 Have you ever felt butterflies after a guy left a guy that you liked and you thought to yourself my gosh I can't wait to see him again. I'm missing him Well, isn't it interesting what that feeling of being a part creates? When you like someone or you or is it about like could it be about something else? Well today we're going to explore the three things a guy might be feeling when he misses you So I think it's important to differentiate between in the early stage of dating and The before sex period of dating versus after sex Because I know many of you are very confused by male behavior When they are on the hunt now, I know you all have heard men are hunters and they go after what they want But I think you guys you ladies are rather delusional in believing that men walk around going I'm gonna hunt with my bow and arrow for a relationship Because that hunt is usually predicated on that desire to have physical sex with you physical physical intercourse with you Okay, that's what men are on the hunt for Because the reality is is men aren't necessarily Programmed to be in a Exclusive monogamous relationship men were programmed to spread their seed So I just want to draw attention to that fantasy many of you are operating on especially from my female coaches For our contemporaries, I should say that talk to you ladies about how men are on the hunt Okay, all right. I don't want to belabor that anymore But I think it's important to differentiate before sex and after sex and what I think is more important for today's conversation is Does a man feel missing does he feel a sense of longing? After you've been intimate together one time two times three times and be on that Okay, because that's really more important because here's what happens for the men are in it for the short term They've conquest. They've had their conquest. They've had their sex with you. They often disappear very quickly You've had it happen to you I'm sure or you've heard about it from some of your friends that the guy came on strong He loved bombs. He told you you're the most amazing person on the planet and then all of a sudden he disappeared Okay, he could have been a player. He could have just been a love bomber Okay, this is why it's important as I tell you frequently to hold out a bit before you're physically intimate with someone Because the reality is is the dating marketplace and there I said it dating marketplace is a mess out there I want you the reason why I call it a dating marketplace is I Think about this for a moment before the internet. There was no dating marketplace Well, maybe there was in the 70s It was the bars. Okay in the 80s It was nightclubs and then in the 90s give or take There were 900 numbers and then right around the end of the 90s began internet dating So internet dating has only been around for 20 years and prior to that the dating marketplace and what I mean is where you? Typically met people. Okay, where you met people now think about this for a moment and again Once let's look at ages, you know When you're in high school and college versus after college So I'm talking about after college and now we're going to talk about Midlife folks versus those folks in their 20s and 30s because this is really important to understand if you want to understand What it's going to take for a guy to actually really genuinely miss you After you've been intimate with them it's important to understand this dating marketplace because the reality is is back in our back in the 80s the 70s and 80s whether it was bars or nightclubs or Dance halls most the time you met people that live generally close to you So there was a sense of tribalism If you met people near where you lived you went to the same high school together Maybe you went to the same college together. Maybe you went to neighboring colleges. Maybe you have mutual friends There was a lot more containment In the relationship what I mean by containment means there was a lot more things to be familiar with With this person Especially if you grew up in the same city or nearby cities, there was more familiarity with one another In today's marketplace, we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers Why is that important to understand because there's a lack of familiarity? And a need for instant familiarity Did you let me repeat that there's a lack of familiarity in other words You know very little about a person and then there's this need for instant familiarity Which is why oftentimes when there's intense chemistry between two people. There's this false belief This false sense of intimacy this false sense of familiarity And this is why so many Short-lived relationships occur they take off like a rocket and they crash and burn Because the reality is is when you know very little about a person their background Their family upbringing their real, you know their Past relationships when you know very little about it. There's this there's this How do I say this almost built in? Not need or expectation, but this this fast tracking approach To feel safe with one another because there's literally no trust built between two people I'm gonna repeat that there's literally no trust and chemistry oftentimes creates a false sense of trust What is trust trust isn't merely about fidelity. I mean that's important piece of trust But trust is more about can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as I care about my own Think about that. Can I count about that? Can I count on this person to care about my feelings just as much as I care about my own? That's real trust. That's and and can you expect trust on the first second third fourth fifth date? Wow, I'm when I say expect trust. I mean, we all know trust is earned. We've heard trust is earned Well, trust isn't earned trust is built Okay, there's this when you say I this person has to earn my trust It's really the two people have to build trust build trust like like think about it building a foundation to a house You have to build trust with one another And it's very difficult if you don't know how to do that. That's what my whole coaching program is all about Helping women to determine to create the foundation So you can ask the right questions in the early stage of dating By the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me if working to see if working with a coach is right for you Because the reason why you need to build trust and to be intentional about the process Because aren't you tired? Oh my gosh, I have a female friend of mine. She's I mean, she's stunning 60 years old I mean, I mean the reason why I'm bringing up looks because looks let's face it physical attractiveness is part of the equation in the dating process And I look at her. She's absolutely stunning. I find her absolutely beautiful And sadly she's a friend who's had multiple relationships with men who are incredibly dysfunctional And each time in the beginning there was a clue But she didn't pick up on it because the chemistry was the guiding force in the relationship And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I'm going to pull it up right now I'm going to put on the screen See whether it says attraction Chemistry is the tip of the iceberg but compatibility comes from shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity And most of you folks aren't paying any attention to that My t-shirt says life moves pretty fast if you don't stop and smell and stop and look around Once in a while, you'll miss it Ferris Bueller reason why I'm talking the reason why I brought that up is because things are moving so fast And it's important to slow down the process because the reality is The dating marketplace is a mess out there In other words, it's going to require a lot more effort on your part than ever before Especially if you're in the divorced category Because my coaching is for those in midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement So most of my clients are between 42 and 69 I will tell you I'm getting a lot of 30 year old women working with me Which I'm grateful because wouldn't be great to start at that starting point But why it's important to understand the divorce marketplace, which is roughly about 75 percent of the population Over 45 years old dating is with divorce. You come to the table with a ton of baggage a ton of luggage First off, there's an ex-spouse to deal with Okay, now is it a contentious relationship with the ex-spouse or is an easy relationship? God forbid it's a contentious because when you buy you're not buying the cow You're buying the cow and the entire farm and the whole and all the weeds and everything that goes with that farm All the crap that goes with it because a lot of farms have a lot of crap. Okay. Got them Getting chills here. I'm out on my balcony Um, then there's relationships with someone's children And I got to tell you a lot of this is can be really messy for men and women alike Is the children can be a nightmare to try to build a relationship with someone I hear this frequently from women who have a male The man they're with is so devoted to their daughter that their daughter is more important to them To the man than the woman he's in relationship with By the way, I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be put up on a pedestal Charished and taken care of a female friend got that for me Hmm Then there's health issues then there's work issues and so there's a lot of dysfunctionality In the midlife dating realm that makes it very difficult. You have to literally sift through the the weeds Of dysfunctional human beings and I got to tell you something. I don't listen I know you ladies think you're all above it You're just as bad off as guys. You're just as bad off as guys and what I mean to say is You know emotional maturity isn't just Isn't just an issue of men. Okay. Here's my chart emotional maturity relationship skills This is not a fact. It's merely opinion But roughly 20 of the population has clinical issues. Have you been watching the amber herd johnny depth trials? My god clinical issues and while I say 20 of the population is healthy I'm being generous Most of you folks and myself included are in the dysfunctional category and I say I'm dysfunctional because I've got a lot of issues myself My voice was crackling there. I think what makes me a little different is two things I'm intentional and I'm a good communicator so Let's bring it back to missing because that's what this is all about and I know some of you're gonna say Why'd you take so long to get to the point folks? I take time to get to the point for a reason I'm helping you see the bigger picture in all of this and if you're gonna complain about it Then let me ask you. What's the definition of insanity doing the same things over and over again expecting different results I'm drawing attention to things to help you grow in your life. So stop complaining about it By the way, if you if you think if you're tired of the people that complain on my channel write a comment right now um Because it occurs to me that missing someone Happens after sex remember. I said this is after you've had sex for some time can happen for three primary reasons three primary reasons number one The guy is just merely horny. He's horny. He just wants to have sex with you That's certainly one of the primary reasons now. Is that a bad thing doesn't have to necessarily a bad thing Is he a good person? Does his actions match his words? Does he operate from victor consciousness instead of victim consciousness? Does he have a Does he have a does he know how to communicate and fight fair with you when there's friction in the relationship Does he have a level of empathy for you? Does he genuinely care about your feelings? Does he does his does he does his does his feelings for you matter? Does he treat you with a level of of respect? Because it's okay I have I have very many friends that are in relationships because they just like the sex part of it along with everything else okay But then there are some guys that could care less their actions don't match their words They're very dysfunctional and they're only in it for the sex piece So they only miss you because they want that next fix of sex. They want that next fix of sex And if and by the way, I know it's tough to recognize some of these guys I I think it is when they hyper focus on sex. That's usually a good sign Versus they do everything else and the sex. Okay number two They have a dysfunctionality within their own Emotional makeup and if you're not familiar with love attachment style and a mago I want to introduce you to two books first is attached by a mere levine and rachel heller And the next is getting the love you want by harvell hendrix and helen hunt. Okay I'm going to spend a minute talking about these two books love attachment time So so love attachment style is something that happens in our childhood how we how we attach to One of our both of our parents can be in a Secure way, which is a healthy way, which is very rare or it can be anxious or avoidance And sometimes we attach to people in either an anxious avoidant way So that longing that they're feeling inside is because something is missing inside of themselves There's a lack of self-love going on in there By the way, you all know that I wrote a book called what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Either way, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend So when a person is lacking a self a sense of self-love they either attach From this love attachment style or they might be Experiencing what's known as the amago. That's the book that harvell hendrix and helen hunt talk about the amago what that means is Have you ever Have you often have you ever experienced dating someone who's just like your father? Okay That and you you recognize a little bit later down down the road not that he looks like your father But there's similar that he might be emotionally unavailable. He might be emotionally constipated He might be distant. He might be avoidant which in that particular case You might be experiencing the amago and for the male. It's the same thing in other words We oftentimes choose someone like one or both of our parents Because there's an a healing that needs to be going on inside in that particular case So this is where a lot of times people meet together in relationships in their dysfunctionality Maybe one person is dysfunctional or both people are dysfunctional Here's the thing when one person is pretty dysfunctional and the other person is with them They're dysfunctional too because if you accept dysfunctional behavior If you're accepting dysfunctional behavior, then you yourself are lacking a self of Self-worth self-esteem self-confidence Self-reliance. This is why I've been lately recommending this book to all you ladies Why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes. I love this book It's an empowerment book to stop settling For mediocre relationships to stop settling for relationships that aren't going anywhere Because that's that's on you. That's your dysfunction Because ultimately what you're seeking in the missing piece is what I'm about to share next Better put on my glasses to double check what I wrote on my notes I think I've only felt the following Really once in my life Because when I realized in my past experience what I'm about to share is my own reflection Is I've experienced missing from that horny perspective and I expect I've experienced missing from that unhealthy perspective But what I'm about to share today Is when you miss someone when a man misses you from this place This is a great sign. He misses you from a place of appreciating you Appreciating you when he can genuinely appreciate who you are as a person He's actually capable Of wanting to build a healthy happy relationship with you Most likely he has his act together and you have your act together number one Most likely your lifestyles are blendable. Most likely you have shared values You have a sense of good communication skills with one another and you have that sense of attraction That's chemistry with one another because when you're experiencing that feeling And then when you're apart with one another and you genuinely long for that person That's coming from a place of I appreciate this not from this anxious place not from this this agitated place But from a place of genuine appreciation And when a man experiences that when a woman experiences that That's a good sign that they can build something together Now you're going to ask how do you make this happen folks? I'm here to encourage something. I've been talking about lately and that's called the dating vows the dating vows And this is what you say to each other Before you have sex with one another read the dating vows. I'll post it below. Okay. I'll post it below Read the dating vows It's an agreement between the two of you to explore a healthy happy relationship It's an agreement between the two of you that you'll be monogamous while you're sexually active with one another It's an agreement that you're not going to be dating other people or looking for other people It's agreement to work through stuff instead of pulling back ghosting and disappearing and lastly It's an agreement to invest regular time together when you've established the vows with someone Before you have sex with a person You have a greater chance of eliminating 90% of those people that are either They're either horny or they're dysfunctional. Okay Now I know this is going to be tough because we got to go through a lot more Toads or whether frogs to find our prince or some or the needle in the haystack But at the end of the day, do you want to have mediocre relationships that go nowhere? I know many of you are okay with look it. It's better to have a bad relationship than no relationship at all and I'm here to say Heck no Heck no I'd rather be happy on my own God universe spirit. I am happy with who I am as a person. I do not need a relationship To fulfill me I seek a relationship to grow with someone and I will only invest in those that I know that'll invest in myself So I establish these vows as a way to attract that high quality high value person I only mean high quality high value in the sense that they are an emotional grown-up Dear god universe and spirit. I invite that into my life And that's my invitation for all of you And if you need some help vetting a guy then schedule a discovery call with me My whole job is to help you weed out those people very quickly So again, it's in the description schedule a call with me And if you can't afford coaching check out my group called midlife love mastery I shoot videos just like this for my private group And it's 20 bucks a month to join you can have direct access to me on a regular basis And if you want follow me on instagram check out all the books I recommend and get my free gift that I so you can join my mail like list All right, I think this will be a good place to wrap up for today Did you find value if you did? Please let me know post a comment if you like my shirt post a comment. Let me know All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear or pillow Here's a teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Bye. Bye. Bye