 The Fitch Bandwagon. Fitch Company makers of those fine Fitch products present the Fitch Bandwagon starring Phil Harris and Alice Faye. Do you want an effective way of solving your dandruff problem, a way that's simple and easy to? Well, what way could be easier than shampooing your dandruff away with Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo? As for effectiveness, we will poo-poo made whose guarantee to remove dandruff is backed by one of the world's largest insurance firms. All you have to do is apply Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo directly to your hair and scalp before wetting the hair. It is important to remember to apply Fitch's before adding water to the hair because this gives it solvent action, full opportunity to dissolve dandruff. After massaging your scalp for a few moments, add water. Handfuls of fluffy lather will form to cleanse the hair and scalp and carry away the dissolved dandruff flakes. Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo has been granted the Good Housekeeping Seal and the Parents Magazine Commendation Seal. Use it regularly for immaculately clean dandruff-free hair. Remember to ask for Fitch, F-I-T-C-H, Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo. And Wagon brings you Alice Faye and Phil Harris. When here he comes. When? Right there, coming out of the Jack Benny show. Oh, that ain't him. Yeah, it must be. He's wearing two polo coats. No, that ain't him. Let's ask them, hey. You ask them. I already asked them, Lord Cheney Jr. Okay. Well, who do I look like with these golden curls? Guy Lombardo? Hey. You never mind that, Owen. Go ahead, ask them. What a delightful character. Up till now, I never knew theme song had a brother. Can we have your autograph? Can you have my autograph? Well, now, kids, you're living. You're getting smart. You'll be out of here in a few days. You're talking like a guy in a one-piece suit now. Yeah, you can have my autograph. Now, let me see, Phil Harris. There you are. You see, Rad, it's like I told you. He can, too, Rod. Sure, but he'd never made it if you hadn't guided his hand. Oh. Hello, Mr. Harris. Hiya, Dick. You got my car ready? Yes, sir. Right over here. We're the motor running. Thanks, kid. Here. Buy yourself a great big box of Snickers. Gee, thanks. Oh, say, Mr. Harris, I've noticed you're always in such a hurry every Sunday. How come you're so anxious to get home? How old are you, kid? Fourteen. Why? I think it's time you had a nice, long talk with your father. Never mind. See you next Sunday. So long, Richard. I think he's a muzzler. What if he'd drive a snappy-looking car? So would you if you had Alice Faye's money. Not towards the valley, Pops? Yes, I sure am, son. Well, then I'll give you a lift. Hop in. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You ain't saying nothing wrong, son, but I sure love California. Your local boy, son? No, I'm from out of state. Tell me you're looking for work, kid. Well, you might say that, yeah. Pretty nice car you got here for a berry picker. No, Pops. I'm more of a knolley picker. Oh, from Fresno? No, from Martinez. Say, you snuck up on my blind side with that one, sir? Martinez. Hey, how far out you going, Pops? Oh, Bakersfield. Oh, got a job up there? Nope. Going up to see your family? Nope. Then why are you going to Bakersfield? Got a gal up there. You, Pops, I didn't know there was that much Wheaties in the world. Yes, yes, I go up to see her every month. Used to go up every week. Sort of got out of the habit during gas rationing. Well, yeah. Let me ask you something, Pops. This girl of yours, how does she feel about marriage? Oh, she's all for it. That's fine. Yep. So is your husband. You sure get around, Dad. They don't call me speedy for nothing. Well, sure. Say, what do you say you do for a living, son? Oh, I do a little radio singing now and then. You know, sing on the radio. Oh, you do. Yeah. You ever listen to the radio? Well, once in a while. Well, then let's turn it on. Let's have a little music then, huh? That's a good idea, son. You ain't one of them sons of the pioneers, be you? No, no, Pops. I couldn't quite make that group. You see, I lean more toward the... Well, you know, toward... More like stuff that they're playing right now. Folks are dumb where I come from. They ain't had any learning. Still, they're happy as can be. Doing what comes naturally. Doing what comes naturally. Folks like us could never fuss with schools and books and learning. Still, we've gone from A to Z. Doing what comes naturally. Doing what comes naturally. You don't have to know how to read or write when you're out with a girl in the pale moonlight. You don't have to come from a great big town just to go pickin' berries in an evening gown. That comes naturally. Ooh, so naturally my uncle out in Texas can't even write his name. He signs his check with X's but they cash them just the same. My uncle then got angry when they caught him stealin' chicken. I'm within my right, said he. Doing what comes naturally. You don't have to go to a private school not to pick up a penny near a stubborn mule. You don't have to have a professor's dome not to go for the honey when the bees at home. That comes naturally. Ooh, so natural. Okay, Pop, just a second. Excuse me, son, you can let me off here. I'll turn right at this next corner. Well, it'll be a pleasure, Pop, it's okay. Thanks for the lift, son. Well, you're perfectly welcome, but wait a minute. You didn't tell me how you like my song. You say you make your livin' singing like that? That's right. Well then, I've got a piece of advice for you. Advice? What is it? Son, save your money. So long, sweetie. How do you like that Civil War wise car? Just for that, I hope that the next ride he gets is on a motorcycle. Oh, well, I like it. Grandpa Dick was always thick, but never saw a doctor. He just died in 93. Doing what comes naturally. Heck, know it, your husband. Amber, you beautiful thing, and give me a great big kiss. Mmm. Oh, honey. Oh, what's the matter? You ain't given. I should have gone on the baker's field. What? Let it go. You're too beautiful to quiver with, you luscious creature, you. Mmm. Hey, I can smell that dinner cookin', and, honey, I'm really hungry. Well, we'll be eating in a minute. Come on in the living room. Living room? I want you to hear something on the radio. All right, honey, but let's eat. I'm starved. Hey, that's that number from Annie Get Your Gun. Is that the one we like so much? I wanted you to hear it. Well, all right, then lay it on me. Well, I would. They say that all they say, so they tell. Let's get into the food, huh? Well, how do you like that? When you met me, I was singing a girl in tune. You didn't think about food then? Yeah, but you ain't workedin' so long. I'm starvin'. Well, I am. I can't help it. Well, I worked hard this afternoon. Well, I know it. The thing that's known. I'm for somatra. You know, I could listen to you sing all night. I don't care enough. I never eat. You know, before I see you about dinner, let's get serious for a moment. You know, something awful happened today. What? You know that favorite doll of baby Alice's? Hill the guard? Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's the one. Well, when I backed the car out of the garage this morning, it was lying in the driveway, and I ran over it. Oh, honey, that's murder. That's murder. Well, she's nuts about that doll. I know I feel awful about it, and I... I haven't the heart to tell her. Gee, if it wasn't Sunday, I'd run out and get her another one just like it, but now we're kinda in the spot. I know. And she'll never go to bed without it. Well, I guess one of us is gonna have to tell her. Gee, I... I hate to do it. Well, don't worry too much about it, honey. I'll break it to her easy, you know. Use a little childish psychology. Hello, baby Alice. Hello, Daddy. How's my big girl today? Fine. What are you doing out here? Making mud pies. Uh-huh. Well, look, honey, Daddy's got something that he really ought to tell you. Yes, Daddy. Well, it's, um... It's, uh... Yes? Well, look, don't ever eat none of them mud pies. It might poison you. Would you tell me, Daddy? No, honey. It's something else. Look, baby, everybody in the world grown-ups and little girls too has something that he loves very much. And then when someone comes along and takes it away from us, well, we feel pretty bad. Do you understand what I mean? Mr. Benny cuts out all your lines. Look, honey, that's just some of your mama's propaganda. You've been listening to your mother again. That's what you've been doing. That's not it at all. I'm talking about you. Me? Yes, uh... Well, you and Hildegard. What about Hildegard? Honey, Hildegard's sick. Sick? What's wrong with her, Daddy? Well, she's a little run down. Does she have the measles? No, not the measles. It's more of a case of curvature of the driveway. They had to take her to the hospital. Will she bring another little dolly with her? No, I don't think so. But when Mommy goes to the hospital... I like to call up the hospital, honey, but I don't want to disturb her because, well, she is so sick they say they might have to perform an appendectomy. Appendectomy? You know, take out her taunt souls. Talk to baby Alice. Yes, honey, I had to talk with her. How did you take the bad news? Well, I started to tell her that Hildegard had been run over, but... oh, honey, I just couldn't do it. What did you tell her? I don't know. One thing led to another, and now she thinks her dolly's sick in a hospital. Oh, Phil, you shouldn't have made up a story like that. I know, every time I get in a thing like this, I always open my big, fat mouth and then louse it up. And why do you keep doing it? Who knows? It must be the Molotov in me. Well, how do we stand now? We don't stand so good. Now she wants to phone the hospital and find out how her dolly is. Oh, fine. And just how do you plan to do that? Well, I got a little plan. I don't know, but I thought that... well, I thought that maybe if you went upstairs on the other extension and pretended that you were a nurse, well, we might get away with it. All right, let's try it, but honestly, I don't think much of the idea. Now, don't sluff it off, honey. This is the biggest part you've had since Fallen Angel. A little lady right this minute. I'm going to get them on the phone. Hello, operator. Would you get me to General Hospital? Hello, General Hospital? Do you have a patient there named Hildegard? Oh, you do, nurse? Well, I want you to talk to a little girl here and give her a full report on the patient. You will? Oh, fine. Here. Baby Alice, now you talk to the nurse. Hello. Hello. General Hospital. Nurse Brandon speaking. Oh, hello, Mommy. What are you doing on the other extension? Oh, Harris, you liver-lip bungler. How about your coffee? Shall we have it here or in the living room? No coffee for me, honey. I'm too full. That was a big dinner. Did you really enjoy it? Enjoy it? Man, that meal tasted better than the second course of that's what I like about the sound. A turn of greens and all. Hey, where are the kids? Well, it's about their bedtime. Sissy's upstairs getting them undressed. You know, something I've been so busy with Baby Alice, I hardly got a chance to talk to Phyllis. What's that little rascal been up to today? Oh, she was helping Luigi in the garden. She just discovered how to turn on the sprinklers. Hey, that's pretty cute. Luigi didn't think so. He was cutting the grass at the time. Well, a little water wouldn't hurt that guy anyway. Oh, honey, by the way, I meant to speak to you about Phyllis. I don't think she should watch you shave in the morning. Why not? Well, because today I found her copying you. She didn't get my razor, did she? No, no, but I caught her looking at herself in the bathroom mirror and saying, Oh, handsome bro. Oh, handsome bro. What? She's a cute kid, too. Time. We'd better get upstairs and say good night to the babies. All right, we'll go up and say good night to them, but here's where the trouble starts again. You know that Baby Alice never goes to sleep without that doll. Well, best thing is to try and get her mind off it. Get her to think about something else. Think about something else. Okay, I'll try, but that ain't going to be easy. That's like asking Tommy Manville to concentrate on one day. How are my little girls? All ready for bad babies? Yes, Mommy. They're this ready, too. You know your kids are getting to look more like your mommy every day. We are, Daddy. Yeah, but cheer up, honey. You may outgrow it. Oh, you're killing it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Sing us a song, Mommy. Sing us a song. Please, Mommy. Now calm down. In a minute, huh? Daddy, you know about my doll, he healed the guard. Well, she's, uh, she... Yes, yes, I know, honey. I know. But don't worry about that tonight because Daddy's going to tell you a wonderful story. The one I'm going to tell you is about Jack and the Beanstalk. Gee, that's a good one, Daddy. You like the way Daddy tells his stories, don't you, Phyllis? No. I like the funny faces he makes. Now, wait a minute. Let's go and have any cracks, baby. Just listen. Hurry up, Daddy. Tell the story. All right. Well, let me see. Oh, yes. A long, long time ago, there was a little boy named Jack and he lived with his mother in the middle of a beautiful forest. But although they lived in this beautiful woods and their cottage was all neat and clean, they were very, very poor. Were they awfully poor, Daddy? Honey, they were so poor they had nothing to eat but old pieces of bread. And poor little Jack had to hold these pants up with Hoover buttons. Finally, things got so bad, well, there was just one thing to do. Jack's mother decided to sell the old family cow so they'd have money to buy food. But, Daddy, if they were that hungry, why didn't they eat the cow? Well, honey, they couldn't eat meat. They was veterinarians. Well, anyway, Jack put an old piece of rope around the cow's neck and took it off to the market. Now, he was gone for three whole days and his poor old mother was half out of her mind. But at last Jack came home and his mother asked for the money. Jack said, well, I sold the cow, Mama, but instead of money, a nice old man gave me these three wonderful magic beans. So Jack's mother looked at him and said, why, Jack, you dear sweet boy! And with that, she drove him six feet into the ground with a tube before. What else? He did no such thing. Maybe not, maybe not, but that's what my old lady would have done. I mean, you stay out of this. Well, Jack's mother was very, very angry and threw the beans out the window. And once again, they had to go to bed that night without any supper at all. But if they were so hungry, why didn't they eat the beans? Because that would have lost up the rest of my story. Now, listen. Anyway, early the next morning, Jack woke up, looked out in the backyard and there was a beautiful beanstalk 90 stories high. So Jack started climbing up the beanstalk. He climbed and climbed and climbed some more. Honey, he went up that beanstalk faster than Gene Kelly with a hot foot. And when he got to the top, what do you suppose he saw? A great thing, Jen, and a great thing... That's right. And the big giant had a magic chicken that laid golden eggs. So Jack hid in the corner until the giant went fast asleep. Then he tiptoed out with hardly a sound. Quick as the wank grabbed the chicken and let out for home. Jack went down the beanstalk fast, he could, with that mean giant prodding all the way. But Jack got out first, grabbed up a big ol' accent, and disconnected that bind with two quick blows. And Jack and his mother lived happily ever after. No, no, not exactly. You see, the kid was indicted on three counts of manslaughter. And Jack and his mama had to hire a pretty smart lawyer to beat that rap. What happened to the chicken that laid the golden eggs? What are you asking? Look, the lawyer laid a bill on Jack for 28 grand and the chicken wore itself out trying to meet the payments. What's the matter? You know that's nothing like the real story. Well, that's the way you used to tell it in reform school. It's not all the time, babies. Now, you both better get some sleep, huh? Daddy, about to heal the guard. Look, baby, look. I'm sorry, I got a confession to make. Your doll is not really in the hospital. Daddy was only fibbing. Yes, yes, honey, it was an accident. I backed over Hilda God with the car. I know, Mommy. You know. You know. Well, then why didn't you say something before? Well, I didn't mention it because I didn't want Mommy to feel bad. That's Daddy's little girl who said that. I love you, honey. What do you think about that, Mommy? Oh, that's awful. But I thought Hilda God was your very, very favorite. Yes, but I wouldn't miss him much. She's got him to be an awful problem child lately. That's right, sweetheart. Not only that, Daddy's going to get you another dolly in the morning. So why don't you two little girls be real sweet now and let's turn out the lights, huh? But, Mommy, what's going to stay for? All right. When Daddy turns out the light, I'll sing. There you are. Good night, my momma. Good night, babies. Good night, you rascals. Be back in just a moment. Styles of dress change with the seasons. Right now, it's light prints and cottons for most women. However, the season for bright, attractive hair never changes. And the need for Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo never changes. For Fitch has been the favorite hair beauty treatment with millions of smart women for years. Fitch shampoo is a top-ranking favorite because it does so much for the hair. It leaves it with a gleaming, silky texture, lovely to touch and lovely to look at. Fitch makes swirls of rich, creamy lather that reconditions as it cleanses, puts new life and luster into tired hair strands, and leaves the scalp with a fresh, invigorating feeling. Then, since Fitch is entirely soluble in water, the lather rinses out completely, leaving the hair sparkling with natural highlights. See for yourself the shining new loveliness Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo can give your hair. Ask for an economical bottle of Fitch at your drug or toilet goods counter or have a professional application at your beauty shop. Well, now that the children are in bed, what would you like to do this evening? Well, I just soon sit here with you and kind of take it easy. Okay. Come on over here, beautiful. Let's get cozy, huh? All right. You mean, like, please? Sure. That's more like it. Now, turn around here a minute. Great big sigh, Phil. Oh, nothing. I was just wondering how speedy he's making out and bait this through. Next week, when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch Bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris. Until then... Good night. Good night, everybody. See you next Sunday. Original music for this broadcast is composed and conducted by Walter Scharf. Alice Faye appeared through courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Here and between Fitch Shampooes, you can keep your hair shining and manageable by using a few drops of Fitch's Ideal Hair Tonic every day. Fitch's Ideal Hair Tonic is not sticky or greasy, yet it gives your hair that well-groomed look. This is Charles Lyme. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.