 The Jack Benny Program presented by Lucky Strike Sixty One Luv ..Scrowdal American Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes Yes, Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes Confirming these scientific tests an independent consulting laboratory with more than 15 years experience in cigarette research reports Lucky Strike, mildest of six major brands tested. And no wonder Lucky Strike cigarettes have improved milder. For years Lucky Strike has conducted a unique and vast program in research, in quality controls and manufacturing methods. And today, tomorrow, always. LS, MFT, LS, MFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine, light, naturally mild tobacco that gives you smoothness and mildness and never a rough puff. So light up, Lucky. Prove to yourself what scientific tests prove. Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Let your own taste and throat be the judge. For the rich taste of fine tobacco, for smoothness and mildness, remember there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, Spring is here. And last night, as a romantic moon smiled down on Beverly Hills, our little star was sitting alone in his den by an open window. Ah, look at that moon. Smell those orange blossoms. Now I know what they mean when they say, in the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns the thoughts of love. Gosh, most of my friends are married and I'm... Hello? Hello, Jack, this is Mary. Oh, Mary. Mary, how are you, Mary? Well, I'm fine, Jack, and I... Well, well, Jack, I hope I didn't disturb you. No, no, Mary, I'm just sitting here in the den thinking. Well, that's funny. I've been... Well, I've been thinking, too. That's funny. That's what I've been doing. Thank you. Well, look, Jack, well, well, we've known each other for a long time, and well, it's spring and the... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, I know it isn't my place to say it, but the... What's the difference? Which one of us says it? It's spring. All right, all right, I'll say it. Jack. Yes? Why don't you get your house painted? Hmm, that's what happened last night. And this morning... I'll get it, Rochester. Good morning, Jack. Mary, what are you doing here so early? And who's this man with you? He's the painter. The painter? But, Mary, I didn't have a chance to think it over. After all... Mr. Hawkins, this is Jack Benny. Hi, Roob. What? I've certainly heard a lot about you, Shake. Hmm. Sorry, forgot I was holding a wet paintbrush. Mary... I took him off another job to come here. But why'd you have to bring him so early? I haven't even had my breakfast yet. All righty-head, I won't disturb you at all. I'll just come right in and... Ouch, my foot. Oops, dropped my ladder. Well, don't just stand there, pick it up. Okey-dokey, hold this. Give it to me by the handle. Heaven says... Oh, boys, your coffee's getting cold. OK, Rochester. Say, Dow, would you like to have breakfast with me? Don't mind if I do. I'm talking to Miss Livingston. Mary, would you like breakfast? I wouldn't mind some coffee. While you're having your breakfast, I'll go through the room and then give you an estimate. Good, good. My, what a lovely piano. Not with a paintbrush. Mary, what kind of... Jack, it was an accident. Come on in the kitchen, have your breakfast. OK, OK. Rochester, put an extra cup on the table. Oh, hello, Miss Livingston. Good morning, Rochester. Hi, just in time, I made a nice batch of pancakes. Well, I was only going to have a cup of coffee, but since you have pancakes, I... Rochester, what's that thing you just put on the plate? A hypodermic needle. A hypodermic needle? What's in it? Sir. In this house, we don't pour it on with Canada's hands, we inject it. Now, stop making things up. Mary, this thing that looks like a hypodermic needle is really a cake decorator, and it's filled with whipped cream. It comes in handy when you want to write happy birthday or merry Christmas. Well, what's it doing on the breakfast table? Mr. Bailey not only wants his pancake size of a dollar, but I got to write E-pluribus unum on every one of them. Rochester. Putting the feathers on eagle is murder. Rochester, be quiet. You know, Jack, the way Rochester's got those pancakes fixed up, they do look like dollars. Yeah, say, Mary, you want to hear something funny? What? Yesterday, when I was shopping, I thought I'd have a little fun, so I tried to pass one of them at the meat market. Now, what happened? Well, the butcher bid it to see if it was good. It was good, so he ate it. Now, come on, let's go. Hey, Rube. Huh? I looked at both your upstairs bedrooms, and they look nice and green. Oh, have you seen the bathroom? No, I haven't been outside yet. Outside? Oh, forgot I was in the city. Well, go upstairs and look at it. OK, Rube, see you later. I wish you wouldn't keep calling me Rube all the time. Mary, how in the world can you bring a strange painter you know nothing about and expect me? Oh, wait a minute, Jack. Mr. Hawkins isn't a stranger. He's an old friend of my family. It was unaccounted him that my sister Babe broke her leg. You mean he broke her leg? Oh, it wasn't his fault. Papa hired him to do some painting. And when Mr. Hawkins put the ladder up against the house, Babe thought it was an elopement and stepped out the window. No. Yeah. She's landed with her head in a bucket of paint. And for two years, she was known as the girl with a green hair. Mary, while you were off last week, did you write that routine? You know, if you did, it's the last time that you... Shh. Come in. Oh, it's Don in the sportsman quartet. Hello, boys. Hmm. Hiya, Don. How are you? Oh, all right. All right, I guess. Don. Don, what's the matter? Oh, I'd rather not talk about it. Now, wait a minute, Don. I know something's bothering you. Now, what is it? Well, I... Come on, Don. What is it? Well, Jack, a terrible thing happened to me this morning. I stepped on the bathroom scale and I weighed 186 pounds. Well... Well, Don, that should have made you happy. That's 90 pounds less than you think. Well, I was happy. I was thrilled. But then I discovered something. Oh, your bathroom scale was wrong? No. My stomach was resting on the washbasin. Look, he likes it. Don. Look at me with convulsion there. Don, did you come over here just to tell me that, Joe? Well, yes, Jack. I thought it was very funny. Oh, you did, eh? Well, Don, there's an old Chinese proverb that says, a announcer who make joke about stomach and basin, soon washed out. Another joke like that, and I'll be washed out. It's my writer's own an oil well. I can't do anything with it. Now, what... Now, what did you come over for, Don? Well, Jack, I brought the quartet with me because they have an idea for a commercial and they want you to hear it. Well, I'm glad you did, Don, because we haven't got the commercial set for the quartet yet. I'm glad you did, Don. Well, I'm glad you did, Don, because we haven't got the commercial set for the show. Now, what... Hey, Rube! Just a minute. What is it, Mr. Hawkins? Just looked in the kitchen and the paint the walls and the ceiling will come to $12. But I'll only charge you $10. Why? I ate two pancakes. Good, good. Now, Don, what's this idea the boys have for a commercial? Well, Jack, every year we do something appropriate for the season. And so far this year we haven't done anything about spring. Say, that's right, Don. It is spring. You know, as a matter of fact, last night I was sitting in my den by an open window and I was looking up at the romantic moon and smelling the fragrance of orange blossoms. And all of a sudden the phone rang. And what happened? What happened? I'm having my house painted. Well, Don, if the boys... If the boys have something... I better get an oil well myself. Well, Don, if the boys have something good for spring I think it'll be good for the show Sunday. Let's hear it now. Okay, take it, boys. Because they can't compare with this message we bring. Back all that grows in the spring, trulla To back all that grows in the spring It grows in Kentucky trulla trulla It's put in a lucky trulla trulla That is why there is never a rough pop There's never a pop that is rough From our analytical surveys we know There's nothing superior to luck is Oh, no! It grows in the spring Oh, little, oh, little, oh, little, oh, little, oh Yes, that is the message we bring. Don, that'll be swell on the show. I thought you'd like it, Jack. Well, we've got to be running along now. Okay, Don, see you later. You know, Mary, I was just thinking of something. I hope this fella doesn't charge me too much for painting the house. I mean, I don't want to go to a lot of... Oh, for heaven's sake, Jack. You only have your house painted every five or six years. Why be so cheap? Cheap? Mary, I'm not cheap, and I resent your saying that. What? You may not know it, but last week a fella stopped me on the street, asked me for a dime for a cup of coffee, and I gave him 50 cents. There they go again. Uh, what was that? I'll explain it to you later. Every time I... Oh, I'll get it. Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mary. Hi, kid. Hello, Mr. Benny. Can I use your phone? The phone? Sure. Go ahead. Hello? Now, listen, you, I've warned you before, and this is the last time. This town ain't big enough for both of us, see? I'm giving you 24 hours to get out, or you'll wind up at the bottom of the river in a barrel of cement. So get out of town, punk, and stay out. Dennis? Dennis, who are you talking to? Humphrey Bogart. I drive nuts. What? Dennis, why do you keep calling Humphrey Bogart and telling him to get out of town? I'm in love with Lauren Bacall. Dennis, I don't care who you're in love with. Don't you ever do that again. Bogart may trace the call and find out it came from here, and he'd come over and punch me in the nose. What's the matter, you chicken? Chicken. Dennis. Dennis. What's come over you lately? I don't know, but if it changes my voice, I'll lose two shows. Now, look, kid, you came over here to use my phone. You used it. I'm too busy to listen to your silly talk, so why don't you go home? Well, don't you want to hear the song I'm gonna do on the program first? Well, all right, let me hear it. But as soon as you do the song, there's someone at the back door. Oh, Rochester! Rochester! Oh well, I'll answer it myself. The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra la, the flowers that bloom in the spring Tra la la la la la la la la la la la la. Yes? Excuse me, mister. Could you help a fella out? What? I ain't had nothing to eat since yesterday. since yesterday. Say, wait a minute. You look familiar to me. Huh? Didn't you stop me last week on Vine Street? Say, that's right. I asked you for a dime for a cup of coffee, and you give me half a buck. I thought I saw your face before. Well, look, I'll arrange to get you something to eat. But first, I'd like to ask you a question, Mr. Savoni. John L. C. Savoni. Well, Mr. Savoni, this question sounds silly, but did you buy a sweepstake? Did you buy a sweepstake ticket with the money I gave you? Oh, no. That would be spending the dough foolishly. Oh. Well, what did you do with the money? I bought a guide to the movie star's home. You were so broke that you had to beg for money, and you spent it to buy a guide to the movie star's home? Well, I'll tell you how it happened in a way. I was hanging around a park, and I wasn't doing nothing. I would just hang around. I didn't feel like doing anything. I said to myself, what are you doing, John? I always call myself John. I never call myself Mr. Savoni. That's my father's name. So I said, I hate doing nothing. And I wasn't. I was just hanging around a park. I was just hanging around. I started feeding some of the peanuts to the pigeons. I don't know why I shared my peanuts with the pigeons. They never shared nothing with me. After a while, a fella comes along. He says, hey, you. I says, who? He says, you. I says, me? He says, yeah. Oh, he made me so nervous. I said, what do you want? He says, do you want to buy a guide to the movie star's home? And I wasn't doing nothing, so I bought it. So that's what you've been doing all day, walking around, looking at the movie star's home? Yeah. And I already saw Gregory Peck, Rameland, and Lina Turner. Lina gave me her autograph. She did? Yeah. And while she was signing her name, she smiled at me. Well, you just wait here, Mr. Salvoli, and I'll have a man fix you something to eat. Thank you, but don't make nothing fancy. I'm in a hurry. I got to get over to Bob Hope's house by five o'clock. Oh, are you going to get a meal from Mr. Hope? No, I'm one of his writers. Well, look, you just wait here, and I'll have some food brought to you. Wait a minute. It's four o'clock. Can I have a cocktail for you? No, no, my bar doesn't open till six. All right, Chester. Yes, boss? There's a hungry man out in the back. Will you go in the kitchen and fix him something to eat? Yes, sir. You know, Mary, that's an amazing coincidence. It's the same man who asked me for a dime last week, and I gave him 50 cents. Rochester, what fell? The pots and pans were all out of dishes. Come on, Dennis, let's hear the song you're going to do. OK. You're the spirit, you're the Easter Bunny sugar, you're a spot. Beautiful songs I've ever heard. I have to hand it to you, kid. You really have a wonderful voice. Gee, thanks. And if you want me to, I'll phone Lauren Bacall and tell her. If a man answers, tell him to get out of town. Oh, stop, will you? Dennis, when I say nice things to you, I wish that you'd come in. Well, Butch and Joey, come on in, fellas. Hello, Mr. Benny. Mary, Dennis, you know Butch and Joey of the Beverly Hills Beavers. Oh, sure. Hello, boy. Hello. What are you fellas doing here today? There's no meeting, is there? Oh, no, we just want to remind you we're having baseball practice tomorrow afternoon. Oh, yes, yes, I almost forgot. Have you boys got a baseball team? Uh-huh. And Mr. Benny is our pitcher. Mr. Benny pitches for you? Sure, if he was good enough for the New York Yankees, he's good enough for us. Jack, Jack, did you tell him? Quiet, Mary. By the way, boys, have you been practicing for the show you're going to do next week? Uh-huh. What's this about a show? Oh, I thought I told you, Mary, it's the cutest thing. Next week, they're giving a play in the school auditorium to raise money to pay for their baseball uniforms. Well, that's nice. What play are you going to do? Tom Sawyer or Robin Hood? No, we want to do something different. So we're going to put on one of Mr. Benny's radio programs. Really? Yes, Mary, and each one of the kids is going to play the part of a member of my cast. Say that should be cute. Who's going to play the part of Mr. Benny? I am, Ms. Livingston. I was selected because my eyes are Robin's egg blue. You almost needed an oil well, there. Not quite as blue as mine, but they'll do, you know. And we've got a girl to play your part, Ms. Livingston. She's seven years old. Seven years old? Is she pretty? Uh-huh. And she'll be even prettier when her front teeth come in. Isn't that cute, Mary? And Ms. Livingston, we even got someone to play the part of your sister. Say, they're really doing everybody. Who's playing the part of my sister, Babe? My brother, Herman. I helped them cast that part, you know. Say, Joey, have you got kids to play Phil Harris and Dennis Day? Uh-huh. And we've got a real butter ball for Don Wilson. Yeah, you ought to see the belly on him. Well, fellow Beavers, we'll all be at the show next week, and we want to wish you a lot of luck. Well, thanks, Mr. Benny. But we came over here to get some money. Money? Well, you're our treasurer. Oh, yes, yes. We need $9 to get the programs printed and $5 for the tickets. Oh, see, that's $14. Well, wait here, and I'll be back in a few minutes. I've got to go down to the vault to get the money. Excuse me, Mary. I'll always forget about that barbed wire. What's the password? R-A-G-G-M-O-P-P-Bragma. Oh, it's you, Mr. Benny. Yes, yes. How are you, Ed? Fine, fine. What's new on the outside world? Oh, nothing much, except that the country is thinking of admitting Hawaii and Alaska as states. My, how exciting. That'll make 37 more. No, no, Ed, it'll be 50. Well, excuse me, I want to take some money out. Money out? Yes, and I may be down again tomorrow. No, I'm having my house painted. Oh, is there a house up there now? Uh-huh. Now, excuse me, Ed, I want to open the safe. Shall I take another loyalty oath? No. No, Ed, Senator McCarthy hasn't mentioned you yet. Now, let's see. What's the combination? Right to 45, left to 160, back to 15, and left to 110, there. Let's see. I need $9 for the program. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. That takes care of the programs. Now, 5 for the tickets. I think I'll take it in silver. One, two, three, four. Oh, that's a pancake. Here's a dollar. There, that'll do. Mr. Benny, you dropped one of the bills. Oh, yes, yes, I'll pick it up. Look, you dropped another one. How come your hands are shaking like that? I don't know, Ed, but it seems that whenever I count money, it makes me so nervous. So long, Ed. Oh my goodness, he took out $14 and went crazy. Next, we'll be back in just a moment, but first. affair Scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes Yes scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes Confirming these scientific tests an independent consultant laboratory with more than 15 years experience in cigarette research research reports lucky strike mildest of six major brands tested LS MFT LS MFT lucky strike means fine tobacco that's why with every lucky you get the rich taste of fine light naturally mild tobacco yes smoothness and mildness with never a rough puff so smoke a lucky prove to yourself what scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes let your own taste and throat be the judge for the rich taste of fine tobacco for smoothness and mildness remember there's never a rough puff and a lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw goodnight folks stay tuned for the Amazon and show which follows immediately and don't forget Jack Benny is going to be with Edgar Bergen show this is CBS the Columbia broadcast