 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky Strike means, lime tobacco, richer tasting, lime tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike! Lucky Strike! This is Don Wilson. You know, there are three words that pretty well sum up why millions of smokers prefer Lucky Strike. Those three words are Lucky's taste better. Taste, that's the key to complete smoking enjoyment. For smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Here's why. First, L.S.M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Naturally mild, good tasting tobacco. Second, Lucky's are made better to taste better. You can see for yourself the round, firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. You'll get more enjoyment from smoking if you remember. Smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is Lucky's taste better. So, be happy. Go Lucky. Get better taste. Next time, ask for Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike! Lucky Strike! From New York City, the Lucky Strike program. Starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby and yours truly. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Benny's second week in New York. And right now, we'd like to take you to Jack's room at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. Unfortunately, he's not staying there. So, we take you to his room at the Acme Plaza. Inside, where's side? Oh, Mr. Benny comes to New York. He always stays at this broken down hotel. Good morning, Rochester. Oh, good morning, Mr. Benny. Did you have a good night's sleep? Yeah, by the way, what kind of weather are we having today? Is it raining? I don't think so. Oh, is it sunny out? I'm not sure. Maybe it's cloudy and drizzly. Could be. On the other hand, it might be clear and cold. Boss, if you'd only get a room with a window, we could stop playing 20 questions. Say, look what time it is. I better get your breakfast in a hurry. You've got that 10 o'clock appointment with your dentist. No, no, Rochester. I went to the dentist yesterday and I'm all finished. Good. Well, I'll order your breakfast. Room service. Uh, hello, this is Rochester. I'd like to order some breakfast for Mr. Benny. What'll he have this morning? Farina, oatmeal, mush or cream of wheat? Ham and eggs. He can chew again. Oh, that's good. It'll be nice to have you smile at me for a change. Now, what else, please? Buttered toast and coffee. Coffee? Yes. The management of the Acme Plaza Hotel requests that we make this announcement to our guests. Due to the recent increases in the cost of wholesale coffee, we are forced to raise our prices. You raise your price in coffee? Yes, it's five cents a cup now. Breakfast will be along soon, boss. Oh, thank you. Oh, by the way, boss, can I have tonight off? Some friends of mine are giving me a farewell party. No, Rochester, I have a lot of things for you to do. Well, can I have tomorrow night off? No. Well, how about Tuesday night? That Tuesday night sounds all right. Where are you going Tuesday? The same party. It'll still be rolling. Well, Rochester. I'll get it. Oh, hello, Jack. Hello, Don. Turn yourself sideways and come in. I didn't expect you. Well, I just thought I'd drop by. I have a little surprise for you. Surprise? Yeah, I was out with your sponsor last night, and he told me how happy he is with your radio and TV programs. Oh, that's nice. And to show his appreciation, he's buying tickets for all of us to see a Broadway show tomorrow night. Which one? LSMFT and sympathy. The bar wasn't Dorothy Collins. But tell me, Don, how are you enjoying... Oh, that's probably my breakfast. Jack, it could be the singing group from the hit parade. Well, yes, you told me they wanted to audition for me while we're here in New York. Well, come on in, fellas. Don, are they going to sing a song from the hit parade? Jack, they're going to do a lucky strike extra, something from the all-time hit parade. Go ahead, fellas. And he starts throbbing his own sweet song. You sleepyhead, get up, get up, get out of bed, cheer up. Cheer up, the sun is red, lily, love, laugh and be happy. What if, five and blue, now I'm walking through fields of flowers. Rain may glisten, but still I listen for a while. I'm just a kid again, doing what I did again. Singing a song, bop, bop, bop it along. Commercial, you mean? We gotta have a commercial. We didn't have one at rehearsal. Makes no difference, we gotta have it now. Well, let me think. Now let's see, there is no, no, nothing like puff, puff, puff and a lucky strike. That's good. It's the best smoke yet, it's the cigarette you are sure to like. Light up, light up and you'll agree. LS, LS-MFT cleaner, fresher and much smoother to smoke. Be happy, go lucky. If you'll tear them and then if you'll compare them you'll say, They're really, really, really, really better. You'll be starting in rank, oh, I carton tonight. They're okay. Let's light a lucky strike, and luckies have a taste you like. Let's light one now. But you know there's nothing. Well, fellas, really, it sounded great. Say, Jack, would you like to go to a show with me tonight? No, not tonight, Don. I've got a date. With whom? Giselle McKenzie. You know, she sings on the Lucky Strike hit parade and she's a lovely... Come in. Here's your breakfast. Thanks. Here's the peppermint salt, here's a whisk broom. A whisk broom, what's that for? Coming down the hall, I dropped your ham and eggs. Look, I told you you can forget the jokes. This trip I brought my own writers. Okay, okay. Give me the check and I'll sign it. Here, boy, and I wrote down the tip. Say, Mr. Benny, wouldn't you like to erase the tip and give me the same amount in cash? Why? Then nobody but the two of us will ever know. Okay, here. Say, Don, do you care to have a little coffee with me? Oh, no, thanks, Jack. I've already eaten. Good, good. Well, I better eat before it gets cold. I got a radio rehearsal this afternoon and tonight I got to pick up Giselle McKenzie. Jesus, it's been a nice day. I like to walk along Broadway and look at all the signs. They're all the new pictures that have opened up. Beat the devil with Humphrey Bogart. What should happen to you with Judy Holiday? Riot and Cell Block 11? Oh, yes, that's based on the life of Frank Remley. See, I thought the Hip Parade studio was right around here somewhere, but I don't see it. I better ask somebody where it is. Excuse me, Mr. Huh? You talking to me? Yes. Hey, I know you all. It's nice running into you again, Mr. Savone, huh? Wait a minute. Who are you? You recognize me? Here, I'll step under the light. Now, take a good look at me. Holy smoke, Jack Benny! Mrs. Avone, the last time I saw you was in Hollywood. What are you doing here in New York? Well, I tell you how it happened anyway. I was back in Hollywood. I was just hanging around the house. Just hanging around the house. I wasn't doing anything. I was just hanging around the house. I don't feel like doing anything. Just hanging around the house. Hey, you. She said who? I said you. I said ya. I said answer the phone. She said no. I said answer the phone. She said no. I said answer the phone. She said no. I said it. Why didn't you want to answer the phone? You haven't run yet. You haven't run. Why'd you want her to answer it? Well, she just hanging around. She wasn't doing anything. I'm in the phone ring. And it's a quiz program. And I answer all the questions correctly. You answer the questions correctly. What do they ask you? Well, they ask me my name. Naturally. They didn't stick me. Right here on my driver's license. Ask you on this quiz program. Well, they told me that they had asked the same jackpot questions over a lot of contestants. They asked me how many legs does a horse have. And I said three and I won. Wait a minute, John. That's not the right answer. I know, but I was the closest. And then they announced on the radio that the winner of the two weeks vacation in Honolulu was John Alpiche Avoni. And I said, holy... John, did you say you won two weeks in Honolulu? Yeah. Then what are you doing here instead? Well, I asked him if I could come here because I want to try out with the New York Giants. Well, John, you can't play baseball. With the Giants, that's an advantage. I see what you mean. Well, John, it was nice running into you, but I've got to go now. I'm a little late for an appointment. By the way, do you know where the hit parade studio is? Yeah. Well, thanks. I'd better hurry. Goodbye. John, what a character. Someone told him that peroxide would keep his hair blonde so he drank three bottles. Oh, here's the theater. There's the stage door. Now, let's see where... Hey, you, where do you think you're going? Oh, I didn't notice you, dormant. I'm going in to see Miss Giselle McKenzie. Oh, yes. She left word for you to go right in. Thank you. You'll find him on the stage over there. And please be quiet. She's about to rehearse her number. Okay, okay. Ferry tales can come true. It can happen to you. If you're young at heart, for his heart you will find to be narrow of mind if you're young at heart. You can go to extremes with impossible schemes. You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams and life gets more exciting with each passing day. And love is either in your heart or on its way. Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth to be young or as rich as you are. It's much better by far to be young and if you should survive to a hundred and five... That's wonderful. Oh, it's you, Jack. Yes, I came in just as you started your number. Well, I'm all finished now. We can go. Good. Is there any particular place you'd like to eat? Well, how about the Colony Club? Well... Twenty-one? I don't know. How about El Maraco? Say, I know just the place. It's a little French restaurant on 83rd Street. You'll love it. It's called La Cuisine est pauvre, mais le prix est bien. What does that mean? The food is lousy, but the price is right. It sounds so nice and French. You know, Giselle, I figured you'd suggest a French restaurant. Your name is sort of French, isn't it? Well, just my first name, Mackenzie, is Scotch. Ah, the Scotch. They're great people. Do you really think so, Jack? Yeah, both Phil Harris and I love them, but for different reasons. We turn this corner here. Jack, are we going to walk all the way? Well... Oh, come on, Jackie boy. Wouldn't it be fun with just the two of us in a cab? Hmm... Hmm... Mr. Uh, yes. Get in, Giselle. Where you want to go, folks? Up Broadway to 83rd Street. Okay. Geez, as soon as you push the meter down, and register 25 cents. You hear that noise there? What happened to 15 and 5? Oh, well, Giselle. Yes? Do you mind if I put my arm around you? Well, no, Jack. There we are. Now, as I was saying, since I saw you last, I thought about you quite often, and not as a singer or entertainer, but as a beautiful 30 cents girl whom I could be very fond of. As a matter of fact, during my many years in show business, I've always thought of meeting a girl as sweet and intelligent as you. You know, yours is the type of beauty that I've always admired. Gorgeous figure, dark flashing eyes, gleaming black 35 cents. And you know, Giselle, I'm not usually serious, but a date like this tonight could lead to another, and then maybe we could get engaged, and after a while, we'd even get married in time. Well, you know how it is. We could even raise a family, maybe have one or two or even three 40 cents kids. Or maybe just like in the song, a boy for you and a girl for 45... Whoops, that was a quickie, wasn't it? Well, this is a ricochet romance if I ever saw one. Oh, Giselle, stop kidding. I'm serious about this. Hey, buddy, you back there. Ain't you, Chuck Penny? Yes, yes, I am. You see, Giselle... I thought I recognized you when you got in. Thank you. You see, Giselle, I'm really fond of you. Say, Mr. Penny, I've got a brother who lives in Los Angeles. His name's Crowley, Joe Crowley. Ever run into him there? Crowley? No, I don't think so. Anyway, Giselle, every man must settle down sometime when man feels that romance has come into his life. Practice knuckles a lot. Funny you never hide them. Look, driver, there are nearly two million people in Los Angeles. I assure you, I don't know everybody. But Joe wears glasses. Sorry, I didn't see him. Now, let's see, where was I? Romance had come into your life and Joe was wearing glasses. Oh, yeah. Now, Giselle, as I was saying, there comes a time when every man... Holy smoke, look at that meter. Sixty cents now. Driver, stop the cab. Well, we ain't at 83rd Street. I don't care, stop the cab. Your meter's too fast. Look, mister, you can't get in my cab and say I'm a croc. I don't... You think I'm some tourist that you can take me for a joy ride and play me for a 65 cent sucker? Well, you can't do that. Stop the cab. Here's your money. Now, come on, let's go, Giselle. But, Jack, what about dinner? Don't worry. He stopped right in front of your apartment. You must have something in the refrigerator. Well, Jack, the CBS Radio and Television Networks, as well as your show, have been singularly honored by the American Legion. And here tonight is Dr. Frank Stanton, president of CBS. Hello, Dr. Stanton. It's a pleasure to have you here. Thank you, Jack. And also, Jack, I'd like you to meet Mr. James O'Neill, publisher of the American Legion's national magazine. Hello, Jack. Well, it's good to see you, Mr. O'Neill. It's certainly nice to be here with Dr. Stanton and you, Jack. They say that when you put two legionnaires together, it doesn't take long to get a convention going. So, legionnaire Jack Benny of Post-264, Lake Forest, Illinois, we've got our own little convention underway, but Dr. Frank Stanton is our guest of honor. That we have. Well, Dr. Stanton and Jack, as we move along in this new year, the American Legion reviews the accomplishments of 1953 in the fields of radio and television and is privileged to present the CBS Networks with these legion awards. Dr. Stanton, as president of CBS, the American Legion commends you and your radio and television divisions for maintaining a high level of clean entertainment. We feel that the Jack Benny show, sponsored by Lucky Strike Cigarettes, typifies that quality. We also wish to cite the CBS Networks for their unexcelled public informational services. For these reasons, I am very proud to have the privilege of presenting you with these citations, Dr. Stanton. Thank you, Mr. O'Neill and you too, Jack. Speaking for the CBS Radio and CBS Television Networks, both of which, as you know, carry the Jack Benny programs, let me say that we are deeply honored by the American Legion's recognition of our efforts. It has been our continuing objective over the years to bring the American people the best entertainment and the most responsible news and public discussion within our power. This latest testimonial by the American Legion can only serve to give us renewed incentive in our steady pursuit of this goal. Thank you very much. Thank you, Dr. Stanton and Mr. O'Neill. And ladies and gentlemen, I'll be back in just a moment, but first, a word to cigarette smokers. Lucky's taste better Cleaner, fresher, smoother Lucky's taste better Cleaner, fresher, smoother For Lucky Strike means Blind tobacco, richer tasting Blind tobacco Lucky's taste better Cleaner, fresher, smoother Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike You know, friends, for a cigarette to really taste good, it has to be fresh. And to be fresh, the tobacco inside must have just the right amount of moisture. Not too much, or the cigarette will burn too slowly. And not too little, or it will taste dry. That's why the makers of Lucky Strike constantly check moisture content during every step of manufacture to make sure that Lucky's fine tobacco comes to you with all its good taste. For smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother First, because LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And second, because Lucky's are made better. Made under hundreds of quality controls like the tests for proper moisture content to make sure that Lucky's always do taste better. So friends, for better taste every time, be happy, go Lucky, make your cigarette Lucky Strike. Be happy, go Lucky, get better taste today. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Frank Fontaine for bringing us his character of John L.C. Savoni once more. Giselle, I want to tell you how happy I am that you could appear on my radio show tonight. Well, Jack, it was a pleasure. Tell me, are you going right back to Hollywood? Well, I have a couple more things to do here in New York, and then on March 15th, I'm going to Washington, D.C. to say goodbye to an old friend. Who? My money. The Jack Benny program is written by Sam Perrin, Milt Josephsburg, George Balzer, John Takebury, Al Gordon, Al Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marx. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. Stay tuned for the Amazon Andy show on the CBS Radio Network.