 Today we're gonna talk about three beautiful signs a man wants to be committed to you. So let's dive into this for a second. I want you to know that there are really good men out there. I know it can seem frustrating. We're swimming in a sea of emotional dysfunctionality and it can be very disheartening to believe that there's a good man out there. And let me just tell you, there are a lot of good men out there. In fact, I want you to begin singing the song. It's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining good men. Why? Because if you have this in your consciousness that there are good men out there, you're more apt to see the type of man that I'm about to talk about. You know, it's interesting in the male dating world they believe there are no good women out there. That's right. I belong to a number of forums where men talk about dating in relationships and in that they believe that women are the self-centric beings out there, not the men. It just goes to show you how it's kind of like this. People just point the finger at the other way. Instead of, well, it's like, okay, they're pointing the finger, but they're not looking at the three fingers pointing back at them. And this is why I'm such a big advocate for human beings to do personal development, self-help and spiritual work to heal childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. The ones that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life that makes them repel a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. Now, I know some people get offended when I say juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship, but do you see the smile? Do you see the radiance when I say that? Isn't that what we all want to experience? Something like when you bite into a piece of fruit that you just love. It's a great, I love watermelon. Does anyone else like watermelon? I love fresh, sweet, juicy, delicious watermelon. And to some degree, I want the emotional effects of a relationship to feel that way. Now, I recognize folks, and I say this for everyone, I want you everyone to recognize, relationships are a mutual effort. It is, there's going to be good times and there's also gonna be some tough times. See a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship can navigate the tough times. They can navigate the storms because they have the emotional maturity and the relationship skills to weather these storms. Now, the sad thing is most of us haven't been educated on how to effectively communicate with one another. This is why dating feels so self-centric. This is why dating can be so hyper-focused on romance because it's easy in the early stages to get amped up on lust and limerence. And if you're not familiar with what the word limerence means, Google it, L-I-M-E-R-N-C-E. Did I spell that properly? Oh, by the way, spelling was like my worst subject in school, amongst other things. Limerence means extreme infatuation. So what happens is when we resonate with another person, we might miss the signs that they genuinely genuinely want to explore a deeper relationship with us because many people are hyper-focused on the romance and attraction elements of the dating process instead of what I'm about to share that goes into a deeper narrative that I all invite you to examine. Excuse me, my coffee's really hot. My coffee mug says I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be cherished, put up on a pedestal and taken care of. This was a gift from a friend of mine. I kind of wonder if it's a little narcissistic, but I just like this. I love this style of mug. It's called the That's All mug. You can find them on Amazon. Okay, so coming back to this, and I'm gonna share these three beautiful signs in a moment. Man are pointing the finger at women or pointing the finger at men. Let's just stop pointing finger and look inward. And more importantly, I invite you all, your job is not to impress a man. Your job is not to, and vice versa, it's not his job to impress you. Ideally, two people show up as sovereign human beings and see if they're a fit for one another, see if they actually are compatible with one another. When we hyper-focused on lust in the early stages and ladies all, you've heard the term. Men are hunters and they love the chase. Well, just remember, the chase isn't like, I wanna be in a relationship, I wanna be in a relationship. That's what I'm chasing, I'm chasing a relationship. Just remember when a man is making overtly extreme effort, it's because he wants to get in your pants. Can we just call it for what it is? But you get stuck on this narrative that that's what they're supposed to do and you're not really paying attention to the more important elements within the dating, mating, and relating practice. Okay, so the first thing I'm about to share, and I put this as the highest weighted piece of this puzzle. While they're equally important, I, for me personally, this is one of the highest weighted elements of the puzzle and then he, so number one, he values your opinion and he's curious about you. I just did a post on Instagram, I wanna share it with everyone. Here's my post, just posted today. It says, dating for most people is a self-centric experience. What can I get instead of what can I give? I believe the greatest gift you can give to another is your curiosity. There's a line from the movie Blade Runner 2049. It's invigorating being asked personal questions. It makes one feel desired. Now, I go on to say some people feel very uncomfortable when a person shows genuine curiosity and other people deflect personal questions. And that's what I want to share with you. And then there are those like me who feel truly desired, valued, and respected when asked, how do you feel about that? Could you tell me more about that? So when a man genuinely asks your opinion, he asks you how you feel about something, what you think about something, or even he says something like tell me more. Now there is, he's genuinely curious. Now I believe this should happen on the very first date, true curiosity about another person. I believe the only way we can get to know someone is ask the deeper questions. And it's more like tell me more about that. I want to hear more about that. Like I want you to think about it in layers. See true intimacy is into me you see, into me you see. And no greater way to get to know someone is ask questions about their past, about their past experiences. How did it feel going through a divorce? How did it feel having that experience with your ex-wife? Now many of you will say men are supposed to be thinkers and they're logical and you should only talk in thinking questions. Hell no, it is time to change this narrative. It is, oh by the way, now I know this is what a man should be doing for you, but it goes both ways. I'm sorry, I want to be clear about this. He should be doing this. He should be genuinely curious about your opinions. You know, in my last two relationships, I continually asked them their opinions, their advice on matters. I know it's stoic for men to be strong and that you're, excuse me, that women, let me retract that. I know I'm going down two different rabbit holes. I know it's kind of the narrative that men are supposed to know everything that they should never ask their partner a question. But that's sad. That puts way too much pressure on men if we have to know everything. So when a man genuinely is curious about your opinion, he genuinely wants to know how you feel about things. This is a great sign that he values you beyond the surface. He values you beyond the physical. This is a great sign. I want you to think about, do any of you have a male friend? Do you have male friends? I think if you're a woman, you have a, by the way, do you have an opposite sex friend, maybe for those who are men watching this? You think about when you communicate with them, you're genuinely curious about their feelings. You're genuinely curious about how they think and they operate. And I think this is a great sign, a particularly in romantic relationship that a man wants to invest with you beyond the surface. He wants to invest with you beyond the surface. See, when we're all, when people are just talking about themselves, talking about themselves, talking about themselves, and they're not curious about you, that's just a self-centric. It's almost as if some people live in a bubble. Now recently I talked about these things called intimacy cards from, I got this from Amazon. It's called Best Self Company Intimacy Cards. And these are curated questions. You can ask one another, and I'm just gonna pull one out of the batch. You can ask one other to really get to know how a person thinks, how they value life. And I just pulled one out of the blue. What does your five-year plan look like? Now, to be honest with you, I don't like this one. I'm gonna throw this back, okay? And I'm gonna get to those two other things in just a moment. Let me pick some more out of here. Oh, here's an interesting. Which animal do you think is your spirit animal and why? I love, actually I like this question because it kind of gives you insight into how a person sees themselves. I've always identified with a lion, maybe because I'm a Leo, but I identify with the Leo, the lion. And why do I do that? Because on some level, he's the protector, and at the same time, he has a mate who also is a co-contributor to the health of the pride. I like that. I like that the lion is kind of like, not the leader per se, but he really cares about his pride, if you will. At the same time, the female lion is also a contributor. So I like the lion for those reasons. So here's a bunch of, my point being, coming back to this as these intimacy cards, there's a ton of, there's 150, look at that, 150 prompts. How do we truly dive and get to know a person? It is through curiosity. In fact, the meme that I included in this was the biggest quest to learn anything is curiosity. If you are curious about something, you will go and dig. See, isn't that what this is all about? To really get to know someone at a deeper level so you can feel seen, heard, understood, and safe. And that's the one beautiful sign. The second beautiful sign, he motivates you to achieve your goals and desires. He motivates you to achieve your goals and desires. Because he's curious about you, because he's investigated who you are as a person, he's asked, one of his main curious questions is, what is your desires? What are your goals in life? And then when he hears it, he's actively a participant in helping you achieve your goals. Now, this could be both professionally, this could be personally, this could be with your family. We all have certain desires and goals. For some people, it's travel. For some people, it's being, for those of us in midlife, it's being a good parent or a good grandparent. For some people, it's just getting through their professional life, whatever it is, he's an active participant in wanting you to achieve your goals, your desires in life. I always think about the line from the movie, the blind side, the blind side. Does anyone remember that movie with, oh God, what's her name? Oh God, who's the actress? It just escapes me right now. She was in speed, oh my God, who's the actress? Someone write it down, it'll come to me in a second. Oh, that bugs me. Okay, but there's a line in the movie. And she says, I've got your back, I've got your back. Or does she say that? Now I might be screwing up this quote. I'm so stuck on, Sandra Bullock, okay? I'm so stuck on that. But having your back, being protective, that's a great sign that a man wants to forge a fully committed relationship with you. This can happen very early on in the dating process. Now just remember, you have to be careful. The first six weeks is the, I wanna get in your pants period at times. So a lot of rhetoric that said during the six weeks can be really confusing. It's the six weeks thereafter, it's the three month mark. Are you seeing these signs? It's a really good sign that he wants to be in relationship with you, okay? He wants to be committed to you. He motivates you with your goals and your desires. And number three, this is so critically important. He's open to sharing his feelings about you from a commitment perspective. He's open to sharing his feelings about you from a commitment perspective. See, it's not like, oh my God, you're so amazing. You're so wonderful. Oh my God, we can take trips together. Oh my gosh, I can see myself getting married. That's all rhetoric from limerence and lust doing all the talking. When he actually talks about things like the future with you. When he actually, after the first 90 days, the first six weeks is that, this is the period of time where you gotta recognize most men are trying to get in your pants. Now you might be going, but Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship. We've been communicating for six months. This goes well past your six week period, folks. Let me be clear. If you're engaging in a long distance dynamic, it doesn't begin happening until you meet. It doesn't count until you meet, until you're physically face to face with someone. And just remember, unless you see each other frequently, which is very difficult in long distance dynamic, mostly because of logistics and because of resources, just remember those don't count when I talk about this. I'm talking about two people that live less than one hour from each other and they can see each other consistently. During this first 90 days. And within 90 days, he's talking about you from a future perspective, from a true commitment perspective, because he's already most likely had sex with you. It's like once, okay, there's something called post-nut clarity, post-nut clarity. Once a man is ejaculated, that's when you get to know his true feelings. So just remember, if he's abandoned you after sex, he wasn't that into you. He was just only getting late. If he was spending regular time with you and he's asking these deeper questions, he's investing in you and then he's talking about a future with you, that's a great sign that he wants to be committed to you. And I call these three beautiful signs because actually I borrowed this title from Stefan Speig. So I wanna give him credit. From this perspective, I meant to mention that earlier. Is this stuff sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. And if you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. All right, it's time for questions. If you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat and then the little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, you can purchase a Super Thanks. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. His nickname is Salty. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute just to name a few, okay? So again, purchase that little, and our goal today is $50. We'd like to donate $50. Okay, we've got our first question that came in from Paltry Flowers and she says, can trust be rebuilt? Can trust be rebuilt? Where's that book? My dear friend, Dr. Sherry Myers wrote a book called Chatting or Cheating. How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love in a Fair Proof Your Relationship. Now, when we talk about trust, most of the time we think of fidelity, but there could be other ways to break trust. Why I like her book, and by the way, all the books I recommend are below. Why I like her book is because it gives some real simple. I mean, by the way, the way the book is laid out is so simplistic. I gotta tell you something. You know, it's really simplistic on how it's laid out, but it can talk about how to rebuild trust. Can it be rebuilt? Absolutely, it can. Does it? Most likely not. Most human beings are rather self-centric. They're rather in their own consciousness. They're not, you know, they're not, most human beings aren't capable. However, it is absolutely possible with two conscious beings who genuinely, genuinely want to repair the relationship. And while Sweet Chick says no, trust be rebuilt, no. I disagree, it is absolutely possible. It's just highly unlikely. By the way, let's think about this. You know, okay, I'm gonna call this out. How many of you have been in a relationship and you've said a white lie? Okay, you've said a white lie. But you didn't, you know, and in that moment you've actually betrayed trust in a white lie. And then by the way, the white lie has been found out, but it doesn't affect the relationship. It's very rare that two people are absolutely in integrity all the time. It is so effing rare that two people are in absolute integrity all the time. Most people act so, they act so righteous as if they're in integrity. And God forbid, what's the saying? He who without sin cast the first stone. So I'm here to say, yeah, it's absolutely possible when you consciously are working on a relationship because people betray our trust all the time in tiny little ways all the time. And then we wonder, you know, and then we make accusations that it's impossible. Yeah, people accept bad behavior all the time too. What does that say about them? Anyway, I'm just going off on a rant here. Okay, Anna's in the house and she says, how do you push back a guy who does not, wait, how do you push back a guy who does not much your current needs? I think meet your current needs and standards with a nice and polite manner. How do you push back? Well, I'm not sure you want to push back. I think how do you want to encourage nice and polite manner? I'm always a big fan of leading by example and pointing out when you feel disrespected. You know, I think it's important that if somebody isn't being respectful for you towards you, you got to ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who's disrespecting you? I'm thinking that's what we're talking about. I could be off base because I wasn't clear, but I think it's important when you feel disrespected to express yourself. If you're not familiar with the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, every one of you should be reading this to learn how to communicate in a more healthy way in relationship. So yeah, I think you have to lead by example and also model the type of communication you like and also express when a person is not communicating in a kind, respectful manner, okay? Question, what do you think of a man who constantly brings up his childhood and first marriage constantly? Say you're like a broken record. Wait, what do you think of a man who constantly brings up his childhood first mantras? I constantly say you already told me this broken record. So some humans are stuck in a loop. They're stuck in a loop. Did you know that most humans have between 12 to 60,000 thoughts a day? 12 to 60,000 thoughts a day. And 90% of those thoughts are a repetitive thought. So this person most likely hasn't healed from his childhood and his first marriage. They are stuck in a loop. And it's not your job to be a therapist. It's not your job to hold space continually for that. If somebody is stuck in a narrative, then it's their job to go heal that narrative. It might, and it's exhausting to be with somebody who is stuck in a loop. I get that, Missy. And you may have to express yourself and maybe go to a counselor together and talk about your feelings. But most likely it's gonna be, see, think about this. If someone is stuck in the past, they can't create a future with you. It's your job to say I want a relationship where somebody is present to me. This is an invitation for you to end the relationship because if someone is constantly stuck in the past, they can't grow with you in the future. They can have companionship, connection, and sex, but it's gonna be almost impossible for them to truly commit if they're stuck in the past. Does anyone agree with me? If you do agree with me, tell Missy Jonathan is on target here. Anna says, thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate that. I'm appreciating that. Question from Magic Entertainer. I met this guy. He is 24 years old. I'm 48 now. He told me he is looking for fun. We had sex. I'm gonna say, see him once, only once a week. I have feelings. Should I wait till he does? What should I do? Okay. What's the definition of, no. All right, let me, I was gonna say, what's the definition of insanity? Well, I don't know what your pattern is, so let's not look at it from that way. Okay, so let me just give you upfront the Magic Entertainer. You're on the Titanic. There's an iceberg. Okay, you see the iceberg. Oh, let me actually give it to you a different analogy. You're walking down a street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You fall in, you're lost, you're helpless, but it isn't my fault. Takes you a long time to get out. You walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You see it again, you see it again. You fall in, you're lost, you're hopeless, you're helpless, it isn't your fault. Takes you a long time to get out. You walk down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You see it, you fall in. You take ownership that this was my fault. You get out quickly. You walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You walk around it. And then the next chapter, you walk down a different street. Okay, what's my point in this analogy? He's how old, let me look at this again. He's 24 years, he's half your age. He's only looking for fun and you have sex. And you have feelings for him. And you're waiting for him to have feelings for you. The probability of that is less than 1%. Well, let me tell you why. Well, there's always exceptions to the rule. He doesn't, he's a, at best, he's a three-year-old adult. Okay, I want you to think about this. Let's say adulthood starts at age 21 instead of 18. Okay, let's say adulthood starts because most of us, it used to be in my generation by the time you're 18, you were kicked out of the house. Now kids are in their house. By the way, does he live with his folks? If he still lives with his folks, he's not an adult, okay? So his adulthood begins the minute he is on his own, okay? And I'm just gonna assume it's age 21, but probably not. He's only a three-year-old adult. He's got little or no life experience. What is your expectation? If it's simply that he has feelings for you, sure he physically has feelings for you, but his capacity to lean into the kind of things I talk about to fully commit to you is highly unlikely. So this is, you're on the Titanic. Now you can, the good news is you can get off of this. You can get off the ship, okay? You most likely won't because it feels good. And by the way, it's okay to have casual sex. I'm not here to judge that. You're welcome to have what you want, but you said I have feelings for him. And trust me, that means attachment. And it's going to feel like hitting an iceberg if you're attached and it doesn't work out. Does anyone agree with me? Say, Jonathan, I agree with your assessment towards magic entertainer, all right? That's my opinion. You're more than welcome to write me and tell me you think otherwise, okay? Oh, Alexa wants to say, Missy, Jonathan is spot on. Even Missy goes on to say, I agree 100%. I broke it off. I just feel so bad. He has a sweetheart. I could see our future though. Thanks, Jonathan. All I need, I just confirmed that I did the right thing. Okay, good. Oh, magic entertainer comes back and says I want to meet the right person, but I thought I could have something casual until I do. He told me that he can't afford a relationship. His financial problem has to Uber for food, lives with his cousin, okay? All right, so folks, I think energetically speaking, if you have a friend with benefit and you're actively still looking for a relationship, and I'm talking about a conscious, healthy relationship, you are blocking true energetic soul love. It is absolutely easy to enter into what's known as a transactional relationship, a transactional relationship is where you are basically giving to get something, okay? You're giving maybe your time. You're giving your money. Men do this all the time. They give their financial resources so they can get sex, okay? That's a transactional relationship. Women will give sex to get some level of security. That's a transactional relationship. And I think getting into a transactional relationship is very common. It's probably the most common of all relationships. Here's the thing, when you seek a conscious relationship and you have a friend with benefit or you're just, and you're rationalizing, well, it's okay that I have sex, then you'll most likely find yourself when you do meet someone, you'll find yourself in some level of transactional relationship. And by the way, the first example I gave you in transactional is the most common, but there are multiple layers of transactional relationship. For some men, you are their therapist. That's the transaction. He pays for dinners and dates and you are his therapist. You're unbeknownst therapist, okay? Many of you find yourself in situationships. In other words, the trade office, he's paying for things, he gets sex from you, but there's no level of real commitment in this. Many of you are in what's known as casual or transactional relationships. And that's my concern for you, Magic Entertainer. While you're holding out for your soul relationship, you will block the soul relationship by being engaged with someone else and then you'll get yourself into a transactional relationship in the future because it's blocking a soul relationship. That's my concern for you. Carol is in the house and she says, why do I keep attracting unavailable men? I'm also meeting a man that wants me to be second woman. Can you recommend a book that can help me with this issue? Now, my book isn't, my book is an exact, I'm gonna recommend my book right now. What the heck is self-love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work? Has nothing to do with what you're talking about other than your sovereignty, okay? I'm gonna recommend another book in a moment, but your sovereignty, okay? Now, why do you attract emotionally unavailable men? Because 980% of men and women out in the dating market pool are emotionally unavailable or emotionally constipated. And ladies, did you hear me? I said men and women, I know you all, you individually think you're above everyone else. This is the specialness that is talked about in the course of Miracles. Everybody thinks they're the unicorn, okay? Now I am gonna recommend a book that's directly related. It's called Why Men Love Bitches, from doormat to dream girl, a woman's guide to holding her own. Now, I don't love everything in this book, and let me just tell you what bitch stands for. Babe in total control of herself, yes, okay? What I do like in this book is the empowerment it encourages women to have for their own sovereignty. I don't like the game playing part of the book, okay? But I love the sovereignty part of the book. And so I invite you to check out that book and there's a link below in Jonathan recommended books, okay? By the way, does anyone wanna join the hot seat? Does anyone wanna join me live? Let's get you on the hot seat. I'm gonna put a link right here. If you wanna join me live, let's talk, okay? All right, let's keep going, let's keep going. Amy says, best way for people our age to meet, screen them. Okay, I guess that's a response to something, okay. Susan writes, I asked my live-in boyfriend of two years what's in intentions for our future? And he stonewalled me, got upset, flipped my own feelings as flip my feelings as his own shut down. Should I deal with him? You've gotta listen, folks, make a stand for what you want, okay? It sounds to me you're in a transactional casual relationship. Living together, now living with someone is a good sign that they're at least making an investment in you, but the reality is is sometimes living together is just to share expenses. I was talking to a therapist right after when COVID hit. Oh, this was about, was it a year, the first year after COVID. And she told me that her practice was filled with couples who had moved in together during COVID that were brand new relationships. And they were struggling because they moved in together for financial resources to share financial, to take advantage, to utilize their mutual resources to cut down expenses, okay. And a lot of people do that, but they're not really compatible with one another. So you're, by the way, I believe after one year, you should, if you've spent four seasons with a person for those states that actually have four seasons in California, we have one season, kinda two. But well, we have June bloom too. Anyway, my point is, is once you've gone through four seasons with someone, it's time to have real serious conversation. What's the point of this? Other than, just remember today, okay, unlike hundreds, if not thousands and thousands of years, people committed to each other fully, okay. Now we can partially commit. In fact, what many of you find yourself in is what's known as a placeholder relationship, because most people enter into the dating practice without intentionality. Look, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date, I'd have a shotgun pointed at the guy's face and say, what's your intentions with my little sister? My point is, intentionality means everything. How two people enter into a relationship will give you a clue of how it will perform. And if you enter into it ambivalent, naive, ambiguous, ambivalent, naive, or ambiguous, you only have yourself to blame. I'm walking down a street, there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. Remember, discernment, intentionality, along with chemistry, is the recipe for relationship success. And if you need some support with that, look right there. There's a link to schedule a discovery call with me, the CF working with a coach is right for you. There's a link below. My area of expertise is to help you vet for those men who are ready, men that are ready to give you the three beautiful signs he wants to commit to you. Thank you, Susan. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Tech, TX mom says, he can still be jealous, not want others to have sex with you, but not commit. Yes, that is true. A man will covet, men are territorial. They will want you to only be exclusively having sex with them, but there are plenty of men that won't commit to you. I get that, I agree. Okay, question from Kaz. Is it a transactional relationship necessarily bad if I'm happy and she seems to be okay with it? Do most women, they're happy with it for the short run, but remember that given that 80% of divorces are initiated by women because of a lack of intimacy, into me you see. A transactional relationship is rarely, and it might be a sexual relationship, but it's not an emotional intimate relationship. So the answer to your question is, is it okay? Well, everything is okay, there's no judgment here, but if you want a transactional relationship to seed, add emotional into succeed, add emotional intimacy into the mix. Most humans, that's why I recommended these intimacy cards earlier. Most humans really don't build the deep roots of trust, the deep roots of trust. One of the things I talk about in my private coaching is the five deep roots of trust, and that includes emotional connection, pretty much centered around your love language, economic agreement because given that money is the cause of a big percentage of divorces, it's all, it's important to be on the same page. The introduction of social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling, teamwork building skills and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that builds the deep roots of trust. I think one of the reasons why my clients are fine, I mean, I get calls each week, Jonathan, I met a great guy, Jonathan, I met a great guy, Jonathan, I met a great guy, and what they mean is they know the difference because of how these men show up, because they are showing up in their full sovereign self. I'm just going, and they're not accepting of transactional relationships. Okay, let's keep going. Esther says, oh my God, after four significant relationships, no regrets, I am who I am now from gaining self-awareness and growth, exactly. Carol says, thank you, Jonathan, you're very welcome and Wanda's in the house. Question, I dream about having bad dates with just meeting a new guy. They have red flags right off, then somewhere in the, in it, an ex bails me out. It's weird, why do I dream like this? It's interesting, I had a dream last night, I'm going to answer you. I had a dream last night that I had to write down and I want to call my coach about it. But I believe within dream therapy, it's possible that you are each person in your dream, okay? And we are playing a character within ourselves. That's one thing I, from what I understand, I think that's Jungian dream therapy. I could be completely mistaken. So God, I should share with you my dream. I was, it was a date, I had a date with someone and it turns out I completely forgot the restaurant, we're dry, I forgot the restaurant and the play that we were going to or musical or something. I'm like, I was completely lost and I was feeling so agitated and uneasy. I was in, and I was causing anxiety for the person I was with. But I remember when I had my third big date with Marie, I lost my car at the airport. Oh my God, we spent an hour looking for it. I mean, I was in a state of absolute panic. That should have been a red flag for her. I'll be candid with you. I don't handle difficult situations well, I just don't. Now, thankfully she has a very chill personality, she was very accepting, she was very loving, she was very patient. But this is something I'm aware of my, I'm gonna go off on a tangent here. I'm aware of a red flag I have. I struggle in difficult situations. It's very reminiscent of my father, it's very much something that was imprinted from my father. He couldn't handle difficult situations, he would get agitated, anxious, almost to the point of getting even a little bit violent and I'm aware I have this. I'm doing my best to work and heal it, I really am. And it's a turn off. I mean, I can understand it could be a turn off like what happened in the dream. So I'm gonna do some dream analysis with my coach later to kind of get a sense of what was really going on here. I really don't know. But I also recognize that the person I'm best suited with is someone who has a chill personality when I'm in a heightened state of anxiety, just like I'm chill when somebody is in a state of heightened anxiety. So what I'm really recognizing that I want someone who can mirror how I am when someone's in a heightened state because that's the way I am. Anyway, but I don't know. I'm just, I went off on a rabbit hole there. Thanks for listening. How do you meet someone and have a meaning for a relationship with someone when you have kids? People with children meet children all the time. It's not that you can't. By the way, does anyone remember the TV show Brady Bunch? It's, you know, how you don't even have to ask that word to how the question might be, can I? And the answer is yes, you can. How by being upfront and finding someone who can appreciate someone who has children, not everybody can do that. I know for me, I'm past the child rearing period and especially after losing Connor, you know, it's a sore subject for me because while I loved my children dearly, to lose a child is a, I mean, beyond traumatic experience. And so I think I selfishly want to be with someone who isn't raising children because it's just a painful experience for me. I'd be candid with you. It takes time to build trust and safety with someone's children, but for me personally, it's a really sensitive space. Now I'm an empty nester. And so I seek someone who's also an empty nester. You have to meet someone who's really in a space of really loves children, doesn't have a wound like I have with respects to children. And I'm sorry, this just triggered me folks. I saw, I was going through my safety the other day and I pulled out a locket of my son's hair. I cut it from his lifeless body, just as a memento, if you will, and no parent should lose a child. At the same time, you should choose a partner who wants to be an active participant in this process. And not everybody is capable of that. This is really hard stuff. This is the challenge of midlife. Dr. Laura Schlesinger would say, wait till your children are 18 before you date. I don't believe that, I don't believe you have to, but I will say it is a challenging, there's no doubt there's a challenge to it. But what's most important is you maintain your sovereignty, be that loving mother and hold space for someone who wants to meet you where you're at. Does anyone resonate with what I just shared? I'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts below. And excuse me for going emotional there for a second. By the way, KT says, hole in the sidewalk, that is from Wayne Dyer. I believe Wayne Dyer said it, but I don't believe he wrote it. I don't believe he wrote it. I know he said it, but I don't believe he wrote it. I could be mistaken though. By the way, if anyone wants to ask me a personal question since I got vulnerable and personal, write the word personal question and post the question thereafter. Funny question, have you ever gone to meet a girl that you met online who looked nothing like her picture? Oh my God, yes. Oh my God, yes. You know, I try to make, I have, you know, I am incredibly selective now, now before I meet anyone in the future. And by the way, even though my relationship ended four months ago and I have put myself out there in the dating realm, I haven't gone on a date with anyone, I'm gonna be very selective and I will do a FaceTime before I ever meet someone. I think it's important to do a FaceTime before meeting someone. If you meet them through an online dating site, if you meet them in person, then this situation won't happen. I believe FaceTime, Zoom, Google, Meet, whatever. Yes, yes, yes. See them physically, but has that happened to me? Oh my God, yeah. And you know, I'm not every woman's cup of tea. You know, I'm not, I've had women say, you know, because I had a professional photo. I have wrinkles, folks. I even have gray hair right here. I have wrinkles. I have sunspots on my face, okay? I'm not perfect like my pictures. Anyway. Magic Entertainer wants to add something I made out with a 20 year old to try to get over the 24 year old. Wow, you are a cougar. Please forgive me. I'm just being tongue-in-cheek. JT says, wasn't Carl Jung a satanic at heart? I have no idea. He could have been. But his methodologies still represent, from what I understand, his methodologies do represent a significant methodology in the way therapy is done. I believe so. By the way, folks, I would love a donation to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Let's get some money going today. If I've been providing you value, can you support? I would love to give away some money today. Use that little dollar sign to donate. Okay, Kate is in the house. I finally broke up with my six year long distance on again off game relationship four months ago due to no future planning on his part. I miss him, but I need to move on. Any advice on how to do so? Invest in personal development, self-help spiritual work. Immerse yourself in reading books. Immerse yourself, read this book. Read this book. Excuse my burp. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Highly recommend reading this book, Kate. And then I want you to follow up with this book. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. I mean, spend every waking moment doing this and when you start ruminating about him, just start doing this in your head. Every time you think about him, say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, why are you doing that? This is a pattern interrupt. What you're trying to do is interrupt that repetitive thoughts with a pattern. Now, there's some other technique you may want to use and it's known as the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. Someone write this down, Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. Hawaiian, it's also known as a hapona, pona, pono, pono. Did I say that right? Ho, hapona, pono, pono, pono. I might have messed that up a little bit. Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. Nine simple words, okay? Now this was the way I learned it. I'm not suggesting this is, I think it could be, I've heard it two different ways. This is the way I learned it. You say to yourself, I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. This creates a pattern interrupt. Now forgiveness, what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is an injection of love, forgiving love. The reason why I went like this, I want you to inject into your arm, forgiving love, forgiveness, okay? So that's my invitation for you in this particular case. Read these books, say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, okay? Hey, I want to thank, oh, Gigi just gave us a $4.99 super sticker. Way to go, Gigi. Question, is it normal? And by the way, that gets us 40, we only need $45 more today to get to our $50 call. Is it normal? A man stays single because of a mentally ill and drug-addicted son? That must be so hard for that gentleman. Could it be that he can't give his heart to somebody else? Absolutely, that is quite seriously possible. That it could be that his love for his child and the pain he's experiencing for his child might make it difficult for him to open his heart. I'm not saying it is an absolute, I'm just saying it is quite possible. And as much as you ladies are nurturers and givers and lovers, just remember, a real true healthy relationship is a reciprocal relationship of giving and receiving, receiving and giving, giving and receiving, receiving and giving, okay? So I hope that helps answer your question. I want to give props to Kate for the $10 super sticker. We are $35 away from our goal. And Kate wants to say thank you, I appreciate it. Alina says, Hawaiian forgiveness per, exactly. Dale says, seeing the picture of Connor at the end of your book brought me to tears as it is the same age of my daughter. He was a beautiful young man sending a big Jonathan Bear hug. I haven't shown this picture in a long while. This is the last photograph taken of Connor or I think the second to the last photograph of taken of Connor. It is so reminiscent of a part of his personality. It's one of my favorite pictures of him. So thank you so much. I really appreciate that. All right, let's keep going back up here. I saw some questions. JK Nott says, do you know if Marie watches these videos or do you worry about it or have asked the $1,000 question? I don't believe she watches these videos. I don't worry about it. I do my best to be as respectful. She is quite aware that we, I would talk about our dynamic to some degree. I'd like to think I've been incredibly respectful if I've crossed a boundary for her. She's more than welcome to bring me up, bring it to my attention and I would certainly remove content if she felt it disrespected her. I don't believe I do anything to disrespect her. I just share what my perspective is of what happened in our dynamic. So thank you for asking that question. Esther said, I have created a growing list of what I want in a man. I think us women need to know what we want so we don't waste our time. Oh my God, Esther, absolutely. Women come to me all the time. Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want in relationship. And then they go through this proprietary coaching program. I created and can you guess what they say every single time? I had no clue as to what I wanted. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, let's keep going. Esther wants to respond to losing my car. You were probably so excited to meet her at the airport that you missed looking at the floor where you parked. I have done that at airport when I picked up family and it was, I mean, I had completely got turned around when that happened and I completely screwed up and I got disoriented the way I parked and you're absolutely right. And ever since then, I always take a photo. Ever since that happened, I took a photograph. I took two photographs where I exited the building and where exactly the car was. So that wouldn't, if I wouldn't screw that up. Hey, Missy, I want to thank, oh my God, we just got a bunch of love from Missy. She just gave us two super stickers of $19. So 40, by the way, we are now, our goal is $100 tonight. We need $30 more, $40 more to get there. Thank you so much. I appreciate the love. Missy, you don't see, oh, you saw the place to donate. Okay. All right, let's see what else we got here. JK says, after my last breakup, I bought a key chain that said, don't go there. I need to stop ruminating about breaking up with him. So I want to, I appreciate what you've done. I want you to invite something different. I want you to get a new bracelet that says, it's raining great men, it's raining great men, it's raining great men, it's raining great, I don't have to say it that many times, but I want you to focus on the positive, don't go there because you do want to go into, I know it's not going back to him, but I want you to focus on your present and your future, not your past, okay? So JK, that's just an invitation for you, okay? Karen says, I love the untethered soul, so insightful. I agree. And Missy says, yes, it's twice. Thank you for the love. That is so beautiful, we appreciate that. Wanda says, I know I don't want a guy ordering me a drink when I have a Coke sitting there, when I didn't drink, big red flag. Why are you even thinking about that? Like that happened once, okay? Okay, it happened once in your life, okay? Okay, you're gonna tell me, no, it's happened 17 times. I find that incredibly unlikely, it's happened 17 times. It happened once. Why are you thinking about something that happened once as if it's going to happen again? Because guess what? It will happen again because you were thinking about it. Folks, we attract what we think about. It's like if I said to you white Mercedes Benz right now and you look out the window, you'll see one drive by and two drive by and three drive by and four drive by because it's in your reticular activating system. Stop it, stop it, okay? Denise says, I needed that. I appreciate that. Magic entertainers back in the house. Boyfriend, when we're 14, wrote me a 30 page love letter, rings, necklaces, flowers was with him for three and a half years. We broke up 30 years old. I will never get this from a 24 year old. Does anyone remember, what was the movie with Brooke Shields? Endless, no, not endless love. What was the one where he was obsessed with her and ended up burning down her house and everything? You know, what you're describing to me is possibly while it might appear to be love, it could also be obsession. When we're young, that feeling of limerence could be so obsessive that we lose ourself. And I suspect there was a reason why you broke up and it didn't work out, but we have to be careful of exaggerated love. Exaggerated love is usually an abandonment of one's own sovereignty. Now I'm not suggesting that's what happened here, entertainer, but I'm just suggesting be careful. Exaggerated love is not the healthiest of all loves. It's not the healthiest. Okay, this will be our last question from Sweet Chick. Is manifesting a relationship you want true? Manifest, so the way I understand the law of attraction, if you want to manifest something, is that you sit with the feeling of abundance and you'll start experiencing abundance. If you sit with the feeling of abundance, if you focus your energy on abundance, it's not about a relationship, it's not about money, it's about feeling an abundant life. And when you're in a space of feeling abundance, you'll begin to attract abundance in your life. That's the way I observed the law of attraction and I do believe you can manifest a variety of different things. You are constantly manifesting things. Most of you are not even aware because you don't pay attention, but you're manifesting things all the time. Most people manifest negativity because they spend 90% of their thoughts in negative thoughts. 90% of thoughts are negative room and they're repetitive thoughts. They're negative and repetitive. So that's my invitation for everyone. And JT says, great question, be very careful, exactly. All right, folks, did you find value in this conversation? If you did, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you did find value, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Also, for our last few minutes of donation, let's get to that $100 goal tonight. We're very close. I think we're only like $30 away. So hit that little dollar sign in the chat box or purchase a super sticker, super chat, or super thanks if you went this far. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Johnth America self love. I'm gonna reach you. Oh God, do you see those pit stains? I'm gonna reach in the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Melissa who says great session and sweet chick who says, oh, thank you, it makes sense. And Denise, I found value. I'm so happy to hear that. And Jody and Jim Cole and JT and Esther and Karen and Naughty Kitty and the magic entertainer and Kate and Denise and Wanda and Missy. And Missy, thanks for the love and Naughty Kitty and JK Nats and Jody P and Elena, Vale, Valentine, sweet chick, LD. Thanks so much. Wishing you a super.