 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic What's it say if you like a man don't play it cool never play it cool Alrighty really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new content or new videos And if at any time during this video this content resonates with you, please hit that like button I'd really appreciate it. All right really quickly if you're watching the replay We're gonna do the content first then we're gonna go to Q&A, okay? So let's jump into if you like a guy never never play it cool, and here's why All right, so let's think about this for a second When a guy is playing it cool, right? It's very attractive, right? Because there's a sense of mystery There's a sense of tension. There's a sense of Bravado, maybe if they're playing it cool, right? There's a there's this tension because they're not letting on that they're interested in you, right? So that can seem very attractive and a lot of people Men or women alike operate this way, but I want to go into the deeper. What's really deeper What's happening underneath when someone is playing it cool because what they're doing is not really divulging How they feel on some level now for some people? They're just incapable of divulging how they're feel and for other people. They're intentionally holding back They're intentionally holding back. They're reserving themselves and what happens when somebody Reserves themselves in other words, there's a reserve going on. Here's the challenge It can trigger the other person to be in a state of anxiety. Let me repeat that trigger a state of anxiety So when someone's and I'm particularly talking about a man and a woman in other words, the man's playing it cool It might create some anxiety for the poor person, right? And then they might want to do some chasing to try to get you to like do little innuendos to get you to like pander to getting them to to reflect how much they like you, right? And then there's this game playing going on and that's what really playing it cool is all about It's really playing games because it's not being true to how you genuinely feel about another person And so why I'm not a big proponent of excuse me. I'm getting a runny nose here Why a woman why I'm such a big proponent of women not playing it cool with guys is because just how it might feel for you It might trigger anxiety a withholder attention It might do also the same to a guy and I shouldn't say might it does do that to a guy By the way, I'm going to put my glasses on really quickly because I wrote some notes So here's the thing pandering to anxiety only helps in the short run I'm gonna repeat that pandering to anxiety only works in the short run and And it's based on this stupid book. I'm going to put it up You know so you can see at the book the rules, right? This is where game playing comes in when we're not being authentic when we're not being vulnerable Authentic and transparent to another human being when you're actually holding back now Let me differentiate It's it's it's it's good to hold back if you're gonna vomit your feelings to another human being That's not what I'm suggesting But when what but what's the title of this when you like someone never play it cool What we're really talking about is that you like somebody and when you like somebody I believe it's important to tell them Right off from the get-go, you know because flirting teasing attraction Those are all really healthy things to have in relationship Those are all good things because you you're leaning into the process of getting to know someone instead of Leaning back, you know, because that's what that's what playing cool is It's leaning back because there's this belief that tension and mystery Actually, you know creates connection Tension and mystery somehow there's this belief that it creates connection. Yes, it does from an unhealthy place of Not feeling connected to another human being so temporarily it might create some attraction But that's not something to sustain from a long term So why I'm such a big proponent of women leaning into expressing if they like someone is That guess what? We men are just afraid of rejection as you are ladies. I'm gonna repeat that men are afraid of rejection Just like women are in fact men at mid-life are even more Hypersensitive to rejection This is why we see a significant number of ghosting and wishy-washy behavior and bed bread crumbing and all this stuff because men are just as equally sensitive To feeling rejection, but so many of you well He's not a real man if he can't you know put forth confidence in everything this whole narrative about real men and Confidence, can we just dispel this right now? Can we dispel this for a moment because this whole narrative about confidence the reality is I we all You hear this all the time from every coach out there What's the most important thing in dating is to be confident? And yet human beings are riddled with insecurities Men and women alike. I mean ladies. I know you follow me. You like my work and everything I have tons of insecurities and fears. Okay. I have tons of them constantly throughout the day Now I happen to be more hyper aware because I do this for a living But the reality is is most humans on some level They're more the you know, it's interesting dating triggers the number one emotional health issue Facing most everybody dating triggers this, you know, basically what I mean is interpersonal romantic relations triggers I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. I repeat that. That's what I'm spitting But that's what dating does it triggers all these things So the reality is is this whole narrative about real man and confidence and you know everything Most people are just human. They want connection They want intimacy both on an emotional and physical level. They want companionship but many people are just they're also afraid of rejection and So why I'm listen, you know, you can do what you like But I want to offer an alternative Because when a man hears the words and if there's any men listening to me today When they hear the words from a woman, especially someone who met go, wow, you're really cool. I like you Wow, you're really cool. I like you. I got a I'm runny nose again. Wow, you're really cool. I like you You know that perks a man up. I mean if a man feels the same way He's gonna appreciate that, you know Why is it this whole stupid narrative of dating is all this push pull game that people play this Manipulative game of not being vulnerable Authentic and transparent. This is the stupid game being played This is why I highly recommend reading the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated because it takes out the Stupid gender rhetoric that creates so much of the anxiety in this realm What's so wrong with saying? Wow, you're cool. I like you. Wow, you're cool I like you and by the way, what ladies when you hear it from a guy now, let's now I want to differentiate Okay, when you hear it from a guy, it can feel great or I want to differentiate love bombing where someone is just Vomiting their feelings for you. They're vomiting how they feel about you. That's a little bit different That's a lot different. I'm not talking about Vomiting how you might feel about someone. I'm simply saying in a very kind loving way Just simply say to a guy, you're cool. I like you. I'd like to get to know you I think you'd be fun to get to know these are little simple things you can say I think it'd be fun to get to know you. You seem like a fun guy You're cool. I like you and a man should be doing the same thing If he feels the same way let's I want to encourage everybody to stop And look it. There's some very valid reasons why we might have walls up Okay, it's there's some very valid reasons in fact I'll I'll lean into that a little bit today because there's some real reasons why we might be afraid Okay, and when we are in fear It's very important to lean into it to step into what might be coming up for me What might be coming up for me because many people have gone through a Significant amount of trauma a significant amount of trauma The thing is the vast majority of humans that if you've reached midlife and those who follow my work know that midlife is After baby making years and before retirement. So the predominant my predominant audience is 42 to 69 Although thankfully I have younger people following me and I have people in their 70s following But the reality is as humans are riddled with flaws because many have unhealed wounds and traumas that make it very difficult To lean into a really healthy path of relationship But this is why I often say to women who follow my work is that most men are good people Most men are good people. They're just bad daters and by the way, it's because women and women are not because women are equally bad at dating as well I It's so I I get so Frustrated when I hear from women complain and complain and complain about men as if women are are absolutely Puritan in this whole process. That's a crock if I've ever heard one because women can easily step into fear anxiety frustration hurt pain sabotage This is a very human condition. So what if what if we started to treat the process a little bit different? What if we just said, hey, you're cool. I like you. I think it'd be fun to get to know you Simply say that Test that out if you've got a date with someone and you genuinely like them I want you to test that out the next time you go out on a first date and see how the guy responds Does he does he reject you? Does he rebuff you? I mean, I'm assuming if there's a little bit of chemistry between you or does he lean in? Ladies it's time that we all start leaning into a more Radical approach to dating what I mean by radical I mean radical honesty Radical honesty we need more radical honesty Instead of this stupid game playing a narrative that is being taught over and over again And boy don't get me started on the whole masculine and feminine energy Conversation because that's another thing. All right. I was the one that started that I'm just gonna matter of fact I think I'll talk about that in this live stream today All right, so just to repeat a couple things. Oh By the way, there's this stupid belief I want to add this I wrote this down There's a stupid belief that you should not tell a man She like a man likes because it's gonna backfire and I just want to dispel that too when you're honest when you're authentic When you're vulnerable authentic and transparent if you're speaking from the heart you can't backfire with the wrong guy I'm gonna repeat that you can't backfire the wrong guy. So once again, just lean into saying I think you're cool I like you it'd be fun to get to know you and then be quiet and hear what he has to say Did this help did this resonate with you? I hope it did All right, we're gonna jump into the Q&A in a second But before we do I have a couple announcements First off a big moment in the Jonathan as I understand men now universe here on YouTube is we hit 50,000 subscribers today Yay 50,000 subscribers I want to thank every single one of you for helping me make that happen. Let's get to a hundred thousand before the end of The year, okay. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart Everybody I really do appreciate all your love and support And if you haven't hit that like yet like button yet, please do so if this content re-resonated with you All right, it's we're celebrating. We got a Moscow Mule, which is a little bit of seven diet seven up Baca and a line And my cozy little by the way, this has been in the fridge My Moscow mule cup. So I want to lean into a conversation before we take questions And by the way, if you have a question you can hit a super sticker or super chat And then post your question there if you do so all the funds from the super sticker and super chat goes to a foundation I'm starting for Connor my son who passed away and the funds go to Creating a scholarship fund for those who are seeking personal development work So I'm in the works of doing that and I hope to get that set up by the end of the year Be patient with me But and if you do have a question and you don't purchase this super sticker write the word question Colon and then write your question after that way. I can see it in the chat box Now I want to talk about a topic today. This is the topic. I want to lean into today by the way, thank you all for the congratulations and again, everybody please hit like but I Want to talk about wounded men wounded men? because I Want everybody to lean into something really important and I've got to pull up a meme that I'm looking for as well So bear with me Where did I post that meme? I'll find it in a little bit But wounded men Here's the thing. I'm not I'm noticing a lot of new clients coming my way and they're in Relationship with men who are rather wounded, okay wounded emotionally So I want everybody I want to lean into this conversation because I think it's really important to understand What's going on within a human being when they're wounded? Okay? Now if you follow my channel, you know I talk Incessantly about childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas and Even somebody who grew up very vanilla very good home and everything can still Experience trauma and childhood it could happen from a parent it could happen from a school teacher It could happen from kids at school I'm gonna share with you something that happened with me two things to significant happen with to me when I was in third grade I was studying for a math test and I busted my butt with my dad to do my My sixes, you know one times one all the way to one time six all the way to six times six And I studied my butt out and I create a little graph for me to study with and it was time to take the test And I put my graph in my my drawer I think in a book and I did the test and or we took the test and I was the only one that got a hundred percent In fact most couldn't even get past their third their third times, you know And I got all six and the teacher was wow way to go and then she did something weird She rushed over to my desk. She rummaged through my desk She found my my practice sheet and in front of the whole classroom. She said you cheated you're stupid You cheated you're stupid in front of everybody. I want you to imagine When you're in third grade, what held are you in third grade eight years old nine years old a nine-year-old brain Can't comprehend an adult saying you're stupid. You're a cheater and From that moment on and by the way, I used to at that moment at that time I got tested in my IQ at second grade and I had a very high IQ From that point on I was barely a C student that crushed me emotionally And and I did well I mean eventually still did well in school But for the longest time even at this age, I still feel like I'm stupid That's an a that's a childhood. That's an example of a childhood wounds Okay, and by the way many teachers that did that back and by the way when I grew up in the 60s that I mean teachers were Horrific to children back then. I mean we used to even have corporal punishment. Well, I remember the principal would take a swat at you I mean that was the generation I grew up in so could you imagine and I grew up with fairly You know normal parents. So what I'm here to say is we all have experienced a childhood wound and trauma and then move forward Into our adult lives Okay, divorce is very traumatic Divorce is not just a to an adult by the way going back to the generation I grew up in did you know most the tail end baby boomers in the early stage of Gen Xers are some of the most predominant children raised during divorces. I mean divorces started to just take off in the 70s I mean we were seeing us an explosion of divorces happening. It didn't happen before the 70s We saw an explosion of divorce attorneys and divorces. Do you know what that does to a child? You know that does to a child to watch their parents go through divorce man or woman alike that's a very traumatic experience and Most humans have gone fairly unhealed at those experiences And so but by the way, then I said there's childhood wounds and traumas. What about adult traumas job loss divorce Elderly parents passing away or someone like myself my son passed away Yeah, I mean and by the way, we've all experienced a variety of different traumas It doesn't have to be the death. It could be that the ending of a relationship like I said before Divorce this wears on us emotionally and so here's the thing and I this title I talked about wounded men, but I'm here to say that men have significant fear of intimacy Significant fear of intimacy because of traumas that may happen in their life. Just like women have fear of intimacy I can't tell you how many women I talked to on a professional level and both on a personal level from a dating level How many women I've witnessed that have absolute fear around intimacy. In fact, I created a little graph for everybody You see this little pie chart So here I put down this I'm gonna this is a rough Analogy, okay, it's just merely to illustrate a point roughly 20 percent And I'm making up this number. I'm not saying it's absolute accurate have true clinical issues true clinical issues borderline Bipolar schizophrenia personality disorders narcissism sociopaths now I don't know if that's truly 20 percent, but just to illustrate a point here and then there's another 30 to 40 percent who have had traumas both PTSD and CPTSD They've had traumas that have gone unhealed both in their childhood and adult and by the way if it goes unhealed They have difficult controlling their emotions They have difficulty of controlling their emotions and then we start moving into this category people that are hurting But they're not a lost cause But they're not a lost cause But there's still significant people are hurting and there's probably a small percentage maybe 20 percent who are strong at an emotional level So what I'm here to say oh CPT It's called complex is post-traumatic stress to order with a complex in front of it Melissa, but complex means It's it's it's been over a period of time Versus acute PTSD is usually acute complex is over time So I'm here to say that we are this is the population. We're dealing with this human beings This is why I'm such a big proponent of Leaning into Compassion for yourself and other human beings. Let me repeat that to have compassion for yourself and other human beings This is why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual war Because here's the thing my friends And that you know the interesting the title of this is don't play it cool, but I want to lean into something even much more important Play it with compassion Play it with compassion. I know women might think they're Givers and compassionate, but what I'm saying in the first date a first date Most people are hyper focused on what I can get instead of operating from a place of curiosity and compassion Because here's the thing There is a good chance you might enter into a relationship with somebody with somebody who might Be wounded and you might invest time in a relationship and I want to know I know I remember now where I put that meme I wanted to read to everybody okay, but I want to read this meme to you all it's something I posted in my community page on YouTube, but the meme goes like this It says there will always be a reason why you meet people Either you need to change their either. Let me repeat that again There's there will always be a reason why you meet people either you need to change your life Or you are the one that will change theirs. I'm repeat that Either you need to change your life or you are the one that will change theirs Listen, many of you are experiencing relationship with wounded people people that are hurting inside that are in fear and Maybe that fear causes them to end a relationship or not progress a relationship for whatever reason What's most important to remember? You know we could look at this as a waste of time many of you see this as oh my god I gave my heart. I wasted my time and what's worse. He's the only one. I've had the most amazing chemistry and sucks with Okay, or you can look at the the real value. What was the real value that came from this? What did you learn about yourself? What good positive things did you learn about yourself in this experience? What was good and what are you most grateful for? because Leaning into a Compassionate way of looking at these experiences With wounded men and by the way, there's for every this graph is not men and women or excuse me men This is men and women alike men and women alike men and women are hurting Because very few have done the inner work to heal the childhood wounds and traumas This is why I'm such a big proponent of reading the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process By the way, there's a link below to Jonathan recommends books along my book Also, if you want to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you There's a link below Wounded people are everywhere most everybody is walking around wounded and we can judge the experience and say oh my god That was a bad person or I can't believe I wasted my time Or you can look at it from the spiritual perspective What did I learn about myself? Was I here to learn something from him or was I here? To learn something for myself or to teach something for him or something for myself. It doesn't matter Because true love flows in a universe of give and receive and receive and give and so my hope is if you do experience wounded men That you recognize that nobody is trying to hurt most people unless you have to call it like Dr. Pat Allen says unless you have to call a doctor attorney or policeman most people aren't intentionally trying to hurt you They're doing the best they can And I can speak from I can speak from this place because ladies I've been wounded a lot Not just in my childhood not in my adulthood But even with the loss of my son and all of these wounds can wear on us Most people are trying their best to connect with others and it can be scary to connect to another human with another human being And sometimes we're not able to do it and that's okay, too Just remember we're all doing the best we can it's a journey and not a destination, okay Now it's time to take questions. So let me see what we have in the group. So bear with me I hope you found value in what I just shared with this piece about wounded men All right, let's take a look at what we have I'm gonna scroll all the way By the way, I want to thank everybody who's on right now Sadie wrote Question Jonathan my mother taught me men only want what they can't have how do I get how do I rid myself of this deeply held belief? Great question. So what we're talking about changing a belief. So let me read it again Men only want what they can't have how okay men only want what they can't have how about the right man The right man wants me How about the right man wants me the right man? Approaches me the right man invests in me Okay, we can talk about men, but do you really care about all other men? What matters most is the right guy So simply say the right man chooses me the right man invests in me the right man makes effort in me Write that five things down put it on your door. Look at it every day and Read it over and over again because that might shift your narrative. Okay, Sadie. I hope that helped. Thanks so much That was a great question All right Have you hit that like button? I hope so. Please hit that like button more people get to see this in the youtube algorithm all right I'm scrolling Oh someone jenny says thank you for sharing this story I had a childhood traumatic incident with the teacher in sixth grade teacher yelled at me in front of the whole class Yes people I think there's such an under a Under exposed aspect of personality that Came from our our our variety of different school teachers You know, I once had one school teacher slap me across the face That was very common corporal punishment was very common And so and by the way, my dad used to beat the shit out of me There's my mom and dad But I grew up in a generation where when you did something wrong You beat you know my you my dad beat up on me that happened a lot of my friends their dads punch them and stuff like that And if you can't tell me that's not as a child that's not going to affect you as an adult Hell yes, it's going to affect you as adult and ladies You've had the same things happen to you in a variety of different ways And let's not even get to the objectification of little girls and the and the violence that little boys are taught This is why this whole narrative in the dating realm of people are bad I want to change that because most humans are good people. They're just unhealed They're just unhealed And by the way, by the way, let me be clear about something in this narrative I'm not here to suggest that you invest in Crossing any boundaries for yourself. I don't want you to enable some man because he might be wounded I'm just here to say understand that there's a significant looking at this pie chart. There's a significant number of people In this population This is why when I teach my coaching program when I work with a client I teach them how to vet for emotional maturity How to vet for emotional maturity And that's one of the key things I teach in my private coaching again. There's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me So, um, my phone is ringing and I'm going to turn off and put it on mute So let's see what other questions we have Okay, wow We're getting there. I'm okay write the word question or purchase a super sticker or a super chat Someone's janey says I cried today. You said something in your book that triggered me I'm growing and loving myself. Yes, janey triggers are a good thing folks I want you to know something. I learned this at the hoffman process Triggers are a good thing. That means something needs to become up to be healed. So triggers are a thumbs up It's an opportunity to work on something and the good news is awareness is the recognition of the trigger So I say you said you're growing and loving yourself. Amen way to go Jenny uh, jenny writes my trauma has given me more resilience in my life I still have emotional stuff, but more resilience in my 40s now way to go exactly Um, melissa writes, thank you. I've had PTSD from a long-term relationship I feel sometimes like I have to flee perfect. Thank you melissa for sharing that I know that was vulnerable But this is a perfect example. Women are experiencing this just as much as men We feel fear in the process and this is why Healthy communication is an important aspect of the dating mating and relating process This is why I want to recommend the book the non-violent communication by marshall rozenberg nonviolent communication by marshall rozenberg Why this is such a critically important book is it teaches you how to communicate in a way that you can be seen Heard and understood because a lot of time communication comes from a very combative way It's always pointing the finger at you did something wrong instead of expressing it from the eye It's typically we communicate from a level of you you you you you So that's why I recommend this book and again melissa. Thank you for sharing what you did. I appreciate it All right, let's see what other questions we have here. We go sb 9017 says It's been about two weeks since you we've messaged each other. Should I text him? Should I just text him text him? All right, so um, I'm all right So I'm gonna have to make some assumptions here sb Are you in a relationship with this person? And by the way ladies when I talk about a relationship I'm talking about a relationship where you see each other one two or three times a week Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends versus a virtual relationship With such a big percentage of women on here are strictly in virtual relationships And what I mean is your pen pals over the smartphone that's simply a pen pal people you talk to via text Now here's my thing. It's been two weeks. Sure. Reach out to with reach out to him with a text say, hey, you've been on my mind How are you doing? Hey, you've been on my mind. How are you doing? But if this is a relationship you're in I think you're gonna want to talk and if he's unable to talk then I think his actions has matched his his lack of actions Has basically given me an indication that he's not interested in Pushing pursuing any further relationship with you. But ladies here's the thing It's been two weeks since we've messaged each other Who was the last person? Were you the last person that messaged him or was he the last person that messaged you? Because if he was the last person that messaged you and it's been two weeks It's on you not on him Ladies this whole thing that men are supposed to be the chasers and men are hunters and they've got to do all the work Throw that fucking bullshit out the window. This book ruined it for you Listen a healthy relationship is a two lane street two people on a two lane street Giving and receiving receiving and giving giving and receiving when I said earlier this whole bullshit about the masculine and feminine energy And the masculine, you know what pisses me off about masculine and feminine energy. Let me just tell you this is this I listen to these feminine energy coaches and they tell you ladies when you're in controlling when you're trying to control The outcome when you're being pushy you're being needy all that stuff. That's masculine Okay, and they say feminine energies just be soft and be cuddly and be receptive just be in that and men will just naturally gravitate to you first off masculine energy Is not controlling. It's not it's it's it's not controlling. It's not a negative energy So when they characterize a female negative energy as masculine, what you're saying is when a man does it That's bad and by the way you all all these feminine coaches say how you want to be with a masculine man You know because he's going to take charge and lead Folks, let me be clear about something by the way When a man is receptive to love does that mean he's in his feminine energy? Does that mean you know like so here's the thing and a lot of these feminine energy coaches say when a man is Needy and everything he's in his feminine energy. This is fucking bullshit So let me teach you what masculine and feminine energy is masculine is simply doing Feminine is simply receiving a healthy relationship is giving and receiving receiving and giving giving and receiving giving and receiving That's it. Okay. Now What these feminine energy coaches might be doing something else which is female empowerment But really if we take out the word female and we just say empowerment That is healthy shit to do Male and female empowerment is healthy male and female self love is healthy It's very healthy to be empowered. So please do it Okay, be empowered But be careful of the the narrative because it's setting you up for failure because here's the thing Just like when I said tele guy you like him think he's cool. No, jonathan. That's me being in my masculine. That's chasing No, it's not it's called being a really nice human being Let's start being human beings instead of this bullshit narrative of masculine and feminine energy You're just a human being you just as a female you have a vagina and a male has a penis. Okay Yes, there's some biological things in there. We can get into the jon grey conversation But ultimately I just want to say that Rhetoric is going to fuck you up Take it for what it's worth. It's just my perception. This isn't fact This isn't one plus one is equal to this is a perception a perspective you make your own choices from it All right. I went on a rant. Thank you so much All right, let's keep going Melissa says how much is your coaching? Check out the discovery call link and we can talk about there. Thank you, melissa All right, let's keep going So rosalyn says I spent nine years with a wounded person. I felt like it was a waste of time Well, then it then rosalyn then you have to look at why did you spend nine years with them? What was your role in this because if you can't take ownership in your part Then to say you wasted time as being in victim consciousness Do you have a choice? You can be a victim or be a victor What was the what why did you choose to stay that long and what did you learn about yourself in the process? because here's the thing folks For some people that take some 20 years to learn a single lesson And for other people that take some 20 minutes to learn a single lesson My invitation for you is do all this personal development work with the books I recommend see you can learn the lessons much faster But that narrative I felt like it was a waste of time is victim consciousness How much you know as dr. Phil says how's that working for you? Just an invitation for you to look at that All right. Do we have any questions write the word question? Okay, here we go Here's the one write the word question or purchase the super sticker. Thank you So jenny says Is it good to ask what a man wait is it good to ask what a man? What he is seeking in a woman or relationship on a dating app? This is my question because I don't want to invest in the wrong person all right This is what I would prefer everybody Pay attention if you're listening to the recording you're going to want to rewind this And if you're listening to it live, you're going to want to mark this time at 38 minutes and 40 or 35 seconds Here's the question you want to ask What does commitment look like for you? Let me repeat that somebody write it in the chat box. What does are you seeking a committed relationship? I'm sorry. It should be are you seeking a committed relationship? And if so, what does commitment look like for you? That is a much better question than saying are you seeking a woman in a relationship? Let's go deeper folks. I want to read you. This is I want to read you something. It's a meme I have I have people that know me know this meme, but I want to read everybody this okay um The meme goes like this I hate small talk. I want to talk about atoms death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life Faraway galaxies music that makes you feel different Memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite scent your childhood What keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears? I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know what's up You know most people on dating apps all they say is how's your day going? How's your day going? I hope your day is going good as your day going good. This is the bullshit crap narrative We hear over and over and over again. Okay. I encourage you Jenny go deeper You can ask that right up front Okay, it only scares the wrong guy this whole bullshit narrative that being Demonstrative effusive to be intentional is going to scare guys away. Yes You want to scare the wrong guys away ladies stop trying stop? Stop arguing for your limitations start leaning into being in charge of your relationship destiny And the more you do it the more you do it the more you do it the more you'll attract the right person for you Jenny, thank you. I love that question And everybody I thought I hope you like the meme. It's called type in google. I hate small talk Uh in google and then click images Okay Um, let's see where we're at if you have a question oops Marianne says jonathan. Thank you. You're fabulous. I appreciate your kindness and sharing all that you do I'm 68 and had a 52 year marriage that ended when I found out he was cheating on me for two years Sending you a big gigantic hug Marianne. Thank you so much for sharing what you did and 52 years. Wow But wait, were you 16 when you got married? Are younger Um, so, um sending you a big gigantic hug Appreciate you sharing. Thanks so much All right Francesca says we women are told never chase. We are also being told to not play cool confusing Yeah, I understand. It's really confusing. By the way Telling a guy you like him is not chasing Chasing is when someone is going the other direction and you're trying to bring him back when a man is standing in front of you And you're having a good time and you simply say wow, you're cool. I like you How the fuck is that chasing somebody? Please someone educate me Because I don't understand this stupid fucking rhetoric I hear from so many of these coaches that say that's chasing That's called being polite that's called being nice that's called being kind That's not chasing chasing someone is where a guy is ghosting you and you're begging him to come back That's chasing Telling a person how you feel that's called being intimate Oh my god into me. You see intimacy Huh, I get frustrated. I'm sorry. I know you're told never chase, but it's not about it's just being kind That's all I'm suggesting and it works ladies men love it when you tell them you like them Thank you so much Maria says you are amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that Nicole says Question I would love to start a long distance relationship with my guy friend. We know each other more than five years And we're afraid it won't work because of the distance, but I'm open Yay, go for it. By the way, I just did My last live stream was about long distance relationship Nicole As soon as we wrap up today go and look at the previous live stream called our long distance relationships doomed and listen to the entire 75 minutes because you're going to want to find out or at least the first 30 minutes because you're going to want to find out If it's really worth investing based on what I share. Nicole. Thank you so much Alrighty Robin says oh dear here he goes again. Yes, that was my rant Question how to tell if a man is stringing you along So I'm going to burst a terrible bubble Everybody is stringing everybody along if they're not having real communication Right from the get-go. Okay. Let me repeat that if you're not having real communication right from the get-go There is a very good chance that every most everybody will be strung along This is one of the reasons why ladies if you listen to my work I always say this before the penis goes into the vagina You better be reading the book eight dates by dr John and Julie Gottman if there is a man you like and you want to explore a relationship with If you're going to explore a relationship with someone then read this book By the way, most of you you're very welcome to have casual relationships have sex on demand whatever you want I'm talking about for those of you that truly want partnership Because here's the bottom line the reason why people get strung along and by the way nobody strings you along Here's the thing Wounded people most everybody dating men and women are wounded. Okay, they're wounded and they're in fear of expressing themselves they're in fear of being uh They're unable to be vulnerable authentic and transparent men and women alike and ladies I know this because I don't know how many of you are afraid to speak your truth to a guy Because you're afraid he's going to run away. So you're doing it just as much as them okay The only way you're going to break this narrative of wasting your time and being used and everything is if you start getting fucking intentional I scream this in I'm screaming on purpose because intentional means stop playing this stupid game the rules game based way of dating And start reading some of these books. I recommend and become intentional again in particular Here's another book How to be an adult in relationship? These are the books you should be reading to prepare yourself to be in relationship with someone Because if you're not you're going to string people along and they're going to string you along But when you can actually talk from the heart And I've had situations where I've been very authentic and vulnerable and transparent with someone when I have felt a block a resistance And I've just expressed my truth it might have the relationship might not have worked out But at least I came from a place of integrity Because I choose to be intentional about the process and I choose To be authentic vulnerable and transparent. That's why this whole playing a cool game doesn't work in the long run It's about leaning into Intentionality not leaning back Everybody knows when I do let leaning back in your feminine energy. It's just a joke. I have now So anyway, I hope that I hope that answered your question. But thank you for sharing it Okay Let's see cute uh cook cook Cookie cute says Hello, jonathan. Yes, I came across a new trend over tiktok YouTube and socials teaching men how to become the alpha male full of toxic manipulation and ignoring the other emotions sadly And it's sad that I see this but there are a significant number of people out there teaching as she expressed it toxic masculinity or very misogynistic Approach to relationship. In fact, the whole pickup artist industry is designed to trigger every one of your fears So they can just literally Huck you And use you whenever you want Now I happen to have a dear friend who's an empowerment coach to young to shy guys. That's what he does for living It's called authentic Confidence coaching. That's what he does because in his realm lady. And by the way, he mostly works with 20 and 30 years old There is a huge percentage of Kids, you know boys my son's age or men my son's age in their 20s that are absolutely afraid To talk to women Remember, I told you the byproduct of divorce earlier I'm going to tell you men and women alike are suffering deeply At intimacy because of the divorces they went through And by the way, if you have a if if someone is between the ages of say 50, let's say 25 and 55 right now the last 30 years saw such an Explosion of divorce. I want you to think of how that affects a child's mind How can they be feel safe to be comfortable with someone? This is why if you're if you follow the work Of a mere a mere levine and rachel heller the book attached talks about something called love attachment style love attachment style And love attachment style is there's three basic love attachment styles. There's anxious Avoid it and secure anxious avoid and secure now. I believe the book Is incorrect in something because it talks about the population of single and Couples but in the single realm I would say a significant percentage of people are in the anxious or avoiding category And what that means is anxious means they're desperate for love and avoid it means there's hyper afraid of love And it's just it's it's fear. It's it's a coin. It's one side of the coin It's it's fear is the coin one side becomes needy and one side becomes distant. Okay, and Interesting enough men tend to be more avoidant and women tend to be more anxious I believe that's anecdotal on my part although i'm an anxious attacher The reason why I say that is women tend to want relationship more than men Not that men don't want relationships, but women are more bred that way than men men are bred to spread their seed And women are bred to be nurturers. Okay, so i'm just saying it from that context so Why it's important to understand all this is because we might be dating people that are wounded Now in my coaching practice, I teach you how to to vet for emotional wounding to at least people who choose people Are emotionally mature and how do you do that? You say hey, I like it. We're you dating someone Hey, let's read this book together to see if we're a good fit for one another And if a guy rejects it then he's probably not going to be a good mate for you That's why I keep saying this over and over and over again And by the way, it's important to learn each other's love language. Are you familiar with the book the five love languages? I recommend learning somebody's love language because here's the other problem in relationship A lot of times you're not speaking the same love language and the love languages go like this words of Affirmation, although for us leos it's words of adoration because we leos love to be adored I'm just kidding. So words of affirmation physical touch quality time Access service and gifts and so if you're not familiar with the five love languages I highly recommend reading it and then if you're dating someone I highly recommend reading the book and doing the quiz online together to find out what his love language is So you can start connecting at an emotional level. Can I please? Ask everybody to do this for me and hit a like hit the like button if you agree Thank you. All right Let's keep going Dallas says We've been friends for two years and in february we naturally developed into more We were seeing each other for four months and became very close and out of nowhere He just stopped replying to my texts and that text now what? Okay Now, um, I just want to confirm dallas when you see each other I just want to make sure it's physically see each other and not face time. Okay so, um What most likely happened And I bet you anything if you knew about his childhood and about it does he have any traumas? It does he have any traumas in childhood or does he have any adult traumas? Especially in the area of relationship that caused him to feel fear Here's the reason why he pulled away because he reached his emotional limit He reached his emotional limit of how far he can lean into Intimacy and then he got scared and he ran away He got scared and ran away. It is a very common thing for men and women to get scared and run away Men typically go silent women tend to become needy when this happens But it's very common for these things to happen. So we have a choice We can judge the experience and say we waste our time or we can say what did I learn about myself? What it was good and what am I most grateful for from this experience? Now if I were you I I would call him on the phone reach out to him if your boyfriend and girlfriend and go What the fuck is going on? Ask him the question be demonstrative lean into it because look at he's a grown listen I'm not trying to give people a pass for their wounding Let me repeat that I'm not suggesting giving people a pass you can call him out on their shit Okay Jump on the phone find out what's going on and if he's unafraid to talk Then write him an email saying hey, thanks for the time. I wish you all the well Don't contact me again and block him from your phone. But call him out on it You can do it also in a nice way. Hey, I feel you distance And I'm sure something's coming up for you And I just want you to know that you can talk to me about it and I'll under whatever you say. I'll understand Whatever you say, I'll understand whatever you say. I'll understand all I'm asking is just tell me how you're feeling That's how you call someone out You just express what's coming up for you speak your truth. Just do it from a kind loving place Can I ask everybody to do that? Please? Thank you so much for your question dallas. I appreciate it Nicole says I love your videos by the way. Thank you Okay, joss says Me and my date had an uncomfortable fight now He is using that as an excuse to not knowing what he wants How can you get back to normal flow of things? Sometimes people disagree Now when you say the word date, is it a first date? Or do you mean your boyfriend and with your boyfriend? How long have you been together? But here's the thing um Again, I go back to my book speak your truth do it with kindness and if it's sincere and from the heart look at Chapter nine chapter nine What does that say everybody? Here's my book if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person You can't say the wrong thing to the right person just speak from your heart Just say you know what sweetheart? I can't believe we got into a fight over something so trivial It's in retrospect. It was you know, it's so non consequential and you know I feel like we have something between us Let's just sit and talk about it because i'm really grateful for blank and well actually time out I'm going to share a story I've shared this story before So my significant relationship a couple years back I was in We were um, we had to do a speaking gig up in uh, northern california The topic was called we need to talk bring up the touchy subjects and we created this great outline together And we were all excited and the night before the speaking gig there we went out to dinner and um And as we were walking back, uh, we got into a fight over something and this fight escalated escalated escalated We're in a hotel room and by the way, you could hear us like you could hear us 20 doors down. I mean it was like the screaming was you think i'm loud Take what I do is on my videos and take it a hundred fold and this is what's going on And she's calling she's like i'm gonna go back home and she's calling the airline trying to get a ticket going and i'm like Okay, whatever you want And then I stopped and I said sweetheart Do you know what i'm grateful for about you? I'm grateful that you accepted me in my deepest shame I'm grateful that you've been kind and loving to me I'm grateful you helped me create a better relationship with my sons I'm grateful you didn't reject me when you learned I lived with my parents And i'm grateful for the love and kindness and care And joy you bring into my life and I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you And then I paused And as I was sharing these five things of gratitude I could see the ice melt And I invited her to share what she's grateful for And as she began to share the ice melted and we were able to have a conversation quite frankly what we were fighting about Was so effing stupid I was being stubborn. She was being stubborn gratitude Is the grand healer of everything Let me repeat that gratitude is a grand healer So begin to express gratitude ladies Your relationship should have a multivitamin every day of attention affection and appreciation gratitude Every day if you give that multivitamin of attention affection and appreciation every day You're going to have a greater chance of success because of these instead of this passive way of Leaning back and winging it. Everybody's just leaning back in their feminine energy and winging it. You know, there's no intentionality Gosh, i'm going to come back to this book. If the Buddha dated read this book Read eight dates. In fact, read this. Oh another great book. Here's another great book mating in captivity by ester perel Oh my god, you have to read this so you can understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and ladies You are in charge of your relationship destiny Not the guy you are in charge of your destiny and quite frankly women are the emotional leaders of a relationship Not men because when I shared that gratitude piece with you Let me tell you it was a woman who connected me to my heart and that wasn't my mother In fact, that was the last thing my mother was my mother used to criticize me growing up and she used to she used to I mean, I love my mom dearly, but she used to berate me all the time And condemn me all the time. So it wasn't my mother that connected me to my heart It was a woman. I was in relationship with ladies You can make a difference in your lives and in the men lives by leading by example Instead of passively dating in this lean back feminine energy bullshit All right, i'm done with that rant Ah Thank you so much joss all right Don edward said hurt people hurt people. Yeah hurt people hurt people not Kind loving people don't hurt people somebody who's deeply wounded is who hurts people People don't intentionally hurt people. They're doing it because they're hurting. Thank you so much don for sharing that Robin says wow, he really does tell it like this. Thank you Um, michelle says jenathan is the best big brother. Yes ladies if I could be there for you on your first dates When you go out with a guy i'm your big brother there. I've got the shotgun I'm looking at your date and saying look if you fuck with my sister Guess what's gonna happen? So you better treat her nice My point is that's really a narrative for like look. I want you to be intentional not passive I want you to be intentional and not passive. That's all Thank you, michelle. I appreciate that Yvonne says yes. I love that about jonathan. Thank you Nicole wrote down when I shared earlier. What does commitment look like for you? Do you want to be in a committed relationship? And if yes, what does commitment look like for you take out the words? Relationship and use the words commitment Because a lot of you ladies when a guy says, oh, yeah, I want a relationship. Well, what the fuck does that mean a relationship? By the way ladies, I'm gonna tell a story. Okay. I'm getting riled up again I was I was coaching a woman some years back She was in a nine month relationship and she's calling me up because she wants some advice and she says jonathan I just want more commitment out of my guy. I'm like great. What does that look like for you? Well, jonathan, I just want more commitment from my guy. I'm like, great. What does that look like for you? But jonathan, I just want more commitment from him This by the way, this was on the phone. I'm dramatic dramatizing this I'm like, great. What does that look like for you? And she screamed it louder again as if saying it louder was the definition If you don't know what commitment looks like for you, it's going to be very hard to actually get the guy To to when I say get the guy what I mean to say is if you don't know what it looks like for you I'm telling you most guys have no clue. By the way, if you follow my work, you know, I always say the same I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together being partners in each other's life Both on a personal and a professional level and intimacy both emotional and physical intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married I know what I want and I invite you by the way, most of you ladies when you I mean All of you think of relationships in the clouds you think of it from the fairy tale fantasy realm And I mean every fucking single one of you How many of you have it listed just think about it this way I want you to go to your calendar right now and plan out one year What are all the activities you're going to do in this brand new relationship you're in? Because that's what the relationship commitment looks like Plan it out for a whole year. You went to disneyland one day. You went to the beach one day You went to you went to dinner at mastros one day Plan it all out. You spent time with your kids on this day plan it out because that's what it looks like Can I get an amen, please? Thank you Moscow Mule by the way All right, let's see what other questions we have Big brother you have fans. Thank you Okay Uh, I enjoy a good rant and your teachings. Thank you question from pat Do dating sites send random text message to get A hold of a person I don't you know what here's the thing if it is it's the best guarded secret I wouldn't be surprised. Let me just put it that way. I wouldn't be surprised They're a money business. They're a business brand for the money All right, let's see what we have here. Oh, we've got a couple amens Amen working on that Oh, sorry. I meant to do this one. Oh gosh, where did that question go? um Bear with me the questions this keeps moving fast. Okay question What do you do with a man who doesn't like to really plan even a meal? Guess what you can do it By the way, folks, I'm a terrible planner. I really am I'm going to be honest with you. I'm terrible at planning In fact, uh, I have a I have a couple friends, but one of my friends is in a relationship with a woman and she's the social calendar She plans everything. He just shows up in pays and I don't mean it that cavalierly I mean, he does have tickets to the hollywood ball Uh, by the way, I'm blessed my best friend I don't have a picture of him up But he has the front box at the hollywood bowl and it's hollywood bowl season now So I'm really excited. Um, but his is his um his girlfriend Is the social planner of their relationship. It's okay to plan things Okay, it's absolutely okay. Some people aren't bad at it. I'm bad I'm bad at planning things. It doesn't mean I can't do it and I'm sure he's planned things before It's just that's not his expertise. So you know what a good relationship is you find balance What are you both good at? My mom and dad is a perfect example of of a mutual exchange My you know, my dad took care of the bills. My mom took care of cooking Let's stop creating it. By the way, you can also say, hey, look, sweetheart I'd love it if you plan something for us. I really would appreciate it and make me really happy You could say things like that or you just plan it. Let's stop making Let's stop putting the box of all men or women are supposed to be and treat it from a spiritual perspective Emmy that's my suggestion for you Okay Mandy says I'm dead-ass laughing my ass off. Thank you Okay Oh, wow. Okay. Let's see if there's any other questions Maria says I'm in a wonderful relationship, but I don't want to get married or move together move in together I'm assuming I'm divorced in 56. Is that normal? Yes. That is very normal. It's very normal And it's good that you know that so Maria. What does commitment look like for you? Let's hear about it Please share it with the group. Thank you Monica says amen brother. Thank you Todd says, oh we got guys here Todd. Thank you for keeping it real for the men. Thank you. I appreciate that I'm an equal opportunity Judger and by the way, what I mean by that is ladies I will throw men and women equally under the bus because here's the bottom line Look at men have bad behavior women have bad behavior Most bad behavior is because hurt people do hurt things. Okay, but men and women alike can act poorly I can tell you It took a woman calling me out on my shit once that really woke me the fuck up. I'll never forget this This was 2010. I was belligerent on a date because I had alcohol poisoning And the next morning she called me out on it But she did me the biggest favor in my life because I had I realized I didn't eat before we went out for drinks and I drank something that Literally gave me alcohol poisoning and I acted like an absolute jackass And that made me actually pay more attention to when I drink and now when I go out One cocktail one glass of wine. That's it. I mean I used to be able to drink three or four Fuck or more. I stopped that shit. That woke me up. Don't do that again for me. Anyway, so Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that Palma writes that that is the right when you start dating you have to be honest Say it how it is what you want and expect what you what you are your core values exactly Okay, if we have a question write the word question Write the word question and post a question or purchase a super sticker or super chat Okay, jenny writes the jerry maguire line. You completely made dating worse exactly Nobody completes you except yourself way to go Okay, if you have a question post the word question Leaf says come on people 188 likes with 350 people watching do me a favor if you're listening right now put on pause hit that like right now and come back Thank you so much. I appreciate that leaf Okay, mildred says what does a guy really mean when he says Don't want to lose your friendship Well, I I think it's point blank. He means I don't want to lose your friendship It means he doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you, but he cares about you look at um I'm not at this stage in my life. I don't necessarily want to collect friends Okay, because it does take time to I mean too Friendships do take time and I think investing in a romantic relationship is where I want to put my energy However, I I'm blessed to have made great friends along the way when someone says I don't want to lose the friendship It's simply saying I like you, but I just don't want to be in romantic relationship with you Um And you've got to make a choice there if that's okay, then you accept it if it's not okay A boundary simply says what's okay or what's not okay with for you And you've got to decide that for yourself. So I hope that helps. Thank you Question joth and I posted a question earlier shelly if you're going to post please I can't find them. So if you want to post it again do it right now. I'll look for it um So post it again Angela everett. I think I've been putting forth more effort up till a few days ago I made videos and took selfies which I never do questions. Why? Oh, this is part of another conversation. Excuse me everyone. I didn't mean to do that Okay Shelly, thank you for the super sticker now. Where's your question? um I'm going to take this question Shelly write your word question so I can find it. Um, I'm paying attention for it. Okay. Fifi writes How do you take it to the next level with a guy you met two weeks ago? I never dated a single dad, but we have a hard time scheduling um Have sex with them. I mean, is that what you mean by the next level because that's I mean I don't know what you mean by the next level, but uh That to me is probably the next level, but then again, I'm a guy I think this way that to me is the next level. So have sex with them But I'm assuming you want something else. So what is the next level for you? Tell us what that is because that's how you'll know how to tell him that Figure it out for yourself and just kindly tell him that that's my invitation for you Okay, shelly. Where's your question? I don't see it Okay By the way, folks, I want to tell you something There is it's so hard for me to see when someone posted a question I went through it So sometimes you might have to repeat write the word question cut and paste it put it back So I can see it in the queue because it's very hard for me to find these So live Please repost it Lillian, how do you tell a friend you're interested? We like each other already Because we've been friends a long time Ask him out on a date. That's how you do it. Simply say, hey, I'd like to take you out for drinks And then see what happens. I'd like to take you out for drinks my treat. See what happens I don't know why everybody's so weighty. Why are you so fucking afraid to make the move? We are in a whole different ballgame the old narrative of traditional dating You better start throwing it out the window Because 20 year olds know how to do it a lot better than 40 50 and 60 year olds because of the stupid fucking book the rules Lillian call them up. Take them out for drinks. Be flirty with them and see what happens Oh, sorry. Okay um Oh, okay. So shelly asks why do avoidance return days weeks months later? Okay now. Thank you. So shelly's question Why do avoidance return days weeks months later? Okay, here's the thing avoidance are afraid of intimacy And yet there it doesn't mean that they don't have a capacity to care for another human being So most likely he cares for you. Okay, he cares for you But he's unable to go past a certain point in his emotional intimacy So the reason why he reaches out is because he likes you ladies But here's the bottom line if the penis gets to go in the vagina on a regular basis Then read this book with a guy Figure out if you're a good partner material and then move on if you're not It takes being a level of intentionality to have any chance for success. I want you to read this book This might help read the book. Are you the one for me? Are you the one for me by um oops by um Barbara de angeles that might help you read that book all right Nicole, what if your guy friend sends you an awesome and cool gift over the years? Makes me wonder if we could move forward for a casual relationship like I say before I'm open Ask him out take him out to dinner be flirty with him and see what happens I mean really that's as simple as that Ask him out for drinks be flirty with him and see what happens And if nothing happens, you've got your answer Simple simple simple can someone write the word simple because it's that fucking simple All it takes is just asking Lillian says but we do go out and it's all his friends and he pays I'm saying Lillian Ask him out for drinks your treat just you and him and flirt with them Oh, but Liz says we can't take rejection. Oh Oh Okay, it's just men can take rejection. By the way folks Listen, we have a choice in life. We can get busy living or get busy dying. Look at that, you know It takes a level of con you know going back to the idea of confidence, but just bravado is what I mean Just do it Because what's the worst thing that's going to happen Is the sky going to fall If ladies is the sky going to fall if a guy says i'm not interested in you And by the way, no man ever says it that way, but is the sky going to fall Are you going to have a heart attack and die? No In fact, why not lean into it with a state of curiosity fun? By the way, these are men that you're interested in Okay, so by the way, we You know, I got to share with you. I'm very blessed Since I began my youtube channel a lot of women reach out to me with kind loving messages Interested in dating me. I I do I I really am Appreciative and fascinated. What fucking balls does that take? I mean most of them. I'm not I don't even know who they are They know me, but I don't know them But I think that takes great balls and I mean that not from a penis perspective I'm talking from a from a from a bravery perspective. It's absolutely okay Don't listen to the other rhetoric. By the way, if that rhetoric was so great, why does it not work? Try my method. I'm just offering you a perspective is all Ah, okay Jonathan yes, the sky will fall because I haven't liked anybody in 12 years until I met him You know, like I always say get busy living or get busy dying USA star says I went on a date with an acquaintance. I've known for two years after our date I didn't hear from him besides small talk. It's been two months. Is it too late to express how I feel about him well, so It sounds like you have an agenda, right? You feel something about him, but you're not let me ask you this If he doesn't want to be in relationship with you You know, how will you feel about that? Because if you if you if you're okay with his response then go ahead and express how you feel Okay, but you have to be okay with how he responds and if you're not okay, then don't do it but I just said You get one shot at this third rock from the sun one shot at this go for it You've got nothing to lose other than you're stepping into your empowerment and the worst thing that's going to happen It's going to hurt for a day or two Okay We get back on the saddle you fall off the horse you get back on again Question have you dated someone you found out found out this person is bisexual? Wait a minute. Let me read this again. Have you dated someone and found out this person is bisexual? No, I have not dated anyone that told me they were bisexual I did date a woman who said she was into threesomes, which I thought was fucking cool But no, that hasn't happened to me. Now. Are you asking what should I do if it happens to me? You got to answer that for yourself. I can't tell you how to answer, you know, how to look at that one But you got to lean into it for yourself kitty cat says Um John question. He says I love you, but I'm not in love with you But who knows that I wait, let me read this again. He says I love you but not in love with you But who knows what I will feel in three six nine months Nothing changed. He loves me, but not in love with me. I'm not in love with him though. I've been Wait a minute Okay If you two years you've been with them for two years. Look it it doesn't take two years for someone to Someone to fall in love. Okay. It doesn't take two years. Okay Somewhere in the first listen Most likely what you're experiencing is what's known as stable ambiguity stable ambiguity by at the book by uh ester para It's basically you're in a relationship that's monogamous and exclusive But it's ambiguous to where this relationship is going and my suspicion is that's what's going on here And so when a man says I love you, but I'm not in love with you that basically means I like you I like spending time with you I like fucking you But I'm never going to go the distance with you. I'm never ever in this whole thing I'll it might change in three six nine months. What a fucking Fuck that guy. That's bullshit That's just bullshit on his part Now it's bullshit because he doesn't fucking have a consciousness around him And he doesn't care about your feelings because someone who genuinely cares about your feelings would never say that That's just a delay stod tech stall tactic because the two of you probably haven't read this book and followed What's in the book if you're dating someone for two years ladies if you're not doing this book together What's that old saying hurt me once shame on You hurt me twice shame on me. Okay shame on you Start doing the work ladies Ah Listen, I know I didn't get to a lot of questions. My apologies Uh, there was a lot of content here. Sometimes you're gonna have to repeat it Sometimes you're gonna have to purchase a super sticker And by the way when you do the super stickers post the question in the super sticker that way I can find it Because those pop up Um, listen everybody we covered a lot of material today. We covered Why not to play it cool wounded men all the variations of different things But the most important thing to take out of today's um video and this will be a podcast as well Is to remember to have compassion for yourself and compassion for human beings again Why I recommend my book what the heck is self-love anyway? It is through compassion of ourself and others that will have any chance of navigating this dating this Cluster fuck of dating mating and relating and my invitation for every one of you is to lean into your Entity lean into your self-worth your self-empowerment and self-esteem and ladies Recognize this men are not in charge of your relationship destiny. You are in charge of your destiny So take empowerment for yourself as a serious thing read all the books. I recommend I promise you you invest one year in your personal development self-help and spiritual work And your dating life will change dramatically. I hear it over and over and over again from my clients Thank those private clients who are working with me thanking me so much for changing their lives And my hope is this channel and the content makes a different in your life If this resonated with you, please hit that like button and please share this video with your friends And from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. Okay. I think this will be a good time to wrap up today I want to thank you all. I'm first off. I'm gonna I end it as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to a friend a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could use more love in our lives I want to thank you so much and I'll say goodbye by reading some of the names Uh char michelle. Thank you Robin big hugs to you lily in mandy emmy janey janis Kaz michael kitty cat maria janis jen Usa star lily and thank you all so much I hope you have a wonderful evening. Go rock it out. I'm gonna finish my cocktail And wish you all a fabulous day. Bye now