 Welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. This podcast was created to provide you the information and tools Doc Snipes gives her clients so that you too can start living happier. Our website, docsknipes.com, has even more resources, videos and handouts, and even interactive sessions with Doc Snipes to help you apply what you learn. Go to docsknipes.com to learn more. I'd like to welcome everybody to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes, practical tools to improve your mood and quality of life. So today we're going to talk about goal setting. The past couple of weeks we've talked about identifying what a rich and meaningful life looks like to you and then overcoming some of the fear and obstacles that may keep you from moving forward and addressing your motivation, figuring out how to get jazzed about doing what you need to do in order to move towards a rich and meaningful life because change is hard. No doubt. Today we're going to be talking about goal setting. You know where you want to go. You're excited about doing it. You're motivated to make a change now. What's the next step? So we're going to identify the purpose of setting goals. Learn about SMART goals and how to set them. And SMART is an acronym that you'll learn about. Explore ways to identify your goals. Identify the seven most common pitfalls in goal setting and how to prevent them. And learn how to write goals or think about things in terms of knowledge, skills, and abilities. So why do we care? Well, goal setting is an integral part of behavior change. If you want to do something, you've got to know what it is you want to do, what the outcome is going to be. Before you go on a diet, you know that you want to lose weight. You may not know how much weight you want to lose, but you know you want to lose weight when you want to get in shape. You know you want to increase your physical fitness. You know, some of those goals are going to fall a little bit flat because you don't know exactly what you want to do. So we're going to talk about how to do that. Goal setting is something you do every day, though. I mean, you get up in the morning and you have the goal of getting up, eating breakfast, going to work, you know, doing what you need to do. You know, usually when I get to the office, I go through my checklist of things that need to be done that day. And I kind of set little goals for myself. I know I need to get these things done. And then I have the goal of going to the gym. I have the goal of spending time with my kids. You know, those are all goals that we do every day. So we need to look at how to set our most effective goals. Ineffective goals can have a negative impact on your self-esteem. If you set goals and then you fail to achieve them. And this is one thing like New Year's resolutions usually actually cause people more problems because they start doing something. They do it for a couple of weeks and then they kind of lose their motivation or momentum. And then they think, you know, well, maybe I can't change. Everybody can change. It just that change, whatever you're doing, has to be more rewarding than what you're already doing. You know, it has to be more rewarding to change than to stay the same. And ineffective goals can make people mistakenly think they're helpless to change anything. So I'll say that again. Everybody can change. You are capable of doing it. It's just a matter of figuring out what's holding you back. So identifying pitfalls in goal setting. One of the things I do when I do a group on goal setting is I have people, I pretend they're going to prepare an authentic Italian meal. You know, most people cook. So at least a little bit, whether it's, you know, spaghetti out of a jar or, you know, something more grand than that. But most people can work with this. The first thing you've got to do is develop your knowledge. You've got to learn what an authentic Italian meal consists of. You know, what is it besides spaghetti? And, you know, what makes the spaghetti unique that makes it authentic Italian versus not? Decide what's going to be in your meal. So, you know, maybe there are appetizers. Maybe there are desserts. Maybe there are side dishes in addition to your main course. So you decide what's going to be in your meal. So you're learning what's out there, what's possible. You're learning what you want to have in your meal. Then you're gonna learn about how to prepare the meal because you probably don't know how to prepare at least some of the things. So you're gonna go online maybe and go to one of the food websites and look at a recipe and learn how to prepare it. YouTube also has some great videos, but I digress. Then you're gonna identify what ingredients you need for that meal and identify what ingredients you already have and then go to the store and get what you don't have. You see how we're just step by step. What do I need to do first? First, I need to learn about it. Then I need to learn what I need or how to do it. Then I need to learn what I need in order to implement it. What resources or ingredients do I need? And then start with the recipe. And recipes are great goals. I mean, when you look at it, it's written like a perfect goal. First, you chop the onions. Second, you put everything in the dish and you turn it on medium and you simmer it for 45 minutes. The next thing you do, if you follow goal setting like a recipe, you're probably going to do pretty well. With a recipe for most of us, it tells you how much garlic you're supposed to put in, how much tomato sauce you're supposed to put in. It doesn't say just put in the tomato sauce, which is what a lot of people do with their goals. They say, I wanna lose weight. Okay, well, how do you know when you're going to achieve that goal? How do you know how many calories to restrict or how many calories to burn off at the gym if you don't know how much you wanna lose in what time frame? So you need to be a little bit more specific. How much weight do you wanna lose? So the same thing with ingredients. You know you need a tablespoon of garlic or three cups of tomato sauce. The other thing that recipes teach you is you don't do everything at the same time. You don't saute and marinate and do everything all at once. First, you've gotta make the sauce and let it simmer and let the seasoning blend in. So it's a more full-bodied sauce and then you move to your next step. You're not gonna make your pasta until right before you're getting ready to actually serve the meal. The marinara sauce is usually made way earlier, sometimes even days before. So you need to know these things ahead of time. Same thing with your goals. You're not gonna do everything all at once. It's a step-wise process. So smart goals are specific, measurable, achievable, grounded in results and realistic and time limited. So specific means anybody can observe it. You know exactly what you're going to do. Getting in shape, that is a really broad goal. What does that mean? Does that mean being able to bench press your body weight? Does that mean being able to run a 5K in under 20 minutes? What does that mean to you in order to get in shape? So you need to be specific. That way when you achieve that goal, you can look at it and go, yep, I can cross that off now, I've achieved it. If you want to learn how to skydive, for example. Well, that's pretty specific. If you want to pick up a hobby, that's not so specific. So you can look at it. If you want to learn how to skydive, once you do it, take your first jump, you can mark that off and go, I learned it. If you say I want to develop a hobby, you know, what hobby are we talking about? You know, you can get stuck looking at different hobbies and you never actually learned anything. So specific gives you a goal. It gives you something to look at. Measurable, again, you want to know how much, how often, how intense, whatever you're looking at. So if you want to lose three pounds a week, if you want to be able to run a 5K in under 30 minutes, if you want to do these things, it's measurable. So you can measure it and go, I'm almost there or haven't made it yet or yes, I'm there. Achievable, it has to be something you can do. You know, there are certain things that we are just not, each individual person has their strengths and weaknesses. There are certain things that we're just not going to be able to do and knowing what those things are is going to be really important. So I always give the example of if I wanted to become an astronaut. Well, that's not even achievable for me. At this point in my life, I'm too old and it's not a ding against me, it's just reality. I'm too old to go back, get the additional doctorates that I would need to be competitive to become an astronaut. So it's not achievable for me at this point. You know, if you have a 50-year-old woman or 60-year-old woman who decides that she wants to have babies, you know, that may not be even physiologically achievable for her at that point in time. So you need to choose goals that are achievable. They have to be realistic in their time frames. You know, if you say I want to lose 30 pounds, okay, that's measurable, that's specific. But if you say I want to lose 30 pounds in a month, that's not real realistic. Could it be done? Maybe would it be healthy? Definitely not. So what are we looking at in terms of realism? And generally they say expect to lose between one and two pounds per week. So if you want to lose 30 pounds, that's going to be more like four months to take the weight off. That's realistic. Otherwise, you know, you're setting yourself up for potential failure if you're going to try to do it faster than that. And time limited, you want to have goals that you can achieve in a week, in a month, in three months. But not goals, I mean, you can have big goals that are out there like graduating from college that may be like four-year goals, but you want to have sub-goals like getting through a semester or reading a chapter, getting an A on your first exam, getting through your first set of exams and still having a 4.0 grade point average. That is a time limited goal. Why do you need short goals? Because it helps with motivation. If you see yourself accomplishing smaller goals on the way, then you feel, psychologists would call it more efficacious. You feel more confident that you can actually do it. If you're trying to get in shape or trying to stop smoking, let's use that example. It's time limited. Maybe you don't want to go cold turkey. Maybe you want to wean down. So the first goal is to wean down to one pack a day. And then the next goal is to wean down to half a pack a day and so on and so forth. So you can see progress as you're going. And that will help you feel motivated and know that, you know what, I can do this. It's gonna take some time, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Whatever you're doing now took a while to learn and start developing the habit or whatever you're doing. So undoing it or changing is gonna take some time, but that's okay. So think about the last goal you set that was successful. What was it? And then think about the last goal you set that was unsuccessful. And I'll give you a hand a lot of times that's New Year's resolutions. You can think really easily about those. What's the difference between the two? And a lot of times you'll find that the goal that was unsuccessful was not specific enough or measurable. It may not have been achievable or you may have set unrealistic time limits or you may not have had small goals. So you never felt like you were ever going to get to the end. I remember when I was little, my grandmother used to participate in Weight Watchers and every time they reached a milestone, they would get some sort of a reward for reaching a weight loss milestone. We do the same thing in 12 step programs. You get what they call chips periodically throughout and the quote value and it's a sentimental value, but the value of the chip really goes up with depending on how much clean time you have. And once you get to a year, then you get your year medallion. So it's important to make sure you incorporate goals for yourself. So thinking about goals that you tried to set that you were unsuccessful at, you wanna look and see if they were good goals. Did you set them well? And the next step you're gonna take is if they were great, they were specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time limited, they were perfect goals, but you failed to achieve them. Why? Why was it more rewarding to stay the same than to change? Or why was it more painful to change than to stay the same? When you start trying to lose weight, for example, a lot of times you have to cut back on some foods and I don't know about you, but I love food. I love to eat. It's not just bread, it's everything. I love food. So whenever I have to lose weight, it's like, oh, this is uncomfortable. You know, I'm not cutting back a huge amount, but psychologically I'm wanting more and I'm having to kind of retrain my thought process. You know, what's more important, having a second helping or achieving this goal that I want to so I can fit back into my pants. So the beginning, first you wanna ask yourself, why? Goals are the overarching reason that people begin to do things. So you set a goal and you go, okay, I wanna achieve this. I want to buy a house. I wanna stop smoking. Whatever your goal is, the goal is often abstract. I wanna be healthier. You know, I wanna buy a house. Well, okay, you wanna buy a house. Are we talking a $150,000 house or are we talking a mansion on the hillside? So we need to be a little bit more specific. Goals need to be broken down into manageable, meaningful, observable objectives. So let's stick with, well, let's choose I wanna be happy since this is happiness isn't brain surgery. Well, happiness is pretty broad. What makes me happy is probably different than what makes you happy. So first you need to know what makes you happy and figure out, okay, how do I achieve this state? You know, what is life going to look like? What is life going to be like when I'm happy? What things will I be doing that help me feel happy? Okay, that's the ultimate goal. So then we back up and we say, okay, where am I at right now? And what's the first step I need to do toward moving toward this idea of happiness? What's the first thing I need to do? Then what's the next thing I need to do? Just like a recipe. You know, you are making a happiness recipe, if you will. And it's important to phrase goals as adding positives instead of removing negatives. If you always say, I'm going to stop smoking, I'm going to stop overeating, I'm going to stop getting upset about things. Well, that's great, you know, that's fine. If you need to eliminate that in order to move towards happiness, but what are you gonna do instead? For example, if you say to be happier, I need to stop getting upset over minutia. Well, wonderful, but how are you going to do that? You know, we need to put something in there to help you do it. So instead of saying, I'm going to stop getting upset, you may say, I am going to start counting to 10 whenever I feel angry or anxious about something, and then evaluating the facts for and against whether it's worth my energy. There are a lot of things you can do. I'm just giving you an example. You wanna give yourself something to do to help you achieve your goal. So start with the problem definition. How is the problem evidenced? And that's a term we use in counseling when we write treatment plans, you know. Sally is depressed as evidenced by lack of happiness, apathy, lack of energy, difficulty sleeping, dah, dah, dah, dah. So these are all the observable things that we have that we can say, this is what tells me that Sally is depressed right now. So we wanna look at the problem that you've got. So if we're gonna stay with happiness, you're not happy right now. How do you know you're not happy? Low energy, irritability, problem sleeping, what is it that makes you say, you know what, I am not happy? How is this problem, your unhappiness, affecting your overall functioning? So how is it impacting your relationships, your ability to concentrate, your function, how you function at work, your health? How is unhappiness affecting all of these things? What is your perception of the problem? You know, if you're thinking about something and your perception is, yeah, you know, it would be nice to change that at some point, but it's not urgent right now, then you're probably not gonna be really motivated. So you need to look at things that you're motivated to change. And then look at your strengths. When you have tried to resolve this problem in the past, what has helped? At least some. So when you've been unhappy before and you've tried to get happy, what helped? When you've been happy before, what was different? You know, maybe you were working at a different job or maybe you were, you know, I know I'm happier if I'm going to the gym at least five days a week or working out in some fashion. That's something that's important to me. So I know that for me to be truly happy, that's something I need to do because it's great stress relief and it helps me kind of clear my head. What is it that's different when you're happy and how can you make that happen now? So the next step is the goal. If you're unhappy, all right, well, what's the resolution of that to be happy? So the broad goal and for resolving this problem is to get happy. The absence of the problem is to be happy. One way to figure out what happiness looks like is to ask yourself, how will your best friend know when you've achieved your goal? So how will your best friend know when you're happier? You know, what things will they see in you or see you doing that? And they'll say, you know what? You seem a lot happier lately. Likewise, what things will you see in yourself? And it's important to think about what other people might see as well because a lot of times our change occurs kind of slowly. So you may not notice small changes. Think about when you've got a puppy and you have that puppy and they're so cute and so small and you come home one day, you know, and you've had the puppy for six months and all of a sudden you realize, you know what, you're not a puppy anymore. You're a dog. Same thing for goals. Because you're immersed in it every day, you don't necessarily notice the incremental changes and then you have a sudden aha moment. But people who haven't seen that puppy, you know, or they see it like once a week, they may come over and go, oh my gosh, your puppy's grown so much over the past week. Same thing for our goals. You know, our friends may say, you know what, I'm really seeing that you're, you seem to be more energetic over the past week or two. What are you doing differently? One way to figure out what these goals are, and I know we're spending a lot of time on the overarching goals, but it's important because if you have good overarching goals, then you can get motivated. If you see something in the distance, think about running a race. When you see that finish line, you can stay motivated. If you can keep it in your mind's eye. So we want to know as detailed as possible, what does this goal look like? So if you woke up tomorrow and you were happy, what would be different? If you woke up tomorrow and you were a non-smoker, what would be different? So that helps you start identifying things. For smoking, for example, you know, if you're a non-smoker, then you gotta look at all the reasons you smoke. What are you gonna do instead of smoking? What are you gonna do with the money you save from smoking? If you're going to be happier, you know, what's gonna be different? Your attitude, your health, your relationships, the things you do on a daily basis because you have more energy, you know, what is it? This will help give you insight into the symptoms or definition of the problem and your motivations for change. If I start looking at the fact that, okay, when I'm happier, I'm gonna be able to concentrate more. I'm gonna be more productive. I'm gonna have more energy to spend with my kids and work in the garden. Those are all things that are really important to me in my ultimate happy life. So, wow, if I start working on being happier, then I'm gonna be able to move closer to what I've defined as a rich and meaningful life. So the overall goal for treatment, what is the problem? Depression, for example. How will you know when the problem's resolved? And we're just gonna, I'm gonna give you an example here, how you might go through it. Emotionally, I won't feel as hopeless and helpless and I won't dread getting out of bed. Well, that's something you can journal. You know, each morning when you wake up, yes or no, am I dreading getting out of bed this morning? Mentally, I won't be so foggy-headed and will be able to concentrate more. Physically, I'll have more energy and will lose some weight. And socially, I will enjoy spending time with my friends and family. So those are all things that I'm gonna look for to tell me whether I've achieved happiness or not. So the sub-goals, you know, I said you have to break it down into smaller sub-goals. The first thing you need to do is learn. Learn about what causes depression. You can't fix it unless you learn about it and learn about what makes you happy. You can't achieve it unless you know where you're going. Then you learn about your symptoms. So there are, you know, hundreds of things that can cause depressive symptoms. Yeah, I hate to tell you, but there are. And it can be as simple as poor nutrition or lack of sleep to physiological things like hormone imbalances and everything in between. So you've learned about what can cause depression. Now you need to look at what causes your depression. So out of that hundred things, which of them are contributing to your depression and that's what you need to address. And then you identify ways to address those specific issues. So if you know that poor nutrition, lack of sleep, your relationships are kind of conflictual right now and you're not exercising enough, I don't know. Those four things are keeping you from feeling happy. Okay, those are the four things that might be contributing to your depression. Oh, let's add, you've got too much to do at work so you feel overwhelmed. So that's five things contributing to your depression. Well, in order to feel happy, we need to address those five things. If you're looking at the hundred things that could cause depression and you rule out, nope, thyroid problems aren't causing my depression, hormone imbalances not causing my depression. You'll knock off things that can cause depression for other people but they're not causing it for you so there's no need to address it. You need to figure out what's causing your depression. The next goal, we said emotionally, you'll be less apathetic and you won't dread getting out of bed each day. So instead of removing something, we're gonna say our goal is to be happy to wake up and face the day five out of every seven days of the week. And I always, I don't ever do seven out of seven days because that's unrealistic to think that every single day of your life, you're gonna wake up and go, oh, goodie, let me get up and get out of bed. There are gonna be some days you wake up and go, oh, no, not today. And that's okay, that's realistic. So I'll be happy to wake up and face the day five out of every seven days. Great, well, let's stick with this. So we're increasing your happiness and your motivation and which is also decreasing your depression. So you wanna identify the causes of dread for you and what to do about it. Why do you dread getting out of bed? What happens when you get out of bed that is punishing, so to speak, and makes you want to go back to bed? Do you hate the drive-in to work? Do you hate your boss? Do you, what is it that is causing it? Or maybe you just dread getting out of bed because you know when you get out of bed, you're just, you're still not gonna feel happy and you don't wanna go through another day where everything is just kinda grazed, feeling more like Eeyore instead of Tigger. Okay, so let's figure out how to intervene. If we'll stick with Poo Bear for right now, if you're feeling like Eeyore, you just, you don't wanna get out of bed cause you know, you just kinda go through the day and nothing kinda makes you happy. Well, we need to figure out what's gonna help you feel happy. We need to figure out what's going on that's keeping you from feeling happy. So think about times in your past when you've been happy. What helps you feel happy? What memories do you have that can help you feel happy? What things can you do to infuse happiness into your day? So you have something to look forward to maybe at the end of the day, each day in order to make you think, you know what? Okay, I can get up and get through this. The second sub goal is having more energy. So you're gonna learn about the causes of fatigue and low energy and then figure out what's causing your fatigue and low energy. It could be anxiety, it could be stress, it could be poor nutrition, lack of quality sleep. You need to figure out what's causing it for you. And then start addressing it. And you notice I haven't said neurochemical imbalances. Well, all of these things can cause neurochemical imbalances. Some people, and I always advise people if they're dealing with a mood issue or difficulty concentrating, to go to the doctor, get a full blood workup done, just to make sure that everything is in alignment and you don't have any problems with your blood sugar or your hormone levels or anything that could be contributing to your depression. Because hypothyroid is really common and it can cause symptoms of depression. Low testosterone and low or estrogen that is either too low or too high can also cause mood symptoms. So it's important to rule out the things that are easy fixes, so to speak. And then move on from there. So once you've got your body machine operating efficiently, then what else might be causing your fatigue and low energy and what can you do differently? The ultimate goal is to be happy. So you wanna say, I will know when I've achieved this goal because at least five out of every seven days, I would feel happy and content and not dread getting out of bed. So you can keep a journal and each day log in it. On a scale of one to five, one being really unhappy, five being just giddy as I'll get out, how did you feel? So five out of seven, every seven days, you wanna be a three, a four or a five. And you can look at that log and that'll help you identify patterns in your happiness, so to speak and start connecting the dots to figure out what makes you happiest. Mentally, I'll be able to concentrate, be more creative and more productive. Well, this one you can measure by having your to-do list and figuring out what you'd mark off. And potentially measuring your concentration level on a scale of one to five, but I would really just focus on productivity because you can have a list of things and feel like, yeah, I'm being more productive. Physically, I'll have energy, not feel so achy and be in better shape because I'll have the energy to take care of myself. Okay, so physically and how do you know if you're doing those things? How do you know if you've got more energy? Well, again, you can rank it on a scale of one to five or you can identify things that you do that indicate that you have more energy, like going to the gym. And my relationships will improve because I will be able to enjoy spending time with people and they will not be angry with me all the time anymore. Another thing that you can rank on a scale of one to five, so to speak, how are my relationships going? This one's a little bit more difficult to rank on a daily basis, but every week check in with yourself and go, you know, how are my relationships going? Do I feel like people are less angry with me? Do I feel like my relationships are going better? And you'll either have a yes or a no. When trying to change, it's important to aim to increase the positive behavior. So instead of saying, I'm gonna stop crying as much, say something like, I'm going to laugh more. Instead of saying, I'm going to stop stress eating, say when I get stressed out, I'm going to crochet for 20 minutes in order to deal with my stress. So you're putting something there in its place, so you can't crochet and eat at the same time. I will tell you, you need both hands to crochet. So you're putting something in there that stops you from doing the other behavior, but you're adding something instead of focusing on eliminating it. Instead of measuring how sad you feel, measure how happy you feel. So on your scale, you want to have a happiness scale and you wanna measure how happy you are. Positive behaviors serve roughly the same function and are incompatible with the behavior you're trying to eliminate. So for example, I'm really bad at taste testing when I cook and I taste test a lot and then I'm not hungry for dinner and then I sit there at dinner and I'm just kind of picking at my food. So in order to eliminate that, taste testing all the time, I will either talk on the phone or chew gum or suck on a mint while I'm cooking because that stops me from taste testing. So that's one of those things that I can do for people who smoke and they wanna stop smoking. What can you do that's incompatible with smoking? Maybe you don't smoke around your kids, so you're gonna spend more time with your kids. Maybe, well, hopefully, you don't smoke when you're working out so you're gonna start working out more. Maybe there are certain shows you really like to watch on TV and in order to watch those, you have to be in the house so you'll stop smoking in the house and so you can watch your TV shows. Those are different things that you can put in there to kind of game the system, if you will. When you're changing, though, make sure to keep it simple. Only choose one or two things to measure and only choose one or two things to change at any one time. It's better to make one change and do it really well and succeed at it because that's going to benefit you in every area of your life. And then when you finish that one, move on to the next change. It's much better to do that than try to change everything all at once and only do half of them halfway. You wanna make sure that goals are achievable, realistic, and time limited. Build your goals on prior strengths. So look at what you've done in the past to deal with similar situations. Look at, in the past, when you haven't had this problem, what was different and try to recreate that now. Those are your strengths instead of trying to learn something completely new. Now, can you learn completely new things? Sure. When I work on doing self-improvement and working on my stress management, for example, I know there are certain things that I've always done that have helped like exercising and gardening, but I also have decided, let me learn more about mindfulness. So I started reading books on mindfulness and learning how to do it. So you can add new things. There is no prohibition against that, but when you start out, you're gonna make a lot more rapid progress if you start out doing things that you've already done and you already know how to do and then start adding new things. You need to work on things that you're motivated and able to change. Like I said earlier, if you decide you wanna lose 20 pounds, that's a great goal, but it takes effort and it takes a willingness to sacrifice certain things for a little while, maybe change your eating habits because ideally when you lose weight, you're changing your eating patterns forever, not just for three months or whatever it is. So are you really motivated to do that? And if the answer is no, if it's, you know, I'd like to lose the weight, but there's really no crisis. You know, I can just go buy new pants. Well, then you're probably not gonna be as enthusiastic about maintaining that change. So if you decide you want to change it, you need to increase your enthusiasm. So maybe saying, you know, if I lose this weight, then I can go get a whole new wardrobe or if I lose this weight, you know, something that is important to you. Some people will decide that they need to go on a diet right before the summer because they wanna feel better in their swimsuit when they go to the pool or the beach. Okay, well to keep you motivated, hang your swimsuit right there in your bathroom. So you see it every single day when you go in there and it reminds you what you wanna stay focused on. But knowing that swimsuit season is gonna be here in June, you know, that creates a little kind of mini crisis because you know you gotta take the weight off by then or you know, it's, you're not gonna fit in your swimsuit or you're not gonna feel as comfortable. So do things to increase your motivation and set those small goals. If you're on a diet, if you're trying to lose weight, set daily goals. You know, I'm gonna try to not snap between meals. Okay, well that's a good goal. So you've got that goal and if you get through the day and you've achieved that goal, then you can kind of look at that and go, all right, I did it one day down. And in 12 step recovery, we talk about not focusing on the future and you know, not focusing on the past, but today. You know, if you did it yesterday, you can do it today. If you didn't do it yesterday, you can still do it today. You just need to figure out what happened that kept you from achieving it yesterday. But don't focus too far on the future. You know, let's just get through today. And before you know it, just like that puppy growing up into a dog, before you know it, each day that you do things, all of a sudden you're gonna look back and go, wow, I've done it for a month or I've done it for six months and it wasn't so painful after all. So setting daily goals is important. Setting weekly goals can also help you and providing yourself a decent reward, something that's rewarding to you at the end of the week. So for example, if I get everything accomplished at the office during the week that I want to and I go to the gym and you know, I have three or four things that I need to check off. But if I do all that, then Sunday, I'm alone. You know, I cook for the family and I cook my meals for the week and stuff. I enjoy doing that anyway. But I don't go to the gym. I don't come into the office. You know, those are just, I relax on that day. And that's my reward for a good week's work. So make sure that you provide yourself a really rewarding goal at the end of a week if you achieve or a really, really good reward at the end of the week, if you achieve your goals. So the hook, the five W's. When you're writing your goals and I encourage you to write it down. It's a lot more powerful if it is there in blue and white or black and white. Who is responsible for doing what? Now, if you're changing your own goals, maybe it's just you. But if you're living in a family and you decide that you wanna start eating more healthfully and you decide that, you know what? Part of what's keeping me from eating healthfully is when I go to the grocery store, I tend to make poor choices. You know, I look at what's on Bogo and there's cookies on Bogo, I might get them. So maybe somebody else is responsible for going shopping for a while. Or maybe you team up with a friend in order to increase your motivation to go to the gym. So you identify who is responsible for doing what? When they're gonna do it. If you're going to the gym with a friend, how often, what time are you gonna meet? Where are you gonna meet? Why are you going to the gym again? You wanna know why you're doing this. And how? You can go to the gym and get in the hot tub for 20 minutes. You can go to the gym and do cardio for 30 minutes. You can go to the gym and lift weights. What are you gonna do when you get there? So how are you going to accomplish this getting in better shape? When you write the plan, again, make sure that your goals are meaningful. You know, what is it that is most important to you right now? You know, when I look at my life, you know, there's lots of things I wanna do. And I don't have enough hours in the day. So I need to figure out which goal, single, which goal is most meaningful to me right now. And once I accomplish that, I can move on to doing the next one. You know, every once in a while, I'll do two things at the same time. You know, you can juggle up to three goals effectively. More than that, you're not going to be really effective. But what are the one to three things that I am really motivated to work on right now? It's also important to address the reasons for not changing. You know, even though I may be really motivated to get my 5K time down right now, you know, that is something that's important to me. What are the reasons for not doing that? Well, you know, I also have a business that I'm running and children that I'm raising and other things that may come up. So how do I make sure that I still have the motivation to go out for a run, you know, on my schedule, whether it's every single day or five out of every seven days? What are the other reasons for not changing? During the winter, I don't like cold temperatures and I really don't like cold wind. So one of the reasons that I might not go out and work out during the winter is because of those factors. So how can I make it more comfortable for me to run and work on my 5K time? Well, the answer was go to the gym. So look at all the reasons that you might not want to do it or it's time for you to engage in whatever behavior that is and you're thinking to yourself, you know what? No, you know, just not today. Why? Why not today? And then address that. Figure out what it is that you want to do instead and how to make your behavior change more rewarding. Decisional balance exercises are something we use in treatment planning and helping people increase motivation. You create a chart and I like doing it in a chart fashion. So you have whatever behavior you want to do, let's say stop smoking and then what you're doing right now, which is smoking and then you're gonna look at the benefits to not smoking and you're gonna look at the benefits to smoking because yes, there are benefits. You need to figure out of the benefits for smoking, how can you make those less beneficial? You know, if you smoke because it helps you relieve stress, well, okay, so how else can you relieve stress besides smoking and you need to incorporate that because if you just say, well, you know, one of the benefits to smoking is that it relieves stress and you don't figure out how else you're gonna do it, how else you're gonna relieve stress, then you're gonna wanna smoke. So identifying that. Another reason some people don't stop smoking is because of the withdrawals. You know, the benefits of staying and it's actually a drawback to changing but either category you wanna put it in. One of the drawbacks to changing is the withdrawals. So that stops people, that causes people to relapse a lot. So you wanna look at how can you deal with those withdrawals so you don't feel them as much if at all. Talk to your doctor about ways nicotine is one of the most addictive drugs out there and yeah, it's legal and I can do a whole soapbox on that. But for most people, they will require some sort of pharmacological intervention to help them stop smoking. They don't have to be on it forever but during that initial six months to a year, it helps immeasurably for the majority of people to help them stop smoking. So you wanna figure out and make whatever the new behavior is that much more rewarding. So one of the benefits to stopping smoking is you won't smell like smoke all the time. So it'll be easier to get your clothes smelling clean and fresh. Another benefit is you won't have the stained fingers or upper lip. So that's a benefit. So you won't have to worry about scrubbing off nicotine stains. Another big benefit is the financial gain. Okay, so right now let's figure out while you're going through the initial change period, the first six months to a year. With that money you save, what can you do with it that's gonna be rewarding? It's not really rewarding if you just put it in your bank account and you go, yep. You know, I save $3.50 or something. Not so rewarding. But if every month you take the money that you save from not smoking and you do something really fun or you buy something that you really want, a friend of mine really loves guns. So when he saves enough money up, he buys a new gun or a new part for a gun or whatever. I'm not a big gun aficionado. Or he goes out shooting because bullets are expensive too. So looking at what you can do with that money to make it even more rewarding to change. So you can go, oh yeah, this is more fun than smoking out in the parking lot by myself. You also wanna look at the drawbacks to change. And we started to talk about this a minute ago. One of the drawbacks to stopping smoking is the withdrawals. So you wanna eliminate those when it all possible. Another drawback to changing maybe that a lot of your friends smoke and you won't be able to go out on smoke breaks with them without getting triggered or something. So looking at some of those drawbacks and figuring out, okay, your friends who smoke, how can you spend time with them not smoking? Maybe you can convince one or two of them to try to stop smoking with you. So, you know, misery loves company, but you can all work to mutually support one another. And looking at the drawbacks to staying the same. You know, what are the drawbacks to continuing to smoke? Maybe your wife nags at you all the time because you're smoking or how much money you're spending on it or whatever the drawbacks are. Or maybe, you know, you're not allowed, my daddy wasn't ever allowed to smoke in the house. So, you know, when football season came along or for him it was golf, he couldn't sit inside and smoke and watch golf at the same time because my stepmother forbid him to put a TV out on the porch and forbid him to smoke in the house. So that was one of the drawbacks to continuing to smoke was that he had to choose between golf and smoking. So figuring out how to increase your motivation and make it more painful or more unpleasant to stay the same, to continue smoking than it would be to go through the withdrawals or whatever and to change. Pitfalls, failing to consider why you currently do or do not engage in the behavior. If you're trying to lose weight, you know, and this is one of the things I see a lot in people who are trying to lose weight and they're getting frustrated, they don't understand why they keep gaining weight. They don't understand why they eat so much. And it's not just because they love food. They eat when they're stressed. They eat when they're bored. They eat out of habit. So until they realize that, you know, they're probably not going to be able to lose weight or at least keep it off. You know, a lot of people will go on the diets where they send you pre-packaged meals. Well, this is all you have to eat and this is all you're able to eat while you're on that diet. Okay, but it doesn't teach them any new skills and it doesn't teach them how to make good food choices. It doesn't teach them how to identify when they're eating out of stress. It's just a period where they're not eating as much and they're not really questioning why. Some people set goals that are too big and it's just hard to accomplish. Maybe they set this goal like they're going to save $100,000 towards their retirement. Well, that's a pretty big daggone goal. So goals that are too big, you may, you know, feel like you're never making progress and kind of give up and go, you know what, I'm never going to get there. So whatever. Set goals that are small and achievable in increments. A month, three months, six months. You know, so you can say in every month, I want to put away $1,000 in my retirement. Every six months, I want to have at least $6,000 in there, but ideally I want to make an additional contribution to have $8,000 in my retirement. So over the course of so many years, I will acquire or amass $100,000. So then you can say, okay, this month, put it away. Next month, I put it away and you can start marking that off and seeing your progress. Same thing when you're paying off a house. You know, you can see that progress slowly occurring. If you set too many goals or goals that are too hard, if you set a goal that's too hard, you're probably not going to achieve it. You know, you need to make sure that you set a goal that's realistic. I keep talking about running because that's something that I do. Taking time off your running speed is not something that happens overnight. So if I said right now that I want to get my running time down for a 5K, which is 3.2 miles, in under 20 minutes, that's too hard for me to do right now. So one thing I could do is get my 5K time down to under 30 minutes. So that's, you know, a little under a 10-minute mile. That I can do and that's not too hard. At my age, and you know, I'm 5'4", I'm not that tall, so I don't have this great stride thing. I may not be able to run a sub 20-minute 5K. So that might be too hard and not even realistic. So set goals that you know you can do given enough time. Don't set too many goals at once, one to three. Set no more than three goals at any one time. Make sure your goals have plenty of rewards. If you don't have enough rewards, you're not going to do it. And I know that sounds silly. You're like, well, we're grownups. We shouldn't have to have rewards. Yes, we should. You know, we like, when we go to work, our reward, if you want to call it that, is our paycheck. If you went to work for two months straight and didn't get a paycheck, you'd probably be like, yeah, no, this isn't working for me. So figure out what your rewards are and set those. A good way to figure out good rewards for yourself is to look at that definition of a rich and meaningful life. What does it look like? If you wanna, in your rich and meaningful life, you spend more quality time with your kids. Well, one of the rewards can be spending, on Sundays, we spend time together as a family. We watch movies, we hang out, we talk. And that's one of my rewards for relaxing and not coming into the office or whatever. Make sure that your goals are not too specific though. Give yourself a little wiggle room. If you say, I need to lose two pounds every single week, you know, what happens if you lose 1.7 pounds? Or, you know, 2.4 pounds. You know, if you say, you know, I wanna lose about two pounds every single week. Or, you know, I wanna start cutting down to, if you're talking about stopping smoking, I wanna cut down to a pack a day over the next week. You know, that gives you a little bit of wiggle room. So, you know, you may, and I always use the word about, about a pack a day. Because it gives people a little bit of wiggle room. So they can say, yep, I'm almost there. And failing to individualize goals to your temperament. So if you're doing something, for example, working out, and this is one of my things, you know, I like to work out. But I also hate working out alone. You know, I'm one of those people. It's not that I use it as time for social hour because I can't talk and exercise at the same time. But I do better in environments where other people are working out because it motivates me. And that's my extrovert temperament coming out. My daughter, on the other hand, would rather die than go to a gym. She enjoys, you know, walking and running on her own and having quiet time. So you wanna look at the goals that you're setting and make sure it's not something that's gonna add additional stress. You wanna make sure that it's going to increase your motivation to do it. I really enjoy going to the gym because I see other people. It increases my motivation. And I also get to talk to other people. And you know, it's not about work or about school or something. So make sure you fit it in. If you are, you know, thinking, judging and perceiving, if you haven't taken the Kiersey Temperament Sorter, I suggest you go do it. It's online, it's free, it's really easy. But the J and the P, J's are really structured. I'm really structured. So when I set goals, I schedule it into my day calendar. And it's a routine. And that's how I like it. I know I work out every single morning. I'm at the gym by 6 a.m. That's just the way it works. Now, for other people who are more spontaneous, that would drive them nuts. You know, they're like, oh my gosh, this is so boring. If I have to go to the same gym every single day and see the same people and do the same thing. They like to be able to wake up in the morning and go, yeah, I wanna work out at some point today. Maybe I'll go rock climbing this afternoon. And that works for them. For me, if I haven't gotten that workout in by 7 a.m., gotten to the gym by 6, makes me a little nervous and drives me a little batty. So know your temperament. If you like spontaneity, don't schedule yourself into a whole. If you like structure, then by all means add structure. So good goals are smart, specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time limited. You can measure goals however you want. You can use a one to five scale or you can use things that are observable. Like I did it or I didn't do it. Like the example we used with skydiving or cutting down smoking to a pack a day or a half a pack a day. That's very observable. Make sure the behaviors you're trying to change actually will help you achieve the goal you're setting. So if you want to be happier, you need to know what makes you happier. Not what makes your husband happier or your best friend happier, but what's gonna make you happier and then address those behaviors. Goals should follow the KSA progression, knowledge, knowledge about what it is in general, smoking cessation in general and then knowledge about what helps you stop smoking, for example. And then skills, practicing those things that you're going to do to stop smoking. Sub-goals need to be small and reinforcement should be frequent. So each one of those steps along the way should be small. So if you're gonna try to stop smoking, you make that decision. Okay, that's one goal. Number two, you set an appointment with the doctor and you go in and see about getting smoking cessation medication or you go to Walmart and you get the smoking gum. Whatever it is that you wanna do, that's step two. So that's very observable. You either do it or you don't. Mark that off. Okay, step number three. And keep working in that incremental progress or way in order to achieve your goals and make sure to reward yourself with positive self-talk. Good job for doing that. With relaxing at the end of the day, watching your favorite TV show, whatever it is that kind of gives you a pat on the back for accomplishing that goal. And every week or so, make sure you have a good reinforcement in there. So spending all day on the golf course or with your kids or whatever it is that you can do to reward yourself. So you can say, you know what? I deserve to treat myself today because I met my goals last week. When motivation wanes and it will, revisit your decisional balance exercise. Revisit all the reasons that you want to change. All the reasons that you don't want to stay the same and bolster that enthusiasm again. And also look back over what you've accomplished. So you can say, you know what? I have come so far. It would be a shame to throw in the towel now. If you like this podcast, please subscribe on your favorite podcast app or join our Facebook group on Facebook. It's called Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery. 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