 Why 254 Imagine? Thank you, thank you. Like I said earlier, we are talking about dealing with rejection today. You have shared with me your personal experience and I would like you to share with our viewers so that they can feel like we are part of this. When this person says something, at least we can know how he got over it. So hello viewers to begin with. Thanks Eve for hosting me. It's a real thing. It's so important. I don't think any other person outside there should take it for granted. To begin with rejection is real. It's not a fiction. It's not a story. It's like a movie being acted. Untrained. Like I see people talking about Game of Thrones. It is trending. Rejection is real. Personal have gone through rejection. I would say so and so quote and quote. In my first ever and past relationship, my ex-girlfriend cheated on me severally. Severally? Severally. I don't know how would I school it or bracket it. Influence and some traces of immaturity. But at the end of the day it was a way of saying no. So you're saying that this person is doing this thing so that you can see that they don't want to be here? Sure. But it was after going through lots of painful experiences with her. Sacrificing a lot from my side. Just to at least show some kind of constant love and being part and parcel of their life. To some extent even defiring my own school semesters to be. But then at some point I could not. The reason why I came to realize maybe all those were happening repeatedly now then and again it was because she had realized that I loved her to an extent that I could not do without her. So that's a bad thing. You should not show someone that you love them too much. They might take advantage of that. I will tell you for a fact. It's a bad thing. It's a good thing to let them know that you love them so much. They take advantage of that. So the moment I came to realize that we were not welded together like we were not taken to some welding workshop and told that you and you have to stick together like some iron. I had to step up. Though before I had to step up I had to go through some unfortunate things in the process. I got myself drinking a lot from work to a club to a house, to my place. So this is after? Ya, this is after. To an extent that I was now not really picking a good line of life A, B and influence of alcohol. And putting it straight and hard like no feelings, no strings attached. Fun. Just for fun. And as a way of getting back. And as a way of getting back. As a way of avenging. And I came to realize that some of these people you tell no feelings, no strings attached. They get attached at the end of the day. Ya, they are human. Especially women who get attached so fast. Ya, so the moment you say no, no, no you hurt them. And remember, I have some other women that I respect in my life to begin with my mom, my sisters. So for some moment I came back and sat down and I thought like what if it was my sister being told fun. What if it was my mom somebody somewhere told fun back then. What if it was my daughter being told fun. So I came back to my senses and first of all re-evaluated myself my relationship with church and when I mentioned my relationship with church I mean my relationship with God. Then also met very awesome, beautiful understanding and working caring lady my late wife with whom really helped me a lot. I accepted this. So this is something you did willingly. Ya, I did willingly. Because of the path that you are taking you were saying that this is not going in the right direction. Yes, I came to realize that I am not paying anything back. I am not hurting her. She is happy where she is and there is nothing absolutely that is Ya, it's only causing ham to me. Ya, it's only causing ham to me. You never know when you drunk somebody can do anything and even in this from misquity you don't know what you can get out of that. You don't know what you can get out of that because in that status as well you don't raise them. So it's also not good to do things and influence anything that interferes with body reaction and the rest. So after considering that and considering the fact that understanding the fact that there is life beyond another person there is life beyond being rejected there is life beyond anything so to speak in the bracket of relationship I had to kick that basket and decide to move on. Ya, I had to bring back my life back and start doing one, two, three. So just a minute you said that this parcel was unfaithful. Were there any red flags that showed you that this parcel they are not in the same mindset like me. Yes, when you love someone when you truly love them it's so easy for you to identify and it's so easy for you to know that things are not working the way you expect or things are fishy. So yes, I was in a position to see red flags most immediately after four some bits of a break came in. Ya, I need a break. I need a break. Ya, I gave a break and then me seated there so stupidly with my cousin. We used to stay in Kasaranya. So my cousin could go out have fun with friends. I was in the house telling him, you know what my girlfriend only needs a break. We have no broken up. Me going out with you would lead me to some temptation so I'm not good. And it was like, you're so stupid, okay fine. Sit there, wait for your girl to come out. Wait for the one who is in a break. Ya, wait for your girl to come out of a break. To some extent even made it sound like she is out for some school break. You understand those breaks that were being done for bells and then people move for breaks Ya, so he stayed like faithful even in as much as she was in during the period for almost close to 8 months not knowing she had moved on. 8 months for a break. She had moved on. So me there, the guy had of me in the picture the guy freaked out because of some reasons that I wouldn't speak of. Then later on she came back. So when she came back I was like okay fine. I will assume everything nothing never happened. So we started from a new chapter new everything. You are in a break. So let me assume nothing really happened. So we got back. Getting back it was now real. It was messy. What you mean by messy? If you don't mind. I'm borrowing a frame a phrase from a senior tangula it was messy, dramatic and so chaotic. I would so to speak. What happened because that is when all these things happened. So when it was kind of long distance she was in Maseno main campus I was in Nairobi. But she used to come to Nairobi almost after each and every 3 or 2 weeks. So this is somebody I wouldn't say that it is because of the long distance she used to come. You can make long distances work in Nairobi. She used to come. So after that started seeing flags of mistrust unfaithfulness when she's around when I'm at work she's at home. When I get back home the phone is off. Why are you switching your phone off? I just don't want disturbance. I want to give attention. I thought I'm being made feel some small king. Okay. So at some point when you just assume you're going downstairs the shop and the rest to come back the phone is on working. You're like why flight mode when I'm in? I just don't want to keep on looking at the phone repeatedly. So then my friends back in Maseno I used to have couple of friends back in Maseno who schooled with her and they knew her they knew the thing that was between us. So they used to tell me like bro things are not okay. Things are not okay because of the things that they had seen. To them they were seeing it so evidently. She was taking advantage that I was not there and I could not see anything. So I was like you know what you're just a hater. So till one day I moved down there myself and I saw with my own eyes so that systemic thing had evidences. So I forgave in three instances not talking about them I'm one kind of a person who would find you doing something and I'm not giving any credit to myself but I'm just talking about what I am the person I am, who I am would find you doing something so nasty but I wouldn't talk about it with you. Then I would just keep quiet. It doesn't mean that I keep I file things so he actually deal with shitty things like I don't entertain stupidity we will talk about it and then it will end but when it comes to I don't keep it in mind at heart or something but when it comes to things like that cheating, being unfaithful and the rest I would see have my evidence I will not talk about it with you I will wait for you to start to bring it up to bring the conversation up because you are the one who was there you know the reason as to why you were there if there is anything that you lacked I want to hear it from you because I don't know why you were there it would not be sensible for me to start the conversation with you so I kept quiet all the way from asenu back to home I am going back I have already booked my ticket so I came back so the last instance that I could not for thom I organized she was a natural student son student so during long holiday she was like babe it will be a very long holiday I want you to help me get somewhere I would even do something and get some small penny like a job I went to my former high school because she could teach chemistry and mathematics I had a good rapport with the principal and the deputy so I talked to them and told them specifically this is my girlfriend coming here so when she went there she was given a good platform good reception and respect I remember the principal telling me himself that he introduced her in the staff room a girlfriend to a former former student so then she happened she went ahead again did her best and her thing with one of the tipis there so you see that was absolute lack of respect after being introduced so when I was called by the principal like I am getting disappointed and I feel like I am going to fail you I had to stop whatever thing I was doing I remember I was doing exams not exams but they were my last cuts of my final year in college so I had to stop doing the cut I talked to the teacher I went with him I will come and do the last cut please allow me, give me just two days I went back home sat my mum down they were also in good communication with your parents this is someone you have introduced to your parents someone I dated for close to 13 years okay that's a long time that's a really long time so when it was when it was over back at home came back to Nairobi then of course you can't just throw away like that 13 years that's a long time so the effects the feelings of being betrayed being respected being lied to being dishonest too they affected me and that rejection thing now came in is when I really entered picked up a bad line of frequent alcohol yeah but yes that is the best way you felt like this is the only way I can do this I could not we were not born killers I could not kill neither could I kill myself but I was like I cannot know not knowing not knowing not knowing tomorrow in the morning I was still wake up so sober and I would still remember and I would still go to work but then thinking of I cannot know but I thank God I later evaluated myself my relationship with him with God and I was through friends a few who really like helped me walk the talk and talk the walk and then I ended up like I had to change but it was a personal decision which was of so good status to me so could you like give us three things that you need to do so that you can deal with rejection from your experience okay, thing one before you told you you are loved by someone love yourself than the way they would love you love yourself than the way they would love you love yourself than even the way Satan himself would love God so when you depend on the way you claim because you know God loves you and you can't match his love with your love 20 years of love so one actually I would rewind a little bit first of all give God back the love that he deserves because he loves you so much he gives each and every day to be alive that is one thing two, love yourself extremely love yourself so that when I come to you and tells you I love you you just ponder on how you love yourself and you are like does he really match the way I love myself but not to such an extent that you become selfish because you know sometimes you might say love yourself but I love myself too much I cannot spend time with you like you being selfish now you know I want to be real with you the word selfish is so relative but some people deserve being selfish too I am okay yes selfish to some extent but not being over selfish we need to be selfish with ourselves and so I have talked of two things love yourself so much said that when somebody comes and tells you that they love you you don't feel like that is so strange that is so awesome you don't feel like that is something that would give you even a goosebump it's something you are common you are familiar to in the first place you love yourself and if you have a brother if you have a sister if you have a mother or a father somewhere love them love your brothers let them know that you love them let them know that you can be there for them actually it helps because some of these things that happen why people feel so awkward when rejected in the first place you thought that is the only person who loves you you are not loved by your brother you have never heard of any word from them like in our society the word love is so strange people only expect girlfriends and wives and boyfriends and husbands to tell them I love you when you tell your brother I love you it sounds weird but this is a very powerful message it just tells somebody I think about you I mind about you I have you in my prayers so I think it's high time we start like even letting our brothers and sisters know that we love them and our parents should love us because everything actually even that rejection thing everything enrutes back to parenting so it's so important to be loved by our first own blood family friends before we we think that when our girlfriends and boyfriends loves us and husbands loves us that is the only love that we have and so when we lose it then we feel everything is gone and so there is nothing left to live for but I think the reason why people feel that because maybe I was spending most of my time with this person like you invest so much so much of your of your time it's not even about money, it's about time who will I do these things with who will I call in the evening to ask how was your day who will I go out on a date or just a walk do you think it's a crime to call your sister or a brother it's not a crime it's not everybody has been through maybe just a bad breakup but personally what goes through my mind is who will I do these things I used to do with you okay the moment you lose them don't take it like rejection you lose that you know it's like you're losing a part of you you're losing a part of you I understand you deeply but then it is also good to understand the fact that this part of you it was not written in any verse of the Bible that you have to spend the rest of your life with them this part of you is someone who has been brought up with different routes of parenting all the way together and you've also been brought up differently and you are two grown ups who came together who thought that there is something a clique who thought that there is a line that they can pick up and understand each other ride along and spend a lot of time invested emotions invested interest, invested feelings invested everything that you can mention but the moment it's over the moment it's not there anymore just stop a little bit think of yourself you've lost a bit of you in fact not even not even 20% of you I would say you've just lost 10% at most of you so you have 90% you deserve a lot and you deserve to give the 90% that is remaining in you a lot more than the 10% that have gone so it is just way back going back to loving yourself first it revolves around that yes so we were atch to what is the third thing that you can do so that you can deal with rejection properly her friends her friends that you can share with her friends that you can call in the middle of night and call and tell them you know what this and that has happened her friends that you can even without knowing you stupidly open up to them and they would know that you are just about to do something which is not good you know I would call it in bracket stupidly open up to them because maybe in your own imagination there is something that you have said it will be a secret between me and me and myself and then you are with, I am with you you are my best friend then I find myself opening up and revealing the secret that I had promised to be part and parcel of me and me alone so I would call that stupidly open up but at the end of the day it shall have helped me because Utakwa in a position of realizing what I have mentioned maybe if you don't talk to me about it it will end somewhere but it will lead me into something bad so her friends like I would give you for an example the last instance that we had in Eldoret people have been talking on social media things articles have been written stories have been talked about truths lies and the rest but one thing that was so evident is that the guy in question was not having friends to share with the guy in question was just thinking that the only friend he had was IV and so the last friend that he had was the friend that conspired the best friend IV that conspired with him to do this sad thing so that is what I am saying it's so important to have friends it was last week that we were sharing with some of my friends who are former colleagues of mine who have my office for the other company Liamson suppliers one of them was telling me bro if I didn't really have the likes of one is called Bismarck the one is called Decon the one is called Arnold so Arnold was telling me that in the past if I didn't have the likes of Bismarck Decon, you and Gilbert I don't know but I think I could have done something stupid so having friends is so important you will share with them when you get into a relationship it's just the two of you have a life outside the relationship that would help when something stupid is happening maybe it had happened to me and you are my friend it has not happened to you any time even in the past so when it happens to you come share with me thinking that I would also pick it as a very strange thing and then I tell you come slow mami he is of it to Fahneka he is of it to Fahneka then you would be like I am not going through a very strange thing something that happens even my friend has gone through it so let me stick let me talk let me share with my friend I will get a leeway on how to go through this how friends that's insightful the three are so very important because you are running short of time just like you to advise the young people who are going through the same in a very few words I would talk of very few words that are really full of full of novels and stories and pages very many pages one before I talk of anything as an advice to the young to the young generation I want to give some insights a little bit if you don't mind if you allow me in a short time before you take any action against someone that you claim you ever loved think of the good moments you had with them before you think of hurting anybody picture them as your as your blood before you think of hurting any other person think of them as your daughter I always ask myself when the first incident and the second incident happened like one this guy has loaded the late Ivy because Ivy maybe being speculated that took some money from him and so he felt like after his money had been taken and he was not given a platform to share with Ivy the birthday thing and the rest was a crime enough for a judgment of killing the other dude sent money was sent back the money like I really don't need it and I felt like who are you to send me back my money I have sent you money who are you to send me back my money and then went ahead did the thing it's so stupid actually insensitive and I don't know the right word to use so before you act on anybody mischievously think this way your mum was once a lady in the process of meeting your dad she might have picked fair from other men she might have taken some money from other men she might have hurt other people and hurt who she might have been hurt in equal measure what if your mum could have been slaughtered or what if your mum could have slaughtered somebody you could have happened to be your dad you couldn't have been there 2. your sister what if it was your sister that somebody could have gone and slaughtered like that it's all hurting think of your sister think of it this way again your daughter kwa kutu mahali una pigiwa si mujo mischa na waka me changewa just oregani how could you have felt it's so sad it goes both ways let us not forget about that it goes both ways now remember we are running short of time i wish we could have enough time first we have to teach our kids to get to know that there is rejection and it is part and parcel of life and it is a trending movie just like any other movie that they normally watch with the pashon and it is not only rejection and it is not only rejection rejection at work rejection in the office rejection in the streets everywhere in life there is rejection and we have to emulate that as part and parcel of our life so it is not something strange even Jesus Christ was rejected by his own disciple Judas is carried and even at his home and that is why Judas ended up betraying him you can't betray somebody before rejecting them you reject and betray so we have to accept that 2. i wish but we have to also teach our kids i am a parent i deserve all the rights to teach our kids we have to teach our kids that moral behaviors are not bought in any shop and they are not expensive it is just all about respecting God and then sticking into that line and the most important thing we need to love ourselves and before we think of any mischievous thing think of why has God given me another chance to see the light of the day let me just go to church give him thanks and love myself and i think the most important thing is also concentrating on ourselves and minding our businesses and to ladies in my life i have come to realize people have different experiences but i have come to realize that the different women ladies who would spend with you good time without you feeling like you have been wasted there is one who would go for lunch with you i am giving you 2 seconds 2 seconds you spend 5 from there salon from there local pub 5k and then you end up at home and then you will not feel like they have it in your money you have it in your money so you are part of it there is one who would feel like if you don't give money at home and then they get out look for you on radio jambo after one year and there is one who would be there to build you choose wisely and again men also vice versa not only ladies we just choose wisely don't cut a coat which is oversized know your chest know your waist know your bicep know your full length know everything then go for the coat so thank you so much for your insight that's very insightful first of all get back to God second of all love yourself and that of all have friends to share your experiences with don't do this thing alone that is basically what he had to say and just in case you those are the best ways to deal with rejection so make sure to catch us right up next on e-sacutes with myself Mike and DJ Russian don't you go anywhere