 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. You know, friends, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is... Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky Strike means, lime tobacco, Richard's tasting, lime tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. This is Don Wilson. You know, your enjoyment of a cigarette depends on its taste. That's true, friends. Smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. The fact of the matter is... Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Now, there are two mighty good reasons for that. The first one you already know. LS, MFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Light, naturally mild, good tasting tobacco. And second, Lucky's are made to taste better. Made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. So, friends, if you want all the real deep-down smoking enjoyment you can get from a cigarette, be happy. Go lucky. Because smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is... Lucky's taste better. Next time, ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, and yours truly, Donwells. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Benny's first radio broadcast of the season. Immediately after, he'll do his opening television show over the CBS network. But now, we'd like to take you back to a Friday morning several weeks ago and look in on Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills. Summer time! Sure is true. It's easy living in the summer. I've been sleeping late every morning, going to the beach in the afternoon, spending the weekends, fishing with my friends. Mmm! I wish Mr. Benny would come back from his vacation so I could go on my... American Van and Moving Company. Moving Company? Yeah. Isn't this, uh, Ronald Coleman's house? No! Moving them today. Well, they live next door. The house on the right. Thanks. Go ahead, Joe. Let's go get the stuff. Mr. Benny in over two weeks. And then all he sent me was a postcard. He said he was invited to a big luau and had a wonderful time. I didn't know what luau meant, so I looked it up. It's a Hawaiian word, meaning stuff yourself. The food is free. Now, we're from the Beacons Van and Storage Company. Oh, you... Well, we're not looking for Mr. Coleman. We're here to move Mr. and Mrs. James' storage. Oh, the storage! They live in the brick house, the one on the left. Thank you. For a change. It's a good idea going to dinner. See if that needs straightening up. Show for two years now. I wonder about a... Van and Storage Company, and we're here to move Mr. and Mrs. William Powell. William Powell? Well, he doesn't have to be here for that. I'll send it over. You seem so surprised that I'm back. Someone would tell you. I wrote to a lot of people that I'd be home today. Who did you write to? The Coleman's, the Stewart's, and the Powell's. They got my letters. Help me inside with my bags. Rochester, did any of my cast get here yet? No, were you expecting them? Yeah, I called them when I got off the boat and told them to come here for an important meeting. Now, Rochester, take my small suitcase up to my room. What about the two large ones? Oh, they're filled with dirty laundry. You better wash and iron it right away. Yes, sir. And when you're done, I'll give you the names of the people in Hawaii you're to send it back. Yes. And you better wash the skirts by hand. That grass can stop up the bending. Rochester, put some check. There's the door. I'll get it. She'll be good getting back on the air. I always get such a thrill out of the first check. And program. Coming. Coming. Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, Dana. Well, seeing you again. You know, you're the first member of my cast I've seen since we went off the air in June. And gosh, it's funny, Dennis. At the end of every season, we all go our separate ways and then as the summer wears on, I begin to realize how much I miss the gang. So when I opened the door and saw you here, gave me such a warm feeling of... Get it over with. I'm a busy man. You haven't seen me for three months. Then you don't even ask me about my trip. Where are you going? I just got back. I was in Hawaii for three weeks. Hawaii? Boy, I'd like to go there sometime. What's it like, Mr. Benny? Dennis, Honolulu is one of the most beautiful spots in the world. You ought to feel the soft, warm sand on the beach. Get it over with. I'm a busy man. Look, you asked me to tell you about it. I just got home. I'm not going to stand here and let you annoy me. Say, does the rest of the gang know you back yet? Yes, I phoned them from this morning. You know, this morning from the dock there. From the dock? Yeah. Oh, then you just got back today. Yes, yes, on the luraline. How was the boat trip? The boat trip? Uh-huh. Dennis, I can't tell you what I'm... Get it over with. I'm a busy man. The rest of the gang haven't arrived yet. Let me hear the song you're going to do on the first program. Yes, sir. That kid is the only one I know who can undo a three-month rest in two minutes. You'd pick up the tempo a bit, you see, and hold the finish just a little bit longer. Well, my mother likes it this way. Oh, she does, eh? Well, what is your mother, an old-bought music? Lenny, Liberace couldn't get along without her. What does she do for him? Before every show, she waxes his teeth. A friendly, credit band leader. Now, Dennis, as long as we're... Dennis, you stay right here while I answer the door. I'll face. Let me look at you. You look wonderful. Oh, thanks. Dennis is here, isn't he? Yes, how did you know? You look awful. It didn't take two minutes. Mary, it's sure good to see you. Come here, I'm going to give you a big kiss. Oh, Jack. No, no, come here. Let me kiss you. All right. There. How is that? It'll never make the Kinsey report. Back from Las Vegas. Last week? Hey, I didn't know you went up to Vegas. Did you enjoy yourself? Uh-huh. I went to Palm Springs this summer. Palm Springs? In the summer? Don't get into any silly routines with Dennis. I forgot. Anyway, Jack, I had a good time in Vegas. Yeah, it certainly is an exciting town, Las Vegas. Gosh, I've been there a lot of times. In fact, I even lost some money gambling. I know. It was on a slot machine in the Flamingo. The third one from the ride is you enter the casino. That's right, Mary. How did you know? They have a little plaque there that reads, Jack Benny fainted here. I don't care. It's good publicity. Anyway, Mary, I got to tell you and the gang about the wonderful time I had in Hawaii. I spent the summer in Palm Springs. Dennis, why... Wait a minute, Mary. Mary, don't you ask them. I'll do it. Me, he's already made a record. Dennis, you spent the summer in Palm Springs? Uh-huh, and I had a swell time. Look at... I don't know. Well, all right. Look, how can you possibly enjoy yourself in Palm Springs and all that heat? In the summer, it gets to be 120 degrees in the shade. I was smart. I didn't stay in the shade. See what I do to myself? Mary, that proves I love you, doesn't it? Well, if you really love me, get me a cold drink. Will you please? I'm thirsty. Okay, Mary, what do you want? Ginger ale, be all right. Okay, Rochester. Yes, boss? Will you please bring this livings in a glass of ginger ale? I'm sorry, but we haven't got any. We haven't? Look, when I left for Hawaii, we had three cases of ginger ale. Well, it's all gone now. Rochester, tell me the truth. Do you have a party here while I was going? Well, yes, boss, in July. What date in July? Just July. Look, Rochester, I don't mind you having a little... Come in. Rochester, look, I don't mind you having a little party while I'm gone, but then when you take advantage of... Hello, Jack. Hi, everybody. Oh, hello. It's been nice to see you. Did you have a nice vacation? I sure did. Glad to hear it, Don. Where'd you spend your summer? In the Brown Derby. Three months in a restaurant? Oh, no, no, no, Jack. There's a little summer resort way up north known as the Brown Derby. It's a wonderful place. Oh, oh, oh. Lovely climate, great fishing and swimming. Oh, and by the way, Marilyn Monroe was up there. How's the scenery? You know, it's funny that you mentioned her, Don. You know, Marilyn Monroe was going to be on my television show. She is? Yeah. Well, I saw her picture in the newspaper and she had her leg in the cast. I understand she broke her ankle. She tried everything, but Jack's holding her to her contract. Mary, she's going to be on my program because she wants to, and she's going to be wonderful on it. You know, I saw her and Jane Russell and gentlemen prefer blondes and they were terrific. Where did you see that picture? In Palm Springs. That day it was 130 in the shade. Well, Jack, one of the hit songs from that picture is Diamonds are a girl's best friend and that's going to be our commercial on the program. Wait a minute, Don. The sportsman quartet would sound silly doing that number. That song should be done by girls. Oh, I know. That's why I brought their wives over. I want you to hear it first. Oh, the sportsman's wives? Yeah, I'll get them, Jack. They're right outside. Oh. Oh, girls, come on in. I must congratulate you on such a great idea. Well, thanks, Jack. Say, Jack, now that we're all here, what'd you call us over for? We're not all here. Bob Crosby is late. I wish he'd get here so we can get this over with. I'm a busy man. Dennis, we know all about how busy you are with your own TV show and your records and movies. Besides that, this summer I started raising tropical fish. Tropical fish? Say, that's a nice hobby. Yeah, they're delicious. Mary, when are you going to learn? Hi, Jack. Hi, Jack. Hello, everybody. Hey, it's Bob Crook. The door was open so I just walked in. Well, we've been here waiting for you so we can have our little meeting. You know, kids, Bob was in Honolulu while I was there. I didn't know that, Bob. Did you go alone? Oh, no. I took my wife and my five kids and nursed for the baby in a cook and a maid. Did you go on the lure line, too? Oh, yes, Don. It was exciting, especially as we were landing in Honolulu. My whole family and all of our help lined up at the boat rail and we sang, and we brought to the people on the dock. Wait a minute, Bob. The people on the dock are supposed to sing to you. Well, I know, but we outnumbered them. Oh, I see. Jack, you said when Bob got here, you'd tell us what this meeting was all about. Now, what is it? Well, now, look, kids, we're about to start a new season, and naturally, we all wanted to start off big. So I got in touch with my publicity man, Steve Bradley. He told me to have the whole cast here this afternoon. He's going to take a lot of pictures. Oh, that's swell. And that reminds me, Bob, you better get all the boys in your band together because we'll want some pictures of them, too. Oh, but that might be kind of tough getting all of them. Why? Well, during the summer, they've taken other jobs. Oh. In fact, Frankie Remley formed his own orchestra and is appearing every night at the Cinegrill in the Hollywood Roosevelt. No kidding. Frankie Remley's got his own orchestra. Well, good for Frankie at the cinema. Did he get a good deal? Oh, certainly. He had a smart agent. All the men in his band get scaled, but Frankie signed for $60 a week and all the drinks he wanted. Gosh. Yeah, but the second week, the hotel changed that to no drinks and a thousand bucks a week. I knew they'd find out sooner or later. So Frankie's working at the Cinegrill. What does he call his orchestra? Well, on the marquee, he builds himself Frankie Remley and my six convicts. I bet they play the sweetest music this side of the Chino Honor Farm. You know, kids, some night, let's all go down there with... Come in. Hello, hello, hello, hello, everybody. Hello, Benny. Hiya, Steve. Hey, it's good to see you. No time for chatter. We've got to get this publicity campaign rolling. Now, Benny, first, we're going to get a picture of you giving a waiter a $5 tip. What? Stage money, stage money. Oh. Oh. Now, Mary, I've got a sympathetic angle for you. We'll show you selling stockings at the Bay Company. Hey, that's great. You know, that's her old job. What do you mean, old job? That's what I did this summer. You're kidding. Say, Steve, have you got anything planned for Bob Crosby and Dennis Day? Have I? I've got a stunt for Crosby here that'll have his name in newspapers from coast to coast. Hey, that's great. What do I do? You're going to sue the city where you were born, Spokane, Washington, for $10 million. Sue them? What for? You're going to claim they mixed up your birth certificate. You're really Bing, and Bing is you. Wait a minute, Steve. What about my mother? Well, sue her, too. You got mine for me. Oh, Dennis, boy, you're a cinch. I have an idea that'll make you the most talked of person in the country overnight. Yeah, yeah. What do I have to do? I'm going to commit suicide. Suicide? But I've got to find some novel way for him to do it. Maybe I could eat nothing but chlorophyll and green myself to death. Well, I did. Kid, we'll save it for St. Patrick's Day. Steve, now we've got to get some publicity pictures. I've got my photographer waiting out in the hall. Oh, Frank, you're the photographer? Well, what do you think I am holding up this flashball, but low worm? Let's get moving. First he'll take some pictures of Benny and I'll watch it and make it look real good. Challenge three, Smith Coda. Well, I finished focusing. Now hold still. Do you want me to smile? You don't have to. I'll get your teeth anyway. This is an X-ray camera. X-ray? Do you want to make any bones about it? No. Well, Steve, how many times I told you I don't want this photographer to take pictures of me? Can't understand that, Benny. You're the only star at CBS who has trouble with it. It's your own fault, Jack. You antagonize me. I do not. You do too. Enough out of you. Don't raise your voice to me. This is my house. I'll do whatever I want. Oh, no. Out and take that photographer with you. Okay, Benny, but you're throwing away your future. He had his future 20 years ago. Rochester, fix me something to eat, will you? Yes, sir. I don't know. My first day home, all I have is trouble, trouble, trouble. I know, boss, but it's sure good to have you back. Thanks, Rochester. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be back in a minute to tell you all about my television show, which follows this program. But first, a word to cigarette smokers. Smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is... Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky's strike means, Mine's tobacco, Richard's tasting. Mine's tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's strike. This is Don Wilson, friends, to tell you that Lucky's win again. That's right. Lucky's win again in a national smoking survey among college students. Last year, a survey was made in leading colleges throughout the country, which showed that smokers in those colleges preferred Lucky's to any other cigarette. This year, another nationwide survey was made. A representative survey of all students in regular colleges from coast to coast. Based on thousands of actual student interviews, this survey shows that Lucky's lead again, lead over all other brands, regular or king size, and by a wide margin. The number one reason this year is last, Lucky's better taste. Yes, Lucky's do taste better. First, because they're made of light, naturally mild, good tasting tobacco. LS, MFT, Lucky's strike means fine tobacco. And then, Lucky's are made better. Made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely, smoke evenly. Actually made to taste better. After all, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. So be happy, go Lucky. Get better taste with a carton of Lucky's. Be happy, go Lucky. Get better taste today. Ladies and gentlemen, in 30 seconds I'll be doing my first television show and I'm having Marilyn Monroe as my guest star through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox, producers of The Robe, which will soon be released in their new process, CinemaScope. Now the television studio is six miles from this radio studio, and as I said, I only have 30 seconds. You say it's impossible to go six miles in 30 seconds. Believe me, with Marilyn Monroe waiting, I can make it. See you in 30 seconds. The Jack Benny show was written by Sam Perrin, Milk Ghost of Bird, George Baldwin, John Cacaberry, Hal Golden and Al Gordon, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Martin. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is the CDS Radio Network. And KNX Los Angeles, where there's good dancing with the Hollywood Roosevelt Orchestra at 11.15 tonight.