 Is the dating mating and relating marketplace frustrating for you? Do you feel like you're just meeting nothing but duds and you're very frustrated? Well, today I'm really excited to be talking about how to meet a high quality man. And we're going to get into what high quality means. And I'm actually really excited to be sharing my coach, my business coach, my personal coach, and I like to say friend, Sabrina Rising to this conversation. So welcome, Sabrina. Thank you for having me, Jonathan. So it's good to see you and be here. Yeah. Well, I got such great feedback in our last conversation that I thought it'd be great, you know, to have you on again. And I think particularly about this subject because in the over 40 demographic, I think this is one of the highest growth demographic of single eligible people. I think divorce seems to be prevalent right around age 40, 50 and 60. And we're seeing a explosion of singles in this demographic. And I think one of the most frustrating questions, particularly to my female audiences, where do I meet high quality men? And I'm really grateful to be having this conversation with you because we're not going to be talking about where to meet them. It's more about how to attract them. Right. So let's just dive into the difference between finding love and attracting love. Yeah. Yeah. Even just the first of all, I love this conversation that we're having. So thank you for putting this together and for being willing to explore this distinction with me. I think it's so important that we start planting this seed of consciousness into the minds of singles everywhere that are really struggling in terms of looking for a partner, finding a partner, wanting to be with a partner, experiencing loneliness and disconnection and having to reinvent themselves sort of life, right? And that can be very painful. And it obviously, I think, especially in the work that I do, most of my clients are in exactly that demographic and that's not an accident, right? The fact is that a lot of people in their 40s or 50s that are in this process of reinvention, whether it's post-divorce or mid-divorce or mid-career or changing directions or pivoting in some way, shape or form, are really just looking to reevaluate life, right? They're looking to reevaluate life and really kind of tune in to what really matters, right? And by the time we reach our 40s and 50s, we've done the stuff that we were told we were supposed to do, right? Yeah. Happily ever after. And for some of us that has worked and for some of us that hasn't been quite as fulfilling or didn't turn out to be exactly what we imagined. And so I think the 40s and 50s demographic, we get to a point in our lives where we really want to make things count, right? And we want to spend our time with people who get us, who understand us, who connect with us, who we can enjoy life with, right? Yeah. We want to co-create life. And so, you know, we look for people. And I think, you know, this idea of finding love is so prevalent in our culture. We know we think that it's outside of us, right? Yeah. We think that it exists outside of us. It exists, you know, and I say this and you know this from the watching that we've done that, you know, especially when it comes to manifesting human beings, we want what we want because of the way we think it's going to make us feel, right? The feeling that we're after, right? We want a relationship because we want to feel loved, right? We want the partnership or the marriage or the security and the stability so that we can feel safe, loved and provided for, right? Yeah. And for me as, you know, as obviously as a spiritual person, a person with a practice who, you know, works in the realm of energetics and frequency, it's so much more effective and efficient to learn how to hold the energy of love, how to embody love within ourselves and just be love. And, you know, that doesn't mean that we just sit at home and do nothing, but you know, we be love. And as we're being loved, we are inspired to do things and bring us joy that feel good, that feel loved. Well, I want to raise my hand for a second, which I'm going to do frequently today, I realize. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please. So, you know, it's interesting because and in my, you know, people follow me know that I've gone through a, I'm going through a transition in my life, particularly in relationship. And I find it fascinating that this is happening to me, especially when I had such high hopes about this relationship. And I say why this is fascinating to me. It's like, well, I think this makes me a better teacher that I'm going through this. I'm becoming a better coach through this experience. So that's kind of the one facet of fascination. You said something a moment ago that I, that's why I raised my hand. We talk about being love, you know, being what we want to attract, right? That's a foreign thing. You know, we were talking about receiving love before this got started, how that can be foreign for some of us, but just being love. Like we have to be what we need to attract and people hear that and like, I don't know what that means. And I don't know what that looks like. So can you just in a very short, like couple of bullet points, if you could give us an example of what that would look like to just be love for right now? Yeah, so I hear you. And, you know, I have a lot of compassion for all of us, myself included that have worked, you know, done a lot of inner work in order to be able to embody love. And, you know, for me, it always goes back to doing the inner child work. Right? This is learn our relationship to love and what it means to have love, to feel loved, to feel safe in love and to feel worthy of love. Right? And so the bullet point is go back and heal your inner child stuff. Your deep hard work. That's number one. Okay. Because whatever you don't heal, you repeat, right? And in terms of patterns and, you know, if you don't do the inner child work, then your partner becomes your parent. You know, no matter what happens, right? We end up projecting those unmet needs from childhood, the pains from childhood, you know, the fears from childhood, the insecurity and the, you know, lack of safety. I want to say, you know, that was in those childhood relationships. We recreate those in our adult relationships. Yeah. So in order to be loved, we have to be able to heal all of those imbalances about what it means to be in love within ourselves. Right? This is a solo journey. This is self-realization, you know, realizing that, you know, the first one of a really quick tip and an easy thing that people can start to implement right away is, you know, learning to love yourself unconditionally, whether that's your body, where you are in your life, you know, the way you look, your career, what you have, you know, even just a simple gratitude practice and just developing deep appreciation and love for who we are and where we are right now, exactly as we are, we start to, start to feel our hearts open and we start to feel like we can embody love more. Right? Yeah. If you, if you look at what you see in the mirror and you're constantly criticizing your body and, you know, you're looking at your bank account and all you see is lack and you're feeling depressed about yourself and down on yourself and there's this heart... You're frustrated in the dating marketplace and the whole... Harsh inner critic. But you're frustrated in the dating scene because there's this harsh inner frustration. Yes. Right? Everything reflects everything. In the world of energetics, my inner life is going to manifest my outer circumstances. So if I'm frustrated and not at peace with who I am, guess what I'm going to find out there? A whole world of frustration and a whole world of things that I can't be at peace with. By the way, do you see that comment right there? I know my worth, but I don't know how to show that to others. You don't have to know how to show that to others. If you feel worthy, you believe you're worthy, other people will know. It's like, you know, or something we don't have to tell other people that we are something. If people feel that, right? It's like an energy. So you can feel when the truth is being spoken, right? You can feel when someone is really speaking the truth. You can, you know, you get those goosebumps. You feel flooded. You feel like, oh, wow, I'm really hearing something that's moving me. Right? We know. Okay. I'm going to raise my hand. Raise your hand. Teacher. You know, something occurs to me that I want to address for everyone. And that is, I think a significant percentage of the population is caught up in the doing of life. You know, they're getting, they wake up. They have breakfast. They get ready for work. They go to work if they have to drive to work. They work and then they're doing, they're always doing something. It kind of reminds me of a line in the movie, wedding crash or where Will Ferrell said, Mom, what are you doing? She's always doing something. People, I think there's a difference between what we're talking about. And I'd like to address this is the difference between doing and being because much of what you share, and I'm saying this because I've now came to the awareness of the importance of just being. And, and that's not easy to describe, but it's just some, it's been some ways, or at least for me, it isn't easy to describe. Maybe you can. What's the distinction between the two and what's the benefit for being? Okay. So being means being is driven by your belief system, by your emotions, your emotional state, right? How you feel about yourself. Okay. Being is driven by how you feel about yourself, how you feel in the moment, your ability to observe the moment, appreciate the moment, embody the moment. Okay. Doing is driven by the action that you think you need to take in order to get to where you need to go or how you want to feel. Again, nobody cares about outcomes. Nobody really does. I mean, you know, unless you're an accountant or you're doing a specific type of job where you need to make formulas work, you know, we're talking about interacting with life and dating and relationships and being with other humans. We care about experiences and experiences because experiences stir up emotions that are pleasant, right? And so we want pleasant experiences. We want to have fun with our partner. We want to feel good. We want to feel safe. We want to feel loved, right? And so we get caught up in the doingness thinking that if I do more, I'm going to eventually feel this way. And what happens in the doingness here is, you know, it's, and if we take a step back and we look at our culture that's so busy doing, whether it's, you know, we just take away the fact that we're talking about relationships for a second. We look at, but we look at just the fact that we're so busy doing all the time. We're all always in performance mode. What happens is throughout this process is we often get desensitized from our needs. What are our actual needs, right? Like if I get caught up in my day, making sure I get to work on time, making sure I get my stuff done, my deadlines done, whatever it is that the expectation is, you know, I might ignore my body's signals for rest or, you know, a nutrition or space or emotional processing or inner reflection and all of those things, right? I might ignore some of the other needs that are just as important that contribute to my way of being. Yeah. Oh, I just, Jess wrote, so I need to quit doing and just start being, I've had lots of men respect me and others just don't. Maybe I was trying to do too much. You know, I want to pick, I want to piggyback on, oh, go ahead, go ahead. I just want to tell Jess that, you know, you having the experience of not being respected is not your fault, right? It's not about, even in her question, you can hear the energy of like, I'm not doing it right. You know, I'm not doing it right. You can hear that, like, you know, and I really want to give Jess a lot of compassion and, you know, there's, this is not something that you need to get perfectly. It's just something that we do gently, you know, with awareness, like learning to be love and then noticing where love is being met and if it's not being met, then knowing when to walk away from that situation without taking it personally. So, well, I want your take on something because in the Buddhist philosophy, there's something about right thinking, if you will. And why I'm bringing this up is, you know, I know there are times where I could have negative thoughts about myself or I could have self-criticism or self-judgment and that's not really right thinking. And I don't mean that there's a right or wrong per se, but what I like about the idea of right thinking is putting energy into a more positive way of looking at things, not in a harsh, critic way or a critical way, but looking at it from a more intentional way. Well, look at it as right thinking means in alignment with love. Yes. Okay. I love the way you frame that, right? Thinking with love. So one of the things in my practice now of doing, coming back to doing, because there are things that we do have to do in life, is also being intentional particularly for me in the area of meditation, particularly in the area of affirmations, particularly, and I immerse myself in this now. And I'll be candid, I kind of went off the reservation for the past year and I'm back on track because when I do this right thinking, when I do these right actions, and again, I'm only saying in that venue is I feel aligned with love. I'm more at peace. So particularly, I'm able to hand this transition in my life with a lot more compassion for myself. It's grieving with love, if you will, versus with suffering. Yeah, good. Do you see how you're already describing the distinction between doing and being? Yeah. Just by what you shared. You know, it doesn't get a lot of recognition or airtime or value placed on it in our lives because it doesn't produce a tangible result and we're so conditioned to be a tangible result. And yet when we take the time to invest in our being, we realize that a lot of the stuff that we're doing is A, probably not necessary. We could probably get away with doing a lot less and some of the actions that we're taking are being driven by fear versus being inspired by love. And when we take the time to be love and do the inner work to cultivate that presence through practices like meditation and self-care and inner work and inner child healing and all these wonderful things we can do to raise our vibration, we notice that the actions we want to take are inspired by love and then we do them joyfully. Guess what happens? We start to manifest and attract more opportunities to experience love and joy and connection in our lives. And then being with the right relationship or having the right relationship, the right relationship being the one to be a match, vibrational match for where I'm at with myself, what's gonna help me heal and grow and learn how to love more, you know, then that it just becomes effortless. So, okay, so let's have some fun here. I didn't prepare you for this, but I'm gonna throw this into the mix, so. It's happening. You're solid enough to handle it. So yesterday in my video, my live stream, I shared more about the fact that I'm making a conscious choice to no longer try to find love. And what I mean to say is I have an awareness that for a very long period in my life that I still operated from the premise I need someone to love me so I can feel good about myself. And so, and to some degree, you know, that, I'm not, I can't say I fully healed that per se. I don't wanna necessarily say I'm healed and everything from that, but I recognize that that's been a driving force in the way I dated in the dating marketplace, if you will. And I was looking for someone to fill this role. And now I'm choosing, now that my relationship has transmuted, it's shifted, no longer romantic. And we are separating physically from each other. I want to date differently. And I don't even like the word date. I want to manifest a life partner. And really be more intentional about it. And particularly, as you said, in the air of someone who meets me at my needs, I meet her at her needs. And I'm bringing this back fold to this title of high quality, because I've never liked the term high quality man, high quality woman per se. I don't like the idea of high value or something associated with the person. I think we're all human beings having a human experience, whether good, you know, whatever that feels like for you. Yeah, so we're talking to me a high quality relationship. Yeah. So I want us to talk for a few, I'd like you to talk to me as my coach about a high quality relationship. And then let's dive into how I'm going to manifest this because I think it has value for everybody listening. Oh, good. So we're coaching you live today. Yes, exactly. So that's your, I'm putting you on the spot. You're coaching me now. Perfect. Okay. This doesn't feel on the spot. This feels like a lovely warm invitation to just go. Okay. Oh, thank you. So, you know, I, what I'm hearing you say is that there is a deep need for connection and reciprocity and balance and feeling seen, heard and valued in your partnership, future partnership, whoever this person is going to be, right? In fact, these needs exist in all of your relationships, but they come, they become more important in the more, more intimate relationships because the intimate relationships really, really trigger those deep, deep emotions. Okay. So we're more attached and it become, we become more tender. We become more vulnerable in these intimate relationships. So we've addressed what the needs are. The need is, the need is for connection, reciprocity, balance, you know, feeling seen, heard and valued. Okay. Can you recognize those needs within yourself? Yeah. Well, When I say the word, Let me ask you this. Okay. It's oftentimes I recognize things when I see the contrast. So it's, Right. Does that make sense? Yes. You know, it doesn't matter how you get there. As long as you're able to distinguish that this is a need I have. Like, you know what reciprocity feels like, right? Like let's just work on one of the words. Yeah. Reciprocity means I give and I receive, right? Yeah. I get into the relationship. You put into the relationship. I feel met in my. I'll give you an example. Now, particularly in communication, I'm very aware that and I've been frustrated and I know a lot of people can relate to this. I seek conversations where I'm talking with someone. I've experienced a lot of people talking at me and I, and I don't know how, how to properly articulate the difference. I'm hoping everybody hears me say the diff, the words someone talking at me versus talking with me. Yeah. I love exchanging ideas with people. I really, that to me is my jam just to sit with someone. And I don't care if we're talking about Adams or alien or death or, you know, the pyramids or whatever it is or spiritual stuff. I like to explore, you know, the depths of those things. Of course. And it a mutual exchange too. It's not always one person doing all the talking, you know, because I can sit and listen and be very attentive. But then I don't feel very fulfilled unless someone is curious about the way I think. Like to me, that's like one of my highest values is someone who's curious about the way I think. Am I making sense by the way? We're talking about your need to feel seen, heard. Right. Which is what you pointed out. You have a need for connection, reciprocity and to feel seen, heard and valued. And I'm pretty sure everybody listening and myself included. Right. Listening to what's coming out of my mouth. We all have these needs in our partnerships. And so when someone is talking at you, usually, first of all, the reason why people talk at each other is because so many of us don't feel heard and have very few people that we can actually talk to. Right. And so we have a lot to do that are interested in listening that we just kind of go on and on and on because we need to share. Right. We need to share. We need to be especially in our society with there's more as much as we have this explosion of singles and demographics in the demographic of 40s and 50s. As you mentioned earlier, there's also like a surge in loneliness. Right. And people feeling deprived of connection and compassion and empathy and just feeling held, right. And supported. So of course they go together. So that's why. By the way, Sabrina, someone just said, can you show your cell phone meme? Can I just share this with everybody? Because someone just asked. Sure. I hate small talk. I want to talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that make you feel different, memories that you've told, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite set, your childhood, what keeps you up at night? Your insecurities and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know what's up. Yeah, of course. Like this embodies my core need. Yeah. The need for depth and engaged, right. Really engaged. So what you're talking about is you want to just have a conversation with someone you want to be engaged, right. Where there's processing involved. I say something and you sit with it and it prompts some kind of inner reflection. And it brings up another idea and inspires you to share something and then we're going back and forth. And this is nourishing, right? It's nourishing to engage with each other and to inspire each other and explore each other. It feels very nourishing when you're talking to someone who's, you know, genuinely interested in you. By the way, someone just posted this and I wanted to share this because you've been part of this journey with me. And I think what Leah Mazing says, I was grieving hearing you and Marie parted ways. I think perhaps your relationship and the pair of you gave us all a dose of hope to find the life partner. I'm sharing this because, you know, I'd like to think what, and we talked about really what I gained from this experience. You know, it's a relationship isn't measured by the time nor is it measured by the going the distance. A relationship is measured by the hearing and by the healing. I believe the healing and looking at the gifts and the lesson. And so I just want to share with everyone because Sabrina knows this. You know, I recognize that while I may have had an attachment to it going the distance, I realize we weren't meant to go the distance. We were meant to come together for a brief period of time, which was one season. We got through, you know, we got a chance to go through all the seasons and I got the lesson I needed to learn from this. And that is to practice what I preach, you know, in my book. It's always that. It's always that, you know, it's healer heal myself, you know, it's always that like, and here's the thing, Jonathan, part of the reason why you do this work, you know, we give to others, right, what we do most of ourselves, right, we do this work because we need it because we need the reminder we need to be able to, you know, use these tools and within our own selves so that we can have the life that we are, you know, telling other people is possible, right? Yeah. So you already know, I mean, we're coaching you now, so I'm going to put you on. You already know, right, all of the ways in which you betrayed your own inner knowing, you know, in this relationship with Marie and the, you know, the red flags that were there for the beginning, that the things that you knew were not maybe a hundred percent what you were looking for. And, you know, this is what human beings do and this is very important for people who are out there, you know, trying to find the right person. Hopefully, you know, by now you've understood that what we want to do is learn how to embody love so we can just simply attract the right person while we're being our lovely selves. You know, what we end up doing is, you know, someone comes along that meets like some of our needs, even most of our needs, but not all of our needs. And that's already a lot, right? When you meet someone who can hear you, who validates you, who can, you know, meet you in love, who can do a lot of the things that you haven't had in your life, you know, you say, wow, this is amazing, right? And so we park ourselves, you know, we say, okay, I'm going to settle for this, right? It doesn't feel like settling in the moment, but there's a part of us that knows this isn't the full picture for me. This isn't my full story. Other people probably may have been unaware that our needs met but not all of these other ones met. But because it's so good, I'm going to settle here for a minute, right? You know, it's interesting, you said something parked and it triggered a thought that I want to share with everyone. So, I realized that in this relationship, I parked my car at, let's just call it the department store, right? And, or wherever it and I went shopping and I tried on a lot of different experiences in this relationship. I thought I was parking my car in my garage. Because, and I'm using that analogy as we oftentimes think that we just parked our car in a garage meaning home, like this is home. And to the extent that I got to try on all these experiences in this relationship, what so many people do is they're so attached to the idea that they've actually parked their car in the garage at home, meaning they're maybe that final destination, if you will. I found my person. Yes, exactly. You want that. Everybody wants to go home. This is so important. What you just said, I love that you use the word home because home is here. Yeah. Here, inside, each and every single one of us. You know, there is, I have a meme, I posted a couple of weeks ago that I'll share with you. You can share with your audience. It's like, don't ever make someone else's heart your home. Knowing that what really is home is your own heart. All you have to do is look down within your own self. It's not to say that we can't partner with people or can't hope to spend the rest of our lives with people or can't create long-term relationships that are meaningful and fulfilling. It just means we have to change the way we look at the need for partnership. We have to change the way we look at what partnership is for. It's not necessarily for happily ever after as you're learning yourself, right? It's not necessarily to find someone that you can grow old with as lovely as that sounds, right? Partnership is a container, and we talked about this in your first show the last time I was here. Yeah. This is a container for growth and expansion. It's going to trigger you. Partnership is gonna show, is gonna put a spotlight on all those areas inside of you that you have to learn to love. That you have, you know, you're gonna notice like this is where I struggle with receiving love. This is where I feel unworthy of love. This is where I feel unattractive. This is where I feel insecure. This is where I second guess myself. This is where all my abandonment stuff lives. You don't experience those triggers when you're single. You experience those triggers when you're in partnership, when you're vulnerable, human being who's gonna mirror those insecurities back to you and you get, you know, a front row seat at, geez, like I have so much healing to do, you know? And that's okay. We all do this. Well, I wanna, okay, raise my hand. So the irony is for me and, you know, pardon me. You're the only one here. I know, I know, I just, I like to say it for fun. So it's interesting because, and I'm saying this, okay, I'm a coach, you know, I love what I do. I love helping women really, you know, find that needle in the haystack by teaching them how to burn down the haystack, you know, I mean, like, and I know I'm really good at what I teach, but at the same time, you know, I don't wanna say I don't practice what I teach because I did, I practice everything I teach. And at the same time, I'm a human being and I don't wanna say I make mistakes, but, you know, I can ignore signs and all that good stuff. So what that's- All I wanna say here is an attempt to meet a need. So you don't have to make mistakes. You're just choosing strategies you think are gonna help you meet your needs that may not necessarily be to your advantage. Okay, they may not necessarily do what you think they're gonna do. Yeah, well, it's interesting because now going through this experience, and again, I am so grateful and blessed. I'm very, and I'm very appreciative of Marie and I in the way we're uncoupling with love in this capacity. Me too. What I recognize now, I am now a better teacher for what, because of what I've experienced, but more importantly, I'm a better human being for what I've experienced. I'm a better soul for what I've experienced. I have greater clarity and more importantly, the importance now not to compromise my, I don't wanna say my boundaries because there was nothing really in that regard, really my desires and my needs. And so, and I do wanna life partner. I am declaring that out loud. I would like to go, I'd like to park my car side by side in the garage, if you will. So, you know, it's her home, it's my home, but we're, and I'm saying we're at each other's home here, but we park the car together. So, I made, I said this out loud yesterday, I'm saying this to you, as much as I'm a huge advocate for online dating services, I think there is, it's created opportunities for many people to connect they wouldn't otherwise connect. I think there's also a marginalized, I think there is a destructive nature to these sites as well. When I say destructive, that sounds kind of McAvellian, if you will, but what I mean to say is, I think unhealthy, I wanna do this differently going forward. I really wanna do this differently. And I'm torn, do I go, and I'm not ready to do it yet. Do I go back to the dating sites? Do I, you know, what? So now coach, you know, I'm in this manifesting stage. I'm ready to answer this question. I really wanna get into this one because, you know, what do I do coach? Yeah, good. I love the question, what do I do? Because what do I do is a question that's driven by doubt and uncertainty, which the roots of doubt and uncertainty is fear, right? What do I do? We get scared. If I do the wrong thing, I might miss out on my opportunity. If I don't do the right thing, then you'll never get what I want. You know, what do I do? And also about trying too hard too, because I am very guilty of trying to make it happen. Right, good. And again, that's also driven by fear. Yeah. There's only two paradigms of human beings live in. We either live in a fear-based consciousness or we live in a love-based consciousness. Okay, let's just simplify things for the purpose of inner work and healing and relationships really that are centered in self-love. If you're out there and you're having trouble loving yourself, finding a partner right now is probably not the highest priority. The highest priority is learning how to love and accept yourself exactly as you are. And it's through this practice, Jonathan, of inner work, inner reflection, doing your meditation every day, spending time in nature, being with yourself, quiet introspection, learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, doing the things that really make you feel good about yourself, that you are going to gain inspiration for taking the actions that are gonna serve the vision that you're holding for your life. So this is how I do things, okay? So when I want to make a decision and my ego, my fear-based self, which is still very prevalent in me, okay? Last time I checked, I'm still human, right? It says, what do I do? I will sit with the question and I will meditate on it and I will spend some time with it. Sometimes it takes me a couple of days, you know, I try not to make big decisions right away and I sit with it and I sit with it until I can be in discernment. What does discernment mean? Discernment means the ability, in my work and the work that I teach discernment is the ability to see free of emotional charge. I can see something, I can call a spade a spade and there's no energy around it. I'm not scared of it, I'm not attached to it, I'm not repulsed by it, it just is what it is, you know? Like I can hold up this mug and say that it's white and I don't have any feelings about it. That's discernment. When I can, I can be in discernment when I let go of my attachments, let's say you're sitting down and you're like, I wanna manifest a life partner and let me just set an intention for that. So what does it feel like to have that car parked parallel to the person that you know that you're home with, that you can be at home with, that that person is home with you? As I say the words, what does that stir up for you? What does that feel like? Yeah, right? So what does that feel like? I feel like I'm the answer. Okay, let me finish, sit with the answer. So see the temptation is, I know what to do now, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. I just wanna share with you what I wanna feel. Okay, so what's the feeling? Well, I was really meditating on this. These are some of the feelings I wanna experience. I wanna feel desired. I wanna feel respected. I wanna feel admired and adored and appreciated and accepted and even cherished, you know, like these are... Feel all those things for yourself. So I'm getting better at, no, and I'm getting better at that. Do you see yourself as desirable? Do you cherish yourself? Yeah. Do you appreciate yourself? Do you really acknowledge who you are? Do you go to bed at night, Jonathan, feeling like, wow, you know what? I did a good job today. I'm at peace with my life. I love what I contributed to the world. You know, I love, I really wanna acknowledge myself for the good I've done in the world, right? Like, you know, when we can embody those things, this is what we're talking about being loved. This is what it is, right? So when you can embody those things, and, you know, again, I'm getting back to how I was answering the question previously with that energy and in that space and that beautiful, juicy space of being able to love and accept yourself and appreciate yourself and fill your own cup, we get inspired, right, to just maybe, and here's the thing, and this might throw a monkey wrench in what you thought was gonna happen in life, you can go on the dating sites if that's what your higher self is telling you to do. If you're feeling like, okay, you know what? I can do, because it's all about intention and how you do it. If you're going on the dating sites with this idea of I gotta find the right person and I gotta put my image out there and my best pictures and, you know, let me put a million filters and present this idea of who I wish I could be and hopefully, you know, attract the right person, let me create the right strategy to bring in the right guy or the right woman. You know, if you're doing, if you're attempting it from a place of this is fear, fear is driving this idea that if I don't do it right and if I'm not fervently on this, I'm not gonna find the right person and if from that place, you will probably meet a lot of people that are in the same wounded, fearful place and most of those relationships are probably not gonna go anywhere, okay? But if you do, if you go on the dating sites, being love and just showing your up as love and emanating love, it doesn't matter if you're on a dating site, it doesn't matter if you're at the grocery store, it doesn't matter if you're at your local, you know, community organization or an event or at a friend's house for dinner, anywhere you are in the world showing up as love, love will find you because we always attract that which we are. And if you- Either way. It's not going- I can't. Yes, go ahead. And I just wanted to say, I catch myself now when I'm just sitting by myself and I catch myself and this is gonna sound odd to some people, I catch myself just loving myself. Now, and I say it in this kind of vernacular, appreciating myself, respecting myself, cherishing myself, accepting myself. When I catch myself, and I use the word catch merely, I'm just aware of it. I just laugh. And I mean it, I'm laughing at really the times that I haven't done this, like now it's becoming more of a regular occurrence, like I'm feeling those things about myself, whereas before it was, there was a heaviness to my heart, there was a heaviness to even just appreciating myself or respecting myself. A lot of self-criticism, self-crucifixion, self-judgment. And just I laugh it because I'm laughing at the fact is like, why, sometimes I just laugh at like, why did it take so long to wake up to this shit? You know, I mean, that's, you know, that question is not going to help you, right? I mean, why is a circuitous- No, but I'm not, I don't spend time thinking of the why. It's just like, I'm aware of it and I'm like, get back into this practice of really just adopting a self-care, self-love, self-nurturing practice because at the end of the day, I'm more at peace with myself. And by the way, and let me say one last thing, I say this to everybody to simply be a model, not a model, if you will, but to the other extent, I'm sharing my experience. So my intention is everyone else do this for themselves. Yeah, good, good. Me too. I mean, when I'm coaching and when I'm coaching you or anyone else, it's, you know, we bring ourselves in because we want to use our lives as examples, right? As demonstrations. That doesn't mean we have it perfectly down. It means that we have a process that works that we're sharing. There was something you said about just a minute ago. What were you talking about just a second ago when I put up my hand? Yeah, I know, I saw that. Oh, we were talking about self-love. And you know, I think self-love is, you know, it's all over the place. It's everywhere you look, your self-love, self-care. And it's important to put a little bit of attention on this idea that so many of us have that we don't want to love ourselves, right? It's just so much easier to find somebody who's going to love me instead. I don't want to do the work, right? There's a part of us, and we, this is a human by the way. This is part, this is a construct of the ego and ego is not an individual experience. It's a collective consciousness that we're all participating in. This is part of how the ego is structured, you know? We just want to do the least amount of effort. The least amount of effort, the least amount of work for the greatest benefit, right? This is how the ego is structured and how human beings show up in life, right? Whether it's in relationships or jobs or work or study or whatever. And so there's a part of us, and that is, it's really important. I want to answer this question here in a second. It's really important that we take a look at, okay, that's the voice of the child, right? The little kid inside of us. Because I want what I want and I want it now. I want my mom, I want my toy, I want my instant gratification. I want someone to give me what I want. I don't want to have to sit there and do the inner work and learn how to love the person that I like the least in the world, which is myself, right? And that's true for most of us growing up, regardless of the childhood you had. You know, we have experiences, some of us grew up in really loving environments. Some of us, not so much. The world and we interact with other humans and schools and institutions and in society and we're not always met with love. And the way that people relate to us is the way we learn to relate to ourselves. And so it's really important that we go in and change the inner dialogue around, feeling good about loving myself, being excited about spending time learning to love myself, creating a value, seeing the value in learning to love and accept myself as I am, seeing that as more valuable and more sustainable and ultimately more fulfilling than any love that I can get from external sources. Yeah. Does that make sense? So we have to learn to... No, believe me, I mean, it's interesting. The more I open myself up, the more this resonates with me. I would say that, and I've been on this journey for quite some time now, but more accelerated. This relationship helped accelerate the growth curve, if you will. And it resonates with me and I find that I want to spend more time with others that feel this way. And so even just from a manifestation perspective, I've set an intention of where I wanna just be around more like-minded people in my daily life or at least my weekly life. I should say, because my daily life is sometimes in a four-wall box, if you will. And making effort to be around as many like-minded people that appreciate this way of thinking and whether we call it frequency or alignment, whatever terminology one uses, for me, I just feel more joy, which is more of an, I understand a magnetic attractor for what I want. So Melanie has a question and she says, what's a simple daily practice, Sabrina? So let's give her one simple daily practice. I would say meditation, a simple daily meditation practice. Five minutes, you don't have to meditate for an hour. You don't have to sit and lotus for extended periods of time. You don't have to do something complicated. You know, you don't have to take, I really just, you know, I teach a free seven-day meditation support class to help people develop their own practice, simple daily practice, just learning to sit and cultivate stillness and take a deep breath and close our eyes or an inward gaze. You can do it right now with me and just kind of, you know, tuning into our hearts, putting our hands on our hearts is a self soothing technique. The brain, you know, interprets as a signal that we are receiving love and just really holding that energy of love. So sometimes it's difficult. So you can use a frame of reference of, you know, maybe you have a significant other or a child or a pet or something, some frame of reference for unconditional love and just drawing upon that to really feel if your spirit, your heart, your body with that feeling of love and just repeating some silent affirmations, you know, I am worthy of love. I'm willing to receive love. I'm willing to have my needs met. You know, I can be love. You know, I am love, right? And just even just doing that for a few minutes, I already feel more loving, you know, than a few minutes ago, right? So simple daily practice, self love practice in the morning, five minutes of deep breathing. This is a gift for ourselves, right? And it raises our frequency, raises our vibration. And as we do that, we start to notice that it trickles into other areas of our lives, right? We have another question, but I want to share a real quick practice with everyone that I do. Whenever I want to shift my energy, when I feel it down, I just jump up and down 10 times screaming yes. Yeah, that's a good one. And I learned that at Tony Robbins' event, but it's like, when I want, like before I shoot a video or I do something, I just jump up and down and scream, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. What you're doing, you know what you're doing? You're bringing a different attractor pattern, right? So what you're doing is you're changing the frequency. You're just, it's like, if you were to sit down and watch a funny movie, you can be sad and you sit down and watch a funny movie and all of a sudden you're laughing. Notice how energy shifts, right? In a moment, right? As soon as you tune into a different frequency. So that's a cool one. Okay, so let's come back to this question and Jill has a question after that. What are good practices to heal abandonment from childhood? I keep choosing relationships with men who ultimately abandon me in some way. Now, really quickly, that's a big question. Huge question, but I'm ready to answer it. Let's give the cliff note version of this one because we could spend an entire hour just discussing that. Okay, so first of all, I want to acknowledge you for your awareness. The fact alone that you're aware that you keep choosing men who ultimately abandon you in some way, you know that you have a pattern that you are reliving and the reason you keep reliving it is because there's a part of you that wants to heal it. So awareness is the first step and you already have that, okay? Healing abandonment from childhood requires doing inner child work. And so you need a guide for inner child work. I'll say that to everybody. It's not possible to do your own root canal. You can't do your own inner work. You need a guide that will take you there, that will help you see things that you cannot see and take you to those places so that you can feel the pain of that abandonment. The reason we re-experience the pain of childhood is because we keep avoiding those feelings, right? We want to be able to sit with the root of the pain, the abandonment that happened in childhood and learn to love and embrace that inner child that was abandoned and to help it meet its needs and to re-parent ourselves so that we can shift into a new subconscious belief that love isn't going anywhere. If love is who I am, then how can I be abandoned, right? There's a small mindset shift that happens once we do the inner child work and we learn how to embody love and embrace our fears. Yes. Well, something occurs to me and I talk about this. It's not only healing childhood wounds, but I also think now we have adult traumas too. And what I mean to say is we could have an experience, whether it's a marriage, whether it's a relationship that didn't work out, whether we feel heartbroken. I think there's adult wounds that are usually a result of childhood wounds, but the same time, I think, and I only differentiate the two because I think there's an importance to heal both the childhood, but at the same time heal those adult relationships that didn't work out from a place of gratitude, from a place of appreciation, from a place of how did I grow from this experience? What did I learn about myself? Right. You learn to heal your childhood wounds in the same way with gratitude. Wounds are only ever healed through a practice of embracing and loving ourselves and seeing the value in that experience and how it helped shape who we are, right? So the gratitude is involved in every healing process, no matter what stage of life. And I would say, based on my humble opinion and facilitating inner work, especially in our child work, all of the pain that we experience in our adult relationships are variations of what happened in childhood, just the ego. Exactly, yes. The ego becomes more sophisticated with time, right? We develop new strategies to get our needs met, but we always keep repeating the same patterns that ultimately leave us with the same wounds, the same unresolved hurt from childhood. So that's where it starts and it continues on until we stop and say, okay, I have to look at some of my fears and what my pain is and what my unresolved wounds are so that I can do the inner work to heal those so I can stop repeating those patterns. And that doesn't mean that we're not gonna encounter these patterns. I mean, like I said, I'm a veteran in this work. I've been in inner work for two decades and I experienced revisiting some of my childhood wounds in my relationships and it's, you're never free. You're just kind of like it's an upward spiral. You're always looking down at your stuff from a new perspective, from a new enlightened, more liberated perspective. There is detachment that comes along with having done a lot of years of- There's also, well, what we're talking about, by the way, really quickly, Jill just wants to say, how do we connect with Sabrina? Can you just, I wanna share with everybody, I'll be posting a link to Sabrina's site in the show notes here. So, and you can connect- I'm not intuitive Sabrina if anybody wants to find me there. What is it again? The program is Act Intuitive Sabrina. Anybody wants to find me there? Yeah, yeah. So I just, and I had a, oh, I had something I wanted to say and now I forgot it. We're talking about how we're always upward spiral revisiting our stuff. Yeah, so I've observed that a lot of people are stuck. Yeah. Particularly, they're stuck with their past relationships. There's almost kind of a badge of honor. And I'm saying this that might affect, some people might be offended by that, but I've just observed that there's almost like, they hold on to the pain of a past relationship, almost like I say as a badge of honor. And there's a lot of conversations out in social media world declaring I've had this painful experience and embellishing the painful experience and just, you know, and let me be clear, I am not, you know, I am not admonishing, you know, I'm not admonishing anyone for having an experience that wasn't pleasant or anything like that. But to the extent that it's so repetitively revisited, yeah, I think blocks their heart from actually opening up to anyone new. Well, what you're talking about is grief and very few people know how to grief, right? I mean, I don't mean to single out few people. I mean, it's not really prevalent in our society that we know how to grief, right? Like this is not a skill that we have, just like empathy is not a skill that we're born with. It's something that we need to learn to develop, right? And so grieving is important. Once you've ended a relationship, what we are letting go of is not necessarily what the relationship was, right? But it's the idea of what that relationship could have been, right? Where it was going, you know, the idea of where it was going, what it could have been, all the things we were gonna do together, all the dreams we had, all the conversations we had, you know, the life that you imagined with this person is what you're grieving, right? The relationship itself is not good, right? It's not functioning. That's why you're not together anymore, right? But it's the idea of it working out that is hard to let go of. It's you're giving up the dream and it's letting go. Oh, well, believe me, I've cried a number of nights in the last month or two because I was, you know, or have been grieving, you know, it's interesting. I didn't really have this awareness that I was really grieving the idea of, you know, the long-term partnership, the dream, if you will. And by taking a step back, and I really had, I mean, there's something, it's hard to describe just even the idea of taking a step back, you know? And I say this because when you're in the dream, you know, you know, there's this little kid that wants it to be perfect, right? The little kid in me wants this to be this perfect idyllic relationship. And as I take a step back, I recognize some of the areas where my needs weren't being met, her needs weren't being met, her, you know, and she's worked to sovereign beings on our journey. And I got kind of attached to going, hey, I need you to heal all this stuff for me. And I'm like, no, I got to take a step back and do this for myself. And by taking a step back, allowed me to not necessarily make her. It's interesting, I heard a, I saw a video that said, it's like making her the medication I needed, you know, and I thought medication was kind of an interesting choice of words. You know, I like higher power, you know, we make our significant other or the person that we're dating our higher power. We put all, we invest all of our power away. Right, exactly, so you want that person your higher power and you realize, you know, once you wake up from this dream, I think that's what breaking the bits is waking up from the dream, right? And then there's mourning and grieving and realizing this isn't what I thought it was gonna be or what I hoped it was gonna be. And so, you know, when you come to terms with reality and the veil of illusion has been lifted, right? And, you know, it's important to be able to, you know, it's important to be able to sit and go, okay, this is what I longed and hoped for, right? And that doesn't mean you can't have it. It doesn't mean you can't have it. It just means that we need to learn to integrate those feelings and start to cultivate them within ourselves, you know? What does it feel like to be honored and cherished and loved and seen and heard? All the needs that you had, we addressed in you, Jonathan, earlier in this call, you know? And trust that by holding that space, we can, you know, we will, not we can, but we are most definitely going to attract someone who has similar needs and who's willing to meet us there, right? Because we're all in this together, like human beings, we're all just here to walk each other home, right? And so it's just a matter of finding the person who's going to walk your pace, you know, walk the same trajectory, the same journey, the same path in similar ways. What's the park their car in the same garage with me? The same garage, you know, we're full of analogies you and I, right? So, you know, it's just a matter of, and you can only get there. And I want to say this before we end the call, your belief system is influencing every cell in your body. And I think it's really important. Okay, so since we're coming up on the top of the hour, the title is try this to meet high quality men. And just as a reminder, everyone, what we're really talking about is a high quality relationship, not the individual themselves. So what, if we can encapsulate what we've just talked about for the last hours, what should they, what does everyone need to try to do? So starting with taking an honest look at the relationship you have with yourself. Okay. Just take an honest look. Where are all the, write down, make a list of all the ways in which you love yourself, all the ways in which you don't love yourself. Take a look at all the ways in which you don't love yourself and start to practice loving those parts of you, exactly as they are, not, you know, 20 pounds from now or, you know, after my six months in the gym or after the new job or after the new haircut or whatever, you know, like love yourself now in this moment and really start practicing radical, unconditional self-acceptance and developing, you know, practice that will help you do that every day, like a small meditation, it doesn't have to be a lot big commitment, but really starting to really observe all those areas in which, wow, I can't believe how all the ways in which I don't love myself. So bringing in more loving behaviors, more loving choices, choosing love is going to help you embody love, right? Embody love. And once you start to embody more love, then you start to be more love. And as you start to be more love, you start to feel good and you as, and that changes your vibration. You become attracted to different things. You become, you know, you want to go, like you wanna do, you know, you have this different idea of how you're gonna meet somebody, right? You wanna go to different places and do different things that really nourish you, right? That really bring you joy. So follow that and trust that process. Trust that process. And in living in love, you will find that you will attract the person that is willing to meet you, you know, on that same journey. Yeah. Okay. Well, I appreciate that. I appreciate the coaching session today for everyone and for everyone that did follow. I just want you to know, I share my personal experiences and I do my best to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent without crossing boundaries for people that are in my life because I do have a great deal of respect for them. At the same time, I share this not because I know it all. In fact, what I wanna share with everyone, I am still like scratching the ants' belly to all this stuff, whether we call it awareness, enlightenment, you know, personal development, self-help spiritual work. And I'm fascinated with these conversations, particularly, this particular conversation for many people might sound woo, kind of wacky or whatever it is. At the same time, I'm aware that I feel better when I devote time to a regular practice of both meditation, right thinking, mindfulness, all these things and surrounding myself with people like you, Sabrina. And as a coach out there, I just want you to know something, folks. I'm a coach, I coach people. I have a coach, I have a number of coaches in my life. Sabrina happens to be one of them who we've spent quite a bit of time exploring different areas of my life. I highly recommend reaching out to her. There's going to be a link below to check out her work. She has meditation classes, healing classes. She particularly has been helping me in my childhood wounds, how it relates to this relationship. I think she's an amazing teacher. And so I highly recommend checking her out. So again, there'll be a link below to connect with Sabrina. Thank you. I am grateful for you, Sabrina, for being in my life. I'm grateful you came on to chat with all of us. If you have anything to share as we wrap up, please feel free to spend as much time as you need. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you so much for having me on your show. It's always an honor and a privilege to chat with you and to talk, have deep and meaningful conversations and really explore some of these topics that I think people are really struggling with. And I always relish an opportunity to be of service. And so I feel very grateful to you for allowing me this opportunity to do that. Well, I just wanted to post what Leaf said. Thank you so much. Well, Sabrina, I'm going to sign off this video as I always do. Can I reach? Well, first off, I'm going to give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bearer. Self love. When I reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. Yes, I'm hugging you back. Okay. I'm going to ask everybody to reach out to a friend, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank those that were on live, Mara and Melanie and Leafson and Den and Cupcake Betty and JT and Jess and Catherine and Roller Girl. And Brian was in the house and Melanie, everyone, thanks for being on live. We're signing off. Have a wonderful day, everyone. Bye now. Lots of love to everyone. Bye. Bye-bye.