 Hey, what's up? It is Social Friday and you are watching Why in the Morning only on Y to 5 4 channel. My name is Hilda Wadidhi and it's about time we have a deep conversation with some beautiful ladies in studio with me today. Today we are going to be talking about cyberbullying. So what is cyberbullying or cyber harassment? It is a form of bullying or harassment using electronic means. Cyberbullying and cyber harassment is also known as online bullying and it becomes a very increased and popular amongst teenagers and young people. So without further ado, make sure you do slide into our social media handles and let us know some of your experiences when it comes to online bullying. But it's about time we talk to the ladies. Ah, by the way you guys. My name is Jair Bochache and before we talk to the ladies, I'd like to give them a really nice introduction because they're holding a couple of great titles. And I think those titles should not go unnoticed. I shall start with the lady on the far left with a wonderful Masai Red. Thank you for representing Kenya. Thank you. Her name is Audrey Rendo. She is Miss Progress Kenya. And moving on to the right, the lady with the white sash is Miss Kavata and she is Miss Multimedia University actually. And last but not least, we have the lady in the beautiful green Kitange. She is called Ivy Marani. She is Miss Planet International as well as Miss Supranational. Am I saying it right? The Supranational. Supranational. Supranational. Yes, national. Yes, that's the one. So we have some beautiful, beautiful ladies on stage and as Hilda said, we're going to be discussing cyberbullying with them. Yes, so it's about time we delve into the conversation. We are all online, yes. Do you have a social media account? Yes. Yes. So let's talk about some of your experiences. What are some of the comments you've received from people that felt like a direct attack on your person or on your esteem? Let's start with Audrey. Okay. I have a social media page. It's called Beauty Patients Kenya and I also run Rain Patients Academy. So with my social media page, I usually follow the lives of pretty much every beauty queen in Kenya because I want to give them the exposure. So much as I might not have received such vicious comments against me but I'm up to date with every beauty queen and what they've experienced one on one. And it hurts me because some of the comments, they're just not deserved. Some of the comments are not deserved? They're not deserved. In fact, all of them are not deserved because as a beauty queen myself, I understand how much work goes into competing, you know, preparing for that title, all the attention, all the money that you put in. So for somebody who doesn't understand how beauty pageants work to come and tell you, you know, you're not beautiful enough for this, yet many of the people who make these comments have never competed in pageants before. So for them to come and tell you who's supposed to win, who's not supposed to win, it's just not fair. It's not appropriate. It's not appropriate. It's like who appointed you the judge? Exactly. There is no pageant that can have one judge. It's usually a panel of judges. Which means the moment they pick a beauty queen, it is a decision that has been made by maybe five or even ten people. So for somebody who doesn't want to know the other panel to come and tell you, you're not supposed to win, it doesn't make any sense. Okay. What about for Miss Multimedia University? Well, for me, I was told I am ugly. I have saggy boobs like yours. Wow. That's deep. Yeah. But then for me, you know, I have a very thick skin and then people who are around me such as Randall, like their support, like just kept me going. And most of all, they just created, they think the bubble is partly, it's created some ways for me, like big doors, you know. Oh, wow. Yeah. So for you, it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. True. Okay. Miss Planet Ivy. What about you? For me, it was terrible when I was crowned Miss Tourism Kakamega because, you know, Miss Moranga at that time, she was so brown. So people took my picture with hers and they were putting it online, like compare and contrast Kakamega. So they were shading your melanin. Yeah. Like she's ugly. And that time I had shot her. I think my pictures are online. They used to say that I look like a man. I do not deserve to be their Miss Tourism. Like Kakamega County Forum was full of that. Like she's not supposed to be on Miss Tourism. We have more pretty girls here and all that. You know? And something funny, one of the judges who actually crowned me is one of the tourism officials and they went ahead and refused to sponsor me at the nationals because they thought I'm ugly. The same person that crowned you. The same person that crowned me turned against me. What? In fact, I remember meeting him and asking him at the office like, what's going on? And he's like, I don't know, you know, guys do not like you. So I cannot just support you. I'm sorry. Two guys do not like you. And when I came back, when I came back from the county, the first lady was like, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I cannot work together. Guys do not like you. And that's it. So I was trying so hard to go to events. And you know, my self-esteem is now down. I'm going to events and I'm like, oh my God, they say I'm ugly. Maybe they are pointing at me. Maybe they are doing stuff, you know? And I used to, I think God for me is tourism through Kana County because she was supporting me every time I used to be scared. Like I can't go there. You know, they say I'm ugly. And she's like, let's go. Let's go. I'll be there with you. Let's just go. I'll stand with you. I'll walk with you. Let's just go. I was breaking down at the academy and I was crying. I wanted to go home because I cannot go to social media. I thought you didn't stand a chance to go home. You guys are saying I'm ugly. The last time when I was being given the awards, the last time, I broke down during my speech in Mysterious and Finals. I broke down because I'm catwalking, I'm going. And I'm like, I'm catwalking, but all these people have said I'm ugly. How are they seeing me? And instead of talking, I started crying. Because I felt like maybe the whole world is. And this thing is deep inside our people. I cannot mention names, but that time, even the media, you know, instead of supporting, they come to take pictures of that ugly girl. Oh, so they come to help the guys online to tell you. Yeah, and I remember Ms. Kamunga chasing some media guys away. I know for me, I was doing the interview. That must be Gata Press though. You don't think that is? No, no, no, Ms. Kaka Megha. Don't do that. And she was chasing them away. Don't take pictures of her. Just don't. Don't try it. So I'm thinking this thing sometimes. It's deep. It starts like one person says she's ugly, and then it spreads. The next person who knew you were not thinks you're ugly too. And it goes deep into everyone. There's a wave effect. Yeah. That's actually true. Because I think in Kenya, we can, our social media presence, you know, for Kenyans, we are to go home and say, and she said it right when one person says one small thing, like maybe they point out one little thing, like I don't like her nose or something. Then someone else will be like, and she says, by the way, her teeth. By the way, you don't even have teeth. And then someone else will come and say, but her ears are also like this. And then it just goes. And we say her ears. People are mean. And Kenyans are like that. And at the end of the day, you three are extremely beautiful. And I'm sorry you had to endure that. That's madness. And I'm sure, by the way, let me ask, have you gotten maybe comments on the positive side after such a brutal negative experience? Did anyone maybe try and tell you that these people are completely blind? My mom. Your mom? Yeah, my mom and my, because at that time, all my friends, whom I thought all my friends turned against me, and you know, you think like you're talking to someone, then you find somewhere they're supporting you ugly, you know, and they're your friends. You went and found that the people who are like, Oh, sorry. Yeah, they are commenting. Yeah, commenting. Yeah, of course. She is, you know, like that, and they are my friends. Your own friends. So the only supporting people. I hope they are now for my friends. I hope they are my only friends. The only supporting people I've had so far was my mom, my dad, and my sister, because I used to call them all the time and ask my mom, are you sure I'm not ugly? Guys. And I can't even imagine what we really had, because you know, your mom will tell you that you are beautiful. Yeah, she was always telling me, I'm not trying to say this because you're my child, but for me, I think you look good. Oh, I think you look really good. Yeah. That's what she used to tell me all the time. And it was tough, you know, because the last time when I was going to crown now the Mysterism for Kaka Omega, I was told not to crown. Wow. Yeah, I was told. Yeah, they were these guys complaining, the lawyers and everything. People were like, people were just like, whoa, you know. They're coming to complain and coming to support and saying, you guys are not fair, this guy is pretty and all this. But there's a speech that was made there and I think, I thank God, because when that person was making that speech, God was preparing something else for me. Wow. And she, I can quote her words to say that, in this county, I can only recognize two Mysterisms who have made this county beautiful. Wow. The rest who are here to crown, we are sorry, but we are not recognizing this county anymore. Wow. Like, we only recognize the people who can make this county beautiful and everything. Wow. I've meant a lot to you. She said that and I broke down but my friends told me, you're not supposed to cry, you're supposed to be happy. You're not supposed to go and crown. It's not a mass. You just sit and enjoy and go home, you know. So what I'm getting from your story is that as much as people think that the comments they're making online are harmless, they can actually affect your actual work, like whatever work that you're doing and then it will come and it will hit you right back. And Audrey, you said something very interesting about the people who are commenting don't know anything about what is the criteria of being judged as a beauty queen. So perhaps you should enlighten them. What are the criteria? Right. It's called a beauty pageant but if you wanted to crown a beautiful girl, we'd just go to Nairobi on the street, Stomboy, it has a lot of traffic, right? Maybe grab a beautiful girl and tell her, you want to be Miss Falconia? Fine, take a crown, search, go home. You won't have to organize a whole event an elaborate event with a lot of networking, with a lot of boot camps, academies, that would be very unnecessary. But beauty pageants look at more than just beauty. It's unfortunate that just because it's called beauty pageant, people just concentrate on what is beauty. And you know, the people's perception of beauty, it's very diverse and it is very relative. So you do not expect whoever is chosen to suit everybody's perception of what is beautiful. What is beautiful to me might not be beautiful to you. That is why beauty pageants look at other things. They look at your confidence. They look at your aura. They look at your catwalk. They look at the way you can speak in public. You can answer questions, your charity, how you can advocate for maybe whatever platform that you have. Those are some of the things that they look at. So there might be people who the society perceives as beautiful, but they can't talk. Yes. Do you want to crown a blonde queen? Who can't answer normal questions? Who can't answer the most basic questions about the country or themselves? Do you want that? This person is going to be an ambassador. So those are some of the things that they look like. That is why sometimes people get crowned. Beauty is the best in everything else. And in most beauty pageants, a legitimate beauty pageant out of the criteria that is looked at, beauty is the least. Yes, it is. It is the last one. And you have to have won a lot of the categories, majority of the categories for you to get it. Yes, those are the things that are most considered. So when people want to bash you just because of beauty, it doesn't make sense. That's not how it works. You tell them to go and do their research. They should go do their research. It is not just Ivy and Kavata who have experienced this. Remember, I'll keep up with all, pretty much all the beauty queens. Maglingeruto was bashed for being black. When she was crowned Miss Valkyria, remember? Yes. Then she went on a wild stage and became top 5. Yes. So guys were left there with their comb. Yes. Oh, oh, oh. You know. Back here. So these tones they throw, you build your house. Exactly. Take a step. That is what I usually tell beauty queens because they usually come to my inbox, the lake. I'm going through this. I'm like, every publicity is good publicity. Like recently Miss Masseno was really bashed and I think I really advocated for her, you know, and encourage people to speak against it. And right now brands are actually fighting for her. Yes. Like turn this around. This is your blessing. Beauty queens need exposure in order, in order for brands to recognize them, to work with them. So I told her whenever people bash you, take those tones, build something out of it. You know, yeah, that's how it should be. Well, I remember, I've just realized that I've told, I've asked you guys to tell me the comments you've received and I never told you the comments I've received. Oh. I was once told that I have bad teeth and fake hair. And what else? What else? I'm too thin. Yeah. So, yeah. And that's how I was doing Miss Daystar and for like, no, this girl doesn't deserve it. Like they wanted the girls who maybe are from wealthy backgrounds to get maybe those positions. I don't know, but I felt really bad and I constantly started to hide my forehead. I felt like, oh, maybe I should laugh a little less. You know, like maybe it's true, maybe my teeth are bad. You know, I don't know. But yeah, I get like some of these things actually, they hurt you. Yes, they hurt you. They hurt you and you subconsciously pick up on that and you become conscious of some of those things. So let's enjoy. Do you have, what was your experience? Do you have an experience? I've never run in a beauty pageant, but... So, no, I do get. Yeah, most of the time it's, yeah, too thin. They'll be like, oh, that's... Oh, you're too thin. And I'm like, that's on purpose. I'm trying to attract particular people. So there is one thing. So I've gotten that as well. I have long natural hair. I've gotten the whole... It's a dengue, you know, like the little naps on the front have been called. Ha, she has nini. Ha, hey, so kinky. What? Before the natural hair movement came in. Okay. Yeah, my hair was natural for a long time and people hated on that too. And I think my, what do you call it? I struggle with eczema. Like it's a skin tone where sometimes, particular times of the year, like now, your skin will erupt in particular areas and then maybe a month from now, it's completely clear. And so I used to get that a lot. People will be like, the hell is up with your skin? I feel so bad. How is eczema? What are we going to do about it? You know, I can't do it. Makes it taste eczema, so I understand. You understand? Yes, she has them. Yeah. It's, you just... When people are saying, I think to myself, like, if I see something negative about you, that is the last thing I'll tell you. I would want to tell you. That's the last thing. That's the last thing. That's the last thing. Unless I'm just either a bad person, number one, or I just want to hurt you. Why would I want to... Why would I say something negative to you unless I want to hurt you? Okay. But we didn't hear from... We didn't hear from Yudidwe. Oh, no, she did. The negative comments. She told us your tone. She has saggy moves. Oh, yes, my God. Yes, I did hear that. But anyway, let's talk about control. Now, what can we do about some of this? What are some of the measures that somebody, maybe who is being bullied, can take to make sure that they don't get affected? Hmm. Okay. Well, I think it's just high time that we accept that the bullies are there with us. And as we go by, like, there's nothing that is changing. So I feel that if you say, but bully, just don't take the negativity. Just turn it, like, turn it, make it like your starting point, you know, like, use it to build yourself. Because right now at this point, like, there's nothing that is changing. So I think it's just high time that we accept it is there. And so we just turn it to positivity and start it. We just build ourselves from it. Okay. Let's talk about your solutions. My solutions. For me, I got tough. I got so tough with it. Like, I used to go one by one. I got a point, I used to go one by one. Like, someone comments, you know, she's ugly and I'm like, am I really ugly? And, you know, I lost respect for these mighty people. Like, if they went somewhere and said, oh, she's ugly, I will go to their office and first them and say, you keep saying this all the time. I'm ugly. So describe. So you confront. Yeah, I love that. You be like, say it to my face. Yeah, say it to my face right now, you know, am I? And, you know, the last day, that I think what was Ziri or minister was like, no, this girl is too much, you know, you should just write her termination list. I can't take it, you know. Because you stood up for yourself. Yeah, I went there to his office and they were having a meeting and I'm like, oh, thank God I found all of you here. Oh, you said that? Yeah. I thank you again. You say this, this and this, that, you know, I'm tired. For you, you have kids, daughters. In fact, the daughter is there right now. You've seen her. She has short hair too. Can I call her ugly? I went to the chief one by one. They were there and I just said, guys, I'm just tired of this. You need to stop. You need to stop. And the following day I went to the county secretary. Like I was doing it one by one because I wanted it to stop like once. Completely. You have to take action. And they need to see I'm beautiful, you know. And I used to make sure and I go there. I'm pretty. So that when I walk out there like, oh my God, this girl, you know, but that made them got scared of me. I saw the last day when they were preventing me to crown the lady, I realized it's not because I'm actually ugly, but it's because they're not scared of me. And they're scared because when I walk up there and I crown the lady, the public will see that I'm actually pretty. I'm not ugly. So they were like, no, she cannot come here. They were just scared. And they just say, it's fine. And when I went for me, supranational, when I came back, there was a function. And all those people who call me ugly, including the tourism people, they're there. They're waiting for me to go say hi, you know. I just say, wow. I just say the same. I'm not going to give them respect. I just walked past them. I went, said hi to those people who were supporting me. And they left. I wanted to show them that I cannot be important to you people right now when I was ugly to you people before. It's not possible. You see, right now they look for me because I'm handling beautiful Africa international. And I did it on purpose when I went to give proposals to the tourism guys. I just went there and told them, this is for you to, I'm going to choose your girl. Whether I choose a beautiful one according to you or an ugly one according to you, you're going to support her. If you don't support her because you think she's ugly, I'll do it myself. I'm not going to force you as a county, you know. Can I tell you something very interesting? For somebody who's told us she's broken down so many times, she has a lot of fire, you know. She does, she does. Because of the time she was like, well, she's, she's bursting to tears. It gets to a point like you need to take, charge yourself, you know. You know, keep on crying every time because friends have gone, they're saying you're ugly. People you trust, you're ugly. You have to take charge and just focus. So for these models out here, don't cry like, because you're not ugly yourself. Let them cry. They will wake up. Wake up. I went there in international and they say, we want to give this crown to the girl who has the most beautiful body, beautiful skin. And I'm like, oh, of course it's not me. They're like Kenya. Guy. Okay. You're like, wow. So these people, they just don't realize what you go through. Once you selected you're a queen, you should just be a queen forever. I noticed that crying will not help you. Be a queen and be a queen forever. Because those who are sitting down, they're admiring to be where you are. Those men calling you ugly, they want their kids to be there. I realized that like one guy who was calling me ugly, actually he wished that the daughter was the current Miss Tourism. Wow. Oh, that's why. So he was just letting it out on you. So they're just letting it out. The other girls, they cannot be models. So they are calling you. From my friends, I realized they wanted the crown too. And now they're calling me ugly. And by the way, it's usually the ones who competition. So it's competition. These men, you see like, oh, a man can call me ugly. No. And it's because they want their people to be there, but they're not there. It's you. So just be proud and show them it's you. Let them just get used to the fact that it's you who has the crown. When you're done with it, they cannot go and fight for it. This only does not apply to beauty queens. It applies to everybody in your different walks of life and all that. That's true. It's true. You know, you said something important. I was like, hey, okay, Zawa. And I don't know if it also applies to you guys. I'd like to know that you've said that you've done something when it came to getting negative remarks. You stood up for yourself. You became stronger. Yeah. So I'd like to know for the rest, please share with me. What are some of the ways we can for our youth? This is a youth station. Do you know that a lot of people go just for like Hilda said, it's not just for beauty, beauty pageant ladies. Just people on Instagram or young girls on Instagram. You know, they go and let's say they check out a photo which has been photoshopped. It has been filtered the hell out of. But you have no idea. And they look at it and they're like, jeez, man, I don't have that waist. My legs are not like that. You know, my skin is not that smooth. All that stuff. And you know, self-esteem starts to go down. Then depression, blah, blah, blah. How can we help our young ladies when it comes to social media and cyberbullying and feeling low self-worth? Okay. I must admit I felt that way too at some point. I think it's a very common problem nowadays. Especially when the first time I was crowned, I was Miss Moore University. I was not exactly your girly girl. Yeah. I was a tomboy. So I was trying to find my way, being a pageant and you know, being a beauty queen. You know when you're a beauty queen, people expect you to be fashionable, with this glamorous life to be on point all the time. All the time. I hate makeup. I still do. And I only do it when I really have to. But you know, this one time I actually left after, I left my room back in school without makeup. It was around seven. It was around one, one, not seven. And people are like, Audrey, are you sick? Are you okay? Have you just woken up? And I'm like, God, I just can't walk around without makeup in the streets. So for a long time I was walking around egg shells. You know, sometimes I wouldn't go to class because I was feeling like, my outfit is not good enough, you know. And people are looking at me and they really want to see something glamorous. I think girls should be real. We should learn to be real. And young girls, we should emphasize to them that the lives that they see on social media, it's nothing. It is a facade, you know. It's not the truth. And we've heard the celebrities say even more than once that these things are to see on social media. It's not true. So like on Wednesday, Kavata and I will be holding a talk about sex education and mental health because we realize these girls need to hear from us. We need to hear from the horses. More people have been through it before. So through talks, through empowerment, through workshops, through seminars, I think we'll finally get the message across. Amazing. It's about time we wind up the segment ladies. So I want some quick patting shots. Quick, quick, quick ones. No stories. Just patting shots. Just one liners. Yes. Okay, so for me, I think for the beauty queens who have been affected by Saber bullies, it's just high time that you just straighten your crown and walk your walk. Yeah. Straighten your crown and walk your walk. Yes, walk your walk. I like that. Mm-hmm. Hey, let's go to the next one. Okay, for the beauty queens who are undergoing Saber bullying, it's high time you stood for yourself. Like one thing I know for you to have that crown, you're beautiful. So it's high time you use that crown and you're rain well. Don't focus on the Saber bullying side. Okay. And I need people to understand that Saber bullying is a projection of the person who's bullying you. They're insecure. They're heart people. Heart people. Heart people. So the moment you see somebody coming for you, just be thankful you're not them. Yeah. This is true. All right. Thank you very much for your comments. I've seen a lot of power comments. Power comments coming through. And you've really impressed me. Anyways. Wait, not that you haven't. Anyways, my name is Hilda Wadibi and please do not go anywhere. There's something very special happening at J-Quart today when it comes to the Kenya Deposit Insurance Corporation. And yes, it's about time to save. To save in the form, you know, and make sure that your savings are protected. So make sure you catch up with Y-2-5-4 channel. We are going to be having a lot of fun. It's about time we take a break and then we can allow one barrimosa to come back here. Come back here. The ladies are not going anywhere. They come back here and continue with the fun part. Yes. This has been the serious segment. But you guys, you know, this is Social Friday and being social means you also, yeah, a little bit of seriousness, a little bit of fun. So the serious bit is done. Do stay tuned. Like she said, Barry's coming. They're going to have some fun, a couple of games. And like we said, continue for us on social media. Social media. Hey, social media. Today it has refused so that you can understand the whole KDIC story and the saving for you and then what we're doing. Yes.