 Welcome to the art of charm. I'm Jordan Harbinger The art of charm brings together the best coaches in the industry to teach you guys how to crush it and life love and at work Imagine having a mix of experienced mentors teaching you their expertise Packing decades of research testing and tough lessons into a concise curriculum We've created one of the premier men's lifestyle programs available anywhere and it's free This is the show we wish we had a decade ago Now this show is about you and we're here to help you become the best man You can be in every area of your life Make sure to stay up to date with everything going on here and get some free ebooks and drills and exercises That'll help you become more charismatic and confident by signing up for the newsletter at the art of charm calm If you're new to the show, but you want to know more about what we teach here at the art of charm Listen to the art of charm toolbox at the art of charm podcast comm slash toolbox That's where we've got the fundamentals of dating and attraction such as body language eye contact vocal sonality Including some episodes on breakups and relationship management. That's where all the basics are so get a handle on that first We've got bootcamps running every single month here in Hollywood, California Details on those at the art of charm calm looking forward to meeting all you guys here at AOC All right today. We're on with Vanessa van Edwards lead investigator at science of people Which is essentially a human behavior research lab, which sounds awesome We're gonna talk about how reading body language is actually kind of a superpower or a secret language And this is nothing new for art of charm fans, but we're gonna dig into that a little bit more We're also gonna talk about micro expressions and having you see the matrix All about human lie detection and how to get better at seeing the truth even when people try to hide it How to spot charismatic and powerful people just by looking at their photograph and how to spot and read micro expressions Complete with a little web guide so you guys can follow along with the show as well and something called the facial feedback Hypothesis essentially the art of charm principle that the mind follows the body and the body follows the mind But we're gonna discuss it in terms of emotions causing facial expressions and how you guys can use this to your advantage Something called mirror neurons and how they work as well as Relationship management and how you can use micro expressions and body language in that so be sure to listen carefully to this one with Vanessa van Edwards All right, so you're the lead investigator at science of people which is essentially a human behavior research lab Which sounds really cool because I feel like that is a really great place to get feedback on things that I usually Do that get me in trouble when I run experiments on people, especially if they're not willing so not not not anything too invasive But I definitely spent the first several years of learning about social dynamics Doing stuff that most people would consider weird or out of the ordinary and then calibrating backwards But you get to do it in the safety of a laboratory and not carry it with you for the rest of the week Yes, and and my goal is to keep you out of trouble Jordan. That's my goal. Good. Somebody's got to do it and it is So tell me and tell us a little bit about what you do in said lab and also I mean you've been on HuffPo You've written a bunch of stuff for NPR business week USA Today CNN fast company Forbes Pretty much all the good stuff. Tell us what you do in the lab when you're not being famous so we we like to take sexy science and Combine it with self-help. That's kind of the the thing that we tried in the lab mostly It's because I was reading all these amazing studies out of you know academic institutions and research journals But no one was reading them because they were 30 pages of the most boring jargon right and so I was like how can we translate this into something that's usable and entertaining so we take you know the sexy science and then we test it in a lab to see if it works in real life because a Lot of the studies you're just like really this work, right? Showing gums in your smile degrades the impact by 14 and a half percent. It's like whatever that means nothing Exactly and and and it's fun to see what people do when they're under the microscope. So to say so I I have a Creepy interest in people. I'm a creepy people watcher. So it's an excuse for me to get people in the lab and watch them runs on the family so It's no problem and I love how I say it's no problem like don't worry about the fact that I just insulted So how did you get started in this first of all and what do you use it for now? Sure, so I've always had an interest in people. I wrote my first book when I was 16 for friends and family and ends up going viral and so that sort of thrust me into the Arena of studying people and making it applicable. I actually thought I was gonna go into Like CIA Secret Service. I speak a couple languages and when I was on that track someone told me, you know If you keep doing this, you're gonna end up interrogating terrorists for the rest of your life, right? And I was like no, thank you So I decided to take the people skills that I've been studying and apply them in the business and in personal World, which is way more fun I think so especially considering that interrogating terrorists half the time means interrogating some totally innocent person who's just really scared And wants to go home to their family Exactly. I'm I'm you know, usually I'm not a very intimidating person So I think that if I was trying to interrogate people, it just wouldn't end well for anyone Yeah, plus the places where you do interrogate terrorists are generally not that nice And you probably don't want to live there for long periods of time Cube outside, but even then you're stuck on a base somewhere and being a woman in the Middle East meh Not my first choice Not mine either definitely not so we're gonna talk about non-verbal communication as a secret weapon And this is something that guys who are into the art of charm. This is nothing new But I I always love a fresh take on it and for guys who are listening We're always looking to hone that skill set because it really is a secret weapon for most of us Especially when you put it to a conscious level and you try to get some conscious competence going with it or unconscious Competence going with it and most people have no idea how to use it how to learn it how to hone it as a skill set So being able to decode and correctly use body language to influence people or realize that you're being Influenced is kind of like speaking an invisible language that no one else can hear Yeah, and and I know that you know, I've listened to your podcast many times before this is an advanced topic What we decided to talk about today, which is the art of decoding decoding hidden emotions You know, yes, we get that power posing and eye gazing like that's important But I'm hoping that since you guys are very intermediate to advanced levels that we can sort of dig a little bit deeper into that For me it really is like having a superpower Yeah, I think so and I think anybody who is a lot of what we talk about is displaying Confident body language reading confident body language is something we really attack at boot camp as well Because it's so much easier to teach lives So here we'll give you a primer on reading some expressions as well and I think it's important to note that this is based in scientific research and That it also is something that's learnable really quickly when I was doing the micro expressions training From dr. Ekman Dr. Paul Ekman for people who know who that is that what I took the What do you call it like the initial test to the the beginner test and I did pretty crappy in the 90 minutes later I got a hundred percent and so that was In some ways because of course I've been studying the stuff for years Largely because I'm able to in anyone for that matter using these tools is able to learn it really quickly Mm-hmm. That's one of my favorite things about it is it's also very black and white You know you eat the expressions are easy to learn you memorize them and then you start seeing them everywhere I I joke with my students that it's like Seeing the world on high definition for the first time all of a sudden you really see what someone's face is saying to you And it makes you a a more empathetic person, but also it shows you how to respond In an appropriate way, whatever that is for you. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because honestly Being a recovering awkward person yourself and the same boat as me, right? We know how much these skills can change your life and so we've sort of come through the other side So people who are listening right now might be like I don't need to read micro expressions I need to learn how to dot dot dot fill in some other weird skill set like get a girlfriend or get a promotion These this is one little piece. That's really great It's it's a key part to what we call seeing the matrix where you can sort of see what people are thinking Even when they're telling you otherwise and you can work on Reading situations better than most of the other people who are even maybe in the situation based on the behavior of the people Who are involved so you're training micro expressions. Have you been using this stuff in your own life for real or just in the lab? Oh gosh, you cannot turn it off. I mean, you know, I do human lie detection So that's one of those skills. It's a blessing and a curse. It's it's impossible to turn it off Which means that I can be in the lab testing people on micro expression I have a one of our citizen science projects within the lab as I have people lie to me I play the two truths in a lie game and then I try to guess the lies and That's great in the lab. But as soon as I leave I'm out with friends You cannot turn it off and so it can be both good and bad For me, I have much higher quality relationships now because I see what's right in front of me What do you mean by that? So for example, you know One of my good friends I caught her in a lie because I was seeing that her words were not matching her facial expressions She was telling me one thing and she was showing me a lot of anger and fear And so I kept pushing her on it and it unraveled this whole she was cheating on her husband and she had this whole sort of Second life and I was happy that at least I knew the truth But it destroyed our friendship because she couldn't after that had come out She couldn't even like open up to me about it And so I lost that friendship But I feel like the friendships that I still have are much higher quality because the truth is right there Yeah, it's something that people aren't slash can't hide I think that's really important because in one hand Yeah, it kind of sucks it ruined your friendship But on the other hand how strong was the friendship if she was totally full of it Exactly. So it's always better to know. I don't think many people would argue That it's not better to know the truth, right then in any given situation for the most part I mean, yeah, maybe you don't want to know if your ass looks fat in those pants But other than that, there's most lies are bad Yeah, when I want my friends to lie to me now I will actually tell them, you know, either tell me the truth or just make me feel better about this I'll actually say that to them Right, like I need you to sell me these pants because I already bought them and I never wear them and I know They look terrible Exactly, which girls totally do totally. Yeah. Yeah, I totally believe that I it's one of those questions that guys know is just a trap no matter what so There's no way to ever tell I feel bad for guys that you must date because they are screwed So I actually survived the dating world and I married the most honest man I ever met Yeah, we're newlyweds and and he just it was all completely honest I knew exactly from his face from his words and it was just it was a really good connection Here's an example of that brutal honesty that I like that will facial expressions will help with so I got this dress and Supposedly and the men listening can tell me this is true men do not understand the baby doll dress, you know that dress That's like like short, but it's kind of like very flowy. Do you know baby doll dress? I'm gonna Google it right now because I feel like I do but I don't want to fake it Especially when it comes to fashion on my own show. It's just not a good plan. Okay, so Google Google baby doll dress and You know girls love it. Oh, yeah, I've seen these they it looks like you're not wearing pants Well, I guess you're not wearing pants, but it looks like you kind of might have pants on underneath But there's no you can't see anything and so I like girls love these dresses and boys hate them And so yeah on the dress and my husband was like in all honesty. He was like that looks like a tit curtain It is a tit curtain. That's a great name for a baby doll dress Yeah, and so like that and I was like, thank you. Thank you for telling me that and I will never wear tit curtains again ever So it sounds like him and I have a lot in common because I I don't know if I'm honest I just don't have a filter that works very well So I think that if that makes me honest then great Yeah, well that we got along very well because I knew that you're gonna tell like it is and I like that Yeah, absolutely. So where do we start with this? I mean a lot of people are like you need to look at the feet and you need to look at the hips You need to look at the arms. Where do you start with this stuff? Yes, so let's just for a second humor me with the science and if I geek out too much Jordan just call me on it The power I know so the time I'm geeky. I can't help it. So the power of the face Really when I understood this the secret weapon was I read a study It's by Nalini on body and what she wanted to know was can you tell how successful someone is or how powerful? Someone is just based on their face. So what she did was very clever study She looked at Fortune 500 CEOs and she pulled the top 25 CEOs and the bottom 25 CEOs And she made sure they were unidentifiable so not that the really famous CEOs and she showed those images to Participants and she asked them to rank them on leadership skills things like like ability charisma intelligence What was interesting is all of the participants just by looking at a headshot for five seconds We're able to correctly identify the top 25 CEOs from the group of 50 Wow, I mean How can you tell you can tell how much money someone makes how successful someone is just by looking at their face That's pretty amazing that you can look at some I mean What are people looking at when they're looking at the faces because are they just looking for the grumpiest most stressed out guy because that Probably is the most powerful guy generally So this is one of the things that we're testing in the lab because I read this study and I was like well What was it? You know, I was like what was the pattern? And so what we've been doing is we took we wanted to see if it worked with Twitter followers So we took a couple people's Twitter pictures and we asked you able to come to the lab and rank them based on Popularity to see if that matched up with their Twitter followers and there are definite patterns I won't give it away just yet a lot of it has to do with what we're gonna be talking about today I have what makes someone successful and by the way you are welcome to test yourself I put up a picture of eight of the CEOs my website It's scienceofpeople.com slash face if you want to test yourself and see if you can guess which one are the most successful Wow, that's really cool. So scienceofpeople.com slash face because I would be curious to see if I could pick that stuff out There's a lot of little videos and vignettes and stuff online Or it's like can you tell who's lying and I always crush those things Because of micro expressions and because of just years of dealing with pride people that are full of crap because I live in LA I guess but I also grew up in LA. You know, I mean, yeah, you so you're like, I guess full of crap I definitely understand that and I do get that I did not know you could correlate that with power though. That's really cool Especially just by the face usually when I'm thinking power. I'm looking at the whole body At least I feel like I am but again, it's like Malcolm Gladwell's blink, right? Like you don't quite know why but you choose something or you decide something That's exactly and I thought I hope that in this podcast We can talk about harnessing the power of blink to your advantage So looking at your online dating profile pictures looking at your Facebook pictures and making sure that your blink is the one that you want Definitely. Well, yeah, of course, that's the trick right following making sure people's gut reaction is somehow managed by What whatever you're putting out there? Yeah, exactly exactly So are you ready to learn the the micro expression? I'm ready. Yeah, I think I know that there's seven universal micro expressions Let's talk about those and I know guys can maybe have a link to the micro expressions training It on the show notes I'll have a link to the micro expressions training on the show so that guys can like really Buzzer and learn this stuff and we have one too. So you're welcome to use ours or polypins both are I mean his is great That's where I started. So yeah, and also on the science people comm slash face I have a whole bunch of the micro expressions videos so you can watch them over and over again for free to test yourself Yeah, definitely. We'll go through those. I mean that's that stuff's fun And so let's teach the guys and in an audio only format how to spot micro expressions seems totally inappropriate But we'll do our best. No, and you know what I like it is because there's something called the facial feedback hypothesis And what this says is that not only does our emotion cause our face, but our face also causes our emotion So if for example, you make a face, which I'm going to describe While you're sitting in front of a mirror just by yourself you will actually begin to feel that emotion So I actually kind of like that We're doing it just audio because it helps people tap into the feelings that we're talking about Excellent. All right. So a micro expression, which was discovered by dr. Pollackman is a very brief Involuntary facial expression that we make when we feel an intense emotion Everyone makes it across cultures sexes races and the way that he discovered it is fascinating He had this instinct that the facial expression was not something that we learned We originally thought that when babies were born they looked at their mom or dad's face and they mimicked the facial expression I saw but actually what we found is that if you look at congenally blind children So children who have been blind since birth They make the same facial expressions as seeing children even though they've never seen a face before So what this shows us is that our facial expressions are genetically coded that we all make the same facial expression Has nothing to do with cultures or what our mom does or our dad does So that's how we're able to study these micro expressions And there are seven universal ones that have been discovered and this is the sort of the the basics of the facial expression Once you learn how to spot these seven you see them over and over again because we cannot control them even the best liars And I I have interrogated some serious life dated some probably I you know what I can weed him out pretty quickly I don't know if you count, you know 15 minutes of a date an actual date But uh, yeah, or I try to get on a date as soon as possible before Before doing too much like online chatting when I was online dating I tried to have drinks right away because I could read their facial expressions better than anything in chat You're like a dude only we're not looking for facial expressions Exactly I never thought about it that way, but I like it So the first micro expression is anger So what I want you to do is I want you to think of someone or something that drives you absolutely crazy Okay, I want you to tap into that anger because it will help you make that facial expression So someone that makes you angry or irritable that I want you to press your lips into a hard line So mash your lips together Flare your nostrils if you can and pull your eyebrows down and together If you can look in the mirror you can take this into the into the bathroom Or if you want to pull up your webcam You'll see that two vertical lines appear between your eyebrows This is the anger micro expression If you hold that with your eyebrows down your mouth pressed together You will start to feel angry and irritable Do you feel it Jordan? Yeah, it's the it's the principle at the art of charm guys have heard on the show before the mind follows the body And the body follows the mind, right? So you can change your physiology even if it's just your face and your emotions will start to follow suit Exactly and so one of the things I'm going to recommend is with this angry micro expression Sometimes people use this micro expression when they're listening intently They don't even realize that they're doing it and that makes them begin to feel angry and irritable It also makes them look extremely negative if they're on a date So I recommend people film themselves while they're on calls to see what resting micro expression that they use So this anger one is incredibly powerful because So you have to forgive me one of my citizen science projects is that Trying to find anger in interesting places and what we noticed was that anger comes up a lot In fact, we were coding Orgasm faces where we look at people's faces while they're in orgasm and most men and women Show the anger micro expression right as they're orgasming as like a final release. So interesting You end up seeing it quite a lot. I know this isn't an orgasm based show, but I it's all good I mean for my question is just how do you get orgasm face pictures? So we partnered with a website and this is I bet you did Yeah, yeah, this is my research interns. We have a whole bunch of research interns and I told them about this project I saw fear micro expressions all over their faces. Um, they're worried that they would have to have to film themselves So this website, um, it's called the agony in the ecstasy and what they do is it's just People's o faces There's no nudity. There's no talking. It's people who have filmed either during sex or masturbation just their orgasm faces It's the dirtiest website, but there's no nudity. It's such a weird thing Anyway, so that's how we get those videos Wow, that is so I well, whatever. It's it's the internet. It's the internet. Why am I surprised? Yeah, okay So then then what did we find out? Okay, so they make the anger face right before they release What's the micro expression after that? Hopefully hopefully deep pleasure and relief But um, I'm what I want you to think about for anger is that um, if you see those vertical lines appear between your date's Forehead you've stumbled into territory where you need to go back into rapport building behavior So that's the most important thing I want you to look for those two vertical lines Or when a woman mashes her lips together into that anger expression That's also called lip piercing which which women do in there withholding men and women do in there with holding information So you want to be super attuned to anger to make sure that you take a minute clarify You know apologize for whatever you said or go back into rapport building So you can get her back into that positive open frame of mind Hey guys, I want to take a quick break for a second here You've heard me talk a lot about taking you to the next level in life at work and in your relationships And you've probably also thought to yourself. Yeah, I want to my game I want to become a better man a better boyfriend or husband and a better person And my guess is that you've been thinking about this for a long time. Am I right? Well, I'm here to tell you this stop thinking Your chance is now. Do you really need more time more information and more plans for the future? Or do you want to become that guy today? Because the truth is this You can be the guy who sits around and thinks about becoming better and there's plenty of those guys out there Or you can be the guy who decides that today is the day you're going to do something amazing And I want that for you. Why because you've already got what it takes The potential is there even if you don't know it yet Join me and thousands of other guys who've taken action in their lives at the art of charm Call or email us and we'll see if the art of charm can help you with your personal relationship and business challenges All right back to the show But isn't rapport mostly logical topics and discussion Wouldn't we want to go back into sort of an attraction mindset where we're changing her emotional state? Why do we want to jump back into rapport? I don't think so because if you have someone who's it who's getting angry, right? So they they're feeling like they're closed-minded going into an attraction phase. It's too much of a jump That makes sense that definitely makes sense hit some safe topics to get her into neutral And then you can go back into a trap. You see what I'm saying. It's yeah. Yeah, I see that definitely makes sense You in theory you could do it, but you'd have to be damn good at Creating an emotional state. That's positive real fast and most people aren't going to be able to do that reliably I mean even even looking at that problem-solving strategy now Just sort of putting myself in a position where i'm thinking of when that's happened in the past and how I've handled that in the past It definitely makes sense to Get them comfortable so they're sort of reset and then jump back into The banter and the flirting and the attraction and then it's kind of like oh that was a mistake and you can set it aside Rather than trying to yeah wrench them out of that negative state into a positive one Yeah, because it's not a mexican soap opera. You can't really jump from tears to to laughing and crying right away Yes, and what you want to think of and whatever I teach my students is that it's If you think of it like a roller coaster You actually don't want those big dips and loops. You want to keep it as smooth as possible Especially for women when they hit those peaks and highs It's very confusing for them and they typically have Worst memories of the experience. I mean mit media lab They did research on what people remember most about experiences And they found that they don't really remember what you look like people both sexes don't really remember what you look like They don't really remember what was being said. They remember what it felt like to be with you It's like that Maya Angelou quote, right? Is that oh, yes. Yes. Is that just a misattribution? Somebody said people will never forget how you make them feel right that is Maya Angelou. Absolutely I actually think that that quote is what inspired their study Um, they did this thing with sensors, which like they're like these machines that measure what you do and what's why that's important is because if you're on a day and you're You only want to hit the highs. You don't want to hit the lows, right? You want to make sure that the feelings are neutral and above So anger is the quickest and easiest way because it happens in 1 15th to 1 25th of a second That's how fast these macro expressions are and you can see it Once you see that it's an instant indicator that okay, we're hitting a low. Let's bring it back up again Let's bring about to neutral and let's try to get it high You know what this makes sense We're talking about first date behavior because I'm thinking more along the lines of relationship management stuff Totally different story Because you can always wrench apart. Well theoretically if you're decent at managing a relationship and you know the person really well You can change their emotional state much more quickly than you can with a stranger theoretically Yes, and that's that's actually a very good point. So anger. You're right is absolutely courtship flirting first date behavior The next micro expression, which is contempt is much more important for connection building and relationships relationship management. So Um contempt is the micro expression for hatred or disdain The funny thing about contempt is it's the easy expression to do But it's one of the hardest micro expressions to recover from once you see it. So really interesting All right. So contempt or hatred is very simply a one-sided mouth raise So lift one side of your mouth up either side. It looks like a smirk That is contempt. That is all it is. It's the simplest of the micro expressions Now, it's funny. You should say it's the simplest of the micro expressions because and I guess you mean just in terms of the muscle movements Because it's definitely one of the more confusing ones for most people Oh, that's because it looks like a little smile and you think oh, I kind of got a little smile out of you Meanwhile, she's like no, I kind of just want to chop into little pieces and leave you on the side of the road You are right. That that's a good correction So it is the easiest in terms of muscle movement But it is the hardest because it is confused the most for happiness. Yeah, which is it's the exact opposite Right, it's the opposite. It's it's it's it's a less of an I like you and more of an I hate you kind of micro expression Or I'm humoring you that's typically when a woman not a man man show contempt for different reasons When women show contempt in romantic situation, it's because they're humoring their date That's usually when it comes up and I see contempt all over the internet So many online dating profile pictures so many basic pictures I see that one-sided smirk and I think that they're showing the world. I'm cool. I'm laid back But actually you're showing the world. I'm negative. I'm hateful. I'm full of disdain and contempt Right. I resent the fact that I feel like I have to do this in order to Exactly now. Let me just when I was talking about connection So dr. John Gottman is a marriage and family researcher up in um, Seattle And he did the most amazing experiment where he wanted to see What was the biggest predictor of divorce? So he took couples into his lab and he tested them on everything you could think of saliva urine hair blood samples He interviewed their family their friends their kids their parents their siblings He then made them go into a bed and breakfast Which was built in their lab and filmed them for an entire weekend observing behaviors And he followed them for 30 years. Okay, he started this patient man Yeah, very I mean if you're gonna figure out what divorce is you have to be really patient So he followed them for 30 years kept interviewing them and doing tests on them at the end of the 30 years They found one one predictor of divorce And that was that in the initial intake interview One of the members of the couple showed contempt towards the other That was the only indicator and he can watch a silent video of a couple And tell you with 93.6 accuracy if they're going to get divorced You do know that now everybody who's Like has a beating heart wants to go talk to that guy with their significant other and see what's going on I mean, yeah, he's he has people beating down his door to have them have him watch videos of them But the good thing is is I just gave you the tool that he looks for So that is exactly what is most powerful when you're trying to build a connection when you're trying to build a relationship To watch for that contempt as an indicator of disrespect once we feel contempt for someone It's extremely hard to have respect and love for them. So that's my red flag for everyone Was the contempt usually spotted in the female or the male or does it not matter? I I don't think it I think it was either or or both It actually there was sometimes we're gonna call both of members of the couple did it which is crazy Yeah, that's for sure That's a recipe for disaster Because you mentioned that men show contempt for totally different reasons. Yeah, so on dates on dates So this is what we learned in the lab. So we read that study and we said what this is crazy This is mind-blowing. Let's look at it in the lab And so what we found is that women typically show that contempt and by the way I I joke that I watch the bachelor and bachelorette for work research And that's a great way to test your skills to see who's gonna make it and who's not So on the bachelor where you have mostly women they will show Contempt when they're like humoring the guy on the date when you are watching the men They will show contempt when a topic is brought up that they do not like So past relationships, right? I'm having kids really soon That's when they'll show contempt women can show contempt then as well, but just a little bit More in either area. Yeah, that makes sense the problem with doing this with television And then trying to predict the results is one tv even reality tv is largely fake and two they edit this like crazy So you miss you miss most of the important stuff because it's not entertaining enough to make camera Yeah, it's it's really hard to because you don't know if it's scripted or partially scripted one of the things that I have a body language for dating course and I use a lot of clips from the dating in the dark show australia Because that's a show where three single men and three single women have to date in the dark in a dark room And they go on dates and completely the dark so the whole point is I know right So it's it's fascinating for human behavior And a lot of those clips are great because they don't even realize they're being watched So the body language that you see is very genuine because they don't realize They don't know what the other person is doing. They're just doing what they naturally feel So you'll see contempt on their face Discuss what we're going to learn and it's a and you know who's going to make it or not Which is which is fascinating So they're sitting there talking to each other in the dark and so you can be like, oh this sucks And do that totally exaggerated or even just normal body language and the other person in the room has no clue Exactly. It's like it's for me. It's like a raw version of watching the body language Which is extremely helpful for our students because if I teach them Okay, you know here's here's how you engage the woman when you're feeling attracted to her And then I show the example of how it works in real life. It's it's a very raw way of testing it immediately Yeah, we do something very similar. I mean, we don't do it in the dark But we do a lot of video work at the art of charm on boot camps where we videotape the interactions between our clients and females and you can Literally, we'll point out like look at her reaction here. Look at your reaction here And it's tough because you can't say oh, I did that on purpose, especially if it's like a micro expression You can't you can't sit because they're involuntary Right, exactly. That's one of the reasons why I wanted to talk about that on this show is that You know anyone can puff up their chest or say an expansive body language, but micro expressions you cannot control it So when you see it you almost know that okay, this is something I actually should pay attention to or you can choose to ignore it Whatever you want So what about this facial feedback hypothesis in other words? We know that the mind follows the body and the body follows the mind So if our emotions cause our facial expressions and our facial expressions change our emotions or influence our emotions What does that get where does that get us other than a cool dinner party conversational piece? Ah, so here is the trick and this is the the best way to use the facial feedback hypothesis in action If you do not recognize the face that your date is making you can make it and tap into the emotion that they are feeling Yes, and that's one of the it's sort of like advance. We teach this at our report program It's a it's almost like mind reading because you go, huh? What's this person doing you mirror their body language as much as possible? Especially the stuff that matters not like the she crossed her arms So I'm crossing my arms not that stuff But like the facial expressions if you become really adept at seeing it you can mirror it and go This is possibly what's happening here And if you can get really good at it you can start to put yourself almost into other people's brains And it's really creepy and amazing Yes, it is creepy and amazing absolutely and and when I talk about mirroring as well And I think that you guys do um also is that mirroring happens on three different levels. It happens on um Vo voice and word usage so using the kind of words that your date is using so you're speaking on the same page Body so body posture the way you hold yourself and then face we often forget face Because we don't know exactly how to use it So I'm hoping that learning these micro expressions will help you tap into the power of that because it is amazing creepy Yeah, it is amazing creepy when you now when we talk voice Are you talking about word selection or is it like those nlp modalities like I hear you versus I feel you I mean, what sort of level are we talking about with the voice? So yeah, the nlp stuff it works that that wasn't what I was referring to although you can use that what I like to do is um I feel that it's a nonverbal form of respect to use the kind of words they use and I'll give an example of that in a second And the the cadence and the pacing that your date is using so for example, this is actually more important for women than men Um when I advise women I tell them, you know, if you're a fast talker like I am if you speak very fast But your date is speaking on more of a slow pace. It is respectful It is showing that you are engaged and that makes you more attractive to slow down your pace to match theirs So it's the it's the pacing as well as using the kind of words they use to show them empathy verbally So for example, if someone if your date is explaining something that makes them really excited and happy One way that you can show camaraderie and build connection Is to use the same kind of words that they are using to describe their experience So this is a fairly obvious example, but um, they're saying, oh my gosh, I'm so excited You know, I'm going to South Africa and it's just going to be such a great trip And I can't wait to see all the cool things. Okay a way to to mirror their words is to say Wow, what kind of cool things are you going to see? Um, it sounds like such an amazing trip I can't wait to see all the cool pictures. Right. Yeah, that that makes sense How do we do that without seeming ridiculously inauthentic? Um, I think that I I never like to use them in where you're like matching word for word What I try to do is just get into the same spirit as them and this is the biggest I think that's wise. Yeah. Yeah that way you're not mimicking the words But what I see happen a lot on dates is the woman We talking on this very excited level and the man internally. He's going really cool excited But it comes out like oh, yeah, great Right because you don't want don't let her think you like her because then she might know that you like her and then Something something rejection Exactly. Exactly. So it helps you tap into that. But yeah, interesting. Yeah, I totally agree with that It's actually the speech and cadence thing is something that I started doing naturally in college and people Who I knew really well Actually, I thought I was making fun of other people sometimes when I talked with foreign people because I would start to pick up their cadence and even Using the same words that are a little bit unnatural in English We're talking with say a Polish person And uh, my girlfriend at the time used to be like I I can't really figure out Were you making fun of him or or what like what was that all about? You just started immediately talking like Mariusz and then another time we had a cab driver from Samoa And apparently and I don't even notice this. I was a little bit drunk by the time we left the cab Uh, one of my friends goes, dude, I thought the driver was going to kick your ass and I said Why he just gave me his phone number and he wants to hang out He's really cool and they're like because you imitated his accent for the whole second half of the ride and I didn't even notice Oh, wow. So that and that happens when you are so in tune to someone We have mirror neurons and you probably have more mirror neurons You don't even realize that you're mirroring them in vocal and body You know, like are those like brain taste buds? Is that what those are? They're like, oh gosh, what would be the example? They're like brain Copy cats basically so people who have higher levels of mirror neurons have also higher levels of empathy It's easier for them to copy without even realizing it people they feel connected to or to build a connection Like there's one mirroring study that we looked at which was best friends in the lab Where they had best friends come in and people who had been friends for longer and were closer best friends Mirrored each other more down to their sweat levels down to their breathing rate down to their heartbeat So we do this without even realizing it right stuff that you literally couldn't change if you wanted to most of the time Especially heart rate breathing. Yeah, you could if you were really observing you could see how But it would be oh, yeah, it'd be a disaster. I'd be like trying to repaint a Picasso Just a given one shot in a paintbrush. You wouldn't be able to do it very well Exactly. Yeah, exactly interesting. I did not realize that and never heard that before So wow, okay, that's okay. So I know we got we got On the mirror tangent, which is very helpful because it helps you utilize these micro expressions a little better So talked about anger talked about Contempt the next one is disgust So think of something right now that repulses you Food works really well. Think of a dish or food that kind of grosses you out Now pull up your upper lip so your upper row of teeth are showing and crinkle your nose as if you're smelling something bad That is the expression of disgust So what's interesting about disgust is that most people are like who cares, you know, like most people are like Vanessa, like I don't care if my date doesn't like the food Yeah, it's not the food, buddy. Yeah, it's not the food What's really important about disgust is that it comes up when you ask people Preference-based questions and they're trying to think of a polite way to tell you that they don't like it Interesting Such as what? Oh, oh gosh, gosh, it comes up all the time Especially on women because women are taught appeasement. So they're taught to always say, you know Oh, sure. And when they actually mean hell, no, I don't want to do that. So for example, you can ask a woman So, you know, uh, I love extreme sports. Have you ever done extreme extreme sports? And while she's thinking she'll go, uh And she'll crinkle her nose up and show her upper teeth So what she's thinking in her head is hell. No, I don't like extreme sports. But yeah, um, sometimes And that's what she'll answer So disgust is the basis of lie detection now We're not going to get into lie detection today and you have to be really careful to use it properly But this is one of the biggest ones that you see when people are about to lie to you Disgust can be a precursor for Whatever they're going to say better match the negative facial expression Wait, can you repeat that last part? I'm not sure I understood that completely So yeah, so it's a it's a precursor to someone about to possibly a lie So if they show a disgust my expression Whatever comes out of their mouth if it's going to be true It better be something negative, right? So if they say, you know, uh, I don't really like extreme sports Correct congruent. I always say that ding and ding they match. Okay, but if they say, uh, and they wrinkle their nose up and they're like Yeah, you know, I I've always loved river rafting That means you need to circle back circle the circle the cards around and ask a few more questions about that Because you've tapped into something that is incongruent like it is not matching their words and their face Right. And as we know a lot of times women are generally looking to build consensus for the sake of consensus So they'll go, well, yeah, I always like river rafting and guys are going Why don't you just say you don't like it? It doesn't mean I don't like you Exactly the problem is the more consensus building that needs to get done on For example, a first date the worst the experience goes even when on its surface It's like, oh my god, she likes all the same things as me kind of sometimes Exactly and that happens and I you know, both met a woman I encourage you to be honest But women especially have this problem where they feel like if they don't agree and if they don't agree blindly They're going to be written off and that is actually not the case So the best thing to do is ask more questions and to assure them You know, that doesn't you don't they don't have you don't have to have exactly the same likes and dislikes and music or whatever That can help them relax to be able to the truth now Beyond first dates discuss is also a really important one for relationship maintenance. So a woman I and I I'm sorry about this fellows I I know this is terrible. We tend to say I'm fine or it's okay when we actually don't mean it's fine And it's not okay And I I I feel bad about that so that the way that I teach men you're responsible for every woman doing that I know The way that I teach men to make sure that they're getting the truth there because all Men want to do is make sure that they're getting the right answer that so they can act In whatever actions are appropriate is when a woman says it's fine or it's okay Watch for this discuss micro micro expressions. See if you show if she pulls up her upper lip crinkles her nose and shows her upper teeth That means it's not really that okay. It's not like it's fine snarl exactly Exactly and again, I have videos of this so you can see it in action if you want Um so you can see how that looks because it it sounds like you would never see it But actually you see it all the time when you're when people are trying to be polite Wow, okay, that's interesting because that's something that you know as guys we kind of look at the verbal communication only Especially and as people I think we look at whatever form of communication we want to agree with as well Yeah, and I call that lensing So there's a lot of research about how our brain sees what we want it to see with women I call it wishful hearing Where they have this checklist they date with and I tell them burn that checklist like throw it away You know ship it off somewhere else because if you do that you end up doing what I call wishful hearing Where you only hear and see what you want and the things that you hear and see you choose them to just validate what you were already Wanting to have and so getting my having micro expression is a great way to put that in check So you are seeing and hearing exactly what is in front of you. Wow. Yeah, because otherwise you're looking at a potentially huge issue With just agreeing with something because you want it to happen And then of course that stuff creeps out later a la giant divorce rate micro expressions could have saved you in the first place Amen, right. Okay. Amen Let's take a quick time out for a sec Some people think the art of charm live training programs are just about picking up girls And honestly, there's some of that one week with us and you'll be rocking out in that department. I promise But as a guy, I know how important it is to be awesome and well-rounded and not just awesome with girls You got to be awesome at work awesome at home and awesome with your friends and family Guys, we need to step it up everywhere And that's why we call our company the art of charm that special something that gets you results wherever you go And trust me the results are real Every day I get new emails and calls from the guys who've decided to take our live training programs And what I hear is simply amazing just weeks after graduating they land a promotion They form a new wolf pack and they start a new business or find a partner They have a new life and it's not an accident Call or email us and we'll see what the art of charm live training programs can do for you now back to the good stuff All right. Are you ready for number four? I I am look at you motoring right along. Let's go Well, I I just get excited about this is like one of my favorite topics to teach so Happiness, this is a much more positive micro expression Most people think that the only true indicator of happiness is a smile That's actually not the case at all. The only true indicator of happiness Is when our upper cheeks also the crow's feet those wrinkles along the outside of your eyes are engaged Now only one in 10 people can consciously activate those muscles So what I want you to do is think about something that makes you really happy And then I want you to take a pen or a pencil and I want you to put it in between your teeth and pull your lips back So it isn't touching the pen or pencil. Ah, yes, we have given this drill on the show before but it is important Yeah, so that is the only true indicator of happiness when those upward cheeks are engaged And if you forget what this looks like just put that pen or pencil back in your mouth and make sure that it reaches your eyes So what I think is important is not when you see happiness, but when you don't see happiness the absence of it So first checking your own profile pictures and making sure that you actually are showing genuine happiness in them That makes you come across as more charismatic and more authentic So making sure you're tapping into genuine happiness in your pictures With the woman that you're with it's also important to make sure that she's not giving you that appeasement smile And you know, you've seen a woman who will be like, oh, yeah I'm really happy to do that and the smile is just on the bottom half of her face It doesn't reach the top half of her face That fake smile can mean she's humoring humoring you and or mean that she's not telling the truth What is that smile called again? There's names for the two smiles, right? There's smizing or whatever smiling with your eyes But there's two there's two different smile names. You know this, right? You know where I'm going with this There there are actually 16 different types of smiles. So I I call that one the appeasement smile but I think there's another slang term for it smizing and uh Maybe I don't remember it, but there's actually 16 different types of smiles that they found So there's a lot. Yeah, they break up though into the two divisions ones that use the eyes and ones that don't Right. I don't I don't know the the term for that or at least I don't know if there's a scientific term for that But maybe I'll I'll try to google it and I'll get back to you. Yeah, no worries So that that's really important to look at when you when you're missing it When you're not seeing it and the easiest way to tell is again those those upper cheeks those crow's feet now I do have to say here Botox is making our life Incredibly difficult. Sure, especially like people with just flawless skin like me. How are you going to tell I'm really smiling I actually have a really hard time giving this presentation in Los Angeles because yeah I'll give it to an audience and the women are like, oh, I'm smiling and I'm like, but your face isn't moving Yeah, exactly. It's it's pretty horrible. Um, another thing about Botox is that you know that facial feedback hypothesis It has been found that women who numb their happiness wrinkles actually begin to feel less happy So when we aren't able to fully make the facial expression, we feel that emotion less intensely, which is absolutely crazy Yeah, just when you thought people in LA couldn't get any more miserable, right? Right, it will be really good for antidepressants. Let me tell you that. Oh my goodness. Yeah, that's that's that's very depressing to hear Like you numb those muscles so you look better and consequently you can never be happy again Exactly exactly. So it does that that makes it a little bit harder And that's something to just watch out for that if you are you're maybe suspecting it You're not you're not seeing a lot of facial movement and your date. That's probably why it's not that they're not feeling anything It's just that they're not it's Botox and so you have to rely on the body. Sorry that makes it harder Yeah, excellent. So what about eye patterns, you know, there's a lot of Bologna going around that's like, oh, you looked up into the right. You're lying and it's just like this oversimplification garbage because On tv when they explain this stuff, they don't want to tell you how it really works because it's way too complicated And context based so they go oh up into the right. They're making everything up and downward They're actually sad about it or whatever. Yeah, can we bust that myth? Yeah, let's let's destroy that right now Let's like bust it that there is no basis. They have not been able to replicate that study They've tried it over and over again. We've tried to replicate it. It is total BS. It just doesn't it just doesn't hold water Um, the interesting thing about eye behavior very briefly is so when you meet someone The first area of the body that you notice is actually the hands Most people think it's the eyes or the mouth and the eyes of the mouth are very important But the hands are actually first and then we do that because we're trying to keep ourselves safe It's a behavior that we developed that when we were being approached by someone we didn't know We looked at their hands to see if they were carrying a rock or a spear or a weapon To know if we had to protect ourselves. So the second place we look at the face and Usually in business situations the patterns that people make on the face are very high They stay on the eyes and the forehead. So in business situations, I always recommend that if you want to keep a professional Especially for women. They should keep their eye gaze in high. So eye eye forehead If you're why is that keeping a perfect like don't look at his junk Then don't look at his junk. No mouth looking. Um, it's it sends off the wrong signals We subconsciously pick up on where someone is eye gazing us if they're keeping their their um Their gaze high and the reason why intimate gazing Is lower is because when we look at someone's mouth Neck and upper chest. We're trying to gauge their hormone levels We can tell as we talked about from someone's face Their levels of testosterone their levels of estrogen So when you drop your gaze like that, it means you're assessing someone as a potential mate So in business situations, I tell people to keep it if you want to really show, you know, this is all professionally You can keep your gaze high But if you're trying to make a romantic connection, you can drop your gaze down reading micro expressions Is the perfect way to do this drop your gaze down to the mouth and the neck and see if that's reciprocated Yeah, here's the problem. I'm a guy and I do that to every female No matter what pretty much. I don't even know if I can turn that off And that that's a problem. I bet you you get women who always think that you're hitting on them I'm I think that women. Yeah, of course. I mean probably but I feel like I'm not the only guy who doesn't know how to turn that off In fact, I know guys with a much Healthier appetite for those things than than I and they I don't think they can turn it off Well, if you it the thing is is It's one of those things that if you're aware of it If you know that you do that and you can't help it You just have to make sure that if you don't want a romantic relationship with that woman You verbally assure her that you are just professional or just friends because I may be looking at your ass, but I trust me I have no designs Exactly that should be a disclaimer. You should wear that t-shirt. Yeah, that's professional I'll make you a t-shirt and I'll send it to you. Oh, perfect. Thanks. Yeah, let's uh make sure it's on the front and the back Okay, I don't think you have eyes in the back of your head. That would be really talented. Um, all right, you ready for surprise Yes, what is the surprise? Well, maybe I don't know So I'm going to combine five and six. So surprise and fear These are two of the most important facial expressions for the courtship phase updating So surprise is when you can't really think of something that surprises you because obviously if you're thinking of it Doesn't surprise you anymore So, uh, what I want you to do is just drop open your mouth. So your jaw is nice and loose Pull your eyebrows up your forehead so that they make those upside down use And widen your eyelids so the whites of your eyes are showing that with the expression that we make when we gasp is a surprise micro expression, so I just yawn big time. Does everybody yawn when they try to do that? Yeah, because you're taking in oxygen So the brain goes, oh, yeah, let's have more oxygen That's actually a very good way to get into the surprise micro expression. That's interesting Um, so yeah, so that's surprise now The difference between surprise and fear the mouth drops open in both But the biggest and easiest difference is that for surprise the eyebrows are upside down you use But for fear the eyebrows go straight across the forehead So again, I have a picture of this on my website if you want to see it But try and this is a little bit hard to control if you haven't practiced it But if you're in the mirror, pull your eyebrows up your forehead as high as they'll go in those upside down use And then for fear thinking about something that terrifies you snakes heights commitment, whatever it might be And uh, pull your eyebrows into a flat line across your forehead What will happen is you'll see vertical wrinkles come across your forehead. Yeah. Yeah, definitely You can feel the difference really clearly when you do these correctly Yeah, one is negative one is positive surprise feels like quite a pleasant emotion and then as soon as you go into fear You can feel the anxiety and the nerves start to pump. So exactly that's how you know that you hit it so For courtship, this is incredibly important because after the first day Maybe the first two or three dates you start to get into deeper topics the deal breaker topics I like to call them Where the answers really matter. It's not just, you know, do you like extreme sports or what your pair kind of music It's do you want to have kids? Do you want to get married those kinds of questions? And the difference between surprise and fear tells you everything you just know before before they even open their mouth and say anything So if you were to say to someone, you know, um, I really want to have a big family Surprise is quite a positive expression Fear is a totally different line of questioning Wow. Yeah, hence the again why micro expressions are a good predictor of The divorce right like I would imagine when they're talking about whatever they're talking about in those videos He's asking serious question. They're asking each other serious questions Exactly, they're talking about very deep issues And so I want you to keep this surprise fear in mind again Just look at those eyebrows look for the round or the flat and the wrinkles across the forehead That's the easiest way to tell and that makes sure that ensures That you're getting the right answer and if she answers in a way that is uh Contradictory to her facial expression. You want to keep digging a little bit deeper Keep asking more questions bring it up again to make sure That you are not getting misled in some other way Wow, okay, that makes a lot of sense and that's that's a good one. That's that's definitely a good one. It's it's powerful Yeah, yeah, it's really really powerful So um and again the easiest way is the eyebrows and practice that you'll know when you hit it when you feel that negative The negativity that comes along with fear Perfect. What else you got? All right. Last one is sadness So sadness is the hardest micro expression to fake So I want you to think of something that makes you sad that depresses you a little bit And what you're going to try to do and again, this is very hard to engage But if you think about something that makes you really sad pull the corners of your mouth down into a frown And then I want you to pinch the inner corners of your eyebrows down and together And droop your eyelids if you can you can pout out your lower lip a little bit That is the sadness micro expression that frowny face is exactly what this is Now people most often confuse sadness with anger So you'll see and this is a big one for relationship maintenance Your woman comes home from work or out with friends or out on the town And she's showing the micro expression typically men think it's irritation irritability or anger when actually what she's showing you is sadness So sadness is actually the perfect opportunity to build connection When men can correctly identify and spot sadness and respond to it You build such a deep bond with that woman because you're saying I hear you I see you And I want to engage with you on these emotions no matter how bad or good they are So it's an incredible opportunity for men if they see it to not mistake it for anger and talk about it In the way that the woman wants to talk about it Wow, okay. Can you repeat that a little bit? I'm not sure I picked that up actually. Sure. So um When women come home and they show in a micro facial expression and the man's like, uh, oh, I don't know what she's telling me They will often confuse her face with anger And so when you see the sadness it gives you an opportunity to connect with her on whatever that is most women Most people but women especially Just want to feel validated. They want to be heard. They want to be seen. They want to be felt and so When you see sadness, it is the perfect way to show that you were empathetic Okay, right, right Yeah, that actually makes sense because a lot of times as guys, especially then we try to solve the problem But really they want empathy Right and and you can ask so that that is the biggest problem is that men men are solvers and women are ventures Um, you can say and women love this So, um, right. Do you want help with this or do you just want me to do you just want a fan or do you just want sympathy? Yes, and I wouldn't say I wouldn't say don't say just want sympathy I usually don't say do you just want sympathy? I usually try to be a little bit more diplomatic just for the record Yeah, I was like I wouldn't say that to them and there's two things you want to say I have spoken to one or two before. Yeah And you never ever ever ever want to tell a woman to just calm down. Oh, yeah So what would we what would you oh, yeah, well pretty much with anybody but especially in that scenario So how would you give us a script for empathy? Just lay it on us like you would want to hear it Sure. So, um, I come home. I had a really difficult day And for so my husband notices it and he says wow, um, tell me about your day So letting me open up. Let's say that I don't let's say that I'm like it was fine And I show and I show sadness or disgust He can say great. What's for dinner? Right, exactly. And that would be the worst missed opportunity. So he could say, um, tell me what happened What's going on for you? You look a little sad. You can actually say that. Um, that's okay Not not you look bad, but you look a little sad You can say that you can say or you can just say tell me what what happened to tell me what's going on so I'd begin to talk about it and When you're in that moment where you're like, does she want me to give her advice or does she just Want to vent what you can say is Um, you know, I'm happy to happy to just listen. Do you want to talk through some things that you can do? That way you're saying and she'll say to you, uh, I'm not ready to try to fix it yet I just want to talk about it. So do you just want to talk through these things together? That's a very Non-confrontational easy way. That's my favorite question that one. And how can I help? Those two questions are the best things any man, whether it's a business partner A friend or my husband can say to me, right? How can I help versus what do you want me to do about it? Exactly or or do you want do you want me to talk through this with you? Oh my god? It's like it's like, you know foreplay. It's ear chocolate, right? It's exactly. It's amazing Excellent So, you know these seven micro expressions This was sort of the basics If you want to practice because the good thing is the brain is like a muscle, you know The more you the more you do it the easier it'll get The easiest ways to apply them is first of all now that you know what they look like you're going to start seeing them already I mean, you don't even need to practice or start seeing them But um reality shows that are less scripted So survivor is a great one where you see a lot of genuine emotions because people are going through the hard stuff You can also practice on low pressure situations. So practicing with friends Bringing up some of the hot topic questions that you know kind of get them going But it's still a safe area and watch their emotions change That can be a very easy way to spot emotions And then we post a ton of practice videos on our website. So you're welcome to watch my critiques I I bash people all the time on twitter as well So you can use any of those practice methods to build up that that muscle in your brain Great and we'll be linking to that at the show notes Scienceofpeople.com and where's your micro expressions training? Is it pretty easy to find from the website? Yeah, it's just under courses. Great. Excellent. Thanks so much, Vanessa What else would you like to tell us before we let you go? Um, you know, I love hearing from you guys So I'm on twitter all the time if you I always offer red flag challenges And if you see something that kind of is bizarre or you're on a date and someone does some that's weird Send it over to me. I love talking to people. So um always reach out. I'm happy to happy to be there. Great. Thank you very much Thanks so much for having me I hope you guys enjoyed that one. I thought that one was really solid We talked about how reading body language is a superpower slash secret language Micro expressions and how you can use it to see the matrix human lie detection How to spot powerful people and charismatic people just by looking at their photographs How to spot and read micro expressions the facial feedback hypothesis in other words how your facial expressions influence your emotions and vice versa Mirroring mirror neurons and how they work relationship management and how you can use micro expressions They're in as well as eye patterns and what they mean and more importantly what they don't mean And last but not least empathy and how to show it in your relationship as well as when to show it in your relationship Hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did and we'll see you next time at the art of charm Solid show as usual. I do say so myself show feedback and guest suggestions We rely on you guys to help keep our finger on the pulse So if you know someone who's a good fit for the show, let us know at jordan h at the art of charm dot com boot camp details That's our live training at the art of charm dot com And that's also where you can find links to us on twitter facebook and other social media If you're listening to this but you're not subscribed in itunes or stitcher then that needs to change Getting our shows delivered free to your phone or computer is the best way to make sure you don't miss anything You can do that by going to itunes and searching for the art of charm podcast Or by going to the art of charm dot com slash itunes and clicking subscribe That's it You guys can also help us if you subscribe in itunes or stitcher give us a five star rating and write something nice We'll love you forever Just go to itunes dot com slash the art of charm and it'll take you right there When you write us a review it not only makes us feel proud But it helps keep us in the ranks so that other people who can use this information Can find the show more easily and get the credible advice that they need It's also the best way to support the show other than purchasing training from us So tell your friends because the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to someone else either in person Or shared on the web to have a great week go out there and get social and leave everything better than you found it