 Don't let me drown There's a guy that I'm on a waterfront I don't know, I've been colouring this morning It's about to be a film one, the alarm went off But I've been doing colouring today Oh yeah, I've been doing colouring today I can't feel like I'm gonna collapse I can't realise how bad things have really gone And then I'm being like headed I can't need to help her any more Right? Yeah, my life's not a big problem I'm also gonna sleep for a little bit It's really dark I don't even know if I'm basically had a bump with this admission It is Well, will I get it? Probably not I'm gonna actually challenge the bad things Because I keep living like this Also, I find it really hard to record at the moment because of how I'm gonna try and get out of here Get my passport, get a car on my hand And just get something That's the issue, the hospital I don't eat that food I go for the vegan option I don't want to have an egg I think I'll be available for that The last few days I haven't eaten anything I might be able to tell I'm done I'm done Where was I with this? I don't know I'm sorry that I looked like I actually had to break down Maybe because I have I thought there was a man I'm just guessing that I was subscribing Because I tried It was a million And then hospital because The food is Well, hospital food They have vegan meal Which is easier for me to deal with For meal is a lot I don't think they're quite real But Maybe she's a food conveyor And They try to get me to eat in the main area I haven't broken that one It just wasn't Pretty Going on a school leave To Amsterdam That is a lot for me I'm not going to lie It's a big way of saying no And I am really anxious For my invited I have to make sure That I get Just get away with how I get sure To a point where I haven't actually Got Risen up this time Like I have to leave if I don't Because he's here in the floor And It's something I struggled with It's so wrong If anyone's wondering what I'm doing I'm coloring in at the moment It's for what I talk And I haven't For a bit been okay with that I've been able to eat one Really I was fine Then I started to be in the gym And then when I first came here I tried to eat one of them The first thing I did was throw up I didn't even need to So I don't really know What is hard Or Ripple free Ripple free I can't eat around people That's the biggest thing for me I don't know what it is And then my body And my brain were allowed to So I did have a good mood One staff member was here And sat with me While I was in A female around And I meant not to go Really And it was okay But I was I was panicking Like the calories Like It doesn't matter Like It's less than maybe It doesn't really matter And I was panicking Because I didn't know what it was With the hospital here Then there's this happening That means you have to Win this Like I was taking what I had to eat And Reading the calories And he would just stop it The deal was I wasn't allowed to cry For doing The ones I'm checked That was the deal Lastly like It was great It felt dark But it made me happy Because I started having flashbacks earlier And I just needed an escape And I was getting The people wound up by it And I was pacing around my room And I hid under a blanket And it's just Kind of what the days were about For my food The days went out Food Made me finish doing the rain bits too Which made me happy Because I tried colour like a picture of the day And How a year I need to stop saying Everything I do into like some big challenge Because The colouring is The most real Calm and relaxing me To finish the day Because I need to deal with myself It's not fun It's not fun I did say nothing But I just thought I was gonna try and draw what was in my hand And I actually Stopped myself I was like why do I want to do this For me that's the big deal I genuinely said no To something that has controlled my life For a long time now And That was a huge huge huge deal for me Eating and food is something That has just Impacted me