 All right. So we're ready to go. So good evening and welcome to the fourth community conversation about race that the town is hosting and co-sponsorship with the Arlington Human Rights Commission. Tonight's conversation is about elevating suppressed voices. And so here we're holding a space for voices of color in Arlington to both identify and discuss experiences living and working in town and being a part of the community. Today's session is primarily about listening and connecting to the wider Arlington community through story and shared experience. This session will not have a Q&A as it is a space for listening and reflecting. And so we're going to go over some ground rules, which we typically do. I'm going to pass the mic to Alensa, who is going to do that. And then after that, we'll go into some introductions. Hello, everyone. My name is Alensa Michelle and I'm a consultant with the town of Arlington. I'd like to just first start off by thanking everyone for joining us today. I know that these are difficult conversations, but they're also very important conversations for us to move forward and build the kind of diverse and inclusive community that we all want. Just to start with some ground rules, I'm going to invite everyone to take breaths. The stories that you're about to hear are the actual stories from participants, and some of them are raw. So we want to be able to honor and respect that and to take some time to consider the fact that folks are putting themselves out there. So I'm going to invite us to take, to all take some deep breaths together and out and to remind ourselves to take deep breaths throughout the time that we're going to be on this journey together. I also want to invite everyone viewing to take a moment to think about a time when you were just in franchise or if you've ever felt undervalued because a lot of people have felt that and on account of their race or their background. And we all can relate to having experiences where we felt disenfranchised. And I want you to orient that yourselves to that idea as we engage in these experiences and practice some empathy. I also want to remind you that the session is being recorded until it will be posted on the town website and ACMI. And there'll be an opportunity to ask questions and address these questions in future formats. But for now, you want to just focus this time as a listening session and to really create space to listen to our guest panelists. And I'll pass it back to Jill. So we've got those ground rules and we're getting ourselves grounded. And so tonight I want to introduce the folks that we have with us. So, you know me by now I'm Jill, the Diversity, Equity, Inclusion Coordinator for the town. And Alessia Michelle is with us from Powerful Pathways. We also have Margaret Vidal-Thomas, who is the Met Co-Director for Arlington Public Schools. And we also have Heidi Bailey and Sifo Mengsu. I hope I pronounced that right. Let me know if I didn't. That's fine. And they are the owners of a local business reparations. Tonight we've also had a number of submissions, so I'm going to pass it over to Crystal, who's going to go over that type of thing. Hi everybody, I'm Crystal Haines from the Arlington Human Rights Commission and also the events working group lead. So if you want to help plan some events in town, I'm the place to go for that. I just wanted to let you know what the process was. We had asked people of color to submit stories of their experiences, either written on video form, and we received a wide range of responses. We'll be reading some of the written submissions and playing any video submissions. Some folks wanted to remain anonymous and we respect that. Others wanted us to use their names. We sent out a call of submissions on various social media platforms, the town's website, and sent it out to APS parents. We acknowledge that additional channels of communication are needed to reach our most underrepresented community members, and that is something that we're working on. We wanted to remind everyone watching again that every story is from that person's perspective and that perspective should really be respected. And in that frame we wanted to start with a specific submission that really helps sort of encapsulate the need for these types of conversations to be had here in Arlington. So based on community feedback, we framed a conversation into sub-questions. And first we wanted to get all of your reactions to that submission for you to spare with me. I'm going to pass it to Jill to read the question. Unmute would help. I should know this by now. So the first submission we got was from a concerned parent, and it reads, This letter is a response to the email sent to the Arlington school system regarding voices of people of color that go unheard or are being drowned out, et cetera. I have lived in Arlington all my life, married a woman of color and have two children currently attending two different schools in Arlington. My children currently have close friends that are African American, Hispanic, Chinese, Korean, Mexican, Indian, and Pakistani, as well as those of white European ancestry. I am not aware of any persons of color in Arlington who has been denied education, employment, or service at any store in Arlington. I asked both my children if race or politics have ever come up in any discussion with their friends, and they replied, Never. I appreciate the fact that racism obviously exists and we have to work to do nationally on this problem. But in Arlington, I'm hoping that this is not a discussion about teaching our children of color that the system does not allow them to succeed or work hard, and the system is rigged against them. Nor do I hope that this discussion is about teaching our remaining children that they should live with guilt and shame for historical racial inequality, and that this country is inherently bad. We have the most successfully integrated society in the world. This country is not perfect, but at least we are trying to improve. We are not living in the 60s. We are very different now. Racism should never be tolerated, but there is no country in the world that gives its citizens and immigrants the opportunity to be successful if they are willing to work hard. Let's make an effort to unite and not divide, focus on the positive. So let's take a little bit of time to hear the reaction from everyone. Have you experienced these types of sentiments before? I don't know. I don't know. That was a whole lot. I guess where I go is like, I guess where I would start is if your children are saying that they've never had conversations about race, then that's a problem. Because these conversations, I feel like, should be happening and they should be happening very, very young, and if they're not happening from a very young age and your kids aren't talking about it, it means that your children have already learned through osmosis, through just living in an area or in the entire Boston area. Not just Arlington specific, but just the entire Boston area, that these are conversations that are off limits and that they're not supposed to be had. And not only has your children learned that through osmosis, but all of the children from all of the different backgrounds that you just spoke about have also been given that message. And therein lies the problem because however integrated we are, we are still very much segregated and black people live in a very different America. It really makes me think about Kamal Bell and his show that he just had on where he said, you know, when he was a kid, he had to worry about being being arrested, whereas now as a black man, he has to worry about being killed. I think also what was troubling for me is some of these terms that I think people of color often hear, I can't be racist because I have a black friend or I can't be racist because my children play with brown kids. And I think that that is absolutely a statement of racism, if I can speak to that because you have to recognize you have to see color in order to address the historical inequity and harm that has been done in our society. And so by perpetuating willful ignorance, I think that we are not getting to the root of the problem, and we are not being truly forward facing in dealing with the fact that there are people in our community. Us included that have these instances that have met a person that says that they can't be racist and then deal with the microaggression at work or deal with the microaggression at the gas station or deal with the microaggression at the library. And I think that it's so dangerous to ignore these issues just by saying, Oh, well I let my kids play with some brown, some other brown kids so I can't be racist. Yeah, I was going to say I have to agree with Heidi and Crystal. And for me as an African, not African American like coming from South Africa, coming into America and like with my kids going to school with people who say we don't see color we have black friends we have. I came and I said I saw how different things where and that that's conversations you have to have with your kids. We are, you can't say you don't see you have to see color there's a problem if you say you don't see color. Then, you know, you gotta have your conversations with your kids and I think they they need to start as early as possible. I mean, I think I agree with everyone. I first of all, you mentioned microaggressions that as I meet with every day. The other thing is sometimes I think we have to define what we need by racism, right, because you have personal racism and then you have institutional racism. And so a definition that Beverly Daniel Tatum uses in her book, while all the black kids sitting in the cafeteria together is its race is power plus privilege. So when you have privilege, and that's on, you know, those are when doors just open for you automatically, whereas for some of us, you have to push doors open. So I think we have to start defining what does racism mean, what does implicit bias mean, what do we mean by institutional racism, based on what we're talking about, we're talking about policies, and we're talking about practices. And I think we need to stop being surface about our conversations and we need to start delving deeper into the conversations. I think that is a great way to open up this conversation. So what we're going to move into is this idea around what Arlington is and how welcoming it is. And so we'll get to some questions we did get a video submission around that so we're going to share that first where I'm a community member does speak to that. Brian came, I live in Arlington. And the topic I'd like to talk about is my experiences with immigrant coming to the United States five growing up in a family from South Korea, East Asia. And how combination of the way my parents expected me to be, which was someone who always thought of other people, for example, first, along with the way I was viewed by my school, my peers, my communities, my neighborhood, etc. So the combination of those things in the way I looked really made it hard for me to have a voice and really made it hard to realize who I was as an individual, and how to make myself heard without feeling shame, which is a big part of the station culture. And so, I guess, overall, I just like to talk about that, share my experience with the town so that they can get to know me better and give me a chance to share my voice and my experience. And what it's been like living in the United States as well as living in this town for the past 15 years. And yeah, thank you for your this opportunity and for this opportunity. Appreciate it. Great. And so we had that and we had a few other narratives that were submitted that did center around the idea of welcoming. And so Alessa is going to read one of them and then I'll be the next one and we'll get into some discussions and hear about your experiences too. All right, so this is from someone who chose to remain anonymous and is a concerned parent. And it says, this is a response. Sorry. The next one. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, folks, just to bear with me for a moment. Excuse me. In daily interactions at a store, I can never be sure how I would be treated kindly or coldly. When I place an order over the phone, and my order is delayed, I don't know if it is because I'm a person of color. Several years ago, one of the committees connected to Robin's library, either Larvin's library or foundations or another group was looking for people to join them. I had put my name down in contact information, but I never heard back. Was it because of a lack of follow through or because I'm a person of color. There is that often uncertainty. Another one that was submitted that the person asked to be anonymous was as an individual in the marginalized group, I didn't know choosing Arlington as a community to live in would have such a terrible choice and unwelcoming place to be even after residing here for so many years. Here in Arlington as a person of color, I've always felt unsafe, excluded, isolated, offended, I've been the victim of oppression, systemic racism, and racial attacks with threats and harassment, intimidation, racial name calling, bias, and more intimidation. I describe my experience as something happening across the board, and it's not an isolated one off incident as it's been felt everywhere in this town. It's like the air that I breathe from going to Town Hall to pay a bill to request information to when I do need to call APD in an emergency situation to being put in fear by white neighbors who have been harassing me for years as a result. I must live as a prisoner in my own home out of fear, out of fear getting hurt by my neighbors, and yet I feel that my concerns are dismissed and minimized. And though for me it's serious and sickening, as I live with fear of this neighbor day in and day out with no end in sight, and there's no justice because I'm a person of color. And one of the most recent racially motivated attacks I heard the neighbor say, if you don't like it and word, just leave. This is a white neighborhood and refer to white power and said this is America. I sadly realized that we've living black in Arlington is no different than living black in the deep south. Even after living here for many years I still feel unsafe and continue to have these sentiments of fear in this community as bias discrimination and threats racial profiling exclusion and unequal treatment have persisted and gotten worse. And it's not, and it's not a coincidence that systemic racism is now considered a public health crisis as I feel to my stomach every day, but I have to deal with it in this community, and this would. And at this time, would like to see real action not just words, and that fits enough. Let's do something and do something now. So again, that's some really intense experiences that this person has encountered day in and day out. I would like to discuss with you all. If you are able to resonate with any of these experiences or just share with us what your thoughts are around that and in your relation to Arlington, do you feel like you are welcome here. If you were born here if you moved here. And what it's like, what it's like for you. I work in the schools and I don't live in Arlington. Have I had some situations in the community. Yes, I think of one during the elections. We had had our professional development day so there was no, there wasn't any school for the lunch break my staff and I decided that we were going to walk down to not your average Joe's to have lunch. It was, for me, a time where I just started to feel uncomfortable, because just walking down the street we could tell that we were being looked at. We were being stared at, we get into not your average Joe's and we're waiting for the hostess to let us know, you know, how many does not say anything to us. We had another customer who happened to be a white man and you would have thought we were standing there. The white man, how can he be helped. One of my staff members was like, are we staying and I said, no, we then walk further down to common ground to have lunch and I remember all sitting there and just feeling very uncomfortable being in the town that day. Walking back was, you know, let's just say we walked very quickly back to school. I think I was very. I was at a point that day that I was appreciative that I could get in my car and drive back into the city where I live where I can see people like me and I needed that that day. Thank you. It's definitely, you're able to speak to that experience and feeling that discomfort. I'm sure is something that happens more frequently than people realize. Anyone else. I'm, I'm as you're saying that I'm like that's not a new thing. Right. I, I'm from Cambridge, originally. I had a lot of time in Arlington as a child. I went to the Arlington Boys and Girls Club. And I mean the incidents are too are too many to name just growing up with my family. I found it extremely curious that the majority of kids of color that were going to the Arlington Boys and Girls Club were not from Arlington. They were from West Medford. That's, there's something to be said in that. I also, I mean, again, there were there were many incidents like just us riding the bus like you knew when you were in Arlington from comments of like, what are you doing on this bus, like that happened quite frequently like why, why are you even here. There was not a freedom of movement once you once you crossed the line. There's definitely a different feeling between being in Cambridge and being in Arlington. But there's also a different feeling and being in Cambridge and then like going into Boston like I feel like that's like there's there's this unpeeling this feeling of, I understand, like, of being able to breathe a little bit easier, and in feeling safe, even in areas where people assume that you're that these aren't safe areas, you know, for me, they are safe. There is this idea of being in, I guess, with the last woman that was speaking like I that what you said I think a lot about the idea of how of like the similarities between being in the deep south and and being up here and and I guess what I think about is that like the like, it's not in your face like you have those instances of it being your face but then you're told what are you talking about like it's like, like, you're not believed that these situations happen because how could they happen because you're in the north but in reality, like, there was slavery up here too. And it's just the racism that happens up here is more insidious because it's so covert, and it's so undercover and I mean, again, it makes me think, Trevor Noah, like, and when they if you want to know what racism feels like in Boston, look up Trevor Noah, look up Wokey the Warris. That's, that's, that's like a way to see it and I guess be able to laugh a little like it makes it palatable. Yeah. And for me, funny, she mentions Trevor Noah. I'm from South Africa is Trevor Noah. So I don't know whether it makes it easier for me to deal with all I miss some of the things because South Africa I mean with the like Trevor says the better off like we had a parted. So I feel like when I say like I'm from South Africa, I don't know whether it makes it harder the way I'm treated or like, you know, or I just like I'm like, I've been through this I've seen this like and I just miss some of the things. So with me having no experience growing in America and like you know, I could say I deal with it better in a way like I see the fake smiles and like I get the little like stuff that you get but I think I'm able to deal with it or I just like dismiss it like that. I think also for me I experienced sort of two levels of privilege that can sometimes buffer that's experience of otherness for me. Certainly I can go into a store and if I have my hair tied up in a certain way and I look at some of my people like who's this? Does she live here? Do you live here? But I'm married into a very well known family here in Arlington and when I'm with them or when I'm in spaces that know that I'm married into this certain family it's a completely different experience. And if I am dressed like this walking in Arlington and people recognize me from television, I experience a different level of reaction from people. So it's interesting to me that within the span of like a week or even a day, depending on how early I get done with work, I can have three different types of experiences in town. And I think that that's the issue, right? Like we need every person needs to be able to walk into a town and feel welcome and not be looked at the other. But I think that that's certainly been my experience in Arlington. It's really helpful and that kind of helps us transition to the next set of questions and topic area. So we're going to transition into working in Arlington and for you all owning a business, what that is like and we do have, we got some submissions around, you know, treatment and businesses and how it feels. And so part of that will be discussing, you know, how you treat your customers, what your expectations are, what experiences you've had. And so this is going to read one submission we got, and then we'll jump into some questions. All righty. So one story that was submitted and honestly says some of the people I work with do not take what I say seriously, or they need to check with someone else before considering my input is valid, or they just ignore me. Such as just recently a group of us were trying to organize some documents by date. One person looked at a document and put it under the wrong gear. When I pointed it out twice, I was totally ignored. The third time I asked her to look at the document again. And she just said, oh, other times there somewhat argue would like to argue with me. How something ought to be done, even when the directions and instructions are clearly stated. When I realize I am right and they are surprised. Why the message I get is that they generally don't think I know what I am talking about. I know this happens to women in general, but it happens more often to women of color. The second story we got is also anonymous is there are also those who think that because I am a person of color, my English is not good or good enough or even strange when quotations. And when they make a mistake in what is said or written, and when they make a set of what is set of written, they point to my English so they don't have to admit their mistakes. One person I work with always likes to make the assumption without checking. And then she talks and makes decisions out of her unchecked assumptions. One time she did the same thing. And when I pointed out to her that she had the wrong information because she had made the wrong assumption. And she realized it was instead of admitting that what she did. She just said my way of understanding English is strange. Thanks for reading those Alensa. So those are reflective of some experiences that have happened in the workplace. And I know Heidi and CFO, you are in a situation in which you have created your workspace. And so I want to just ask you, you know, one, have you had those types of experiences in the past, but also for you in setting up your own business? How are you instituting changes so things like that may not happen? Or how are you, what are you thinking would be some best practices to alleviate that? There are so many best practices. I don't even think like, like I'm trying to scratch the surface and figure out like what would be the one or two. And I mean, first of all, we have to dismantle institutional racism. And we like that. I don't like where do we start with that? I mean, that's kind of where our store came from is this. That's where our store came from is out of a need of, of needing centers, needing spaces anywhere really that are black centered that are not white centered and also I think the best practices to understand is first starting with that understanding that almost every space you go into is a white centered space. Like unless unless you're unless you're going again to our side of town or our neighborhoods or our places that that because of red lining, which is another form of institutional racism, unless you go into spaces that are predominantly black, you are in a white centered space. And those of us who are black or of color are experiment experiencing these things all the time. Like all those things that you mentioned we, most of us have experienced at one point or time or another in spaces that are, that are not black centered. I think that that was a big reason why we, why we wanted a space like reparations to exist or felt like we needed a space like reparations to exist. Outside of writing Allington writing like in the white space in a white in a space that is white, like that is considered a white centered space and we are very clear and unapologetic about the fact that reparations when you walk in the door is a black centered space. And when no one's trying to hurt your feelings but your feelings may get hurt. Nobody's trying. Like, it's a space that is, it's a space for us to feel comfortable and I'm unapologetic about that. I think what you're saying is it's a space for affinity and someone to understand your walk when you, when we create spaces like that. And I know that students need spaces like that also an adult of color need spaces like that, because when you're when you meet with my or Russians on a daily basis, you do not want to continuously explain to someone the story you want somebody to understand when you say it. That the first thing they do they'll, you know, they'll give you that expression on their face like I totally understand, you know, how you felt. And I think also sometimes we need that validation. I think someone said that I constantly do it myself. I'm always feeling like I have to dot my eyes and cross my teeth. I feel like if I go into meetings, I want to make sure that I am sounding intelligent that I know what I'm talking about. And this is all in regards to, but like you said, the institutional racism that has been the foundation. And that when you're, you're an African Honduras, without a high school education. And so she raised daughters that have a master's degree, and to still feel as though you have to die and class T when you're in spaces with other people that speak volume. So if we feel that way, right as adults, what are the students feeling when they go into classrooms. So I think what you're saying, and this is, I'm all for it. What we all need affinity spaces. But I think, and I think, and I think, you know, Heidi, to your point, you all are sort of modeling the type of customer service experience that people of color would like, right. I know I can go in your store and not be followed. I know I can go in your store and find what I need in that space because you've been intentional about every type of person in the community that may walk into your space, right. And then I know you're going to look me in the eye and treat me with respect like, like any other person that comes into your store. So I think, I think your store model, it could serve as a model for other businesses in town. And treating everybody like they're human, regardless of who you are, or what you look like, what your skin looks like. And I also found it, like as far as business, like on that business end. I find it very interesting how people come into the store, like, like, like when when black people and people of color come into the store, it's a like, there's a store here that that caters to my needs. There's a store in there's actually a store in Arlington that caters to the needs of me and my community and my family. Whereas when white people come into our store, there is however much it's like, Yay, we're so proud of you and we want to support you there is. It's tainted. Like, that's the only word. Why did you guys choose? Why did you choose to be in Arlington? There's not a lot of black people in Arlington. Why would you choose to be here? Like with suspicion, it's tainted with suspicion. Why are you here instead of like, Wow, Arlington makes there there's there's this population, however small, like, Oh, and you're you're coming here to cater to this popular, of course we are isn't that a good business practice of nobody is catering to this population to have a store of many. It's one store in the entire town of 50,000 plus people. But why would you be here? Like, Because there's black people here. No, they like, yeah. So that's, I guess, just observation. I have a question for all of you and I'm hoping you all can chime in. I was actually just having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday. And he was saying how he feels like there has to be multiple versions of himself in order to navigate different spaces. So he's like, there's a home Elijah and then there's a work Elijah, and then there's other space Elijah. Have you ever felt like you've had to sort of wear these different sides or code switch. Can you talk a little bit about that. Just driving down 128, you know, so leaving my neighborhood and then driving and feeling like I need to change into a professional Margaret and leave the authentic the real world Margaret at home. Because now I'm going into a professional space. And I need to say, it's a lot of mental fatigue sometimes when you know that you have to be a certain way. You know, there are times that things that have happened, microgressions have happened to me that I've had to get in my car. Or I either will call my husband or my sister, because I know that in the car, I can let out that emotion and I need to let out because the other that's the other feature you have to be cautious about not letting that type of emotion be shown to certain people, because again, I don't want to be labeled right. She got offended by that. Oh, the angry black woman. So then it's either I'm going into my office and closing my door and doing it and I do need to say this, I do have some really close friends that I work with that I know that like in those are friendships that I had to build right at work that sometimes I can either go in their office and kind of be the Margaret that I need to be within that space, but that took a moment to do that because you have to build relationships that you trust that being vulnerable on somebody they're not going to use it against you. And I think that's where as people of color we have to be concerned about sometimes when we are, you know, when we're in a meeting and we're being passionate about something it's called anger not passion. Right. So there's different words that are used for us when we show different emotions and so yes, when I leave my home. You know, I'm, I have to change. I do do a lot of cold switching constantly. Other than that, you know, being the director of the program, or being my son's mother, you know, you always have to do that. When you're a person of color. I can't agree with you more. It's like there's there's the, there's the There's the me at home. There is the me that drops my daughter off at her at her school. And there's the me that then goes to work and all three of them are different and I would say that that's not just the race thing. Like it's not just me having to be safe. Like, like within just just based on my race but then also how I have to code switch based on like if I if I'm dropping my daughter off at her independent school, there's there's another class piece that also has to slide into that as well and it's exhausting and I for me personally it was in the last five years I've been making a conscious effort to not code switch after the first black lives matter movement happened was when that happened because what I realized is that I am not helping I am not I am not helping my child helping my grandchildren in any way if I continue to code switch it to make others feel comfortable. So I'm trying to find ways to be my authentic self everywhere I go, but this is after a lifetime of being trained, having it like of learn of a learned behavior in order to survive. So yeah, I'm just like, I may not be contributing as much because I'm coming from like outside and some of the things I I just like you know I don't code switch because maybe I don't know is in a situation that I would have needed to or like I don't and then I learn a lot sometimes from her I've been learning a lot the past four years, and she's been she's been like you know coaching me and like just showing me. So I miss some of the things because I've only I'm always myself I try to not be I don't want to be in that space where I have to like act like a different person that I'm not because people are going to treat me a certain way if I show up a. So yeah, I try to live my my my authentic and be in even in spaces when I'm expected to, but you're also allowed to to a certain extent because you're South African. You're you're you're you're a model minority. Yeah, which I miss and she is like, well, but I'm like they don't do it to me and she's like remember they don't treat you the same way as they treat like a black African and it's something that I don't realize until so she's been telling me she. Like how your children are going to be treated how your son is. Yeah, they are going to be raised. They are they are going to be African American accent isn't there the past they're there they won't get the past that I'm it scares me what you know what I have to learn and what's going to happen now that I'm in America and I'm raising my kids in America. Yeah. Yeah, I think I mentioned before about the three people that I present in town. I think for me I grew up. You know, I was it was my sister and I and I was raised by a single mother who struggled with mental illness and so code switching was absolutely not a choice it was. It was a matter of survival to get her through the mental health system that is broken in America to work at an early age and get a job and convince someone to pay me to to make. And then and then getting into different social programs to get to a scholarship to college and to get work through the financial aid process and then get a career where I speak on television and I have to look a certain way and I have to speak a certain way because otherwise the message that I present will not be received in the way that it is meant no matter how many folks at the station or at the place that I work at believe in what I'm saying. And so I think, you know, having to code switch definitely has a weathering effect I think being the model minority was while it was key to my survival as a kid. It's a way pieces of your blackness of your personal identity that then you have to reconcile as an adult and decide how to, if you want to and when to reclaim that blackness in a way that now allows you to still be the professional that people knew you to be. And so I think that the complexity of being a person of color being a black woman is one that is so difficult to wrap your arms around and especially if you don't have that lived experience to compare it to. And I do want to say that I want to 100% acknowledge in this that being biracial black and white. I have an amount of privilege and I am extremely aware of that because my daughter does not. Thank you. That's a lot and I do have, I guess a follow up question. I'm just circling back to, you know, reclaiming and I guess what are some ways that you know you Heidi you're, you're being yourself so how are you putting those reminders in for yourself to do that. Because it is it's difficult I do it every day I'm struggling, but I'm similarly trying to do that. I'm not having to coach which I'm curious as to if folks who are trying to stop that habit. What, what are some of the things that you are doing. I think there's an amount of sitting in the discomfort of speaking up when I know that of knowing when to let that I that I that I can speak up and that I am going to be heard. And acknowledging that in those moments like when I'm in predominantly white spaces and I am speaking, putting into that. Yes, I acknowledge my privilege and it and putting my I mean, one thing that really comes to mind for me, like as we're saying this as I was recently at a, not recently in December, I was at a conference for people of color and independent schools to giant conferences like 5000 people that like 7000 with this year but there's a lot of like for educators of color and independent schools, and really forcing myself to that conference like they have affinity with groups in those spaces and being and trying and acknowledging that I am that I pass in and and and how do I use that to to move things forward. And so what I had to confront for myself or where I'm at in my journey is is not is confronting the fact that that of the privilege that I get because of my skin color because I wash out significantly in the winter and I went to the white people affinity group and having conversations with white people as a as a white person, the way that I went into it as a white person with a black round. And what does that mean and and and and really trying to have those authentic conversations with the experiences that I've that I have that I I've had as as a person with the black round as a person that under that that and understanding again that my my child is not having the same life that I is not getting the passes is not getting in and that's what constantly goes through my mind when I'm trying to when I want to code switch like I code switch like I have to figure out a way to we have to start having these conversations and sit in our discomfort and and those of us who do have that privilege because I'm acknowledging that in a very real way not everybody does in the position that I'm in I I have to have difficult conversations every day. I think depending on the situation in a circumstance. Sometimes I have to process how should I go about and having the conversation. There are times that, you know, now my seventh year in Arlington I feel like I've established really good relationships that if something does happen I for certain people I feel like I can go to them personally and say can we have a conversation. I know your intention might have been it had an impact on me or if it's in regards to a student sometimes like I said, depending on the circumstance in the situation. I didn't think about who can I use my allies in Arlington to get some changes. And I can never ever say that I can't speak up. I think I do a calculation in my head, depending on the, you know, the venue that I'm in. So if it's a venue that I feel really like, you know what I can say what I need to say here, I'm going to say it if it's a venue that I'm like, you know what I'm not sure. However, I know that I have two allies sitting at the table, then I need to talk to them about, you know, I need you to say this I need to be the one to speak up, because sometimes it always is us right and sometimes this is where we have to push our white allies and say, No, I need you to use your privilege. I do need you to use your power in order to get some things changed for me. And so that for me is every single day. I think I've learned how to be a mathematician though, which which strategy I need to use, right, in order to get things done, and to get things changed. Thank you all for sharing all of that. That's really, it's able to see what you're doing in your own lives and how you're, what your perspectives are on that. And so we're going to so we've talked about, you know, kids and that things are different for different families different parents and so we're going to go into some of the testimonials that we got from students so we did get a large number we are looking at the time right now we have about a half an hour left. And so we're going to discuss some action steps after we talk about schools. But I want to know that, you know, these conversations are going to continue and opportunities for sharing are going to continue. Sorry. So I'm going to go ahead and read one of the testimony that we got from a student who wants to remain anonymous. The student says, I want everyone to know that just because we live in a liberal town doesn't mean that there's not racism and discrimination happening right in front of us. Whether it's having to see the n word written in school or explaining to teachers and students that no I'm not in the medical program. I actually live in Arlington. It's all around us. And just because you don't see your experience it doesn't mean it's not happening. My senior year of high school at Arlington High. I've been in the Arlington public school system since kindergarten. This past school year junior year was the first year when going on a field trip. I wasn't asked if the cost would be an issue or if I needed help paying for it. Well it seems like the teachers were just being nice. I want to point out that none of my white classmates were asked if the cost would be an issue for them. I think it shows the implicit bias that teachers have about black students like just because I'm black doesn't mean that I can't pay a $30 charge for a field trip to the Museum of Science. And so that was one narrative we got we did get a number from students and parents and then Crystal's going to share a piece that she had with an alum. Yeah I interviewed him because he preferred it that way so pardon me if I look a little rough in it. The town was welcoming, especially in Albuquerque sports and it just felt like I was a spy monitor and I was the one with it. But recently I kind of like so I worked from like home deliveries because of COVID and we're trying to reach elderly and trying to help them out so they don't need the house. And I've like volunteered for some deliveries and we've been going to Allington and I was like welcome to Allington. It was more about the people that were out that I was around and they kind of included me and we were a family but I'm not from Albuquerque. This isn't who I am. I was just I was a spy ponder at that time when I developed I made friends. But it's kind of that's what it came down to. Just sort of a handful of people that made your experience. Well, how would you describe it as a positive one or? In that sense at that time, yes, for sure. You know just the way I grew up in the neighborhood you just everybody goes everybody, everybody's there. In Allington, you kind of like put a friend of vice into their house at the schools. Oh my God, he's actually my friend. It makes a difference. Be here for some of the kids, especially kids of color, black kids, Latinx kids in Allington that that stuff that they are. There were medical students or not. Did you ever have any negative experience? Absolutely. It was always a feeling and a lot of times it was certain teachers that made the kid that got dropped off was at a certain time. And it was really, it's tough. I tried not to have a question as a child. There were certain things that I couldn't explain at the time that I look back now. I'm like, I can't be mad at myself for feeling a certain way of feeling different. That's how I was living and that's how it came through. What do you think that districts like Allington can do to be better, to be more welcoming to kids of color from town? I would say that I would have liked to take part in certain things in the community. The parts of Allington that I know or things that I knew with my friends or sports, but I didn't really know the community. So I would have liked to be a town day. It was like a mecca portion to celebrate mecca. You know something that will make me feel like, well, I am from Allington, but I'm part of this community. So yeah, so I think those were two very different experiences. I happen to know top is he's a friend of my husband's and he used to say I'm from Allington when he was going to school. That's what he used to say to people. So he had such a positive experience there. And he told me as an adult he those things change as he puts it into perspective if he hadn't had a few key people. And then I think about if he had walked into reparations after school, if he would have felt more connected or, you know, had his at the time the Mecca director was great for him. And that created a positive experience. So as we talk about the experiences in school and our kids, I mean, how do how do we think we can do better? We have to believe what students say when they say they experience whether that's the end, you know, micro questions in the classroom and the hallway in the community. I think, you know, sometimes we, we don't validate, right. We don't validate their voices. You know, as we're having this form is like what elevating right suppress voices. I think it's the same for the students. I think students do say things and it's either brush aside. I know that my students at the high school, you know, I like to call them family meetings that we have. And those are the times that they can be themselves and just tell me what is actually going on. And that's when I really hear some things that they're experiencing. And then they choose sometimes whether or not they want to say something to me because I can get into action mode. And so I've had to learn how to say to them, how do you want to handle this because I had to understand that they have to go back into that classroom. Right. I don't go back in with them. So if they tell me I got it. This is what I'm doing. I tell them great. And they always know that they can check in with me. I feel like my students have me on speed dial. So they'll text me in a minute, like, are you in the building? I need to talk. So I think sometimes as long as students know that they have, if they know that they have one connection in the building, it doesn't necessarily always have to be that person of color. If they know that they have that one person that will hear them, will listen and will help them through that. I think that's where we need to start when we talk about how can we make it different for students. And I really believe that we have to believe what they're saying and not minimize the story. I think as adults sometimes we minimize what students say as their experience. I can absolutely relate to that. You know, for years I worked as a MECCO student tutor and mentor. And largely a lot of the stories that I heard from students is what eventually led me to go into racial equity consulting. And we got a lot of submissions from students who were or parents of students who are in a MECCO program or students. And one thing that I often heard when I worked as a student tutor and mentor is that a lot of students felt that they were being misperceived by teachers, by their faculty, by the administration. And there was a lot of assumptions that were placed on them that because they came from other communities that somehow they were less intelligent or they were inept or somehow sort of more wild or violent. And so people treated them that way, even if they didn't actually say it, students were still picking up on that. So my question to all of you are, if there were perceptions that you would like to see changed about people of color, what message would you share to white allies? Assuming that everyone in the town, this is a progressive town, we all want the right things, but there are also a lot of assumptions and things that we absorb over time. So what are some facades that you'd like to break about perceptions about people of color? Because I work with a population that lives in the Boston area that I need people to understand that we do own houses here, that we do have professional families, whether they own their own business. We do have families that have graduated from college, that have not only college degrees, but they have masters, I have some parents that have doctorate degrees. I think sometimes it's like, you know, for my population, I want to be like, are you willing to venture into their neighborhoods and see where they live? Because maybe then that will help for you to dismiss the stereotype that you might have about them, and you might use them in a different way. And I'm sorry that that has to be done in order for you to get the understanding. I always feel like stereotypes implicit bias is like having missing pieces of puzzles, and that we need to now have those puzzle pieces to make the picture really what it is. And not, as you said, go on the assumptions. You know, the students in my program, they're intelligent. They, you know, we have students that have creativity in various different ways. And we also need to celebrate that also. And I think that's the other thing I want to say. I think, you know, when I have conversations with students, it's like, I feel like I'm giving them affirmations, even though they don't know it's affirmations, right? Because it feels like you have to continuously put those opposites back into them, because of where, you know, that they're in these classrooms or in the hallways, just experiencing different things. So for me, as I live here in Boston, maybe it's let's take a field trip. Maybe it's for you to get up at five o'clock in the morning and see how it does feel for them to get on a bus and come to your neighborhood. But sometimes you have to walk in somebody's shoes in order to understand their story. Yeah. Yes, 100%. I guess for me, like, it's a little controversial, but Meco in itself for me is a problem. It's problematic. I feel like when they created the Meco program, they should have done it differently. They should have instead of busing children out of our community, our best and our brightest out of our community and putting them into communities where they're treated as less than we should have done it the opposite. And we should have bused white kids in and we need to have a creating, how about creating schools that are that help that where that that they don't need to be bused out. How about that? So, that being said, I also feel like an assumption is that trauma can be seen as anger that that that a lot of times, you know, what when when you when when as a white person if you're assuming somebody's angry, understand that that's that's trauma that that you're seeing. So, I guess those are those are the two things I just, I know too many people who were with some of the first medco kids that were bused out. And it destroyed communities. Like, like you said, in these in in these predominantly black communities, there are doctors, there are lawyers, there are dentists, there are homeowners, there are, there are. These are communities and met co bust the best in the brightest out. And when they, and when these kids go into communities like Arlington, you do what you do to survive. And that's the best for our children. That's the best that we can get, but we shouldn't have to bust out, because what happens is these kids don't come back. Because for their entire lives, they're told that what will their their educational lives, they're told that their communities aren't good enough. I think also what, oh, sorry, sorry, Margaret, I think now also to speak to the young lady, or I apologize, I'm not sure what what gender she identity, she or he identified that, but the person, the young person that was in Arlington, who was told was mistaken for a metco student. And that was considered a pejorative like that was that that they were considered a metco student because they were being treated a certain way. So, so now they've associated being black with metco and metco with something bad. And so I think what what keeps running in my mind is the last thing that Octavio said was like, how come met metco kids are, you know, invited to town day. Why aren't they invited into the community as a whole. And so I think about solutions like that, like making the invisible visible. And like Heidi said, reckoning with if that's uncomfortable of what that feels like, because I think that that's how you sort of dismantle. And I think in terms of perception, I mean, I think the, the perception that I that I have come across the most is that I am not from here. The assumption is that I'm not from here, that I must have been priced out of Cambridge to live here, or and then that in that, because I'm a transplant, I like black people can't be from. We must have been busted, or we live in the project. I live in East Arlington, we're near one of the housing development. So it must be like that person must be from the project. So I think that these are all perceptions like that that needs to be broken down in town, and also the response to those perceptions because you can run the gamut from like a patronizing. Oh, what was you, you must be oppressed to to outright racism. And so I think we have to be forward facing as well. Hey, I think what I wanted to say about in regards to the medical program, we have to remember it started out of blessing. And it is a racial imbalance act right and that there were some parents and blast in that they were looking for a better education for their children. And I think for and so I don't. I don't call the students in the medical program medical students, I call them Arlington public school students who are participating in a program, because that's how that's how they need to be viewed. They are Arlington public school students. Right. And, and there are some benefits. Let's be clear that Arlington is getting from having these students come into their community. This and I hear what you're saying this is not just one way they are they are experiencing some risk diversity when these students come in to their community and bring their culture and their language that I think everybody needs to be able to I mean if we look at the statistics right now, the majority is not white, right? The majority is looking very colorful. And so we have to learn how to walk in that world. So I know that if I have former students that they are proud to have been part of a medical program because of what they experienced they got. And I do have some students that the program did not work for them, right? So the problem did not work for everybody. I think sometimes we have to remember what the history was in regards to the medical program and why it was created and why it still exists. Great. Thank you. And I think that helps us shift to kind of one of the final questions around, you know, where do we go from here. So we share these experiences, we've seen these things that are happening in town. And we want to know how can we do better. And some of the testimonies, you know, there was comments around there needs to be more diversity in town government, you know, implicit bias is real, it is harmful. So how do we take these things and move forward and set up some action steps for us? And I know Alessa can speak to that a little bit, but we'd love to hear from folks. The rules of engagement have to change. I think that the first step to any real changes, there has to be a common language, which means we actually have to be talking about it. So everybody knows what the terms are, whether it's model minority implicit bias, explicit bias racism, like we have to have a we have to actually, you have to start naming it, and having a common understanding of what these terms actually mean. I think that that's that's a first step across the board or else people are like, well, you know, what is racism really mean? Is it really, you know, like we so that that is a first step in and towards dismantling it. There has to be more conversation. I also think spaces have to be made for for specifically for black women, because we are the most marginalized, and there has to and that has to be acknowledged. Those would be my and that's why we opened like our store we hoping we can have those conversations and reparations, people can come in and we can discuss all of the difficult conversations people kind of race culture, you know, class classes isn't is another one that need like these are conversations that need to that we that we have to start having, we have to acknowledge that has been acknowledged that we have a problem. I think I think we're in a time where white folks are sort of listening a little bit more they're leaning in a little bit more and sometimes I can feel like the local Olympics, and we are at black people being recruited as coaches. And so I think we have to sort of, I think we should also be sort of thoughtful about our own biases as black people to black people are not a monolith and that's not what we're trying to do today. But also think about how we experience racism, how other people of color experience racism, and then I think we have to, I think white people who are watching this should also be very introspective on if they're competing in the local Olympics, because they are having an awakening, a true awakening, or are they doing it for show. And what effect and what damage that does to the communities of color that need you to be an accomplice, and not a social media hashtag. And so I think that's what I experienced the most. I'm in the space where where I get a lot of homework from from my white friends. And so I want to invite folks to do their own studying first. So, and so I think, I think where we go from here is for, for everyone to just be a little bit more introspective about how am I biased, how do I experience racism, how do I perpetuate racism. Because I think that that even the most woke, or even the most non racist plain in person, does contribute to a system of systemic racism. And I think we have to be thoughtful about what kind of colleague in the machine we are. And I think what you're saying don't need rescuers. Don't need people to think that they need to rescue us. I mean, people that can sit at a table, because you have influence that you can get some policies and practices changed. So that to the community is that you want to know how you can help, you can help by using your power, your influence and your privilege to start getting some things changed. And I always say to people, do you want me to have a piece of your pie, or is it that you're going to still cut it for me into coming that this is all you want me to have. And so I'm going to go back to the definition I said about racism that Beverly Daniels talks about is power plus privilege. So you have power and privilege that go along with that. So that's what I would say. So as you're in spaces and be aware of the voices you're not hearing in the room. And if you're not hearing those voices, you be the one don't tell me to come to the meeting, you be the one to say something don't wait for me to walk in the room. And you be the one to say, you know what, we need to do something. And the other thing I'm looking for I'm looking for white people to push white people. Because it's always us trying to push the white people I am now looking for my allies to push their white friends and their people that they know in those spaces. And as you say that it makes me think of there's a woman named Bettina love Dr Bettina love Dr love and what she says is, I don't need allies. I need co conspirators. I need you to be an abolitionist. And that's, that's what I'm hearing like I don't need, I don't need you to cut it for me. I need you to be right there with me. I need you to be there even when I'm not I need you to take ownership of it as your own. I would just one, I would agree with everything that was shared, and I would would say two particular things I think the first step really is about building one's own individual awareness. To Crystal's point, you know, the, the communities of color have their own work to do in dealing with each other. But that is only exacerbated and further suppressed through systems of racism and white supremacy. And I think we have a lot of work to do, especially if you are someone who likes to think of yourself as a white ally and assuming the best of intentions. And that means everyone needs to make an effort to go out and educate themselves. You have to be willing to, as Ibra Max Kendi describes in his book, how to be an anti racist, you can't just say you're not a racist, you have to be an anti racist, which means you're actively pursuing education and supporting communities of color to achieve real equality. I think there's a lot of misconceptions around equality and equity. I think people need to educate themselves about the difference between those two terms, because if we're not an equal footing, then we can never achieve equality and that's really where equity comes in. It gets us to the place where we can finally be at the same level. So, equity takes us to a place where we assume, where we recognize that not everybody has been given the same amount of opportunities. And there's a whole history to that, right? We talked in our previous session around race and housing that while there were not any red lines around Arlington that doesn't necessarily mean Arlington wasn't red line. That meant that people of color were intentionally kept out of the town, which has then led to the trickle effect is we're now dealing with a lot of people who are uncomfortable when they see people of color. They don't know how to react. They don't know how to handle it. And for those who are uncomfortable, you need to challenge yourselves to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You need to ask more questions. You need to step out of your comfort zones. And that's not necessarily saying that you have to make any sort of wild big leaps, right? You know, if you've never been to Roxbury, you don't have to say, my first exposure to people of color is I'm going to go to Roxbury. But maybe your first exposure is to talk to your neighbor and to have a conversation with your neighbor and learn some tools. Ask more questions. Am I fully understanding that? Assume that you need to continue to learn more because we all could continue to learn more. And as you go through that process, make sure that you're also asking how can I be a better ally? Challenge your relatives. We all have that uncle at the dinner table who says something offensive. Be willing and have the courage to challenge those statements, to push back on those conversations, to challenge yourself when you think about those things. When you react to someone out of fear, as opposed to recognizing that you just don't understand them or you don't know where they're coming from, challenge yourself to think about that. Because at the end of the day, we are all individuals who are part of a broader network. We have thoughts and ideas that are absorbed and passed on to us that we then spread between our social networks, which then infiltrate the institutions that we're a part of. And then that ideology then continues to be perpetuated. It's a concept that is often referred to as the four eyes, ideological, institutional, interpersonal, individual. But it's a cyclical process. And so we have to recognize that we're all a part of it. We're all in these systems, so we can't get away from that. And especially to our white counterparts, you have to recognize that one that you have absorbed privilege, even if you came from a bootstrap background, just by the sheer skin tone, you have privilege. There are things that you get to walk through in life that people of color just don't get to. And you have to be willing to empathize and try to do your part and creating equality, even in the smallest ways. And I think that's really the first step is the process of building your awareness and then applying that to action through policy, through activities, through holding people accountable in different institutions and spaces. Because systems would not, systemic racism would not exist if there weren't people upholding that system. So we have to recognize, first you have to recognize that it does exist, recognize your own part in it, and then take efforts and be active in your communities to address it. That was great. I've got my homework to do. I think we all do. This was really wonderful and I'm glad that we were able to come together to have a discussion. And now we've got our action items, we're going to go out there, self reflect and self educate. I want to thank everyone for joining us tonight. Again, this session was one, it was the first, we're going to be continuing these types of conversations. I know with this community conversation series, we're testing out this virtual space right now and we'll be staying in it, but moving forward, we're going to be working on ways to be able to have more engagement and more conversation. It just as a reminder, this is being recorded so you can go back and watch it. It will be posted for the submissions that we did receive. Thank you, community members for submitting those. I do believe that personal in the events group for the Human Rights Commission will be continuing to take submissions because they're looking to build off of that as well. I know the schools are going to be doing something similar so look out for that. I know this should be coming soon. So we're entering the space where we're looking to have more of these difficult conversations because they need to be had. So again, I want to thank everyone. If anyone has anything else I need to add. Feel free to. I think we might close it out for the night. All right. Well, thank you everyone. Thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you. And I thank you. Bye.