 Before let's roll with the Aberdeen Trust Fellow Show! Yes, it's the Aberdeen Trust Fellow Show! We'll be back right in Hollywood for you listening right here. We're turning by now and we'll be on the music by Maddy and Alvin. So, hold on to your chairs, folks! We're really on the spot! Ah, that's nice! That's so eliciting! Where have you been every night this week? Oh, ever! What a life! Here with Mike Romeroff! And this is champagne out of a stew! Sounds like what a party! Who are all there? Just me and Mike. I heard you said you drank champagne out of a stew! Yeah, he's got a stew, and I think that's mine! Stop! Stop! He passed out? Why? His stews were big! I am not going to associate with you anymore! So, please stay away from me from now on! Over here. Let's hear about it. Well, let's go ahead. All right. Leave me alone. All right. All my life I've been left out of things. Even when I was a little kid. Are you kidding? No. One day all falls. We all went out in the canoe, and it all slipped over. You were left out of things? Yes. Everybody's down, but me. There's a thing going to say to take me with him. That belly you couldn't be a bigger idiot if you tried. Oh, I don't know. I could put on more weight. Oh, I forget it. How are you feeling your new girl getting along? Terrible, Abbot. She went away. And whenever I went, I saw her face before me. Always I saw her face everywhere. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to a bar. So what good did that do? Took my mind off the faces. Hello. How did you meet this girl? I was sitting in the movie theater. And she was sitting next to me. And she got carried away with a lot of scenes and a picture. And she kept being closer and closer to me. And finally she had a picture of me on my shoulder. And she was looking into my eyes. And she was breathing and smiling. And how did you take advantage of this queen? When she wasn't looking, I ate all her popcorn. Oh, get her out of here. A sample of a high-grade onset you'll be hearing for the next half hour. Before we get back to it, listen to this. There's a world of difference between most occupations and that of a private detective. And here's what Brad runs in. The Fat Man has to say on the subject. The Fat Man, as you probably know, is the famous Dachel Hammett detective whose adventures are heard Friday night over most dating stations. As the Fat Man says, in a lot of jobs mistakes don't mean too much. But not in this job of mine. A detective is like a trapeze artist or a type of walker. One slip or false move and it's curtain. Especially when I'm dealing with a murderer. Yes, trouble is the Fat Man's business. Trouble and danger. That means drill Pat's listening when you join him in his bathroom cases. Get in on mystery from a detective's point of view. Start when the Fat Man first takes up a case and follows through with him right up to the exciting conclusion. Listen when Dachel Hammett's Fat Man again goes into action tomorrow night over most ABC stations. And now back to ABC's Abbots and Costello Show. Go ahead. Remember when you came out here to California eight years ago? I remember that. Yes. And I had a stiff neck. Can you tell me to keep away from sadness? Yes. Well, is it okay for me to take a bath now? All right. No wonder you've got a stiff neck. You're out every night chasing girls. Look how tater you are. You should go to bed early. Every night with roses in your teeth. I tried that but I couldn't sleep. Why? The stems keep sticking out of my mouth. I didn't sleep much last night either. I was streaming ahead in the morning. First I turned hot then I turned cold then I just turned hot and then I turned cold. I don't know how do you account for it. My electric blanket was hooked up to the neon sign outside my hotel room. By the way, Lou, did you keep your date with Marilyn Williams yesterday afternoon? Yes. And we went out to San Fernando Gulf for it. I let her drive my car. I wish I hadn't told her to drive my car. Why? She'd heat it up and hit it with a machete. What are you laughing about? I don't get it. But you know, I'm glad that Marilyn is taking a minute to see Lou. That's the kind of a girl you should marry, a star. Look at Betty Gravel. She hits her wagon to a star. But if I had a wagon like hers, I'd find me a star and get hit. He'll never get married. You should aim to get a nice girl. You should aim to make her love you and you should aim to have a long engagement. But I'm tired of aiming. I want to pull the trigger. Well, you should have married that girl you went to school in Paterson. You know, little Mary Barzo. Oh, Mary Barzo. Mary Barzo. Sweet little girl. She was a nice girl, I think. She was. But I don't get it. She was. But I had a rival named Luigi. Luigi Paiello. Paiello. Paiello. Luigi Paiello. Yeah, I used to bring Mary Candy and Luigi would bring her nothing. I used to take her to the shows and Luigi would take her no place. I used to send her flowers every day and Luigi would send her nothing. Well, what happened? She married Luigi. Now, he got 10 kids. How do you like that for spider-wears? Godfellowsk know you. No girl would marry you. You're irresponsible and you're financially unwell. And you're precious. So you're a bank robber. You don't only stand debt because they ain't got any money. That's right. You'll never have a cent. Well, I will. I woke up this morning with my ceiling and my bones that I was going to make money. Say, what are you doing with those dice? Those are the bones. I got the skin. Wait a minute, Coachella. Those are awful funny looking dice. Are they loaded? Are these loaded? Yeah. Watch this. Did you ever see dice before? The left. Get marked. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for using such a dice. Have you ever gambled those things? Only once? When I left Paterson, I got trapped on a train all the way to Los Angeles. And what happened? It's the first train. It's the first time in the history of the Santa Fe Railroad that the super chief ever came in on its knees. Hello, fellas. Oh, this will kill you. Well, it's Matty Malnick. How are you, Matty? Fellas are meant to ask you, how you like my violin playing on this program? Well, Matty, I've heard of a city making a violin's vibe. You're the first guy ever started to make a violin's whip. That's pretty good, Coachella. Yeah. Hey, one of those little square things you got in your hand. Oh, really? I never saw any of those before. Don't know what they are. Hey, Matty. Wait, wait, wait. Fellas, come here. I could tell them. Come here. I want to... You don't know. Wait a minute. Come here. I want to tell you something. Now, understand, I don't believe in such a jam. Well, I know that, but this is a good chance to... to get a chance to pass up. Matty, here, is a plum that is waiting to be picked. He's a pigeon waiting to get plucked. Yeah. Matty? Yeah? Would you mind stepping over here for me? Are you sure you've never saw anything that looked like these before? No, what are they? Uh... Oh, oh, oh! Will Massacre! Oh, please! Let me explain it to him. Matty? Let's tell him, Mr. Coupler, yo, yo, why? Now, Matty, my dear boy, these little cubes that Coachella has in his hands are known as Gallipoli's dominoes. Yeah, see? They're the funniest-looking dominoes I ever saw. Oh, my life, I've been looking for a boy like that. Quiet, quiet, Gallipoli. And now, Matty, this is the game that is slated for money, of course. Uh, you could call it bank night or something like that. You know, it's a big... By the way, do you have any money? Sure, I got plenty of money. We ain't gonna have a long. Bad? Boy, we're a couple of steepers, ain't we? Right! Just place your... place your money down on the floor, Matty. Now, you see these numbers on the dice? Now, here's the figure five on this dice and a figure two on this dice. Now, you take the dice, you draw a five and a two, that's seven. You win. Well, it still looks easy. Easy. It's a since, Matty. Yes, you can fly it. Matty, you sure you've never played the game before? No. Okay. I'll fill a hundred hours. Roll them, you're fated. All right. Wait up, Matty. Did you hear that? Did I hear it? Yeah. Yeah, I heard it. What are you gonna do about it? Roll them, you're fated. Are you sure you've never played the game before? Never. Okay. Well, how do you like being on Wednesday night instead of Saturday, Rhett? Well, I've been in a couple of weeks. There'll be millions of people tuning in about that time. I'm sure. Waiting to hear Fred Allen. Yeah. I'll listen to that now. Oh, who's the handsome looking fellow? Him. Oh, that big party. The new singer. Well, I wish he'd stop annoying me. Annoying you? He hasn't even looked at you. That's what's annoying me. Aha. A two and a one. That's three. I win. Wait a minute. How do you win that? Oh, Vernon, we did that for you. Four. What did I do? Control. Now, I got something to say about that. I bet it won't get it. Whatever. Weird. I told you that. Well, I know the sponsor wants more comedy on this show. Why do you celebrate this new time? Last night, he sent me out and opened a new bottle of champagne. Ah. Oh, you. He needs a new pair of shoes. Ah. Ah. Find out. We'll find out. You know, I don't think it's... Stuff about you. There's no pair of shoes. You're a comedian. Well, why not? It's... A look. I fill a nine. Want a lady? Well, whenever you play this... See, I'm going to make this a real juvenile program. Then for a child movie act? From the boys. Okay, tell me my point is nine. Now, watch this. denying the hard way was three, three. Ah. Ah. Ah. Good. A testimony, a testimony. We started this game with two dice, Matter. Just where did that snake come from? What do you expect that kind of thing? Come here. Just a minute. Come here. Pardon me, madam. You idiot. You got me into this game and you got me such a $300. Now, these are your dice, aren't they? And you know how to handle them? Yes. Oh, here. Take this $300 and you shoot and you get me my money back. Okay? It's in. Give me the money. Okay, Maddie. It's my turn. Now, just a minute, Maddie. It's my turn. I shoot $300. Okay, go ahead. That's filler. You get the finger. Wait a minute. That's filler. You're a temple of Shirley. Why are you laughing? It doesn't hit. It doesn't hit. Now, you do a... you do a thing. It's a filler. You do a thing. I'll do my arm out. Just a minute. You do a... you do a thing. You think you can make it? If I do a thing, I gotta make it. Let's see it. Come on. Okay, just a minute. I'll say it. All right. Six right back. Maddie, you lose. Oh, no, I don't. I win. Hey, wait a minute. What do you mean? Stella, what did you throw the first time? Six. What did you throw the second time? Six. How much is six and six? 12. What is 12? That's crap. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I win. Wait a minute. Maddie, you're wrong. Six and six are crap. You win. We saw that. Maddie is right. He wins. Wait a minute. We'll use the dice. Oh, where's the boys from the... But before I get too sick, let me interrupt you for another reminder on a serious subject. Will the Mighty Eleven representing the University of Michigan fall from the ranks of the unbeaten and untied this Saturday afternoon? It will, if the Minnesota golfers have their say. And this Michigan-Minnesota gridiron class is up to be the nation's game of the week, which will be broadcast over most of these ABC stations. It's an important game for both these big nine conference rivals, because it may well prove to be a decisive factor in selecting the conference championship team, an honor which also carries the opportunity of playing in the Rose Bowl. And you listeners will be able to enjoy every minute of what promises to be a real football solar. On hand at Minnesota's Memorial Stadium to give his vivid word picture count of the action will be Harry Westman, while Jim Gibbons delivers the color background. Don't miss this game of the week between the unbeaten, untied Michigan Wolverines and Minnesota's hard-fighting golfers. On the air, all the most of these ABC stations this Saturday afternoon. And now back to ABC's Abbott and Costello show. Up with a curtain loop, right foot, and let's throw the spotlight on our singing star. Here's Marilyn Williams with Mary Malnick in his orchestra. Here's Marilyn Williams with Mary Malnick. Let the dark, bright, dark, baby please. Let the dark, bright, dark, baby please. Let the dark, bright, dark, baby please. And I'm just gonna try to be ecstatic. It's the music, it's the laughable, it's delirious. It's the limits, it's the limits. It's the love, it's the lovey. And I don't take up a single of her anymore. Why? Well, she said something about you that I didn't like about me. What did I say? your time running around with a fat little stupid jerk like me why are you so unpopular with the girls have it I know almost every girl in this town and everyone remembers me any place I go I can meet a girl that knows my reputation with women hi cook you know what I mean you know it looks like you'll have to get some new girls loose how about the two girls that moved in next door to me strangers and Tom why don't we double days well I don't think you'd like them Abbott one of them has three what are known she's got buck teeth and she falls in it how about the other one she's ugly that's telling you've got as much you've got about as much chance of getting a girl as long naughty that's too bad, they married? they're not married to each other they're partners just like tears and robots tears and robots and they married either? of course not they got ashamed with all that fun it's time to retire I've just got to retire I simply must retire for you oh just a little fist boy that's Abbott's nephew I don't have to tell you anymore that's Abbott's nephew he's been hanging around this show for two years trying to get a break why don't that guy get a job for himself you better worry about getting yourself a job don't worry Abbot I got a job all right songs for pictures I wrote a song for you here with new picture the loves of Carmen the song is all about Carmen how'd it go? she'll be carving around the mountains all right I'll be quiet you can't write songs no maybe not but I write poetry here's a poem I wrote last night there once was a glacier named Fraser who worked while the morse ate his blazer there was pain in his glen there's a two of his pants and swallows his shorts for a teaser that's how you're impossible and you will never be a writer and you better give up doing that same trouble detective series the feel is overcrowded and everybody on really wants to become a private eye you're right Abbott I know it seems like every time and Harry wants to be a dick thank you need a penny gonna stop me Abbott and I'm gonna do one of my most famous cases I call it murder in a butcher shop or have you seen those prices lately that doesn't sound like a very interesting case I'll take another one okay here's a very very interesting one I call it the case of the man who drowned in the Los Angeles River or just be my destiny oh let's get on with the case yes I'm Sam's double private defectors I'm sitting here in my little office writing a report on my latest case I reached for my pen it's a big pen I'm alone in the office I used to have a secretary I had a little girl you can never get a type and done every time she got to the end of a line that I put a bell would ring she'd go out to learn I've been working all night I think I'll make myself a cup of coffee I make coffee the hard way the hard way with tea bags I'm getting sick of this defective business always on the run I don't even get a chance to eat last night I sat down to a bowl of chicken broth I started eat the broth the phone rang I had to go out and catch a crook I came back started to eat the broth again another call team I had to go out and catch another crook when I came back the broth was cold tomorrow too many crooks boil the broth suddenly I hear a woman scream came from the window across the street I can't see who it is I reached for my opera glasses they're gone must have gone to the opera game I turn to my file there on top is one of my most famous cases the case of the lady blue beard I don't know why they call her the lady blue beard he never killed anybody maybe it was because you had a blue beard he was a hard woman to catch I'd have never caught her except he was a flirt he gave me the eye in Pasadena he gave me the eye in Pomona then I caught her and there's no beat it was easy I had both her eyes couldn't see where she was going suddenly through the window I see my pal who's been enamored of the homicide squad approaching have a tough man he's got a dirty look and underwear to match hello same devil I'm worried what's wrong lieutenant Abbott remember when I joined the department I saw the beat and the walking made my feet too big and then I was transferred to the traffic department and waving my arms all day made my hands too big yes now I'm really worried they want me to ride a horse I looked at lieutenant Abbott what a clever policeman he's got a trigger mine and he ought to give it back to trigger I could tell lieutenant Abbott had something on his mind he was nervous he started fiddling with his nose lieutenant Abbott had a tough day at headquarters all day he had been given a rubber hose for third degree he kept hitting it with a detective Sam you you've got friends in the department you've got plenty of drag what makes you think I've got drag and around Sam and see what you're dragging lieutenant Abbott hasn't felt it me again I looked him straight in the eye he had arrogance and cheating meanness written on a face being silly for a man of his eight to go around with all those words written on his face I'm a very woman here why don't you open that door that leads to the balcony I can't I haven't got a key and I don't know how to open it why don't you use your head I don't think my head will fit in the keyhole hello Sam shovel private detective speaking that's me and you've got to what's the matter I'm not even on the phone and I can hear us why don't you go over I lift him up any higher up break my suspenders lift up your hand lift up your pants what's the idea of making us put up our hands don't ask any questions go on reach for the ceiling okay we reached the ceiling what's the idea that's pick up this ain't no stick up then why have you got us standing here with our hands on the ceiling me and my crew are a pair in this building we're ready to tear out the walls and somebody better be holding up that ceiling little thin and avatars seem kind of silly you and me standing here holding up the ceiling yes them probably something the writers thought up because they were stuck for a fitting it's pretty ridiculous let's put our hands down next time we better play along with the writers them guys can kill you don't go away boss our madmen aren't through with you yet right now they want you to hear this crime deduction has gone a long way since the days of the magnifying glass and footprint school of detective and America's fabulous west has made a great deal of progress since the time of hostile catalyses and vigilantes today both are as up to date as the latest news they can be evidence by the sheriff's show heard over most of these ABC stations every Friday night the sheriff of canyon county mark case isn't the handlebar must actually old rough riding gallant of the old west he's a student of scientific deduction tracking down cases in logical style you'll enjoy listening as the sheriff goes about his business of clearing up a crime you'll enjoy the suspense of clues information and revealing facts about the personalities involved gradually fall into place proving conclusively the guilt of the real criminal yes for a tense psychological mystery set in the new west dealing with the baffling cases met by sheriff mark case a modern law enforcement officer they should hear the sheriff's show when it's on the air over most of the same ABC station tomorrow night and now back for a final word from ABC's Abbott and cost fellow show right now put away that revolve you don't anyway oh no have it I happen to be a shot here put the cigar in your mouth and I'll shoot it out but Lou are you sure you can do it are you kidding I could do a blindfold I never miss well okay I got the cigar in my mouth and I got the blindfold on here I go good night folks and be sure to listen in next week to the new cost fellow show Mr. Nate Thursday night of his time for another great Abbott and cost fellow show produced a transcribe in Hollywood by Charles Vander and featuring Marilyn Williams and Maddie Malek in his orchid class be sure to stay tuned for the outstanding entertainment which follows last evening on a baby