true. Not everyone does what narcissists do. Even though they may have been through similar situations, it is true that you could put two people in the same situation through the same experience and they would respond to it differently. And they may have a different outcome. It depends on how they choose to respond to it. But despite that, narcissists are still responding to their childhood trauma. And we all are. We all have childhood trauma. We've all been through some things. I don't think anyone had the perfect childhood. And if you are self-aware, then you will notice when you go through certain things, when you deal with certain situations, you will notice that you are responding in a way that is not really you. It's your programming. If you're self-aware, you can recognize it. You know that it's something that you've learned. It's a way of coping with what you've been through. And yeah, you may feel bad about that, but really it's nothing to feel ashamed of. Actually, you should feel proud that you have that awareness because then you can take accountability and you can change and become better despite what you've been through. And that's something a narcissist is never going to do. They're never gonna look at themselves and see that they are responding to their childhood trauma. They're never gonna see it that way. But yeah, that's really why they did what they did to you. That's why they love bombed you. They manipulated you. They devalued and degraded you. They put you down and then they discarded you when they had no use for you. Yeah, that's why they did all of those things. They did those things because they're in survival mode. They're just trying to survive. They're only thinking about themselves because that's really how it is when you've been through trauma like that. It's very hard for you to think about someone else. And that is why many people who have been through relationships with narcissists, they may look at themselves and question if they are the narcissist because after everything you've been through and you may have been isolated, you may have had no support throughout it all. You may feel like you're becoming narcissistic. You may only think and care about yourself. You may start putting yourself first for a change. That's perfectly natural after everything you've been through. Of course you're gonna do that because your mind, body and soul is telling you. And for once in your life, you need to think about yourself. You need to attend to your own needs instead of putting everyone else first like you've always done, like you were always taught to do. So yeah, after a relationship with a narcissist, you may feel narcissistic. You may feel self-absorbed. You may even lack empathy for other people, that's normal because it's like if you've just had your leg ripped off and you feel like you're dying after everything you had to go through, it's very hard for you to really care so much about someone else because in your mind you're thinking, what about me? After everything I've gone through, I need help. I need someone to attend to my needs for a change. But at the very least, I need the time and the energy to attend to myself. And yeah, it's a similar thing with the narcissist but remember these are things that happened in their childhood and they just repeat this cycle never self-reflecting without any self-awareness. They just do the same things to people again and again. So yeah, there's a big difference there between what a victim goes through and how a narcissist responds to their childhood trauma. There is a big difference. So I am in no way excusing what narcissists do. I'm all about just speaking the truth and yes, the truth is they do have complex post-traumatic stress disorder, that is the truth. But that is in no way an excuse for how they choose to treat people. But yeah, that's really it. That's why they did what they did to you and you may never get any closure from them. You may never get the answers that you were looking for from them but this is really what you need to know. It wasn't personal. They didn't even know you. They never even took the time to get to know you because they never really cared about you, everything they did to you. If it wasn't you, they would have done it to someone else and they probably already have in the past and they will probably do it again if they feel like something is working for them. They're going to repeat it. But yeah, having this awareness can really help us in future situations, recognizing that there are a lot of unhealed people walking around out there, people with unhealed traubers, people who are looking to take their problems out on you, people who mean you know well, people who are just looking to manipulate you and use you for their own needs. There's a lot of people like that out there and having this awareness can really help us and also by recognizing that it wasn't personal. It didn't have anything personally to do with us and knowing that can help us to stop blaming ourselves because I think that's what a lot of us do, especially as empaths. I remember every time that I dealt with a narcissist, I would always blame myself. I would always think that maybe I deserved it because I must have done something wrong or maybe there was something I didn't do that I should have done. And of course, they told me that as well. Narcissists always make us feel like we're not good enough because maybe they know that in our heads that's what we're telling ourselves. That's what we've been told our entire lives by narcissistic parents, narcissistic teachers, narcissistic friends, and they're just finishing the job. They're just carrying on where the other abusive people in our lives left off and we just have to put a stop to it. We have to start valuing ourselves, loving ourselves, recognizing our true worth because we are all valuable. We have value to give to the world, to bring to other people. Yeah, it's kind of ironic because what do narcissists have to bring to anyone? Other than misery and pain, manipulation and lies, that's no good for anyone but themselves. And actually, if you look at it, it's also self-destructive so it's not really good for anyone. And beating yourself up all the time is not good for you and it's not good for anyone else either. You need to be the best version of yourself and there's nothing selfish about that because when you pour into your own cup, you have more to pour into someone else. And that's why it's so important for you to value yourself, to love yourself, to recognize your strength but also to recognize your weaknesses as well because we're not perfect, we can always improve. We can always become better. I just wanted to share this message with you tonight. I hope it inspires you. I hope it motivates you.