 Howdy how's it going? My name's Daffy Chappy and I'm gonna bust your holy nuts because this week I'll be ranking each and every one of the spells on the cleric spell list so that when you go crossing your T's and stabbing out Eyes you can do it knowing that you've been optimized by Daffy Chappy as always keep in mind that a lot of this is just my opinion So if you feel like I was unfair to one of your favorite spells get over it loser. Everybody hold up I'm recording this while I'm sick So you're not getting my traditional snake oil salesman voice But luckily for you the only thing you have to be sick of is sick of not having an encounter for your next session and the ibuprofen for your worries is out of the box Encounters for fifth edition with this book the nasal congestion of your D&D games will be cleared away Replaced by the sinus satisfaction of using somebody else's better ideas and while the time for discounts on the upcoming nerd Archey the convention has come and gone You can sleep peacefully knowing that your chance to meet a hopefully not Flu-ridden D and daddy of your dreams is still possible via the pledge manager nerd Archey made four nerds But with out of the way let's begin So the cleric is one of the main spellcasting classes in the game being known as the holy hoe to a godly pimp daddy And the thing that makes their class so much more versatile than other classes is the fact that the cleric has access to its Entire spell list as in it can swap out spells However, it wants at the end of every long rest this means that for this list spells that have a very limited or Situational use will be given a lot more of a past since who cares that water breathing spells barely ever come up If the cleric can just take a little nap and wake up with fishgills for everybody It also means that the spells with more versatility baked into their kits aren't getting a shiny gold star just for taking a little bit of everything They're gonna have to get a real job like I do also unlike wizards who go to war in their pajamas Clerics decided to actually bring fighting equipment to the cave filled with soon-to-be eunuch bugbears So clerics don't have a problem being on either the middle or the complete front line So your spell choice should reflect that if you want to be a mid-liner You should take spells that require concentration and just try to maneuver yourself away from harm's way I know it's tempting but don't take a melee oriented spell if you don't want to be there in the first place Plan for success not for failure But if you want to eat yourself like a Eucharist wafer then you should take melee Fighty spells instead of concentration spells because you do plan on getting hit and concentration spells tend to not survive repeated blows to the head You can get away with taking one or two if you want to use them for one or two turns But definitely don't rely on them unless you're staying ranged when in doubt You can check your subclass to see what that kilt is built for if you get the potent spell casting feature later down the line Then your cleric is meant to be a rangey boy But if you get divine strike then that subclass is meant for face-punching of course You can just ignore all of this and play your cleric however you want But I want to give new worshipers out on their first mission the best fighting chance that they've got but that is enough prep talk Let's jump into it starting with the cantrips Guidance if you're looking for a last cantrip to pick up this is okay light star light star bright Help me kick some ass tonight mending the swap out spells rule doesn't apply to cantrips But this spell isn't the worst thing to have anyway resistance is plus a joke to you sacred flame People haven't realized that this just isn't as good as Toll the dead and you only need one damaging cantrip spare the dying Completely useless stop taking the spell and just buy medicine kits. They do the exact same thing and you get to keep a cantrip slot I'm not talking to you grave cleric thaumaturgy the I'm a cleric cantrip that lets you do cleric key things almost useless But fun told the dead better than sacred flame except against undead which the cleric can beat anyway Oh, no, the enemy is resistant to necrotic better use my cleric brand hammer instead word of radiance It's useful if you plan to get surrounded, but you have to work harder to make it good first level bane It's good against enemies that you're tired of hitting you but not as good as bless It's better than bane because you'll use it longer since enemies die and you don't plan to ceremony a nice fluffy spell It won't serve you well in combat, but it's really good for fleshing out your character command all rise And get down create or destroy water. Do you need water? Well, here you go cure wounds clerics Don't have to be healers, but if you want to be detect evil and good pick it up when you know you're going hunting Detect magic you never know when you're gonna need to see magic You also never know when the bad guy has it detect poison and disease if I die from poison or disease in Dungeons and Dragons I deserve guiding bolt. Hey, I don't see the enemy. Can you ping him? Thank you healing word Don't use the spell unless someone is bleeding out You can use cure wounds for anything else inflict wounds if you want to be melee This is a pretty great rescind gun protection from Evelyn good great for when the devil has you thinking gay thoughts purify food and drink This will never happen, but it's too because it's possible Sanctuary if it's good enough for Kingdom Hearts It's good enough for you use this on someone you don't want in the fight But want to keep alive shield of faith always useful for making the tank a little more egregiously tanky second level aid Even when you have it, you don't really want it augury It's pretty fun to ask your God for advice not enough people know you can do this blindness slash deafness deafness is nothing Blindness is everything calm emotions. It's a way to diffuse and encounter peacefully But who's gonna do that continual flame when your friend doesn't have dark vision and you can't be bothered to cast light enhance ability It's decent utility, but nothing special fine traps perception is just easier gentle repose I don't know when you're ever gonna need this, but you have it for when you do hold person Literally never a bad time to have this less a restoration not good enough to have it all times But you just need one long rest locate object once again You don't really ever need this but there's nothing wrong with it prayer of healing eat your heart out mask your wounds protection from poison Poison silence you don't have counter spell, but you do have this Spiritual weapon one of your best battle spells because you can just keep using it as a bonus action warding bond Be wary while using the spell not to cast concentration spells afterwards That's just double the consaves zone of truth admit it. You liked rise of Skywalker. Didn't you admit it? Damn you third level animate dead resurrection by Reaction Beacon of hope you won't really use this often it lasts for one minute and you'll always find something better to do on each turn But Stoker's you get to come up with your own curse pretty spiffy clairvoyance They say that clerics can't be spies, but God is always watching create food and water I don't know from what hellscape that food is appearing, but you should thank God for it daylight Okay, sure. This is technically more useful than the light spell, but you're on thin fucking ice to spell magic Yes, sir. I would very much like that giant butt cloud to go away. Thank you fame death Remember kids when you're in trouble act like you were killed and it'll be all better cliff of warding religious Organizations should not be left in the possession of explosives and magical detonation machines life transference You have other better ways of healing than forcing people to drink the blood of Christ magic circle It's an anti-sea bear circle mass healing word It's like healing word but better meld into stone in case you were wondering just how Jesus got out from behind that rock Protection from energy. You will never have this when you need it and then you will take it and then you won't need it anymore Remove curse. I sure hope that curse doesn't activate within the next eight hours revivify Once your dm knows that you have this the game is going to get so much harder sending critical role has taught me to always end Your messages with you can reply to this message speak with dead It's so much more convenient to just kill everybody and then interrogate them spirit guardians useful for one turn And then everybody wants to hate you choose your battles tongues You actually really want this spell so many plot conveniences are fixed by you being able to understand other people water walk Yes, you could walk on water, but why fourth level banishment delete an enemy? Sure, they'll come back, but not before everybody else is dead control water Sure death ward pretty great to put on your friends, but let's be honest. This one is yours divination Once again, these sorts of spells are great to use But no one ever uses them for fear of upsetting the big D and daddy freedom of movement for when you want to get out Of traps guardian of faith. I can't stop feeling weird about how it just does 20 flat damage But hey, it's 20 flat damage locate creature You'll need it when you need it and quote the raven never more stone shape fun with clay That's as much as you'll get out of the spell hope you don't like fourth level spell slots fifth level Commune take the spell force your dm into an awkward position do it contagion This spell is great And you should take it just because one of the effects is named slimy doom dawn fuckstrod Dispel evil and good fuckstrods minions flame strike and fuckstrods house Geos mind control is a staple of any good church greater restoration It's like lesser restoration, but greater hollow a fifth level spell slot that doesn't go away super fluffy And it'll make you feel like a cleric holy weapon It's in a weird spot where it expects you to be in combat, but it also is a concentration spell At least you can use it as a flashlight insect plague You can be like Moses suffocating innocent people with bees legend lore another information spell These are never not good mass cure wounds It's like mass healing word but healer planar binding most creatures don't appreciate being bound to your service And they will make a point of letting you know that later on in life raised dead bring people to life What's not to love scrying remember kids? God is always watching even when you think you're alone six level blade barrier You don't get many crazy spells that do good damage. So take him when you get him create undead. This is not this is not your job This is the exact opposite of your job bind the path never needed it never will this is the lowest to I could ever give Forbidden DMs remember that this spell exists harm not getting any originality points for your name But this is an okay means of bringing somebody to heal without killing them heal from the makers of harm heroes feast use for role play and role Play only you don't need a six-level spell slot for good berry planar ally, okay? But I'm warning you if you summon a demon or a fey you are digging your own grave true See you can't hide your sinflex from God I mean unless you have a blanket word of recall a great get out of jail free card must be how the priests keep changing clergy's seventh level conjure celestial Divine word Venus a theory illness the best way to protect your chastity is to become one with the Holy Spirit firestorm when peace and love Doesn't work rain fire upon their houses plane shift use this to pick up all those other cleric subclasses regenerate It's not the best healing spell, but it does help you regenerate loss lens resurrection raise your bone up to the sky And you're never gonna die symbol don't touch the penis don't touch the penis temple of the gods purely fluffy But that's what makes a great character eighth level anti-magic field. We're all muggles now bitch boy control weather You know how when it rains and you think that God hates you yeah earthquake the spell isn't for basic combat It's for making a show holy aura the fact that this is an eighth level spell is very disappointing for how useful it ends up being ninth level Astral projection going into the astral realm is super dangerous, and there's usually no reason to do it gate It's just a big portal if you need a big portal you've got it But otherwise use a normal portal mass heal it's like all the other heal spells, but better true resurrection Oh when you wake up from the dead and an angel gives you a head Hallelujah But that about do it I hope you enjoyed this video leave a like comment subscribe ring the bell join my discord join my slowly evolving twitch And if you want to be a cool dude maybe support me on patreon so that I can keep coming up with original jokes for every single Goddamn one of these spells, but yeah, Davi out