 The Kraft Foods Company presents Wellard Waterman as the Great Gildersleeve. The Great Gildersleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold than the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salads better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip. Well, there are times when you want to stop and talk to your neighbors and there are times when you don't. It all depends on the mood you're in. As usual, the Great Gildersleeve feels like talking as he ambles home from the office. Unfortunately, the only neighbor available is Rumson Bullard. That Bullard, what an unsociable fellow. He saw me coming down the street. He didn't have to turn his back and start digging in his flower bed. Right, George, just for the heck of it. I'll make him talk. Hello, Mr. Bullard. Mr. Bullard, I said hello. Oh, how are you, Gildersleeve? That's right. Hello. I see you're working in your flower bed. You do? What are you planning in there this year? Petunias? No. Snatchbacking? No. Well, whatever you're planning, it won't be long now before the little green shoots will be coming up. There'll be buds on the trees. I saw a robin today. Well, bully for you. See, I noticed some ladders beside your driveway. What are you planning to do with those? Gildersleeve, what do you usually do with ladders? Climb them. Does that answer your question? Oh, yes. Well, sorry, I can't stay and talk with you, but I have to go home. Goodbye. Oh, my goodness. Goodbye. What a clam. Even Kefaber couldn't get anything out of that board. Marjorie. Hello, Marjorie. What are you doing, my dear? Configuring. You? Uh-huh, Bronco, and I need $2,000 to finish our house. $2,000? Uh-huh. It's costing more than we thought, and the bank isn't at all encouraging about increasing our loan. That's too bad. Till we get the money, we can't even put on the roof. Bronco would have to be out of town at a time like this. No, Marjorie. Why didn't you come to me? Oh, I didn't want to bother you, Anki. If Bronco were here, he'd know exactly what to do. Well, he isn't the only one around here who knows what to do when a problem comes up. Hi, what's going on? Hello, Leroy. I was helping you work things out along before he showed up. Before who showed up? Oh, I know, Anki, but it's his responsibility. That may be, but he isn't here. Who isn't here? Just a minute, Leroy. Gosh, a guy can't get any answers around here. Anki, you don't have $2,000, do you? I know the answer to that. Well, I may not have it, but I'll bet I could get it. Oh, could you, Anki? Where? Leroy, this doesn't concern you. Who doesn't concern? Oh, Leroy, we were talking about Bronco. You mean I started borrowing $2,000 from Bronco? No, Leroy, now run along. Okay, I got a couple of bucks laying around. Nobody's going to get it from me now. That boy. Anki, I would appreciate it if you'd try to get the money for it. What do you mean, try? I'll get it. Oh, you're wonderful, Anki. Yeah, I'm not so wonderful. Well, I guess I am at that. Anjuri and Bronco would never get that house about my help. You're lucky for them to have me to depend on. I think I'll stop him and see Judge Hooker. He might get the money from one of his clients. He knows a lot of influential people, investors. Hello, Judge. Well, good morning, Gelder. Come on in. Thank you. What brings you into my office? Are you suing or being sued? No, just doing Marjorie and Bronco a favor, Judge. You mean you've decided to stop interfering in their affairs? You're right, Judge. They need my interference and you know it. Only judging, Gelder. I hope they don't have a serious problem. Well, they need a little money. Oh? Their house is costing them a little more than they figured, and the bank isn't too encouraging. So I thought you might have some clients with investment capital. Well, most of them are investing their capital on March 15. Big judge, there must be somebody left with money after March 15. Well, I have one client who made a fortune raising Chinchillas. Chinchillas, prefer coats, huh? He started in a modest way and within a short time, he had large sums to invest. Gildy, do you realize Chinchillas cost $1,500 a pair? Say, let's not borrow the money, let's borrow a pair of Chinchillas. Unfortunately, he isn't in town. Now, let's see. The only other client that I know of who might make the loan is your neighbor. Rumson Board? Thinking back, he was in only a short time ago to inquire if I knew where he might place a few thousand to a damage. He never lent me the money. He wouldn't lend it to you, but he might do a deserving couple like Marjorie and Bronco. I can never ask a favor of him. He won't even tell me what a ladder is for. It's the client. I know that, young woman. You whatever made me think I'd get help from an old goat. Art, come home yet? No. Well, I can hardly wait. Hardly wait for what? Why, to find out how soon we're going to get the money to finish the house. Oh, yeah, he was going to dig up alone, wasn't he? Uh-huh. Isn't that you wonderful, Leroy? He didn't have to do this for Bronco and me, but when he saw how we needed help to finish our house, he volunteered to go out and get us $2,000. Gosh, if that's all you have to do to get $2,000, I think I'll rule the house. Oh, Leroy. Well, I have to check the twins. Let me know when Auntie comes home. Okay. Hey, it's 5.30. He ought to be home by now. I think I'll walk down the street and meet him. Thank you for your... That's why I'm sitting on the porch. Can you get the money? Well, Leroy, I exhausted every possibility. There's only one person left to go to, and that's Mr. Bullard. What's wrong with his money? Leroy, you know how things are between Mr. Bullard and me. I can't go to him on vended knees. Why not? He'd like that. I'll never ask a favor of Bush. You're going to let Margin Bronco down, huh? Yeah. She was just saying what a wonderful uncle you were. She was? Yeah. You know how it is. We kids have always thought you could do anything. Please, Leroy. I don't care. I won't say any more about it. Maybe it's our fault. Maybe we just expect too much of you. Leroy, I haven't given up. Well, Mr. Bullard's home right now, but he won't be there long. Who? He said the smell of fresh paint is making him sick. He's moving into a hotel. So that's why he has the letters. He's redecorating. Yeah. He sends absinthe mother out of town until it's done. He's all alone, uncle. Now's a good time to ask him for the money. Well, as much as I'd like to help Margin, I can't bring Margin. Say, if I do Bullard a favor, he might do me a favor. The only favor he's ever wanted you to do for him is move. Well, Leroy, I was considering a very neighborly gesture. Why should Mr. Bullard check into a hotel while they're painting his house? Why doesn't he come over here and stay with us? Are you kidding? No, I'm not. When you think about it, it's a very nice thing for me to do. I'll say. Then if he wants to do something nice for me, I won't carry a grudge. I'll accept his money. What a character. You stay here, Leroy. Okay. Good luck, uncle. Thank you, my boy. Here, there, Mr. Bullard now. Coming out in the porch. Right, George. I will let Margin Bronco down. You-ho! Mr. Bullard! What? Mr. Bullard, I have good news for you. It won't be necessary for you to move into a hotel. It won't? No, indeed. Thing for you to do is pack a bag and move over to my house. Okay, Gildersleeve. I stepped out of the house to get away from the paint fumes. I'm a little woozy. I didn't really hear you invite me over to your house, did I? You certainly did. I'd be happy to have you under the circumstances, dain't at all. Thank you, Gildersleeve. You'll come? No. I wouldn't think of inconveniencing you. No inconvenience. You don't want to go to a hotel. I do. Mr. Bullard, please reconsider. Come over to my house. Thanks again, Gildersleeve, but I really... Bullard, you have to come. Oh, why? Well... Gildersleeve, in the years we've lived across the street from each other, we've never been, shall we say, close? True. We haven't. To be brutally frank, we have very little in common. Yes, but... You must have some reason for inviting me over. What is it? Well, I just want to show you what kind of a neighbor I am. I know what kind of a neighbor you are. You'll come anyway. Yeah, I mean... Gildersleeve, you already have a house full. Marjorie Bronco, the twin, is Leroy and yourself. Where would I sleep? In the cold bin? You don't know. You could sleep in the den. The den? Gildersleeve, I'm not a bear. Good day. You wait a minute. Mr. Bullard, where are you going? I'm going back inside with the paint fumes. What a difficult man to borrow money from. See, you can't give up. You've got to see that Marjorie and Bronco finished their house. See, I wonder if Peevie has a little money in his sock. Hello, Peevie. Hey, how are making Gildersleeve? What can I do for you this evening? Peevie, you've been plugging along in this drug store for years. Yes. You must have quite a little money you can put your hands on. Okay. Liquid assets, Peevie. Well, you might say I have some liquid assets. If I'm not too personal, where do you keep your money, Peevie? Well, mostly in bottles. In bottles? Here on the shelves. Oh, my goodness. Peevie, you must have some money besides what you have invested here in the drug store. I happen to know of a good risk. Mr. Gildersleeve, if it's risky, how can it be good? Well, this one is. I'll guarantee the payments myself. How about it, Peevie? It's very important. Well, all I can do is make an appointment for you with my banker. Fine. Who's your banker? Mrs. Peevie. You can borrow any money from her. You're welcome to it. I see. Well, I was just trying to make a loan for Marjorie and Bronco to finish their house. Did they try to bank? No, not Peevie. I even went to Bullard. Robinson Bullard? Yeah, I even invited him to stay at my house while his is being painted. Fresh paint makes him ill, Peevie. But he preferred the paint to you. He's going to a hotel. Lucky you. What's this? I bet he'd have you jumping, waiting on him hand and foot. I hadn't thought of that. I doubt if even Birdie could please him. Birdie's a great cook, Peevie. It's all right, but Mr. Bullard came in here once for lunch. Just once. Oh? He ordered a four-minute egg, and I boiled it exactly four minutes. He tasted it, said my clock was slow and stamped out. He did? To this day, he owes me for one egg. Right, George, Peevie. I'm glad he refused to come to my house. I had a very narrow squeak. I'm here to tell you. Well, it's guilty, Peevie. There you are. Hello, Mr. Bullard. Peevie. Mr. Bullard. The guilty slave I've been looking for you. There's a convention in town, and the hotels are filled. Too bad. So, as much as I dislike imposing on a neighbor, I've decided to take you up on your kind invitation. My, my. Mr. Bullard, this morning you sounded as if you weren't interested in staying at my home. Oh, well, I may have been irritable because of that compounded paint, but I feel better now. I don't. I'll have my bags on the front porch. When you go home tonight, you can carry them across the street. Who? Me? And, by the way, for breakfast in the morning, I like a four-minute aide. You better wind your clock. I, uh, I thought you'd like to warn Bertie, guilty slave. I have to go to a meeting now, so I'll see you later. Don't go to any trouble for me. Yeah, no. Good night. Peevie, what do you think of that? For Mr. Guilty Slave, there's an old saying, never feather-porcupine. Looks like you're stuck. Yes, yes. The Great Guilty Slave will be back in just a minute. How's your imagination tonight? Well, try it. Just imagine a shimmering lime gelatin mold filled with luscious bits of peaches, pears, pineapple, and cherries, and nestled on a bed of ice-fresh lettuce. Mmm, that's a salad masterpiece. But it's not quite complete. You need salad dressing, too. But it's not. You need salad dressing, too. But what kind? The one you choose has to have just the right flavor, a flavor that'll bring out the very best in your salad. So choose the salad dressing with the flavor millions of folks call just exactly right. Choose Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip salad dressing has a wonderful, lively, teasing flavor, a different flavor you won't find in any other salad dressing because Miracle Whip is made from a recipe known only to craft. It's a recipe that combines the qualities of old-fashioned boiled dressing and fine mayonnaise to give you the best of both. So many people like Miracle Whip so much, it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created, outselling the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Enjoy delicious, satiny Miracle Whip on your salads. Now, during Lent, chances are salads are a more important part of your menu than ever so make sure they taste their best. Make them with Miracle Whip. But remember, there's only one Miracle Whip salad dressing. So be sure you see the name on the jar you buy. Miracle Whip made by Craft. Well, Mr. Bullard is having his house redecorated, so the great Gilda Sleeve invited him to be his guest for a few days. Mr. Bullard hasn't arrived yet, but already the water commissioner is having his regrets. What a neighbor. Frankly, ordering me to lug his suitcases across the street. Who do you think I am? Bell Boy? It's me, Bertie. Hey, boy, suitcases and wearing three hats. Hello, children. What are you doing with all those suitcases? Mr. Bullard is going to be with us for a while. Mr. Bullard? No, Leroy, just a few days. Uncle Mark, what's this all about? You ask, Margie. Forget it. Bertie, I didn't know it myself until a few minutes ago. I get it. He's going to let you have the door for the house, huh? Leroy. Uncle Mark, did you invite Mr. Bullard over here because he's giving you the money to finish our house? Certainly not. Well, thank goodness. I wouldn't ask him for the money until he's been here a while. You know, I mean... That's a neat plan, aren't you? Why, it's a terrible thing to do. No, Margie, I'd given up the idea. But he insisted I'm coming. As the judge told me, Bullard has money he wants to lend. Uncle Mark, Bronco will be furious. He won't if you get the money. Where's Mr. Bullard going to stay? Well, I thought we'd put him in the den. Come on, Leroy, help me with this stuff. Okay, I'll wear the hat. Well, now that you've invited him, there's nothing else to do but try and make him comfortable. Something tells Bertie he's a pretty hard man to make comfortable. Now, Bertie, we'll manage. The hotels are full, so I invited him over. Oh, Aunt, while he's staying here, he'll speak to you, won't he? Naturally, Leroy. I don't know why everybody's making a big thing out of this. True, Bullard and I have never been the best of friends. But he's a gentleman. He'll accept our hospitality and the spirit in which it's given. I'll get it. Yeah, that must be Bullard. Everybody on his toes. Good evening, Bertie. Even Mr. Bullard, we've been expecting you. Well, Mr. Bullard, you're coming in. You're welcome. Oh, thank you. Hello, Leroy. Hi. Hello, Mr. Bullard. Marjorie, it's nice of you people to provide shelter for this poor unfortunate nomad who would be walking the streets if it were not for your thoughtfulness. Oh, brother. Well, we hope you'll be comfortable, Mr. Bullard. We sure do. Uh, you come in here, Mr. Bullard. I'll show you where you're going to stay. The den. Oh, yes, the den. Yeah, I put your bags over there and you sleep here. Here? On the couch. Splendid. It pulls out? It is out. So, where do I put my head? Up at this end. Then where will I put my feet? Well, I suppose something will have to hang over. Maybe you can sleep like a jackknife. Very good, Leroy. I often sleep that way. You do? Uncle, you slept down here. Why don't you give Mr. Bullard your room? Gotta think of these things, Uncle. Uh, may I see your room, you'll see. Yes, yes, indeed. I was about to suggest that. What I go through for the little family. I'll be late to the office if you don't eat breakfast soon. Well, Leroy, Mr. Bullard's my guest. I have to wait for him to come down. He sure has caused me a lot of trouble, Uncle. Taking your room last night, making you go hungry this morning? Yeah, I wish he'd hurry. I've heard him milling around up there for 20 minutes. Maybe he's taking his morning walk inside his room. Yes, yes. That's fair, Leroy. Thanks, birdie. Well, so long, Uncle. You are, Leroy. What is it, my boy? I wouldn't take any more of this. Why don't you try to get the 2,000 today and kick him out? Leroy, he'll hear you. It's not a bad idea, either. Here comes Mr. Bullard, Mr. Kilt-Leave. Yeah, it's about time. I better hit for the kitchen. Good morning, Kilt-Leave. Good morning, Mr. Bullard. You sit right there. You rested well, I hope? Well, thank you for asking. You found my bed comfy, did you? Kilt-Leave? I haven't rested the way I did last night since I was in the Navy aboard a destroyer. No? Rock seas and a swaying hammock. What fun. Well, why don't you take the couch in the den tonight? I'll have my breakfast now. How soon will my 4 minute 8 be ready? He's been ready for 10 minutes. What? Kilt-Leave, I can't eat a 14 minute egg. Well, you don't have to. We're putting it in the potato salad for dinner. Good morning, Mr. Bullard. Good morning, Bertie. Here's your breakfast. You ready? What about Mr. Bullard's egg? Mr. Kilt-Leave, we're out of eggs. No. Well, you didn't mention we was having company till you came in with them suitcases last night. Bertie is responsible for having no eggs. Yeah, I understand that, Bertie. Well, I always have an egg for breakfast. Kilt-Leave, why don't you run down to the market and get some? No, Mr. Bullard. Why don't you take the cover off your plate? Well... can I believe my eyes? An English mutton chop. Is that what it is? I'd almost forgotten they existed. Such ingenuity. Bertie, your price looks... Yes, sir. Looks fine. Bertie, can I have one of those sometimes? Yes, sir. I'm done to a turn. Kilt-Leave, if perhaps you shouldn't hear what I have to say. You? Bertie, how much does your present employer pay you? What a guest. Now he's trying to steal my cook. A mignon steak. Awesome for dinner, huh? Yeah. Stay down a while. Well, I'm not. He's taken my room. He's tried to hire Bertie. He's made an errand boy out of me. I wouldn't take this abuse if it wasn't to help Marjorie. What did Mr. Bullard say about the loan, Aunt? He hasn't been in good enough mood for me to ask him for it. I'll try to bring it up tonight. Never mind, Bertie. Yeah, leave it. I'll take these steaks back to Bertie. Okay. You know what isn't Bullard coming home early? He's going to insult me once too often. Afternoon. Hello, Judge. Come in. Thank you. For a minute, I thought it was Bullard. Is he still here? Since the convention's over today, I thought he'd be moving into a hotel. You say the convention is over? Yes. But that isn't what I came by to tell you. I have wonderful news for Marjorie. Who? I took it upon myself today to talk to some of the bank directors about Marjorie and Bronco's house loan. And it's practically certain to go through. Judge, that's great. My problems are over. I can't wait to tell Marjorie. All we need is the approval of one more member of the boat. I'm here, Bertie. You suppose that's Rumpston? Yeah, I know the way he leans on the doorbell. But he's on thin ice. One crack and out he goes. Now, wait a minute, Gilles. If I were you... Hello, Gilles. Ah, John. Hello, Rumpston. Hello. Gilles, I hope you didn't forget the filets. I wanted it for dinner. What if I did? Gilles. Gilles, I've been looking forward to my dinner. I gave you specific instructions. Well, I'm no longer taking instructions. Now, Gilles, don't get upset. You keep out of this, John. Well, I feel that you're not happy staying with us. Well, I have news for you. The convention's over. There are plenty of hotel rooms, and I'm sure you'd be more comfortable in one of those. Gilles, please. Gilles, I can take a hint. I'm not dense. How are you going to prove it? By packing my bags and leaving. Gilles, do you realize what you've done? You bet. At last, I told Bullard off. The only trouble is you told off a member of the bank board. What? Bullard is the man we need to approve Browncorn Marjorie's loan. You... I... Mr. Bullard, you ain't... Don't pack. Don't leave. How do you want your steak? The great Gilles Lee will be with us again in just 30 seconds. There's a secret to making delicious chicken salad, and that secret is in the jar marked miracle whip salad dressing you can buy at your grocers. The wonderful flavor of miracle whip, its lively, teasing flavor, the flavor that no other salad dressing has, is what gives chicken salad or any other salad made with miracle whip, its unusual goodness. Get a jar of miracle whip salad dressing tomorrow and see if you don't agree with the millions who call miracle whip their favorite salad dressing. Mr. Bullard, it was all for the kids. They need that loan to finish their house. Don't turn them down. Please. The Gilles Lee, they shall have the loan. Shall? They will? Oh, great. You won't regret it. They'll pay good interest. I don't care if they ever pay any interest. What? I don't care if they ever repay the loan. I'll repay it myself. Mr. Bullard, I didn't realize you were such a generous man. I'm not. It's the thought of Marjorie and Bronco having to live with you until their house is finished. I say, hang the cost. Finish it. Well, what the heck? I got it for them. Good night, folks. The great Gilles Lee was played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White and is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Gail Gordon, Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Neakin. This is John Easton saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the great Gilles Lee. There are two kinds of delicious Kraft prepared mustard. Mild Kraft mustard, smooth and delicately spiced, and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added. And whichever you prefer, remember, when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Try it on cold sandwiches, hamburgers, frankfurters and cold cuts. Enjoy the wonderful sauces you can make for hot meat and vegetable courses with Kraft prepared mustard. Keep both kinds on hand and keep the whole family happy. Get mild Kraft mustard and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added at your favorite food store. Stay tuned to Groucho Marx and you'll bet your life on NBC.