 Crime and Punishment, Part 1, Chapter 3. This is a LibriWax recording. All LibriWax recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriWax.org. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Translated by Konstantz Garnet. Part 1, Chapter 3. He waked up late next day after a broken sleep. But his sleep had not refreshed him. He waked up bellious, irritable, ill-tempered, and looked with hatred at his room. It was a tiny cupboard of the room about six spaces in length. It had a poverty-stricken appearance with its dusty yellow paper peeling off the walls. It was so low-pitched that the man of more than average height was ill at ease in it, and felt every moment that he would knock his head against the ceiling. The furniture was in keeping with the room. There were three old chairs, rather recovery, a paint and table in the corner, on which lay a few manuscripts and books. The dust that laid thick upon them showed that they had been long untouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the whole of one wall and half the floor space of the room. It was once covered with tents, but was now enraged and served as a bed. Often he went to sleep on it, as he was, without dressing, without sheets, wrapped in his old students coat, with his head on one little pillow, and in which he heaped up all the linen he had, clean and dirty, by way of the bolster, a little table stood in front of the sofa. It would have been difficult to sink to the level of disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind, this was positively agreeable. He had got completely away from everyone like a tortoise in its shell, and even the sight of the serving girl, who had to wait upon him and looked sometimes into his room, made him rife with nervous irritation. He was in the condition that overtakes some monomaniacs entirely concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for the last fourth night given up of sending him in meals, and he had not yet thought of expostulating the earth, though he went without his dinner. Stasya, the cook and only servant, was rather pleased at the lodges' mood, and had entirely given up sweeping and doing his room. Once a week or so she would stray into his room with the broom. She weighed him off that day. Get up, why are you asleep? She called to him. It's past night, I have brought you some tea. Will you have a cup? I should think you're fairly starving, Raskolnikov opened his eyes to stare at and recognize Stasya. From the landlady he asked slowly and with the sickly face sitting up on the sofa. From the landlady indeed she said before him her own cracked teapot full of wheat and stale tea and laid to yellow wamps of sugar by the side of it. Kinest has it, take it please. He said, fumbling in his pocket full, he had slept in his clothes and taken out a handful of carpers, run and buy me a loaf, and get me a little of sausage, the cheapest of the poor bushes. The loaf I'll fetch you this very minute, but wouldn't you rather have some cabbage soup instead of sausage? It's capital soup yesterday's, I saved it for you yesterday. But you came in late, it's fine soup. When the soup had been brought, he had began upon it, Stasya sat down beside him on the sofa and began chatting. She was a country peasant woman and a very talkative one. Praskovia Pavlovna means to complain to the police about you, she said. He's called to the police, what does she want? You don't pay her money and you won't turn out of the room, that's what she wants to be sure. The devil that's the last straw he moment grinding his teeth. No, let it not suit me just now. She's a fool, he added aloud. I'll go and talk to her today, fool she is and no mistake just as I am. But why, if you are so clever, do you all are here like a sack and have nothing to sell for it? One time you used to go out, you say, to teach children. But why is it you do nothing now? I'm doing, Praskovnikov began sullenly and reluctantly. What are you doing? Work, but sort of work. I am thinking, he answered seriously after the pause. Stasya was overcome with the fit of laughter. She was given to laughter when anything can use her. She laughed inaudibly, quivering and shaking all over till she felt ill. And have you made much money by all thinking? She managed to articulate at last. One can't go out to give lessons without food. And I'm sick of it. Done quarrel with your bread and butter? They pay so little for lessons. What's the use of the few coppers? He answered reluctantly as well replying to his own fault. And you want to get a fortune all at once? He looked at her strangely. Yes, I want a fortune. He answered firmly after a brief pause. Don't be in such a hurry. You quite frightened me. Shall I get you the loaf or not? As you please. Oh, I forgot. A letter came for you yesterday when you were out. A letter? For me? From whom? I can't say. I gave three coppers of my own to the postman for it. Then bring it to me, for God's sake. Bring it, Cry Traskolnikov. Greatly excited. Good God! A minute later, the letter was brought him. That was it. From his mother. From the province of Ar. He turned pale when he took it. It was a long while since he had received the letter. But another failing also suddenly stabbed his heart. Nastasya, leave me alone for goodness sake. Here are your three coppers. But for goodness sake, may haste and go. The letter was quivering in his hand. He did not want to open it in her presence. He wanted to be left alone with his letter. When Nastasya had gone out, he lifted it quickly to his lips and kissed it. Then he gazed intently at the dress. The small, sloping handwriting. So dear and familiar of the mother who had once told him to read and write. He delighted. He seemed almost afraid of something. At last he opened it. It was a thick, heavy letter. Waving over two answers, two large sheets of note paper were covered with very small handwriting. My dear Ar. wrote his mother. It's two months since I last had to talk with you by letter, which was distressed me and even kept me awake at night, thinking. When I am sure, you will not blame me for my inevitable silence. You know how I love you. You are all we have to look to, Dana and I. You are our all, our one hope, our one stay. What a grief it was to me. When I heard that you had given up the university some months ago for one tooth means to keep yourself and that you have less year lessons and you are at the work. How could I help you out of my 120 rubles a year pension? The theft in rubles I sent you four months ago I borrowed, as you know, un-security of my pension from Vasily Ivanovich with Russian immersion of this town. He's a kind-hearted man and was a friend of your father's too. But having given him the right to receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt was paid off and that is only just done so that I've been unable to send you anything all this time. But now, thank God, I believe I shall be able to send you something more and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good fortunes now of which I hasten to inform you. And in the first place, would you have guessed, dear Raja, that your sister has been living with me for the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future. Thank God her sufferings are over, but I will tell you everything in order so that you may know just how everything has happened and all that we have hitherto concealed from you. When you wrote to me two months ago that you had heard that Anna had a great deal to put up with the switcher-garlar's house, when you wrote that and asked me to tell you all about it, what could I write an answer to you? If I had written the whole truth to you, I dare say you would have thrown up everything and have to come to us, even if you had to walk all the way, for I know your character and your failings and you would not let your sister be insulted. I was in despair myself, but what could I do? And besides, I did not know the whole truth myself then. What made it also difficult was that Anna received a hundred troubles in advance when she took the place as governess in their family, unconditional part of her salary being deducted every month and so it was impossible to throw up the situation without repaying the debt. This, now I can explain it all to you, my precious Radja. She took chiefly in order to send you sixty rubles, which you needed so terribly then and which you received from us last year. We deceived you then, writing that this money came from Donna's savings, but that was not so. And now I tell you all about it because, thank God, things have suddenly changed for the better and that you may know how Donna loves you and what a heart she has. First, indeed, mystic vitragal of Trita have very rudely and used to make disrespectful and jarring remarks at table, but I don't want to go into all those painful details, so as not to worry you for nothing. When it is now or over, in short, in spite of the kind of generous behavior and more to Petrovna, mystic vitragal of his wife and all the rest of the household, Donna had a very hard time, especially when mystic vitragal of relapsing into his old regimental habits was under the influence of Bacchus. And how do you think it was all explained later on? Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a passion for Donna from the beginning, but had concealed it under a show of rudeness and contempt? Possibly he was ashamed and horrified himself at his own mighty hopes, considering his years and his being the father of a family and that made him angry with Donna, and possibly too. He held by his rude and sneering behavior to hide the truth from others, but at last he lost all control and had the face to make Donna an open and shameful proposal, promising her all sorts of inducements and authorings besides to throw up everything and take her to another state of his or even abroad. You can imagine all she went through to leave her situation at once was impossible, not only on account of the money debt, but also to spare the failings of Marfa Petrovna, whose suspicions would have been aroused and then Donna would have been the cause of the rupture in the family and it would have meant a terrible scandal for Donna too. That would have been inevitable. There were various of the reasons owning to which Donna could not hope to escape from that awful house for another six weeks. You know Donna, of course. You know how clever she is and what a strong will she has. Donna can endure a great deal and even in the most difficult cases she has a fortitude to maintain her firmness. She did not even write to me about everything for fear or upsetting me or were we were constantly in communication. It all ended very unexpectedly. Marfa Petrovna accidentally over her husband imploring Donna in the garden and putting quite a wrong interpretation on the possession threw the blame upon her believing her to be the cause of it all and all who seemed to place between them on the spot and the garden. Marfa Petrovna went so far as to strike Donna refused to hear anything and was shouting at her for a whole hour and then gave orders that Donna should be packed off at once. To me in a plain peasant's cart into which they flunk all her things her linen, her clothes, all palmel were without folding it up and packing it. And a heavy shower of rain came on too and Donna insulted and put to shame had to drive with a peasant in an open cart all the seventeen bursts into town. Only think now what answer could I have sent to the letter I received from you two months ago and what could I have written? I was in despair. I dare not write to you the truth because you would have been very unhappy mortified and indignant and yet what could you do? You could only perhaps ruin yourself and besides Donna would not allow it and fill up my letter with trifles when my heart was so full of sorrow I could not for a whole month the town was full of gossip about this candle and it came to such a pass that Donna and I did not even to go to church on account of the contemptuous looks whispers and even remarks made a lot about us all our acquaintances avoided us nobody even bowed to us in the street and I learned that some shopmen and clocks were intending to insult us in a shameful way smearing the gate of our house with pitch so that the landlord began to tell us you must leave all this was said going by Marfa Petrovna who managed to slander Donna and throw dirt at her in every family she knows everyone in the neighborhood and that month she was continually coming into the town and as she is rather talkative and fond of gossiping about her family affairs and particularly of complaining to all and each of her husband which is not at all right so in a short time she had spread her story not only in the town but over the whole surrounding district it made me ill but Donna bore it better than I did and if only you could have seen how she endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer me up she's an angel but by God's mercy our sufferings were cut short Mr. Svedrugailov returned to his senses and repented and probably failing sorry for Donna he laid before Marfa Petrovna a complete and unmistakable proof of Donna's innocence in a form of a letter Donna had been forced to write and a gift to him before Marfa Petrovna came upon them in the garden this letter which remained in Mr. Svedrugailov's hands after her departure she had written to refuse personal explanations and secret interviews for which he was in cheating her and that letter should re-approach him with great heat and indignation for the pobaceness of his behavior in regard to Marfa Petrovna reminding him that he was the father and had of a family and telling him how infamous it was of him to torment and making a happy and defenseless girl and happy enough already indeed dear Adia the letter was so knobbly and touchingly written that I sobbed when I read it and to this day I cannot read it without tears moreover the evidence of the servants to clear Donna's reputation they had seen and known a great deal more than Mr. Svedrugailov had himself supposed as indeed is always the case with the servants Marfa Petrovna was completely taken aback and again crushed as she said herself to us but she was completely convinced of Donna's innocence the very next day being Sunday she went straight to the cathedral knelt down and prayed with tears to our lady to give her strength to be this new child to do her duty then she came straight from the cathedral to us told us the whole story were bitterly and fully panitent she embraced Donna and bestow her to forgive her the same morning without any delay she went around all the houses in the town and everywhere shedding tears she asserted to the most flattering terms Donna's innocence and the nobility of her feelings and her behavior what was more she showed and read to everyone the letter in Donna's own handwriting to Mr. Svedrugailov and even allowed them to take copies of it which is almost say I think was superfluous and this way she was busy for several days and driving about the whole town because some people had taken offence through precedence having been given to others and therefore they had to take turns so that in every house she was expected before she arrived and everyone knew that on such and such a day Martha Petrovna would be reading the letter in such and such a place and people assembled for every reading of it even the many who had heard it several times already both in their own houses and in other peoples in my opinion a very great deal of it was unnecessary but that's Martha Petrovna's character anyway she succeeded in completely re-establishing Donna's reputation and the whole ignominy of this affair rested as an indelible disgrace upon her husband as the only person to blame so that I really began to feel sorry for him it was really treating the crazy fella too harshly Donna was at once asked to give lessons in several families but she refused all of a sudden everyone began to treat her with much respect and all of this did much to bring about the event by which one may say our whole fortunes are now transformed you must know dear Roger that Donna has a suitor and that she has already consented to marry him I hasten to tell you all about the matter and though it has been arranged without asking your consent I think you will not be aggrieved with me or with your sister in that account or you will see which we could not wait and put off our decision till we heard from you and you could not have just all the facts without being on the spot this was how it happened he is already of the rank of the counsellor Pat Petrovich Luhid and he is distantly related to Martha Petrovna who has been very active in bringing the match about it began with his expressing through her his desire to make our acquaintance he was properly received drunk coffee with us and the very next day he sent us a letter in which he very courtiously made an offer and begged for a speedy and decided answer he is a very busy man and is in a great hurry to get to Petersburg so that every moment is precious to him at first of course we were greatly surprised as it had all happened so quickly and unexpectedly we fought and talked it over the whole day he is a well to do man to be depended upon he has to post in the government and has already made his fortune it is true that he is 45 years old but he is of the fairly prepossessing appearance and might still be thought attractive by women and he is altogether a very respectable and presentable man only he seems a little morose and someone conceited but possibly that may only be the impression he makes at first sight and be aware dear, right? when he comes to Petersburg as he shortly will do be aware of judging him to hastily and severely as your way is if there is anything you do not like in him at first sight I give you this warning although I feel sure what he will make a favourable impression upon you moreover in order to understand any man one must be deliberately and careful to avoid forming prejudices and mistaken ideas which are very difficult to correct and get over afterwards and Petr Petrovich judging by many indications is a thoroughly estimable man at his first visit indeed he told us that he was a practical man but still he shares as he expresses many of the convictions of our most rising generation and he is an opponent of all prejudices he said a good deal more but he seems a little conceited and likes to be listened to but this is scarcely a vice I, of course, understood very little of it but I'm not explaining to me that though he is not a man of great education he is clever and seems to be good-natured you know your sister's character, right? he is a resolute, sensible, patient and generous girl but she has a passionate heart as I know very well of course there is no great love either on his side or on hers Madonna is a clever girl and has the heart of an angel and will make it her duty to make her husband happy who, on his side, will make her happiness his care of that we have no good reason to doubt though it must be admitted that the matter has been arranged in greater haste besides, he is a man of great prudence and he will see, to be sure of himself that his own happiness will be the more secure the happier Dana is with him and as for some defects of character for some habits and even certain differences of opinion which indeed are inevitable even in the happiest marriages Dana has said that as regards all that she relies on herself that there is nothing to be uneasy about and that she is ready to put up with a great deal if only their future relationship can be an honorable and straightforward one he struck me for instance at first as rather abrupt but that may well come from his being a bold spoken man that is no doubt how it is for instance at his second wizard after he had received Dana's consent and the course of conversation he declared that before making Dana's acquaintance he had made up his mind to marry a girl of good reputation without dowry and above all one who had experienced poverty because as he explained a man ought not to be indebted to his wife but that it is better for our wife to look upon her husband as her benefactor I must art that he expressed it more nicely and politely than I have done for I have forgotten his actual phrases and I only remember his meaning and besides it was obviously not set of design but slipped out in the heat of conversation so that he tried afterwards to correct himself and smooth it over but all the same it did strike me as somewhat true and I said so afterwards to Dana but Dana was waxed and answered that words are not deeds and that of course it's perfectly true Dana did not sleep all night before she made up her mind and thinking that I was asleep she got out of bed and was walking up and down the room all night at last she knelt down before the icon and prayed long and thoroughly and in the morning she told me that she had decided I have mentioned already that Pat Petrovich is just setting off for Petersburg where he has a great deal of business he wants to open an illegal barrage he has been occupied for many years in conducting civil and commercial agitation and only the other day he won an important case he has to be in Petersburg because he has an important case before the Senate so rather dear he may be of the greatest use to you in every way indeed and Dana and I have agreed and from this very day you could definitely enter upon your career and might consider that your future is marked out and assured for you or if only this comes to pass this would be such a benefit but we could only look upon it as a providential blessing Dana is dreaming of nothing else we have even wanted already to drop a few words under the subject of Pat Petrovich he was cautious in his answer and said that of course as he could not get on without a secretary it would be better to be paying a salary to a relation than to a stranger if only the former were feted for the duties as though there could be doubt of you being feted but then he expressed doubts whether you studies at the university would leave you time to work at his office the matter dropped for the time but Dana is thinking of nothing else now she has been in a sort of favor for the last few days and has already made a regular plan for you becoming in the end an associate or even a partner in Pat Petrovich's business which might well be seeing that you are a student of law I am in complete agreement with her, right? and I share all her plans and hopes and I think there is very probability of realizing them and in spite of Pat Petrovich's evasiveness they are natural at present since he does not know you Dana is firmly persuaded that she will gain everything by her good influence of a half future husband this she is reckoning upon of course we are careful not to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pat Petrovich especially of you becoming his partner he is a practical man and might take this very callfully it might all seem to him simply a daydream nor has other Dana or I briefed the word to him of great hopes we have of his helping us to pay for your university studies we have not spoken of it in the first place because it will come to pass of itself later on and he will no doubt without wasting words offered to do it of himself as though he could refuse Dana that the more readily since you may by your own efforts become his right hand in the office and receive this assistant not as a charity but as a salary and by your own work Dana wants to arrange it all like this and I quite agree with her and we have not spoken of our plans for another reason that is because I particularly wanted you to feel on an equal footing when you first meet him when Dana spoke to him with enthusiasm about you he answered that one could never touch another man without seeing him close for oneself and that he looked forward to forming his own opinion when he makes you acquaintance do you know my precious writer? I think that perhaps for some reasons nothing to do with Petrovic's though simply for my own personal perhaps all womanish fancies I should do better to go on living by myself apart and lift them up to the wedding I am convinced that you will be generous and delicate enough to invite me and urge me to remain with my daughter for the future and if he has said nothing about it hitherto it is simply because it has been taken for granted but I shall refuse I have noticed more than once in my life that husbands don't quite get on with their mothers-in-law and I don't want to be the least bit in an anyone's way and for my own sake too we'd rather be quite independent so as long as I have the crest of bread of my own and such children as you and Dana if possible I would settle somewhere near you for the most joyful piece of the news dear writer I have kept for the end of my letter know then my dear boy that we may perhaps be all together in a very short time and may embrace one another again after a separation of almost three years it is settled for certain that Dana and I are to set off for Petersburg exactly one I don't know but very very soon possibly in a week it all depends on Pat Petrovich who will let us know when he has had time to look around him in Petersburg to suit his own arrangements he is anxious to have the ceremony as soon as possible even before the first of our lady that could be managed or if that is too soon to be ready immediately after oh with what happiness I shall press you to my heart Dana is all excitement at the joyful thought of seeing you she said one day in a joke that she would be ready to marry Pat Petrovich for that alone she's an angel she's not writing anything to you now and has only told me to write that she has so much to tell you which she is not going to take up her pen now for a few lines would tell you nothing and it would only mean upsetting herself she bids me send you her love and innumerable kisses but although we shall be meeting so soon perhaps I shall send you as much money as I can in a day or two now that everyone has heard that Dana is to marry Pat Petrovich my credit has suddenly improved and I know that Fnasi Ivanovich will trust me now even to 75% on the security of my pension so that perhaps I shall be able to send you 25 or even 30 rubles I would send you more but I am uneasy about our travelling expenses for though Pat Petrovich has been so kind as to undertake part of the expenses of the journey that is to say he has taken upon himself the convent of our bags and big trunk which will be conveyed to some acquaintances of his we must reckon upon some expense on our arrival in Petersburg where we can't be left without a half penny at least for the first few days but we have calculated it all Dana and I to the last penny and we see that the journey will not cost very much it is only 90 bursts from us to the railway and we have come to an agreement with the driver we know so as to be in redness and from there Dana and I can travel quite comfortably third class so that I may very likely to be able to send to you about 25 but 30 rubles but enough I have covered two sheets already and there is no space left for more our whole history but so many events have happened and now my precious rider I embrace you and send you a mother's blessing till we meet love Dana your sister rider she loves you and understand that she loves you beyond everything more than herself she is an angel in you rider you are everything to us our one hope our one consolation if only you are happy we shall be happy do you still say your prayers rider and believe in the mercy of our creator and our redeemer I'm afraid in my heart that you may have been visited by the new spirit of infidelity that is brought today if it is so I pray for you remember dear boy how in your childhood when your father was living you used to lift your prayers at my knee and how happy we all were in those days goodbye till we meet then I embrace you warmly warmly with many kisses you're still death Pachyri Raskolnikov almost from the first while he read the letter Raskolnikov's face was wet with tears but when he finished it his face was pale and distorted and a bitter, rawthful and malignant smile was on his lips he laid his head down on his straight bare dirty pillow and pondered pondered a long time his heart was beating violently and his brain was in a turmoil at last he felt cramped and stifled in the little yellow room that was like a cupboard or a box his eyes and his mind craved for space he took up his hat and went out this time without dread of meeting anyone he had forgotten his dread he turned in the direction of the Vasilevsky Ostrov walking along Vasilevsky Prospect as though heistening on some business but he walked as his habit was without noticing his why murdering and even speaking allowed to himself to the astonishment of the passersby many of them took him to be drunk and of part one, chapter three crime and punishment part one, chapter four this is a liberal wax recording all liberal wax recordings aimed the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit liberalwax.org crime and punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky translated by Constance Garnet part one, chapter four his mother's letter had been attributed to him but as regards to the chief fact in it he had felt not one moment's hesitation even whilst he was reading the letter the essential question was settled and irrevocably settled in his mind never such a marriage when I'm alive and misdolution be damned the thing is perfectly clear he murdered to himself with a malignant smile anticipating the triumph of his decision no mother no Donny you won't deceive me and they they apologize for not asking my advice and for taking the decision without me I dare say they imagined it as a range now and can't be broken off but we will see whether it can or not a magnificent excuse Pat Petrovich is such a busy man that even his wedding has to be in post haste almost by express no Don I see it all and I know what you want to say to me I know too what you were thinking about when you worked up and down all night and what your prayers were like before the holy mother of Kazan who stands in the mother's bedroom better is the accent to Golgotha hmm so just finally settled you have determined to marry a sensible businessman of that year Romanovna one who has a fortune has already made his fortune that is so much more solid and impressive a man who holds two government posts and who shares the ideas of our most rising generation as mother writes and who seems to be kind as Donna herself observes that seems beats everything and that there Donna for that there seems is marrying him Splendid Splendid but I should like to know why mother has written to me about our most rising generation simply as a descriptive touch or the idea of prepossessing me in favor of misdolution or the cunning of them I should like to know one thing more how far they were open with one another that day and night and all this time since was it all put into words or it did both understand that they had the same thing at heart and in their minds so that there was no need to speak of it aloud and better not speak of it most likely it was partly like that from mother's letter it's evident he struck her as rude a little and mother in her simplicity took her observations to Donna and she was sure to be vexed and ends with her angrily I should think so who would not be angered when it was quite clear without any naive questions and when it was undisturbed that it was useless to discuss it and why does she write to me love Donna, Dr. and she loves you more than herself has she a secret conscious prick at sacrificing her daughter to her son you are our one comfort you are everything to us oh mother, his bitterness grew more and more intense and if he had happened to meet Mr. Lucian at the moment he might have murdered him yes that's true he continued pursuing his riling ideas that chased each other in his brain it is true that it needs time and care to get to know a man there is no mistake about Mr. Lucian the chief think is he is a man of business and seems kind there was something wasn't it to send the bags and big box for them a kind man no doubt after that but here's bright our whole mother had to drive in a peasant's car in the peasant's car covered with sacking I know I have been driven in it no matter it is only 90 worst and they can travel very comfortably third class for a thousandth worst quite right too one must cut one's coat according to one's cloth but what about Mr. Lucian she is your bride and you must be aware that her mother has to raise money on her pension for the journey to be sure it's a matter of business a partnership for mutual benefit with equal shares and expenses food and drink provided but pay for your tobacco the business man has got to be better than them too the luggage will cost less than fare fares and very likely to go through nothing how is it that they don't both see all that or is it that they don't want to see and they are pleased pleased and to think that is only the first blossoming and that the real fruits are to come but what really matters is not the stingness is not the meanness but the tone of the whole thing that will be the tone after marriage it's a full taste a third and mother too why should she be so lavish what will she have by the time she gets to Petersburg three silver robles or two paper ones as she says that old woman hmm what does she expect to live upon in Petersburg afterwards she had her reasons already for guessing that she could not live the daughter after the marriage even for the first few months the good man has no doubt let's slip something on that subject also the mother would deny it Arshal refuses she and whom is she reckoning then is she counting on what is left of her hundred and twenty robles of pension than a Fennasi Ivanovich's death is paid she nets woolen trolls and embroidered scuffs ruining her old eyes and all her shawls don't art more than twenty robles a year to her hundred and twenty I know that so she is building all her hopes all the time on Mr. Lucien's generosity he will offer it for himself he will press it on me you may wait a long time for that that's how it always is with these she'll rescue noble hearts till the last moment every goose is sworn with them till the last moment they hope for the best and will see nothing wrong and although they have an inkling of the other side of the picture yet they won't face the truth till they are forced to the very thought of it makes them shiver they thrust the truth away with both hands until the man they dug out in the false colors puts the false cap on them with his own hands I should like to know whether Mr. Lucien has any orders of merit I bet he has the anna in his buttonhole and that he puts in on when he goes to dine the contractors or merchants he will be sure to have it for his wedding too enough of him confound him well mother I don't want to add it's like a good bless her but how could Dana Dana darling as though I did not know you you were nearly 20 when I saw you lost I understood you then otherwise that Dana can put up with the great deal I know that very well I knew that two years and a half ago and for the last two and a half years I have been thinking about it thinking of just that that Dana can put up with the great deal if she could put up with Mr. Svitrogilov and all the rest of it she certainly can put up with the great deal and now mother and she have taken it into their heads that she can put up with the most delusion who propounds the theory of the superiority of wives raised by destitution and owing everything to their husbands bounty who propounds it to almost at the first interview granted that he let it slip though he is a sensible man it may be it was not a slip at all but he meant to make himself clear as soon as possible but Dana Dana she understands the man of course but she will have to live with the man why? she live on black bread and water she would not sell her soul she would not part of her moral freedom for comfort she would not part of it for all slesway costing much less misdelusions money now Dana was not that sort when I knew her and she is still the same of course yes there is no denying that the Svitrogilovs are a bitter pearl it's a bitter thing to spend one's life as a governess in the provinces for 200 rubles but I know she would rather be a nigger on a plantation or a letter to the German master than to grant her soul and her moral dignity by binding herself for every man whom she does not respect with whom she has nothing in common for her own advantage and if misdelusion had been of an allowed cult or one huge diamond she would never have consented to becoming his legal cancubin why is she consenting then what's the point of it what's the answer it's clear enough for herself for her comfort to save her life she would not sell herself but for someone else she's doing it for one she loves for one she adores she will sell herself that's what it all amounts to for her brother for her mother she will sell herself she will sell everything in such cases we overcome our moral feeling if necessary freedom peace conscience even all all are brought into the market let my life go if only my dear ones may be happy more than that we become cashists we learn to be desiotical and for a time maybe we can soothe ourselves we can persuade ourselves when it is one's duty for a good object that's just like us it's as clear as a daylight it's clear that for the young Romanovich Raskolnikov it's the central figure in the business and no one else oh yes she can ensure his happiness keep him in the university may him a partner in the office make his whole future secure perhaps he may even be a rich man later on prosperous, respected and may even in his life a famous man but my mother it's all rather precious rather her first born for such a son who would not sacrifice such a daughter all loving all the partial hearts wine or moladov the eternal victim so long as the world lasts have you taken the measure of your sacrifice both of you is it right can you bear it is it any use it's there sense in it and let me tell you Dana son's life is not worse than life of misdolution there can be no question of love mother right and what if there can be no respect either if on the contrary there is aversion contempt repulsion what then so you will have to keep up your appearance too is not that so do you understand what the smartness means do you understand that the Lucian smartness is just the same thing as sonus and may be worse it's a bit smaller baser because in your case Dana it's a bargain for luxuries after all but if son it's simply a question of starvation it has to be paid for it has to be paid for Dana this smartness what if it's more than you can bear afterwards if you regret it sonus the misery the curses the tears hidden from all the world for you are not a Marta Petrovna and how will your mother feel then even now she is uneasy she is worried and then when she sees it all clearly and I yes indeed what have you taken me for what have you sacrificed Dana I want to have it mother I shall not be so long as I am alive it shall not it shall not you won't accept it he suddenly paused in his reflection and stood still it shall not be but what are you going to do to prevent it you forbid it what right have you what here can you promise them on your side to give you such a right your whole life your whole future you will devote to them when you have finished your studies and obtained a post yes we have heard all that before and that's all words but now now something must be done now do you understand that and what are you doing now you are living upon them they borrowed their hundred troubles pension they borrowed from the shith-the-trigger-guylaves how are you going to save them from shith-the-trigger-guylaves from Afanasi Ivanovich Bokhrushin of the future millionaires Zeus who would arrange their lives for them in another ten years in another ten years mother will be blind with kneeling souls maybe with weeping too she will be worn to a shadow with fasting and my sister imagine for a moment what may have become of your sister in ten years what may happen to her during those ten years can you fancy so he tortured himself threatening himself with such questions and finding an eye a kind of enjoyment in it and yet all these questions were not new one suddenly confronting him they were all familiar eggs it was long since they had first began to grip and run his heart long, long ago his present anguish had its first beginnings it had waxed and gathered strength it had matured and concentrated until it had taken the form of a fearful friendly and fantastic question which toted his heart and mind clamoring insistently through an answer now his mother's letter had burst in him like a thunder clap it was clear that he must not now suffer passively worrying himself over unsolved questions but that he must do something do it at once and do it quickly anyway he must decide on something or else a throw up life altogether he cried suddenly in a frenzy accept one's love humbly as it is once for all and stifle everything in oneself giving up all claim to activity life and love do you understand sir? do you understand what it means when you have absolutely nowhere to turn from a lad of his question came suddenly into his mind that every man must have somewhere to turn he gave the sudden start another thought that he had had yesterday slipped back into his mind but he did not start as the thought reoccurring to him for he knew he had felt beforehand that it must come back he was expecting it besides it was not only yesterday's thought the difference was that a month ago yesterday even the thought was a mere dream but now, now that appeared not a dream at all it had taken a new menacing a quite unfamiliar shape and he suddenly became aware of this himself he felt a hammering in his head and there was a darkness before his eyes he looked round hurriedly he was searching for something he wanted to sit down and was looking through a seat he was working along the keyboard there was a seat about 100 paces in front of him he walked toward it as fast as he could but in the way he met the little adventure which absorbed all his attention looking for the seat he had noticed a woman walking some 20 paces in front of him but at first he took no more notice of her than of the other objects that crossed his path it had happened to him many times going before not to notice the road by which he was going and he was accustomed to work like that but there was at first sight something so strange about the woman in front of him that gradually his attention was reverted upon her at first reluctantly as it were resentfully and then more and more intently he felt a sudden desire to find out what it was that was so strange about the woman and the first place she appeared to be a girl quite young and she was walking in the grade he bareheaded with no parasol or gloves waving her arms about in an absurd way she had an address of some light silky material but put on a strangely array not properly hooked up and turned open at the top of the skirt close to the waist a great peace was rent and hanging clues a little cashew was flung above her bare throat and lay slanting on one side the girl was walking unsteady too stumbling and staggering from side to side she drew Raskolnikov's whole attention at last he overtook the girl at the seat but in reaching it she jumped down on it in the corner she let her head sink on the back of the seat and closed her eyes apparently in extreme exhaustion looking at her closely he saw at once that she was completely drunk it was a strange and shocking sight he could hardly believe that he was not mistaken he saw before him the face of the quite young fairly haired girl 16 perhaps not more than 15 years old pretty little face but flushed and had a looking as it was swollen the girl seemed hardly to know what she was doing she crossed one leg over the other lifting it in decorously and showed every side of being unconscious which she was in the street Raskolnikov did not sit down but he felt unwillingly to leave her and stood facing her in a perplexity this bulwad was never much frequented and now at two o'clock in the stifling heat it was quite deserted and he had on the further side of the bulwad about 15 paces away a gentleman was standing on the edge of the pavement he too would apparently have liked to approach the girl with some object of his own he too had probably seen her in the distance and had followed her but found Raskolnikov in his way he looked angrily at him though he tried to escape his notice and stood impatiently bidding his time till the unwelcome man in rags should have moved away his intentions were unmistakable the gentleman was a plum a thickly set man about 30 fashionably dressed of the high color red lips and mustaches Raskolnikov felt furious he had a sudden longing to insult this fat dandy and some why he left the girl for a moment and walked towards the gentleman hey, use the chagall of what do you want here he shouted clenching his fist and laughing spluttering with rage what do you mean the gentleman asked sternly scowling in a hoothy astonishment get away that's what I mean how dare you you low fella he raised his cane Raskolnikov rushed at him with his fists without reflecting that the stout gentleman was a match for the till man like himself but at that instant someone sees him from behind and a police constable stood between them that's enough gentleman no fighting police in a public place what do you want who are you he asked Raskolnikov sternly noticing his rags as Raskolnikov looked at him intently he had a straightforward sensible bolderly face with grey moustaches and whiskers you are just the man I want Raskolnikov cried catching at his arm I'm a student Raskolnikov you may as well know that too he added addressing the gentleman come along I have something to show you and taking the policeman by the hand he drew him towards the sea well here hopelessly drunk and she has just come down the bouvard there is no telling who and what she is she does not look like a professional it's more likely she has been given jing and deceived somewhere for the first time you understand and there are put her out in the street like that look at the wire her dress is stoned and the way it has been put on she has been dressed by somebody she has not dressed herself and dressed by unpractised hands by a man's hands that's evident and now look there I don't know that dandy with whom I was going to fight I see him for the first time but he too had seen her on the road just now drunk not knowing what she is doing and now he is very eager to get hold of her to get her away somewhere while she is in the state that certain believe me I'm not wrong I saw him myself watching her and following her but I prevented him and he is just waiting for me to go away now he has walked a while little and it's standing still pretending to make a cigarette think how can we keep her out of his hands and how are we to get her home the policeman saw it all in a flash the stout gentleman was easy to understand he turned to consider the girl the policeman went over to examine her more closely and his face worked with genuine compassion ah what a pity he said shaking his head oh she is quite a child she has been deceived you can't see that at once lesson lady he began addressing her why do you live the girl opened her worry and sleepy looking eyes gazed blankly at the spaker and waved her hand he is at risk of failing in his pocket and finding 20 carpets here call a cab and tell him to draw her to her dress the only thing is to find out her dress messy messy the policeman began again taking the money I'll fetch you a cab and take you home myself well I shall I tell you ah where do you live go away they won't let me alone the girl murdered and once more waved her hand ah how shocking it's shameful messy it's a shame he shook his head again shocked sympathetic and indignant it's a difficult job the policeman said to Raskolnikov and as he did so he lit him up down in the rapid glance he too must have seen a strange figure to him dressed in rags and handing him money did you meet her far from here he asked him I tell you she was walking in front of me staggering just hearing of the boy what she only just reached the seat and sank down in it ah shameful things but are done in the world nowadays God have mercy on us an innocent creature like that drunk already she has been deceived that's a sure thing see how her dress has been torn too otherwise one sees nowadays and as likely as not she belongs to dental folk too poor ones maybe there are men alike nowadays she looks refined too as though she were a lady and he bent over her once more perhaps she had daughters growing up like that looking like ladies and refined with pretensions to gentility and smartness the chief think as Raskolnikov persisted to keep her out of this candle with hands why should he out trade her is as clear as day when he is after the proof he is not moving off Raskolnikov spoke aloud and pointed to him the gentleman heard him and seemed about to fly into a range again but thought better third and confined himself to a contemptuous look he worked slowly another 10 pages away and again halted keep her out of his hands with hands and the constable thoughtfully if only she tell us where to take her but as it is messy a messy he bent over her once more she opened her eyes fully all of a sudden looked at him intently as though realizing something got up from the seat and walked away in the direction from which she had come a shameful wretches they won't let me alone she said waving her hand again she walked quickly though staggering as before the dandy followed her but along another avenue keeping his eye on her don't be anxious I won't let him have her the policeman said resolutely and he set off after them the vice wouldn't cease nowadays he repeated aloud sighing at that moment something seemed to stinker as karnikov in an instant a complete revulsion of failing came over him I hear he shouted up to the policeman the latter turned round let them be what is it to do with you let her go let him amuse himself he pointed at the dandy what is it to do with you the policeman was bewildered and stared at him open-eyed as karnikov laughed while ejaculated the policeman the fetus are contempt and he walked off to the dandy and the girl probably taking karnikov for a madman or something even worse he has carried up my 20 carpaks karnikov murmured angrily when he was left on while let him take as much from the other fellow to allow him to have the girl and so let it end and why did I want to interfere is it for me to help have I any right to help let them devour each other alive what is to me how did I dare to give him 20 carpaks were they mine in spite of those strange words he felt very wretched he sat down on the deserted seat his thoughts strayed aimlessly he found it hard to fix his mind on anything at that moment he longed to forget himself altogether to forget everything and then to wake up and begin life anew poor girl he said looking at the empty corner where she had said she will come to herself and weep and then her mother will find out she will give her baiting a horrible, shameful baiting and then might be turned her out of toes and then, if she does not the dory frinter's oveness will get wind of it and the girl will soon be slipping out on the sly he and there then she will bathe the hospital directly that's always for the luck of those girls the respectable mothers who go wrong on the sly and then again the hospital drink the talent and more hospital in two or three years a wreck and her life over at 18 or 19 have not I seen cases like that and how have they been brought to it why have they all come to it like that ah but what does it matter that's as it should be they tell us a certain percentage they tell us must every year go that way to the devil I suppose so that the rest may remain chaste and I'd be interfered with a percentage what splendid words they have they are so scientific so consultory when she have said percentage there is nothing more to worry about if we had any other word maybe we might feel more uneasy but what if Donna were one of the percentage of another one if not that one where are I'm going he thought silently strange I came out for something as soon as I had read the letter I came out I was going to Vasilevsky's Astro to resume that's what it was now I remember well who though and what put the idea of going to resume into my hatches now that's curious he wanted and himself resume was one of his all comrades at the university it was remarkable that Raskarnikov had hardly any friends at the university he kept a loop from everyone went to see no one and did not welcome anyone who came to see him and indeed everyone soon gave him up he took no part in the students gatherings, amusements or conversations he worked the great intensity without sparing himself and he was respectable for this but no one liked him he was very poor and there was a sort of healthy pride and reserve about him as though he were keeping something to himself he seemed to some of his comrades to look down upon them all as children as though he were superior in development, knowledge and convictions as though their beliefs and interests were beneath him with resumeking he had Gatan or at least he was more unreserved and communicative with him indeed it was impossible to be on any other terms with resumeking he was an exceptionally good humid and candid youth good nature to the point of simplicity though both death and dignity lay concealed under that simplicity the bed of his comrades understood this and all were fond of him he was extremely intelligent though he was certainly rather a simpleton at times he was of striking appearance tall thin, wire-haired and always badly shaved he was sometimes a prorious and was reputed to be of great physical strength one night when after another stiff company he had with one blow later a gigantic policeman on his back there was no limit to his drinking powers but he could abstain from drink altogether he sometimes went too far in his pranks but he could do without pranks altogether another thing striking about resumeking now failure to stress him and it seemed as though no unfavorable circumstances could crush him he could light anywhere and be at the extremes of cult and hunger he was very poor and kept himself entirely on what he could earn by work of one sort or another he knew no end of resources by which to earn money he spent one whole winter without lighting his stove and he used to declare he liked it better because one slept more soundly in the cold though the present he too had been obliged to give up the university but it was only for a time and he was working with all his might to save enough to return to his studies again as Karnikov had not been to see him for the last four months resumeking did not even know his address about two months before they had met in the street but Karnikov had turned away and even crossed to the other side that he might not be observed and though resumeking noticed him he parted him by as he did not want to deny him End of Part 1 Chapter 4