 Hey everybody! Hey guys! All right, uh, I'm hoping my mic is working. Can you give me a hello or a hey in the comment section if you can hear me? Hey Jordan! Hey Layla and Nataldy and 10,000 subs. Okay, so we can hear me? Hey Ella and what? And Diana and Ayla, Lauren. Okay, awesome, it's working. Good, good, good. Sounds good. So, I've got my coffee. Eventually, I will not be using the webcam mic because I realize this is kind of grainy, but hey, it's my first shot at this. So, this works for now. Oh, it's so great to see all of you guys. Hey Snow Leopard, thanks so much for watching and Amber. Oh Amber, you've been here for a while. Thanks for tuning in. Um, gymnast lover, good to see you guys here this morning. Marilyn, oh hey, it's lovely to see you. Austin, I'm so glad that you made it to you. Oh, you guys are all here. This is so lovely. So, uh, for my first time talking to you guys live, I thought, as you might guess from the title, that I would go over, for starters, some of the, like the best things about being an amputee, like some of the highlights, and not just about being an amputee because I feel like that's a little too specific. Just about the last four months because this has been a super interesting journey in general. Also, I feel like you might need to see cakes before we start here. I've got my little cakes here. I feel like she doesn't get enough time on camera. I was talking to you guys on Instagram a few minutes before with her. She's always upstairs when I'm filming, so she doesn't get enough time in front of the camera. Hey, JP. Oh, you're watching Jimmy Snow last night. Yeah, it's crazy when two worlds collide. I watched this channel called Mr. Atheist. As you guys know, I'm not an atheist, but I appreciate listening to different worldviews. So anyways, that's what that's about. But she's just going to hang with us for a little while. Just kidding. She's not. So I wanted to, like I said, go over some of the things that have been really cool, some serious things, some not so much. Also, if you guys have questions, I did want to do kind of just a Q&A at the end. I know that people are always posting questions in the comment sections of my videos, and I try to get as many as I can, but I can't respond to everything, unfortunately. So let's dive in. I made a bit of a list, but I'm probably just going to ramble a little bit, you know, like I do. So yeah. So also, I'm going to try to save most of the questions for the end, most likely. So we'll get to those at the end. The first thing that came to mind about like the best things or the cool things about this journey, it's easy to get bummed out and to think about the frustrating things sometimes. You guys know throughout this whole journey, throughout this whole channel, I try to keep it real and be honest, but the amount of support that I've received not only from you guys, which has been insane, but from people in real life has been really cool. There was a long period in my life where I was extremely cynical about humanity in general. I did not believe the best in people because for so long in my life, like I believe the best in people, and then a lot of bad stuff happened, as I think we all have experience in. And, you know, people weren't there for me, and I got it in my head that that's how humans were, that like people just weren't there for each other. No one would ever be there for me. People would always end up leaving, like they'd always betray me, and this is when I was like 2021. And then my perspective started shifting when we lost our house in a forest fire. This was back a couple years ago. People started really showing up for us and I started becoming a little less cynical. It's kind of hard to stay cynical when people are giving you Christmas ornaments for your Christmas tree because you've lost everything in a fire. And my perspective continues to shift when I go through another major life change, like having this major surgery and becoming an amputee because people show up. People I haven't heard from for years, like my mom's friends from high school would send me things during the first month after surgery and comment about what I was going through and want to know what was happening. And I think it's really beautiful when we start to realize that we can't really hold on to all of our cynicality. I think that's a word about humanity. Because I think at our core we do want to be there for people, like people are good, you know, there's some bad apples out there, but that's the first thing that comes to mind. Like it's really hard to stay in a horrible mood for a long time when I think about all the amazing things that the people have done. Like there was this one day I want to say it was about three weeks after my surgery when my friend Mary came over in the morning and she brought this, it was called like a box of sunshine and I opened up this box and it was just full of yellow things on the inside and she had put on the inside of the box like she had taped yellow construction paper and written like a box of sunshine if you get down or something like that. And there were like yellow tic-tacs and yellow paper and yellow notepads and just everything was bright yellow and I was so happy, right? That in itself was awesome. But then I am not kidding, I have pictures to, I'll see if I can actually find the pictures to show you and if not I'll just post them on Instagram later, but later in the day my friend Jenna literally brought over another box of sunshine completely different from the one that Mary made. These people are in different circles, they don't know each other. It was her own take on a box of sunshine. It was also like they were similar enough and it also said this is a box of sunshine for you and it was full of different items that were yellow and happy and just stuff like that that was a crazy awesome coincidence that they had obviously spent a lot of time thinking about making, putting together, totally handmade. There was another time where I got a box in the mail from and this was my mom's I think old boss from like 30 years ago, 20 years ago had sent me a box and it was a piece of printed out paper and it was an article like things that amputees might need and one of them was like a patch to sew on your jeans and another was like hard-pressed organic coconut oil because she had just gone online and printed out a list of what some of the best things new amputees could use were because she didn't know, like I didn't know either and she just bought like five of those things and boxed them up and sent them to me and like people spent significant amount of time and sometimes money thinking to take care of me even if they haven't seen me in a while and that was really awesome. So I think the support obviously comes to mind so let me look at your comments real quick before we get oh yes I like cats Ellen I have two cats. Jazzy girl friends like that really are amazing and I realize how many of them I have like how many people like that are around me and my gym like my jiu jitsu gym was very much like that too like so many people from my gym were really there for me and really wanted to be there for me and I'll get to that a little bit more in a second. Chen the best people will stick by you through your hard times even if you don't talk as much anymore that is so true. I wrote on my blog yesterday that he's opening the window so it got significantly brighter in here. Like it's my inclination to want to isolate myself when I'm having a hard time like if I'm going through something I'm not like I talk a lot in front of a camera but I'm not an extrovert I'm okay with people but I need to recharge alone and along with that comes the tendency to like over isolate myself and so I don't always reach out when I need help and so there have been a lot of friends that I think I've neglected during my recovery process and they've still been there for me like they've texted me and I've not gotten back to them or called me and I've not gotten back to them in a timely fashion and then I've been like I'm so sorry like I was just having a rough time or whatever and they don't care like they're still they're still there for me and I will be eternally grateful for that sincerely um let's see here Katie what are some things you've learned being an amputee? Katie if I don't if I don't get to that question in Q&A remember remind me to get back to that that's a question I would love to address. Etta thank you she says I love how relatable you are thanks so much I really appreciate that Austin your hair almost looks like the hood of that shirt it oh wow it actually I didn't realize how like blended all of this is um I'm very predictable with my color choices we can say that for sure can't wait so the next thing um this is kind of just a silly thing does anyone do jujitsu who's watching right now please please shout out if you've ever trained in jujitsu um Katrina I'm glad that you're here no worries about being late I'm so glad that you showed up um Ola you're an amputee it's been a very tough journey I totally get that I absolutely understand it's not easy um we're getting through it but it can be a struggle sometimes Jordan okay you train jujitsu that's awesome so you'll get this this maybe I'll go through this quickly because it may be something that not a lot of people get but um in jujitsu that it's it's a martial art it's all submission based right um and so there's like arm bars and uh chokes and stuff like that and I'll be training in jujitsu as soon as I can um it's I talked to my prosthetics guy a couple days ago and he said realistically it's going to be at least a year from your last surgery which is going to be in March I thought I was maybe going to be able to start training in like a month or two um doesn't look like that which is a bummer but hey everything is temporary so um now that I'm missing a foot I will be 50 less likely to get heel hooked again if anyone is um into jujitsu please shout out in the comment section because if you're not that probably doesn't make a lot of sense so um let me pull this up here real quick so one of the biggest goals with this surgery as you guys know was to eliminate the ankle pain that I had and for a long time after surgery like if this was the ankle pain that I was having the amputation pain I was having was so severely more especially phantom pain but it's like months have gone on it has slowly come down and now it's honestly less the frustration with mobility like having to hop around on crutches and having to learn adjustments to everything I think the frustration is still significantly more um and it'll be a while until I'm like adjusted to life as an amputee but the pain is definitely better um phantom pain still happens like it's still I'll still get like zingers it's like electrical pain um I'll just kind of like jump and yelp sometimes out of nowhere Brian will tell you but he's a lot better than it was so uh reduced pain is fantastic that is definitely a really really really good thing about being an amputee and something that I am very very grateful for something that my friend John pointed out to me I was as you guys know pretty frustrated about having to have surgery again um Chen used to say I have a 50% less chance of breaking me like that's very accurate for sure um my friend John was was telling me I was expressing to him how frustrated I was with having have surgery again and like it's been four months I haven't been able like go back to work consistently I haven't been able to do anything consistently getting places is hard we're in the middle of winter now and so it's like really icy and difficult and blah blah blah and I was just like complaining you know and he was listening to my complaints because he's a nice friend and uh and then he suggested kind of a perspective change which I really appreciated and said you know feel all the things you're feeling but also you've never really had a chance in your life to slow down and that's accurate I've had a lot of stuff happen but it's always been like one thing happened and the next thing happened and like you just have to adjust and deal with it and move on and like and that's hard and it's stressful and it's very anxiety producing and it's difficult to adjust to anything when more things just keep happening Sadie come here come on Sadie she's a little upset say hi to the camera she's she's a big baby as you guys can say so he said you know at this point in your life you're kind of being forced to slow down you have to take things easy you're not getting out as much you can't work nearly as much or consistently everyone's saying hi to you Sadie thanks Eda and Katrina um and that's really a gift and don't waste that gift and ever since he said that I've really been thinking about that and it's true I have a lot of quiet time I have a lot of alone time and I have a lot of time to reflect and I don't I feel like that's a very almost entitled thing to say because I realize that a lot of people don't have that especially after surgery and I've never had that before any of my surgeries like in the past 14 years with any of the medical stuff I've had going on it's always been like go go go it's always been like get back to stuff it's always been like fill as much time as possible and now it's just kind of quiet and so I think one of the greatest gifts in the past few months is that I have had time to actually process things I've been able to work with the counselor and feel things and while that is very uncomfortable um it is also a huge gift and along with that something that Brian and I addressed in the Q&A we've had a lot of time just alone with each other just like quietly at home um I am a super homebody he is definitely not um and so we would always like go out and do stuff on the weekends you know go go out to restaurants or like go hiking well not hiking but um like go to like public parks and stuff like that and just go do stuff um take the dog's places say he's licking my hand Katrina um I I'll talk about meditation later I have tried meditation it produces a lot of anxiety because you're about to see a cat tail it's her little fan um I have tried meditation and it's I'm working on it I'll just I'll just say that but um with Brian and I I've had to stay home a lot more right um because of pain or because I'm tired because I'm just adjusting or whatever and so we've had a lot of great conversations and I honestly think it's brought us a lot closer together um and during the Q&A we talked about that a little bit and we talked about it just like with us a little bit more after that and it's been really cool to just have a different kind of time together where it wasn't rushed where we didn't have to go do something where our schedule wasn't packed where you know we look at the weekend we're like okay what do we have to do nothing like there's no event that we're committed to there's no dinner that we have to go to there's no party that we're doing like it's just time with us or just like quiet time hanging out with like a friend or two you know um that has really been a gift that has been cool and I think it's really developed our relationship and I feel like it could have gone either way and there have definitely been times where it's been like frustrating because we want to go do something or because he wants to go do something and I don't because I'm like no I'm okay just hanging out at home because I can be home for days and be perfectly happy and content and he can't which I can totally understand because you know it's a normal thing to want to go out and do stuff and participate in the world where I'm I'm honestly okay to like hang out at home and just do stuff so um it's only produced a tiny bit of conflict for the most part it has been great and really deepened and developed our relationship and I will also always be grateful for that uh let's see meditation pizzas meditation makes me see cattails apparently also I'm very glad that cakes has decided to join us for this uh this time this is her spot she always hangs out right here um she'll actually sleep here most nights let's see here where are you going in Ireland uh I'm going there in May cat warlock says so we're going a bunch of different places in Ireland um we're going to Dublin we're going to uh I actually don't know the names of the other places yet because my friend arranged the trip and I'm kind of just showing up I know that's terrible um we're working out kind of the final details we're leaving a couple weeks we're going to be there for a couple weeks which I think will be really cool my big goals for the trip are to draw as much as I can because that's something that I can do if I'm in a wheelchair or if I'm just like sitting around while people are doing stuff and to see a castle or two I would definitely like to see a castle or two sit by a lake I know it's going to be cold rainy but still um magic cat says cakes is a fluffy little pancake she is actually we call her a pancake all the time because she's so flat she's so fluffy but she's also so flat um oh Austin your cat was growling at Sadie that's crazy Eda says to make a rat video in the future I definitely will there is one um it's it's titled the thumbnail says bridge it on it and you can find it in my past videos if you check it out um let's see here so I was just looking at my list there other things that have been good about this journey I think it's promoted to the beginning of a lot of growth and I say the beginning because I think I have a long way to go gotta scoot so cakes can actually have the limelight here as I have addressed in videos there are challenges that I've had along this journey that I didn't think I would have um and after this one let's hop into some of your questions because I love to chat about them the two biggest ones that come to mind that I think I was very naive and or arrogant to think that I wouldn't struggle with are I didn't think that looking different in public like being stared at or anything like that would bother me I thought that that would be like whatever fine who cares and I didn't think that I would have that much insecurity about what I looked like around my family and friends um let's see here oh sorry sorry I just saw a message come up the chat there was a little bit different um I didn't think either one of those things would really bother me I thought like ah you know I don't have that much issues with like body image anymore anymore because I worked through so much of that as a teenager with having any eating disorder and everything like that that like I'm I'm okay like I'm okay with how I look like it's fine basically yeah I was so so wrong about that and they have been really large struggles and so I think in a way I'm grateful for that because they let me re-examine where I am they're they kind of like poke at things I didn't know existed and let me know that there's something to work on there like like yeah you are kind of insecure about this and yeah this is something you can work on and like why does being stared at in public some days bother me not nearly as much as it used to like it's actually okay most of the time now but like why why does that scare me why does that bother me why do I think that other random people's opinions of me who are strangers who I will probably never interact with and if I did interact with I'd love to have an actual conversation with and answer any questions that they had why does that bother me and insecurity about what people think who who know me think about me about how I look like my husband like what's bringing it up why don't I trust what they say about me why don't I trust that like that my husband is still attracted to me or why don't I trust that like my friends don't think it looks super weird or whatever and so it's a good chance for introspection and working through things so that's kind of like a a good and a challenging thing but let's happen to some of your questions let's see um so go ahead and type out some questions send them in and I will get to which ones I can um Jeff it's good to see you uh Jeff says pay no attention to the vanilla faces he's a good friend of ours in real life not that you guys aren't real life but you know like I've met him in person for I've known him for quite some time um animal nerd says uh I love your channel thank you and um she is she or he or they are disabled as well um let's see here has this experience made me braver seraphina la la la li that's a very pretty name asks I think I don't know if it's made me braver but it's definitely given me more opportunities to exercise courage like the one that I think of the most I actually it was a day that I did a kind of video about this but um I couldn't focus at home and I had to get some things done on the computer and usually what I would do like before I had my leg chopped off was I would go to like a coffee shop and work and it was a day that it had snowed the day before so walking on crutches in snow very dangerous I am looking into other options and then crutches they're I'll update you guys on that momentarily um in an upcoming video I mean but it takes a lot to like pack up all the stuff that I would need get it into the car on crutches and most of all get from the car into a coffee shop on ice where the the coffee shop door doesn't have like the handicap button that can open and I really didn't want to do that alone and um there was no one who could like come with me that day and even if there was I wasn't going to ask them to um so I feel like it's a very small example of courage but for me that was like a big deal and on top of that I was going to have to sit at a coffee shop alone sitting there like without a leg feeling like a weirdo at that point again still working I'm not feeling like a weirdo sometimes and I did it and when I think about like has this experience made me braver that's honestly the situation that comes up I don't think it's made me braver I think it's given me opportunities to like practice courage and face fears um and that was a day where I actually did do that like I I did get in that building and I did sit there for a few hours and I did get things done which was a great accomplishment for me and I've been able to do that a couple other times and there was actually a time where um I went to another coffee shop to work and it got okay like it's gotten easier I've been able to do that a few more times and when I was packing up to go I have this weird complicated fear of people wanting to help and also a fear of people not wanting to help like if I'm struggling to open a door I know this probably sounds confusing like I really want someone to help me but I also don't want people to see me as needing help that's just my ego talking I'm fully aware of that but as I was packing up to go like I had like a like a coffee cup and a drink cup that I had to throw away the only trash can was on the other side of the coffee shop it was a pretty big coffee shop and I had my purse and a backpack on crutches so there was like a lot to carry and I was like uh all right I'm gonna make this work but then there are two ladies sitting next to me and they're like can we help you and it was an opportunity to either like humble myself accept help and maybe like have a nice conversation or just let my ego win and be like no no I've got it and try to hobble to the other side of the coffee shop carrying way too many things and looking silly and so I was like you know what that would be lovely if you could carry these things for me that would be great and then we ended up having a great conversation I met them one of the and was the owner of the coffee shop and now I know her and now we chat and you know we've formed a relationship because of it and so I think and it's given me a lot of new opportunities to meet people too which is cool like it's a definitely a conversation starter missing a leg my disabled perception have you had any challenges you weren't expecting yes oh also random girl thanks for being here I'll see you later she says she has to go Amber also says it's not ego it's called being human being thank you I appreciate that I think it is called being human being it's a struggle struggle is real so have I had any challenges I wasn't expecting yes I think most things I didn't really know what to expect like I don't think you can really know you can't predict your response to something I wouldn't necessarily call this traumatic in my life but to something that is so life-changing I thought I would know how things would go but I really didn't I think the biggest challenge that I wasn't expecting is just how challenging things are at home especially with our house in particular we're not planning on moving in the near future but living in a one-level house would make this a lot easier because this room which you guys often see me in um is a pretty small room but it's the only first-level room we have thankfully there is a bathroom here so I can hang out here and things are okay and then there's the stairs and the kitchen and then there's more stairs and the bedrooms and the stairs are pretty steep and everything is made of hardwood so if I fall it's um hard and there are only so many modifications we can make so the house we live in has been a challenge that I was not expecting if that makes sense and like I said we've definitely installed some things we definitely made some modifications and when I'm able to walk with my prosthesis with my prosthetic leg it will make things easier and it was making things easier when I was able to use it but life at home has been the biggest challenge going out in public has been okay because like I said I usually have help or I'm I'm or I'm able to face some fears but I am mostly at home and home is like daily life and that is challenging tropics msp asks how much does it cost um oh how are you coping the price okay so yeah we weren't aware I mean like we had estimates of how much how expensive all of this was going to be but it's expensive uh like the prosthetic leg that I got without insurance is $18,000 and that's just the first one and then you have to have the socket remade every like four to six months for the first like year and a half if you were normal I wasn't normal I was going to have to have a remade after two months before I ran the issue with having surgery again and I couldn't use it having a socket remade is like $10,000 again before insurance we are super super super super super super lucky in America to have decent healthcare insurance through my husband's work with that said it's still really expensive um last year because I had three two the amputation was my third surgery that year we ended up meeting our max out of the pocket um so we we paid a lot of money in healthcare expenses last year so we're we're not swimming in cash but we made it through um so so it worked out but it's something people don't tell you about being amputee as it is extraordinarily expensive and another big expense is I'm I haven't faced this yet because I've just been off work which has not been great but I've you have to take so much time off work to go to appointments like a prosthetic appointment is like once a week for a long time and doctor's appointments um so if you don't have an employer who will work with you I am grateful that I work for myself if you don't have an employer that works with you that is so difficult I have friends where that is the case and it can cause problems um Alyssa says that's astonishing it it is crazy crazy crazy and I'm a below knee amputee above knee amputees when you have to have that artificial joint because my uh my ankle sorry Sadie's chewing on a bone and it's distracting me Sadie do you want to choose a less a less loud toy maybe she looks very confused I don't think she's going to work with us let me know if you can hear that and if it's distracting for you guys but um the joint in my ankle in the prosthetic leg is not a robot joint there's no computer chip in it it's just there it works on the body weight from my body if I needed a knee those are generally computerized for lack of a better term they get astronomically more expensive like over a hundred thousand dollars depending on the leg so I am really lucky that I got to keep my knee joint um William says he is an above knee amputee the prosthetic knee cost upwards of a hundred and twenty thousand dollars yeah like that's so that's so so so expensive William I am really sorry um was uh oh Edda says was wondering what that was yeah that's just Sadie chewing on a bone uh Natalda says amputees should really get free prosthetics they need it you know there I think that there are programs out there that definitely help some amputees especially like if you don't have I don't actually know this I should look into this I hope there are if there are the next um the next merch campaign that I run I will donate part of the proceeds towards that if there is some kind of organization like that if that is the case um oh tropics thank you so much I really really super appreciate that um they just donated five bucks towards my I'm gonna put that towards the uh the surgery bill that's upcoming so that is so kind of you um yeah so the next um the next teacher design that I make which will be upcoming I will put a percentage of proceeds towards donating towards um a prosthetics company fund like to get amputees free prosthetics if that exists if it exists let me know I would love to hear um jazzy girl says will you do a video from your point of view I'm not sure can you clarify what you mean I would love to answer that question Chen says Shriners Hospital in Boston I'll look into that uh Sara Fina says how long have you been without your ankle so four months now um Katrina says wear a GoPro that would be interesting um you know in the video that I did with Brian at the end of the video he jokingly suggested that he should do a video from his point of view watching what I do all day and some of the odd modifications I make like crawling up the stairs like the girl on the ring which is apparently terrifying to him whatever um and then we were joking about that he should totally wear a GoPro camera throughout the day and just uh just so you guys can see things from his point of view he doesn't love being on camera so I think it takes him real convincing to get him to do anything like that but um I don't know if you guys keep voting for it maybe I can get him to uh be on camera some more for you guys he's pretty great I'm a big fan of him anyways magic cat asks what does ghost pain feel like and then Maggie asks has anyone ever been rude okay so I'll get to both those questions fan of pain or ghost pain I call it both um technically it's called fan of pain or fan of sensation honestly feels just like your foot's still there like legitimately like here's my lack of a foot right this is the um shrinker it's like a super stretchy super tight sock that we keep over the prosthetic limb at all times it it literally just feels like my foot is there like I feel my toes my ghost toes the ones that are definitely not connected to my body I feel those right now um like I can't move them super well it feels like they're kind of stuck in place almost but I feel that sensation like I feel like my leg is still there so that's the sensation part of it but the pain part of it it can vary it felt like people this might sound a little gross it felt like someone was like carving into the side of my foot for some parts after like the first month and a half after surgery was miserable with fan of pain it it felt for days on end like someone was sticking a cattle prod to the bottom of my non-existent foot like just like just like shocks of really really really painful energy we're just like stabbing up the bottom of my foot um that that lasted for a long time and then eventually it like died down and then it felt like someone was kind of like putting a cheese grater to the side of my foot uh again a super kind of gross descriptions but that's what it felt like now it'll feel like um sometimes it'll feel like someone's like stabbing a knife in the side of my foot really quickly but then it'll go away that's the great thing about my journey with fan of pain so far so it's definitely gotten better that's not the case for everyone I consider myself incredibly lucky and grateful that it is getting better some days are worse than others sometimes I'll just feel like general electrical tingling like throughout my leg almost like your leg has fallen asleep but imagine that feeling except that it's painful um but again I'll get like a few electrical shocks a day and that's it or it'll feel like cramping like a like a like a part of your leg is cramped really bad and like hold on for like 10 seconds and then it'll let go now has people been rude to me because my amputation they've been in real life no I'll be honest um people have definitely been weird around me um hey babe can you let Sadie outside sorry guys Sadie keeps opening the drapes which are right behind me because she really wants to go outside um in real life no one has been rude to me to my face people have definitely been uncomfortable because I was there I described one situation in a video where like I hopped out of a bathroom and I would not fault this person for that whatsoever um but she just like froze up and she was like I'm like looked at my leg and looked at me and she was just like I'm sorry and then just kind of like walked away again I don't fault her for that whatsoever but it just made me realize that like oh my presence makes people uncomfortable or um people will like talk to Brian instead of me or maybe like there's been like one situation where people ask him a question about me sorry for all the painting Sadie's very excited um so in real life though people have been nice or have just ignored me online online people have been real jerks uh not you guys you guys are all wonderful and lovely um how does Sadie make you so happy Brennan asks because she's the best she's just the sweetest dog and I can't wait till my other two dogs come home we're gonna go visit them tonight we always go visit them uh Sadie and monkey um they can't come home just yet they're still with my parents they live about 20 minutes away just because they they push me sometimes like my big 60 pound German shepherd will jump on me Sophie and I can't afford to fall anymore before surgery but anyways that's a hot off topic people online have been credibly rude and mean and gross to me um it's always funny to me I'm like do you really have nothing better to do with your day than like find amputee videos and be super mean to them that's all right like cool man um so yeah that that's that's about it uh I've been lucky that there haven't been too many real life experiences that have been super uncomfortable it's mostly just like the staring if you're staring at me obviously repeatedly just ask me a question kind of like I talked about in a video not that long ago um isa asks any tips for dealing with mental health ed stigma for medical professionals so mental health ed eating disorder I'm assuming stigma for mental health professionals um for medical professionals I'm reading things wrong um gosh I have run into that so much to be honest with you and that's something I really really really struggle with because um because I've been diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety and panic disorder and PTSD for a number of years now and sometimes it's hard to get people to take you seriously when you have those diagnoses or when you bring them up sometimes people are incredibly respectful and will ask good questions and then sometimes people will just completely dismiss you because they think that you're just like nuts or crazy or or something like that you know I think I'll make a note of that question and try to address that in the upcoming video because off the top of my head I can't think of any advice other than processing how it makes you feel but I have not come up with any really good way of dealing with medical professionals other than writing down things you know you want to say because I don't know about you but I get overwhelmed sometimes by doctors because they tend to interrupt you um nothing against doctors if anyone's if anyone who is watching this is a doctor or knows a doctor they have done so much good in my life obviously but there's also been a lot of negative things um so bringing people with me to doctor's appointments so that I get out what I need to get out or if I forget it they say it for me has been really helpful actually that is one thing I would advise for dealing with a mental health stigma that way um that way I have backup so either writing down what you want to say so you for sure say it or bringing someone with you so you have backup or two recommendations I definitely would have um leave the gun take the cannoli that's I feel like that's a quote from a movie that I am not remembering right now correct me if I'm wrong asks may ask what happened definitely definitely that the whole story is on my channel and you can find it in the description of this video actually but um essentially I had my leg amputated four months ago because of a horseback running accident that happened 14 years ago and I had many surgeries in between there and I eventually decided that I was done with living in pain and limited mobility and unable to do anything the godfather that's god I should know that I was homeschooled that's my excuse for not knowing pop culture references I usually just seem like I was homeschooled when I just can't remember anything it's a lame excuse I know what college did you attend in Indiana amber asks uh Taylor University Taylor University is in upland Indiana it's a tiny little school in the middle of cornfields I believe the population of upland Indiana is 3400 people and like 2000 of those people are college kids it was a it was a great school to go to it's a little bubble it's like a christian bubble it was a it was an interesting experience I was there for a year it was a great year but in retrospect I'm glad it was only a year because it was extremely sheltered but the people I got to meet there are relationships that I have to this day and some of the best friends in my life I said you're so welcome no worries uh Brandon says he loves my hair color um thank you I appreciate that let's see here random asks what are my least favorite parts of being amputee huh um honestly I would say the fact that I I'm really struggling with the constant setbacks and I don't like the fact that I am struggling with the constant setbacks I uh I want to totally be cool with it I want to be like oh this is just how things go I'm used to it it's fine but when I had this amputation done I wanted to be done with surgeries obviously I knew that that was a not a for sure thing obviously I knew complications happen I knew that revisions could happen but like this amputation was done under perfect conditions and yet things have gone wrong and gone wrong and gone wrong and that's the case for a lot of people I am not a special snowflake with that and yet I am super frustrated that everything is taking so long and things keep happening and are continuing to happen like the surgery itself just got more complicated which I will update you guys on in a little bit but it should still just be one surgery fingers crossed um I just want to be moving forward you know and right now if I let myself get in this mindset I feel like I'm stuck like I'm just standing still I'm not like I can I can move forward there are so many things I'm working on in my life um I get to talk to you guys all the time I get to build this community which is such a gift and so incredible like I want to be walking like I want to be going back to the gym I want to be doing things I can't do that effectively like I can do like sit-ups and push-ups at home but that's about it so that is I don't want to say my least favorite part about being an amputee but that's the thing that comes to mind it's just like so much frustration at the constant setbacks that part of me feels like shouldn't happen because I think we should live in a perfect world where nothing bad ever happens that's sarcasm if you didn't I didn't convey that very well so um yeah so I get I get frustrated about for sure uh let's see here are you oh ash 24 asks are you mad sometimes for what happened to you and your leg good question I'm not mad at I'm not mad at anyone or anything or god or the universe I just get mad um I just get angry sometimes and frustrated at not at anything I just get mad and angry sometimes um because I would prefer that this was not the case sometimes people ask sometimes questions like you know given the choice would you not have fallen off the horse you know and things like that and I think those are kind of impossible questions to answer but what I can tell you is yes I definitely get super angry about everything in brief moments I never stay there because I don't see a point in it but I do think and my counselor tells me this all the time I do think it's important to experience emotions because they're there for a reason and so I try to let myself feel that um okay so I'm gonna have to hop off in like 10 minutes so let me get to some more questions here let's see here page oh page asked if I could go back in time and stop myself from writing would I stop the writing accident I feel like that is a good topic for a full video I'm gonna make a note of that and and come back to that because I have more thoughts on that than we have time to cover here going back in time would I stop it I'll give you more information on that in the future uh penultimate to door I've seen I've uh I know I've seen your comments come up and talk to you before I've never figured out how to say your username correctly have I messed I have mastered the arts of rats and cats living together what is my secret they live in different rooms um the rats have literally their own room and it's like my art room my yoga room my uh hanging out in books and stuff like that room but they are in that room and the cats are not that door stays closed if the cats are out um like it's like it's a big room they're not suffering in there um they have big cages in there too and I'll let them out and they'll run around there um but I don't know that the cats would actually hurt them but the cats have all their claws so I don't know that the cats wouldn't hurt them either and I don't want to take that chance because I love all of them um I said do you plan any more live streams definitely let me know what you guys think about this um I would definitely like to do more live streams and maybe make it like a weekly bi-weekly or once a month thing so uh I enjoy being able to actually talk to you guys like I said I try to get back to as many comments as I can but there's only so many that I can um let's see here uh virtual someone asked me to uh virtual head scratch my cat so here you go that is for yeah Penelton Hortado um Austin you should let us send you photographs and we can pay you to do drawings of them aw thanks so much for asking I have done commission art in the past I do struggle with commission art because I used to want to make it look like perfect so if people were okay with me making interpretive art and just kind of having fun with it I would totally be open to that because someone else asked if I made commission art um boop her nose I'll just boop her little face there she's so sweet isn't she she loves being pet and weirdly she also loves her belly being rubbed does anyone else have a cat that loves its belly being rubbed look how happy she is by the way she's not fat that's just like all fluff she's actually a pancake um what's my yeah edda says art is supposed to be fun that's so true Kristen I'm sorry you keep losing your connection um my favorite food is unfortunately pizza and ice cream I wish I could say something cool like brussel sprouts and kale and be super healthy but yeah it's definitely ice cream pizza 100% um yeah Kristen says my house panther would take your hand off oh goodness uh yeah for rubbing for rubbing its belly I totally understand that our other cat louis will murder you if you tried touch his little belly um let's see here let me get a couple more there's diana says there's nothing wrong with pizza and ice cream I'm glad you guys don't think so I'm a big fan uh isa says dark chocolate or white chocolate uh dark every time all the time soul survivor did I go on any special diet after amputation no I didn't um I have tried a ton a ton of special diets for migraines in the past like I've done the gluten-free thing consistently it didn't help I've done the dairy-free thing consistently it didn't help I've um I've tried a lot of different things and nothing had any real effect and so I didn't go on any special diet after amputation my family really tried to just like make me eat um because recovering from surgery I just didn't have any appetite and I lost weight along with losing weight from losing my leg because you lose like a seven a solid like someone my size loses like seven pounds at least from that um I'm still kind of struggling to like eat consistently um just because like appetite's a weird thing for me in what I'm super stressed out recovering from surgery so um so I just try to eat whatever I can whenever I can't definitely no special diet just eating food consistently um yeah Brennan says I lost double weight basically that's accurate Duncan or Starbucks both probably Duncan Zoe asks have I heard of Ehlers uh Ehlers-Danlos syndrome yes and I really want to get tested for it because I honestly think I might have it I've always thought that I am crazy flexible for no good reason I'll show you guys sometime like the things I can do like with my arms behind my head and like I can put I just I am so flexible I always have been and there are a lot of other symptoms I have that doesn't mean that I have it it just means that and like with the pain that I have everywhere all the time it kind of makes me think that I might have it I have tried Tim Hortons Diana and it's marvelous I don't care what Brian says I'm just noticing that there's more cat hair everywhere it's great uh what are your top home adaptations Jade asks you're soon to be amputee well first off welcome to the soon to be amputee club we are happy to have you but I'm also really sorry that this is something that you're facing uh something that was really helpful is to put handles on your toilet seats if there is a bathroom modification tour it's one of like the first 10 videos on my channel if you go back take a look at that those are the ones I'll recommend having like handles on the toilet seat that could catch me when I was dizzy from falling was really helpful because after surgery you're on drugs and you're trying to adjust to the entire weight dynamic of your body being shifted with that being said it's difficult sometimes trying to sit down on one leg even though like I was used to being on crutches sometimes I had difficulty and so it was great to have something to hold on to um let's see here Julie Rocco hey by the way uh says my house is constantly filled with animal flu I'm glad I'm not the only one I really do try to keep up with it it really doesn't work as you guys have seen over and over again um soul survivors as my dog helped me to heal as an amputee yes me too Sadie has been incredibly helpful and my other dogs who we go visit all the time like I said they are just so healing and so amazing because they just want to help they don't care actually that was on my list too then my animals have really drawn closer to me especially weirdly the cats it's like they knew that I needed healing and so they have been ridiculously cuddly like cakes the cat who just left would sit on my shoulder like every night would just like curl up to me on my chest even and just purr and be there for me so so sweet so all right I'm going to have to hop off I am headed out but this has been delightful thank you for spending part of your Sunday morning with me it's wonderful I think the next one I'll schedule for like maybe even like late on a later on a Friday night maybe on a Saturday morning I know some people are probably at church depending on your time zone right now if you go to church I know some people do um like actually go to a church on a Sunday morning so uh bye everybody is been wonderful to chat with you and I will let you know when I schedule the next one you are all wonderful I really cannot thank you enough for spending your time with me for supporting me for everything that you do you're wonderful mwah enjoy your day I'll talk to you soon