 I want to go back really prior to the prior to the trial and I'll catch up with the trial in a second prior to the trial I mean you've buried your wife actually spread her ashes where she was baptized believe it or not you know it was uh my kids didn't know what to do obviously and I told them look your mother to come to this one place to visit your mother is really not necessary she's going in the water where she always loved to be so anywhere there's water you can visit your mom you don't have to be here at this particular point you can be at a lake in north carolina or in england or wherever wherever there's water you're going to be able to associate with your mother so describe because no one in this room knows what it's like to have a loved one taken from them by another human being so my question is I mean you you better got you where it's military but I mean but what were your feelings towards towards towards my client well I wanted to kill him to be totally honest with you and I almost did well wait wait wait wait when you when you say kill him you mean like like figuratively like I want to kill him like I want to kill that guy are we like you no no I said across the street with a crossbow I was going to kill him like literally kill him I had a cocked I was going to come into the courtroom with it no no it was where he actually was working wait wait wait so how does he work was it wait wait let's back up for a second so when when in when in time is this your this is after uh yeah this is right when he was out doing his thing before we had the trial so it just really started eating on me so let me put it away so I'm gonna put in perspective so he had been in jail so we follow the timeline he got arrested about a couple weeks after the incident when they put the case together he was held with a hundred thousand dollar bond he could not bond out yeah I finally was able to get a bond for him when I was able to tell the show the judge that evidence was manufactured and that they were intentionally delaying it really what I got the the motion because they had to produce all this evidence for me I said listen I they are continuing this case they need to produce this to me I need to be given a benefit of of get my client get out of custody he gets out of custody it was still about 90 days after that before we had our trial so he's out of custody I was gonna kill him then okay so he's out during the trial he's not in custody right after he got out I figured okay this is my opportunity to make it right so so when he gets released from custody yeah this is what I need to hear you you hatched a plan yeah I was gonna kill him when you said you the hatched a plan to kill him how were you going to do it I was gonna shoot him with a crossbow why a crossbow harder well a couple of reasons because all this stuff had gone on I had gotten rid of most of my weapons I'd left a couple of notes in case anything happened to me you know this is what you need to do wait wait when you say happened to you wouldn't mean by that well because I was suicidal really well not so much suicidal as I was I didn't care you know what I mean I'd gotten to the point where I didn't think about my family or anything else I just felt like I'm gonna take care of the situation and if I die I revenge yeah basically when you say take care of the situation so if I for an eye kind of a situation I understand exactly what you're saying so you're saying if you were to die in the attempt of right getting revenge you know people would find stuff and they would know by reasons for doing what I did