 Hi, I just wanted to take a sec for more people to notice and understand this disclaimer. Most importantly, this part, I don't actually want to upset anybody. It's all part of the character, and I hope everyone keeps that in mind. We good? Okay. Everybody likes personality quizzes, right? See what your spirit animal, how burnt of a toasted slice of bread you are, what's your worst trade as an employee based on the brand of cereal you like to buy? They're great because most of the time, if you don't like what the quiz results give you, you can look up which answers contribute to what result and just get the one that you wanted in the first place and then brag about it on social media. Wow, would you look at that? You're not such a Slytherin because I'm so cunning, right? Yeah, well jokes on you, that was all an intelligent ruse, I'm actually a Ravenclaw! Or am I? Same with star signs, they're just vague enough that they can boil down to You're a thoughtful individual who sometimes over-thinks things and can be impulsive, but in the end of the day wants to do the best that you can for the people you care about while never settling for the worst possible outcome. And I could say I just described a Libra and they'd eat that shit up like they're a pet that just found some stray cardboard. Luckily Dungeons & Dragons doesn't have any of that dumb personality shit that nerds argue about for hours on the internet in hopes to totally poem the other side with facts and logic or anything. Welcome to A Crap Guy to D&D. An old relic of the past and the easiest way to start fights both on and offline, the D&D alignment chart is its version of a personality quiz that no one can agree on. You've likely seen this tic-tac-toe board being used with pop culture characters being placed in each segment, giving a vague idea of what each of them means. But then all it takes is for you to put someone in the wrong place and then everyone starts throwing fists as if they had just found out that you used their facial hair razor to shave your butthole. Remember, characters can only be one alignment forever and must only ever do things considered to be that alignment because thinking about character depth and development is hard and when people disagree with me I take it as a personal attack. More importantly, as a player you get to say what your character's alignment is and no one can ever debate that you're not playing that alignment because you know your character better than they do and they're just jealous and wish their scrubby sheet was as cool as yours so they can suck fat nerds. Small smooth brains think lawful means the literal sense as in following the law but instead what it really means is having a strict set of rules whether it be moral, legal or because your boss is telling you to do it. It's one of the most predictable alignments. 99% of the time when a lawful character sets out to do something through a promise or obligation they actually follow through which is why they make great fitness instructors because when they say they're not gonna fuck your mom they actually don't fuck your mom. A lawful good act is keeping the promise because it's the right thing to do. A lawful neutral keeps the promise because it is a promise and they're gonna stick by it even if fucking your mom saves the universe and a lawful evil keeps the promise because they're gonna fuck your dad instead since he technically didn't say anything about him. Inversely the chaotic side of the chart are for characters that don't give a fuck about their integrity and do whatever the hell they want because they feel like it. Small smooth brains will use this alignment as an excuse to be a total Wangrod and have an inconsistent character with no definable treats. Also known as the chaotic alignment's more recognizable cousin, the stupid alignment with its constant wacky lulso random xd approach to playing their character. The most common examples of chaotic acts are lying, cheating and stealing, aka part of a rogue's balanced breakfast. A chaotic good is stealing from the rich and giving to the less fortunate. A chaotic neutral cheats to win a tournament and uses the winnings to eat something aside from a bread sandwich every night and a chaotic evil will lie about not fucking your dad again and then burst into his bedroom as soon as you blink like a really slutty weeping angel. The good and evil sides of the alignment chart are pretty straightforward. Good is if you're a good person and evil if you're a jackass. But that's a small smooth brain surface level understanding of good and evil, as in no just because you don't stab people doesn't mean not stabbing them is a good act just because stabbing them is a lot easier. Good acts are ones that go out of the character's way to do good and help others, sometimes even to the good person's detriment and oftentimes even if there's no promise of any sort of reward and return for the act. Like using your own hand to get a friend's favorite Lego set out of the toilet even after a night of really spicy curry. In contrast evil is pretty straightforward, i.e actions that could actively harm people or not caring about how those actions could knowingly harm people. An evil act would be being the person who threw the Lego set into the toilet, knowing full well it could be somebody's favorite. But good and evil doesn't just mean motives it means methods too and just because you have nice ends doesn't mean having mean means makes it any less mean. Example, you've caught a kidnapper and you need to find out where they're hiding their captive so you can save them. A good act could be offering some snacks and a binge watch of their favorite show and return for information whereas an evil act would be chopping their nipples off. A neutral cross of the alignment chart is for players who are terrified of commitment and refers to acts that either don't fall on either side of the good evil or lawful chaotic side of the spectrum or characters that are hoarse for choice and like to do whatever tickles their pickle the most depending on the situation. Maybe they'll be employee of the month for one boss and then shit on the desk of their next. Basically the neutral ends of the alignment chart are the most pure and concentrated like the curvature of my butt cheeks and do basically anything and everything that could be considered the essence of that side of the chart. And of course the middle ground, true neutral a.k.a the one that's always playing devil's advocate for literally everything like they spend 10 hours a day discussing opinions on reddit. And there you have it the totally accurate totally objective descriptions for each side of the alignment chart with no room for any other interpretations whatsoever. And if anyone tries to argue otherwise they can suck fat nards. Also never let players pick their own alignment because when they do it actually looks like this. But that's totally because I'm such a Gemini and we don't think people are self-aware enough to be able to categorize themselves without being subconsciously influenced by their own personal biases. And now you know how to use alignment, you're welcome.