 Use your head, save your hair, you You Fitch Company makers of Fitch Shampoo presents the Fitch Bandwagon With Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetzli, Janine Ruth and Whitfield Robert North Walter Sharpen is music and starring Alice Pee and Phil Harris 42 prizes each week for you, just tell why you like Fitch Shampoo To introduce Fitch's new cream shampoo, and for those who use dandruff remover shampoo We're sponsoring our third big weekly contest Prizes include One new Frazier Manhattan four-door sedan One new Kaiser sedan Five universal electric ranges Three a manna home freezers Two boss electric washing machines Thirty universal electric blankets Easy to enter, easy to win Get paper and pencil ready, we'll give contest rules and the address now And repeat them again later in the program Here's all you do In 25 additional words or less, complete one of these statements I like Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo because Or I like Fitch's cream shampoo because That's all To each entry, attach the round paper disc from top of Fitch's cream shampoo jar Or carton top from Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo or facsimile Mail with your name and address to Fitch Shampoo box 1723 Chicago, Illinois There's plenty to write about Fitch's cream shampoo leaves hair far softer, shinier It's made with both lanolin and olive oil Lanolin to soften, olive oil to bring out those sparkling highlights Forty-two prizes each week for you, just tell why you like Fitch's shampoo A week, Phil Harris was voted a stockholder in the Fitch Company However, unbeknownst to Phil, he was voted only one share Thinking he had a large block, he went on a spending spree And now as we look in on the Harris' home We find Alice berating Phil for his reckless spending What Phil? You shouldn't have spent money you didn't have You should have waited until the Fitch Company sent you the stock Well, how did I know they were going to hold it in trust for me So I couldn't get my hands on it? Besides, what did I do that was so terrible? All I did was go out and buy a few little things for you, baby A few little things? You ordered Fitch's fur coats, two cars, all kinds of jewelry And what on earth was in that barrel that came yesterday? Ten gallons of Chanel number five Well, I opened the barrel and it didn't smell like Chanel number five It didn't look like it either, it had foam on top I know, but that's a lot of perfume, honey And the only thing I could find big enough to hold it was an old beer keg It makes it easy to get at all you do is just got to turn this tap and this stuff comes right out Lucky me, I'm the only girl in the world who has perfume on draft Oh, fair you're sweet, but you overdo everything Like the presents you bought the children, even they think you overdid it I don't believe it Hey, kid! Yes, Daddy? Uh, Alice, do you and Phyllis like the party dresses I got for you? They were nice, Daddy But don't you think we're too young with drafts this evening down? Oh, well, how was I to know that the kids didn't like that kind of stuff? I liked mine, Daddy I wore it to nursery school and all the boys whistled at me Stop, Phyllis, you didn't wear it and you know it I bet if I did wear it, they'd whistle Never mind, you got plenty of time for that Well, I'm sorry, Alice, I meant well And another thing, the children wanted a little sand for their sandbox And what did you do? I ordered eight truckloads of sand What's wrong with that? Nothing, except they dumped it all in the backyard and the place looked like the Sahara Desert Oh, stop exaggerating, Sahara Desert, there ain't that much sand back there Well, all I know is the gardener refuses to cross the lawn until we get a camel It's a fine state of affairs when a guy can't spend a few bucks on his family without them ridiculing them Oh, it's just the way you spend it that I'm objecting to Well, you even took an auction on a mansion in Beverly Hills and talked about putting our house up for sale But no harm's been done, I canceled the furs, the cars and the jewelry and I told the guy I didn't want the mansion in Beverly Well, how about the sand? They're picking that up tomorrow The sand before they take it away? Yes, go ahead children Oh children! Yes, mommy Be careful of Arabs Don't be so funny, I've learned my lesson Well, the only thing you did that really bothered me was when you talked about selling this house But I was only talking, honey Well, I wouldn't think about selling this place I would... Oh, it's a phone, I'll get it Well, that may be the plumber, Phil I called him this morning about the bathroom sink He said he'd call back Hello? Hello, Mr. Harris, this is Mr. Thomas down at the real estate agency Has anybody shown up yet? Not enough for what? To buy your house Yeah, you told me to put in the papers attracting a lot of buyers Buy my house? Holy record and patrillo Gee, I forgot to cancel that Hey, look Thomas Hey, Thomas, now look, I've changed my mind My house ain't for sale and you've got to yank that ad out I'm afraid it's too late, Harris It's already appeared in the morning's paper And you'll have a lot of people looking to go to the house today But look, I just sent somebody over to look at the place And Mr. Morgan Morgan will be there any minute, goodbye But Thomas, I... Oh, he hung up Oh, what a chamele I am for forgetting to cancel that ad Now if Alice finds out the house is for sale I'm really at that duck I've got to keep any buyers away from Alice Who called, Phil? Called? Uh, uh... Oh, uh... Oh, it was, uh, President Truman President Truman Yeah, Margaret's singing at Carnegie Hall And wants to know the words to Darktown Polker Club Saying such a climb, was it the plumber? Oh, yeah, the plumber Why didn't I think it's something simple as that? Hey, you said they're sending a man over What time will he be here? Uh, uh... I don't know, let's forget about the plumber What were we talking about before the phone rang? Well, I was saying how much this house means to me It has so many wonderful memories, Phil Honey, remember the day you told me you were gonna buy this house for me? Remember how excited I was? Yeah You were so shaky I had to steady your hand so you could sign the check I couldn't be happy anyplace else We started our life together here The children were born and raised here And besides, I want to stay and grow old here You better start aging faster, you won't make it Oh, what I mean is, is, look How long can you live in one place? I mean, if somebody did come and make us a good offer, we might be... We're not selling our house and that's final Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go upstairs and write a few letters And when the plumber gets here tell him it's the bathroom thing that needs fixing Okay Uh-oh That must be Morgan, I gotta get there first I'll answer the door, honey, I'll get it No, stop running, Phil, I'm right here at the door I'll answer it Must be the plumber How do you do? My name is Morgan I was... I know, I've been expecting you Just go right upstairs to the bathroom Very hospitable of you, madam, but I've had enough I bathe every day Sometimes quite a day Well, I imagine in your sort of work you have to Work has nothing to do with it I happen to be very fastidious Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to come in and look things over Very well, but first don't you think you ought to go out to your car and change your clothes? Change my clothes? Well, yes, you're dressed so neatly I... I don't want you to get your clothes soiled Don't you think you ought to put on a pair of overalls before you come in? Why, is your house that dirty? Now, just a minute, you're the most insolent plumber I've ever known Madam, I am not a plumber I'm here in answer to the ad What ad? Oh, yes, yes, I got it, honey It's the ad I know the ad You see, honey, I put an ad in the paper for a musician I need one for my band When did you begin using musicians in your band? I am not a musician That reference is good enough for me, you're hired Now bring your trombone to rehearsal tomorrow morning Goodbye Now, look, I have no intention of playing with your orchestra I don't know a bassoon's limin' oboe You don't have to, we don't use none of them string instruments Now, see to my rehearsal, Morgie, so long I am not leaving If you and Mr. Morgan will excuse me, Phil, I have to write those letters I'll be upstairs Yeah, you're running along, Alice I'll try to talk Morgan into doing the same thing I'm not running along until I see this house Feed it, Bob, the house ain't for sale, feed it But the ad said it was It said it was for sale for $20,000 It said it was open house today And by George, I'm going to see it Get lost, bud, get lost, feed it That was a close call I wonder how many people saw that ad If they keep coming in all day, I'll be, uh-oh Oh, that's Morgan again, huh? Well, there's only one way to handle this character I'm gonna have to get tough with him Now look here, Junior, Iy-y-y-y-y-y... Hello, big boy I wish you wouldn't shout at me, pain Cause I-I'm very sick of any pain What's the matter, kid? You in pain? Don't get gay with me, told e-lock I read the house was for sale And I came to, uh... look at all that Well look, honey, that's a mistake. It's not right. The house is not for sale. The ad said it was, and I'm coming in, scene. You're not coming in. Who says I'm not coming in? Phil! Alice says you're not. Now get going while your motor's still running. Who's that woman? And don't tell me she's a trombone player. Oh, that woman? Oh yeah, you see, I entered the Fitch contest and she was one of the 42 prizes. Stop stalling, Phil, and tell me who she was. I don't know, Alice, so I just... Hey. Are you a little jealous? Why could I be jealous of her? She had nothing. I don't know. I thought she had a kind of a pretty face. Aw, you think so? Well, what did you think of her figure? I thought it was abominable. Nevermind her stomach. What did you think of her? Stop it, Phil. Sometimes you make me so mad. Ah, ah, ah, ah, temper, temper, temper. Remember the article about us in the new true story magazine? Says we never fight. Oh, never mind. I'm going in and get lunch ready. Phil, you're positively incorrigible. Now wait a minute, honey. Don't go calling me names like that. I'm sensitive about the way you talk to me. And you've got to stop picking on me because I don't mind you telling me that I'm as tacky as a man could be. I reckoned you were justified, but I never thought you'd promonaise to and fro with the carry trade. Now you've gone and hurt my mother's pride. When you took my honey's suckle vine over the Mason-Dixon line, I didn't take his teary eyes. But I never thought I'd ever tag you with a Yankee Scallowag. Now you've gone and hurt my mother's pride. Saucy, Chrissy, Bossy, Missy, that she ain't all around as if you owned the town. Play and cost them a little magnolia blossom. You'd better mend your ways, settle down. Well, shut my mouth and fan my brow. Half of the heap of wearies now. I hope that you were satisfied. Oh, I never thought this day would arrive when the honey would be in the new beehive. Now you've gone and hurt my mother's pride. I'm feeling kind of foolish. I'm feeling mighty blue. Plum puckered out with worry. For me and my sweetness I've drew. Saucy and Chrissy and Bossy and Missy, that she ain't all around as if you owned the town. Play and cost them a little magnolia blossom. You'd better mend your ways, settle down. When Pappy said you'd take my dough, waste it away and off you go. I stood right up and took your size. But you headed north when the moon was low with the money I sold in the Benny's show. Now you've gone and hurt my mother's pride. Oh, that was the most hectic meal I've ever eaten. Why do you make a dash to the door every time the bell rings? Look at you now. Your pores like a sprinter ready to take off. Stop exaggerating. I just happen to like to drink my coffee from a crouching position. Gee whiz, Alice. You think I was trying to keep something from you? You can answer the door anytime you want. I tried to, but every time the bell rings, you jump up, give the table a push, and pin me against the wall. I think maybe it's just because you're a little nervous today. Why don't you go in the sand and read your book or something? All right. I guess I am a little unsturned, but I don't like all those strange people coming to the house. Well, I don't like it either. In me either do I. After all, I was here first. Mr. Morgan, are you still here? How'd you get back in? Well, the kitchen door was open, so I walked in. I almost didn't make it. I got lost in the backyard. Lost? Yeah, the wind came up and I got marooned in a sandstorm. And now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to look at the bedrooms upstairs. I'll see you later. Well, how are you going to let him go up and look at our bedrooms? I have to. He's a musician. Well, what's that got to do with it? What's that got to do with it? Them guys got a strong union. Oh, what a madhouse. I'm going in the den. And if anybody else shows up today, I'll... Take it easy. Take it easy. Now, nobody else is going to show up. I'll get it. I'll get it. Oh, I'll get it. I'll get rid of whoever it is. Hey, whoever's out there, go away. Go away. No, we don't want any. There's nobody home. You can't come in. Open the door. How are you, Frankie? That's a fine way to treat your secretary. Tell them I can't come in. I'm cut to the quick curly. Well, I'm sorry, Frankie, but I'm all up. That's no excuse. As your secretary, I'm entitled to be treated more than you want humanely. A stray dog comes scratching on your door. You'd let him in, wouldn't you? Of course. Well, I'm as good as a dog, ain't I? Well, ain't I? Oh, Frankie, stop it. I told you you can come in, so come on in. Beg me a little. What are you acting like a primadonna for? I got a right to. When you didn't get that fit stock last week, who had to do your dirty work and take back all that stuff you ordered? I had to take back four coats, jewelry, and that 10-gallon keg. By the way, what was in that keg? It's an L number five. I got to order some of that stuff. It was the nicest smell and beer I ever tasted. Frankie, you shouldn't have drunk that. That's perfume. That is? No wonder my girl kept asking me to breathe on her earlobe. You stop making with the gag, Gremly. I ain't no mood form. What's the matter with you today, Shirley? Are you a morose? I can't tell you. Why not? I don't know what that word means. Look, Frankie, I've done something awful and if Alice finds it out, there's no telling what she'll do. She might even leave me. Well, what? What if Alice does leave you? You don't need her. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Find me a mackerel with a shape like hers and I'll listen to you. If you're not going to pay any attention to me, I'm leaving, but I'm warning you. With a wife, you got to strict yourself. You got to stand up to her. Tell her off. How can you talk like that? You're not even married. That's why I can talk like that. Maybe Frankie's got something at that. You know, he might have something. I got to stand up to Alice and tell her the truth. And then when she finds it out, I know she won't mind. Gee, she's a wonderful kid. And she's sweet as sugar. Phil Harris, this is the last straw. I'm so mad. Uh-oh, the sugar's starting to ferment a little. Hey, what's the matter, honey? Oh, don't you honey me. That Morgan friend of yours just broke into the den and chased me out so we could measure it. If one more person comes into this house today, I'll- Don't worry, Alice. Nobody else will come in. It's getting late now. Oops, there's the doorbell. I'll get it. Oh, holy smoke of the mob this time. I came to see the house. I was here first. How is it lovely? Got any too much? Let me in. I want to see the- Stop pushing! Will you stop pushing? Where's the older? Down here, madam. You're standing on me. No! Phil, what's all this rocket out here? Phil, what are all these people doing? It looks like a tour. A tour? Oh yeah, that's what it is, a tour. I thought we could pick up a little extra gold, letting tourists go through our house so they could see how the movie stars live. A tour through our house? That's right. Okay, step right up this way, folks. On your left, we have Alice Faye, the Blonde Bombshell of 20th Century Park. Watch this little girl, folks. Just watch her as she shivers. She quakes, she quivers, and she quakes, and she shivers at- No wrongs field. All the heavens say, Phil, what's going on here? We're here to see the place. We'll go up and look the bedrooms over. Yes, and I'm anxious to see the dance. Come on, come on. Come on, Alice. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. A few people can't go through my- Phil, are you going to stand there and allow this? What is all this new- Oh, now, Alice, it's nothing. You know how people are. They just be a neighbor, either. Just a- Whoops, there goes that doorbell again. I'll get it. Alice, you tripped me. I know. This time I'm answering the door. Well, what do you want? Uh, Alice. Is there any way for you to talk to your brother? Oh, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't come in. Good afternoon, Philip. Briefcase is here again. Alice, I am a little annoyed with you. After all, I handle all your business affairs. And I should have been consulted before you put your house up for sale. For sale? For sale. For sale. Go ahead, Alice, it's your turn again. Here's today's paper with an ad saying your house is for sale for $20,000. And if I'm pretty close to you, and I should have been consulted. Well, I'm even closer to me than you are, and I wasn't consulted. I don't know who could have hit an ad like- ill-harrod. Oh, pardon me, folks. I gotta go in the kitchen and drill some holes in the Swiss cheese. What's that here? So, that explains all those people here. How could you do this to me? Oh, wait a minute. I can explain. It was all a mistake. I told the real estate man last week to put the ad in, and I forgot to cancel it. Oh, Phil, you're impossible. You certainly are. How can anybody be that stupid? It's easy once you get the knack of it, and shut up. Well, William, it's been a miserable day. People creaking all over the house, the bell ringing every two minutes, and still running for the door like a scared rabbit. You're exaggerating. I haven't been running. There's the back door open. What am I running for? She knows about it now. Who is it this time? It's Julius Abruzio, the grocery boy. Well, what do you want, Julius? Water! Nothing. None of your business. What do you want? Mine? To sleep on your Bobby Kins last night. Don't get gay, Junior. What are you doing here? I'm delivering the vegetables, Mike. Uh, hello, Miss Faye. Hello, Julius. I must say, you've been crying. You're a lovely blue-eyed to red. It's nothing, Julius. What it is? Clapping me in the kisser with them wet turnip greens. You can call yourself. Mr. Harris hasn't been beating me. It's nice of you to come to my defense, but I really don't need you. But if I can't save you this, now you're going on. That's with this Mon Capitaine. Where are you going? I'm not... Guy, one of these days, I'm going to light up that little pond. I wanted to get all of our people out of this house. Hold on, Alice. It's not as simple as that. A finnip quoted the price in his ad. And if anyone meets that price, according to law, he must sell it. Oh, no. Now, how are we going to get rid of them? We make an offer. We'll have to sell it. Wait a minute. They wouldn't make an offer if they thought the house was run down with it. That's it, honey. All we got to do is tell them that the joint ain't no good. It ain't set for human consumption. Here comes the thundering herd. Let's go into our act. I'm very much interested in this house, and I'm thinking of buying. Just a moment. I'd like to buy it, too, and I'd like to make a good bet. Please, folks, please, now take it easy before you make any offers. Wouldn't you like to see the rest of the house? Yes. Wouldn't you like to see the seller? Yes. I'd like to see the seller. Well, before we do, I ought to warn you. It's a little damp down there. That's all right. I don't mind a little dampness. Let's go down. Very well. Bill, is the lifeguard on duty down there? You mean your seller gets flooded? Only when we turn the faucets on in the kitchen. Who's after that flood the seller? No sink. Pardon me. Oh, it's you again. Yeah, it's me. Where do you keep the towels? Well, you'll find them in the linen closet. Who's that? Who was that? Well, we don't know. He comes in every Sunday and takes the bath. And if you want to buy the house, why, he goes with it. Well, that reminds me, I didn't see the bathroom, and I'm very anxious to see it. Towel, every night. Well, in that case, I don't think you'd like where our bathroom's located. What do you mean? Where is it located? Well, I ain't saying, but on a rainy night, you'll need a number, a land rubbers to get to it. Oh, I see. Well, in that case, I don't think I'd be interested in this place. Neither would I. Well, I'm sorry, folks. Maybe next time, it's this way out. I'll open the door for you. Right this way, please. That's a sight. I almost lost this one. What do you expect? I understand there's still Harris in the hillbilly, so come and see. Well, they're gone, honey. I finally got rid of them. Oh, thanks, Kevin. Now I can go in and start getting dinner ready. Still, Harris, if you ever pull a stunt like this... All right, honey. Stop picking on me. Now everybody's out, and I promise that there won't be any more strangers coming in. Locker boy! Locker boy! Who is that? Well, I don't know. He just came in from the backyard. Hey, wait a minute, Bob. What are you yelling Locker Boy for? What do you think you are? Ain't this the Pismo Beach Swimming? No, it isn't. Get out of here. Now, come on. Let's have our dinner, huh? This feels nice if you're sitting down to dinner with nobody in the house with your own family. Hey, there's people. Forget it, Alice. Forget it. They're all gone. Now, come on. Let's enjoy our dinner. Hey, let me help you set some mashed potatoes. I'd like mashed potatoes too, Dad. Okay, honey. How about you, fellas? I'll have some. Me too. No gravy on mine. This is Phil Harris, folks. And now here are the car winners in our first big weekly contest. The Frazier Manhattan Sedan has been won by Al Herbert. Norfolk, Nebraska. Al Herbert. The Kaiser Sedan has been won by Albert C. Walker. You have low Colorado. Winners of other prizes are being notified by mail. Now, look, everyone has a chance to win. Enter this week's contest before Saturday midnight and in 25 additional words or less, complete one of these stations. I like Pitches Zandra for Mover Shampoo because or I like Pitches Cream Shampoo because send any number of entries each on plain sheet of paper. Do each attach the round paper disc from top of Pitches Cream Shampoo jar or carton top from Pitches Zandra for Mover Shampoo or facsimile. Mail entry with your name and address to Pitch Shampoo box 1723 Chicago, Illinois. That's Pitch Shampoo box 1723 Chicago, Illinois. Winners get immediate delivery on one Fraser Manhattan Sedan, one Kaiser Sedan, five universal electric rangers, three a man-of-home freezers, two boss electric washing machines, 30 universal electric blankets. Entries judged on originality, sincerity and absence of thought. Duplicate prizes for ties judges decisions final. Any person in the United States or Canada may enter except employees of Pitch, their advertising agency and family. Entries receive after Saturday midnight judged in following week's contest. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.