 Okay, so there's one thing that if you do it enough with a man, that whether you're dating right now, whether you're single and dating, or whether you've been in a relationship for 20 years, there's one thing, and if you do this one thing with a guy consistently enough, over time what's going to end up happening is that he is going to lose all of his love for you. Your value will drop, plummet in his eyes, and if you're in a relationship with him, it'll actually rot the relationship from the inside out until he no longer is even interested in you and he doesn't want to be with you anymore. And so today we're going to be talking about this subject, and if we're going to be talking about exactly what this one thing is, and then I'm going to tell you exactly what it looks like in a relationship. So hello, my name is Matthew Coast, and welcome to Commitment Connection. This is your first time here, make sure you subscribe. And if you're really serious about getting into a relationship where you feel valued and seen and cherished as the woman that you are, then make sure you go to TheGoddessCommunity.com and check out joining our community there for free. And so today I'm going to be talking about this one thing that will absolutely destroy a man's attraction for you, his love for you, and his interest for you. And so what is that one thing? This one thing is acting like you don't deserve him. And so if you do this enough, it'll destroy any attraction that a man has for you. If you meet a guy and you act like this in front of him, he'll immediately lose any interest that he had for you. And so I'm going to tell you how this kind of manifests in your behavior and why it kind of manifests in your behavior if you have a belief of this within yourself. And so if you're here with us right now, make sure that you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching this from because it's really cool to see all these people from all over the world watching our live streams. And so acting like you don't deserve him, which actually comes from a belief usually that you don't deserve him or that you don't deserve a great guy, or you don't deserve a guy, or that you're not lovable, or that nobody wants you or something like that, right? There's a belief that you have a thought that you have over and over and over that you've emotionalized that says that you don't really deserve what it is that you want, or you don't deserve something good. And it's one of those things where if you have something like this, like it's you're not alone, like most people have something like this in some area of their life where they feel like they don't deserve what it is that they want and it ends up sabotaging everything that they they want. One of the things that I talk about is this idea when we talk about framing, which is a big concept that I've talked about in a lot of different videos. And framing is this idea of like, it's like, what goes around all of the interactions that you have, what you have outside external frames, which is your interactions, and how things are like what the meaning is behind the interactions, but you also have internal frames, which then dictate your external frames. And so if you have a belief inside yourself that says that you're not worthy, what you're going to start doing is you're going to sabotage things, you're going to start acting out and act in behaving in ways that that exhibit that you don't deserve the things that you want. And people around you are going to start thinking that you don't deserve what you want, because whoever is most certain about their frames and their belief systems are the people that pass those on, right? And so it doesn't matter how much a guy likes you, or how much a guy loves you, or how much a guy thinks of you as amazing and beautiful and awesome, and like you deserve love. If you don't believe it, eventually it's going to wear on him and destroy his beliefs as well. And so how does this manifest? How does this look to somebody else when you're interacting with them? How do you behave when you have a thought that you don't really deserve a guy or a good guy or the right guy or the guy that's in front of you? How do you behave? So one of the ways that you do this is chasing after him, after he pulls back or he takes space for himself. And so there's kind of this big kind of confusion thing in both the men and the women's dating side. This is actually a big problem with men as well, where women pull away. Like a lot of women don't know this because they just see from their own side where they're like, oh, men pull away all the time. Why are men always pulling away? When women actually do it too, it's a big problem that a lot of men have in the women's dating side. And so there's a lot of videos in the men's dating space asking why women pull away, right? So it's kind of interesting. But when a guy pulls away, there's a concept that I talk about and it's this thing called pacing, right, mirroring his interest. And if he pulls away and he backs off and you really believe that you deserve somebody who treats you well and you believe that you deserve a great guy, what you're going to do is you're not going to chase after him and try to fight him and try to force him to act away that you think that he should act. What you're going to do is you're going to relax and you're going to lean back and you're going to find somebody that you think is behaving well or that believes that you're valuable and you're going to chill out and relax. And that's what a person who believes that their high value would do because they aren't one, they're not putting all of their eggs in one basket, right? They're not just, there's one dude and this is the only woman that, the only guy that she's dating and so she's got all everything contingent on him liking her, right? So she's she's hanging out with other guys. I'm really trying to push this whole abundance thing on everybody because it's so, so powerful and it's really, really powerful. But anyway, the point is, is that if you want his love and his desire to grow, you have to give him some space and you have to pull back a little bit. And if he pulls back, you know, let him pull back and just mirror his interests, his signs of interest, because that's what gives him room to breathe and allows his fire of desire to grow into a flame of love, right? That sounded actually pretty cool. Maybe I'll write that down and quote myself on that later. I've been looking for quotes, I've been looking for quotes to put out there. Anyway, all right, so the second way that a lot of women will manifest this, this idea of acting like they don't deserve a guy is constantly calling, texting, messaging him, trying to be connected to him all the time, day and night, getting upset when you're not and when you haven't talked in a day or two, right? And a lot of women don't realize and it's one of those things where this might not actually be you feeling like you don't deserve a good guy. But it might be something where you don't understand that this is normal communication behavior for a lot of people. And so what ends up happening, whether you are acting this way because you feel like you don't deserve a guy or whether you're acting this way because you don't know that that's like most people have kind of time between kind of communications days sometimes between communications especially in the beginning dating phases. This can put a guy off because it seems like it feels like you're kind of coming from the space of desperation, the space of neediness and the space of feeling like you don't deserve it. So you have to do something in order to make it happen, right? Which is the flip side where we do get a lot of women in our community who do this where they kind of grasp on and they feel like they have to be doing something all the time in order to make a guy feel a certain way, which is this kind of like trick. It's this counterintuitive thing where that actually pushes him further away rather than making him feel closer to you. And so yeah, all it does is it just tells him that you're needy, desperate and that he has to act a certain way for you to feel good about yourself and that just makes him want to pull away even further. And so just chill out. We talked about pacing, pull back a little bit, relax, have other things going on in your life. I talk a lot about that. That's kind of the lifestyle component that we talk about here. The next one is doing all the work, planning all the dates, what you're going to do, sucking up all of his time with your own plans and becoming basically the lifestyle planner of his life or the event planner of his life where you're doing everything and the reason that you're doing everything, it could be a couple different things. It could be that it doesn't matter. One of the things that the point of a lot of this is that it doesn't matter whether you are doing this because you're coming from a place of neediness and feeling like you're not deserving or whether you're doing it because you watched your mom do it with you and the other kids and your mom was a single mom and so she was doing this all the time and you started doing it or whether you're doing it because that's one of the ways that you show love or whatever. When you do this it makes him kind of lean back and it makes him feel like he's not invested in the relationship at all and you're doing all this work and you're getting exhausted doing all this stuff and it kind of makes him feel like he doesn't even know what's going on anymore. It's like you're doing all the work and he's just hanging out like I don't even know what's going on here. Am I in a relationship? You know she's doing everything and I'm not involved at all and the best thing to do in a situation like that if you're in kind of a situation like that is to just relax and pull back and we keep talking about pulling back lean back a little bit and chill out because it'll show you a lot about what's going on with him and if you've been doing this for a really, really long time it might be a little bit confusing for him but you want him to be investing in the relationship as well and so if you're doing everything right what's going to end up happening is he's going to feel like he's not even really a part of it and he can kind of leave whenever he wants to and there's no kind of real investment in being in the relationship which is it's actually kind of a psychological principle that we have where if you feel like if you're not doing anything and you're not a part of something it's easy for you to walk away from it but the more active and involved you are in something the more you're going to feel like you're like really invested in this thing right which is why the whole idea of leaning back and letting a guy pursue and letting the guy invest is so important because the more he invested he is the more he's going to feel like he doesn't want to let you go and the more he's going to feel like he really values you right and so you don't want to you don't want to be the person that's doing everything because you're going to feel like you really value him and you're really invested in it and he's going to feel like he doesn't really value you all that much and he's not that invested in it and it's it's it really seems kind of counterintuitive because it's like oh I'm doing all this right he must appreciate it well he's not going to appreciate it for a multitude of different reasons and one of them has to do with the whole scarcity thing that I've talked about in some of the other videos if you get what I'm talking about here let me know just say hey I get it I get it in the chat if you don't get it if you don't get what I'm talking about just ask a questions that ask me what what it is that you don't get about what we're talking about what are you confused about the next one the next part of what kind of you know acting like you don't deserve him is constantly trying to see where you stand with a guy what you mean to him whether he thinks your boyfriend girlfriend or not asking him where this is all going forcing him and locking him down into a relationship or commitment or marriage before he's ready and so it I don't want you to get confused with making sure that you're getting yourself into a good situation which is like hey I'm not going to sleep with him without knowing whether we're going to be exclusive or whether he's interested in a relationship what I'm talking about is trying to get him to be exclusive and getting him to be in a relationship which is a vastly different thing right one is communicating what your needs are setting a boundary and saying hey I'm not doing any more here unless I'm getting what it is that my needs fulfilled and the other one is trying to force something to happen so that you can so that you can have a result that you want to have even though trying to force it is actually more likely to make things blow up and for him to pull away and for him to not want it but that's a that's a whole I actually talk about this in detail in my new program the forever woman if you're interested in that just go to the goddess community calm and sign up there you can get it for free right now I'm giving it away for free not sure how long I'm gonna do that so you should go check it out the goddess community calm go check it out join our community there for free get the forever woman program all right the next one is trying to force a relationship to work when he's on the fence about you or isn't that into you and so this is good this is going back to the thing that we're just talking about with the whole force thing which is a big topic right it's it's this idea of force versus power right you're trying to make something happen and anytime that you're trying to make something happen what it indicates to another person is that there's something off about it right and when it comes to relationships the the power the monogamy the like the love all the stuff that you want all the good things him valuing you that comes from a space of him choosing right that comes from a space of power that comes from a space of letting him make that choice that he wants you and that he loves you and that he wants to do these for things from for you and you can kind of guide him along with some of your language but when you're trying to force him to do anything whether you're trying to make a relationship work or you're trying to you know get him to be exclusive or you know and this happens a lot especially in friend with benefits casual type relationships where they're trying to force something to happen instead of allowing him to choose it right which is a much much more powerful way to do it then it's it's just gonna he's it's just gonna destroy your value in his eyes it's gonna make him realize make him think in his mind that that you don't really believe that you deserve it which is why you have to force it because if you did believe that you deserve that you wouldn't you wouldn't be trying to force it you wouldn't be trying to force it you'd be finding a guy who choose who chose it right and you wouldn't be getting into situations where you weren't getting your needs met and you weren't getting your needs fulfilled from the beginning all right so the next one is trying to convince a man that you're right for each other and that so try to convince a man that you're right for each other that you're a good match that he should pick you or that you're exactly what he's looking for and so if you are trying to convince a man and i get this all the time right like this usually happens when a woman isn't getting her needs met right a guy's not pushing things forward he's not moving things forward a lot of times what will happen is a woman will start trying to convince a guy that they're good for each other or if he's he doesn't want to be exclusive she'll start you know counting all the ways that they're good for each other if he if he breaks up with her you know and they meet up again as friends she'll start talking about all the things that you know the reasons why they're good for each other and they're perfect for each other and we're such a great match and you should pick me because we're like there's no other woman that'll treat you as well as i will right and all these things of like trying to convince a guy and that just makes him feel like you're not like you're not the right person for him and so it just comes off as really needy behavior and it shows that you don't get men and that you don't get relationships and that he's just too good for you and so you need to prove to him that you're worthy of his time his tension and his love and really this only it just turns guys off it just turns him off right because he doesn't he doesn't it doesn't make him think right like a lot of women are like oh well men think you know logically and more men are more logical they're the more logical you know of the sexes right and men don't make decisions based on logic right it might seem like they make decisions based on logic and there might be more logic that goes into decisions opposed to being you know just feeling stuff out and stuff like a lot of women sometimes do but guys make decisions based on how they feel right and if he feels a certain way and i'm gonna do a live stream on this and maybe next week where if a guy feels a certain way about you then he's going to he's gonna move things forward he's going to push things forward he's going to fall in love with you he's going to do all the things that you want him to do because he he feels it right and he feels like it's the right thing to do like guys don't buy nice cars because you know nice cars are logical logical things to have right guys buy nice cars for a lot of different reasons one of them is because they feel good they want to feel like they're important they want to impress women they want to do all kinds of things right and so that's why that's why men do things just because of their motions next one is trying to get him to show emotions by accusing him of misbehaving creating drama or acting up and a lot of women a lot of women do this because they know that uh a lot of guys care right and they they but there's they want they want to sorry that they want to know that a guy cares right and but there's better ways to know that he cares and that's through his actions and how he's behaving right and and if he's doing things or he's not doing things that you think that he needs to be doing you you shouldn't be trying to force him and you shouldn't be shaming him and you shouldn't be doing all those kinds of things i mean you can if you want to but that's not going to get you the result that you want right and sometimes i'll talk to women about this and they're like oh i can't believe you'd say that i shouldn't shame him you know because i you know he misbehaves so i'm gonna shame him it's like okay go ahead you know but see where that gets you and it's you know short term it might get you what you want because the guy's gonna be like okay just shut up i'm gonna do whatever you want me to do but long term it doesn't work right trying to force this is back to the whole forcing thing forcing guys to do things you're you're far more likely to sabotage your situation than you are to help it next one is being jealous of him seeing like hanging out with other women or seeing other women or going on dates with other women when you're not exclusive asking a bunch of questions trying to find out whether he's dating other women or not or accusing him of dating other women when you don't know whether he's dating other women or not right and sometimes this could be an intuition thing that happens and he is dating other women and again we're talking about whether you know if you're not exclusive with a guy and we keep getting this like there's these women in our community that keep asking these questions where they're like oh you know i've been seeing this guy and he's been doing all these different things you know and that to me indicates that we're exclusive or in a relationship or this is something more but i started asking him questions about it because i'm not really sure whether he you know is seeing other women or not and i don't think he should be seeing other women it's like if you guys haven't talked about this like get it like this is so so vitally important if you haven't talked about it just assume that he is if you haven't talked about being in a relationship assume that you're not if you haven't talked about being exclusive assume assume that you're not and assume that he's seeing other people and so you have to make sure that you're putting yourself in good situations from the very beginning and most women don't usually come to me because they're in great situations and things are going really well which is why i think it's so important that you have a system that you go through that helps make sure that you get into good situations from from now on right and from wherever you are to wherever you want to be which is why I put together the forever woman pitch yeah anyway so obviously if you're an exclusive relationship your man shouldn't be seeing other women right and if you're not in an exclusive relationship it's really none of your business just like it's none of his business whether you're seeing other people or not and and again you shouldn't ignore red flags and if you're exclusive you shouldn't be you shouldn't put up with him seeing other people ever right and if he does it once and you guys are exclusive and he lies to you and he starts seeing other people just assume that he's going to do it again in the future and he's going to keep doing it again and again and again because he's probably not going to change that behavior especially if you're forgiving him and then getting back into a relationship with him you have to cut things off you got to you got to cut things off so and regardless of whether you're exclusive or not you can't control his behaviors that's going back to the whole force thing if you're exclusive and you catch him seeing other people the correct response is to break up with him it's not to attack him it's to break up with him because you're a valuable woman and you don't have time for this petty nonsense and you're not so petty to attack and put up with a guy seeing other women when you're exclusive so the next one and the last one you I don't know is this this is seem like it's running on long here talking about how you ruin things with men destroy your relationships sabotage your dates men don't like you or something about or something about you and men only want sex with you etc etc etc right if you go out on dates and women do this all the time right because a lot of women they feel like they need to kind of like continue connecting with a man especially if he's not talking and a lot of times guys won't talk and so she'll just start talking about stuff and then she'll start like airing all of her baggage like this happens on dates if you never got on a date with a girl before she tried going out on dates with women because it's really interesting and so a lot of times what women will do is they'll just start talking about like things that are going on in the relationships other relationships they've had what's going on in their dating life and a lot of times they'll start talking about how they destroy their relationships and how they ruin everything with men and if you find that you you think this way or that you believe this or this is the truth of your situation what you need to do is fix that you need to fix that before you start going out and sabotaging more relationships because it's a pattern that you have to break and get through instead of just continuing on so if it basically what it does when you do this and when you start telling guys this if a guy is young or immature or really not thinking about things he might put up with it especially if he thinks that you're really pretty he might put up with it but if a guy's kind of figured things out and he's been on some dates and he's dated a few people in his life what it ends up being is just this giant red flag to him where he's like oh she sabotages all of her dates she destroys all of her relationships she does all that she's gonna do the same thing with me right because most people live in patterns right which is why I was talking about that guy if a guy is you're exclusive with a guy and he starts seeing other people and you catch him he's going to continue doing that because it's a pattern it's a pattern with him he wouldn't do it if it wasn't a pattern and so these are also patterns that men will see okay and so if that was it that was it so again we're talking about the number one thing that will destroy a relationship and destroy a man's attraction and it's acting like you don't deserve him and so i'm going to go over all of them again real quick and if you have a question for me if you want to ask a question about anything just throw it in the chat and i will be going over the questions here in a minute and so and before we we move on if you're really serious about getting into a relationship where you're valued and you're loved and you're seen as an amazing woman that you want to be valued and loved and seen as make sure you go to the goddesscommunity.com and check out joining our community there for free and also getting a copy of the forever woman for free for joining our community as well so that's it and so again acting like you don't deserve him chasing him chasing after him when he pulls back or takes space for himself constantly calling texting and messaging him trying to be connected to him all the time day and night and getting upset when you're not or when you haven't talked in a day or two doing all the work planning all the dates what you'll do sucking up all of his time and his plans with your own plans excuse me constantly trying to see where you stand with a guy what you mean to him whether he thinks your boyfriend girlfriend yet asking him where this is going forcing him and locking him down into a relationship or commitment or marriage before he's ready trying to force a relationship to work when he's on the fence about you or isn't that into you trying to convince a man that you're right for each other that you're good match that he should pick you or that you're exactly what he's looking for oh god this stuff is horrible trying to get him to show emotions by accusing him of misbehaving creating drama or acting up being jealous of him seeing other women asking him a bunch of questions trying to find out if he's dating other women or accusing him of dating other women again don't ignore red flags and if you're exclusive you know make sure that you're you know if he if you do suspect this kind of stuff that you don't put up with it and that you find out the truth before you you know before you start attacking or leaving which is what you should do if you find out that he is seeing other people when you're exclusive talking about how you ruin things with men destroying your own relationships sabotaging your dates men don't like you or something about you men only want sex with you etc etc etc right you're when you talk to a guy about those things basically you're teaching him about how one how to treat you and two what happens when you're in relationships and so yeah that's that let's go hello hello hello hello everyone what do we have uk oh melissa's from colorado on from colorado donna says what is he really is too good for me but he's still interested in me you need to rethink that donna like seriously what if he's too good for me but he's still interested in me what you need to do is reframe your thought process around that start you know like really i mean think about it so so our thoughts create our world right and if you think that he's too good for you you know like you're going to start experiencing that you're going to witness it and eventually you're going to end up driving him away and so what you need to do is you need to reframe your mind you need to change your thoughts and the fastest way to do that is to start creating doubt right create doubt within yourself about this belief right so create doubt you know maybe it's just question it question your your belief right if your belief is he's too good for me you know question that you know maybe he's not too good for you like you know what evidence do you have that he you know that that you're perfect for each other or that you know you're too good for him or that you know he's exactly right for you you know what what evidence do you have that that says that it's he isn't too good for you right just look at it from a couple different standpoints and try to create doubt around it and then find the belief that you do want to have which is you know some probably something like you know you're good enough you're good enough or you deserve to have a great man in your life or you deserve to have a man of this quality in your life and then find evidence of that right like how do you know how would you know if he you were good for each other if you deserve the man like him how would you know that you know like what what evidence would you find that shows you that you do deserve a great man to have a great man in your life and that's what you want to think about and you want to emotionalize the positive thought because it's really it's all about what angel says wait wait what happened to keep it simple silly am i am i am i complicating things here this is framing and this framing and lighting looks i'm in romania right now and i'm like on a i'm on a phone this is my phone i'm in romania i'm on a phone this is the light here this is all that i have going on i'm i'm in an airbnb right now in romania and i may or may not be a vampire don't tell anybody may or may not be a vampire now because i'm in romania okay so Sharon says i start voicing out my feelings bold and beautiful says thanks i needed this today Melissa says yeah i made that mistake with this last guy angel says wait what don't chase him every person on this planet likes if not feeling wanted by somebody yeah there's a big difference between chasing somebody and making somebody feel wanted there's a huge huge difference one is kind of a movement forward and the other one is an invitation right and an acknowledgement and right because like if you're there's the those are two completely different things i don't know why you think that they're the same thing they're not even remotely the same chasing somebody and making feels somebody feel wanted or loved is totally different totally different Sharon says funny Matthew he disappeared so i guess that means he needs time see plonk says but i want to chase him don't do it don't do it kia says stop treating men like babies not sure why you treat men like babies yeah you shouldn't treat men like babies don't do that Donna says kind of reverse psychology okay angel says i feel every woman is beautiful in their own way both physically emotionally and mentally not seeking confirmation is nonsense we seek confirmation from nearly everyone nothing wrong with it okay i'm not sure what you're referring to when you're talking about that kia says exactly i agree men need to make dates thank you you're welcome Laroka says oh my god wow thank you angel says men do make dates who ask who out or approaches men majority of the time approach women give us credit yeah of course men the majority of the time approach women that's true that's how it should be that's how it works that that's how things work kia says don't be sensitive angel says i don't see women approaching men and asking for their number right no i mean it does happen definitely does happen and you know you're just talking about the very initial kind of part of the dating process bliss says i was texting and talking on the phone with three guys and went out with one of them it what it is so tiring to entertain three men at the same time i cannot keep up with three men so i got rid of them well all of them you got rid of all of them angel says what then who is it what happened to a hundred a hundred on both ends i don't know what you're talking about see plunk says my guy says he really cares about me but has been hurt so he doesn't want a relationship why can't we just do what we are doing he says why do we need to label well i mean if if you want to label you need to rethink what's going on completely with this guy right and a lot of guys have been hurt just like a lot of women have been hurt and you need to find that out like this is something this is something like and i know like once you you're in this you know i don't know how long you guys have been seeing each other see plunk but it's it's probably been a while right if you're saying my guy and which means that you know you're in um you're you're in a space of of trying to fix something right trying to fix something that's already gone wrong it's not the place to be my suggestion that you do what i talk about in the forever woman program lisa says we have been moving super slow which is a good change for me but he is a horrible communicator kelly says just found out after giving him space he was seeing someone else the whole time so what's up with that yeah what is up with that so you know it's one of those things i keep getting these women who are like oh i gave him some space and then he's you know cheated on me guys don't cheat on you when you give them space guys cheat on you because they have no integrity so this man that you're seeing either one he has no integrity or two you guys haven't talked about exclusivity and he's just doing whatever he's doing right and a lot of women do this as well and so it's not a you know if you guys haven't talked about being exclusive and you're giving him space and then you're like oh my god he's seeing other people it's like yeah of course you know you guys haven't talked about being exclusive which is why it's so vitally important to talk about it if you haven't talked about exclusivity you're not exclusive if you haven't talked about being in a relationship you're not in a relationship that's it it's as simple as that everybody everybody should know this it's so important it's like one of the most important vital basic things that you need to know about and this goes for men and women if you're a man and you haven't talked about exclusivity you're not exclusive right and this this happens on both sides and it's really really frustrating but you got to talk about it you have to you can't avoid the conversation be like oh well he treats me so nice and sweet and so he must be exclusive and we must be boyfriend girlfriend don't don't assume that don't assume that bold and beautiful says my Joel is a horrible and communication i hate that i'm quitting this relationship i can't force someone to talk to me albright says he was never that into you angel says if a guy isn't into a woman something is missing communication is key if you don't ask you won't get an answer camilla says woohoo oh yeah yeah thanks can a woman be the one to ask a man out yeah a woman can be the one to ask a man out the reason that we don't suggest it most of the time is because most women when they're trying to do these things most of the women that come to us who are trying to do these things they're like oh should i be asking a man out and the reason we say no is because it most of the time they're coming from a bad space right they're coming from a space of trying to make something happen could you ask a guy out and it go really really well and you end up getting into a great relationship and everything goes great absolutely absolutely and i don't see any problem with doing that as long as you're coming from a confident space you're coming from a space of wholeness and security and strength if you're coming from a space of neediness and trying to make something happen and you know expectations and if he doesn't do what i ask him to do then it's going to destroy my world then you need to rethink your world and then come back to it right and see if you want to do it then i know you want to make him want him to make effort but are there exceptions yeah the exception is creating an invitation right so just because you ask a man out or something doesn't mean that you're doing all the work right i mean you could be doing all the work and you could be not doing all the work and the question is which one is it right if you're if you're doing everything if you ask a guy out and you're doing everything then it can end up being really bad but if if you ask a guy out and you're giving him an if an invitation to start putting in some effort and doing stuff and to start pursuing and chasing you then that can be a really good thing right because he's going to start doing all those things and then he's going to be invested and then he's going to feel like it's great and he's going to feel like he wants to stay with you and get into a committed relationship assuming that you do you know all the things that we've been talking about in these live streams and in my program so lauren says my boyfriend taking forever to do any house project how can i talk to him without he felt i am pushing or not appreciating him well one of the things that you can do is you can do what i call framing and so i talk a lot about framing in my love frames toolkit and some of the videos that we've done before and basically framing is where you talk about things that you like you talk about things that turn you on you talk about things that make you feel womanly or appreciated you talk about things that make you feel loved right and you do these it would not in a manipulative way where you're like you know i like a man who you know does all the housework when i tell him to do the housework you know but in a loving way and especially in a way when he's done something right you're like oh man it's so it's so hot when you like when i you know you catch him right you're he's like taking out the trash and you're just like you're like oh man i feel so like uh you know like i know this is gonna sound so weird to you but it just like it's such a turn on seeing you you know do things like that for me and for us and for this household like it's just i don't know there's something that i just love about it and it's just so hot you know and you you can talk about things in that way right and if you frame things enough in those kinds of ways it'll eventually either one he'll start if you're not doing it in a manipulative way right if you're not doing it in a way where you're like you know obviously coming in and the only time you ever appreciate him and you know tell him that you find him attractive and that you tell him you know things that you like about what he is or what he's doing if you're just doing it in times where it's clear and obvious that you're trying to manipulate him into doing things he's he's gonna feel like you're manipulating right but if you're doing it a lot and you're doing it all the time right and you're doing it in different senses not all the time but like enough where it's in various different situations where he's doing things and you're appreciating him you're appreciating him for being a man you're appreciating him for the things that he does you're you're telling him that you know things that he does turns you on or that you like it or it makes you feel loved or it makes you feel womanly and you're doing it in a variety of different situations that's a part of how you communicate with him then it can be a really powerful thing because you'll start kind of taking note of the different times when you say that right and he'll be like oh yeah you know she like really like that i don't you know i don't know i just know that she likes it when i do this or when i do that and and he'll start doing it more and more and more you know if if you're doing that on top of the other things that we talk about in the program if you're doing it and you're still being needy and you're doing all these things where you're kind of pushing him away then he's not gonna want to do it right because he's gonna be like oh it's gonna start feeling like a chore to him and annoying to him that that you want him to do these things or that he has to do these things but if if you're leaning back and you're creating attraction and you're allowing the the flame to grow you know all the things that we talk about then what's gonna happen is he's going to be attracted to that and he's gonna want to do that he's gonna feel it's gonna be his choice it's gonna be coming from a place of him choosing to do these things for you because he wants you to feel great he wants you to appreciate him he wants you to love him more he wants to please you right and that's the space that he needs to be coming from when he's doing those things not maybe i just like went off on a rant there about all that but that's how you do it is is one you do what we talk about in all this stuff that we've been talking about not just in this video but some of the other ones and two you use framing and you set up frames to talk about how attractive it is when he does that kind of stuff and how how much you appreciate it and how much it feels it makes you feel like you're being taken care of and loved when he does things like that right it's it's a love language it's a acts of service love language and so you can talk about it in terms of that. Sabri says it's hard right now because he was so passionately working hard to make us work i've never seen a guy put so much of his heart and soul into pursuing me and making us work now work is over us. Angel says if he doesn't start a house project get a handyman to do it when he is home the competitive nature maybe maybe maybe not maybe not he might feel like you're replacing him like that it could it could you know some guys do have that kind of competitive nature and when you're like hey it's okay i'll do it myself or i'll get somebody else to do it for some guys that kicks in for some guys it makes them go okay whatever cool great finally you know you hired a handyman now i don't have to do it right and so you might want to you might want to think about that you might want to think about that it might not that might backfire in your face that might backfire kelly says thank you i am now looking for i'm looking to the future awesome Jackie says my boyfriend does not communicate well either it is very frustrating but Matthew is a genius thanks i have done the layback thing you talk about is a great idea he is more in love with me yeah and that's what will happen you need to allow that fire to grow you know that that flame to grow and that's what leaning back is about it's about relaxing allowing the oxygen to come into the fire and allowing the fire of love to grow and it'll happen it'll happen if you do it if you do it the right way if you do it too much the fire might get out of control and burn your house down but and you don't want that but you do want to kind of lean back a bit so Sharon says yeah i've done it when i really like a guy i move mountains uh rose says ghost Stephanie these are the best love Matthew and all these days thank you thank you appreciate that Camila says of course every woman should try to convince him with tangible arguments such as i get along with your mom also doing a compatibility horoscope and showing him that will make him prefer i hope that sarcasm because that's how i'm reading it jackie says definitely give this a shot ladies it works yep angel says we buy cars because they look nice get out of here get out of here oh yeah they look i really you know you know it looks nice you know lots of things look nice man nobody buys cars because they look nice i mean yeah so it looks nice there's a lot of things that look nice that don't cost you know 60 70 80 hundred thousand dollars that you can get i buy cars because they look nice get out of here man get just get out just get out of here all right Stephanie says uh if that was for me thank you okay so Lisa says he's pulled so far back i don't think it has anything to do with me but it both sucks and blows Helena's here hey Helena thanks for watching love you Helena i think you're amazing thank you for watching my live stream Camila says in reality all one can do is to imagine how you yourself would respond to this and that we chicks want scarcity too we don't feel we don't like feeling pressured either yes it's true it's true Donna says what if he does something wrong but he gets defensive about doing something wrong what if he well it depends on what you mean by doing something wrong and what are you doing that he's getting defensive about doing something wrong Stephanie says forcing guys laugh out loud i gave up trying to get my stepfather to do what i wanted as soon as i was like okay forget it i don't care he was all about it and did it quickly yeah Sharon so far you're re reading my mind everything i want to ask you bring up kelly says fyi i had several talks with my guy as he still lives next door from me he has lied to me and yet refuses to stop engaging me in conversation so i stonewall him instead yeah i mean if you you know one you're talking about you just said my guy right my guy and then you're like he lied to me and he refuses to stop engaging me in conversation and so it's like one you're talking about your guy so it sounds to me like you aren't over this guy too he's engaging you in conversation sounds like you're engaging in his conversations that he's having with you otherwise you wouldn't even you wouldn't it wouldn't even be a topic so stonewall him i mean if you're trying to get rid of the guy then yeah and and also don't get involved with guys that live next door don't do it there's plenty of guys out there don't get involved in guys who live next door Yvonne says in long distance relationship we were chatted six months spent two months together after he blocked me and unblocked me three times we didn't speak since may what should i do so he's blocked you and unblocked you i mean are you are you still trying to be with this guy didre says i am told my confidence scares men away maybe maybe weak men weak men weak pathetic men might scare weak pathetic men away but it's probably not your confidence that scares men away it's probably something else if you're scaring men away it's unlikely your confidence and it's probably something else unless every guy that you meet meet is just a weak wimpy dude i mean i guess it's possible roach says janette says hi matt watching from virginia beach thank you i used to live in virginia beach think the relationship i have has to go he's not available immature and just used me but will be okay okay well i hope that you are okay yvonne says he was really nice when we were together maybe he missed me and that's why he blocked me and unblocked me three times yeah i mean if a guy blocks you it's because he feels something for you right he feels something strong for you and he's like i don't want to i don't want to look at this person i don't want to think about this person i don't want to have to deal with this person i don't want to see this person's messages i don't want to see anything from this person at all so i'm just going to block them and not have to think about them for a while right until i get whatever i have until i'm over them or whatever that's usually why people block people depends on what you mean so angela angela says overly confident is awful too i think it depends on what you mean by overly confident yvonne is about to die here unfortunately so we're gonna have to we're gonna have to cut off this livestream here pretty soon well there are lots and lots of comments here oh my god there are so many comments this is great i love it i love it maybe i should just start doing question and answers moises says i've been on three dates with a guy i like but haven't seen him in two months we text but i start seeing them all he says he misses me but i should let go okay angela says how long is too long for a guy to make a decision and move ahead depends on what kind of decision you're talking about are you talking about like a decision about being in a relationship with you and this is something i've talked about before i'm just gonna assume it's that since i don't see any other kind of message about what you're saying here angela if you're talking about a guy making a decision about being in a relationship and moving things forward in a relationship the longest that you should be in a relationship without knowing where it's going the longest the absolute longest is is six months after the six month period if you've been with a guy and he tells you he doesn't know or he doesn't he's confused or whatever you should walk away that is the longest period of time that you should be in a situation where you don't know where the relationship's going after six months he knows he knows where it's going and so i hope that's what your question was i hope that's what your question was that's what i read it as stephanie says cheating is just hard to prove though you can be lied to and strung along forever i'd weigh the evidence and not have to have absolute proof they are sneaking it's true cheating can be very difficult to prove and at the same time what can also happen especially if you've been cheated on before is you can start kind of like looking for things that don't exist and start making things into things that don't exist and start believing that cheating is going on when it's not actually going on and that can actually end up destroying and ruining things that are really great for you because you think that cheating is going on and it's really not and so it's it's usually better to start getting outside perspectives on it and get a couple of them just have the evidence and be like hey what do you think about this right and and my suggestion is that you don't ask your friends because your friends a lot of times especially if they're single friends probably want you to be single as well and so they might ruin things with you and be like oh yeah that's totally evidence yeah you know whereas if you talk to somebody that might be in a relationship or talk to a few people that might be in relationships or talk to a dating coach or talk to our community our support community if you go to the goddess community.com and join our community there and talk to our support community they will and you ask them that's a better place to kind of ask about stuff like that to find out like what's actually going on and what's not Donna says what do you do if he flaunts himself around when he's in a relationship with me what do you mean by flaunts himself around I have no idea what that means like he dances around you're like walks around flaunting himself he he flaunts himself Deidre says if you feel they're cheating in your gut they are yeah I mean definitely look at your intuition and make sure that you're not doing it because you think that because you've been cheated on and so you're just really really skeptical of everybody Larroca says how soon can a man say I love you and mean it well so there's kind of these two different kind of phases of like love kind of feels that guys have one is kind of like this instant thing right which is not actually love it's more of like a biological response that a guy has but for a guy it feels like love it feels it feels like love because you are just obsessed and you're just lust filled and you're thinking about what kind of babies you're going to be having with this girl right and you think about what their names are going to be and you're thinking about hooking up with each other and having her meet your parents and all that kind of stuff and from a guy's standpoint this can happen pretty immediately right and what ends up happening is there's this secondary love that comes in and it's it's hard to kind of put a time frame on it but it's something that has to build and grow and it's something that's based on emotional connection and so if you don't have that there then it's not like real long-term love but it's one of the things that I talk about right and it's it's that fire it's that flame that has to be built and so when you first meet him he you know if he's like totally got that biological drive thing going on where he's just like oh my god I'm going to love with her right and he's like telling you he loves you and he's gonna fly around the world and he wants to meet his parents and you know he's ready to meet your parents and you know he's telling you that he loves you and he wants to put a ring on your finger and all that kind of stuff that's not love that's a biological drive and so like it's hard to say how much time but it's probably not going to happen in the first month you know like you gotta you know unless you guys are just at each other's hip all the time and spending lots of time together and connecting on deep emotional ways and you're allowing that kind of love to build but it's it's kind of it's difficult to see right it's difficult to kind of like see the differences I did a live stream a little bit ago a couple weeks ago it's called like it's called something like has a certain number of things that a guy will do only if he's really in love with you should go check out that video and watch that and just pay attention to the signs about whether a guy actually really loves you and you know kind of look at that kind of stuff and maybe I'll do a live stream here on what the differences are between kind of that primal drive lust kind of thing and actual deep love because it's it's a pretty important topic I think to a lot of women that are here okay so it looks like we have run out of time so I've got to go here thank you everybody for being here with us sorry I didn't get to everybody's questions here there's so many of them there's just so many questions thank you for being here I really appreciate it thank you so much and you know I'll be doing another live stream here next week maybe this weekend again I don't know we'll see like I said I'm in Romania right now and I'm hanging out with some friends of mine and we're doing some cool stuff and so you know I this whole thing everything that we're doing here is really about empowering you and helping you and helping you kind of navigate the world of love and relationships and dating because dating has really gotten difficult for a lot of people and I want to make sure that you have a system and a plan that allows you to empower yourself that gives you choice that gives you the ability to get into a relationship where you feel valued and seen and loved by a great awesome high quality man and so that's what we're all doing here and if you're really serious about getting into an awesome relationship make sure that you go and check out the goddesscommunity.com and consider joining our community there for free it's called the goddesscommunity.com just go check that out and thank you so much for being here thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your journey thank you so much for for being with me on this and I will speak with you again soon