 In a moment, you're going to learn a powerful tool that, when applied, will help transform even the most troubled relationships. That tool is making appointments. Have you ever tried having a conversation with your spouse the moment they walked in the door after a long hard day at work, tired and hungry? How did that work for you? When we talk with others, whether about frustrations or your to-do list, if they're not mentally or emotionally available, the results can be disastrous. That's because when our brain is under stress, we operate in survival mode. We're self-absorbed and it's not particularly interested in others' feedback, especially criticism. Our natural response is to get reactive. How do you catch your spouse at the best time when they're emotionally and mentally available by making appointments? I'm going to watch a video clip of my wife, Rithka, making an appointment with me to share frustration. How are you doing? Good. What are you making? I'm making a barley soup. Why don't you just use a peeler? I just like to use the knife. It goes quicker. But anyway, they're coming in like, I don't know, maybe like half an hour. Half an hour? Yeah. What else do we have to make? I made, let's see, I made like lemon bars, chicken. I told you to make the fish. You still have to make the fish? Yeah. I made a cobbler. Mm-hmm. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I made a cobbler. I told you to make the fish. I still have to make the fish? Yeah. I made a cobbler. Mm-hmm. Oh, can you just use, the bag for the trash. Yeah. I'm going to clean up after. I know. I just, I don't like the mess because it just, it just looks really messy. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm going to clean everything up afterwards. I know. I know. I just thought. I was eating the water. I know. I want to get this on the stove already. Yeah, but, um, alright. Well, we still have to cut the carrots. We're going to have to finish that. I know. We'll just add it. I'll clean that up when I'm done. I know. It's just... No, you don't have to do it. I told you I'll do it when I'm finished. I'm just going to have to wait until I'm done with all this, then I'll clean it up for you. Alright, I'll just... Shalama, I'd like to share a frustration with you. It's now a good time. Yes. See how easy it is? Just ask. Is now a good time, or are you available to talk? While it may look staged, if you watch the rest of the video, you'll see how we're able to have a calm conversation about a touchy subject. Imagine how that would have worked if she would have dumped her frustration in the heat of the moment. While you're probably thinking, why do I have to schedule time to talk with my spouse? Let me ask you. What do you want to get out of this exchange? Do you want to connect and be heard, or do you just want to dump? If the answer is the former, it's important to catch your spouse at their best. While you may think they're avoiding you, they really may be unable to talk and to really listen to you at this time. If now is not a good time, a range that should be scheduled within 24 hours. Also, use a little common sense. Don't ask for an appointment when you know for sure it's not a good time. Like, for example, when your spouse is walking out the door late for work and you want to share with them something that they did to upset you, it's not the time to ask, can I make an appointment to share with you right now? Find the time later on when things are calm. Couples who make appointments report they've experienced less blow-ups and they're able to have more connected conversations as they're prompted to be more focused when they're listening. To see how this difficult discussion resulted in a calm and connected conversation and how you too can achieve this for your relationship, get your copy of the Marriage Restoration Project program, the five-step action plan to saving your marriage.