 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, Life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Pasquale. You know, friends, Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum is a typically-American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically-American radio program. A friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of Wrigley Spearman Gum are glad to bring you Life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant, half-hours transcribed entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letters. He writes about his adventures in America to his mama basco in Italy. Dear mamma mia, you're not gonna believe this, but I'm in America only a year and a half, and already I'm rich. That's right, I'm gonna get $100. Mamma mia, I bet you're wondering how I'm gonna get the $100 so fast. Well, that's because I'm gonna learn how to run my antique shop like a real big American business. This week I'm running a different sale every day. Monday was a penny sale. Then a Tuesday was an inventory sale. Wednesday was a middle of month sale. Thursday was a clearance sale. And on Friday, my first customer is a walk-in. He's an old by nothing, but on a Saturday, Chamber of Commerce is giving me a $100 prize for being the most enterprising businessman on the North Hollywood Street. So you see, mamma mia, I'm learning the good. And I'm gonna get a big deal on it now. Yesterday, I'm receiving a letter from a big antique wholesaler, Mr. Morgan, in Buffalo, New York. He's gonna say he's like a letter, I'm gonna write to him. And maybe he's gonna ship me lots of new stuff and a con assignment. A con assignment to mamma mia means I'm gonna pay cash to Mr. Morgan. And he's gonna get a paid until I'm a seller. And if I'm a no seller, he's gonna get and I'm gonna pay and everything is back in a Buffalo. But it's a bigger chance for me. And I'm so excited. I'm a hardly kind of waiter to tell my night school class. Oh, it's wonderful to be big American, a big business man. America, I love you. You're like a papa to me, from ocean to ocean. That's all I chose. All right, class, let's come to order, please. Please, I'll call the roll. Mr. Baskov. Present. Mr. Harwood. Present. Mr. Olsen. Present. Mr. Schultz. Oh, such an obvious question. Oh, thank you, fellow publics. No smile, everybody, and you too, Miss Spaulding. After all, if I wasn't here, what would I say? Absent? Mr. Schultz. Present. Thank you. Now, class, today in our grammar lesson, we're going to study some adjectives. And who will tell us what an adjective is? Mr. Harwood. With pleasure. An adjective, um, let me see. Well, suppose you give us a sentence using an adjective. A good idea. John was crazy about adjectives. Mr. Harwood, I didn't hear an adjective in that sentence. I could have sworn I said it. Mr. Basko, will you give us a sentence using an adjective? Sure. If a Mr. Morgana sends me all those antiques on a consignment, then I'm going to get a chance to make a profit. Well, um, now, Mr. Basko, to use an adjective, suppose you describe those antiques. I'm a canter, Miss Spaulding. I didn't receive them yet. You see, it's up to this, Mr. Morgana. Please, wait a minute. Would you, Mr. Basko? Uh, Mr. Schultz, you had your mouth open. Any reason? Me and my big mouth. I will accept that, big as the adjective describing mouth. On my lucky days, I can't do anything wrong. Now try it again. First, select a noun. All right. What is the noun? Lana Turner. Mr. Schultz, you selected a proper noun. Miss Spaulding, what other kind did you think I would select? Well, all right, Lana Turner. Now use some adjectives to describe her. Uh, uh, me and my big mouth. Miss Spaulding, we seem to be experiencing some difficulty obtaining the proper answer to your question today. If you don't mind, I should be happy to supply all the information needed. There he goes, Sweden's answer to the word almanac. Would you be quiet, Mr. Schultz? Mr. Olsen, please, would you help me out? Yeah. In the sentence, Mary had a little lamb. Little is the adjective because it describes the noun lamb. That's perfect. Now, Mr. Schultz, referring to Mary's lamb, what can you think of? Lamb shops. Mr. Schultz, anybody could do better than that. Mr. Horowitz, could you agree with Mr. Schultz? Never. Thank you. In my family, we prefer leg of lamb. Oh, no, no. No, no. Mr. Baskow? Well, if a Mr. Morgan is sending me the kind of assignment from a buffalo... Oh, goodness, no. Mr. Baskow, can't you get your mind off that consignment from Buffalo? It's a hard one, Miss Spaulding. You see, that's my first and biggest chance to make a lot of money. Well, big business. Luigi, I'm glad to hear about it. Good luck. Luigi, tell us more about your big deal. Yeah, yeah. When are the antiques coming in? We might want to buy something. Oh, thank you, friends, but I'm not going to get the antiques yet. You see, we're just the right in it to each other. First, here's a guy a bit convinced I'm the right to manage to send him a tool. But Luigi, what are you waiting for? Why don't you can win them yourself? Huh? That's a good idea, Mr. Baskow. Don't wait. Go there and close the deal. Your buffalo is only 500 miles away, Luigi. You could fly out, see Mr. Morgan, and get the antiques like that. They're right, Luigi. In America, there'd be a big success. You got to act fast. But I'm a never flyer before. Actually, Luigi, you don't fly. They got airplanes for that. Well, I don't know. Mr. Baskow, why don't you take the train? It's a very enjoyable overnight ride, and you'll combine business with pleasure. A trainer, either? I'm gonna never go for a bigger trainer, either, by myself. Yeah, I think I'm gonna do that. I see Mr. Morgan make a bigger deal like a really bigger business, man. That's right, Luigi. And from Buffalo, you'll be traveling to New York, Florida, Los Angeles, all over the country. Or you're gonna be a big man. And then, before you know it, instead of people saying, hey, did you hear that one about the traveling salesman? They'll say, hey, did you hear that one about Luigi Baskow? I stop for sure, so you're making me laugh. That's right, Luigi. Love. Be like me. Always happy. Always love. Ooh! My homatism is killing me. She's my friend. Luigi, I love, I love. Hello, Baskowally. Hey, Baskowally, guess what? I'm taking a trainer ride for 500 miles. So the government's finally sending you to Alcatraz, eh? What are you talking about, Baskowally? I made a big decision. You see, as Mr. Morgan in Buffalo was gonna make up his mind to who is gonna send a lot of antiques. I'm a thought, if I'm gonna buffalo in a person, I'm gonna use a super salesmanship, and then I'm gonna make him a change in his mind. Listen to this purpose we can talk. That's a new Luigi. That's right, Baskowally. New Luigi. Last week, I won a prize from the Chamber of Commerce, and this week... And this week off at the buffalo. Hey, Luigi, I just thought of something. While you're on this trip, would you just do me one little favor? What a show, Baskowally. What if you want a machado? When you get on the train, take along one extra piece of baggage for me. Sure. What's a piece of baggage you want a machado to take? My daughter, Rosa. Who? Baskowally, that's an old baggage. That's a steamer trunk. Luigi, Rosa, want to take up too much room? Well, I'm not worried about too much room. I'm worried about too much train. Luigi, is that a nice way to talk about my little girl? A little girl. Baskowally, she weighs 250 pounds. So what? The train company's allowable to give you a reduction if you take her. A reduction? Sure. You know how that trains go around the curves so fast? Well, with Rosa on the train, it's a sure not to fly off on a track. Baskowally doesn't know you're talking. I'm not taking her, Rosa. Now, if you're excusing me, I'm going to talk to her. All right, to go, go. Chicago ain't big enough for you, eh? Baskowally, I'm... Chicago isn't big enough for everybody else to make a living. You don't see cattle rushing out of the stockyards to take their business to Philadelphia. Oh, go, Mr. Traveler, the salesman without a citizen of purpose. Baskowally, you're trying to scare me now. What's the citizen of purpose you've got to do with it? Nothing. Only if somebody comes around of an immigration department asking me, I've got to answer the truth. Luigi's left the country to go to Buffalo. Baskowally, Buffalo is in the United States. It's the right opposite of Lake Erie. Well, right to now it is. But as soon as the Congress takes in a Hawaii, Buffalo is going to get pushed into the lake. Oh, Baskowally, you're joking. Is the planet over here for Buffalo and Hawaii? Oh, what a stupid oboe. Luigi, with a nothing in your head, I'm a surprise to what you is, as you've got to hang on to. Look, there's only 48 stars on the American of land. If a Hawaii comes in and a Buffalo stays, you think that they're going to collect all the flags in the country and paste on an extra star? Somebody's got to go and it's a Buffalo. What are you laughing about, eh? Baskowally, what do you make up of because of Russia? Buffalo is in the United States, so it's got nothing to do with the Hawaii and the flag. What? So I'm not scared, and if you don't mind the goodbye, I'm going to send you a poster card from a Buffalo. It's a good thing I'm going to go to night school, otherwise maybe you'll make a fool of me. Oh, I'm so mad. I pay my hard earned taxes on what's the government to spend it for. Schools. Oh, what a waste of money. Is he going to send me a poster card for Buffalo? Buffalo. Hey, that's right across the way from Niagara's Falls. Have I got an idea? Rosa. Rosa. Rosa. Yes, didn't you hear me? No, Papa, I was busy eating. Eating, eating, always eating. You're going to get a factor like an elephant. What are you eating now? Date, Papa. Well, forget about that. I've got a better idea. What? Buffalo. Oh, stop. Listen, Rosa, Luigi's going on a trip to Buffalo. That's right next to Niagara's Falls. Niagara's Falls, Rosa, where does it make you think of? Going over it in a barrel. Why couldn't I have had a son? Listen, Rosa, we're going to take a train to ride to Buffalo. Luigi's is going to be on that train, you see? Now, we've got to make it our business by the time he gets at the Buffalo, he's going to marry you. That's what Niagara's Falls is for. The only real American place to get him married. Me too. Luigi, is he going on his honeymoon or he don't know it? No, why? Luigi, how long can I keep it a secret from him? Oh, shut up, you face. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's a suggestion you'll find helpful during these warm summer days. Working at a job or around your home, there are bound to be times when your mouth and throat feel hot and dry. When that happens, just slip a stick of refreshing, wriggly spearmint chewing gum into your mouth and see what a difference it makes. That lively mint flavor really freshens your mouth and the pleasant chewing helps keep your throat cool and moist. As a result, you naturally feel better and work better. So always keep a package of wriggly, spearmint chewing gum handy and every time you want to enjoy a refreshing treat, chew a stick. And now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Basko's letter to his mother in Italy. And so, Mamma Mia, I'm a bigger businessman now and I'm going for my first big trainer ride to see Mr. Morgan in a Buffalo. Mamma Mia, I'm so excited. It reminds me of the day when I left Italy, how I'm a pack the three times, then I'm a shook hands with you on a kiss to the go to goodbye. Also, I'm very happy how Pasquale is realized he can't stop me now. Now he don't know what he should do for me. He's a treat to me like a son. Half hour ago, he gave me a box of chocolates for a trip and inside there was a note, name the first one after me. I don't think it's a funny thing to ask but anyway, I'm a name of the first marshmallow Pasquale. And so was the time to go. I was so nervous saying goodbye to Pasquale and Rosa and then I went down to the Lasagna Station. Mamma Mia, the train station is so big. Hey, look, everybody's a hurry up or so. Excuse me, mister. You know how I'm a get the two buffalo? Sure, two blocks left, make a right turn at the corner. Oh, Buffalo? That's right. Go over to the ticket booth. Ticket a booth there? Oh, must be like a telephone a booth, huh? Maybe I call up and I get a ticket. Oh, there, ticket a booth. Excuse me, please. Yes, sir, where to? How do you know? How do I know what? I was a go to some place. Whoa, whoa. I'm a look like a little traveler, huh? With a hike in the shoes, a compass in my pocket, umbrella, camera. Handled binoculars. That's a good one. Well, I'm a like to go to Buffalo. All right, one way? Yeah, one way by train. I know by train. I mean, do you want a round trip? Oh, no, I'm gonna want to travel in the circles. I'm gonna want to go straight to them. Are you staying in Buffalo? Yeah. Then you want one way? That's what I said. I'm gonna stay a few hours and then I'm gonna come back. Then you want a round trip? That's a matter, mister. You want to make me dizzy? Look, bud, round trip merely means you go to Buffalo and back here again. You mean, am I never gonna get a chance to get off in a Buffalo? Am I just to go there for the ride? The train lets you off in Buffalo. Oh, good. You see, is a business a trip and I'm against... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which train do you want? The one that's a go to the Buffalo. I don't have to stay here. I got a million tickets. It'll take me any place. Look, sir, we have half a dozen trains going to Buffalo. Huh? Half a dozen trains we have going to Buffalo. Oh, they have a race, huh? They don't have a race. They all go on separate tracks. They leave at different times and they don't meet in the middle and explode. Oh, good. I was worried about that. You see, this isn't my first trip. Look, look, friend, there are others behind you. You want a coach or a sleeper? Coach or a sleeper? Yes. Can I just have a plane trainer? Now there are five different trains. Which will it be? Which one of you like the best? I'm a hitchhiker myself. Well, good. I'm attacking the hitchhiker. Oh, man. There's so many people in the chairs with napkins under their heads. Is it like a bigger barbershop on a wheels? Look at all those buttons on the walls. And this is a longer cord on the top. I guess it must be to hang a wet clothes on there. It looks a little loose, so maybe I'll do a trainer favor and pull them together tight. Mama Mia, don't tell me you're already in a Buffalo. Here comes the conductor. I'm going to ask him. Who pulled that cord? I'm going to do the Mr. Conductor. Why did the trainers stop? That was an emergency stop. Emergency? What's the matter? Trainers that have a flat attire? No, but you pulled the emergency cord and stopped the train. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. Okay, nothing wrong. Just a mistake. Where's your ticket? Here. Round trip to Buffalo, first clearance. Everything in shape. All right, now get a seat and don't pull that cord again. All right, then. I'm fine a seat. This is such a beautiful scenery. And the train doesn't go so fast. It doesn't make a man feel so important to ride on it. Imagine of me, Luigi Basco, American businessman, making a business a trip to Buffalo. Hmm, I feel hungry. Where's my bag? I'm making myself a sump or two. No, it's not the nicer to eat. Maybe men are sick, the next to me is going to be hungry. Pardon me, mister. Yes? Maybe you like a half a banana? No, thank you. I'm going to Buffalo. You going there, too? No, only partway. I get off at Cleveland. Oh, can't afford the Buffalo, huh? No, Cleveland is my hometown. Oh, hey, hey, hey. I'm Luigi Basco, and I'm coming from Italy a year and a half ago. I'm going to take a shop out of 21 and out the whole of the city and set a street to Chicago for Illinois. And I'm going to Buffalo to see Mr. Morgan about the antiques and the consignment. But you can call me Luigi. I'm Sam Hamilton. I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Basco. Luigi. Luigi. I'm pleased to meet you, Sam. Maybe you take a half a banana now. Yes, I think I will. The dining car doesn't open for a while yet. I'm getting hungry. It's good. What kind of salad would you like? I make it for you right now. Let me see. I'm going to get a salami and a cheese. No, no, no. No, thank you. This banana is fine. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll be back in just a minute. Oh, sure, sure. It's a nice semana. Dum-ba-da-dum-ba-dum. Hello, mister. Well, hello, little boy. Oh, you nice little boy. What's your name? Richard. But everybody calls me Dickie. What's the matter? They're no like Richard. What is it, no matter? Hey, Dickie, how you like half a banana? Oh, goodie. Here. Where's your mama, Dickie? Here she comes. Dickie, where'd you get that banana? That's all right, the lady. I'ma give it to him. I never allow Junior to eat bananas. He breaks out right away. Oh, don't worry. He can't the break out of here. The doors of the day all are closed. Eat bananas. Oh. Oh, well. Well, I'ma got a sum of chocolate bars and a tuna gum. Mommy, I want to play with the funny man. He's got to be a funny man. He don't know I'ma go on a bigger business a trip to Buffalo. Well, all right. You play quietly and don't eat too much. I'll be reading a magazine if you want me. Surely, let it go. Go, you do the... And I'ma gonna play with the Dickie. Hey, let's play horsey. I climb up on you here. Huh? Oh, surely. Clap, clap, carefully, Dickie. I'm pulling out of my hair. Giddy up. Giddy up. Hey, I'm gonna stand on your shoulders and reach the top of the train. No, not, Dickie. That's no good. I'm gonna stand on... All right. I thought I had to wait enough. Up. I'ma gonna lift you way up when you touch him. I'm almost touched. What? Hey, look out, Dickie. You're falling. Hey, grab on to something. Here, grab the cord. No, no, not the doctor. Oh, here comes the conductor again. Who pulled that cord? There's a Mr. Conductor with all accident. Accident? I'm beginning to think this is a practical joke. You realize we've already lost seven minutes on account of you? Well, that's all right, Dick. We're on daylight saving the time, so you still have got a 53 minutes ahead. Okay, nothing wrong. Go ahead. Look, Mr. The next time that happens, I'm throwing you off the train. You get that? I'm throwing you off the train. All right. But, mummy, I'ma don't want to get thrown off the train. I think I'ma gonna move away from my head. I'll take all my bags in the next train. Maybe I'ma go into one of the Jalala rooms I'ma see in the next train. Oh, here's the one that's open. I'ma gonna give a look. Mummy, it's impossible. Hello, little cabbage buds. Possibly, and a rose. Stand on one side, Luigi, while I close the door of my room. There. Now I lock it. But, Pascuali, I'ma no understander. What are you doing on this train? I'm a chaperone and a young married couple to Niagara Falls. Young married couple? Who, Pascuali? I give you three guesses, and the first two is a you and a rosa. Pascuali, you crazy. Luigi, I've been waiting a year and a half to get a you and a something like this. In America, they got a law. Breach a premise. Breach a premise? Yes. If you are to my premises, you gotta marry my daughter. Then I'ma get off of the premise. Impossible. I got you locked in. Who is it, Pascuali? The train is going to Buffalo. I'ma gotta meet a man to close a bigger business a day. I'ma no letting you out Well... Come on, eh? What about it? No, no. I'ma no promise. All right, Luigi. Then I'ma gotta cause you trouble. I'ma ship with a captain who makes the laws. On a train, it's a conductor. You want I should have called a conductor and tell him about the breach of premise? I don't care. I'ma no marry this. All right, Luigi. You asked for it. I gotta pull the cord and call the conductor. He's making the train stop. Now, what's your decision? Pascuali, all right. Pull of the cord. Here comes the conductor. Are you in a big trouble? Here comes the conductor. Who pulled that cord? I did, Mr. Conductor. You did. How can he say Mr. Conductor? I'm Mr. Popper. I'm a headlifter. Every take for you, my son. I've worn this guy three times. Now, get off the train. With the pleasure. Goodbye, Popper. Come here. Pascuali's trick is a fail and I'ma got to Buffalo on the next train. Mr. Morgan is a metamianist station and right away he's got to like me. He's assured me the sights. Then we was to go for a walk in a park and then I'ma treat the him at the lunch. And when we finish, I'ma still have to have a bag of left. Well, it's all a turn out all right. And Mr. Morgan is giving me a big order for the antiques and I'ma head to my first big business trip but it's a good thing I'ma not go by airplane. Just imagine what's to happen if I'ma pull a record up there. That would be the end of your loving son, Luigi Bosco, the little immigrant. Folks, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi and they'd like to remind you that refreshing Wrigley's Spear Mint is an ideal treat for your whole family to enjoy. You can give it to youngsters between meals without worrying about spoiling their appetites and you can enjoy it every day yourself because it's never rich or heavy. So for a delicious taste treat and a healthful chewing treat all combined into one, get some Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum. It costs very little and it tastes mighty good. The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Bosco writes another letter to his mama Bosco in Italy. Life with Luigi was transcribed and is produced and directed by Sy Howard. Mac Benhoff writes the script with Lou Dermott. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Bosco with Alan Redis-Dusqually, Hans Conrad Schultz, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Boling, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ben Peters as Olsen. Music is under the direction of Lod Gruff. This is CBS where you live Life with Luigi every Tuesday night on the Columbia Broadcasting System.