 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, how to make him obsess about you and think about you like crazy. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can get seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is called Heart-Centered Radical Honesty. I'm direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. Cagely, I use expletives to enhance the sentence and if that's not your cup of tea, then I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. There's no certification for what I do. Quite frankly, this is mostly my opinions and perceptions around relationships. So I'm not here to suggest it's the gospel. However, if it does resonate with you, then take it for what it is from that place. All right, let's talk about how to make a man obsess about you and think about you like crazy. So when I saw this title elsewhere, I thought about this and let's think about someone who obsesses about you and thinks about you like crazy. Quite frankly, that's ridiculously unhealthy. That's ridiculously unhealthy. I mean, that's what stalkers do. That's what criminals do. So we don't necessarily want a man to obsess about you and think about you like crazy, right? I mean, from an unhealthy place. And certainly there are men out there that put women up on a pedestal and they oftentimes will treat a woman from that place of obsession or thinking about them like crazy because they literally those men have given their power away to a woman. And so their whole likelihood, their inner livelihood is based on whether or not that woman is loving on them. Ladies, you know about this because you oftentimes put men on a pedestal and if you've been following my channel for a while, you know, I talk about how women oftentimes give their power away to a man or in some cases they operate from a place of needing constant validation from a man, meaning I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. So when somebody puts you on a pedestal, they're literally shifting out of their own needs and desires and making it all about their partner. So then I started to think about the couples that I know and I happen to be blessed. I'm part of a community of friends that there's well over a couple hundred of us and there's probably at least 30 or 40 couples who I've interacted with broken bread with on a regular basis over the last four or five years. And these are these conscious aware couples. I see them as conscious aware. I call it my spiritual community. And these are the couples where the men and women are just great partners with one another. They're really great partners with one another. They have that juicy, delicious relationship I oftentimes talk about. Now, this is my projection possibly or my perception based on what I see. And however, I've broken bread with the men in the group on a number of times. In fact, we have a men's group and we've gotten together with at least 20 of us and in the last few years, I've been the single guy in the group at one time I was in relationship with someone and I talked to the men not too long ago but long ago about their relationships. And it made me think of why these men adore the women they're with or not so much why these men adore the women they're with why these relationships are so healthy and why they equally adore one another. They equally for lack of a better word obsess and think about one another. And again, I think of it in a healthy way. And it really came about from two reasons, two reasons. And now I wanna shift it back from the woman's perspective because what I gathered in this dynamic is first and foremost, the women chose emotionally healthy men. Let me repeat that the women chose emotionally healthy men. Now, if you watch my channel, I've shot videos about emotional maturity and what I've observed within these men that they literally ascribe to these five qualities of what I say as an emotionally mature men. There's more than five qualities. These quick and just really quickly, these are actions matching words. These men take personal responsibility for their choices. They're not in victim consciousness. They're in victor consciousness. They know how to fight there. And what I mean is they're not in their egoic self that has to be right. When there's conflict in the relationship, they listen to their partner's point of view and they accept their partner's point of view as being true for them. That's what I call fighting fair. Number four, they have empathy, genuine empathy. And empathy isn't simply I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I care about your feelings and I care about my own feelings. So these men are very much in touch with both their, we'll call it masculine and feminine. I look at these men as equally yoked inside of themselves within their masculine and feminine, we'll call it masculine and feminine energies for those of you. And most of you know how I feel about masculine and feminine energy. And that just simply means the capacity to give and to receive. And when a human being is equally yoked in their capacity to give and receive, they're actually in their empowered energy. Their empowered energy. And lastly, these are men who are transparent. What I mean to say is if something is up within the relationship, if it's material to the relationship, these men speak up. These men aren't closed off, they're not pulling away, they're not disappearing, they're not ghosting, they're actually active participants in the relationship. So I said earlier that these men are emotionally mature. In addition, and this is so hugely important, is that they are commitment ready and they expressed it right from the get-go. I'm gonna repeat that these men are commitment ready and they expressed it right from the get-go. In other words, it wasn't, I'm looking, I'm not only interested in the casual relationship or something superficial, these men actually wanted to lean into deeper intimacy with their partners. So first, it requires choosing this man who is emotionally mature. The challenge is for many of you is you don't know how to determine someone's emotional maturity earlier rather than later and what happens, you get attached to the wrong guy and then you're obsessing over the wrong guy. And that's not how you're going to have a man who's going to feel like you're both equally obsessing and thinking about you guys crazy from a healthy way. So it requires being a better investigator on your part, being a better detective in the early stages of dating. Now, here's the one thing I've observed within men and this is women as well. If two people are physically attracted to one another, in other words, you're each other's type, the man is physically attracted to you and your personalities clicked together and I made some notes here. Oh, your personalities clicked together and it's easy to spend time with you, a man is more likely to invest in you, that's man who is commitment ready because the commitment ready man wants a partner in his life. I'm gonna repeat that, that commitment ready man wants a partner in his life so he's gonna wanna spend regular time with you. If you follow my channel, you know the importance I talk about blendable lifestyles, blendable lifestyles. So if your lifestyles are actually equally blendable, he's gonna wanna spend time with you because he's attracted to your personality clicks and you're easy to be with. In fact, if I looked at these relationships, they all said the same thing, they happen rather easily. There wasn't a lot of friction in the beginning. In fact, because there was no friction, these women didn't have to watch videos about trying to understand why men ghost or why disappear because when you're with the right kind, these things don't happen. So really, I want you to lean into asking yourself early on in the dating process, does this guy feel good to be with? Because if he's coming on strong, if he's going over the top, he's oftentimes pursuing sex and not necessarily a fully committed relationship. I'm gonna repeat that. Men that come over the top on strong, they're oftentimes, especially from a physical perspective, they're seeking sexual connection but not necessarily partnership connection. The men who are relationship ready, it requires ladies for you to learn how to ask better questions. I'm gonna repeat that. You have to learn how to ask better questions and if you need help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call. That's what my private coaching is all about. So if you're ready to hire a coach, schedule that call with me. If you wanna learn how to vet for emotional maturity, if you wanna learn how to ask the right questions to determine if you two are truly compatible, then I highly recommend checking out a call with me. Now here's the bottom line, folks. Obsessing and thinking about someone crazy isn't healthy. Being excited, being enthusiastic, having a smile on your face, feeling like Cupid hit you in the butt because you feel, the man feels like he's found that special person. It's rare these days in the dating realm because for the most part, we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. So this is why it's a cluster fuck out there. I get it, you're frustrated. It's a mess because when two strangers meet, oftentimes they're not clicking, they're not vibing, there isn't attraction. And yet when there is mutual attraction, when your personalities click with one another, and it's easy to be able to get to spend time with one another, there's a good chance your relationship could turn into those juicy, delicious relationships I often talk about. Now that's also gonna require that you both share the same values and you have that chemistry that's so hugely important. I get it. At the end of the day, what matters most though, whether you meet a man or not, whether you're in a relationship or not, what's most important is your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-reliance. And this is why I'm such a big proponent of people doing the inner work, doing the inner work when they're on a break from a relationship. I'm gonna repeat that. They do the inner work while they're on a break. In other words, they've had a relationship that end, do the inner work. This is why I wrote my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? There's a link below. Highly recommend checking that. This is a book of personal development, self-help and spiritual work with an invitation to do this on a daily basis. Sadly, most human beings spend more time brushing their teeth, combing their hair, putting their shoes on and little or no time investing in their emotional well-being. And I don't mean getting manicures and getting your hair done in massages. That's self-care for sure. But I'm talking about emotional self-care. That means healing childhood wounds and traumas. As well as adult traumas. And this is why I continually recommend the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that oftentimes creates the behavior that makes us repellent to another human being or it makes us attract the wrong human being. I'm gonna repeat that. Oftentimes many of you are attracting the wrong human being because you haven't done the inner work to heal it. And then, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. So I'm here to say, if you wanna be in that juicy, delicious, healthy relationship, do the inner work first. Get a real good sense of both your giving and receiving within side of you. And that's what masculine and feminine simply is. It's both giving and receiving that yin yang sign where the one whole person is in their empowerment. I don't like the masculine feminine terminology because I prefer empowered self than putting a label that's typically associated with men and women because when we think of masculine, we think of men and we think of feminine, we think of women. And so I want you to be in your empowered state of being because this is how you're going to attract a partner that's going to, you're both equally gonna obsess and think about each other crazy from that healthy, juicy, delicious, romantic perspective and not that unhealthy stalking or putting someone up on a pedestal perspective. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? I please let me know by hitting that thumbs up. All right, we're gonna take questions in a second. In fact, a question did come in that I wanna share with you. So just for those of you that are both listening to the recording, this is the time I take questions from the live chat. So if you're in the live chat right now in a few minutes, write the word question, then post your question, write the word question and cap so it makes it easier for me to find, do this in a few minutes and then write your question out. It'll make it easier for me to lean into this. And if you're listening to the recording or the replay, you won't be able to do this. Also, if to make it easier if you purchase a super sticker or a super chat, all the funds go to a scholarship fund I've created to help people defray their cost on personal development. The fund is in the honor of my son Connor. There's a picture of him Connor right there. This is my son who passed away a few years ago and the scholarship fund is in his honor. And so I certainly would appreciate those super stickers and super chats. All right, we had a question come in before I got started. So I'm gonna post it right here and then we're gonna take questions. The question is, hold on a second. Jonathan, the man I dated for six months just broke up with me and I'm losing my mind help. Jonathan, the man I just had been dating for seven months just broke up with me and I'm losing my mind and I need help. You know, when I saw this question come in, I can totally feel this person's pain. I've been in a relationship where I cared about someone. I loved someone deeply and the relationship ended. And I felt like I was losing my mind. And in many cases, that's what it feels like when we deeply care for someone and they end the relationship for a variety of reasons. And it could just simply be there was a misalignment. It could be that that person wasn't ready for a fully committed relationship. It could be that he found someone else. Whatever the why, I wanna lean into something deeper today and talk about this because this is so hugely important to being in your empowered self. I'm gonna repeat that, to be in your empowered self. And so when I talk about self love, again in my book, what the heck is self love anyway? When I talk about self love, I'm talking about being in your empowered self that has nothing to do with masculine or feminine energy. It's about being in your individual sovereignty. So how do we get there when we've gone through a breakup? How do we get to that place? And I think of this just like grief. I think about this just like grief. And if any of you are familiar with the five stages of grief, there's denial, anger, depression, bargaining, or excuse me, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. As a matter of fact, it probably doesn't matter what order it is. In fact, it probably is not in order, it's all chaotic. And it occurred to me that when we're in a state of denial or shock, oftentimes that's what it feels like. And I started to think about grief, the grief of losing my son. When I think about that first moment, I got the phone call that he was not alive. I'll be candid with you, I mean I'm reflecting. I was in absolute shock over this. I literally, it was so funny how I operated. I didn't operate like you think a person would have. I was literally in shock. And as the days went on, I went to a space of anger, very angry. And in this particular case, Connor died of an accident and there's really no one to blame. So it wasn't like he committed suicide. It wasn't like a drunk driver hit them. It wasn't cancer where it could get angry at God or angry at a drunk driver. This was an accident. And so I went through a stage of, briefly went through a stage of anger. And what the next stage is bargaining. And this is where I started to think about this conversation this woman probably is going through because we're in bargaining. We're in a state of holding hope for the man. We're thinking, well, what can I do to shift this? What can I do to change? And certainly when Connor passed away, I was thinking, what can I go back in time to shift everything so it didn't happen? I went through that stage. And then there's the stage that is a depression. And in many cases for many women after a significant or a relationship that they cared about ends, they go into depression, which really manifests in being jadedness, jaded, lonely and kind of bitter towards the dating process in man. I'm gonna repeat that. Oftentimes people go become bitter and jaded towards men and the dating process. And this happens when even someone doesn't text you right away and all of a sudden it's Bumble's fault for all of the relationship frustration you might be feeling. By the way, my copy mug says, sometimes you forget you're awesome. So this is your reminder. I love this mug. This was a gift from one of you fans out there from YouTube, it came in my mailbox at my office. I'm so grateful. So thank you so much for that. But lastly is acceptance. And why I wanna talk about acceptance today is that many people thought they were very impressed. Or at least I've heard this from many people how I shifted to acceptance rather early when Connor passed away. And I think about this in romantic love because ultimately if someone ends the relationship we're oftentimes bargaining or trying to figure out, well, why, why, why? And then how can I change it? How can I change it? How can I change it? Why, why, why? Did I do something wrong? If I'd only done this, if I'd only done that. Folks, when Connor passed away I went to acceptance very early on. And I think it's because I've been doing a lot of personal development work ahead of time. And so there's two books I wanna talk about right now for those of you to read. And the first book is The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Why I love this book is that it teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head. Those voices that are angry and bitter and jaded and bargaining and holding hope and everything else. And then there's another book I'd like you all to lean into whether you're in a relationship or not I highly recommend reading The Surrender Experiment The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Because this is all about learning acceptance. Learning acceptance. And this is what I had to lean into when Connor passed away. And so for the person that wrote this message I invite you to start leaning into acceptance as part of being your regular life accepting that things are bad folks. Listen, many of you on here have lost loved ones. Some of you have lost children. Some of you have lost relationships. Some of us lost parents. There's a picture of my mom and dad and when my mom passed away it was rather easy to accept because she was 88 years old. She lived a good life. She, it's the natural order of things. But when we invest our heart in someone especially someone young like my son both my boys I should say it's hard to accept these because it goes against the natural order of things. And even a relationship and I'm here to invite everyone. One of the fundamental pieces of inner peace of self-love is learning to go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression very quickly so we can come to a place of acceptance because the reality is is you can talk. The ego, the insidious ego will try to come up with all kinds of ways to make us bad or make the other person bad. Let me repeat that. The unhealthy ego will find ways to make us bad or the other person bad. It doesn't matter the why he broke up or why she broke up. What matters most is your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence. Let me do it this way, okay? To leaning into that because that's what matters most. And when you can achieve a place of acceptance sooner rather than later you can get back on the horse. And I remember reading a quote that once said fall off a horse seven times, get up eight times or something like get back on eight times or something like that. And the point is we can be bitter or jaded at the process. And I said earlier, it's a cluster fuck out there, the dating process. I get it. And also what matters most is the relationship you have with yourself. So my invitation for this person is read these books, start to lean into your sovereignty, your empowered self and recognize it doesn't matter what happens. And I do encourage everybody, if you follow my channel to start to learn to choose better people in your life. And that starts with the very first phone call when you're getting ready to set up when a man or woman call each other to talk about going out on a date. Start asking better questions early on to see if you're actually a fit for one another so you can have that strength full relationship that's gonna last a lifetime. And I'm just gonna end on this note because everybody knows I talk about the relationship iceberg. The relationship iceberg, here it is. And on the top, the above the waterline is chemistry and attraction. And below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And as you start checking off the boxes that you share the same values that your lifestyles are blendable and you have emotional maturity, the waterline starts to drop, drop, drop and you feel greater and greater attraction for one another. And at some point that waterline is gonna go so far down that your relationship will be like a mountain. And when you've heard the story that men will move mountains, well, this is what it's all about. When you share the same values, you have blendable lifestyles and you have emotional maturity sparked with chemistry, you have a mountain of a relationship instead of the tip that most people focus on, which is chemistry. And that's what they're obsessing and chasing over is the least, well, the partially the most important thing in a relationship, but there's a lot more to compatibility than just chemistry. And just to end on this note for that person that wrote, I get your pain, I've been there and I invite you to do the personal development work so you can be stronger the next time you go back out there on a first or second date. All right, I hope that helped everyone, thanks so much. All right, time to take questions from the group. I know we have a lot of comments going right now. So, oh, Joy says, ego, edging God out, exactly. I saw a question earlier, bear, oh God, we have a lot of questions. Bear with me, I'm trying to find the one I saw first. Bear with me everyone, I'm talking, talking, talking. All right, Ms. M, question. Do you think a man would answer honestly on these questions about commitment on a first date if there's lust in the picture? Wow, that's a great question. I have to think about that. Well, a man answer honestly. Well, people oftentimes lie to themselves. I know in the early stages when I went through my divorce and I wanted to be in relationship with someone, even though I wasn't ready, I was oftentimes lying to myself. So the problem is about the questions. The question isn't, well, one example of a question that I share with many of you is to ask a man, what does commitment look like for you? I'm gonna repeat that. What does commitment look like for you? That's a great question to ask. The deeper questions actually requires going through my program, my boot camp called shortcut to Mr. Right. Again, schedule a discovery call with me if you're ready to learn how to vet for emotional maturity. That's something I teach in my private coaching. Folks, you gotta hire me if you wanna get the deeper questions because it's through those deeper questions that are actually, they're specific to you. These deeper questions are a reflection of you and the understanding of human behavior. So I can definitely teach you that if that's something you'd like to learn. I love this question, but because it is through those questions, you can get honest answers. We had a post last week about how to tell if someone is lying and you can tell by the way they move their eyes one way or the other way and body language and that sort of thing. You can tell when a person is misleading, but ultimately it's asking those deeper questions and again, I would suggest hiring me if you'd like to learn those deeper questions. So thank you so much for asking and I certainly will be able to help you for those that reach out to me on for private coaching. All right, let's keep going, let's keep going. LOL, I hope you don't mind if I steal your lying clusterfuck. Hee-hee, always put a smile on my face when I hear you say it, thank you. All right, Rhonda writes, question. How do we get away from sex talk on the first meet when we wish to ask? When we wish to ask? When we wish to ask, okay. Well, if you wanna ask sex, by the way, sex is part of the equation. Learning fun, flirty techniques to deflect might be a good thing, just go, oh, that's so sweet. Let's talk about that when we're actually have gotten to know each other better. Here's the thing, when a person is overly pursuing sex, that's not an emotionally mature person that overly pursues sex. And I've, listen, I've been there, I've operated that way. It is very hard when the chemistry is off the charts for a person, especially for the guy, and we are in our libido and we're horny and you have add some alcohol, it's hard not to be driven by sex. I think an emotionally mature person is tempered by it. I'm gonna repeat that, it's tempered by it. I've noticed in the last few years I've been a little more tempered in this way. And so a person that's heavily pursuing sex is probably not a good candidate because is he, but ultimately you have to ask yourself, is he really asking questions to get to know you from a friendship perspective or is it just more focused on the sex? Because listen, if it's 20% sex conversation, well, maybe not even that much, say 10% and 90% really getting to know you, that's someone I would invest in. If it's 90% sex conversation and barely enough to get to know you, my suggestion is pass on those guys. That's my invitation for you, but listen, I've known people I've had sex on the first date and they've been married 30 years and I've had people that waited to get married to have sex in their relationship, bombed in three months. So go figure. Great question, Rhonda, thank you so much. All right, all right. If you have a question, post the word question and then write it out. Okay, Monica or Monique, excuse me. Question, John, I'm Jonathan, but I get it. Question, John, I'm 53 looking forward to that special person. I have a disability that affects my mobility. I'm independent, but no longer drive. When do I disclose my situation? Love your energy, thank you so much. That's a great question. So I think it's important to be, if something is material to another human being, I think it's important to discuss it certainly. And this is where it gets tricky. Imagine if you had a venereal disease, imagine if you had AIDS, these are very tricky things. So I would prefer that you spend some time on the phone getting to know each other a little bit and do this over the telephone because this is just one perception. I'm not suggesting this is the right way, but ultimately, quite frankly, well, listen, I've worked with a woman who was in a wheelchair. I've worked with a woman that had multiple sclerosis. And so there might, I'm assuming maybe it's one of those situations and they have found love. They actually, it's because they disclosed it upfront to the person and the wrong person ran away, or I don't want to say ran away doesn't sound fair. That person didn't feel like it was a right fit for him. Imagine if a guy likes to climb mountains and likes to go hiking with his partner and likes to go skiing with his partner. Being with a person that can't be mobile wouldn't be a good fit for someone like that. So I think it's important to bring it up sooner rather than later because guess what? It's gonna come out anyway. And you might be surprised by, yeah, it's funny. Not a little while back, I was having a conversation with a woman and something happened in our text exchange. And I kept silent on it until we actually talked on the phone and I brought it up. And I talked about it with her before we met because I thought maybe this was a red flag. I'm gonna repeat that. She said something that triggered me that felt like a red flag. And I brought it up to her and it's so funny because it turned out to be nothing. It turned out to be nothing. Folks, I'm a big proponent. Speak your truth, do it with kindness. Remember my book, chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. Because in chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So Monique, when you say, when you speak your truth from your heart, the right person is not gonna be affected by it. Only the wrong person. I do believe it'd be best to meet people organically because then they visually see where you're at. But then again, nowadays, most people are meeting through the internet these days, online connections. So whether it is an online connection organically, I believe speaking up sooner rather than later is my invitation for you. Thank you so much for that question. All right, we are rockin' and rollin' on a Friday. All right, Brenna writes, question, I have a first date in a few hours. Best question to slip into the conversation to attest emotional maturity. So I like to ask the question, how fucked up are you? I'm just kidding. But to some degree, I like to ask questions that are kind of shocking to people. I'd actually say, how fucked up are you? In a joking manner. And you can preface it by saying, look, I do personal development work and I study human behavior and I have been aware now of childhood wounds and traumas. So I like this question, but by the way, I'm not married to it, so folks just go with me here. But I like to be a little bit humorous, but I've said this to women right from the get-go. So tell me how fucked up you are. Now that might piss off. By the way, that might piss someone off. That's a great sign. They're not emotionally mature for me. If someone gets angry over a humorous little how fucked up are you, then they're probably our personalities aren't a click. So Brenda, you're gonna have to decide what fits in your personality. That fits within my personality. You have to figure out a question that's kind of asking a probing question based on your personality. If you're willing to be bold like I am, again, how someone responds speaks volumes to me of either whether or not we're a click or if they're emotionally mature. So I hope that helps with you. Thank you so much, great question. And I hope that one helps for you. All right, and it's Brenda, thank you. All right, so natural beauty rights. How do you break and disconnect yourself from a soul tie after a breakup? How do you disconnect yourself from a soul tie? So I'm assuming you mean soul mate or even the idea of a twin flame. How do you disconnect yourself? I don't believe in disconnecting yourself. I believe in actually leaning into your self-love. Again, my book, what the heck is self-love anyway just to begin part of the journey? There's so many, folks, you know, I recommend book after book after book after book. I believe in doing a deep dive into personal development. I'm a big proponent of Joe Dispenza, for example. I'm a big proponent of Wayne Dyer, of Abraham Hicks, of Marianne Williamson. I highly recommend reading Marianne Williamson's book, Return to Love, because that's what's missing is when you're disconnected, we are disconnected from our heart. It's as if our heart just stopped. And if we want to start our heart back up, we have to resuscitate it. So the best way to resuscitate our heart is with love. Love for self, love for humanity, love for the person that even ended it. Because when you can lean into loving another human being, even though you may not want to, you connect solely to your divine self, your inner spirit. This isn't masculine or feminine energy. This is empowered energy. And that's my invitation for you. Hope that helps. Thank you so much, Natural Beauty. Great question. All right, we are rockin' and rollin' today. By the way, I notice we have a super sticker here. Thank you so much from Patricia. Thank you so much. By the way, folks, if this is resonating with you, purchase a super sticker, purchase a super chat. This lets me know I'm providing value to you. Please let me know I'm making a difference in your life by doing so. Thank you so much. All right. CB says breakups are essentially hard because they also trigger old childhood wounds. Yes, come back to this book. Actually, you know what I wanna talk about another book? Personhood. Personhood, the art of being fully human. This is an amazing book to connect with your heart, folks. Listen, I'm not trying to sell you on some gigantic program because everything is in these great books. I highly recommend reading the four agreements, the four agreements to connect with yourself. All of these books I'm talking about allow you to connect with your inner spirit because that's oftentimes what's happened when we are triggered or disconnected is we are disconnected from our divine self, our self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, our self-love. The more work we do. Listen, folks, I talked about Connor earlier. It wasn't easy to be able to accept it. It was not easy. And I mean, I have, oh, I'm shaking right now. I have pain on a regular basis. How I navigate this is I know he would want me to be happy. I'll repeat that. I know he would want me to be happy. So in his honor, I choose life in his honor to love on myself. He was the inspiration for this book. I started writing it two months after he passed away. Not just for me. I did it for all of you. And I'm smiling because my book is on top of Amazon on a regular basis in the top 10,000. I'm so grateful. And it's because of Connor's spirit that this happened. So in his tragedy, I was able to find something I didn't have before. And that's my own self-love. And I hope you can do the same for yourself. And doing the work gets you there. And that's my invitation for you. I did a lot of work before he passed away. I think that helped prepare me. Super sticker from Kari. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Big hugs to you. Thank you so much. Weijin says, I'm reading the second time the untethered soul returned to love after I broke up and stopped contacting him. Reading is a way to heal and self-love. Yes, yes, yes, yes. My armpit stains. All right. Kari says, totally agree, books help learn and heal. Also exercises, getting outside, being active. Yes, those are all part of those things. Folks, I've done close to 3,000 hours of personal development workshops, trainings, videos, books, not to mention the 20,000 hours of coaching I've had as a dating and relationship coach. And I don't share this to impress you. I just want to impress upon you is that I don't take this lightly. I'm a big proponent of doing the work because listen, I've been, I was watching dating advice the other day about someone that was literally telling women to be absolutely submissive to a man and let a man control her because that's the worth of a woman. I was watching a man talk about that. And that just infuriates me. Folks, being submissive. I'm all in favor of two human beings being cooperative with one another. I'm all in favor of being cooperative with one another and easy to be with. I'm a big proponent of that. What I don't like is dominant and submissive, maybe in the bedroom when you're fucking each other's brains out. And certainly when you're giving each other oral sex, one is in a dominant position and one is in a submissive position. And by the way, the only way to enjoy oral sex is to either be in a dominant or submissive position. I'm all in favor of that, okay? What I'm not in favor of giving your power away to another human being and how you're gonna get there is go to these workshops. There's online workshops all the time. There's trainings all the time. And give yourself 15 minutes to an hour a day. Most of you do this much work. I'm hoping that my channel wakes you up to doing the work because this is gonna prepare you for a juicy, delicious relationship that's totally gonna turn you on. All right, let's take a few more questions before we wrap up today. Bum, bum, bum. Ego, bum, bum, bum. All right, Marcy writes, question, what makes a man reach out to a woman with whom he knows he doesn't share the same values? By the way, I admire so much your honesty and transparency. Marcy, thank you so much, great question. So what makes a man do that? Typically they're horny. That's the main thing, why does a guy change? By the way, you're all guys, folks are all caught up on the fact that men are hunters, men are chasers, men pursue. Well, by the way, I want you to think about you're a total stranger, okay? You're a total stranger and he knows nothing about you on the first, second, or third date or knows very little about you. What is he pursuing if he is chasing you? Most of the time, the pursuit is sex. Now, unless you had a great telephone call or your personality's totally clicked on the first date, but if your values aren't the same, you couldn't have clicked together. So what's happening is the pursuit of sex. That's not, so I mean, by the way, do I really have to answer this question? Does it really matter why a guy does that? What matters most is what are you gonna do about it? By the way, folks, the why is bullshit most of the time. What matters most, and this is what drives me nuts about you women sometimes, and sorry for saying it this way, you sometimes are so hyper focused on the why instead of what you're gonna do about it. And then you make it all about all men instead of one specific man. And I got kind of frustrated right there, mainly because I'm here to say, folks, your self-empowerment is more important than why a guy does anything. Your choices of what you do forward is more important than why a guy does anything. So that's why I got a little frustrated with that. All right, we have a question from Marcy again. Oh, and thank you for the $20. It looks like New Zealand, so thank you so much. Question, what makes a man reaching out to a woman with whom, oh, you just paid me for that. So thank you so much. I hope I answered your question. Thank you so much. All right. Catherine wrote, thank God Connor's life and gift to us all. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now I'm crying. Connor, sweetheart, I had no idea what your passing would have done for me. It broke my heart open. And you have made such a difference in so many people's lives, Connor, because of the, through you, through me, excuse me, I'm doing this work for you. I love you, sweetheart. V-Star writes, question, how do you have an interesting initial text conversation on Bumble when you have to start the conversation with a man? Love this question, my favorite. Oh, I love this question after I wipe away the tears. I have an acronym for everybody. The acronym is called NICE, N-I-C-E, NICE. Okay, the N stands for his name. On Bumble, everybody, look at folks, if you're not used to Bumble, Bumble is that app. Bumble's the app right there. Up, there's a picture of a woman right there on Bumble. There's my profile. There's my profile. All right, so first, and it has my name. So when you write each other, you have each other's name. So the N stands for name. The I stands for inquisitive, ask a question. So for example, on my profile, look it. There's the books that I like to read. There's the books I like to read, see? So the question might be, wow, you have a great collection of books. Which is your favorite? Great question. The C stands for compliments. Wow, you're easy on the eyes. Wow, you're a handsome guy. Throw in a compliment. We men get zero compliments in a day. So if you throw out a compliment, that excites us. Even the emotionally unavailable man that excites. And the E stands for enthusiasm. Throw in an emoji, or it could be emoji. Throw in a happy face emoji. Name, inquisitive, compliment, enthusiasm. It's called nice. So when you're being nice to a guy, you're gonna set yourself up for success right from the get-go. And find out if he does the same for you. Love this question. All right, folks, we're gonna be wrapping up with our next question. So, bum, bum, bum. Oh, that was the question we just had, sorry. All right, this will be our last question for the night. Question, Jonathan, do you have sisters and if so, do they listen to you and follow your advice? So my sister is Sarah. She's nine years older than me. I would have had a brother, but he passed away at childbirth, or stillborn my mother had. So my sister, she's been married, my sister's been married three times, four times maybe. She's had a tough life. In fact, she's with my father right now in Istanbul, Turkey. She's visiting him. My father moved to Turkey after my mother passed away. And she loved my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, but like many siblings, I don't see, my siblings and I are three completely different people. We are each completely different. I was raised very egoic and was very motivated through power. And I mean financial power. I was the one who was the driver from that perspective of our family. My brother was the happy one and my sister is the caretaker. So we each come to the table, three different people. We love each other very much, but we are different people. I do talk a little bit about this stuff. My sister has her own spiritual path and she follows to a different drummer. And I don't try to encourage her in any way to shift from her path. Everybody has their own path. I align myself with people who are following my path and my invitation is to choose people who are aligned to who you are and what you want. So in the case of my sister, we're just on different paths but we're close to one another. She's the caretaker of the family. I'm the new patriarch of the family and my brother is the happy glue that makes us all happy together. So I really appreciate that question, Bridge. Thank you so much. And this will be a great place to wrap up for today. It's Friday night, everybody. Go out and enjoy yourself. That's what I'm gonna go do right now. Who knows? I might get lucky and fall in love out there. And my hope is every one of you find someone special in your life so they can obsess and think about you crazy because you're doing it together from a healthy, empowered way and not from that unhealthy way that many people do. All right, I've hope I provided that. If I have purchased a super sticker, super chat before we wrap up today, that would really mean a lot to me as always, if you find value in this, check out the link to schedule a discovery call with me. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out my podcast called The What Would Love Do podcast. Check out the books that I recommend. I hope I'm making a difference in your life. And if I am, please let me know by hitting that like button or posting a comment. All right, I'm gonna wrap up as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now, bye-bye.