 Are you an every-way woman? Every-way woman, so a lot of people in my generation are wondering, will you really need to get married anymore? You're married, Amber. You think so? Yes, I'm married and I love it. If you can go back, you do it all over again. Madden, say that. I'm married. Marriage can be very difficult. It's a work in progress. But I enjoy it. And so if I could wait a little bit longer to get married, I would. Why? What do you think that would have changed? I think I could have maybe dated more, had those experience, or dating, and just kind of seeing my options and different things out there, instead of just saying, oh, man, you followed me to California. Let's get married and start a family. I would be inclined to say no, that you don't have to be married unless you're planning on having children. But I was talking to a woman, a very successful woman, who was in a relationship, then they had been together for, they might as well have been married, 12, 13, 14 years. And then one day, they just walked away. They just walked away from each other. And she went back and she said, you know, at the time I thought I was doing the right thing because I just thought we fell out of love. But then when I look back and I'm thinking, you know how sometimes couples grow in and out of love and when you're married, you're kind of forced to deal with that? And then you have to make a hard decision. And she said, if she had waited it out a couple years or so, they probably would have stayed together because they're still friends. They talked to each other. It was interesting. I have a friend whose parents got divorced and then I got remarried because they did have that. I had been flowing their relationship and they found their way back to each other. It was really beautiful story. But you know, even my ex-boyfriend, I really wanted to get married. You know, I grew up in the Midwest. It was always a big dream of mine. I dreamed of the wedding and he didn't really want to get married. He said, you know, I really like our relationships and I would do a ceremony. But I don't think I believe in legally having to get married. I don't know how I feel about that. I think for me, it's always been. And I never wanted to get married. Because you're in Latina. They wanted to call clean to the dinners. I've been proposed to more than one. But, okay, but now I actually do want to get married. Okay, wait. I want to go back to the like, you've been proposed to more than once. Okay, so I have been waiting. I'm saying version of our budget for people. Different people. Oh wow. My whole life kind of dreamed of this moment. And I cannot believe that this girl, not Shalami says that it's happened to me more than once. Because I had goals. But now I feel like I'm achieving it. And now I feel like. Did you say no? Wait, did you say no? I even threw the ring in. That's it. You said no? Right, she said no cracker jabbings. No cracker jabbings. That's another topic. Wait, I don't want to. No! I got it like that. Now it's like, I feel like I do want to get married. I do look at, not obviously with the first one I come. Right. But I'm not that picky. So wait, you know what I mean now. See, I'm the one, I definitely do want to get married. I know that in, my family is from the South. And I know in a lot of Southern traditions, there's a lot of women who will be a 20 year girlfriend and like, that is not for me. I am not doing it. And, you know, so, and my parents were married 35 years till death. Did they part? And so I want that for my life. Now I'm not going to settle for just any old body. But. So how long are you going to be in a relationship before you say, make it or break it? We're doing this or not. Well, you know what, quite frankly, given recent events, my answer on that has changed because I was, you know, I just broke up with someone of four years because he, you know, we were at the pooper get off the plot and he wouldn't get off the plot. I said, okay, well, I will. I think it doesn't take four years to get to know somebody. Oh, no, it takes more than four years to get to know somebody. But you know what, that's, it doesn't take four years to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Because I think the most, the most, you know, basic parts of who you are have been revealed at that point. So it's like either you know or you don't. And was it heartbroken? No, because I was the one who initiated it. I saw the big picture. I saw the, you know, I saw the events unfolding or in this case, not unfolding. And it became apparent to me that this wasn't going to happen. So I just- To be like completely candid in this conversation and that kind of happened to me in my last relationship. And I thought I could get him to love me again or love me more or want that because he wasn't at that point in the relationship. And I was. And I thought, I don't know, maybe if I do something differently, I could get him to love me even more. And it didn't work. And for me, that really crushed me. Let me tell you, you can't make a man of it. Yeah. And the first time you- The first time you did that. They smell desperation. You won't forget it again. But I don't want, I don't think it was desperate. I just want, maybe it was. I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. But just hear yourself, say that again. What can I do to make him want to love me again? That sounds, yeah. Usually the first time you learn that lesson that you can't make somebody do something they're not going to, you can't make them love you. Either they do or they don't. The first time you learned that lesson, you typically don't forget it though. All right, I haven't forgotten my lesson. Let's just- I heard it, I'm not doing it again. She's it. She's it. She's it. Therapy. I have a, I know somebody. Wanting somebody to like love us. And really we need to take that time to just kind of love ourselves and reconnect with ourselves. Well, you're taking that time right now. I am. I am. But at the same time, when I wanted to make, I'm really scared to have that relationship that my parents had. Like, you know, they're not together no more. They were together for 25 years. And I'm scared to give somebody- Right. They got divorced. But it just, it gets me scared to go for somebody like, like how my dad was. I mean, as much as I love him, you know, the actions that he made, which is kind of hard to say it here, it just breaks me. And I don't want to find myself a guy like that. Right. You will. You know what? We're all men like that. You know? You're different. You know who you are and your mom is who you are. You're not her. You're just a piece of what she has. I'm a lot like her though. You're invested in. She's a piece of what you've been invested into. But you're not that way. But it's the whole investing. You've been investing that much and then just, you just break up a family. No, yeah, no, I get it. I get it. I totally get it. It was really hard for me. I felt like a failure. I felt a lot of, and also because it wasn't accepted by my family and by his family. I mean, they all think I'm evil. But, moving forward, you know, I'm dating someone now I think is a really great guy. I mean, it's relatively new. But I get, I think about that. Do I want to get married again? Is it necessary for me to be married again? Do I have to, do we have to make that legal commitment to each other? And I thought, no, I never want to do it again. But someone had said to me. Let's continue the conversation when we get back. Stay with us. We'll be right back. Welcome back. I want to continue the conversation, Madison, you're saying. So what I was saying is that I was telling this to another divorcee. And I said, no, I never want to get married again, but I'm dating someone I think is really great. And I don't think he wants to either. And she kind of took a step back and said, why? Why would you not expect that he have some kind of legal responsibility for you to make sure that you're taking care of when you get older, when you're not, when we're time has come and why wouldn't he expect that from you? So it gave me a different perspective on that as well. There is that legal thing. Who's taking care of who? In 2008, when the economy crashed, a lot of families crashed as well because they were both legally responsible for each other and on each other's credits. When one lost their job and went bankrupt, it hurt the entire family. I mean, is that a reason to possibly avoid legally getting married? I think some people use that as a reason, but ultimately, if you're a team, you're a team. And it- That's the truth. Yeah. My credit got messed up with mine, so. I never liked that before I got married. She was saved through marriage. Probably, yes. Well, I wanted to talk about, in kind of moving onto a new week, being a stay-at-home mom. And I know you were a stay-at-home mom for some years, weren't you? Yes, for a long time. For a long time, how long? Probably still a stay-at-home. For about eight years. Is that what you wanted to do when you became a mother? No. I think I wanted the whole career. I wanted to be in DC, listening to jazz music, drinking wine, laughing. Ha-ha-ha. And I didn't get that. I got married, and I had a life when I had my daughter and fell in love with her and the whole family thing, but I still strive for my career. But now it's more like, okay, it was so important. This is so crazy. I took her to school. I was working for a fashion designer, and I took her to school, and when you work, do fashion is overnight, it's long hours. And I took her to school, I picked her up, and she could sit up. And they were like, oh, Miss Love, she has one tooth. And I was like, who are you? And I took her out of school, quit the job and everything. I was like, wow, and I'm like, why are you here? I'm so happy to have you. Cheryl, do you think when you become a mom, that you would sideline your career? Sure, I was anti-kids. What did you do? I'm glad you're able to. I'm sure I'll walk the baby. I know that I'm gonna love mine, but I grew up in a household where I had a working mother. And quite frankly, I spent a lot of time on my education. I spent a lot of time in the workplace trying to build myself a career. I'm not willing to have done all of that in vain. I have goals that I want to accomplish. I don't think that would ever be in vain because it's made you thrive. You know what, that's true, but then how do I demonstrate to my little girls, you know, my little girls, you might have a kind of, and how do I demonstrate to my son, the kind of woman that he should be striving to try to meet, someone who is driven, someone who has goals and stuff. However, I want you to keep in mind that one of the things that you're doing when you have children is you are raising a person. That's right, yes. And who are you putting in charge of raising your person, your people, if you aren't there? Well, you know what, that's something I'm gonna have to face. Absolutely. That's a sacrifice, no one's gonna pay. Because for me, I mean, yes, I'm a working mom, but it's not my ideal. I firmly believe that children need their mothers and their fathers, but they need their mothers primarily, right, nature designed that way. Until about five or six. Not saying that you can't ever go back to having a career, but there is a certain point where there are informative viewers are there. And I have guilt. I have guilt about putting my kids into care of someone else's care, because they are learning somebody else's values. They are learning somebody else's habits. And you know what, I'm really grateful, she did, because we have such an unbreakable bond. But even then I thought, well, I want a career and maybe I'll let my mom kind of look after my kids. And the older I get, I think, like you're saying Madison, I want to be the one who helps guide that little person who sees, you know, the world. But I enjoy going to the PTA meetings. I enjoy knowing that I'm bringing cupcakes and I'm helping the class. And even though to my mom, she was like, why are you doing that? I would give it up any day. And I still do it now. I still, every job that I do find that I do try to work at, I still try to make sure that I have time for my children. I had a working mom. So she was, you know, working, both parents were working. But for me, like, I just don't want to change diapers. You know what? I mean, you're gonna pay somebody for that. In another thing, in another thing. I don't mind changing diapers, but I'm sorry. I need intellectual stimulation and trying and just trying to trim. Hang on, hang on a minute. I'm gonna go crazy, okay? No, no, no. You can read a book. At the end of the day. You can read a book, adult conversation. You know? But you have a partner. You have a partner, right? But you are. This isn't necessarily one thing. One thing is you don't want to find yours. No, no, not saying that. But, you know, if your career comes first, there's nothing wrong with choosing to have a career over having a family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We'll be right back with more Every Way Woman. Too pink, too purple, too much coral. How do you find that perfect red lipstick just for you? We'll find out next when we come back. Ladies, we all know that not every red lipstick is created equal. So Anna's here to help us figure out what we need to do to find that perfect shade. I'm like, no, no, red lips, the red lipstick. Oh my gosh. I like finding that little black dress. It's hard. And it's a necessity, but I can admit, I don't have a red lipstick. I'm too nervous to buy one every time I put it on. It's orange. When the average woman goes into the department store, what's the first thing you do? You go to the makeup, right? Makeup section. And then when you go to the makeup section, you end up buying the first thing you see. Try before you buy. You gotta try it on. Don't be afraid to ask the person behind that counter to help you. That's why they're there. Don't be afraid to say no, not today. Walk around with it, check it up. And what I like to do, exactly. Not only different brands, but different stores. So figure out that perfect shade. Then wear it to the drugstore and buy it $20 cheaper. I am happy you mentioned that. And that's one of the reasons I brought the brand that I actually brought. Because a lot of people can't spend those, what, $16 on a lipstick. I mean, let's be real. The average person, you wanna find a good deal. So we have NYX, and this is a matte red lipstick. So what I'm gonna go ahead and do is go ahead and put it on my hand. And I heard that this is actually a really great way to test it with your skin tone. Exactly. But what does skin tone even mean? Girl, that's a whole new different scientific nose. Exactly, I know sign test. I will explain it just because when it deals with skin tones, you have to look at your own skin tone because there's different undertones. But I don't even know what that means. People are like, you're blue, you're orange. There's different undertones, which is blue, yellow, and olive. So there's different undertones for different complexions, which are light, media, and dark complexion, you know? So like as for me, the texture of the lipstick is matte. So it's pretty dry. That's why I don't wanna put it on the model because it's a little bit harder you gotta put it through the tube. We wanna be clean. So this is pretty much how it looks. And what about our beautiful, lovely model, Madeline, today, in her skin tone? She has a little bit more of the yellow complexion, so I'm gonna go ahead and use the makeup brush. And again, we're using NYX. And... What color is that? It's 5'11". 5'11". But you know what? It's the only cranberry color that they have. It's actually one of my favorites. It's the one that I always wear, so people. Okay, so this one is not matte. So while I'm putting it on her, it's a little bit more shinier and a little bit more cranberry. It has almost like a satin finish to it. Yes, and it's beautiful for the medium undertone, medium complexion. And do you have to use the brush? Cause I just put it right on. If you're a makeup artist, yes, to be clean. But at the same time, if you're doing it on yourself, no, obviously you can use the tube, but it's just, you know, health, cleaning. Is it essential that I use a liner? You know, because when I put it on, it is all over the place. The liner is really good to go ahead and plump up your lips to make them look fuller. So you know what? Yeah, use a liner. For her, I'm not gonna use a liner because Sherry has beautiful lips. And how do I avoid that bleed? Because if I do wear a bright color, sometimes it ends up below my lip or above the lip. Okay, for that, you don't wanna use a shiny one. So for you, you should stick to the matte one. So the first one that I actually tried on. A matte one, please. So it won't bleed. Number one, that's the first trick. The second trick is use a liner for you. So it won't bleed. Okay. That's my trick to you. And there's just so many things you can do with red lips. Don't, you know, you don't want it boring. Don't keep it boring. So I have a little trick. What I like to do is just use any at home gloss or any, you know, cheap gloss that you find. You don't have, it doesn't have to be like a big brand. Can it be a clear gloss? Yes, it doesn't have to be colored. Right now, I'm using a pink one just because I want to. But I'm gonna go ahead and dip it into some red glitter. Oh, this is an arts and crafts project right here. You don't wanna eat it. Okay, so don't eat it. But what you're not a dinner rat, what you're gonna go ahead and do, it's probably for a photo shoot or a night out, party, don't party. Vegas. You look too young. But this is pretty much what I'm doing, which is just going, dipping it into, that and then putting it on her lips, which is just gives you a little bit more of a, you know, wilder side. Not keeping it so boring. Oh, that is wild. That is stunning. That is gonna make sure you leave your mark on any woman or glass, you know, which one is yours. But at the end of the night, do you have a secret on getting that lipstick off? A wipe, a wiping. Just a makeup wiping? A makeup wiping, definitely. Yeah, definitely, you wanna take that off. This is not already off by the end of the day. The whole glitter one, definitely a white beard, some makeup remover. Oh, thank you very much. You look lovely, Madeline. I will no longer be afraid of the red lipstick. More on Every Way Woman, stay tuned. Coming up next, More Every Way Woman. You know the number one medical reason that keeps women home from work? Stay tuned for Every Way Woman for the answer. Do you know the number one medical reason why women do not go to work on Monday? Today, Dr. Sherry Thomas is here with the answer. The answer is, bladder infections. If I had a bladder infection, I wouldn't tell anybody that. So where did they get that statistic from? Well, it turns out women get one or two bladder infections a year. And most of us drink a little bit more water and try to clear it ourselves. But some women just get recurrent infection after recurrent infection. And it keeps them out of work. And it is the number one cause of lost days for women, yes. So I'm not sure where they get the statistic, but yes, I agree with you. I wouldn't call them. Well, I thank you for that stat because I'm in human resources. So now when my staff comes in and they say they have the flu, it could be a bladder infection. Right. But it's important to follow up on that. So when you get your bladder infection, you may have an antibiotic at home and take it. But follow up with your doctor and get that urine culture to make sure the bladder infection went away. Well, even before we get, what are some of the symptoms? Oh, the symptoms are easy. Okay. Burning with urination, urgency, frequency. You may even try to urinate and nothing comes out or women may have blood in their urine. And that blood in the urine is a very big concern. If you're over 40, you want to run straight to your doctor and get that worked up to make sure it's just a bladder infection. Is there anything that I could do preventative? Because I've had them before and they are awful. Is there anything that I could do? Very simple and very inexpensive. And what is that? Drink eight glasses of water a day. Ah! Water's the solution to all that pain? Water, not alcohol, but water. And if you're menopausal, turns out using a little vaginal estrogen helps because it helps change the pH. All of us can eat a little bit more lactobacillus so we can do that in either Greek yogurt or just take some lactobacillus over the counter. And that helps give us friendly bacteria in our gut. Okay, okay. So I didn't drink the water. I have all the symptoms. I'm full-blown now and I have my antibiotics. Is there anything that I should be paying attention to while I have the bladder infection? So you have antibiotics and you're gonna take them. Yes, I do. So take your antibiotics and make sure that you take every one of them your doctor gave you and when you're done, follow up and get a culture to make sure it went away because that's where we get the recurrent infections. People don't take all their antibiotics or they don't follow up in a month or two later, they have it again. Well, it turns out that same infection was just suppressed but it's now brewing again. The other thing is when you're taking your antibiotics, if you're getting more sick, you can't keep down fluid, you're running a temperature. That's not just a bladder infection, that's a kidney infection and you need to get right into the emergency room hospital right away. When you get a kidney infection, that's serious. So a kidney infection is an extension of a bladder infection, you can't, is that how that works? Yes, so many times when we get urgency, frequency when we blow it off, oh, I'm tough, I'm a woman, I can survive that and then it brews for a while, we can actually get a kidney infection. So the kidney infection you wanna get on right away because that can be serious. Remember before antibiotics, that's how people died and that's how you lost a kidney because we couldn't treat it. So let's say I have a bladder infection, this happened to me before and the antibiotics are not working. Do I go back to my doctor and ask, we're dipping antibiotics, can I mix antibiotics? I'm gonna make it go away, you know? Well, you don't wanna be your own pharmacist and start mixing antibiotics. So immediately you start trying antibiotic within a day or two, you should start feeling better. If the day three you're not, call your doctor, get back in. A lot of times, as I am actually a urogynecologist, so I take care of a lot of them with recurrent bladder infections, I'll obtain a little bit of urine from you through the urethra to make sure the organism you're growing, we get the right antibiotic for that organism and that is so important. Okay, so the key is, one, to get to the doctor, two, to continue antibiotics because once I start feeling well and I do this all the time, I may have 30 pills in a bottle but by day, pill number 10, I'm feeling good and I'm like, oh, I don't need to take any more pills. That's not good, right? Right, because you don't wanna just suppress the organism if you wanna clear them up. You don't wanna have that infection a month later and then take what's left in the bottle and then two months from now, you have the worst infection that most antibiotics won't treat. Why are bladder infections so painful? Why are they, I mean, they hurt because it's an infection in the bladder and that's why we see blood sometimes. It's an infection that is irritating and the bladder just wants to get rid of the infection so it contraction prints. What else can cause a bladder infection besides what you've mentioned? Well, the common causes of a bladder infection are sexual activity, stress, and travel. So after sexual activity, get up, urinate, and drink a big glass of water. When you travel, make sure you're drinking lots of water and other things like spinning, wearing too tight of pants. You may just need to change those thongs for some granny underwear or better yet, go without. I hope they won't change the thongs for some granny's but I do, I do. Okay, so, and then after sexual activity, I should urinate and real quick, what if I can't urinate? What should I do with it? That's because you're not drinking enough water. Drink that big glass of water. Okay, you've helped me because now I know when my staff calls in that they, they have a bladder infection and they didn't want to tell me, they called it something else. Dr. Thomas, it was a pleasure, pleasure happening. Listen, you cannot take care of others unless you take care of yourself first. Stay tuned for more everyday women. Every Way Woman gives back to the community. Go to everywaywoman.com to find out how you can match our donations of undergarments for needy kids. Thanks for getting to know Every Way Woman. I'm an everyday woman, woman, woman In every way, yeah, yeah I'm living my life, living day by day