 This is Private Van, age 21, hometown New York City, education, high school, practical civilian skills, none. He began experimenting with heroin at age 16, began selling narcotics at age 17, entered U.S. Army, 1968, removed from normal active duty, status reclassified, credible heroin addiction, recommend amnesty and possible rehabilitation, future uncertain. This is Private Joe, age 18, hometown Baltimore, education, dropped out from high school, has been using drugs frequently, entered U.S. Army, 1970, presently relieved of normal active duty, current status, withdrawn from heroin addiction, action recommended, amnesty and possible rehabilitation, future status, doubtful. This is Private Mike, age 19, hometown St. Louis, education, high school, hobbies like shooting pool, has been a frequent user of speed and LSD, does not like reoccurring flashbacks, entered U.S. Army, 1969, reclassified from normal active duty, recommend psychiatric aid and amnesty, subject to regrets the past, worries about the future, present status, questionable. This is Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Van, Joe and Mike are here at the Army's operation awareness program for drug addicts. Their world is different from the ordinary GI. The physical appearance inside operation awareness hardly resembles the usual Army barracks. But part of the program intended to reshape the lives of the drug user demands that they voluntarily express themselves in a way that turns fantasy into reality. Each of these three young men have crashed. Each of these three young men hope they will never have to do so again. All those statistically, most of them will within a year after completing the program of medical and psychiatric treatments. Well, I started using drugs when I was 16 years old and I was dealing with one of my friends because I needed some extra money and I got started snorting it. I used to snort about one bag a day and then as the time going on, I found I couldn't get high off of snorting anymore. I was just burning my nose up and my partner told me that I was wasting money and I was just wasting dope. If I snorted, why don't I just go on and mainline it and shoot it up. I said, yeah, and I tried it and I liked it. It was a good hiring and I wasn't afraid to needle no more because I used to be afraid to needle. And then I just found myself just getting deeper and deeper into the dope. And I got strung up real, real, real bad and I had to, that's when my hustling started to begin and I had quit school to keep my habit up and went on from near to now. I think my curiosity was really what made me take my first, my first acquaintance with narcotics. I was 14 and one of my older friends was getting into it and I saw that it wasn't hurting him and my curiosity set me off to take the pill. My attitude towards drugs after quite a few months, my attitude towards drugs changed and I was more than enough for them but I knew they weren't going to hurt me or I didn't think they would. And I didn't know anything about hepatitis or anything. I wasn't into the needle and that went on for a couple years just smoking and eating pills. And then when it come time for heroin, my curiosity did it again. I thought, you know what the hell, I'll do it one time just to see what it's like. And I did it the one time and then I did it again and again slowly. It took eight, eight and a half months, eight months to a year it took for me to get strung out. And then after that life had just become a whole depressing way just to live, just to go out and get that one fix, you know, hustling and stealing. But I think it was my curiosity that really got me onto the drugs and I always got into things ever since I was a little kid, you know, I was always mischievous, you know. So I thought I'd get into the drug bag and I was. Well I got started on drugs through friends, just people turning me on and as I went along more and more I just started getting deeper and deeper into drugs. Like, you know, first I start using pills but I didn't use them that much. And then, you know, smoking, griefer. And then someone just, you know, well you want to try this, you know. Yeah, and so just start taking them more and more and just found myself finally, you know, at first, you know, people, if they would ask me, I'd say, yeah, I wouldn't go out and look for it. But then after a while I found myself, well, yeah, you know, I'm going out looking for it. And then, you know, I just kept getting heavier and heavier into them. And then I found myself wanting to, you know, buy more quantity, you know, or else, you know, get a more quantity from someone to where, you know, I can, you know, keep enough, you know, for myself. Because, you know, I'd have to. So like, I guess, just knowing association with people from one drug, you know, and then go on to another drug, you know, until it just keeps getting higher and higher. Can we talk about some of the experiences you've had on drugs? Van, how about you? I remember one time when I was on this roof of my aunt's house, I was supposed to be on my aunt's house babysitting, and some of my partners up there, my friends. And like, we had to go on the roof and we were sniffing glue, and we was about 14, 15 years old. And so one of my partners, he got so high off of sniffing glue that he thought he was a superman, and he leaped off the building and he broke every single bone in his body. It was funny because all of a sudden we just, everybody, everything was quiet, you know. And like, the dude just jumped up and said, I'm a superman. He jumped right off the building. And when he broke every, I thought he was dead. I called the police and everything and said, what happened to him? I said, he slipped and fell. But the dude, he was still living, but all, like he broke every single bone in his body because running from the 3rd, 3rd stories, I thought, hide the building. And this was just from sniffing glue. Yeah. He went through a whole lot of changes. Joe? Well, the worst thing that's really happened is like a good buddy of mine just a couple of months ago overdosed up here. You know, he went out and like, he was on parole. So he skipped parole and went to Louisiana. And he died down there. He died. You know, he did another overdose down there. Like, he was a pretty close friend. Like, his family wouldn't even go get his body after he died. What DOD are? Hellen. He OD'd up here on Hellen and he lived, but that was violating parole. So he went to Louisiana and did some dope down there and died. Like, his family wouldn't even go get his body. How about you, Mike? What are some of your experiences on drugs? Well, I guess my own personally is, it wasn't real bad, but it really, it made me think a lot. Is, I did some Skag one night, heroin. And, you know, like, you don't know what you're buying. And so, like, I just did a half a bag. So when I did it, it didn't affect me at all. But then about three minutes later, you know, well, I thought I got burnt on a bag. But about three minutes later, I was just standing up and I boom, flipped out. Just fell down. I hit my mouth, cut open my mouth, and I passed out. And so, you know, the people there, they got all scared. They start filling the bathtub up with water, you know, and they were going to run salt water up. Then I came, came to, and then I stood up and I just passed out again. And so, I guess it was like a minor OD, but, you know, that kind of made me really think. This was on Skag or heroin. What advice would you three as sort of experts and quotes in this field of drugs, what advice would you give to the younger man, a fellow who's 16 or 18 or 20, and hasn't used drugs but is tempted by his friends and peers? What would you tell him? What would appeal to him, do you think, the most to let him know what you three have all been through and what he has ahead of him if he starts on drugs? Right, but like, you can, I can tell a person, you know, not to use drugs. And, you know, like, what's happened to me, and the hard times I've been through and everything, but that won't convince them. You know, you can talk words or anything, but thought, you can't get the thought across. You know what I mean? I can't put the thought in the person's mind. I can, I doubt, seriously, if they didn't think about it. I mean, they probably think about it. But then again, they'd go ahead and do it. Because they probably, just like I said, it won't happen to me. I just left on it because, you know, I know it is going to happen. So it happened to me and it's happened to everybody else. I mean, I once had the thought, you know, I'm not going to get a habit. Yeah, okay, that's what you might think. But it doesn't work like that. You know, it's another life. Won't you do it? The best, well, I think the best thing you can tell them, first off, is the truth, exactly what it's like. And just like, you know, I can't come down on anyone. You know, this is my feeling. They want to do drugs saying, no, you're stupid to use drugs. Which it is because I've used them myself. But all I can do is advise them to watch themselves and try to keep their head together. And if they're going to use them, just watch yourself. Be careful and make sure you know what you're doing. Then what would you tell a young soldier or sailor or airman about drugs? St. Dickinson said, you can tell him. Like people have been telling me that it's no good. It's going to get me in a whole lot of trouble. But I still didn't listen to him. You know, I liked to hide. I didn't want to drink. I just kept on using drugs. And no matter what you say to him, he's going to do what he wants to do. But one thing I could say is to watch yourself, like he said, because it's going to get him in a whole lot of trouble if you let him mess over his mind. Some people can take dope. And when they feel that they're getting strung on or something, they just quit. Other people can't. Once they start using dope for the first time, when they hook, they can never stop. It all depends on the person. But I was telling him to watch yourself because it's a really bad thing. And I'm going to tell him not to smoke no marijuana because to me, there's nothing wrong with that. But on the heart of drugs, I would. What effects do you all think drugs have had on your lives over the long term? We talked about things such as weight loss and your face falling in and your eyes hurting and these little things, which are important. But looking back over the last few years while being involved in the drug's health, what have they done to your life overall? It's like, made me stop from growing up. I mean, I feel this in a lot of ways. Sometimes I have a hard time coping with problems. They come up to me like I don't. If I think I wouldn't use drugs, I'd probably be able to just go right through it. But ever since I first started shooting hard dope, I kind of stopped before the regular life. The regular routine, I went to another world. And now I'm back here again trying to cope with problems that sometimes I have difficulty doing. And if I wouldn't use drugs, I'd probably be able to cope with them with the right procedure. Has it changed your relationship with your family, for example? How about your income? Was that affected? Financially. Oh, yeah. I was always breaking up. With my family, do you mean now or then? Before and after. I never had much to do with my family when I was strung out. Before I did, but then when I got strung out, I kind of just wandered off. I didn't want to be around them. I knew I was getting off and they knew I was getting off. They wanted me around, but they didn't want me around high. They didn't want me to come to them when I was high. So I stayed gone a lot of times. In fact, there was since I quit school. When I was 16, I let you dad out of the house. Because they couldn't take it, and I couldn't take it. Always hassling me. And now they feel, you know, they're at least giving it the effort to try. You know, even though you might fall back sometimes. Dan, how about your life? What have drugs done for you? I just messed it up. Because I quit school too. When I was 17. And all I cared about was dope. Getting high and going out on the street. And doing other things. And I had to hustle to keep my habit. And I knew that I couldn't keep it for my family. Because I used to sell my clothes sometimes when I didn't feel like going out on the street and hustling. My mother used to notice changes in me. And I went to withdrawals in the house. My old man found out, my blue is mine. He put me through a whole lot of changes too. Because he didn't trust me no more. Because he thought I might rip everything off in the house to get some dope. So I just moved out. And this messed up my life. I've been in and out of jail. And all the money I did have was going on dope. And if I did make a little bit money, it wasn't enough. I had a whole lot of problems. That's all I did. You know, you might feel nice while you're high. But when you look back, all the things you had to go through just to get high wasn't worth it. It kind of made me, like Joe said, stop growing up. But it kind of made me very irresponsible. I didn't, you know, even care about any responsibility towards anybody. Even myself. I got that point just so spaced out from doing too much acid and speed where I wanted to kill myself. I tried to kill myself because I wasn't coping with the problem. My head wasn't even together. And I went through a lot of changes. And at one time I had a lot of wants and desires to make something out of myself. And then during the whole period of time, you know, I didn't care. I just, you know, more or less wanted to be, you know, left alone. I didn't care, you know, just lived from one day to the next. Had no foresight of anything. And so with the family it's kind of funny because they really never knew until recently. And I told them, you know, well, I've been doing drugs you know, and so it's going to be hard. Well, they said, well, that's fine, you know, we're glad to hear it, but it kind of made them not trust me. And it seems anything that I did wrong, you know, it was, you know, blamed towards the drugs and they just kind of didn't want to have anything to do with me just, you know, that's the end of it. And now it's, I guess it's also made me want to prove myself, you know, in my family that I, you know, can be a responsible person. Let's talk about your sex lives for a few minutes. What effect does drugs have on your sex life? Does it increase or decrease your desire? Well, how about a girl on drugs, for example? What have you three experienced in this, in this area? Well, I had it for a lot of time when I was strong enough. I had this chick who was like my habit, you know? And like, all I had to do was live with her, you know? And like, she was, she was doing up once in a while, she didn't get off that much. Like, I was strong enough, she was helping me, you know, she understood and like, she was helping me financially. What were you strong enough on? Harold, Harold. She was once in a while, you know, like, she wasn't strong enough. And like, she, uh, all I had to do was live with her, you know? She treated me real good. Like, I was one of the good parts about being strong enough, you know? It was out of sight, living like that. I had a car all the time and everything. Like, I was using her in a way and she was using me in a way, you know? There's nothing wrong with that. I enjoyed that part of it. But does, does the, while you're on, on Harold, let's say, do you, do you find a greater urge for sex relations or? This is it, on Harold. That's you. Oh, well, I mean, like, I cannot fall all night long for, like, to have a climax. It's rough, on Harold. You know, like, I've never known anybody to be able to have one. You ought to agree with that. I mean, like, when I get high, I like to have a girl with me because it's me. I just put me in a mood. It's like, some people, they say like, you just want to be by yourself. And it's not. I mean, as soon as I get high, usually I used to go on my old lady's house or when I'm here, go with some girl I know down here. I can do that, man, but like, I can do that but to have sex, man. I didn't be in with a chick. I didn't talk about this being. I mean, I didn't turn to be a girl-hater or anything. I mean, I still dug chicks, but I mean, sex-wise, you know? You mean, you did one of his I wanted to have it. I wanted to, but I couldn't have it because I could have it, but it was just difficult. And you could, huh? Me. You could solve the controversy for us. Yeah, well, I could, you know, there was no problem. I could always ball, you know, all the time. And so, you know, and I could last longer than usual when I was on, you know, speed. I just, you know, had just more energy and everything. I don't know exactly, you know, physically why, but, uh, you know, the chick dug it, and so, you know, and it was kind of strange because she, uh, she didn't do, she didn't ever do dope with me. Like, you know, like, I'd like, you know, just like to get her stoned, and she'd say, no. But then finally, in the long run, it kind of affected me because she got, she just got tired of it because, uh, she was supporting, you know, giving me money, you know, to buy the dope. But, uh, it affected me in such a way psychologically that, uh, I didn't care, you know, if I had it or not. If a gal's on a speed and you're not, she'll probably, she'll kill you. You spoke of losing so much weight in your time with drugs. Van and Joe, how about heroin, long-term use of heroin? What happens to your body? What other things happen? I found out, like, when I first started shooting dope, I'd lose my appetite. Then when we were off, I could eat. And then I got to the point where, like, I'd have to shoot dope to get an appetite. I was, if I wasn't high, I couldn't eat, you know what I mean? I just, the feeling towards food, maybe I could, like, put some bread and some milk in it, and put it in my mouth and try to get it down my throat. Like, I just, usually fire and shot some dope. And then ate. And I'd get real hungry. You know, I don't know why, it's just the way it worked. But for a long time, I couldn't eat until I shot dope. And I lost a lot of weight. Like, I was... 170. And within the year, when I came to the army, I was 143. So there was definitely a loss of weight. And my face got all thin now. Besides losing weight, is there any other physical thing that happened? Like, my cheeks, on my face, you know, this is what people noticed. I didn't notice it, you know, they just told me, like, my cheeks got, like, all sunken in. You know, they just, like, went in. And my eyes got real brown, around my eyes. Uh, it was just, like, a walking dead person. You know, I don't know if I was looking that bad, but I've seen something like that. You just, your body kind of just grabs tight, you know, like you draw. I don't know, you're like a skeleton in a way. What happens inside? Your stomach, you know, when you're on heroin for long term? What's going on inside? I should ask a doctor that question. Oh, you're doing something to your intestines. I'm pretty sure now, I'm not positive, because I know when you don't have it, your intestines get hurting. You know, I don't know what they're doing. It might be, uh, expanding your intestines. And then when you don't have any dope, they get real tight. That's where it feels, you know what I mean? Like, I felt full when I shot dope, and I could eat, and when I didn't have any, my stomach started hurting. But I never ate that much. You know, I never sat down and had a meal. I don't always, you know, maybe pick up a bag of potato chips and a coat. That could be best for me all day. Man, how about you? What happened to you when you were on heroin for long term? I used to lay a boat. Like, I used to weigh about 165 pounds. And before I came to the program and everything, I weighed 130. 129. I was real, real thin. Like, on my clothes, on my pants I had, they were just baggy. I couldn't, I didn't look good. I was just skinny. Just lost a whole lot of weight. And people could tell. That's just the odd dried up. You didn't even care how'd you look. You just wanted some skag. There's also a problem, speaking of the physical effects, of hepatitis and other things happening from using bad needles and not cleaning the vein before shooting up skag. Isn't this true? Are there other things that can happen to you? Well, like, recently I just saw a guy who was, uh, he was in the hospital doing dope. Right in here, right below his wrist, another guy was hitting him. And he hit an artery. I don't know what it did, it made it collapse I believe he said. And like, his hand turned all purple and everything and his fingers got the size of cigarettes. And they had to cut off his hand right from his knuckles all the way down to his thumb from shooting, uh, second holes. You know, barbiturates. Right here in the wrist, it did something. His hand just went like that and just flew out and had to cut off all his fingers. Like, you know, it's not too nice to see the pressage a little bit. But I got some only thing often besides hepatitis and different types of blood poison. I know there's other kinds of blood poison you can get just from sticking the needle in you so much. He presses me a lot thinking about cutting my hand off. I know this dude like, he was about 32 years old, he shouldn't do that. You know, I say he was 16. And like, he'd be under the bed in the summertime I'd see him in the summertime. He'd be hot out in the arms with his coat. And you look at this dude's hand and his eye and do a big, like, elephant leg. Real big, his fist looked like 10 fists put together right in line. And he always wear a coat to cover up the trap. And his eye and boss's eye would be like this, you know? And like, the dude would never go to hospital because he was afraid that he'd find out he was shooting dope. He might want to cut off his eye or he'd have to go for withdrawn. He'd never go, y'all wear a coat no matter how hard it is outside or what kind of weather he'd be wearing that coat and his hands would be gigantic. Real big. Like, you know, no boxing gloves? One that size. Well, and I got, I got scared when I seen him. I didn't want to shoot him. I wanted to quit too. I've seen guys with a whole arm is the same size. I've seen, I know quite a few people like, like from here down, it's all just the same size right to the knuckles. And like, when they close their hand, they can close it like maybe, maybe like that, you know, because this, everything's all equal. You know, from blowing shots and infections, abscesses and no arms, you know, it's not too pretty. And then I've seen guys with real good veins, you know, the kind of veins that go out like that. And they just be, it look like a little highway, you know, going up and down and on. Just all purple, just instead of veins being there, they got scars going on different ways. Crashing well, okay, you reach a peak, you know, and that's your hallucination on LSD. And then it starts coming down, you know, as you don't peak as much. And you're just kind of spaced out. What I mean by spaced out is you know, you just kind of nowhere. It's really kind of a nowhere of feeling. His hand turned all purple and everything and his fingers got the size of cigarettes. This has been Direction 71, a special report produced by the Office of Information for the Armed Forces, Washington, D.C.