 Welcome to the 21 convention Miami, Florida 2016 and this next speaker, pretty interesting guy, apparently we have some history now, but some good stuff in he is the managing director of Sasha Daygame and also he is the head coach of that same company. He's going to talk to you about dating, seduction, sex and all that sort of good stuff so that you can up your game, meet people, have great connections and relationships with people for the rest of your life. Ryan Black, let's do it. Hey guys, so I'm going to talk to you today about the 80-20 solution to seductive success and I'll tell you more about what that means in a second, but first let me ask you guys a quick question. So do you feel right now sitting here that a lot of the stuff out there, the ways that you're currently meeting women, whether it's maybe the tender, anybody on the tender? No hands up, you're all on tender, fuck you. Don't lie to me. Or going out to nightclubs or doing social circle or this good stuff, right? Is that feeling to you that it's complex, that it's quite competitive, that it's hard to stand out on maybe a girl's profile when she's swiping away, that it's hard to stand out in a nightclub situation or a social circle when so many guys are going out there and improving themselves and working so hard? You feel like maybe there's a lot of stuff out there, there's a lot of material, right? Anybody read a bunch of material to do with pickup and seduction over the past few years? Yeah, everybody's hand up, including my own, it's okay, right? There's a lot of stuff out there and there's free blogs and free videos and all this kind of good stuff, but it can cause, what, beginning with, oh, they're overwhelmed, right? Who do I trust? Which one of these resources is the direction I should go? Who should I listen to? And after all of this, when you go out and you want to meet and connect with a woman, instead of it being fun, instead of it, as Nick was saying, being an experience where you enjoy it for itself, it feels like work, it feels like a struggle, it feels like a challenge just to force yourself to go out again, put yourself out there, just to try and connect with a woman. Anybody feel any of this? Anybody experience any of this? I hope it's most of you, right? And the reason I ask you this isn't to make you feel bad about yourself, but it's to tell you that in 2010, the summer of 2010, if you'd asked me those questions, I would have given you the same answers. I would have told you, yeah, that's exactly where I'm at right now. I'm really struggling with this stuff. And it was at that point, you can tell exactly how much I was struggling, right? How overwhelmed I was, how unsure of what to do, that I actually sought the advice of Steve Maeda. And I did a consult with him, and he asked me a question, which is a very good question, which I encourage you guys to ask yourselves. He said very simply, what are your goals when it comes to dating and seduction? Like, what do you want your dating life to be like? And in that moment, I thought about it. I really thought about it. And I said to myself, even as I was kind of going, all right, what's a reasonable goal for me? What do I think that I could really achieve in terms of my dating life? And I thought back over my previous experiences, well, what have I achieved so far? And realistically, will I be able to achieve in the future so I can answer this guy's question? And I thought back to my earliest experience of expressing myself, my interest to a girl. And it was about the age of, I don't know, nine or 10 or something. And there was a girl who I was kind of family friends with, and I'd known her forever. And I had these feelings. Now, when you're like 10, you don't really understand what's going on, but I felt like I really like this girl. And of course, at that age, I don't know about you, but what I understood about dating and seduction was pretty much Disney movies, right? How men and women interact and what's romantic is Disney's Aladdin. So I had this interest in this girl, and there was this moment, and I was like, I'm going to just say something about that. So I decided to kind of weaver this overblown romantic story. And I was like, wouldn't it be awesome if one day I rode towards you on a white horse, and you were wearing a princess crown, and we flew on a magic carpet or some shit, and we were together, and you were my princess, and I was your king and all this stuff. Wouldn't that be amazing one day, right? And as I was telling her this story, she kind of looked at me, and I was a little bit confused. And then confusion turned to like being weirded out, and then weirded out turned to like disgust, and she started crying and ran away. And in that moment, I was like, direct game doesn't work. Thank you for the love. But in that moment, right, in some of the time, I don't know if you guys can think back or if those feelings are kind of repressed. But I think all of the difference often the only difference between a guy that ends up finding himself in this community, and someone who never has any problems with girls ever, is just one experience like that. One thing where for one guy, they get this negative reaction and go, I should never express myself to women. Because when I do, look at the reaction I get. And one guy who says something like, you know, you want to go on a date to the first girl that they're interested in, and she goes, yeah, okay. Then I thought back to the intervening years where I never expressed myself to women out of fear of getting the kind of reaction that I got in the first time I did it, all the way through high school, no girls. And in the first year of university, I kind of fumbled my way into the first relationship I ever had with a girl and stayed in that relationship through the entirety of my college experience. For five years, I stayed an extra year for fun. And I didn't stay with this girl for five years because she was particularly attractive. I didn't stay with her because we had a bunch in common. I didn't stay with her because she was incredibly witty or really intelligent. I say with her why, guys, out of what? Fear. Out of a feeling of scarcity that looking back over my experiences, this is probably the best you're ever going to get. This is it. So grab hold of it and don't let it go, otherwise you'll be alone. So end of university, I'm going through this kind of dilemma. I am talking to a friend of mine and I'm saying, listen, university is ending. We're all going to go our separate ways now. And I have this girlfriend. We don't fight. We're not angry at each other. Everything's fine. But at this point, it's either marry this girl, the only girl you've ever slept with ever, and be like, have kids and that's it, that's your life. Or what, break up with her and then go out and somehow meet another woman? I mean, that seems like a pretty big fucking gamble based on where I was at. And he said, I know exactly the thing that's going to give you clarity on this question. And the next day, he comes back and he gives me a book. What book do you think he gave me? The Game by Neil Strauss. And I was like, holy fuck, there are psychological techniques based on science that I can use to manipulate women into sleeping. This is amazing. And it doesn't even matter how ugly I am. This is incredible. I bought the whole thing, hook, line and sinker. I read all the stuff and I went out. And for the next two years, I did nothing. But, you know, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, out in the night clubs, doing my routines and running the cube. Steve remembers the cube. And just hitting it as hard as I could. And this was at university. This was then a year in New York City, home of some of the most beautiful and most single women you're ever going to find. In those two years, mystery method, three nights a week. How many girls do you think I slept with in two years? Any guesses? Thanks for the vote of confidence. We have one. Any other guesses? Four. Thank you very much, sir. Very kind of you. The answer is two. Two women in two years. And what was crazy about those two women is that neither one of them was a cold approach. Both of those women were met when I was introduced to them by a friend. I ran no game. I just talked to them normally. And at that point, you're all laughing. I was still just like, no, I just got to keep gaming. And then this is going to be the answer. So it was after all of those experiences where Steve asked me, you know, what are your goals? And here's the thing. The problem with reading all this stuff and doing it is it installed rather than giving me new, empowering beliefs that helped me succeed, I feel like, I'm not saying it's true for everybody, but I certainly feel like when what happened was not only was I carrying around the limiting beliefs that I'd already established based on my life experiences that I'm ugly, no women are interested in me, right? My interests were bore women. I was super into nerdy science stuff and things like that at school. No woman wants to talk about that, right? And most importantly, women will be disgusted if I show sexual interest because, of course, the times that I'd ever expressed interest in a woman, they'd been disgusted with me. So I had those and all Mystery Method did was reinforce them or replace them with even more limiting ones. So Mystery Method says, you know, look, don't matter. Just do the routines, right? And it doesn't matter what you look like. And that might seem empowering to some people, but the way I was saying was like, right, looks don't matter, assumes I'm ugly. Otherwise, why would they be saying it? So it doesn't matter how ugly I am, if I just learn the routines, right? Then I'll get the success I'm looking for, right? It says, well, my interests were bore women. Yeah, that's right. That's why you have to do DHV stories. You have to tell them stuff, a lot of which isn't even true, to impress them. And you have to run the routines and use, you know, be cocky funny, basically not say the stuff you're interested in, do this stuff. And yes, definitely don't show sexual interest, right? All of Indirect Game is based on the idea that you never just express the fact that you're interested in the girl first. You have to wait, you have to do the right stuff first. You have to neg them, you have to withhold expressions of interest till later. So what happens is, the fundamental mindset that I was coming from at that time was something along the lines of this, right? That there were these, I had to do, put in a lot of effort and a lot of work to learn, remember and then implement techniques, routine steps in order so I could do the right things to prove to the girl that I was worthy enough to have a relationship with her, that I was worthy enough for sex from her, right? And I don't know if any of you guys feel like it, at least at some point, or maybe still now, fundamentally, if you really look at it, are you coming from this kind of mindset? Are you coming from this kind of place? Right? Because if you are, I'm going to argue, it doesn't matter what technique you use and how well you implement it. If this is the place that you're coming from, none of it's going to work and it's not going to get you the success that you're looking for. So, yeah, and what happens is, this mindset is this idea, right? It creates, I call it like a minefield, a minefield in your mind, because what you're doing is every step, it's like, okay, now I've done the approach part, now I'm in mid-game and I have to do the mid-game steps. And if I screw up one of the steps, then the whole, the interaction is going to be over, I'm going to fail, I won't succeed at getting this goal. And so every step along the way, you're so focused in on what do I do, what's the next step, and how do I do it correctly? Right? And I had the same problem, this only contributed to the social anxiety that I already had. So, my social anxiety was to the point where I actually started avoiding the main intersection where all the people at university would pass by each other, because I would see people and I was real bad at recognizing if I knew somebody or if I didn't. So I would have the experience of passing by somebody who I then remembered, oh shit, I knew that person, but I didn't say hello to them. Or I would have the experience of seeing someone and be like, oh I think I know this person. And then waving at them and being like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed, I waved at somebody I don't already know. And my solution to this was just avoid people. Just don't speak to anybody, avoid where people meet and then you won't have to face the horrible, crushing experience of being embarrassed, of having someone be like, oh that person, you know, that guy's weird. So, this is all what's going on in my mind when Steve asked me, what are your goals? And so I said to him, well you know what, it would be amazing if I could one day be able to date two women at the same time. To have the choice, to have the amazing abundance that I could be seeing two girls and express to them like, this is how it is, and then be okay with that. And even as I was saying it, as you can imagine from this, from the history that I just told you, I was going yeah, but realistically Ryan, maybe in like five years when you're like a multimillionaire and you have like a cool mansion and like boats and shit, then maybe that might happen for you, but let's come on, let's be realistic. Like I didn't even believe my own goal at that point. And so we did this, we did this consultation and I wrote down some stuff and then I just went back to what my normal routine was at the time, which was actually this. Every day at that point I would study my stuff for law school, which I was out at the time in the UK. And once that was done, I'd go to the gym, I put on my headphones and I listened to some kind of pickup podcast or pickup stuff. This guy knows, he's like, yeah, you know, be alpha, be alpha, be alpha. And then I'd come home and I'd make my protein shake or my food and I'd put on a 21 convention speech. And then I'd eat my stuff and then I'd go in the bath and I put the computer on the side and I finished the 21 conventions speech in the bath. So I was lathering myself up listening to Adam Lyons sensually talk to me about qualification. And that was, you know, day after day after day. So at one point I'm doing my usual searching for more stuff and I see video. And it's this guy and he sounds American and he's got this like hair, like in sort of pineapple thing on the top of his head. He looks like a fucking weirdo. And he's dressed like a hobo. And he's doing all the opposite stuff to all the stuff that I've read. All these techniques, all these things that everybody says, you got to do this otherwise the interaction will be over, you will be rejected, you will be a loser. He's making all these mistakes. He's acting like a douchebag. One video he's not even saying anything. He's just standing there like a retard. And yet she's having an amazing time, loves it, is cracking up and wants to see him again. And he's having an amazing time. And I was like, compare that to all the material out there that was just some guy and looking very serious, been like, now you've got to do step two, and you've got to do step three, and don't, whatever you do, don't forget step five. And he was just not doing any of that. And I was like, this is, if anybody at this point three years into my pickup journey, if anybody can potentially help me, maybe it's this guy. So I went ahead, that guy was obviously Sasha Daygame, and I took his course. And what was crazy is within the first two hours of the first day of that course, every single one of those limiting beliefs that I'd had were gone. Permanently, they were gone. And I had new actually empowering beliefs in their place, installed me, and they've never gone away. Not only that, but within a couple of months of finishing that course, I was dating three women at the same time in London, all completely ethically telling them how it worked and what it was and then agreeing. And then within five months, I was dating five different women, some of whom are here, that I collected various things, there's some white ones too, it's not just all. And what I want to do with you is go into the core, what that mindset was, the thing that changed everything. Because the solution for me is this, whenever you're overwhelmed with all these different things and you don't know what's working, you need to figure out what's the 80-20. So can someone, everybody knows the 80-20 or Pareto principle is roughly, very simply, in different ways, in different distributions, 80% of something is contained within 20% of things. So for example, this is actually a chart of the number of the average, taking the average number of women that a man will sleep with in his lifetime worldwide, which is what? Anybody know? Seven. Seven, correct. Right, taking that, that's a distribution for a room of, I know, 100 guys or something. Is it real? I'm sorry? I think it's real. Assuming that, that's the distribution you get. And what's cool is, is, and what's in, what I think is an empowering idea, is that on this distribution, at one point for most of my life, I would have been that statistic, you know, that statistic around there for most guys, where I was probably, you know, on course to maybe sleep with one, two, three girls in my whole life. But I was able by applying these principles to put myself in the top 1% easily, quickly, without having to do a lot of work, without having to put tons of effort in, without having to beat myself up. And what the 80-20 rule is also important for is realizing that 80% of your results will come from 20% of the effort you put in. And figuring out where to put that effort in is the thing that's going to turn the key. So for me, this is both the problem and the solution. I hope you guys would agree that we all have a certain set of core values. This is a, yeah, if you want to take photos, that's fine. We have a certain set of core values that are who we really are at our core, right? So the real values you have about how you live your life, about who you believe yourself to be, about who you want to be, about what truth is, and what justice is, and what right is, and what wrong is. And those don't really change that much over the course of your life. They can sometimes, but fundamentally, they're kind of the bedrock, right? And those core values inform what beliefs it's likely that you're going to be able to take in and how you're going to be able to change your beliefs, right? And only then, you have a set of beliefs, those will influence the specific words and actions that you take, right? Is that reasonable? Does that make sense to people? So here's the thing. So what most of the stuff out there, most of the material, most of the, you know, whether it's an ebook or a free report or some kind of course or whatever in our seduction community is focused on, right? Is this stuff, isn't it? The stuff that you say, the things you do, the actions that you take, right? Oh, just say this thing and then you'll get this result, right? And that's because it sells, right? People go, oh, give me the thing to say and I'll go say it, right? That seems easy. But the fact is, is that's the least important element. And what I will argue very, very forcibly is that actually, if you handle the bedrock stuff first, if you handle the base core stuff first, the things you do and say, they just happen. You don't have to think about it. You don't have to try. You don't have to remember stuff. You just handle the bedrock stuff and allow yourself to express that in whatever way you feel like expressing it based on whatever situation you happen to be in. So I can't go through all of this obviously, but I want to focus on what I think turns the key the most, which is this guy here, self-acceptance. I'm going to take a little drink. So anybody here have a niece or nephew? Cool. So have you taken your niece and nephew to like a playground or something, right? Where there's other kids? What happens when you take a little kid in and there's other kids? What do they do? Not a trick question. They just run off and start playing with each other. You don't have to encourage them or do anything. They're like, oh, other kids. Have you ever had the experience where take a niece and nephew somewhere to a playground? You sit down. They run off. They come back and they're like, uncle, I really want to play with that kid on the swing, but I have approach anxiety. Nobody? I knew there was to be one guy that would be like, actually. But that's a very rare occurrence. Why? Why? Why would it be weird for like a five or six year old to express that they have some anxiety interacting with other kids? Reason is because interacting with other human beings is something that we're already pre-programmed and designed to be able to do. We already have it within us. It's already within all of you sitting here to have the ability to go up to and connect with anybody, including a very attractive woman that you might like to get to know. What happens is that over time, we install patterns of thought in our mind that repress that ability, that prevent us from doing something that we're naturally totally designed to be able to do. And the worst culprit in that is this guy that I've drawn a little diagram about. So about age four or five, what happens? Suddenly we're going around and doing what we do so well, which is be in the moment. There's definitely some talk about that earlier, right? Kids are so focused in in the moment. They're so present. They're so like, what would be the most awesome fun thing to do right now? And they just do it without thinking, without questioning themselves. And then school happens and parents happen and they say things like, you have to think about the consequences of your actions. What you say affects other people. There's other, that person, right, has in their mind beliefs and intents that are bad and you can't trust them. Especially when they say, would you like some sweets, get into my van? Little paedophile joke for you there, guys. Don't worry about that. Thanks, Steve. So then suddenly we become very concerned with this idea that, oh, what other people are thinking, what other people think about me is important. How what I do and say affects how other people think of me, which is something that just doesn't happen when you're four or five. And then this program comes in to your mind and it makes you an offer. The program comes along and it says to you, hey, you know, there's been a lot of talk about how important it is to be concerned about what people are thinking, what people think about you, and how your actions and behaviors and your words might come off to others. So what I'll do for you is I'll help you up. What I'll do is I'll do this. I'll create a barrier, a filter. And when you're about to express something, when you're about to do something, before you do it, I'll stop you and I'll just make sure that doing or saying that thing is going to get you accepted and it's definitely not going to get you criticized. And if it could potentially get you criticized, then I'll stop you from doing it. And you go, that's fucking awesome. That's exactly what I need. I'm getting in trouble all the time and my parents berate me for doing this stuff. I don't even know even fucking what I did. I need that. And he says, and I'll do one more. This barrier, this filter will also filter stuff coming in. So all the stuff that you see and the colors and the sounds and all this shit, it'll filter all of that out and it'll focus on what's important, which is what does that person think of me? Does that person like me? Are those people judging me? And we know that filter's running all the time, don't we? Because what happens when you're in a crowded room and there's lots of conversations going on? Are you consciously hearing every single one of those conversations? No, it's impossible, right? You just hear chatter. What happens when someone says your name? You immediately look around and spin around to find out who's talking about me. That's that filter at work. It's happening all the time. And just like a, remember that like old anti-virus software where like you'd install it to try and fix, you know, make sure you don't get any viruses? And what happens? There's more updates, there's more installs, and before you know it, it's taking up all the memory of your computer and you can't fucking run anything anymore. That's what happens. This guy, this filter, this mechanism, this mind program is called the ego. And although we may install it at a young age for a reason, it's fundamentally the thing that's blocking our ability to gain self-acceptance. It is the thing that's stopping you from being able to express yourself to women. It is the thing that makes you so full of this fear that we call approach anxiety. And it's the thing that I would argue is the most important thing to do everything we can to destroy. Because here's the thing. The thing of it, another good analogy is like government, right? Government comes in early on and says, oh, we're going to help protect you. And we just need a little bit of money, just a little bit of money so we can have the services to protect you. Anybody know what the federal income tax in this country was when it started? 1%. When it started, 1913, 1% it was. What is it now? 40%. It keeps growing and growing, like any of these programs like a bureaucracy running, gets larger and larger and larger until it has to fundamentally what it's doing is justifying its own existence. And what happens is the ego will not let you do anything that could challenge the fact that you need it. When you start going around and say, oh, I feel like I could say something, go, no, that girl might reject you. People might see, they might criticize you, don't do it. And you repress to the point where it becomes all-consuming, to the point where most of the things that we're doing and saying have no longer have anything to do with what would make us happy and are almost entirely to do with what other people are going to think about us. Does that actually, if you think about it, resonate with you? Do you feel like, actually, now that I think about it, that's true? And here's the problem. The media and television and advertising agencies and all these things know that you have this and they feed into it. Men's magazines and all this stuff, it's just ego driven. It's just saying, oh, get this, design a suit and then people will perceive you as successful. Get this watch, which you don't need and you could just tell the time on your phone, get this real expensive watch because then when people see it, they'll be like, ah, there's a successful man. They will give you validation. They won't criticize you. And all the indirect stuff and anything derived from that, all the PUA material, it's doing the same thing. That's why it's so insidious. Because it's saying, okay, what you need to do is, is when you do the approach, you need to plaster over who you actually are with these layers of routines and ways of, and this prescripted way of interacting with a girl that some other guy wrote who's attractive. And you need the way to start the conversation, the way to do mid game that's like the kind of thing an alpha guy would do. That's the kind of thing an attractive guy would do. And so you keep plastering over all of your behaviors and your personality with what you think attractive guys do and what, with what you think women are going to like you for. And every time you do that, every time you're adopting another thing and learning a new behavior pattern or whatever it is that's going to, that you feel is going to make you more attractive, what are you saying about yourself? What are you saying about who you really are that you're not good enough, that you're not, that you're not worthy, that the last thing you could ever do is allow anybody to see who this person underneath all the routines and all the gimmicks and all the lines really is. God forbid. And so we plaster over, you know, our entire being with lines and routines for all these steps. And let's say you succeed with it. Let's say you learn all this stuff, you do all the things, all the routines and you meet a girl and she likes it. She reacts really favorably to it. She thinks you're really attractive because of the stuff you're doing. And, you know, you go through and you run the mid game and you number close and you get past the LMR and you see it with her. Yes, I've succeeded. Right? I did all the, did all the stuff. I got to step 99 and boom, done. Yes, I win. So what do you do the next day? The next time you see her, we've already said with her, you've already completed the stuff. So you go back to just behaving how you actually are. You go back to being yourself. And the girl turns around and goes, who the fuck is this guy? I, I like the guy with the magic tricks and the routines and the, who's, who's this weird fuck, fuck this. And she runs away. And in our blindness to what's really going on, when that happens, we turn around and we don't blame all the stuff that we've done. We go, Oh my God, who I really am is so unattractive that look as soon as I let someone pass this facade I've created, they're so disgusted, they run away. I have to do this even better. I have to learn, I have to, now I have to get the relationship handling manual and handle a relationship like an Alpha guy would. That was my mistake. I hope you're laughing because you see yourself having done this, having fallen victim to this trap. I say, you know what? I'm just going to get rid of all of that. I'm just going to behave and act in every moment according to who I really am, according to what I really believe, according to what my core values are, I'm going to express exactly what I'm feeling and thinking in that moment. Because when you do that, when there's somebody that you're expressing that to, that resonates with, that connection that you form is instantaneous and effortless. It requires no effort. It requires no more learning. It requires no more prescripting of anything. It requires no more remembering to be non-reactive. It's completely effortless. And the price of admission of being able to do that is just one thing. It's just that you have to accept the fact that when you do that and express yourself completely according to who you really are in every moment, there's going to be a percentage of people that don't resonate with it. There's going to be a percentage of people that don't like it. And they're going to react negatively. They're going to judge you. They're going to not like you. And the thing is, we're so caught up in this, that the very possibility that that could happen makes us so afraid that we go, no, no, no, no, just give me another routine. People say, all right, so express myself in this moment. How do I do that? And I think we're pretty clear, right? What the specific thing that you say is not really the point. A lot of people say, oh, it's not what you say. It's how you say it, right? That's what's important. I disagree. Fundamentally, it's the place that you're coming from. You can have a routine, a prescriptive thing, and it's dialed in perfectly and you can have re-adopt all the exact mannerisms that the person that wrote it does. But if you're coming from that place with all those limiting beliefs, if you're coming from a place where you're genuinely focused, where you've focused so much on emotionally investing in how this person reacts to you, it doesn't matter how well you say it or what you say, it's not going to work. It's not going to feel genuine to that person. On the other hand, if you're coming from a place where you are expressing who you are and really believing that you're giving value in that moment, then you can say some shit that makes no fucking sense and it's actually going to work. I know this because I went back for fun. I've got the recordings that haven't made the video yet, but I went back. I went to do day game and I did indirect day game and I went around and I did who lies more men or women during the day, right? And all those old mystery method things that didn't get me any success in the past. And you know what? It actually went pretty well. It wasn't quite as good as being direct, but girls stuck around. They had conversations. They seemed to like it, right? It was the same things that didn't work for me for years before, but it was the place I was coming from because when I was going and saying those silly things, I was doing it as a joke for fun and I did not care how they reacted, whether they thought I was creepy or weird, whether they were like, what are you doing? I didn't care. I was coming from a place of total self amusement and complete detachment from outcome. And when you do that, you become a billionaire. Yeah, not you get loads of money. Sorry. You don't become a billionaire in terms of dollar bills, right? What do I mean you become a billionaire? Well, it's funny actually because I should just film this video of almost exactly the analogy that I'm describing. I don't know if you guys saw it where he goes around and just starts chucking money at people on the streets. It's pretty cool. So he demonstrated exactly this thing. What happens if, let's say you're a billionaire, say you have a billion dollars and you just made a whole bunch more money. So you go, of course, to celebrate where billionaires go, which is Las Vegas. And you get out of your limo. You're walking into the casino to go play some poker and on your way in just for fun, because you're a billionaire, because you can, you just start handing $100 bills to people just on your way in. Why not, right? Let's just say you did that. Now, what could happen? What will people's reactions be? Well, you could give somebody a $100 bill. They could look at it and be like, oh, come on. Thanks a lot and just walk away. Great. Have you given value to them in that moment? Yes, you have. Can you walk away feeling better about yourself and feeling good that you made someone's day and they're happy and they're richer now for having met you? Yes. Fantastic. You could also give somebody a $100 bill and they could go, cool, man, why are you doing this? And you could be like, oh, I'm a billionaire and I'm just going to play poker and I just thought it'd be fun to hand out some money to people because you just want to give back. And they're like, cool, man, I'm on my way into play poker too. Let's walk and talk. Boom. I've given them value and they've reciprocated it. In the form of conversation, which could lead to maybe a friendship, maybe a business partnership, who knows? Again, win-win. I feel good. They feel good. Happy. Or you could hand somebody a $100 bill. They could look at it and be like, fuck you, man, I don't need your fucking money, prick. Walking around like some big shot, having people money, fucking faggot. Right? That could happen. That could happen. Now, in that moment, if you're a billionaire and you try and hand someone a $100 bill and they react like that, do you feel rejected by that guy? Do you feel like, oh, why? Would you run back and explain yourself to this person? No, no, you see, it's real money. Take it. No. Would you give it even a second thought? Probably not. You're probably walking and be like, what a weirdo. What's wrong with him? That's what approaching is, guys. If you genuinely believe in that moment that you've tried to give someone value in the form of just making them smile, making their day, giving them a compliment, saying something a bit unusual to make them wake up from the trance that they're in, right? If you're doing that all the time and you genuinely believe that and you're coming from that place of just expressing yourself and giving value, there is no rejection anymore. There's simply people who accept the value that you're giving, there's people that reciprocate it, and there's people who for whatever reason aren't interested. And once you do that, you can completely, it's not even a question. You detach yourself from whatever the outcome is. Same thing. One of the biggest things after actually starting the approach, opening, is you want to get into qualification as soon as possible. And this is another example where just the place that you're coming from matters so much more than the techniques and the stuff that you're doing. So most guys, when they're going into qualification, they're like, first of all, they've got qualification written down like some routine, and they say something like, tell me three interesting things about yourself that make you unique. Now, I ask you if you were at a party with like mutual friends and is like, oh, this is my bro Dave, and like, hey, Dave, how's it going? And Dave's like, so tell me three interesting things about yourself that make you unique. You'd be like, what the fuck is this douchebag? That's a really weird way to speak to people. Like people don't speak like that normally. So any qualification routine that's something like that, not going to work. So the way that most got the place that most guys are coming from, in my experience anyway, is from here. They go, right, so at the beginning of the interaction, I'm obviously here, right? I'm at the of this is like value or whatever, right? I'm worthless and pathetic, right? And I'm all the way, I'm a zero. And the girl, of course, because she's so beautiful, is right here at 100. And my job, right, I need to get her to invest. I need to get her to, you know, become attracted to me. I need to, I need to drag her down, right? I need to dent herself esteem. Yeah, I need to, you know, question herself and by, you know, negging. And at the same time, I need to raise my value, right? By saying cool stuff, by DHV, by proving how awesome I am. And that, you know, when we get to like equal or when she's a bit below me, then it's okay to ask for a number or say that I'm interested. Now, I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty shitty way of viewing yourself and your own self worth. For me, the way I arrive at the interaction and why qualification just happens naturally without me having to think about it and do stuff is because I arrive in the interaction here. Not because I'm not saying, by the way, that she's down here because I'm better than, I'm better than her, like I'm better than women. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying I start the interaction up here. Why? Because I know my own value. I'm aware of it. And my own value, why I'm up here, is based on the things that I've achieved, who I am as a person, what my core values are, all the things that I've gone through, all the struggles that I faced and come out the other side, all the things I want to be, all my goals, all of that stuff. You guys know all of that stuff for yourself, unless you're suffering from serious amnesia, you should. So you're coming to the interaction, knowing all of that. That's why you're there. She's here. Why? Again, not because you're better than her, but because you don't know any of that about her. She hasn't told you any of it. All she's done is be attractive to you. Okay, that's good. That gets you to be interested enough to want to have the conversation, to find out about her. But the rest of this, to me, is very simple. All I'm doing once I'm there, once I've expressed how I feel in that moment, how she's making me feel, what about her I'm interested in, why I want to have this conversation? Opening. From that point, the interaction, everything, all the stuff and qualification is real simple. It's giving her the space to allow her to tell me all the cool stuff about herself that would make her go from here to here, that would make me feel like, wow, actually, I wasn't expecting you to have all this real cool stuff. And a lot of it we share and a lot of it I'm really interested in. And boom, you're up here. Or not. Or disappoint me by not having anything cool about her, in which case I end the interaction, bid her a good day and leave. And that's something most guys are just not willing to do, to walk away because they're so focused on what's the next step and how do I get this, how do I get this number? How do I get this outcome? So what I'd like to encourage you guys to do is dispense with anything that is implanting those limiting beliefs in your mind, that's telling you that you're not enough and you need to prove yourself to other people, that's telling you to repress who you really are and not express it for fear of being judged and go out, be that billionaire and focus your self-development journey on the question, how in this moment can I express who I really am as authentically as possible? Thank you very much. Let's give it up for Ryan Black. We've got a couple of questions already for you. I don't have the question anymore. So you solved it from what I said? Or you just don't care anymore? Sort of just thought about it. There was a question that was written online and it was, do you bring up negative things to women if it's about being yourself? Because the opposite of a DHV would be being honest, but sometimes you might be having a bad day. So do you do that? Absolutely, absolutely. So it's a really good thing. So when I was about six, eight months after I took my course, I started getting my interactions when I was going out and doing day game, they started to become less good. I started to get more reactions where the girl was a little bit weirded out or she was like, oh, is this like, am I on camera or is this a setup? Did your friend send you over here? And that happened sometimes, but quite rarely and it started to happen more. And I realized why is because I was, I'd hit upon like kind of a, the same kind of thing I'd say when I was beginning conversations. And I was so confident in doing it that it stopped becoming authentic. It stopped feeling genuine to the girl. And so they started reacting like this can't be real. So what I always encourage students to do is like a great, a great thing, a thing that really, really works when you're starting out and you've only just done it, you know, a few weeks or whatever is to actually express the fact that you have no idea what you're doing and you're nervous, right? Because a much better interaction for me at that point when I was starting to get bad reactions was to do even the most bumbling, ridiculous opener but where it was coming from a genuine place. I've just been like, hey listen, oh my God, I just, I haven't really like planned this and I don't really know what I'm doing but I just, I just saw you and I just had to come over and now I'm here and I don't know where this is going but wow and hi, I'm Ryan. Like that, something like that really genuine jump, you know, stumbling over your words is gonna, is gonna have to create much stronger emotional reaction in her than if you have like the perfect day game opener that you just say a hundred times the same way. So absolutely, if you're really feeling something and you're like, I'm really nervous and I'm not sure what I'm doing and that's really true for you, express it, always. He's shaking his head like he disagrees. Okay, first of all, it was very impressive. Thank you. Second, from my understanding, and I'm just gonna give you, you tried Mr. Emmented, it was miserable failure, took girls in three years and you walk really, really hard. You went out very hard. You went to such a day game and it was extremely successful in a very short period of time, three to five months and then it's something changed in you, your perception, something in self-acceptance that changed you and you try again Mr. Emmented on the street and it was also relatively successful. So I have a few questions. Did you try Mr. Emmented again in the clubs and what was the results? No, I only did that like for fun for just a day of filming. I was like, just to see as a joke, I just did some, you know, old mystery method opens during the day. I didn't like go back to, oh, I'm gonna do mystery method now. Second, what do you attribute your success, whether you're changing from night game setting to day game or it's changing your beliefs like self-acceptance and can you elaborate more about self-acceptance because you told it you start accepting yourself but you didn't tell exactly what you did ABC on the steps. So these questions please. Okay, so the, I attribute it not to like being like, oh, I'm gonna do day game now and that being the success because I now with the right mindsets I can go into night, I don't go to nightclubs that much but when I do I have a, you know, and it's because it's a friend's birthday or whatever it is like I go because I want to go not because I'm trying to pick up chicks and it's often very successful. I have a great time when I meet girls and I get numbers and all kinds of stuff so I can do it. I just choose not to because it's not really, doesn't fit with what my lifestyle is like I don't really drink alcohol. I don't like loud nightclubs. It's just not really my scene. And the point about self-acceptance, yes, I fundamentally when I look back at it what I've tried to do is analyze like what mindset shifts that I go through that caused this as you put as you correctly described like very rapid results. It's the idea that if I go back to, can I go back? What we do, like what makes the courses very different from most of the other stuff out there is that the first the first day, first half of the first day has nothing to do with picking up girls. There's nothing to do with women, has nothing to do with his, you know, his the right thing to do because as useful as that is if I take the average guy who's struggling with this and I go right so you know day one welcome to the course so here's how to open and give them a bunch of stuff right now if I send them into you know inset they're going to be even more nervous and anxious than they were before because not only do they have all their existing insecurities and limiting beliefs but now I've told them oh you have to do all these things right and now they're worried about getting the stuff right as well as all the stuff that they're already worried about. So what we do what Sasha did and what he took me through is focusing on getting rid of this shit first. The focus of the first half of the first day is purely on things taking you through experiences each one of which puts you in a situation where you have a realization that you don't need that ego anymore that that thing isn't protecting you and that that work that horrible fear of being judged actually nothing happens it doesn't matter and you don't care and you only need one or two of those right you only need one or two experiences to have a realization that can completely change your beliefs for example if let's imagine that you're you want me to take this one more than we're done. No there's a bunch of questions actually so for time's sake let's uh but finish up really quick but there's about four more guys that have questions. Okay so for example if you were let's say you were lied to your whole life by your mom and dad that in the in a locked briefcase in the attic was a suitcase full of a million dollars and they said that to you like pretty much every day every time money came up they'd be like well you you know you don't have to worry about that in the future you don't have to worry about college or whatever because you've got that briefcase of a million dollars right and say that just haven't ever until you were 18 whatever and finally one day you go upstairs you they're out you break in you're like oh yes I can get the briefcase of a million dollars and you go upstairs open the thing briefcase is empty how long does it take you to change your belief about the briefcase it's instantaneous do you have to go through years of therapy to change your belief about the briefcase no you look at it and go oh I see they you know you might be angry and be like fucking they lied to me about this but the change in belief is instantaneous and it's not difficult right it's the same thing if you put yourself in a situation right which proves to you right that you don't need this that proves to you that the worst fear that this was supposed to be protecting you from doesn't fucking exist how many times you need to do that before you get it one two that's what I did there were other questions I'm glad that Nick has a question we can speak about it afterwards great presentation by the way thank you very much I just feel like it's really difficult to do a day game alone without being results oriented and feeling like you're still progressing like so how do you still feel like you're progressing doing day game and not having to feel like you have to approach every girl at the same time and you know make sure you're making some progress totally um so there's a big distinction that I see between a lot of this the students that take day game courses and the ones that mean Sasha teach in London I walk around and do these courses a lot and I see a lot of previous students of other instructors running around doing day game like two three years after they took their boot camp and I don't see any of mine because the goal fundamentally of getting good at this is so that you can integrate it into your everyday life so it becomes a normal thing you just do so you don't set aside but we say when when our students you know leave we say you have three to six months grace period where you can set aside you know time and do a whole bunch of approaches after that you should not need to do that after that what happens is you live your life right you are going to grab coffee with a friend and you set off 30 minutes early so you can walk there and if you happen to see a girl as you're walking there you go speak to her and if that approach lasts a long time then you can apologize to your friend who I'm sure won't be too upset when you tell them that you just got a really hot girl's number you're hanging out with friends you sit outside whatever it is and there's girls walking past and you say excuse me guys one second you run off you do an approach I tell you your friends will will think of you very differently if you show them that side of you and a lot of the time guys are worried about oh what if people see me in all the stuff but 99 times out of 100 you go you do that you don't even get a number it doesn't even last that long it wasn't even that good she kind of looked at you with a weird face and you walked off you go back to your friends that don't know about any of this stuff they're like oh my god that was amazing how did you do that so guys just this thing I do just who I am right so um do what you like do what you can to integrate it into just living your life normally because fundamentally this is not like the whole thing about the community and all the stuff years ago was it was it's you know it's been kind of weird like a bunch of guys all meeting together in a nightclub and talking about game stuff and then having to be like oh there's a girl I'm gonna do an approach like it's fucking weird it should just be a normal thing that you just do like oh I saw a girl that was cute so I went to talk to her but don't you do that I also give guys the the plus one rule which is real simple which is just um at the end of the day I want to be at one plus one approaches so by the end of the day and um if I don't get that then I don't get to eat dinner say so you can set the goal of whatever whatever you want right so the incentive there is to do at least one approach during the course of your day on the way to work at lunch and get your plus one but if you don't if you see a girl and you psych yourself out and say like oh it's she looks busy and act like a faggot now you're at minus one so now you have to do two to get to plus one otherwise you don't get to eat and I develop that myself just as a little mind thing and I use that just after my bootcamp to kind of make sure I was always doing at least an approach a day useful helpful cool last question last couple awesome just uh generally a comment actually I love the speech and I think that one of the things that was most profound to me that really unlocked my thinking was how you spoke earlier about how you're willing to put in the work ethic to do that and grind even though you're using an incorrect means and I think it's incredibly important to really understand that once you're able to use a correct means of self-acceptance how your results really changed while still applying the same work ethic that you had previously even though you had sort of a flawed method originally I thought that was really incredible thanks man I appreciate it maybe since that wasn't a question we can do one more if anybody has anything since he didn't really ask anything but it was great thanks for stroking my ego bro you're speaking about the ideas of um self-acceptance and insecurity and all that stuff so where do you think that where do you think that comes from that sense of insecurity apart from you know going out into the world getting rejected and stuff like that or where do you think this sense of where do you think that that actually comes from like the stem of it or the root of it um I'll say more right now afterwards but because of time apparently I need to keep it short but fundamentally it comes from it comes from being human and us we being social animals we are taught from a very early age to crave acceptance we need it it is a currency of value that we feel and we get positive emotions when we feel acceptance and we feel negative emotions when we are not accepted or when we're criticized or when we're judged and that is that's part of every human's journey but um hopefully there's some stuff here that you can use to transcend that and overcome it so that you're not as tied to other people's view of you and you can act more according to who you really are let's give it up for Ryan Black