 Hello hello hello my name is Matthew Coast and today we're going to talk about why valuable women don't get chased by the right men and so I get we have a lot of really awesome high value cool amazing just super powerful just awesome women in our community and there's kind of this big thing going on out there where a lot of women especially in our community get they feel like they're intimidating to guys right they're like yeah I've got this awesome job I've got a car I've got a house I've got all these things and guys are so intimidated by me and they you know like they even tell they even get told that they're intimidating from guys right um and what one of the things that they'll find is that they don't seem to have the right guys that are pursuing them they don't seem to have the right guys that are approaching them and they're just trying to figure out like what is going on here and you know it can be very very frustrating I get it um you know a lot of women feel like they even want to kind of give up because uh sometimes it's just not working it doesn't feel like it's working for them and so today we're going to talk a little bit about uh you know why these awesome amazing valuable women don't get chased by the right men and so there's there's one big thing that I want to talk to you about that could completely change everything for you uh you know a lot of the programs a lot of the things that we talk about sometimes are this thing about getting about about how to be a valuable woman or how to make a guy see you as a valuable woman but there there's another side to that right because if you do all these amazing things to become this valuable woman and guys see you as this valuable woman a lot of those women still have problems because there's kind of this new range of problems that come up once you start getting you know starting to set boundaries starting to show your value starting to believe in your own value a lot of times you end up getting a new set uh yeah hello everybody that's in here so if you're if you're watching right now say hi I really appreciate it when people say hi um and so yeah so so it so it's this one concept that I want to talk about today and it's this concept called attainability right so attainability is a man feeling like he can get somewhere with you so there's kind of this scale right there's like this scale of how much men feel like they can win and with with a woman and what one of the things that I hear a lot is sometimes women tell me they're like oh yeah it's like when I just go out in my uh you know my my pajamas or my workout clothes or something I'll get hit on more than like if I dull myself all up and go out and the reason for that is attainability right so if a guy sees a woman um he has in his mind even if it's totally and it's almost always totally made up whether he can be successful when he goes and approaches that woman whether he can be successful and trying to um get into a romantic relationship with that woman and so uh based on how he feels and what he thinks in his mind determines whether he even tries or not right there's there's the scale of men that are kind of like on this one side right here right if this is like a scale of like guys that a guy that will approach and pursue any woman no matter what and a guy that will never approach and never pursue any woman no matter what most guys live here in the middle right and you know there's a small amount of men that are like these super players some of them are narcissists and some of them most of them are guys that you don't want to date but they're they're really they tend to be really charming and they will go after just about any woman that they see that's attractive that's a very very small percentage of men right and then there's um there's this middle area of men where uh they gauge right they have a gauge in their mind of you know how uh like risk versus reward like how risky is it going to be for me to go over there and talk to this girl how risky is it going to be for me to uh you know try to um show romantic interest in this woman and pursue something that will lead to a romantic relationship with this woman and then you know obviously there's this other side which we don't even necessarily need to talk about which is men that won't no matter what you do they're not going to approach or pursue a woman no matter what um and uh i don't know i don't know what we're going to do about those guys probably nothing um but there's this middle ground right and there's the middle ground has a lot of really awesome guys in it they're just really cool awesome guys and a lot of times um you know they need uh they need to feel like they're going to win they need to feel like when they talk to you that you're going to win right i talk to women all the time in our community and sometimes they'll say things like um you know i'm you know i i never have guys that pursue me or whatever and i'll be like oh yeah you know so what's you know like what's going on in your life and and sometimes i get these women that are like they're like yeah you know i've got this and this is my schedule and you can take a look at it and like their schedule is just completely filled with things every single day of the week and i'm like so uh where in here do you like meet guys and hang out with guys that want to date you and they're like oh well you know if something frees up and you're like okay um and they have a problem with attainability right because a guy's going to look at that and he's like hey when can we meet up and she's like oh i think i have like 10 minutes here you know in two weeks on a thursday you know at uh 415 if you can meet me for coffee between then and 425 you know and it's like how is how is this guy ever going to pursue you for or any guy for that matter pursue you for a relationship and so so today we're going to talk about attainability if you're having problems with men who feel intimidated or men who aren't pursuing or approaching you that's what we're talking about today um hi hi hi hi hi hi everybody thanks for being here with us uh our i don't know what rsa is but hi from rsa um okay so uh let's see how many things do i have here one two three four five six seven and then eight so i have eight things that we're going to talk about in terms of attainability if you're a high value woman and you're having problems with guys that aren't that the right guys pursuing you and approaching you and wanting to invest in you and spend time with you and moving things forward with you um and so the first thing that you want to do uh to if you feel like this is one of your problems and you want men to start doing these things uh the first one is being more receptive right so when a guy does things for instance like he starts trying to impress you um i i talk to some women who uh they'll do things like uh you know because there's a lot of like advice out there where um a lot of the advice is kind of geared towards women who feel like they have really low self-esteem like they um can't get a guy because they're not good enough and all that kind of stuff and so uh the the dating industry is filled with these tactics about how to like show less interest because a lot of these women are just uh like um grasping on to men and holding on to them you know as soon as a guy shows any interest in them that they feel is like moving them towards the direction they want they like grab on to the guy and just you know like hold on to him for dear life until uh he ends up going what's going on here and it blows up in their face and so uh what ends up happening is the dating industry talks a lot about how to like um try to mimic things that women who are high value might do right so they they they jump to the other side of the scale where they're like okay show less interest right we have a thing that we talk about at commitment connection where we talk about leaning back right and you lean back and you let guys do things for you and women will end up uh you know taking this to the extreme um especially if you're you know kind of a high value woman um if you do it too much it'll it'll give you attainability problems and so what you want to do is start being more receptive towards men when men start doing things like they they start talking about themselves right just um allow yourself to be impressed by him allow him to uh you know if he's saying nice things to you or he's talking about his achievements in life or whatever just you know enjoy it be receptive to it um you know and be impressed by it you know and and enjoy the time instead of trying to like show disinterest or some of those other kind of uh really bad dating tactics that they teach you out there um yes i changed my hairstyle this is true it's true um yeah i i you know i um i have some stories about that but all right so the next one that we're gonna we're on attainability the next one that we're gonna talk about number two is um it's letting him know that you find things that he does attractive and so uh there's kind of this thing out there in some dating worlds where they're like uh you know i think maybe you've heard about the book like why men love bitches and uh you know kind of these these tactics where you show like disinterest or you you know say mean things to a guy or whatever uh if you're a high value woman and you want him to pursue you and you want a normal like well adjusted if you want a really low self-esteem guy to pursue you and be attracted to you then by all means insult him be a bitch to him i'm sure that will work for a really low value guys but if you if you're a high value woman and you meet another uh if you meet a high value guy or a guy that you really like and you want him to pursue you and chase you and invest in you um you know just just be you know find things that you you like about what he does and who he is and uh how he acts and just uh let him know that you like him and we're gonna talk a little bit more about this in kind of a different twist in number seven so that's number two number three is uh another tactic that is talked a lot about in the women's dating industry is this idea of teasing right teasing can be fun it's kind of close to like um it's kind of close to sarcasm but it's not right some people like sarcasm some people don't i think that depending on who you are too much sarcasm i think in relationships can be really destructive to the relationship but i think um you know this idea of teasing right is like um it's almost like backhanded compliments or uh you know just um like kind of this push pull thing where you're like you know kind of saying nice things but then saying kind of like um like hot cold type things uh you want to do that less if you have an attainability problem you you because what that ends up doing is making him feel like he's unsure if you even really like him and if he's unsure about what like i talked about i've talked about many many videos one of the biggest fears that men have is being put in the friend zone because most men get put in the friend zone um most of the time with most women that they talk to you know for i so i used to be in the men's dating industry back i was teaching in the men's dating industry before i started teaching in the women's dating industry and we had guys in the men's dating industry that would go out and approach thousands and thousands of women and you know we would go out to different places to go and approach women and you know help guys go and approach women and we go approach women and you know kind of show guys how how it's done to approach women and for the most part if a guy goes and approaches a woman um it's most of the time it's not going to work out right so if a guy walks up and talks to a woman a woman probably around 80 percent of the time it's not going to go anywhere right he's going to talk to her she's not going to be single um you know maybe it's going to be a bad interaction maybe she's not attracted to him maybe you know she does something that he's not attracted to something's going to happen where it doesn't end up working out right he might get her contact information and then you know he never uh is he never contacts her or you know she never ends up being attainable or available for him and so most of the time things don't work out for men and so uh you know and even if he does kind of pursue things with her a lot of times men end up in the friend zone right especially if he's not really direct about his romantic interest from the very beginning a lot of times what ends up happening is uh guys aren't sure because they don't want to be creepy right guys are like scared to death of being creepy it's like the the the biggest nightmare for a dude is for a woman that he's attracted to to be like you're so creepy right now and so a lot of times guys won't show that they're interested because they're afraid of looking creepy and they don't realize that that actually makes them more creepy but that's a whole other thing all together um but yeah so the the point is to to tease him less right it's it's about giving him more of a um a feeling like he has the ability to win with you he has the ability to pursue you he has the ability to uh move things forward with you and so you'll want to tease him less do we have any questions uh where is the place best place to meet guys what about uh sea or friend with benefits i have been for three years on and off and i don't want a relationship um um where's that where where is the best place to meet guys um it depends on what kind of guy you're looking for it depends on what kind of a person you are right so uh you know for some people the best place to go is to a bar for some people the best place to go is to uh different types of like meetup events for some people the best place to go to is a gym but if you're not into gyms then going to a gym might not be the best place for you to go to meet guys so it depends on you uh requet requel sorry i'm always bad with names um okay so maryland asks uh what about uh sea or friends with benefits um i'm not sure what you're asking there maryland uh this guy is reverse aging yeah you know i have some friends that tell me i look like a vampire or something like that um they're like they're like how do you never age you just get younger and younger um yeah i was i was uh i was at this event the other day and this i was telling this woman how old i was and she was like she's like do you have the the you know the secret to the you know eternal life do you do you have the are you hiding the holy grail at home are you know like what is your secret to looking so young um okay and so the next one so we're talking about attainability right so if you're having uh if you're intimidating to men and they're not pursuing you um how to be more attainable and the next one and and you know some of these um and it goes they kind of go against a lot of uh dating advice that's out there because we're we're coming from a place of you know here's the cool thing about attainability and taking it on even if you don't feel like you're like this super high value woman right now or you don't you know you don't feel like you're there you don't feel like you really understand and appreciate and know your own value the cool thing about attainability is it's an assumption it's an assumption that you do have high value so you're coming from this place of i have high value how can i make myself attainable to these men being a woman of high value and so a lot of this stuff about like being valuable and trying to make yourself seem more valuable that stuff is coming from a place where you feel like you're not valuable enough you you don't have the confidence you don't feel like you're a valuable person and so you need to raise your value that's the whole premise that's the frame that you're coming from when you're trying to raise your value but when you're coming from the frame of attainability the attainability frame says that you are a high value woman already and that men are intimidated by you and so you are creating this space for a man to come into because you're already you don't need to worry about your value because your value already exists what you need to worry about is making sure that men feel like they can pursue you for a romantic relationship and you know a lot of women out there don't even realize they have an attainability problem until they do some kind of coaching with me and then find out so the next one is be warmer and friendlier so there's a lot i keep hearing these women that tell me that they got advice about like not showing interest in a guy and that's like the worst thing that i've ever heard in my life if you want a guy to pursue you he needs to know unless he's just like a super player and he's just super aggressive and he's just like i'm gonna approach you know i'm gonna pursue her no matter what most guys if they don't think you're interested in them for a romantic relationship they're not going to pursue you that's that's it you know they're gonna look at it and they're gonna be like oh i don't think she's in i don't think she's really that interested in me and so a lot of times they'll just be like yeah i'll just stop trying to you know move things forward with this woman because i don't think she's really that interested and so you need to um uh you know be friendly be warm you know be friendly um you know if a guy approaches you like uh you know there's kind of this thing out there about being hard to get which um you know there it's a valuable thing to talk about right because men value things that they put effort into right men value things that they invest in they value women that they invest in they about they value women that they put effort into um so i i think the idea of playing hard to get i think that there's some value there um but at the same time um you want you want to show that you know there's this thing that i talk about with setting boundaries where when i teach a woman how to set a boundary the first thing that i have her say when she's saying her boundary is what she wants right so she'll say things like uh you know if a guy is like uh you know coming on too strong sexually she'll say things like um you know i really i you know i'm really attracted to you and i really want that kind of a relationship with you but you know and then she'll go on to set her boundary where you know she talks about you know i'm i need to feel these other things with you before i you know do that or whatever and so um you know the reason that you say that first part of the boundary where you tell him what you want and you tell him that you're interested in him doing this is because you don't want him to get completely discouraged right and if a guy um you know pursues you and tries to do something with you and you just shut him down completely and just like no i'm not doing that i'm not interested in that you know that's not something i want you know all of a sudden he's like oh maybe she doesn't she she doesn't want me maybe i'm not attractive to her maybe she's not interested in this kind of a relationship i get women all the time that come to me and they're like yeah i rejected this guy why doesn't he pursue me anymore and it's like well because you rejected him right you rejected him in a way where he felt like it was a hard rejection right there's uh we have these terms ones like soft rejection and one's hard rejection a hard rejection is like no i'm not interested you know i don't want it or it conveys the idea of no i'm not interested i don't want anymore whereas the idea of a soft rejection is um it's a it's a little bit more like oh you know like oh not right now you know or like you know i'm not ready for that yet right and so um if you give a guy a hard rejection um you know unless like i said unless he's like a super aggressive guy he may just be like okay cool she's not that interested and i'm going to go and pursue women who are more interested and so you want to make sure that you're friendly and warm to men especially at the beginning and throughout the process like the dating process right that makes you attainable like being too hard being too cold being too uh too much of a hard rejection makes it so that he feels like he's not really like uh you don't really want to have a relationship with him um let's see do we have uh i've got one two three four more do we have any questions about this real quick uh what if they do show that and back off and they give you hope um i'm not sure what so they show they show what they show interest and then they back off um how about uh why do guys go hot and then cold and then drop out of sight and then hot again should i forget this guy it you know it depends it depends on how long you've been like you know arlene tell us a little bit about like how long you've been seeing this guy like how many times have you dated him like how long have you been dating him out you know what kind of a relationship do you have with him you know it's kind of funny because sometimes we'll get women who talk about like guys ghosting or going hot and cold on them and it's like uh you know sometimes it's like yeah they they haven't even met yet they haven't even met each other yet and you're talking about him ghosting it's like you didn't you know like until a certain period in the relationship it's not really ghosting it's more like um you know it's it's just a part of the dating process he he doesn't feel like he you know you guys even know each other that well and i don't know what your situation is arlene maybe it's maybe you guys do know each other really well so you'd have to give us more information about that uh so rocky says may i know why a guy said i'm his special friend his special friend yeah we need more context here so what like what was the context of him calling you his special friend all right so i've been seeing a guy for three years and he says he wants no commitment that we are not in a relationship but he shows me different um well it depends on what you want you know do you want a relationship um all right so i'm gonna go over the rest one the rest of these if you have a question just type your question in the chat and i will get to the questions at the end here that way we can go through all the content that i have for you today all right so for the next one it is so so we're talking about attainability and making it so that a guy feels like you're attainable right if you're just this um amazing awesome woman which you probably are and you know that you're an amazing awesome woman you've created a life where you're an amazing awesome woman a lot of times guys might feel like you're not attainable and so we're talking about how to be more attainable to these guys so that they want to pursue you and chase you and invest in you for a long-term committed relationship and so the next one is using a kind of non teasing type of humor and just you know having fun and enjoying kind of your interaction more right so one another thing that happens and you know sometimes women don't even realize that they're doing it is they're just kind of like hanging out with a guy and the guys like you know guys a lot of times they'll try to figure out like what's going on right so if you're you're newly dating a guy and he's having an interaction with you he's trying to figure out um you know how you feel about him and so if he's not getting kind of signs and signals about how you feel he might think you're just not interested and so uh you know having fun enjoying yourself you know laughing with him laughing at his jokes just just having a good time just relaxing letting go getting rid of your expectations and just having fun with him actually makes you a lot more attainable right and being like you know serious and uh you know sometimes I talk to women that go on these dates and it's basically like a like some kind of uh like interview date where they've got like a list of things and they're like okay question number one you know what is your relationship to your family right and if it's not on you know if it's not any you know a b or c a is you know it's like this weird hard like I don't even want to call it born but it's like tense kind of date that they take guys on and it's really like for guys it's like you know like do I really want to go and do that again I don't know and it's so it kind of puts you in this unattainable category like this intimidating category because it's it's not fun you know it's not enjoyable it's not um you know it doesn't make him feel those emotions that he wants to feel in order to want to move things forward with you and and feel like you're somebody that that is attainable for him all right so the next one is being more open and honest about vulnerabilities and mistakes so this this is a another one that um you know a lot of times women feel like they shouldn't do like they shouldn't open up they shouldn't be vulnerable with a guy unless he is you know like the right one or whatever and you know I think being open to like making mistakes and you know showing mistakes showing that you make mistakes it makes you more human right so there's kind of like these different dimensional sides to a human being and a lot of times when you first meet a guy it's like you have these images of each other in your mind right he sees you he's physically attracted to you so he's like pursuing that and then he he gets kind of this image like this uh this woman's image in his mind and uh you want him to get out of that woman's image in his mind because it's usually some kind of like dream ideal that he creates about you and what you want to do is get him into uh the different dimensional parts of who you are and what your personality is and one of the best ways to do that is to open up and just you know and it doesn't have to be like you you know like if you have some like major trauma or something in your life or you've got like some kind of mental illness or something it doesn't mean you need to drop all that stuff like on him the first date you know right after you meet him but you know just talking casually about things you know like uh you know saying if you say something that you think is stupid and you're just like oh was that was that dumb you know it just makes you more human right it makes you more attainable it makes you more of somebody that he feels like he can relate to because if he's a guy and he's going out and doing things he's probably screwing things up a lot like everybody is you know and the question is are you are you admitting it or not and you know if you can show kind of those sides to it if you can show you know that you're not this perfect ideal image of a human being that a lot of people are going out there and trying to portray uh that that's actually the thing that a lot of people are starving for they're absolutely they're absolutely starving to get a real connection and to meet real people who've got real stuff going on you know and and that's uh that's valuable you know that's even that's really valuable and it's really attainable right because it it's relatable and it makes them feel like you're a real person all right moving on to the next one so i've got two more the next one is uh finding more ways to genuinely compliment him and so this is kind of going back to that one where i was talking about you know letting him know that you find things attractive but it's it's a little bit different and the way that this is different is what you're going to do here is you know just let him talk about himself let him open up you know ask him questions about who he is in his life and what he's interested in and if you get guys you know i hear a lot of times women are like oh guys don't want to talk about things or whatever if you get guys talking about the right things they will talk forever about it right if you if you find if you can hit if you can find what a guy's passion is and i talk about that in some of my programs about finding what his passions are and and opening them up about those things but if you can find out what that is most guys will talk about that forever they'll forever talk about you know the things that make him passionate and so what you want to do here and i'll give you a um a really powerful tip here is what you want to do is you want to find like gen like genuine character traits so like things that he does that you find that you find admirable things that you find attractive that you respect things that kind of impress you anything that you can find about him you know maybe it's a little thing you know maybe it's it's how he treats the waiter maybe it's um you know how he opens the door for you and acts like a gentleman on your date maybe it's um you know the kind things that he says to you maybe it's um you know it could be anything you know maybe it's the way that he stands or sits or talks or um anything you know anything that you can find in his personality and the things that he talks about in his passions uh even talking about you know how you respect and admire his passion that makes him feel amazing right and it makes him feel like uh you know you see him at the same level as you and if you you know are a high value woman you know sometimes men feel intimidated like we talked about and so you're pulling him up and you're going yeah I see you up here with me and you know that makes him feel like you're attainable like you're somebody that he can if he does pursue and he does chase after that he can end up having a relationship with and so there's one more here looks like we have some more questions there's one more here and this last one is something that I've talked about in a bunch of different videos that we have and it's this idea that's called pacing right it's pacing his interest and this is a really important concept because if you go too far down either of the rabbit holes right so um this is one of the reasons right like so if you think about men let's think about men for a second in the men's dating industry there's like um there's these two sides of the scale one is like the super nice guy and the other one's like the asshole right and so guys a lot of the guys in the men's dating industry they start out like super nice guys where people are walking all over them and they're like being ridiculously nice and so uh and uh you know when you're like yeah you need to stand up for yourself and you know do all these things a little bit more when you're talking to those guys uh as a coach and what they do is they go oh I don't want to be an asshole and you're like well you might have to jump over to that side for a minute just so that you're out of this uber nice guy thing in order to you know like figure find the middle ground because the middle ground is really the sweet spot right like you're you're not a pushover but you know like when you're in the middle here as a guy like and you're dating women you can be like romantic you can be like all these really awesome things that a lot of guys feel like they can't be anymore because they've kind of gotten trampled over when they've done it but they they did it from a space of like neediness and insecurity and low value but you know they jump over to the side and then they jump back and then they jump back and eventually they hit this middle ground right and so um you know it's the same with with you right if you're if you're feeling like uh you know you came from one side or the other where you're like overly uh you know super high value woman or super like insecure like feeling like your low value woman you know insecure not confident type of thing um sometimes you might have to jump back and forth right so you might do something that's a little bit you know like too unattainable and then you might do something that's like a little bit too graspy and needy you know but sometimes it takes you know going back and forth and doing those things in order to find where that sweet spot is and you know sometimes a lot of this stuff if if you're not if you don't have it you know if you uh don't just naturally feel it sometimes it takes a little work you know sometimes it takes a little playing with things and testing things out in order to get to the sweet spot that really um you know makes you makes guys see you as this amazing beautiful high value woman but it also for the right men they see you and they go yeah you know she's attainable and they start pursuing you and next you know you have this flood of really awesome guys and then you know your problem is which of these awesome guys you know do I really really like and uh that's really where you want to be and so there's this thing called pacing is interest that I talk about and basically what it is is it's making sure that you don't jump to too far to one side or the other right so if a guy is showing interest in you that's um that's a good indication um that you can show interest in him or if he's kind of pulling back that's when you kind of you know let him pull back and you know you kind of let go and pull back a little bit as well so that he has room to come back and start pursuing you again and start showing that interest when you know and you can start doing that as well and so that pacing thing is a really really powerful tool that a lot of women use that helps them um with attainability and not jumping too far to the unattainable side or not jumping too far to the clean side um so okay so what else do we have here um how can I tell if he wants more than friends with benefits so if a guy wants more than so there's there's a bunch of different things that I have to say about that right so if a guy wants more than being a friends with benefits um most guys will be honest and open about it right they'll they'll let you know if you talk to him about it and you ask him about it if you talk to him and ask him about it and he starts like uh kind of like running away or like you know avoiding the conversation or pulling back and not wanting to talk about that topic of like relationships and commitment that's a big red flag that he just wants a friend with benefits relationship and so um you know I in our newsletter I talk about uh you know there's a very specific tactic I think I think it's also in the um uh the how to talk to a guy program about how to um um how to set it up to make sure that uh you know you're getting into a situation where um you're uh you you know you're not just uh you know dating a player okay so his special friend I mean there's no context to the special friend thing it's like what do you mean his special friend like it it almost sounds creepy to me that's what that's what it sounds like you're my special friend like how is he saying that you're his special friend all right so Kelly says after dating my neighbor for three months I told him that I really liked him he has pulled away ever since and says he only wants to be friends um as a high value woman yourself uh what is up uh well I mean if he says that he only wants to be friends and you know you want something more with him or you told him that you like him um you know one you got to respect him and what what he says that he wants you know there's there's definitely ways uh you know I was talking to somebody the other I was it was in our community it was in our Facebook community someone was saying that there's chemistry either exists or it doesn't exist and and I I disagree I mean I think that there's um to a certain extent that that there's that's true right like if you see somebody you're either attracted to them or you're not attracted to them but I think that there's levels of attraction and attraction can be amplified I've seen it I've witnessed it I felt it um and I know that that exists uh so um yeah I mean it depends on what you're trying to do like what is up you know what is up is that uh he's just letting you know that he just wants to be friends you know if he's pulling back and he says hey I just want to be friends you know take it for what he's saying you know take it for the face value um you know the question is do you do you really want to pursue something more in that region and you know the question after that is whether he's going to end up doing anything or not and if he doesn't then uh you you don't want to end up being the pursuer in that situation because that will end up being really really bad uh so five months only kissing but he's got a cast on oh and so like a cast that prevents him from doing anything else um I'm sorry I'm not even I don't even remember the question is okay so hot and cold yeah so it depends on uh you know what's going on with him so it could be that uh you know there's a lot of different reasons that men might go hot and cold one of them is that um he might have kind of a job situation where he's just going hot and cold another one might be that he's uh pursuing other women and so you know he's like available and he's not available and you know whatever it I'd have to know more about what's going on with him um it's hard to just say okay there's a guy and he kissed me and we've gone out a few times and he's hot and cold um there's a bunch of different kind of scenarios that exist there um that that could be making him pull away and go cold on you and so it you know it just depends um okay great Lucy says great content you're welcome I'm glad you like it yeah so so one thing that I want to say is you know there's kind of this thing in our industry where a lot of people kind of talk about like um you know doing something and it'll make any man do this or do that and maybe I've said that before I don't know um but the truth is the reality is is that uh there's nothing out there that'll make any man do anything right um some men aren't going to be available you know some men aren't going to be right for you some men aren't going to pursue you um and uh attainability won't necessarily make all men who are attracted to you pursue you right so if a man is attracted to you but he's over on this side over here uh that doesn't mean that he's going to pursue you you know at all right or or maybe he is unattainable right because guys have that problem a lot too a lot lot um you know especially super high value guys that have a lot of stuff going on in business or in their careers or you know just with their lives a lot of times those guys are completely unattainable and um that that that's another thing that we talk about in the men's industry is attainability and so um you know it's it's not always you can't can't always do it can't always do it all right so i'm not so anabelle anabella asks what is the best response of the guy ask you do you consider to start dating again i'm not sure what that means do you consider is that english i don't know it it kind of sounds a little like do you consider to start dating that i don't think that makes sense okay um should i pull the plug i don't know what you're pulling the plug oh so i always seem to attract emotionally and available men yeah so there's this thing that uh Helena talks a lot about and uh we have a new coach that's been working with us i don't know if you guys have seen her yet her name is ania but she's amazing and ania uh talks a lot about this kind of concept of shifting right shifting something that's within you and what ends up happening a lot for women that we've worked with uh that have gone from uh attracting lots of emotionally unavailable men to attracting guys that are available that are amazing that really want them and uh are amazing guys and uh pursue an amazing relationship with these women is that they shift something that's going on inside themselves right so they they shift how they feel specifically and uh we we talk a lot about that in the um ania actually has a whole program about that uh that you can get some of it for free if you go to the goddess community dot com that it's you can get a bunch of it for free in there uh so you might want to go check out the goddess community dot com there's a 14 day free trial um and you can check out ania's goddess initiations program in there for free for 14 days and uh you'll see what she's talking about you'll see what i'm talking about in terms of shifting something that's inside of yourself so that you attract something different into your life it's really really powerful i suggest that everybody go and check out the goddess community dot com and look at ania's pro goddess initiations program in there because it is freaking amazing freaking amazing so why do guys want friend with benefits and not a relationship um so miss hill there's a lot of reasons why guys want friend with benefits and not a relationship and it kind of depends on a few different things right so one of the things is how available he is for having something so a lot of guys have been hurt right a lot of women have been hurt a lot of guys have been hurt and past relationships and so some sometimes guys are like hey i don't want anything serious because i don't want to get hurt again which is totally understandable i understand it you know we have lots of hurt women in our community and so um so yeah uh it is a um so that's that's one of the reasons another reason is that he might see you and only feel like he wants a friend with benefits you know most guys want a real relationship that's that's the reality of things is most guys want a real relationship and so he might you know feel like you know a lot of times guys will slot women into different categories like oh you're kind of this friend with benefits category because i'm attracted to you but emotionally it's not really there for me or you know you're uh you know kind of this relationship material because you seem like somebody i'd want to be in a relationship with you know but i'm not sure if i'd want to go any further than that um and then there's kind of like this marriage material where you meet a woman and you know a guy meets a woman and he's just like oh my god she's everything that i've ever wanted in a woman before um and so uh it might just be how it could either be him or it could be how he it's always him right because um you know he sees you and he's attracted to you um but for some reason and it's either a reason of him feeling like he uh doesn't want any more for a multitude of different reasons or he feels like he doesn't want more with you for a multitude of reasons and it all has to do with him and how he feels uh yes special friend yeah they we all uh-huh keeping it real keeping it real um okay so d martin says high value guys valuable women on terms uh you know a lot of times when we say high value guy or valuable woman um you know i i don't know that i said valuable woman other than saying if you feel like you're a valuable woman right so a lot of this has to do with feelings right it's not like you know we're not talking about like uh human beings inherent value here right like if you feel like human beings have an inherent value that's one thing right but if you see somebody and you feel like they would bring value into your life that's a completely different thing right and so we're talking about feelings right and one of them is the way that you feel about yourself and if you feel like you're a high value human being um other people are more likely to feel like you're a high value human being and if a guy feels like you're a high value like he he feels like you're a valuable person that you're somebody special that you're somebody different than all the other women out there then he's going to want to he's more likely to want to have a relationship with you and uh long-term relationship with you he'll feel like you're somebody that uh if he had you in his life that it would be really special for him so that that's those are what we mean when we talk about the terms high value you know i think a lot of people um kind of like misinterpret that like oh everybody's got value why would you say you know high value it's like well we're talking about like uh value in relation to how how somebody feels right and so you know there's a million you know i don't know if you're a man or a woman d martin but there's a million people out there right there's millions and millions of people and if you go out and let's say you're a woman and you see all these men um you know and you like what differentiates one man from another right and so when we talk about value what we're talking about is seeing somebody's value and feeling like they're special and different and unique and in a good way right in a way that makes you go oh man like i would love to have this person in my life and be with this person forever um so men say you're low class that's i don't know why do men like what what have you what have you done where a man's told you that you're low class uh do you cuss men out you know low class behavior is usually things like uh when somebody talks about low class behavior what they're usually talking about is being like disrespectful or being like um breaking social norms right or treating people badly or uh you know dressing poorly or uh acting poorly acting like you're um like you don't uh have respect for people or things around you uh so it it could just be a bunch of different things around that um okay so that looks like all the questions here so thank you everybody for being on this live stream i wanted to talk about this because we've had a bunch of women in our community uh asked some questions about the idea of uh men being intimidated by them and so um you know thank you for being here with me i really appreciate you being here and uh you know thanks for being a part of our community and i will speak with you again soon