 Do you know what the biggest challenge is for women who leave a toxic relationship? It's not finding a great guy. It's getting into a normal relationship with a great guy, not because she can't find one, but because she's still carrying baggage from the toxic relationship into the new one. So today I'm gonna talk about six things that you'll probably end up doing when you finally meet a great guy after being with a toxic one and what you should do about it. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If this is your first time here, make sure you subscribe and if you really wanna get into a great relationship where you're loved and seen and cherished by a great guy, make sure that you go pick up my program at theforeverwomanformula.com. You can get it there for free, theforeverwomanformula.com. Okay, so what happens when you first meet a great guy after you've been in a toxic relationship? The first thing is that you stop trusting men and so it's not that you hate men but you end up finding it really difficult to trust people because you just came out of a situation where you're hurt and where you were manipulated or you're in a toxic situation and so you find it really difficult to even trust yourself because of how you ended up falling into this toxic relationship that you were in and you may even doubt that a good, honest man even still exists. And by the way, if you're here right now make sure that you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're coming from, you're watching this from, it's always cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. So number two is you overthink situations rather than listening to your new partner. So your mind ends up racing and you read too much into very simple and normal encounters and you start doubting everything that he says, you assume things that aren't true, you read into innocent comments that he says and really what this is is kind of like a PTSD like symptoms that you get from your last relationship and you're just bringing kind of this overthinking thing into the situation instead of actually listening and being present and connecting with your partner and being there with them because you have this, your mind's trying to protect you and so you end up overthinking things and it just ends up sabotaging your own happiness and your own ability to really be present and connect with the new guy you're with. Number three is you think this new guy and the entire relationship is just too good to be true. So you feel like there's always something wrong, maybe he's hiding something, you kind of sense it and you start looking for it but there's not actually anything there and if there is something there, it's not as big as you think it is and you might end up making it into something really big even if it's not because you're looking for it and you wanna find it and when you do find it you're like, ah-ha, you know and so you might end up even creating something that isn't there just to fulfill your suspicions and so this can end up turning you into kind of the toxic person in the relationship because you're looking to protect yourself. This is all things that you're doing just to protect yourself and so number four is you start pushing him and other people away. So often women coming out of toxic relationships end up feeling like they don't deserve to be happy, like you don't deserve a great man or a great relationship so you end up finding excuses for why this relationship that you're in right now won't actually work and so you end up focusing on his flaws or you end up focusing on your flaws and you start pushing him away or you abruptly and immediately end the relationship and a lot of times what ends up happening is you'll end the relationship and then try to go back because you're like, I don't know what I was thinking and you start trying to rationalize it to him and it's just a mess and you're gonna keep doing it until you do something about this. So number five is you expect arguments, fighting and drama even and especially when there aren't any, there's nothing to, there's no drama to be had and there aren't any arguments to be had, you expect that your new partner will behave like you're ex-did and so you're waiting for the manipulation and the guilt trips and the insults and all the things, whatever it was that your ex did, you're waiting for those things to happen and you're ready with your own comebacks to fight back and to survive like you had to in your last relationship. If you get what I'm talking about right now, say I get it in the chat, say I get it and if you don't get what we're talking about, ask questions, we can talk about whatever it is that you want, anything that's going on in your relationship or your situation, we can talk about that in the question and answer once I'm done here. So number six and this is the final one is you over apologize and carry on like you're a burden and so you feel like you're undeserving of him and his kindness, you apologize too often and you feel like you're always just messing things up and screwing things up and doing stupid things and so you think that he'll eventually leave you so you may even end up deciding that you're going to leave because you believe that he deserves better and so a lot of times women will say things like you deserve better and if you notice there are guys that like these are very, very similar things to what a lot of guys will do if they end up leaving a toxic relationship and getting into a good relationship and so these are the kinds of things that you'll end up hearing from him as well or that you might end up saying. So you end up doing all these things right and you came from this toxic relationship. Well, how do you deal with this? How do you get into a better situation? How do you set yourself up so that you're not sabotaging whatever new relationship that you get into and so this is what you wanna do. First, you wanna create awareness around whatever it is that you're doing so just create awareness, just take some time and just think about it. Just try to pull yourself out of situations whenever you get really emotionally wrapped into things. A lot of times it's really easy to get sucked into an emotion and then do something and it can be really powerful if you kinda pull yourself out when you start feeling yourself getting really emotional to pull yourself out and just notice how you're behaving and what it is that you're doing. Another way to do this is to wait until afterwards and then look back on it and say, okay, what were the things that I was doing in this situation? And that way you're kinda setting yourself up to know how you're behaving and you know what you're doing that way you can change those behaviors because if you're not aware of those behaviors you're not gonna be able to change it. So second is you wanna own up to your thinking and your behavior. So the first step is awareness, the second step is taking ownership of it and really taking, this can mean that you end up communicating with your partner and just realizing that what you're thinking is more of a hallucination than it is a reality. You wanna kinda own up to your behaviors and the things that you did. This might also be to your partner. It might just be to yourself. Maybe if you work with a therapist or something that's something that you can do as well and talk to your therapist about and just kind of take ownership because the more you take ownership the more you're able to do something about it. If you just kind of reflect it or if you blame it on somebody else or you end up blaming it on the past or saying, oh, I'm doing this because of the past there's nothing you can do about it when you blame it on the past. There's something you can do about it if you take ownership of it and decide that you are actually the person that's in charge here and not your past, not your situation, not somebody else. Third is change your belief systems around what you believe you deserve. And so I go in excruciating detail about this it's actually, I think it's kind of fun. I like reframing limiting beliefs when I have them. I go into deep detail about this in the forever woman program. If you wanna check that out it's at theforeverwomanformula.com you can get the program there for free. My suggestion is that you go over that multiple times because more than just being about getting into a great relationship it's also really about helping you believe in your own value and see your own value as a human being so that when you do get into a great relationship you can make it the kind of relationship you want. You don't end up sabotaging it. You don't end up destroying it. You end up attracting a great guy. And so my suggestion is that you go get that program. Fourth thing is forgive yourself for getting into a toxic relationship in the first place. A lot of times women will end up beating themselves up and talking bad about themselves or sitting around thinking about what they should have done and what they could have done. And it's just, it's a really painful place to be. Anytime you're in a situation where you look at your past and you get stuck on what you should have done it only creates pain for you. Or even in the present moment if you're in a situation where you might still be in a toxic relationship or you attracted a new toxic person or something like that. If you get really focused on what you've done and how you can't change it then you just end up creating more suffering for yourself. And so you wanna forgive yourself for any problems that you've created for yourself or any situations that you've gotten into in the past. And so just let go of that and forgive yourself and just let go, just let go of it. So, and then the fifth thing is to decide today that you're gonna create a new future for yourself. So a future where you can trust and love and connect again. And when you make a firm decision that you're in charge of your destiny and you're gonna create what it is that you want to have in your life that's when you start regaining control of what you can possibly have for yourself in your life. Okay, so next we're gonna do question and answer. So if you have any questions then make sure that you throw them into the chat and I will go over all the questions that anybody has for different things here. So, hello, hello, hello, hello. Kavita says, my guy friend texting sucks. Okay, not sure what that means. Hello, hello, hello. Hey, Sissy, hey, Ani, Danielle. Hello, hello. Edna says, you are great inspiration for simple yet aspiring people. Well, thank you. Cassandra says, she's watching from Akron. Cool, cool. Norway, what do we have? So Irene says, so true, I was in this position and we broke up, but now I am with a wonderful man. Awesome, that's awesome. Julie says, hi, Matthew, hope you are okay. Thank God for you because I followed all your lessons and I'm now doing the right relationship. Now met the right soulmate after toxic relationship. You showed me the right way. This time I'm keeping you with me through this new partner. Well, awesome, it's really cool. I love it whenever I hear the women in our community who get into amazing relationships, especially after they've come out of toxic ones. The program, The Forever Woman, is really designed to help you get into a great relationship regardless of where you've come from. And so if you don't have it yet, go check it out. Thank you, Julie, for being here and saying that. I appreciate it. Lots of people get it. So Jen says, I get it but my partner now is very opposite so I found him. Thank you, Matt, you're welcome, you're welcome, it's awesome. Vita says, I know not to nag him, that's good. Star says, I'm getting out of a toxic relationship. I just need advice of how to keep moving forward instead of backwards. Yeah, just like what I just talked about, you should definitely do those five things, right? Create awareness around your thoughts and around your communication patterns and make sure that you're doing things that are healthy and not toxic and not coming from the past. You're not bringing that baggage into the new relationship, right? Owning up to your behavior and your thoughts, changing your belief systems, forgiving yourself and deciding that you're gonna create a new future for yourself today. So those are really the things that you need to do. Okay, so Irene says, Guy I was with was saying he was afraid of letting his feelings go. Afraid to take a step even though he wanted to. I pulled back when I did, I met a wonderful man. Now this other man wants me back because he feels more comfortable. Well, and that's a typical situation, right? So if a guy's not stepping up and he's afraid and he's all that kind of stuff, what ends up happening? And usually what we end up suggesting, which is the creating the abundance principle, which is exactly what you did. You're like, okay, well, if you're not going to, I'm gonna go and find somebody who will and you found a great guy. And so this other guy ends up coming back because he's like, no, I don't wanna lose you, right? And so this is typically what happens, right? So just if you're watching this and this is a lesson for you, because there's a lot of women that come to us and they're like, oh, well, this one guy, he won't step up. And so, you know, what do I do? How do I make him step up? And the answer is that you don't make him step up. He needs to decide that he wants to keep you and that you're too important to him to let you go and then he needs to step up. And the best way to do that is to let him go and be like, look, this is what I want. If you can't give that to me, that's fine. But I'm going to move on with my life and I'm not gonna get caught up because what a lot of women will do is they'll just stay in the situation and the next thing you know, they'll end up, you know, being in a situation that they don't wanna be in with a guy that they want to step up but he's like, hey, I'm getting all my needs met. Why would I do that? And it's not always the situation that you move on and then the guy comes back but you know, you're either gonna get into a situation you don't wanna be in or you're gonna find a new situation that you do want to be in. And so the best thing to do is let go. And so Irene says, so how do I let him down without hurting him? I don't really want to tell him I met someone else because I don't want to hurt him. Well, here's my suggestion. Stop being so worried about hurting him, right? He's, people fall in love, they get attached to people and they get hurt. That's a normal part of life, right? And you can be compassionate with him, right? Like I'm not saying that you should try to hurt him but if you're with a new guy and you really like this new guy and you're not looking to get back with the old guy, then you have to let him know. You have to let him know and just tell him and just be honest with him. You know, and at the same time be compassionate to him and just let him know. You know, it's really one of the best ways to do it is to compliment him first and just tell him that you really like him and you enjoyed your time being with him and you appreciate him coming back to you and stepping up but that you've already found somebody else and that you're really sorry but you want to see how things go with this new guy that you're with. You know, and yeah, that sucks. It sucks to hear that as somebody who connects with somebody and really likes somebody and wants something to work out with them. But at the same time, it's like he has to hear that and the sooner he hears that and he knows that you're not available and that nothing's gonna happen anymore, the faster he can get over it and move on with his life. Whereas if you just kind of hold on to him or you try to, you know, sneak around it or you try to tell him something that's not really true or whatever, all you're doing is prolonging his pain and even making it so that he might end up having more pain in the future because he's getting even more attached because there's more time and now he's trying harder and all these other things and so if you stop it at the very beginning, you're just like, hey, this isn't going anywhere, it can't go anywhere, this is what's going on, then it's a lot better, it's actually a lot better for him, right? It's actually being a lot more compassionate to him. You're not gonna not hurt him. He's gonna end up getting hurt, right? He's already emotionally engaged in this and that's fine, right? He's a grown adult. He can handle it, right? And so you need to just be honest with it. You need to be a grown adult, a mature grown adult and let him know what's going on with you. Okay, so what else do we have here? Hello, hello, hello. Linda says, I am now a forever woman. Thank you so much, Matthew, you are welcome. You are welcome, that's awesome to hear. That is awesome to hear. Okay, so Danielle says, how do I know if my guy is toxic or just insecure? Well, that is a big topic. What is your guy doing? What's going on? You know, there needs to be more information. I mean, I could do a whole live stream on that. Tuwin says, thank you for saying forgive yourself. So true, a nice chair, by the way, thanks. Thanks, this is a new chair. Shelly says, hi, Matt, I continue to meet guys, date them for a bit. They take me away for a weekend and then withdraw. Why is that? Well, it's one of those things like most, I mean, how many guys are you meeting that take you away for a weekend and then withdraw? I mean, what's going on here, right? Like, why are you going off on a weekend with multiple different guys on multiple different weekends, right? My suggestion is that you use the system, right? And you make sure that you're getting yourself into a good situation. And I wouldn't go on a weekend with a guy if I were you unless you were in a committed relationship. I think that just going off on weekends with guys is a great way for you to end up getting yourself hurt if you're not in a committed relationship with them. So my suggestion is that you stop doing that, right? So there could be a whole bunch of different reasons why he withdraws after this. It could be that they just wanted to go on a fun weekend with a girl and not have anything more than that, right? It could be that, you know, they got intimate with you and then there was something else that ended up happening. It could be that they ended up going up on a weekend with you and, and, you know, they found that it wasn't really a match and so they ended up withdrawing. So my suggestion is that you stop doing the going with guys on a weekend trip thing and instead meet guys and get into normal relationships based on the way, based and make sure that you're setting yourself up to be in a great relationship and that you know what it is that they're looking for. And I don't know what you're doing on these weekends with them. I would imagine that you're, you know, hooking up with the guys or something. I have no idea, right? There's not enough information here for me to say what exactly it is that you're doing, but you definitely don't want to, you definitely don't want to end up going out and hooking up with dudes on weekend trips and then wondering why they disappear on you afterwards. So my suggestion is that you stop doing that all together. So Eddie says, guy friend freaked out when I turned off phone for 18 hours. Okay. Michelle says, I miss this. Will it be available later? Yes it will. Amanda says, I am with a great guy doing long distance because I am back in school and I have done all the wrong things lately because of my insecurities and now he is being really distant. So I'm with a great guy doing long distance because I'm back in school and I've done all the wrong things because of my insecurities. So how you fix it is you need to lean back, right? You need to chill out and you need to stop trying to fix it. And instead just let it be what it is and see where he is with things. And if you haven't completely ruined things then he will end up coming back and pursuing more with you. And if you have ruined things then there's other things that you can end up doing. But being long distance is really difficult to do a whole lot when you screw things up really badly. So my suggestion is that you stop doing things, stop trying to fix it, relax, lean back and let him pursue you. Just like what we talk about in the forever one. So Melissa says, please talk more about limiting beliefs and give examples of positive statements. So limiting beliefs are things, so if you're not familiar, limiting beliefs are things that, beliefs that you have, right? They're usually statements or thoughts that you have about yourself, about the world around you, about life, about anything, right? About your capabilities, about what you deserve, right? So it could be that you feel or you believe that you don't really deserve a great man or you believe that all men are pigs or you believe that whatever it is that you believe and really what you wanna do is just become aware of it. And the best way to become aware of your limiting beliefs is just to listen to yourself because you're limiting beliefs will come up, right? In different situations. And so whenever you put yourself into a specific situation, beliefs will come up. So if you get yourself into a situation with a guy or you go out on a night in the town or whatever, right? You go on a date and your thoughts will start coming up, right? Do I really deserve this guy, you know? He doesn't like me, you know? I'm too fat, I'm too short, I'm too tall, I'm too skinny, I'm too whatever, right? I have my hair is ugly or my face is ugly or whatever, right? So you have these different limiting beliefs that you have. And so what you wanna do, and I mean there's so many different positive statements that you can have, what you wanna do is change those beliefs that you have. And the fastest way to do that is to create doubt. So all a belief is a statement about the world or yourself or life or whatever that you have a lot of certainty, that you have a lot of belief, that you have a lot of confidence around, right? Or you have a lot of usually evidence, right? And so what you wanna do is start questioning whether that belief is true or not and find out what evidence that you have for that belief and then start questioning whether that evidence actually creates your reality or the world or whether it's just an example or whether it's even true about that example that you do have. So let's take an example. Let's say that you believe that you're too old, right? You believe that you're, let's say you're 40 years old and you believe you're too old to ever find a great man and fall in love and get married again, which is something that I hear from women in our community all the time. And so one of the things that you might look at is start questioning it and say, is it really true that I'm too old? And one of the things that you might first come up with is yeah, it is really true. And so you might wanna say, yeah, but is it really true, right? Like I actually got this from Byron Katie. She has a great system. It's called The Work. And what she does is she questions limiting beliefs. And so what you do is you just say, yeah, is this really all that true that I can't? And so, you know, if you really sit there and think about it, you might start to realize that it's not true. And if you can't really realize that, what you might wanna do is start looking for evidence that it's not true, right? So I have a live stream that I did that's called Why Men Love Older Women. And in that live stream, there are, I mean, just, I don't know how many women, probably dozens and dozens of women in that live stream who talk about how they're dating men who are three, five, 10, 15, even 20 years younger than they are. And so, you know, when you look at that live stream, you watch that live stream and you read the comments from all these women, you can start to see that there's evidence out there of these women who are dating men who are much younger than them and they're in their 40s, 50s, 60s, right? And so it's definitely, it starts to create doubt, right? Once you start to see evidence that it is possible that you could have a relationship even though you're 40 years old and you're not too old, all of a sudden it creates doubt around the belief that you have. So I'm not gonna go into any more detail on that. If you want more information about that, go pick up the forever woman program at theforeverwomanformula.com. There should be a link above or below this video depending on where you're watching it from right now and you can check out more about how to reframe your limiting beliefs about who you are and what's possible for you in your relationship. Anu says, he wants me one minute and doesn't the other. Then he says he, we always said, let's enjoy and not label it. Then gets jealous if I mention another guy. Well, it sounds like there's all kinds of toxic things going on right there Anu. So yeah, I mean, one, we don't recommend in our community and anything that we do to get into a situation where you're not in a committed relationship. We just don't recommend that. I don't recommend it. There are too many women that I know that get into friend with benefits type situations where they end up falling in love with a guy and the guy's like, hey, we weren't gonna put a label on this, right? And next thing you know, they're like, what do I do? And it's like, well, you put yourself into a bad situation from the beginning and there are things that you can do but I don't suggest that you get into a situation like that at all. And yeah, so Sheila says, hi from Tennessee. Thank you for all your good advice. I hope to find my soulmate one day. I know I'll be much stronger and smarter when I do. So thank you. Well, you're welcome. Thanks for being here. Nancy says, Matthew, why would a man ghost you after everything seems so wonderful? Suddenly he has lots of things going on in his life. How should we act in this situation? So it doesn't sound like he ghosted you. It sounds like he's letting you know that he's got a lot of things going on in his life and that those things take the priority over you. That's a big difference between that and ghosting. Ghosting means that a guy disappears and ignores your texts and calls. So this doesn't sound like it's ghosting. It sounds like he's pulling away and he's shifting his priorities. And the way that you should act in this situation is to give him space and let him go and do whatever it is that he's doing and live your life and create a lifestyle and specifically an abundance of connection. So you wanna start creating abundance in your life. Specifically, like I said, an abundance of creating different types of connection so that you're not so focused on what he's doing and depending on your situation, I don't know your situation, right? So if you're not in a committed relationship, my suggestion is that you create an abundance of options as well and start dating other guys and start seeing other guys. If you're in a committed relationship, then you need to start creating an abundance of connection where you're connecting with friends and family and other people and having lots of different things going on in your life so that you're not totally caught up on what's going on with him and you can lean back and you can let him do whatever it is that he's doing. If he's got some other legitimate priority in his life, if he doesn't have a legitimate priority that's going on in his life, then what you should probably start questioning is what's actually going on there and whether he's actually committed to the relationship or not. So Vanessa said, oh my God, confirmation, thank you, you're welcome. Purple moon abyss, what a great name. It says, I don't why people need another person in their life just to be happy, just be happy in love with yourself, less problems. Well, it's not about having another, hopefully you're not using another person to make you happy. If you are, that is a problem. That's a serious problem. People get into relationships to enhance their life. Hopefully they don't get into relationships to complete, make themselves feel complete or fulfilled because that's definitely a serious problem. But yeah, you absolutely should be happy and love yourself and then if you want an even better life, get into a great relationship because great relationships are absolutely amazing and having a great relationship can totally enhance your life in ways that being by yourself will never do. And we as people are designed to be in relationships. That's literally how we evolved and how we got out of the caves is by having real relationships with people and growing together. And so I think it's very important to learn about having relationships because relationships are one of the things that make life worth living. Julie Tree says, hi Matt, considering I have had a horrific childhood, I always have a problem with saying sorry, how do I overcome this? So you do just like what I talked about which is you go over those five steps that I talked about which the first is creating awareness around the fact that you're doing it which it sounds like you have. Second is owning up to your thinking and behavior. So really taking ownership of it because once you take ownership of you doing it and what you're doing, then you can actually change it and do something else if you want to. Third is changing your belief systems around what you deserve. Fourth is forgiving yourself for having a toxic child or getting into toxic relationships. And fifth is deciding today that you're gonna create a new future for yourself and doing something completely different. And so my suggestion is that you go through the forever woman program and use it like it's designed. A lot of women, they'll listen to the whole thing and they'll go, okay, what's next? And it's like, well, first you need to actually use what's in the system. So a lot of people, what they do is they're like constantly trying to get new information, right? And I've done this in my past as well where I get a program, go through the whole program, then I'm like, okay, what's the next program, right? And I'm like, I'm a seminar junkie. I love going to seminars. I love learning information. I love improving myself. I love getting information about how to improve myself. And so what you really wanna do is use the information in the program because if you don't use it, then it's nothing that's gonna change for you. And so you have to use what's in the program. Shelly says, I'm giving, I'm a giving, caring, compassionate person, allowing those I choosing into my space, but it seems that my happy and expressiveness causes them to withdraw. I choose how much I invest, then I withdraw myself. What is a way I can meet someone and not be so myself nice and friendly so I don't get steamrolled? So here's Shelly, I'd like to propose an idea for you right now. And the idea is that it's probably not that you're a happy person that's causing any kinds of problems in whatever situation that you're in. My guess is that it's something else. And so this is exactly what we're talking about before with the limiting beliefs, right? So is it really that you're a happy, expressive person that makes them withdraw? Is that really what the problem is? And my suggestion is that it probably isn't. It's probably something else in that. You start looking at some other things that are going on that might actually be the real problem because if you think that you being happy and expressive is what the problem is and you start believing that you're going to go down the wrong road and you're going to go into a road that you don't want to go into. And so I'd start looking at some other things that might be going on there that isn't about being happy and expressive and just start asking people about it just to ask people that you know like what do you think this might be, right? Because if you think that it's this but it's actually not that then it might be something completely different. Another thing that you've mentioned here is you say, so I don't get steamrolled, right? And that's really interesting for you to say right after saying that you're, it's the problem is that you're happy and expressive and then you're talking about getting steamrolled which isn't has nothing to do with being happy and expressive, right? So being happy and expressive and getting steamrolled are two completely different things and what it sounds like is that you don't have boundaries. That's what getting steamrolled sounds like because people who have boundaries don't get steamrolled and you can be happy and expressive and have boundaries and I talked specifically about how to set boundaries in the Love Frames toolkit if you're interested in that program. So Star Garcia says, what should I do if I keep getting disrespected and dismissed from my son's dad? It's so hard to co-parent. It's always something said to me that's rude. So what do you do? So it's one of those things where if you have to like communicate with somebody in your life it's a problem, right? But you can always kind of pull yourself out of the situation as much as you possibly can because you don't ever wanna be in situations where you're being disrespected or dismissed but if you're being disrespected and dismissed the question is why do you need to communicate with them in a way that allows you to be disrespected and dismissed? I don't know what your situation is. I'm guessing you have some kind of it sounds like you're a co-parent. So you're probably in a situation where you have custody sometimes and he has custody sometimes. And my suggestion is that you stop trying to have a lot of communication with him and bring the communication down to only the things that are absolutely necessary and that that's the only kind of communication you have and any other kind of communication you don't have. And if it gets really bad that you get the police or the courts involved in it and make it so that you don't even need to communicate with them with him it's just communicated what's going on. And then the only communication that you necessarily need to have is through your son and when he's going where and when he's coming back and all that kind of stuff. And I've come from a family where this is exactly what was going on. And actually my brother he was in a very similar situation to this and that's exactly what ended up happening was that he didn't talk to his ex-wife for years and all the communication would just go through his son and it was just they talked and that was it. And he didn't have any conversation with his ex-wife and so you don't necessarily need to have depending on how old your son is you don't necessarily need to have communication with your ex. Rebecca says, I feel like I'm apologizing all the time. He says I don't text too much but he said he has to decode my messages which makes me feel like he doesn't want me. Yep. So Kara says, if a man know that you care about you mom is that scared them? I don't know what that means. I don't know what you're saying right there. So Starr says, what's the difference from toxic and narcissistic? Well, first toxic is a huge kind of macro level of potential behaviorisms or people that have things going on with them that are kind of destructive to you. The term narcissistic is a very overused term in our industry where everybody's like there's a lot of women that all like in fact, for instance, we have banned the word narcissistic in our community. So if you say the word narcissistic you'll have your comments removed around that not because it's the person isn't narcissistic or whatever but because so many people are using that now to scapegoat themselves or to blame men for doing things that they don't want them to do, right? So if a guy pulls away, women are like, oh, he's narcissistic or if a guy does something that they don't like, right? If he takes his own needs into account or something and it doesn't work well with the woman she's like, oh, he's narcissistic. And so we try to get away from saying the word narcissistic because it can turn into a toxic way of communicating and labeling and judging people and turning them into objects instead of looking at them and having compassion for them and thinking of them as an actual human being. And so my suggestion is that you don't use the term narcissistic but the point is is that yeah, absolutely narcissistic behavior is the ones that they talk about on YouTube and in different places in the dating industry it's just toxic behavior, right? That you're looking at and that's really what I suggest you do is you look at something instead of labeling someone a narcissist or any of that kind of stuff just look at behaviors and say is this something that I want? Does this serve me? Is this gonna put me into a healthy relationship? And if it's not, get yourself out of the situation don't start labeling and judging and all that kind of stuff just get yourself out, right? Get yourself out of the bad situation that you're in and instead of trying to attack somebody. So Samuel says when we feel something is wrong with your relationship and we are tired of fighting should we end it or let things be or keep on trying to spark the flame in our partner? Well, it kind of depends, right? So what ends up happening a lot is that people get into these fights and then what ends up happening over time is you start creating associations, right? It's called an anchor. And so if you're around your partner a lot and you and your partner are fighting most of the time that you're around each other eventually what's gonna happen is that you and your partner when you see each other are gonna start getting angry and it's not even gonna be about anything and eventually it's just gonna be that you're angry all the time because you've created an association to him about being angry and so you see him and you get angry and he's created an association to you where he sees you and he gets angry and that can completely destroy any chance that you have of having a relationship with him at all in the future. And what you wanna do instead is create an anchor of positivity around this. I'm actually creating a program about how to do this specifically in all the different ways. Here it should be out in the next couple of weeks hopefully and so what you wanna do is start creating emotion when you're around each other you want to have lots and lots of positive emotional experiences so that when you're gone he misses you and if you're hanging out and you're fighting all the time it's a problem so absolutely it depends on what you're fighting about a lot of times you might end up fighting and then it's like what are we even fighting about we're fighting about nothing he doesn't see me he doesn't he feels like you don't appreciate him and it just turns into this battle and so what you guys really need to do is learn how to connect with each other so that you feel like you're being seen and he feels like he's being appreciated and once that happens then it'll shift the entire dynamics of what happens in your relationship. So Danielle says he takes everything to heart he blames me for his sadness in fact he blames everyone else but himself for anything bad that has happened in his life. Is this typical toxic behavior? Yes, it is absolutely typical toxic behavior. Samuel says, hi Matthew you look good by the way, thank you. Linda says forgot to say I will be continuing with the community. This is just the beginning and I want the best relationship. Awesome, well thank you for continuing with the community Linda. I appreciate you being here. Irene says thanks Matthew forever woman allowed me to walk away and find the man of my dreams and now we are getting married. That is what I'm, high five Irene. I love hearing stuff like that. Thank you for sharing that here on this live stream so thank you so much. That's what it's designed for. That's what it's designed for. It sounds like you used it and you got the result that you wanted so. Thank you so much and if you're here and you're interested in my program the forever woman, go check out the forever woman formula.com. You can get the program for free if you wanna stay a part of our community you can stay a part of our community as well. That's great. So Shelby says I've been seeing someone for almost five months, once every week or two. He is only seeing me but this isn't moving forward and so I'm still practicing abundance until he has an exclusivity combo in talking and seeing me more. Feeling guilty, advice. Yeah, so I mean if you're feeling guilty about what you're feeling guilty about seeing other people I mean if you've been seeing a guy for almost five months, once every week or two and my guess is that he's starting to at least think that there's something going on between the two of you guys so I don't know why you guys haven't had some kind of conversation about this yet but you should definitely start talking about I mean have you talked to him about what he's looking for? Have you built an emotional connection with him? Have you, you know it really depends right? So if you guys haven't had any of these conversations about what he's looking for about what you're looking for five months is a long time to be seeing somebody. Have you guys been physically intimate with each other? Like what's going on there? I'd like to know more about your situation before I give you any advice on it. Michelle says how do you go from a toxic relationship to allowing yourself to receive? How much is too much? He wants to give so much. Some things I do not feel comfortable with. I've never had someone want to provide so much. New car, home, et cetera. Well, is this a relationship that you're in right now, Michelle, that sounds amazing. So you're in a situation. So it can take, one, what you need to do is do exactly what I talked about at the end of the live stream here where I talk about creating awareness which sounds like you are creating awareness around the fact that you don't or you have this weird thing about receiving things and so own up to the fact that you're doing it which it sounds like you're doing right now, changing your belief systems around what you believe you deserve. I talk about this a lot in the Forever Woman program. Just finding out what beliefs are holding you back there where you're like, do I deserve, which is what it sounds like to me. Do I really deserve all of this stuff that this guy is trying to give to me? You men are natural providers and yeah, I mean, you should, one, make sure that you're being careful. I don't know what your specific situation is, Michelle, but you don't wanna get into a situation where you feel trapped or something if this is a new guy because that could end up putting you into a really bad situation as well but you also want to allow yourself to provide. So what you might wanna end up doing if this is too fast, too much too fast is setting up boundaries around what you actually want and what you're actually comfortable with because if you meet a guy and within a week, he's like, hey, let's move in together and here's a new car for you and you're gonna be living in this apartment all the time and here's a bunch of dresses and stuff that it's a little strange and I don't know how long you guys have been seeing each other and all that kind of stuff but you may want to start setting boundaries and setting up kind of what you feel comfortable with and prolonging how things go so that you're making sure that you're getting into a really good situation and you're not just jumping headfirst into something weird that's going on that you don't even know about. So Star Garcia says, it's difficult dealing with a person who sees no wrong but puts the blame on the other person. Of course it is and you want to avoid doing that as much as possible. So Nancy says, Matthew, I used your system, found a great guy but why a man in what it seems a committed relationship suddenly ghost you? Everything seems good but now has a lot going on in his life. How should we act makes me not trust words. It depends on what you mean by ghosting you. Was this from the previous comment? I'm not sure if this was from earlier or not but if he's talking about what's going on in his life and he's saying, hey, there's all these things going on. Doesn't sound like he's ghosting you. It sounds like he's pulling away and you need to pull back and lean back and let him pursue you. So Star Garcia, you guys are having a conversation. You're having a conversation in the live stream, that's cool. Arlene says, hello Matt, Arlene here from the Philippines, nice. Shelby says, do you recommend waiting until he brings up wanting to be exclusive always? Well, no, absolutely not. And one of the things I talk about in the forever woman program is that you should not be getting physically intimate with somebody without exclusivity. And that's my suggestion, is that you bring it up when before you guys get physically intimate with each other, not after. And if you guys already are physically intimate with each other, then my suggestion is that you don't get physically intimate again without bringing up exclusivity and not getting physically intimate at all again unless he agrees to it. Nancy says, thank you so much. He did ignore me until I finally got a reply. Love you, thank you. All right. Anu says, thank you Matt since I've been following your videos, especially with Helena, I have told the guy I'm casually dating that I'd like to see where this could go and give him space to think about it. Okay. Amanda says, hi, I'm listening from Canada. I listen to many of your videos. I am deaf and blind in a long distance relationship with a wonderful guy. That is amazing. I'm not sure how you listen to my videos if you're deaf and blind, but that's awesome. Laurie says, I'm leaning way back. Today is day one. I watch you at work every night. Love your videos, fingers crossed. Okay. So Nancy says, so many wonderful women. I hope you find a good guy. I hope you guys find great guys too. And if you're following my system, you certainly will. Diana says, hi Matt, how are you from Michigan? I'm doing great. Thanks for asking. I really appreciate that. Amanda says, I am sorry I've gotten into any of the chats. They have been very inaccessible to me and I'm figured it out now and I'm very proud of myself. Well, I'm happy you're here Amanda, so thanks. Sam says, hi from New Zealand. You're great. Thank you for your great material. I wish I knew these things earlier in my 20s, early 30s would save me from crazies. Just started a new relationship and your work is priceless. Well, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're using my stuff and I appreciate you. I appreciate you talking about how much you appreciate my stuff. So thank you. Mel Mel says, hello, I am so late but I'll listen to you from the start. Love your chats, love your advice going through a divorce right now. Trying to get myself ready to just understand what I want and who I am. All right. So, Lee Salat says, is it bad having a friend with benefits going on for now third year on and off? My best girlfriend says he has feelings for me. How would I know? Well, like I said earlier, I don't recommend, we do not recommend friend with benefits situations in our community. There are just too many bad situations that can happen from that. How would you know? There are a lot of things that you can find out whether you know, whether he has feelings for you or not. But my suggestion is that you get out of the friend with benefits situation and you get yourself into a committed relationship and that you don't allow yourself to get into a friend with benefits situation ever again because I believe that you deserve more if that's what you want. And if you don't want more, then you can do whatever it is that you want to do, but I don't think that's, I don't think that's really serving you in your long-term interest. So, Judy says, what are your tips for communicating back with a guy that you previously really liked? He popped back in depth length for a while, then gone a few weeks, but he's had recent health issues, busy job. My suggestion is that you lean back and that you create abundance for yourself and that you don't worry about some dude who pops in and disappears and instead, you find somebody that's gonna be consistent with you and that you communicate with him that you're looking for somebody who's really consistent with you and if he's not willing to do that, then he's not your guy. That's my suggestion. Shelly says, thanks Matt. It's nice finally being able to have a brief chat with you. Big time for self-reflection. All right, Melmel says, thank you so much for helping us understand how to get better at understanding how men think and how we could be better at building and keeping great relationships. You are awesome. Thank you, Melmel. I appreciate that and I'm glad that you are, that it's helping you. Glad that this is helping you. San said, just had a lot of old stuff come up. Great relationship. It's so scary first time for three months plus talking since day one about values and needs but learning to share old stuff with self-acceptance. All right, from South Africa. Nancy says, great advice, limit communication worked well for me, was in the same situation with my ex. So Melmel says, husband is trying to come back but he does not want to make any changes. It feels unbalanced. I feel unappreciated and used. I feel neglected and don't feel that it's worth it if nothing changes. Yep, there you go. Amanda says, no woman should be treated that way. Yep, so Norma says, love all your inspiration and information, Valor says, met a guy online. He hardly calls. I think he's not into me. When I stop texting, then he does more. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things where, so you met a guy online. Have you actually met him in real life? Gotta always ask that when women say that they've met a guy online and are just talking about how he calls or is talking to them but isn't meeting up. If you're not talking about meeting up, it concerns me that you may have never met up and that you're getting heavily involved in a guy who may be a scam or something like that. And so you may want to mention that you guys have actually met, right? Because if you're building a relationship over text messages or messaging or something like that, that's a serious problem. You wanna meet people in real life and you don't wanna build relationships over text message. Remember, the magic is in the media. The magic is in the media. Erica says, Valerie, he's just enjoying having you on the hook, watching you bite when he contacts you. Litha says, after being with a narcissist for many years, trust is now not easy in my new single life. Yep, can be hard. Jennifer says, when is the right time to say I love you? Neither of us have said it yet but it seems like we both feel it. So when is the right time to say I love you? I mean, you can say it whenever you want to. Really, if you wanna play the game, you can get him to say it first, right? There's different ways to do that or you can accuse him of feeling that way for you and see how he reacts to that, which is kind of funny. We've had a few women do that in our community. I've suggested it a couple of times and it tends to work out really well as if you, you, because you can't really tell, right? So there's certain things that people do where they can't really tell because they're doing it, right? And so if you're doing something and you don't know that you're doing it, it, that happens a lot, right? Like a lot of people can do, you might end up, like if you're looking at somebody, you don't know how you're looking at them. You might have a smile on your face and not even realize you're smiling. You might be frowning, you might be questioning, right? And they're like, hey, look at his face, right? I've had that happen to me before in the past. And where somebody was like, like, why are you, are you mad right now? And you're like, oh, I didn't realize I had that on my face, right? And so you can always accuse him of looking at you in a way where he's looking at you like he's totally in love or that he's falling in love or something like that where you're like, you know, you keep looking at me like you're totally in love with me, right? And usually if you say something like that to a guy, he'll probably end up trying to deny it. But what you can say is what you just say is, no, it's okay, I like it, right? So you accuse him of looking at you in a way that makes it so that you, you're showing him that you know that he's falling in love with you. And then when he denies it, which he might or he probably will, sometimes they don't. Sometimes he might just be like, you're right, I do if he's really confident in himself. But if he denies it, you can say, no, it's okay, I like it, right? Which gives him permission to feel that way. And it shows that you're on the same page with that. And so it makes that whole conversation a lot easier to have. And it makes him feel more comfortable saying it. So Cindy says, Valerie, he's probably talking to a lot of other women too. Kavita, my new friend has a lot of baggage. My new guy friend has a lot of baggage, yeah, that can happen. Akira says, my mom's sick, early dementia. I spend most of my time with her, helping her and caring that can make any man don't want me or don't want the style of my life. I can't leave her, I love her so much. And so that right there, Akira, is a limiting belief, right? So I spend most of my time with my mom and my mom has dementia and that can make any man not want me, right? That's a limiting belief, right? Like it could make a guy not want you, could also make a guy feel like you're a wonderful caring person who really has lots of compassion and cares for her mom, right? And that's a really attractive quality for men. And so right now you have a belief about why men might not want you. And it's, it could be that it's something that men might actually really like about you and think that your long-term relationship material, because it's something that you do. So you might wanna stop and think about that one for a bit, Akira, Akira, Akira, not sure how to pronounce your name. Jerry says, hi Matt, thanks for all that you do. Space and softness really works. Love ya, girl from AZ, all right. Adaku says, if a man really wants you, there's nothing in the world that would keep him from you. That is the theory. Sissy says, I was wondering where you were, where were you, and you live, and you streams missing you. Okay. Carol says, what does it mean when a man calls you his wife to just about everybody, but has yet to propose? We're an older couple. We've been together a little over a year, pretty much know what we do and don't want in life. We live together and never fight. Pretty much agree on everything. I guess my question is, what is he waiting for? Just picking up on marriage vibes from him. I'm scared to be the one to ask if he is wanting to get married. Well, it could be all kinds of different things. Maybe he, you know, one thing that a guy is scared to death of, most guys are scared to death of, is moving things forward, right? So there's a lot of risk. So right now what you're feeling, right? You're like, okay, I want to ask him this, but I'm afraid of having that conversation with him. Well, he's afraid of having the conversation with you too. All right. Which is probably why he's calling you his wife without actually proposing because he wants to see how you react to it. And so, you know, he's probably just scared to take that risk and move things forward and do that. And so, I mean, there could be a lot of different things that are going on there, but that's probably one of them. Chill often says, I click the link for the program and it seems like an endless video that never ends. Well, it does end, but it's very important for you to watch that video so you know what you're getting yourself into and what the program's about so that, you know, if you want the program, then you should sign up for it. Okay, so, you know, right now we live in this time where we have this thing called the hookup culture, right? And so, lots of people are just getting into superficial relationships with each other that are kind of going nowhere. And what you should really do if you want a relationship that lasts is you have to do three things I've determined for most women. And number one is you need to believe in your value. Number two is you need to position yourself in a position of value. Number three is you need to communicate your value. And if you do those things I've found for most women, they will end up getting into a great situation with a great guy who loves them and cherishes them and wants to be with them forever, which is why I put together a program called the forever woman. And it's a program all about how to attract a great guy and get into a great relationship where you're seen and you're loved and you're cherished by a great man. If you're interested in getting that program, you can get it for free. Go to theforeverwomanformula.com. There's a link either above or below this video. Go to that page and watch the video that's there. And then you can sign up for the program for free and go through the entire program. If you decide you wanna stay a part of our community, you can do that through that as well. You will also join something that I just created called the forever woman gold club. It's something brand new that I just created about two weeks ago. And through that program, you're gonna end up getting videos, a new video every seven days about how to attract a guy into your life. All my hacks, all the things that I've learned since 2005 about how to attract and create a relationship that really serves you and is amazing and passionate and filled with love and kindness and caring. And so if you're interested in that, go check out that program. Other than that, thank you so much for being here with me today. I really appreciate you coming here and allowing me to be a part of your journey. I really feel honored to be a part of your journey and helping you attract and get into a great relationship. And so thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for trusting in me and what it is that we do. Thank you for the women who are a part of our community and who have been going through this program, the forever woman. It's helped out so many women and it's a really great program. So thank you so much for being a part of it and I will speak with you again soon. Bye-bye.