 The FW Fitch Company, makers of those fine Fitch products, present the Fitch bandwagon, starring Alice Faye. Don't you come with me to Alabama, let's go see my dear old mammy, she's frying eggs and brawlin' hammy, and that's what I like about the sound. Last week, Phil and Alice spent a few restful days up at Lake Arrowhead. We find them now, driving back to Hollywood, through the beautiful San Bernardino Valley. It's a typical sunny California day. You can't see a thing, Phil, turn your fog lights on. No, no, honey, it's not so bad along here, I can almost see the radiator cap. We better get supper somewhere, we got an awfully late start. Okay, honey, we'll stop after a while. Say, what are all those bushes growing alongside the road there, I've been noticing them for the last hour. Why, they're vineyards, Phil, this is the heart of the grape country. What's grapes? Why, Phil, they crush grapes to make wine. Yeah. Of course, years ago, people used to trample grapes into wine with their bare feet. Get back in this car and put your shoes on. Welcome home. Hello, Sissy. How were things while we were gone? Well, they were just fine. Was it very cold up at Lake Arrowhead? Cold, oh, Sissy, it was so cold, the only way I could keep warm was to tune in to Gabriel Heater. Oh, Harris, you kitchen comedian, you, you, you, you, oh, by the way, there's some mail for you in on the coffee table. Oh, thank you, Sissy. We'll find it. Goodnight. Hey, honey, look here, we must be very popular. We got a lot of mail today. Say, what's this one here addressed to you? I don't know. Open it up. What is this? Dear Mr. Harris, thanks for your letter. As requested, we are sending you our special dynamic tension muscle building course. And Charles Atlas, Bill, what did you send for a course from Charles Atlas? Well, I've seen his picture in a magazine and I can't stand to have anyone prettier than I am. Our kids a letter addressed to both of us. Let's see now. Quiet, it's an announcement from Emily Williams. She's giving a musical tomorrow. All right, so what, them snooty parties, she gives ink for us. Bill, I think we should go to this musical. Emily always has so many interesting people to talk to. What do you mean interesting people? I talk to you all the time, don't I? I know, honey, but once in a while I like to get out and hear some two syllable words. Oh, yeah, look, I know plenty of two syllable words. Name one. Lominabner. Don't tell me, look, honey, we don't want to go to those swanky parties. I don't know how to act at them affairs. Well, that's no problem, just be yourself. Yeah, I tried being myself the last one we went to and they threw me out on my nose. Well, I'm looking forward to a very charming evening. Oh, Miss Society, huh? Don't think it ain't been charming. No, no, not at all. Look, kid, until you got in this picture racket, your idea of a big night was to buy a pail of beer and ride back and forth on the Staten Island ferry. Bill, I never rode back and forth on the Staten Island ferry. Oh, no, then how come you always back into your slip? Bill, I covered the children. Why don't you take a last look at them before we turn the light out, huh? Yeah, honey, I'd love to. Let's look at those cute little rascals. Sound asleep. Gee, they're so sweet and innocent. I wonder if I ever looked like that. Nah. Well, good night, Phyllis. Good night, baby Alice. Did Daddy kiss you too? I'll say. Boy, those old hot shot need a shave. Fishing cream all over me hurt until Fissy. He was 29. Good morning, Sissy. I bring in some flowers for the house. Oh, well, put them down there. Say, what's that under your arm? Oh, these are Mr. Hatter's shoes. I found them this morning in the car, full of grapes. Yes, they got home from Arrowhead last night. Uh, was he... No, no. They are getting around a lot lately. Yes, yes they are. Luigi, have you ever been to a musical? A musical? Oh, yes. That is a gathering at someone's home where the guests are entertained by beautiful music. Well, Mrs. Harris is taking Mr. Harris to one tonight. Oh, my God. That's going to be something. Oh, but Luigi, Mr. Harris is a musician. Musician? Sissy, charity begins at home. But you are overdoing it. Anyway, I don't think he'll go. Oh, he'll be there all right. Mrs. Harris has that you go, or I'll cut off your allowance looking all right. Maybe so, Sissy, but five is going to get you eight. Sissy comes home with her skin nose again. Oh, by the way, has Mr. Harris left yet? Oh, yes, he just went off in the car. He had to go downtown. Just listen to that motor purr. Yeah, now if I can only get something good on the radio. That's it. And now he is transcribing musical frost warnings. Frost warnings? So that's the big radio job he told me about. Take it, Frankie. No sunshine in old Pomona. You stink. Stink the air up. He's not doing so bad himself. I got to change that guy. Maybe I can get some dance music on there. Hey, that's more like it. Sure. I remember this one. Come on along and listen to the lullaby of Broadway. The hip hooray and the valley hoop. The lullaby of Broadway. The rumble of that subway train. The rattle of the taxi. The daffodils who entertain. Had Angelos and Maxi's squint. The Broadway baby says good night. It's early in the morning. Manhattan babies won't sleep tight. Until the dawn's so good night. Baby, good night. Milkman's on his way. Sleep tight, baby. Sleep tight. Let's call it a day. So come along and listen to the lullaby of Broadway. The hi-de-ho and the ribab-a-doo. The lullaby of Broadway. The band begins to go to town. And everyone goes crazy. You rock-a-bye your baby round. Till everything gets hazy. Hush-a-bye, I'll buy you this and that. You hear a daddy saying, Then baby goes home to her flat. To sleep all day. So good night, baby. Good night, old Milkman's on his way. Sleep tight, baby. Sleep tight. Let's call it a day. Listen to the lullaby of Broadway. But all men like hair that looks caressibly soft and touchable. Hair that's lustrous and manageable. Beauty-conscious, beauty-wise women know the bewitching tresses men admire come from hair that's absolutely clean. That's why so many women use Fitch's Dandruff Remover Shampoo. Or Fitch Shampoo has a special reconditioning action that thoroughly cleanses the hair and scalp, leaving the hair healthy-looking, soft and shining with a sunlight sparkle. Thousands of women shampoo their hair regularly with Fitch in a beauty ritual they know gives unsurpassable results. Fitch leaves each hair strand clean and sparkling. Since Fitch is completely soluble, only an ordinary water rinse is needed. This famous shampoo is good for all colors and textures of hair, and it's so gentle, it will not harm even a baby's tender scalp. Fitch has been granted the Good Housekeeping Seal and the Parents' Magazine Commendation Seal. Ladies, be hair beauty-wise. Use Fitch's Dandruff Remover Shampoo regularly. Fitch is spelled F-I-T-C-H. Hiya, Frankie. Hey, what are you doing standing here on the corner of Vine Street? Waiting for my fiance. Yeah? What's her name? Leilani. Leilani Schwartz. Leilani Schwartz. Isn't that pretty? Yeah, it's very pretty. Hey, are you really engaged? Sure. Around her neck she's wearing my guitar pick. Gee, Frankie, I'm glad to hear it. Come on with me a minute. I want to talk to you. Let's get a cup of coffee. Okay. Hey, wait a minute. This ain't a bad looking restaurant right here. Let's try this joint. Okay. After you. Here's a boat. Let's sit down. Hey, Frankie. I heard you on the air coming down there. Yeah, them transcribed frost warnings all right, huh, Phil? Look, Frankie, I wish you wouldn't take them outside jobs. It lowers the dignity of our organization. Okay, Curly. But you don't help us none with that show or yours. Let's get the waiter. Okay. Good day, gentlemen. May I help you, please? Yeah. Yeah, what do you got? Oh, we have very nice chicken chow mein, egg fouillon, meat soup, lychee nuts, very good late-cooked pork with bamboo shoots. Yeah. Well, all we want is two cups of coffee. Oh, all right. I should make two coffees. Me and my tiny egg roll, baby, cut a loaf with soybean sauce, lychee cacao, you're all right for me. Oh, wait. Wait, you get a floor show with this waiter. What kind of a guy is that? What kind of a waiter is that? Oh, where do you see the coffee? Oh, I see. Oh, no. Hey, Curly. Yeah, Frankie. How about you and me doing a town tonight? No, no, no, Frankie. Don't start that. We've been all through that before. Anyway, I couldn't make it tonight. Oh, yeah. I forgot about Alice. The warden won't let you out. Stop it. It ain't that at all. Me and Alice is going to one of them musicals tonight. Musical? Yeah. Oh, twine me a garland of roses. Pussy poopsie. Well, don't get so nervous, kid. It's not my idea of it all. I wouldn't be wanting to go. I'm going to hate every minute of it. Oh, now, what do you mean? If you've got to go, make the most of it. But, Frankie, I'm going to feel out of place. I won't know how to act with them society apples. Suppose they start bragging to me about their stocks and bonds, and then ask me how much money I got. What am I going to say? Don't say nothing, Phil. Just point to Alice. That'll slow them down. Yeah, but be sure you watch how you eat, though. You mean them guys eat different than we do? Sure, Curly. All them rich people chew their food with lineettes. Lineettes? What's that? I don't know. I think it's an upper plate with a built-in mix mask. Yeah. That sounds pleasable. Yeah, it could be. Look, Frankie, are you sure, though, that them... Oh, here we are. Two cups of coffee for a number one gentleman. Also, two Chinese tea biscuits with fortune inside. Oh, fortune inside? Yes, fortune. Hey, I'm going to look at my fortune. Let me see what I got here. Hey, look, Curly. It's all in Chinese. Yeah. Hey, bud. What does it say? Oh, I'll read it to you. Hold it. Hold it. That's what I like about this shop. Oh. Yeah, but what does that mean? Oh, American translation. Yeah. Take back your shambai, your lambai, your kang-a-egg-fu-yung, and then I break my back. Oh, Frankie, let's get out of here. Oh, Frankie, let's get out of here. Hurry up and get dressed, Phil. We got to leave for the Williams' this is in a half an hour. Hey, honey, I'll be ready in a minute. I laid all your clothes out on the bed. Hey, wait a minute, Alice. Where did this dinner jacket come from? Where's the one I used to wear when I took the band on the road? Oh, Phil, you can't wear that one tonight. It might scare someone to wear those lapels light up. Oh, but, honey, I just put the special Christmas bulbs in. Well, I'm sorry you can't wear it, Phil. Besides, the batteries are dead. Hey, Alice, I can't get into this shirt. Here, I'll help you. Phil, where did you get those awful suspenders? What's wrong with them? Well, look at what it says on them. Souvenir of Atlantic City, 1926. Darn tootin'. I'm proud of them, too. That was the year I got honorable mention in the bathing beauty contest. You know what's steppin' out like this, honey? Reminds me of that song that you did in one of them pictures a long time ago. What song? Don't you remember it? Slummin' on Park Avenue. Oh, yes, I remember that. Let's go slummin' on Park Avenue. Let us hide behind a pair of fancy glosses and make faces when a member of the classes passes. Let's go smelling where they're dwelling. Sniffing everything the way they do. Let's go slummin' on Stommin' on Park Avenue. Let's go smelling where they're dwelling. Sniffing everything the way they do. Let's go slummin' on Stommin' on. Here's that joint where the party is. Williams' wigwam. Gee, there are a lot of cars parked here. Where are you going to park? Right here between these two lengthens. Bill, that space is too small. You'll never get in there. Oh, what are you talking about? I'll make it all right. That'll be as easy as one, two, three. One, two, three. Well, now you've done it. You've smashed our trunk and locked painters with the car behind. Well, just don't sit there, kid. Get out and jump up and down on the bumpers. I'll do no such thing. Look what you've done to this car. It's a wreck. Oh, what are you squawking about, kid? You got Cadillacs at home. You ain't even used yet. Come on, come on. Let's get into the house. Okay. Hey, Alice, look at that guy at the door at the Williams'. Is he kiddin' with that monkey suit? Get a load of that guy. Bill, that's the butler. Oh, the butler? Well, slip him five bucks. Maybe he'll give us a front table. Be quiet. He's announcing the guest. Mr. and Mrs. Rodney Cavendish, Lord and Lady Gilfoyle, Ms. Mahitabel Boyagian of Cucamonga, Mr. David Tate, and Ms. Helen Carter. Go ahead, Phil. I'll give him my name. All right. Hey, bud. Phil Harris arriving on track five. I beg your pardon. Oh, excuse me. We're together. I'm Alice Faye. Oh, yes. Ms. Alice Faye and one meatball. You know something else? I'm lovable to punch that character right in the nose. Oh, don't be ridiculous. Give him your hat and coat. Yes. If you'll be so kind, sir, may I take your things? Thanks. Yes. Okay. Here. Thank you. Here. Thank you. Here. Thank you. Here. I'm sorry, sir. But we have no facilities for checking undershirt. That's my dinner jacket. Phil Harris, put that jacket back on. What? And hide my Atlantic City suspenders? I'll inform Mr. and Mrs. Williams you're here. They're in the drawing room. Good. Tell her to draw two for us. Tell her to go easy on the collar on mine, bud. Fill it up. Fill it up. No, come along. Sir Algernon Duckworth with the Countess of Vignier, Mr. Harold R. Wickersham with the Duchess of Leicester, Irving Plotnik with the ice cream from Krypton. Gee, honey, is it good to get home? Yes, that was quite a party, Phil. Yeah, sure. Well, you can say that again. Quite a party. I'm glad we can sleep late tomorrow. I'm beat, honey. My feet are killing me. Who was that woman you were dancing with? Oh, I don't know. Some British dame. I don't know who she was. She stepped all over my feet, got powder on my lapels, put her clammy hand on the back of my neck, and then asked me if I was Ray Noble. You know my coat's longer than that. Well, Phil, I must admit you did pretty well tonight, except for one thing. What's that? After the sidle, you went up to that soprano and said, look, kid, you do all right if you just get rid of that broken down piano player you got there, there, right there. Well, what was wrong with that? Oh, nothing, nothing. Only that broken down piano player happened to be Jose Aterbi. Jose? Good night, good night. Alison Phil will be back in just a moment. Public Enemy Number One. That's what dandruff is to the hair and scalp. And yet people need not be bothered with embarrassing, unsightly dandruff if they use Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo. Fitch is the only shampoo made who's guaranteed to remove dandruff with the first application is backed by one of the world's largest insurance firms. For over half a century, Fitch shampoo has proved its excellence by its actual performance. Fitch completely removes dandruff with the first application and satisfied users have continued to shampoo regularly with Fitch to keep their hair and scalp refreshingly clean and dandruff free. They know from actual experience how Fitch penetrates and cleanses the thousands of tiny hair openings on the scalp, dissolving all traces of dandruff. Then a rich billowy lather forms to float away the dissolved dandruff. So folks, if you're bothered with dandruff, do as countless others do. Use Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo regularly. Ask for it at drug or toilet goods counters or have professional applications at your barber or beauty shop. Let's get the news on the radio before we go to sleep. Oh, you want the nose? Okay. There you are. And now we resume our program of dance music from Lingtoi's Chinese American restaurant in Hollywood. Take back your shampoo, all your lumber, all your kangaroos, Oh, good night. Oh, will you please get this done? Next week when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris. This program is written by Joe Connolly and Bob Mosier, directed by Paul Phillips, with the original music composed and conducted by Walter Shaw. Included in the cast were Janine Roos and Anne Whitfield, Elliot Lewis, Hans Conrad and Myra Marsh. Alice Faye appears to the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. But for a while let us all be your style, you Fitch Shampoo. Man, use Fitch's Ideal Hair Tonic daily. It makes your scalp tingle with that feeling of new life and pep. Fitch's Ideal is not sticky or greasy, so pep up your scalp and give your hair that well-groomed look with Fitch's Ideal Hair Tonic. Bill Foreman speaking. This is MDC, the National Broadcasting Company.