 Stand by for crime Chuck Morgan again You know being a newscaster in a radio station the size of KLP puts me in line to meet a lot of people Statistic show that there are more than five million act of criminals in the USA These include the sneaking small-time petty thieves and the big-time operators who had a murder incorporated They also include the racketeers that group of sadistic unscrupulous parasites who pray upon the weak the innocent the honest citizen My way of thinking they're the worst the ones we can best get along without Especially those who deal in human emotions Which is why when I reached my office last Thursday and found Carol Curtis my blonde secretary entertaining a stranger I Listened to her story and really got burned up. Have you been to the police about this mrs. Ellis? Yes, but what can they do? This woman is made Dawson. She claims to be our baby's natural mother She has a birth certificate to prove it you see Chuck mr. Mrs. Ellis adopted Betsy when she was only seven months old She's now six years Naturally, they think of her as their own. Oh, she is our own miss Curtis Why we love her more than than if I were her natural mother. What about the adoption agency? Well, they went out of business a year after we took Betsy It's a usual pattern if you people who adopt youngsters would only investigate these so-called a mrs. Ellis didn't come here to be lectured I'm sorry. She knows she's wrong, but that doesn't alter things She's in danger of losing her child and she wants to know if there isn't something you can do to prevent it I don't know what the police's hands are tied What about this made Dawson the child's natural mother? Well, she claims that after the child was born she was unable to support it So she left it with the adoption agency and she told them that as soon as she was able She'd come and get the baby and pay them for having kept it. Yeah, that follows Yeah, hello, Pappy come in This is mrs. Clara Ellis mrs. Ellis Pappy Mansfield owner of KLP. How do you do? Mrs. Ellis believes she's been victimized by one of those adoption agencies Pappy. Oh one of those, huh? Yeah, she's going to lose her baby Pappy unless someone does something about it, and I think Chuck should do it Chuck what can Chuck do? Well, he can at least talk to that woman. Now wait a minute glamour first Mrs. Ellis, have you said anything to this woman about money? I mean did you offer her some as she allowed you to keep the youngster? No, I was afraid to My husband's a tool and die worker mr. Morgan. He makes a comfortable living and we've saved $2,000 against Betsy's education If Mae Dawson took that 2,000 then she'd want more we'd be bled for the rest of our lives And if she didn't take the 2,000 then you'd have to assume that she was the child's natural mother And you don't want to think that right mrs. Ellis? Yes, that's right But whether she is or not she hasn't any rightful claim to Betsy Why the woman hasn't seen the child since she was seven months old now How could she possibly your mother instinct is getting the best of you glamour buzz You know that money angle might give us the answer we're looking for now Just what do you think you're going to do? Yes, just what do you think you're going to do? I hope well If the woman will offer some money a sizable amount and took it It would prove the whole thing's a racket and mr. and mrs. Ellis could keep their baby And if she didn't Chuck would be a sucker How much money were you thinking of offering Chuck? Oh say $20,000 well, that's a good neat figure. Hmm now just where are you going to get this tidy sum to offer the lady? Well, I'm happy. I'm surprised you're going to provide it, of course Well, it wasn't an easy job selling papi on the idea. He should risk $20,000 trying to expose what might or might not be one of the most vicious rackets in the books It was only half convinced that may Dawson didn't have a legitimate claim Especially since Clare Ellis had no proof whatever that may Dawson wasn't little Betsy's natural mother But papi that's what we want to find out if it's a racket then we want to know about it Why we're not in the racket busting business check. We're running a radio station. Why should we because when you run a radio station or a Newspaper or any other public service enterprise It's supposed to be devoted to the best interests of the people who support it and that's the public My my just listen to miss Curtis. No, look, this is what I have in mind Suppose I call on Mrs. Dawson. I'll represent myself as Mrs. Ellis's attorney I'll tell her the Ellis's are too upset to talk to her again I'll hint around and finally offer them $20,000 of my money. Oh Chuck. I knew you'd do something Mrs. Ellis you having a thing to worry about from now on Chuck will take care of that now wait a minute glamour post Let's not get Mrs. Ellis's hopes up. I can't promise a thing There's still a 50-50 chance of me Dawson is legitimate if she is there's nothing anybody can do She won't take my baby. Mr. Morgan. I don't care who she is. She won't take my baby. I'll kill her first The more I thought about this thing the more I wondered if I weren't being a sucker Even if after talking to me Dawson, I became convinced she was pulling a racket. What could I do about it? The whole thing didn't make sense Except that I kept thinking what a terrible tragedy it would be if Clark and Clara Ellis had their baby taken away from them Or if Mrs. Ellis carried out her threat to commit murder So it was with considerable misgivings that I rang the doorbell of an apartment in West Los Angeles Which is where may Dawson had told Clara Ellis. She was living Yes, hello you Mrs. Dawson. Yes, I'm Mrs. Dawson, but if you're no, I'm not selling anything Mrs. Dawson My name is Simpson. I'm an attorney employed by mr. Mrs. Clark Ellis. Oh, oh, yes, mr. Simpson. Won't you come in? Thank you Would you sit over here, please thank you very much I Hardly know what to say about this mr. Simpson I I know exactly how the Ellis's feel and I certainly don't blame them. I have a bell. Oh Company man. Oh Arnold. I'm glad you stayed home today. This is mr. Simpson. He's an attorney hired by the Ellis's And it isn't how you do I can guess why you're here mr. Simpson We both feel terrible about this probably as bad as the Ellis's but you are going through with it Well, you see the Simpson if you or the Ellis's could only see our side of the picture You see Arnold and I were married a year after I learned that the adoption agency had closed Our first baby died at three months The doctor told me I couldn't have any more It was the worst thing that ever happened to me For a long while I thought I'd never be normal again Well, didn't it occur to you and mr. Dawson to adopt a child? We talked about it, but Do you know how it feels to have a child of your own mr. Simpson and lose it no I'm afraid I don't I'm I'm not married May took it hard mr. Simpson. I kept her under a doctor's care for about 15 months Then one day I was going through some of her things and I came across Betsy's birth certificate. Oh, you uh, you Know about her first child then. Well, I knew she'd been married before but she never told me about the baby I was afraid of of what he'd think of me for abandoning Betsy And what did you think mr. Dawson? It's quite a blow But well, I love my wife very much mr. Simpson She was ill at the time and I sit me wasn't going to condemn her for something that wasn't her fault How long was it after that that you decided to claim Betsy not until last week I Had no idea where Betsy was living her whore foster parents were And then quite by chance. I met mr. Harrison mr. Harrison. Who's he mr. Harrison on the adoption agency where I'd left Betsy I Reminded him that he promised to keep Betsy for six months before letting her go and he reminded me that he had kept her for six months and one week And then that he only let her go because he decided to close the agency I see and he told you whether Ellis's could be found. Yes, he did Arnold and I talked it over and and then I decided to go see Betsy I Don't know what happened to me that day only suddenly. I simply had to have my baby Well, I think I can understand how you thought mrs. Dawson, but I can also understand mrs. Ellis's feelings, too By the way, I wonder if I can see that birth certificate. Yes, of course. I'll get it for you. Thank you Well Dawson got the birth certificate without hesitation. I took it over to the window where I could get a good look at it Now I'm no expert on birth certificate, but this one looked okay to me It had been recorded in a small town in Rhode Island properly signed and sealed Still there was something something I could put my finger on Maybe it was because the Dawson's had been too willing to let me see the paper Well stalling for time I turned the certificate over and back again pretending to be studying it But whatever it was that it hit me wouldn't gel When it certainly looks okay This is gonna be rough on the Ellis's Mrs. Dawson about adopting another baby. Have you Mr. Simpson? I just couldn't knowing that Betsy's my very own Yes, it's true, but she's mrs. Ellis's own tool. There's something else to consider too. Mr. Simpson It's expensive adopting babies these days expensive. Well, I don't know much about this business, but I understand There's always a certain amount of expense involved in such a procedure. There's legal work Physicians fees adoption fees while a dozen different items and all add up well on that event I'd like to make a suggestion if it's finances that bothers you. I'm sure the Ellis's will be glad Well, it's no use mr. Simpson. I Want my baby and I mean to have her darling. We can at least listen to mr. Simpson suggestion What are we going to say mr. Simpson simply this the Ellis's are willing to pay a sizable amount in order to be able to keep Betsy Enough in fact to defray all the cost of adopting another baby and to secure the child's future and your own Reconciliable period and what would that amount be? $20,000 20,000 oh, I don't know I don't care how large the amount is Can't you understand that it isn't money? I want it's my baby. I understand perfectly my dear But what could we do for Betsy when rather poor circumstances, you know And if we had our own baby with enough money to rear her properly Wouldn't it be best all around well it is worth considering mrs. Dawson and think of what you'd be doing for the Ellis I Know I I know But Betsy is mine my very own and it's she who I want. Oh, you're upset darling Believe me. I don't want you to think that I'm weighing money against your child But there's so many other factors to consider. I'll tell you what let's think it over and talk it over a little Before we give mr. Simpson all answer and be no harm in that All right fine. How's that satisfactory with you mr. Simpson? Say, oh well a day or maybe two or three days. Oh, of course. I'm sure the Dawson's to be agreeable here I'll give you my phone number where I can be reached So I scribbled my home number on the slip of paper and gave it on a Dawson Wondered if he check up the location and wondering also if he'd look up attorney Simpson in the city directory Then I remember to give him my first name. There must be a hundred or more attorneys named Simpson in the LA area But the way I had it figured Arnold wouldn't bother to check anything. He wanted to get his hands on that 20 grand Also, he wouldn't wait two or three days either. I Was right He called me that evening and said that he and his wife had decided to take the money and adopt another baby Well, I got down to the office early the next morning I found Papi and Carol waiting I called Papi the night before and told him what the score was and was therefore not surprised at the reception I got which wasn't promising. Are you crazy Chuck everything? You told us about your visit yesterday proves that the Dawson's aren't phony give me a for instance sure I'll give you a for instance good if they were working a racket. They'd ask for cash You told me last night. They were willing to accept a check I don't let him talk you out of it Chuckie boy. You keep out of this Carol I'm sorry. I'm not gonna let him talk me out of a glamour buzz these two are phonies working the smelliest racket I've ever known the reasonable Chuck agreeing to take a check they beat dope stas for cash Papi It'll be a dead giveaway. They're phonies. I can prove it. How number one They were too willing almost eager to have me examine that birth certificate Is that your proof number two? They asked for two days and took two hours before accepting the offer Boy Chuck Carol. I've already told you. I'm sorry Papi But Mrs. Ellis called me again last night and I don't care if the cleanest sheva called you last night I'm not going to four twenty thousand bucks down a rat hole just to hear the noise It'll number three. I saw something on that birth certificate that definitely proves it was fake. Yeah, what was it? I don't know now. That's a good answer You know it sounds like sounds like Chuck Morgan trying to be cute. I'm not kidding Papi The clue is on that birth certificate I'm sure of it, but I've got to get my hands on the certificate and study it again And the only way he can do that is to buy it with twenty thousand dollars Which means we expose the racket and have a whale of a story and mr. Mrs. Ellis will be happy again My twenty thousand bucks will be gone. I promise you it won't if it is you can take it out of my salary Take it out of your saddle while I know how many years it'll take I should live so long We are stopping so hard to get along with and open up that checkbook, please Okay, but just remind me to shoot myself directly after lunch. Will you hand me that pen? So happy wrote out the check for twenty thousand dollars with a trembling hand and an unhappy expression on his face And I took it and I got out of there before he changed his mind. I Started for West LA and then suddenly I changed my mind I thought it occurred to me a very bright thought indeed and instantly I felt better I put up at a drugstore phone Carol gave her some precise instructions Then I phoned bill Megs a police headquarters and asked him if he could meet me for a round of golf at the Burnside Country Club He couldn't did I told him the whole story. It was at the ninth hole where there's a water hazard Then I remembered what was on that birth certificate that made it a phony. I told bill about it, too He agreed. I had a case So bill and I had lunch we parted It was 255 when I finally pushed the doorbell of the Dawson apartment. Oh, hello Simpson come in. Thank you Mrs. Dawson's rather upset. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I I hope you're not going to change your mind Mrs. Dawson. I I don't know Every time I think of my own baby. No, no no no stop. This makes me feel like a kid napper Perhaps if I talk to mr. Mrs. Ellis, Mrs. Dawson, and I have made our decision mr. Simpson Let's get this over as quickly as possible Brought the check of course. Yes. I have it right here. Excellent. Now. I've prepared a paper relinquishing any claims We have on Betsy. We both signed it. Well, I'm not so much interested in such a paper as I am in that birth certificate Birth certificate mr. Simpson, of course without that any claims you might make would be worthless So I'm afraid I'll have to ask you for that certificate in exchange for this check Yes, of course I understand and I may yes, I'll get So many women to the other room after the birth certificate and sucker me didn't figure it out She came back at a minute later Here you are mr. Simpson, which was when I made my mistake. I turned and I Must have had a pair of breasts knuckles hidden in this pocket. Nothing else could have hit me harder or knocked me colder faster Time-bast I suppose it did. I was in no condition to check All I know is that when I could see again It wasn't anything to look at except a crack of light which apparently came from beneath the door Also, I was well trust up and the same old voodoo drum was beating its familiar tattoo inside my head I had a door open in the room beyond and it was another sound which was sweet sweet music Well, there's no one here, Papi. No, it looks like we're wasting our time. Let's get out of here Wait a minute, Papi listen Hey sounds like someone's in that closet It's Chuck. Well, so it is well fancy. Oh, happy stop being funny. He's hurt He had a chubby boy. Let me untie that gag Papi loosen the ropes sure sure Chuck what happened? Are you hurt? Don't touch my head. That's all just don't touch my head. Ah now there you are my boy Yeah, yours free as the wind again. Oh, thanks, Papi. Did they get away who the Dawson? Yeah, well, there's no one here but us so they must have you got the birth certificate of course No, but I remember what was on it that was phony. What was it before you answer that? There's just one question. Did they get the twenty thousand? Yes, but don't worry. I'm not that dumb What do you mean? You're not that dumb if they've got that check what stopped them from cashing it because I waited until almost three o'clock Before getting here. They couldn't get to the bank in time They'll have to wait until tomorrow morning to cast a check and we'll be on hand to greet them. Well, you idiot What do you mean you knuckle headed idiot? No, wait a minute everything occurs to you, but the right thing Huh? This is Friday and on Fridays the Los Angeles banks are open all day a Quick call to Papi's bank confirmed the fact that the Dawson's had been there and cast the check and a quick exit by me Prevented Papi from firing me on the spot 20,000 smackers I Began figuring how long it would take me to pay it back at the rate of 50 bucks a month But lost track when I became 70 years old after all I'm no Einstein Brother, I'd really pulled a boner this time When I went back to the office prepared to face the wrath of mr. Mansfield But luckily Papi wasn't in But good old glamour piss was waiting for me with a kind word and a cheerful smile Never mind. Checkie boy. Papi'll forget the whole thing as soon as he cools off Yeah, yeah, but it's gonna take more than my winning smile to cool him off $20,000 worth old fiddly D You know sure tomorrow. I'm gonna be saying it's been nice to have known Papi. Oh, don't be silly Look, I've got an idea that will make everyone feel better. Yeah, what's that? Well in the disappointment of failure all of us forgot the noble purpose of your event Please don't remind me now be able to keep their little Betsy and we haven't even told them, you know, you're right Listen, give them a ring. Well, wouldn't it be better if we went out and told them in person? Huh? After all, they'll be a good deal of satisfaction and seeing expressions on their faces and hearing their thanks $20,000 worth maybe and also it might be a good idea if you stayed out of Papi's site for a while Glamour piss you're a genius. Let's go So Glamour piss and I headed for the address that Clara Ellis had given us As we got near I found myself looking forward to this experience After all I hadn't failed my purpose not by a long shot The Ellis's were going to keep their child and by golly. That was worth 20 grand of anybody's money even Papi Mansfield The Ellis's lived in a white stucco apartment house halfway up a hill on Melrose Avenue east of Vermont They had a ground floor apartment with an outside entrance Carol rang the bell Hello, Mrs. Ellis remember us why it's mr. Morgan and Miss Curtis. Yes. How's Betsy, Mrs. Ellis Betsy. Oh, she's fine Just fine. Maybe come in a minute. We've got some good news for you. Well, I that is Could you make it some other time? Oh, you don't understand Mrs. Ellis? Our good news is about Betsy You don't have to worry anymore It was something wrong about this something very wrong Mrs. Ellis had suddenly lost her role of stricken mother and was either scared or mad. Why I Didn't have to spend much time trying to figure the answer to this one The answer appeared behind Mrs. Ellis the door to another room open and two people appeared one a man carrying a suitcase The man was Arnold Dawson and the woman may Dawson For about two seconds all five of us stood frozen in a state of shock And in that two seconds the whole dirty picture was revealed to me as clear as a newly washed window We've been taken in by one of the smoothest rackets I'd ever come across The Dawson's and Mrs. Ellis had conspired to extort $20,000 from happy Mansfield There wasn't any little Betsy or stricken parents or long-seeking mother was all a gag But it was a fact that they made a goat out of me that made me mad I not only saw red but all the other colors of the spectrum It didn't make any difference that at that moment Dawson dropped his suitcase and reached for a gun I went into that house like a charging bull It was over as quickly as that Dawson was down and out and I had his gun The two females had been too scared to move so now they didn't have a chance Get Bill Megs on the phone glamour bus if one of these stricken mothers makes a move I'll blast her from here to Sunday So that's how it was at a half hour later Carol and I were driving back to KLP to bring the glad tidings to Pappy Mansfield Pappy was alone in his office and Carol and I walked in Oh Hello Chuck you and I have got to have a talk but Pappy wait a minute When the glamour first, but Pappy have a say go on shoot Pappy. Well. I've been thinking about that $20,000 Yeah, I don't know Chuck. I guess I was a little hasty what well after all you did keep the elixirs from losing their I mean well that was your intention and I guess well, I guess that's worth 20,000 Now wait a minute wait a minute just a minute don't get the idea that I'm an easy mark I'm not one more dumbheaded deal like that. I love you. I not only love him. I'm going to kiss him to prove it Now look here Carol. I'm an old man. Pappy and an old man shouldn't be pouring 20,000 bucks down ratholes Just to hear the noise they make so Here's the bundle back again. What hey is that real holy smoke Chuck? What is this? $20,000 Pappy every time no thing was a frame Pappy. There wasn't any little bit or stricken mothers All three of them were in it together Chuck and I went out to tell Mrs. Ellis She wasn't going to lose her daughter and the Dawson's were there. We called Bill Megs and I retrieved the dolls Oh Chuck was wonderful. He licked them all of course two of them were women Well, I'll be no kidding Well, I'll be no kidding. Well now come on Pappy. You can think of something better to say than that. Sure. I can Well, I'll be no kid say Chuck. Yeah I hate to admit this But one of the reasons I didn't fire you was because I want to know how it was that you knew that birth certificate was phony Yeah, how about that? Miss Curtis? Mr. Mansfield under the circumstances. I'll be glad to tell you without undue delay I'll go ahead. Yeah, stop saying yeah glamour person doesn't lady like yeah Yeah, when I read the birth certificate, I took it to the window to get a good look I couldn't help noticing the watermark on the paper. It was dated 1950 Which meant that the paper was manufactured that year and since Betsy was supposed to be six years old Her birth certificate couldn't have been written on paper that wasn't made until three years after she was born get it? Well, I'll be no kidding. And so will I no kidding. Yeah, no kidding. Come here Glamour Puss