 are okay. Yes. Thank you. All right. So welcome. Welcome everybody and good morning. Good morning to all of you as well as the learning students who are who have joined in to who will be watching the lecture later. Hello to all of you. Good to have you here. You know, we're two months into our course. And so we're midway, we're halfway. And we just have another half more to go. So hope this these lessons are helpful. And you're able to use some of this. Even in your ministry to others, maybe just, you know, meeting people and talking to them, just trusting that, you know, these, these classes and these skills that we're learning are in some way helping you. Okay. All right. We'll focus back on on where we stopped. We've been we're on week nine of our course. And we've been doing counseling skills. We looked through we started it last week talking about the importance of having a toolbox, how to work with or how to help people. And this is the counselors toolbox. And we started off with the first micro skill of attending. And yeah, so anyone quickly would like to do a recap on what we covered the last week, a quick recap, but what we covered. Okay, Chai says micro skills. What were the basic foundational skills meaning how and when to use Okay, so what was the first micro skill we learned last week? What is the first micro skill we learned attending? Yes, we did skills and attending. We looked at three, three kinds of attending. We did. We looked at non verbal verbal, we said the three Vs plus the B, we spoke about how you attend by listening, how you attend by observing. Okay, so these were the three main things that we spoke about today. We're going to be looking at the next skill, which that you will probably find a bit of a repetition with what we did last time on attending, which is responding. So if you look through certain, you know, certain textbooks, they put responding in attending, but I kind of spaced it out a little bit. Because I just feel that responding is is something that sometimes gets the most difficult for us to do. And I thought what we can do today is in our first hour, we can we'll have a bit of a learning and the second hour, we're going to have a more practical exercise. Okay, and this is where all of us are going to be involved. Now you may ask me how I'll tell you that in the second hour. Okay, I'm not going to let out the secret right away. So come back for the second hour. It's not going to put any of you on a spot. Okay, all of you are going to be on the spot. So, so don't don't be nervous that okay, what if I'm chosen, everyone gets a good fair enough turn without feeling without needing to feel uneasy about it. Okay, so we will, because I think, you know, the only way that we can do this is by practice and no better place to practice in a classroom where you can do all the wrong things and all the things that are that, you know, that that a counseling skill doesn't have. So this is where we're learning. Okay, so this is a learning environment. It's a free environment. It's a non judgmental environment. So we're all going to learn through that. Okay, so we're, we're looking into the second micro skill of responding. Just give me a minute. I'm just going to display my screen. All right, so this is just a quick recap of what we did the last time. And that's what we were talking about. We're going to be looking at the skill of responding. Okay. So, sorry, just a minute. Yeah. Okay, so we're going to be looking at the skill of responding. And so what is so where is responding skill used? It is used through the entire counseling process. And especially in the early stages of the of the exploration phase, it is definitely used throughout, but more so in the early phase where there is a lot of exploration that's going in. And okay, it's I think as we as we look at as as you understand more, you'll probably figure out why is it that it is mostly used at the initial phases. So what is the purpose of these of responding skills? To, to, to make it to help you understand that that these are responding skills are is something that helps the counselor to encourage the issues or the stories of the counseling. Okay. And this is so even as you are responding to the counseling, it is a great skill to teach the counseling themselves when responding to each other in mediation, you know, like when they are mediating with somebody or they are talking back to you or with another person, it is a great skill that they themselves tend to pick up just through the way that you have modeled it for them. So responding skills helps the counseling to know that he or she has been heard, has been understood, has been cared for, and also has been supported. Okay, it also gives the counselor a feedback on what he or she said and how it has come across. So you're actually giving when you, when you give the counseling your feedback, it helps them see how it has come across. It allows you to also check your own accuracy in hearing what the counseling has said. So when you respond, or when you reflect, now these words are responding or reflecting are interchangeably used to get they, they are classified under the same thing, you either reflect or you're responding is the same thing. So you may see it being used interchangeably. Okay, so it allows the counselor to check their own accuracy in hearing what the counseling has said. It also avoids the illusion that that of understanding that you have understood something. But when you actually clarify, when you actually give a feedback, or when you respond, you're avoiding that illusion that you have understood, but you are actually expressing something, making it more clear to the counseling that you have understood. It also prevents you from that, you know, that that being in that space of a mental vacation in which a counselor may be inattentive during the conversation. So when you respond, you're actually helping the, the counseling see that through the last five minutes that you've spoken, you have not gone on a mental vacation, you are there, and you are responding and you have understood the crux of it. Okay, so that's what it helps. So it makes you also a little bit more responsible of paying very clear attention and not drifting away from what is what is happening. It helps the counseling focus on venting out on sorting out those issues on expressing that feeling and dealing more effectively with the emotion. So that's what it helps them do as they can, as you respond, it continues to help them to be in a place of venting. It also allows the counseling to move to a deeper level of expressions, or of more in depth of what they're going through at the pace that they would like to go through. Okay, so as you respond, it helps them to move through that. It moves from being superficial into being some into being more authentic, like for example, your counseling may start with something that is very evidently wrong in their lives, maybe what what can what is manifested on the outside, right? Like what they may be experiencing, or what they what kind of struggles they're having with somebody. But as you continue to as a counselor response, it gets to become a little more deeper. There is meaning that is attached to maybe the situations that they see, then from that meaning, they go down to what it means for them, or what kind of struggles they are personally facing as a result of what they say. So it trickles down to something a lot more deeper, but there are deeper levels of understanding and expression that takes place when there is good accurate responding that happens from the counselor. Okay, it also helps the counseling to think and articulate more clearly. And the more that you respond, the more the more ground that they get, the more clarity that they get, okay, they are able to read the map much better. It also helps the counseling very often to arrive at a solution of their own, right? They as you keep responding as you keep helping them explode those thoughts and feelings, they themselves can come up with a certain solution or their own problem. It also helps you to clarify what you need to do, what kind of a role as a counselor you're playing there. So through the response of the counseling, through the sharing of the counseling, they will bring about expectations as you continue to respond. And of course, it helps the counselor deal effectively with the problem or the specific needs that that the counselor raises. So when you look at this skill, it's one of the most important skills through counseling, because if we lose it here, our entry into the next few steps can be compromised. So to really understand how and what and just building up on this practice of how do we how we can get there. So in responding skills, what does the counselor do expresses what all that it is, is it's not really a huge thing. If you actually boil down to what it is, it is just the essence of what the content that is what is the content of what they're saying, and the emotion behind it. That's in short, that's what it is. You are looking at the content. And you're also looking at the the the mean, the feeling that goes within it. So when you look at it, responding skills is something like, you know, it's a checking out process. That is, you are expressing this essence of the content and the feeling that has been communicated to you. So as a counselor, you your response is short okay, it sucks in and stated in your own words. So it's important to check out and verify your understanding your perception of the segments of what they are communicating to you. So every segment that they are talking about is capturing a thought, it's capturing a feeling, it's capturing a meaning, or all of this fit together with some theme and which are being connected in some way. So whatever chunks of information they're sharing, you are capturing this back for them, the thought, the feeling, the meaning to it, and you're bringing it back. So in in respond in responding, you're listening to certain bite size pieces of what the counselor is telling you. And you're stating that essence in your own words. So they may like it may be certain paragraphs and you know, you kind of walk in and you kind of respond to that and push back. So when you're checking this communication, it also permits you to actually take in some workable piece of content and feelings. Otherwise, it's so much over the place that even for you, it becomes like a web, you know. So when you break down the conversation in this way, it allows both the counselor, counseling, as well as the counselor to focus on on these manageable segments of a of an entire communication. So that's that's what responding skills does. Now there are five categories of responses of responding skills. And there are five ways that you can do this. And let's just take a look at each of them in detail. And you can actually this these are something that you can, it's not that you have to do all five together. There may be sometimes you do one of them. Sometimes you may do two of them. Sometimes you do something else at the end of the session, you may do one. So it really changes. But it is to know that there are different ways that you can actually bring about a response or a skill of responding. So let's look at the first one. The first one is called the acknowledgement responses. Now what are these? These are brief, you know, your usual one, two, three word statements, or they can be even nonverbal gestures. What do these responses do? It demonstrates to the counseling that you are following the conversation. Okay. And something that we all do, that when you're talking, you say, Oh, okay. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so that's that's a very helpful technique to know that the counseling is being listened to. And there are very certain examples that's there, you know, that that we may say, or, you know, even as you are conversing, you may find that you do use this. So these are called acknowledgement responses that you are at the pace of the counseling, you are going with them. Now, these may look really simple and really silly, but these are very, very effective in good listening. It helps listen better. It helps to or even these nonverbal gestures of, you know, nodding your heads and, you know, maybe, you know, bringing your eyebrows together or following or whatever, you know, it really helps out, you know, having a wide eyed look. All of that really helps to to express to the counseling that you are part with them. Okay. Are you all with me? Everybody is there with me? Yes, please. Great. Okay. All right. So, so that's the first one. That's acknowledgement responses. Now, we're going to be looking at another one of responding skills is reflecting content. Now remember, for anyone who joined in late, reflecting and responding are used interchangeably. Okay, so don't let those words throw you out. These are, these are words that you use together. Okay. So, reflecting content. Now, what is reflecting content mean? Here, you are listening accurately to the to the counseling and you are reflecting the essence of the content in your own words. Okay. That's all that there is. They're saying something. You're listening carefully and you're reflecting the, the essence of the content to the, to the, to the counseling. So, what you're doing is you're focusing on the content of what the counseling is saying to you, which includes, now it matters what they're including. They may include thoughts. They may include ideas, facts, data. So, in content reflection, when you're doing that, the focus is the thoughts and ideas of the matter or the subject of the particular communication. If you look at the example here, here, the counseling says, my brother and I have been like cats and dogs. All right. So, you're, and the counselor says, so your brother and you have been fighting a lot recently. Right. So, it's the same content, but using it in a different, different, in using your own words. Now, why is this useful? One, it enables you to check your understanding of the content of what is being communicated to you. So, like for example, let's suppose the client, the counseling is using this. I have been like cats and dogs. Now, I know it means certain things, but there can be very many times that counselors may not even understand the meaning of that, you know, and may say it like maybe in his house, he's got cats and dogs that are very friendly. I don't know. Okay. So, what you're doing here is you are reflecting that content and you're changing it, especially when they use jargons. And there are times that, you know, especially well-read counselors or those who are very, very highly intellectual, literal, literate will give you philosophies. You know, they will not come to the point, but they will, they will make it into a philosophy so much so that, you know, you really have to break it down to simple language and bring it out, you know, and make it as simple as, you know, so they may give you like a story or they may give you like an anecdote or an example of something like a parable and then you'll have to actually break that down. Okay. So, this enables you to check your understanding of what they have said. So, this can include clarifying, you know, things like this, you know, like cats and dogs or understanding maybe certain words that they've used or certain agreements or certain plans that, you know, has come about in this. It also reduces repetition on the part of the counseling because you are able to confirm that you have understood. Okay. So, otherwise what happens is maybe when the, when the counseling kind of feels you've not picked it up, they will keep on repeating something or the other because you may be looking blank at them or, you know, you haven't responded to some real content that they've given you, like for example, you know, you may say, you know, I murdered, you know, I, I kicked his bucket. Okay. Something like that if he says it and you haven't responded and you're looking very blankly at the face and then, you know, they may continue to repeat. So, that it avoids that. Okay. It helps you as a counselor give the counseling feedback on how they are coming across, which sometimes is a, is very insightful to them because, you know, as you're listening, it gives them insights about how they are communicating or about what they are saying or about what they're understanding. So, they may say something like, oh, maybe I wasn't really clear about that, but, you know, this is what I was trying to say. So, they may become very, they may be very cryptic, but when you're actually reflecting this content, certain things that they, that they would have wanted to say, but they didn't really specify, generally comes out at points of time like this when you are reflecting that. Okay. It also helps the counseling have some direction and work towards a solution to a concern or a problem. So, reflecting content is very, very important. Just, I mean, it looks really, really simple. It looks really straightforward, but the effect, the impact it has on the counseling is massive. Okay. So, let's do a quick example here. All right. And see how do we reflect content in this, in these examples? Okay. So, I've put two examples. So, the counselor is saying, this is probably the worst, the probably the worst class I have is literature. It's a student telling you that probably the worst class I have is literature. Okay. And they're talking about their literature class. So how do you respond with this content? Okay. This is practice time. Okay. So, everybody jump in. Really? Go ahead, Che. Oh, you said really? Is that what you said? Okay. Really? Am I correct? That's the, that's the acknowledgement response. This is the reflection. You're reflecting the content of what the counselor is saying. Anybody, come on. All of you, you know, jump in please. Please, please join the gang. Okay. Literature is a difficult subject for you. Okay. All right. You mean the class is boring? Okay. All right. Okay. See, this is, you know, good. I thank you, thank you for bringing that because see the way that it sounded to you is that it's boring. Right. And when you're actually reflecting your understanding, they will come back and say something to you. Okay. Good. Good. Keep trying. Good. You really don't like literature, don't you? Okay. You don't seem to like your literature classes much. What other classes are bad? Okay. Good. Good. Well, sorry. Go ahead. I didn't, didn't hear the whole thing. It seems you do not like the literature class. Okay. Good. Okay. So this is fairly very simple. And, you know, you can say, you can say that it seems like this year has been rough for you, especially when it comes to literature or, you know, this year seems to be challenging with literature. So good. You know, say all that you're doing is just reflecting back. Let's look at the next one. This has been a really rough year. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Am I on the right? Yeah. Okay. This has been a really rough year for me. How would you respond to this one? This has been a rough year for me. Has anyone responded? You mean things are not going well with you this year. Okay. Good. Good. You seem overwhelmed by the complexity of this subject. Okay. That was great. Great. Okay. So yeah, I think, I think you, you'll have lots of ups and downs this year for you. Great. Good. So you've got the idea. Right. You're just ensuring that you're reflecting content seems like you had challenges this year. Right. Is this anything? Is there anything? Is there anything? Is there anything that didn't go well with you? Okay. You're reflecting content here. So the best thing to do over here is avoid questions. Okay. It really helps to avoid questions. Now, I mean, statements are fine. Like, I think one, someone's written lots of ups and downs this year for you. I mean, that's like you are reiterating something and they may say, yeah, that's right. Okay. But avoiding questions as to is this, you know, is there anything that else that didn't go well with you? Stay with what the person is talking. So that's what we follow in responding, reflecting content. So let's go to the next one. Reflecting feeling. Okay. Now, if you remember, reflecting content was you listen accurately and you bring back the content. Reflecting feeling is you're listening accurately and you are responding to the feeling component of the communication that the councillor has said. So it is listening and naming the emotional state of the other person in your own words. Now, this involves stating a feeling word that really captures the emotion of the councillor. So what it means is it involves expressing in your own words those essential feelings that are stated or which is implied. They may not state it, but they may imply it in some way in their communication. Now, the purpose of reflecting feeling is to bring vague feelings or expressions of feelings into very clear awareness. So, you know, very often others talk about their feelings as it or them as the feelings were not a part of themselves. So what you're doing is to really help to bring into a complete awareness as they are talking or as on what they are feeling. And I think this is very important for us as those who are in the ministry of helping to have an understanding of the different kinds of feeling words. Often we have these three upset, upset, sad, depressed, maybe two, three, excited. Okay. But there are so many more. And you know, you just look up listening, I mean, sorry, the feeling words, you will find a whole lot of a spectrum of that. And it's good to know, it's good to keep, to build your vocabulary on that, because it really works to reflect this feeling. Okay. Now, when you reflect feelings, it also, what it does is it assists the counseling to own their feelings that this is my feelings. Now feelings are often very central are more central than the content in the other person's conversation. Okay. Now, even as even though they're giving you a lot more content, it is laden with emotion. Okay. And 80 to 90% of counselors will not state an emotion will not state a feeling. And that is our job to be able to bring out and respond to what you think is that they are feeling. Okay. So, and, and as they are becoming more aware, you know, either of their both their positive or their negative feelings, it is important that they need to express that, especially when they have strong emotions. And this reflecting exercise allows the counseling to repeat and participate in this process. Okay. So look at this example, it says, the counseling says, it seems that no matter how hard I try, or how much I do it, I cannot get comfortable with cold calling. Now, this is someone who is, who's a, what do you call them? A telemarketer. Okay. Yeah, telecollar, a telemarketer, who does, you know, who just needs to call people randomly for the business. So it says, she says, it's just so icky to me, but I know that I have to do it to acquire more clients. Okay. And counselor says, and that's frustrating for you, because it's a big part of your job right now. And you wish you could feel more at ease doing it. So here, the, the counseling has not said anything about what they feel about it. But through the sentence, you can, you can deduce that it's something that she has to do, but something that's so hard, and it's becoming very, very frustrating or very annoying, or it's very disturbing to her. Okay. And this is, this is what the counseling expresses. Okay. So that's what listening to the feeling would mean. Okay. Let's, let's, let's look at an example now. Oh, sorry. Okay. So what do you do in, while you're using these feeling reflections, these are, these are some ways that you can begin your response. So you can say, you feel, you sound, you look, you're feeling, you're sounding, you're looking. It's helpful to understand this, because it, it helps to, you know, how are you going to begin a certain sentence? Okay. So it's just some help on how do you begin the sentence? And these are some ways that you could start, you could begin a sentence. Okay. Yes, Christopher, I think you have a question. Oh, yes. No, actually, I just wanted to make an observation on the, on the previous, on your previous slide on, on cold calling, I think the, the feeling word probably, at least it came to me was this feeling of being icky, you know, you know, that the person was expressing. So I, I mean, I know that, I mean, I have a real life example, you know, my, my wife actually used to work for the search firm, executive search firm. And she was expected to get clients by, by calling up companies and in actually not even revealing who she was and which companies she was actually, you know, representing. So she actually had to lie. And that's what actually made her feel, feel quite very, very icky. If that's the right word to use. And that was actually the, the reason why, you know, she didn't want to make these calls, or she didn't actually want to work at this kind of in this, in this company, because she was actually expected that she was trained to lie and, you know, call these companies and, you know, try and get, get an understanding of, you know, some, some prospective clients who could, you know, be candidates for, for certain positions. Yeah. So that's good. So what happens here is like, like Christopher was saying, so let's say the counselor brings in a statement like this, and that's frustrating for you, because it's a big part of your job. I mean, she says that, and then the counselor would probably say, you know, say, yeah, you know, I'm very uncomfortable with it. And maybe then it's where you explore a bit more, what frustrates you about cold calling? Okay. Or you can say, you know, I, I, I did notice that you used the word icky. Could you flesh that out a little bit for me? What, what do you feel when you're actually cold calling? So that, you know, when you're doing that, that really helps to it builds a lot more depth about, and they're able to also articulate, okay, this is what I don't like about cold calling. And, and they will find a lot more of, you know, depth into what is going on. Yeah. So yeah, so that's, that's, thank you for that. Yeah. Okay. So let's take an example. So your counselor says, this sure has been a horrible week. Nothing went right at the job. And my wife and I argued all the time. So how would you like to reflect the feeling in this? Okay, you can put down your responses on the chat. So how do you reflect the feeling in this one? You sound upset. Okay, it looks like you had a tough week at work and on the person in front, or you sound disappointed. Okay. Good. Good. What about the rest? Some more, some more responses. You must be feeling messed up. Okay. Okay. Good. So, so there, there again, you're getting the flow. Okay. So you could, you could, there are the things of, you know, I imagine how disappointed you may be feeling with the way that your week has turned out, you know, you feel that nothing's gone right with you this week. So, so, you know, they will, they will learn to explore that a little bit more. Okay. Good. The fourth one is reflecting meaning. Now, what does this mean? So we went through reflecting content. Is that a question? Yes, Samuel, you have a question. Thank you, Pastor. Pastor, in the previous one, so there were two, the, the councillor was giving two things, saying two things. One was rough week at work and fighting with the wife. I think it would be, I mean, I was connecting the two. And is, is that something we should avoid? Or like, because the councillor is clearly saying two things, like he's saying, I had a very rough week at work and I also had a fight with my wife. And so it was more like, you know, is it because the rough week at work, which led him to fight with the wife every day. So I was about to make that connection. So that would probably be in, in the next one that we're talking about, about reflecting meaning, where you are connecting something together, right, where you are reflecting, you're not just listening, but you reflected the content and the feeling. So you, that's what you're doing. And that's what we are going into. Okay. So that's what you've probably, when you've fit the two together, connected the two together, you've made some kind of a meaning out of that. And that's what you are reflecting to the, to the thing or you're saying something like, you know, you feel, you feel quite tired out because these things aren't going well for you. And you feel one feeds into the other. So you've made a meaning out of that. Okay. And that's what this would mean. So reflecting feeling is where you are listening carefully. And you are combining the feeling and the content. So you're reflecting the essence of both the content and the feeling. Now, reflecting meanings is, you know, often the content and the feelings are usually tied together. And that's where you use words like because or when, okay. And if you, when you connect, you will use those words like because or when. So this involves understanding and reflecting the feeling and the related content in your own words. So the formula that usually, that you see that, that usually that take places, you feel really so, so here the counselor says, I just don't understand my boss. One minute he has one thing to say. And the other he changes it completely. Okay. So you could say things like you feel really confused by him, because he seems so fickle minded. Okay. So I'm sorry that I hadn't put that up. So the general formula that you will use is you feel something about something or you feel something when something or you feel something because something. So this is the way in which you put it together. So listening well involves the reflecting meanings. And if you can use all of these that we describe together, you know, it really helps to reflect the essence of, of what your counselor is saying. Okay. So let's look at another example on this. Okay. My supervisor is always after me, micromanaging me. He just has no clue how hard I work. How would you reflect meaning in this one? What is he trying to say here? Okay. So try and make meaning just not the feeling. Okay. So don't just say, okay, you seem to be upset, you seem to be, but use the because or the that or something where you're attaching the meaning. Yes, Shay, please go ahead. It looks like your supervisor doesn't believe in your strength, in your competence. That's why yeah, it looks like your supervisor doesn't believe in your competence. That was that's what I would say. Yeah. All right. Okay. That's good. That's good. So there's another one you feel your supervisor doesn't trust you enough. He's keeping a close eye. Okay. Remember feeling and remember, you know, try and use the formula as best as possible because then, you know, you're sure you won't really go wrong there. Okay. So so something that you could also say, you know, you feel it's it's very important for you that your supervisor recognizes your hard work. So here he hasn't said that, but you're making meaning to it that, you know, it's really important for you. I just sense that you feel it's it's important for you that that he recognizes your work. I mean, although you're frustrated with what he's doing, you are still hoping that he will recognize your hard work. So you've kind of made a meaning to that in order to help them understand, you know, that's why you also tend to build a goal on on on on what they would like to work on. Okay. Probably the goal is to maybe go talk to the supervisor and and and that's that's when you when you're reflecting a meaning like that, it helps to build that up. Okay. I think some more responses. It seems you think that your supervisor's on your tail and that he doesn't see the effort you put into what you do. Yeah. Excellent. Good. Good. Good job. Okay. So let's go to the next. Okay, I'm just going to skip that. The last one is reflective summarizing. Now, what is this? This is you are listening accurately. And as well, you are reflecting the main points that is usually reflective summarizing happens maybe at the end of a session or at the end of, you know, a big part or a big size piece of the communication that they're saying. So it really reflects the main points of what what is being said. So summarizing really condenses all that a person has person has said in two or three statements. And this process requires that that you have heard those manageable segments. So when you're able to kind of, you know, like let's say, it's a 15 minute conversation. And every three minutes, you've kind of now this is just for our understanding, you don't do it every three minutes, you do it as in when, you know, you do find a need or, you know, there are important thing pointers done. That process of reflecting requires that you hear that. And following each of those segments, you are actually expressing your perception of that entire segment and checking that accuracy with the with your with the counseling. Okay. Now, now quickly just going into, you know, what do you do? How do you figure out? How do you do it? What is the process of of responding? Is there is there a specific, you know, does it involve something? And I just put this down because I think it really helps to understand. So there are four processes to it. Okay. Or this is the way that you would do it. The first is you're taking in cues. And as your counseling is talking, you listen and record cues in these three areas. One is the content that is what they're actually stating or the content of what they are stating. The second is the feeling that is the feeling that is stated or implied. They may not really say the feeling, but they may imply the feeling and the context is the is what you know, or or you're aware of that is related to the, to the conversation, but maybe isn't communicated where communicated very well. Okay. So, so the, so these are the three things that you would, you would bring up the content, you take the cues of the content, the feelings and the context of what they're saying. Okay. The next you do it, you sort it out. What are you doing? Sorting is you are going through these cues and you're arriving at a certain understanding or let's say a judgment about this particular chunk of information that they've shared, so that you sort it out. Okay. What is important? What should I take? What, what is it that I need to bring back? The third is you come to a conclusion. You're determining what the essence of this communication is and you formulating a certain sentence about what you think that the councillor is trying to say. I'm sorry. And the last one is expressing it, where you're expressing the essence of what you have, of what you have understood. So, so in this, you are bringing your own words and you're checking out whether you are, you've been understood or not. And you're reflecting this, this as well as the word. So, you, you reflect this back to them. So, in short, this is what you do. You're taking in cues from their conversation. You sort out and you, you glean out all that is not necessary. You come to a conclusion and then you are, you are in short just expressing that. Okay. Now, you need to be careful of something that is called as high risk responses. Now, just quickly, we'll just quickly go through this. These aren't in your notes, but I'm, but then I just, you know, this is just added extra information for you all to understand. Now, what are high risk responses? These are, that is when you're listening to a statement, when you take off the focus from, it is when you take the focus off the councillor and generate negative feelings towards them. These are interfering responses that are inappropriate, especially when the councillor has a very strong need or when there is a specific strong problem or a strong feeling. So, usually people use high risk responses when they are not, when they think they are listening. Okay. Now, the communication, the process of communication is generally frustrated and blocked when you as a councillor use these high risk responses because they are experienced by the councillor as an interference and inappropriate when they have something else that they would want to talk about. Now, these fall under three categories and this is the first one is evaluating and judging. It is what you're doing here is you're changing the focus of the conversation by shifting it from the councillor's concerns to your own interpretation or to your own judgment or your agreement or your disagreement. So, the subtle message is what is being sent. Okay. And the, that subtle message is, you know, here there's something wrong with you and you don't know what you're doing. So, evaluating or judging changes the focus from what they want to share to your own diagnosis or your own interpretation of it. And that is what is called a high risk response. Okay. And some of those, some of those examples that we can look at is, I'm just picking up my examples that I've written here so that I didn't forget. Yeah. So, you may, so certain evaluating or judging would be when you're making evaluations of the other person by disagreeing or agreeing or criticizing or blaming. Like, you know, you're saying, I don't agree with that. Right. Or you're, you're not right on that. Or even for the fact that, you know, you're saying you're absolutely right. Okay. So, all of this is you've bought in a sense of judgment or when you criticize or blame, that is you make the other person kind of feel as if they're stupid or, you know, that they're foolish about something or like you're stereotyping them. So, like you said, like, you know, you may make a response like, you know, that's a very stupid thing to say. Or, you know, I don't think you did it right there, isn't it? You know, so that becomes more of an evaluation or a judgment. Okay. The second category is solving. Solving is side tracking your counsellor's communication by moving it to a solution that is generally offered by you. So either, you know, your questions, your advice, or your threats, or your moralizing or problem solving can generally interfere with the, with the counsellor, exploring their thoughts and feelings that lead to solutions which actually address the heart of the matter. So when you bring in a premature solution, even before they have actually gone to a place of feeling, then we are giving out a high-risk response. And this gives a subtle message that, you know, you're really too dumb to figure this out yourself and I will tell you. Okay. So it puts you up on a one-up position and these responses are inappropriate when, and it can bring the counsellor to be in a place of defense or in a place of quietness and, you know, not really feeling the sense of having brought out whatever has been bothering them. The third one is withdrawing. Withdrawing is distracting the counsellor from their agenda by assuring them that nothing is wrong or everything will be all right or diverting them to another agenda. Okay. Let's, let's talk about this one today. The subtle message that you're giving is, you know, I'm, I don't know what to do with what you have just said over here. Right. That's what, that's the kind of message that you give when you say, no, I don't know why you're feeling so bad. It's, it's absolutely okay. You know, you've been such a strong person. You've been doing such a, such an excellent job. So what happens in, in this sense of withdrawing is you're, you're reassuring. Okay. Trying to make the other person feel better. You know, you're, you're talking them out of their feelings or you're tending to divert it by, you know, changing the focus by kidding them or doing, we usually do that with children, right? They, they come in and they're whining at you and then you say, oh, look at that doggy there or, you know, let's go buy chocolate. Now, all of that is what we call as a sense of withdrawing. Now, these are certain responses that we have to be extremely careful about. Okay. All right. So this is part of responding, understanding what responding is. Now, is there, is there, is there any, any question here? Any, any specific question before we stop for a break and come back? Okay. All right. So what we're going to do is we're going to come back and I'll tell you what we're going to do once we get back. So you can get a nice hot cup of coffee, some biscuits. For those of you who need to eat your dinner, go ahead and come back full and satisfied. Meet you in 10 minutes, 10.53 on my clock. We'll meet at 11.03.