Written and performed by the notorious, the hilarious, the delirious Hannah Friedman
Maybe I should go watch TV
I could really use a brownie
God that makes me kinda horny
What the fuck is going wrong with me?
You know what? I should go get high
I think there's something in my eye
I think it's cancer. It's definitely cancer.
I looked it up on Web MD.
And it's malignant
Don't you tell me it's a figment
Of my own imagination
I know how to do research I went to fucking Yale.
And that's how I found out 9/11 was a calculated plot;
How no one knows how UFOs not Sirhan Sirhan fired that downward shot.
ADD and Fox TV and Nuclear Powered Energy, and Palin running for VP the rise of the Illuminati
It's all connected. What if it's all connected?
Like how JFK and Lincoln both had seven letter last names, and were both shot on a Friday with Colt revolvers, and how a week before he was shot Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland and JFK was in Marilyn Monroe...
Volcanoes. Aids. Zombies. Vampires. Nazis.
Sometimes when I was a little girl I used to hide inside my closet and see how quietly i could breath for how long. See if I could withstand the Nazis like Anne Frank, but usually it wasn't for very long because it turns out that the dark is scarier than the Nazis.... at least you can see the Nazis.
Sometimes I think about big existential transcendental things like do we have a purpose? And am I fulfilling that purpose?
I'm probably not fulfilling that purpose by sitting around watching digg.com and looking up amateur porn.
I saw this porn today that was sneeze porn.
Who the hell gets turned on by sneeze porn?
Where are those people?
I don't want to know their names but I hope that they don't live next door to me.
And I hope they don't work in a kleenex factory.... what if they jizzed in my kleenex?
My therapist says that I should go on lexapro
And I say what the fuck do you know?
And how the hell can you sleep at night charging me $160 an hour just to ask me:
How do I feel?
I feel fucking insane.
Something snapped in my brain.
It's a disaster. A calamitous catastrophe of brain debris conspiracy neurosis to the nth degree is haunting me and maybe I'll...
go watch some TV.