 The Grape Nuts Flakes Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Here's your chance to join the NMLF for Breakfast Club. Now you do it this way. The NMLF for Breakfast Club means no more long faces for breakfast. And the way to avoid them is to serve plenty of delicious toasty brown Grape Nuts Flakes. The breakfast treat that helps to start your day off with a smile. Yes, it's that moldy rich flavor that does it. Your favorite Grape Nuts flavor in crisp, tempting toasty flake form. A flavor that's been tops of breakfast for well over four decades now. So start them smiling at breakfast and keep them smiling at work with delicious moldy rich Grape Nuts Flakes. Ladies and gentlemen, once again we bring you our genial master of ceremonies, a man who... Hold it, Don. Hold it. I'm not appearing on this program tonight until Mary Livingston and Phil Harris get out of the studio. What? You heard me, big boy. I'm not going to associate with those two smart alleys. Oh, lay off, Jackson. You're too big a guy to hold a grudge. Listen, I can hold a grudge longer than anybody you ever knew, tWitchHip. Now get away from me or I'll kick you. You do, and you can turn your bridge work into the scrap drive. I can, eh? Oh, calm down, Jack. We both told you we were sorry. Listen, Mary, every time you get me into a jam, you're sorry. If you were a man, I'd ask you to step out in the alley. For you, an alley is stepping out. That's so. For heaven's sake, what's going on here? Jack, why are you so angry with Mary and Phil? Shall I tell him Phil? Sure, why not? Well, I'm not going to hear it. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Where are you going? Across the street to the tropics for a zombie. Do you mean the drink or is your girl meeting you there? I mean the drink. Goodbye. Gee, Mary, a zombie's a pretty tough drink for a guy like Jackson, ain't it? Ah, he doesn't drink them. He just ties a knot in the straw, yells whoopie, and passes out when the check comes. But no kidding. He's really mad this time. Well, tell me, Mary, what's this all about? Well, last Friday, Jack called up and asked me if I wanted to go over to Warner Brothers Theatre and see a preview of his new picture, George Washington Slept Here. Yes, but why is he mad at you and Phil? I'm coming to that. Jack told me to be at his house about 3.30, and he dragged me to Hollywood in the horse and buggy. He hadn't had his nag out in traffic before, and he wanted to see how she's behaved. Whoa, Leona, whoa. A Rochester. Rochester's the buggy all greased. I'm finishing it up now, boss. Good. Put on your old gray bonnet with the blue ribbononet. And we'll hit all Leona to the shape. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Through the fields of clover, we will ride to Dover on our golden wedding. Leona, whoa, girl. She's hungry. She's hungry? Well, I'm taking care of her now. One, two, three, four, five. Don't count those old boys. Just dump them in. Overfeed Leona. She'll lose her beautiful figure. Leona, take your hoof off your hip. She's so vain. But she is a fine-looking animal, isn't she, Rochester? Would that sway back? No, her back isn't so swayed. Then how come when you sit on her, you can't see over her head? Well, peek around. She isn't a saddle horse, anyway. You know, I don't like the way Leona favors that right leg. I think I'll rub it down. Where's the horse liniment, Rochester? What? The horse liniment. Where is it? Right there in that big brown bottle, but I think it's empty. Empty? That liniment bottle is empty? Don't look at me, boss. I ain't touching any of that stuff since Provision. Oh, no. Well, somebody's been hitting this bottle. I'm going to find out who it is. That liniment is powerful stuff. She's really going to have a hangover. Shall I fix her a bucket of brommos? No, just put some sense in her oats and let's get going. Now, Rochester, I'll put the bridal on and you take care of the other end. Get the harness. Okay. Now, hold still, Leona. Hold still while I put this nice bridal on you. Don't back up. I got her. Here, Leona. Here. Leona, stop kissing me. So darn affectionate. How are you making out with the harness, Rochester? I'm all tangled up, boss. She's got her front legs crossed. Well, uncross them. Here, I'll help you. You pull the left leg and I'll pull the right. Together now. Go. Had enough of you. Maybe we can sell her to WC Fields. Never mind. Leona, get up. All right, sister. You ask for it. Get the jack, Rochester. It's right there in the buggy. Okay. And no need of winking at me, Leona. You're getting up off that floor. Here's the boss jack. Here's the jack, boss. Some of that liniment, too, brother. Rochester, put that jack under her stomach. There. We'll be ready in a minute. Well, for heaven's sake, what are you doing? What do you think we're doing? We're jacking up Leona. Has she got a flash? No, she fell down, that's all. There, she's up now. We'll be ready to leave for the movie in a few minutes, Mary. I want to get there before six o'clock. Why so early? Leona's going to a cocktail party. She is not. Say, Mary, I bet you can hardly wait to see my new picture. You know, they say it's one of the finest things I've ever done. Who's they? They, they, the New York critics. Their reviews were simply wonderful. Oh, yes. I saw them on the bulletin board in front of your house. Well, there are a lot of hi-hat picture stars around this neighborhood, and I think they ought to see them. By the way, was there anyone looking at the board when you came in? Just a couple of blue jays, but how often do they go to a movie? Well, let's get going. Hop in the buggy, Mary. Watch out now. Don't hit your head on the canopy. Oh, fine. I feel like a Floridora girl. That was a pretty swanky buggy, if that's what you mean. Swanky? That Chelsea's Market painted on the side. You can barely see it. Touch that up a little in the morning, Rochester. Everybody set? Yeah. Let's go. Get up, Leona. Where's that jingle, jingle, jingle? He don't measure no mold from heads to toes, and he do's from 15 chins and a line of chives. He's a mellow cat, a real heft fat. He'd be Mr. Five by Five. That man can really jump it for a fat man. The only trouble is there's no way of knowing whether he's coming on or going Mr. Five by Five. He's slightly plump on the solid side. He don't shake it no mold from head to toe, then he do's from side to side. For a fat man, the only trouble is there's no way of knowing whether he's coming on or going Mr. Five by Five. Slightly plump on the solid side. He don't shake it no mold from head to toe, then he do's, then he do's from side to side. Hey, that off my Maxwell. Well, listen so bad, eh, Mary? An hour and a half we're almost in Hollywood. I bet old man Schultz used to make it in an hour and with a load of fish besides. He had a meat market, Schultz's meat market. Hold her back a little, Rochester. I don't like the way Leona keeps stumbling. That's your fault, boss. I told you not to put high heels on her shoes. They're not so high. See, isn't that Dennis walking along there? Where? Coming out of that flower shop. Oh, Dennis! Dennis! Hello, Mr. Benny. Pull up here, Rochester. Oh, Leona, still full of linemen. Where you going, Dennis? Over to Dorothy Lamour's house. Hmm, still going with Lamour. I can't understand it. So you have a date with her, eh, kid? Yeah, I just bought her a geranium to wear on her dress. A geranium? Listen, Dennis, when a young man takes a flower to his girl, it should be an orchid. I'm dumb. I can get away with murder. You've got something there. Where are you and Dorothy going, Dennis? What a night! I got a rowboat reserved at Westlake Park. Hmm, a rowboat. In that case, a geranium is overdoing us. Say, Dennis, we're just going to see a preview of my new picture, George Washington Slept Here. Would you like to come along? Well, I promised Dorothy I'd be over early. You can see her later. Now you hop in this buggy, kid. You're going to the show with us. What, Mr. Benny? There'll be no buts about it. According to the loyalty clause in your contract, you've got to see my picture. Now hop in. Okay. Get going, Rochester. Yeah, Leona! Stop frowning, Dennis. You don't have to pout, either. Well, I want to go rowing in the park with Dorothy tonight. You can go rowing tomorrow. But I already took my seasick pills. Well, you'll be all set. There's a big rain scene in my picture. Pull up, Rochester. There's a red light ahead. Whoa, Leona! I can't get over it. How Dorothy Lamour can go out with Dennis after she turned me down, I'll never know. Well, for one thing, Jack, Dennis is young and cute. Well, I'm cute, too. He's not bad-looking. Well, I'm not bad-looking, either. And when you dance with him, he doesn't grab a hold of your shoulder straps like they were on a streetcar. I don't grab a hold either, only when I'm whirling. Well, get going, Rochester. There's the bell. Get me up, Leona. Get me up! Why is he moving? What's the matter with her? I'll take a look, boss. Doc, don't you've got her legs crossed again. Oh, for Pete's sake! Well, I'm tangling. We're blocking traffic. I can't do it alone, boss. All right. I'll get out and help you. Come on. Come on. Get going there. Okay, Rochester, together now. One, two... Oh, honey, we're blocking traffic. Get the jack again, Rochester. Here you are, boss. Thanks. That ought to get her up. Who's coming? Oh, fine. Well, what's going on here? Oh, are you a policeman? No. No, I'm just wearing this star because I've been a good boy this week. Ah, very clever. Well, start talking, buddy. What's going on here? Well... Now, look, here's what... When you see, officer, my horse has a habit of laying down on the street. Laying down in the street? Yes, sir. That's lying down. Lying. Okay, lying. Here's a ticket for blocking traffic. Okay, okay. And here's another one for using bad English. Now, wait a minute, officer. You can't give me a ticket for using bad English. It don't make sense. It doesn't make sense. All right, it doesn't make sense. It's not right. Rochester, start with that jack. Leona's feet are way up off the ground. Now, put her down. Do as I tell you. Sorry, officer. We'll be on our way in a minute. When do I have to be in court? First thing Monday morning, right after you have your grapes nuts flake. That's grape nuts flake, Smarty. Let's go, Rochester. You're the only one. Imagine giving me a ticket for using bad English. I don't like it. You doesn't like it. No, go smell your geranium. First place, there's nothing wrong with my English. There is, too. Even Fred Allen mentioned it last week. Oh, is he speaking English now? What does Allen know about English? He knows plenty. He used to be on a couple of newspapers. He was on a lot of newspapers. He slept on them in Central Park. And I know. You should. Remember the time he pulled the funnies off your chest and you got pneumonia? I've hated him ever since. What a guy. Just the same, Mr. Benny. Fred Allen is very clever. Only as a ventriloquist. He moves his mouth while his nose does the talking. So much for dull but prominent people. This is in that window there, aren't they adorable? Oh, I wouldn't be seen. Oh, for you. Oh, yeah, they're pretty good looking. Now stop the buggy, Rochester. I want to get out. Okay, Miss Limson. Whoa, Leona. Leona, put your hind feet down. Now listen, Mary, you haven't time to buy any dresses now. It's almost six o'clock. Well, why do we have to get to the theater before six? Well... Oh, that's right. The prices change. That's not the reason. I'm not rushing to the theater because I'm worried about the prices changing. Then why have you and Rochester both got whips? They came with the buggy. Schultz used to beat his wife with the extra one. Well, anyway, the theater's only a block away. I'll be there before you are. Don't be late. That's all. It's 20 to six already. Step on it, Rochester. Get me out, Leona. 10 minutes to six and Mary isn't here yet. I was going to look at her dress and meet me here in front of the theater. There's a woman for you. There's a woman. Where, Mr. Benny? I'm talking about Mary. Any man who has to get someplace in a hurry and takes a woman with him ought to have his head examined. My brother went on a honeymoon in a hurry and he took a woman with him. Well, naturally, Mary doesn't get here before six. Oh, Rochester, here I am. Well, I parked the horse and buggy, boys. That's 50 cents you owe me. 50 cents? It only costs a quarter on that parking lot. I know, but Leona's switched out across two spaces. Laying down. Lying down again, eh? Well, get the jack, Rochester. Get the jack. Get the jack. Next time she lays down, I'm going to give her a hot hook. Do as I tell you. Hmm. Mary isn't here yet. Eight minutes to six and then the prices change. My watch says nine minutes to six. It does? Oh, yeah. Let me have it, kid. You may need it in case of an argument. That's a woman for you. Have to go and look at a dress. Say, Mr. Benny, here comes Don Wilson. Oh, yes. Why has he got that muffler wrapped around his face? Hello, Don. Where are you going? On the way to the desk, Jack. I got awful toothache. A toothache? I hope I'm all right for sure. When I tell folks about those toasty brown sweets and that greatness flake in a big 12-ounce economy size package. Say, Don, my picture is having a preview here tonight. How would you like to come in and see it? I'd love to, Jack, but just do this still on me. I'll see you there. Now, just a minute there, Don Wilson. If you read your contract closely, look at that clause on page 87. It says, I hereby promise to attend all previews and first showings of Jack Benny's pictures. And furthermore, promise to whistle, cheer, and applaud on cue for the first showings on cue from the party of the first part. Now, you know it's in there. Well, Jack, how can I whistle with a toothache? You can stomp your feet. Now, get up there and buy a ticket. Okay, Jack. I'll do the best I can. You're better. Can I go with him, Mr. Benny? Yes, yes. And save a couple of extra seats. I want our little cheering section to be all together. See you inside. Okay. Wow, what a picture. That Benny's a scream. Not yet. Okay, get inside. That kid's got too much pep. I'll have to get him to donate another pint of blood to the Red Cross. Five minutes to six. Well, I'm not waiting for Mary. I'm going to buy a ticket right now. Just a minute there, buddy. Get in line. But I'm Jack. Oh, he wouldn't believe me. They never do. I'll get in line here. Hiya, Jackson. Look who I brung to see your picture. Oh, it's a baby. Three minutes to six. Phil, hold my place in line. I got to go and get Mary. Sorry, you'll have to keep your own place, Mr. Oh, all right. Will you stop pushing me, you fresh old man? I'm not fresh. Somebody behind me is pushing. Here, Phil, I'll hold the baby. You run and get Mary. She's in the little dress shop right across the street. Okay, Jackson, but hold her tight now. Okay. And hurry. There, there. Remember me, honey? It's your Uncle Jackie. She's as nervous as I am. Oh, pardon me, madam. Will you please stop pushing me, you brute? I'm not a brute. Then what have you got that whip for? I forgot to leave it in my buggy. I just want to know what time it is. I can't see my watch with this baby in my arms. It's one minute to six. One minute to six? Gosh, only 60 seconds and the, and the prices change. Hmm, what's keeping Phil? Where's Mary? She couldn't wait till tomorrow. She had to buy a dress now. How much time we got, madam? 45 seconds. 45 seconds and the prices change. Hmm. She couldn't wait. What time is it now, madam? 30 seconds. 30 seconds to go. Hmm. The tickets cost 21 cents more after six. 21 times four. No, 21 times three. The baby's under 21. I mean under 12. What, what, what's it now, madam? 15 seconds. 15 seconds. Thank heaven there's only one person in front of me. Hurry up, madam. Buy your ticket. How many, please? Just one. Oh, hello, Mamie. You're mine. How she is. Buy your ticket. Good. Now it's my turn. How many, sir? I'll have three seats on the... Well, I was in line anyway. I'll have three seats to 44 cents, please. I'm sorry, sir. The seats just went up to 65. I've been standing here for 15 minutes ready to buy a ticket. Now here's my money. Give me those tickets. I'll get you again. What are you up to now? This is my affair, officer. Get moving, buddy. Get moving. You're not scaring me. Hold this baby and I'll punch you right in the nose. Oh, you will, eh? Oh, my goodness. Come on. Stop crying, sweetheart. Now buy us some ice cream. I'll see my picture 40 or 50 times anyway. Come on. The last time you went without breakfast, that awful let down that you felt, that should have taught you a lesson, that you can't do your best work unless you feel well. And to feel well, you must be well fed. Now, to profit from that little lesson, you might resolve to do just this. See that you take on a nourishing breakfast before you take on your work. And make sure that nourishing breakfast includes delicious, multi-rich grape nut flakes. Grape nut flakes, you know, are a whole grain cereal. This means they bring you important vitamins of the vital food factors all of us need. Yes, grape nut flakes provide iron, niacin, and a generous supply of the essential nerve and energy vitamin B1. So remember, for a full speed ahead breakfast that really stays with you, ask your grocer for delicious, toasty brown grape nut flakes in the 12-ounce economy-sized package. That was the last number of the eighth program in the new Grape Nuts Flakes series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Say, Jack, I heard at Eddie Cantor announced that you're going to be on his program this Wednesday. That's right. I've accepted an engagement there. Well, haven't you heard about that new wage ceiling? Who gets money from Candor? Good night, folks. The next minute program is written by Bill Morrow and Ed Beloy. Friends, if you like the multi-rich goodness of toasty brown grape nut flakes, you'll like delicious hot grape nut sweet meal, the new hot cereal member of the Grape Nuts family. Hot Grape Nuts Sweet Meal is rich with the flavor of fresh roasted wheat, chopped full of health-building whole grain food values, including iron, niacin, and extra vitamin B1. And it cooks to heartwarming, thrifty perfection in three minutes flat. Try hot Grape Nuts Sweet Meal tomorrow. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.