 Welcome back. We're going to be, so we had focused on skills of personalizing and now we're going to be looking at how we can influence and how we can initiate action. How could you come to a place of bringing the councillors to move into the next part of their journey in counselling. So they've got them to a place of personalizing that this is the kind of the problem or the goal that they have. Now before we get into initiating, I just would like to also share of how can we get to influence, what do we do to help them to influencing them into initiating that action. Okay, just a minute, I'm just going to, okay. So we're looking at influencing skills that helps them to move forward into getting them to move into action. Now when we look at the word influencing, the word influence is to mean to flow in. It is the act of producing an effect without putting too much of force or a direct sense of command. So it is a skill where the counsellor is taking a step towards moving them into change. You're influencing them in such a way that they are choosing to move from that place of personalizing to a place of actually initiating that form of action. Okay, there are different kinds of influencing skills but some of the skills that you will see takes a direct approach and some would probably be an indirect approach and then we're going to be looking at some of those approaches. So the outcome is always the change, the change of the counselling in their certain situation where they are looking at some alternatives which they can act upon which will help them to bring about a faster or a quicker change and these changes is what we hope will be more permanent. All right, so it can be both a direct as well as an indirect approach but a lot more times it's more direct and the outcome is always to bring about change where you're helping them to look at some alternatives on how they can respond, how they can act so that the change can be better, it can be quicker. Okay, so when you are influencing the very specific purpose is to facilitate that change, is to facilitate the way the counselling chooses to think or it chooses or they choose to act. It's adding a different perspective and a hope. So think of, you know, let's suppose you're teaching a child a certain, let's say you're teaching a child a map and you're teaching a certain method or a technique and if that method and technique doesn't help, you have to bring about another technique or a method that will influence change in the way that they see or in the way that they understand in the way that they act. So that's basically what it means. You're influencing a way so that they could help to think a different way from how your counselling has always thought. They may have thought a certain way that this is the only way to deal with this problem or to deal with this kind of a concern. What you're doing in influencing is you're helping them to think a different way, helping to give a fresh perspective or a fresh hope towards the situation. Now, when is this used? It's used when the counsellor is exploring different options on how they can think or behave in their specific situation. So it is used at the five end of your sessions where you're moving them into a place of action, where you're pushing, where you're gently nudging them into think of different ways of behaving or thinking as against how they have thought or behaved prior to that. We're going to be looking at some influencing skills and I will explain what they mean and then I will bring about a certain example. Now, often we find that counsellors give stories to us so they may be saying things that often have contradictions. There are contradictions between their thought and their feeling. There are contradictions between their feeling and their behaviour. There are many combinations like that and what happens when they could complicate things a lot further when they may have feelings that are ambiguous. That is, they can feel two opposite feelings simultaneously for a certain situation. They're feeling happy yet they are feeling torn about this and usually sometimes counsellors are really not aware that they are doing this. So in order to help counsellors address this distress, it sometimes is essential that these inconsistencies are brought to their attention and address. Otherwise, what can happen is it can get them stuck to that, to their problem. How do we do that? It's very easy sometimes to make a person very defensive and as a counsellor, you need to remember that we are in a position and so what happens is we can bring about certain ways of questioning the position that they are holding. So we've got to carefully confront counsellors because they should not feel and when you look at the word confrontation, it almost looks like a negative connotation but a good confrontation can be gentle, it can be supportive, it can even reflect what accurately reflect what your counsellor has shared with you. So the idea is to help the counsellor really explore maybe their own conflict much more deeply with the goal of coming to a new idea that will benefit them. So the counsellor, when you're expressing it, you're actually expressing genuine confusion to what the client has said so that you not only can understand but you're also helping them to move forward. So what you're helping them do is to face themselves realistically, especially as they're interacting with you. So this is a direct technique with an open and an honest identification of some mechanisms that they may be using and this will help them to integrate some part of themselves which may be in conflict. So basically what you're noticing as a counsellor, you're noticing that maybe their feeling and the way that they behave to it are not in tandem, they're not the same and so you're confronting that and saying, this is what I noticed you saying but nevertheless this is what I've noticed you doing. Would you like to share with me what has been the discrepancy? So you're doing it in a very non-judgmental way but I could also say this, okay, you're saying one thing and you're doing one thing, what are you doing? You only seem very confused about yourself. So that could seem to come up quite negatively. It can be as if there's a negative judgment to this. Let me give you an example that will help you to understand. So the counsellor is saying, I just don't have time to exercise and I don't have the money to join a gym anyway but I really want to lose weight and feel better. So this is what the counsellor has said. The wrong way of a counsellor to say is you're just making excuses then. You know what's good for you and you refuse to do it. So the counsellor has got the discrepancy quite accurately but it has not been properly worded but instead if the right way of saying it is on one hand you know exercise is good for you but yet on the other hand you don't want to do it. Could you explain this to me? So you're helping the counsellor come back to really judge and see for themselves that discrepancy for themselves because the more that they're able to explain or discover that there is intellectually I feel something but when it comes down to that I don't want to do it. So what is it that stands as an impediment into taking that action? So you're actually influencing their thoughts and their ideas of thinking. So confrontation is one of the examples or one of the ways that you can really influence your counselling. The second one is called focusing. Now what is focusing do? Focusing actually brings about is a place where the counsellor directs the counsellor's conversational flow into certain areas. You're focusing from one area into another area. So maybe in the way that you have noticed or when you've spoken to them there are some places that they're talking about and but you would want them to generate a better idea looking at a certain different part of their lives. Like for example maybe you have noticed that your counsellor is talking very little about his family or maybe they've spoken a lot about one area of their life. So let's say maybe the way that they deal with their family and how good his relationships are in his family but when he's talking to you about work and he's saying of how difficult the relationships have been at work. Now what you want to do is you want to focus on that which is working and maybe saying okay would you like to share with me how you have been able to manage successfully your relationships at your home. So he may say yeah you know I'm very kind or I'm very caring about them and I put their needs in front of mine something. So he may give you a certain understanding. Now what you're doing is you've moved from this problem area of the work and you focused on another area taken all his competencies all his strengths and saying okay if you're telling me that you know these are some of the skills that you use when you're working with your family members. Now if you were to use the same skill here at your workplace with your colleagues what would be different. So you see you know what focusing did you've helped them generate a story on one area of their lives and saying okay what worked for me in that place and what can I do to take from that area of my life into this to see if it works. So that's and you're influencing them to saying okay I've done it before with my family I have ABCD skills to deal with people in my family and what if so the councillor is influencing and saying what if you focus on some of those things that you did with your family and use it here how would that generate a different story right so that's what a focusing could could mean or if there are some area that you feel now that this is one example another way of focusing is if you see that there is some area that truly contributes to your understanding of the problem that's when you can say you know I've noticed that you've spoken about this would you like to share a little bit with me about this area of your life right so that will again help you focus on moving away from something that you're which may be a problem which may not be a problem you're helping to direct the focus on to something else let's look at an example and then I think it should help okay so the client the councillor is saying I am wondering how I will manage my finance many bills to be paid kids tuition fees house maintenance and much more so the councillor says you're worried about the many responsibilities you have financially so the councillor says yes absolutely so the councillor is now redirecting for refocusing often the amount and the way we spend our money can give us a good idea on how we can manage our finances what are generally the other things you like to spend on so what is the councillor doing here is that not just looking at the problem places where he's unable to manage his finances Derek he's exploring the councillor is exploring if there are other areas of life that the councillor spends on which makes it difficult for them to pay up these tuition or these kids fees or the other bills or the maintenance so again there is a refocusing there is a change that is taking place from that to this okay so that's that's again what is what is focusing that's again another skill that another influencing skill the third one are you all with me I hope we're all okay okay all right so the next one is what we look at interpretation or reframing now interpretation or reframing again is yet another influencing skill here the councillor is encouraged to perceive their experience in a more positive fashion okay so the councillor what the councillor does is encourages this change or this shift by maybe suggesting alternative ways of viewing their experience so for example let's say a client who's upset about having to move away from home is likely to be focusing on the fact that you know they don't have a good support network or that they're not familiar with the community so the councillor while acknowledging that the you know that the loss for the councillor is great can reframe the event to be seen as an opportunity to experience new things maybe new places new people new growth so what you're doing is it's a way that you're encouraging the councillor to view a life situation from an alternate frame of reference you're giving them a new what do you say a new glasses now this strategy does not change that the situation the facts of the situation or it doesn't make small whatever pain the person is going through but you're actually helping them to think of bringing them to another frame of reference so the objective here is to help them build a better positive perspective towards the problem so that they can take an effective action okay so it involves using a different frame of reference for a problem we look at the same example and this is this is the same example I told you about let's say the councillor says moving away from home has made me miserable I miss my family I miss my friends and everything that was so familiar so the councillor here is not trivializing the pain she says you feel unhappy that you have left behind all your loved ones and everything that was familiar through this move what good do you see through this although so you say so she didn't say it but she's what about despite all of this what are some of the good things that you see so the councillor says I don't know everything is so new but you but you know you could always say what do you think and she or the councillor can say you know sometimes being in a new situation can be quite stressful however it may be an opportunity to experience new people and places too what do you think right so there is a different you're reframing the same situation to be looked at from a different lens so you know from taking this conversation she may say yes there are new people new places so she said yes I agree with that then you can say how do you think you can explore those new people and new places then she may come up with an idea maybe I should just go to my neighbour and probably introduce myself or maybe I should just go around explore the place every morning for 10 minutes so you know you've got them to think to initiate that action so you may sometimes need them need to influence be that small nudge to help them to focus on something that is that that's something that they can do okay the next one is logical consequences logical logical consequences now in this what are you enabling your councillor to do is to really see what could be outcomes of an alternative action so you're looking at positive possibilities and concentrating on those outcomes so sometimes councillors have unrealistic expectations about the consequence of of a certain goal right and they are and and and because of that they can be quite non-compliant they may not comply with you so councillors need to help the councillor to expect both you know both positive also and keep them really focused on looking at what could be positive possibilities that come about so you are actually helping them to logically come to a sense of understanding of that situation so we'll just look at an example okay so the example here is a person who's had depression so the council councillor asked what are your expectations regarding the medication that is given to you for depression so the councillor says I guess with the medication I should feel better in a few days and have them taken off so the council is giving a little bit of information here saying actually the first few weeks you may really not experience much change it may take a month or more to see the real effects of the medicine so the council the councillor says oh that's disappointing then here is where your councillor saying you really wished it would work quick however it would be necessary to keep a constant follow up with the doctor so you're giving certain consequence to the certain ideas that they may have so that they may they may stay realistic in their expectation okay so you're moving them into a right place of action sometimes it may be necessary that you may need to educate your councillors on certain things right which they may not be aware of or even if you are not aware of one thing you can do is you know maybe that's something you and I can check suppose you didn't know that you know that medicines for depression don't work in the initial few weeks you can say actually I'm not too sure about how that could take effect maybe it's a good thing to talk to so and so person to understand the real effects of the medicine so it's okay if you're not if you don't have an awareness if you don't have an understanding of something all that you need to do is if you do find certain things that could have some consequences always going back to help them influencing them to really research or to understand something better before they can decide on taking an action okay okay the next one is what we call a self-disclosure now self-disclosure is what is what helps or what the councillor does to intentionally disclose some information of themselves but which is it should be it should be relevant to whatever the councillor is talking about okay it should not it should be either relevant or it should be supportive of you it cannot be general open details so it involves the councillor disclosing personal information which could be irrelevant or supportive to the decision that the councillor has to make now this is used generally as something to motivate them to concentrate on the positive aspect of a certain situation so this it helps strongly because it helps to build that sense of trust and a rapport in the relationship but we've got to be careful that you know it should not be used inappropriately that councillor should not be sharing too much of their stories it shouldn't be taken done inappropriately so much so that the councillor is in fact listening to you then you listening to the councillor I mean then the councillor listening to the councillor so if you need to use self-disclosure you've got to be intentional you've got to be simple just to the point situations or stories stay parallel which is it should be relevant it should be appropriate to what the councillor is sharing you shouldn't lie time it correctly you know sometimes when the councillor is really crying and feeling very bad about something you can't say oh the same thing also happened to me you know and that becomes like it becomes like you're the centre of the counselling group and don't over burden your councillors and disclose too frequently one or two here and there is fine but it is it's a helpful technique to help them to rethink or think of a different situation um look at let's look at an example um the councillor is saying I know how hard it is to be consistent about disciplining children I struggled with correcting the behaviour of my children too for a while a few years ago often it just feels like it's more work and effort but at the end I have seen that it has paid off being consistent so here she's just encouraging the councillor to be consistent even with the changes that may not really happen so the councillor is saying oh I can't imagine you having problems managing your kids um and the councillor is saying I'll take that as a compliment but it's been a learning experience for me too so it really helps to see sometimes when the councillor is disclosing on how the councillor also works through some of these situations okay the last one is feedback feedback is what helps uh in giving information it involves giving concise information to the councillor about what is an improvement or it's a feedback about how how they have been so it's uh it it is given back to your councillor and it isn't about um the content of the information but about their behaviour so it describes how they act and appear to others when they are sharing their story so it's a powerful technique because clients councillors hear things about themselves and the way that they appear to others that they may have never considered or that they may be new to them okay so it should basically concentrate on the positive aspects of the person's behaviour and how he can explore some possibilities in order to achieve that kind of an improvement so it really helps for the councillor to hear certain certain examples or certain ways on how things can be worked uh worked out so the example here the councillor is saying I'm wondering if you have noticed that each time we have discussed the children your eyes have filled up would you explain to me what you're going through so here there's something there's a feedback whenever you've spoken about your children your eyes have filled up it's an observation and there's a feedback given so she's saying over the past few years you seem to or or another way to say it is over the past few years you seem to have made efforts to stick on to the schedule you have prepared the progress you are seeing could be related to that so it different examples of how a councillor is really giving a proper feedback in order to influence and initiate continue the change that may have uh that the councillor may have gone through uh there's sorry there's one more yeah there's one more the next the last one is providing information and suggestions now information involves giving the councillor some information that can assist them in some way sometimes it's important to help with that okay so it doesn't I know very often we talk about don't give suggestions but there may be certain information that is important to give it which should be relevant to their needs it should be they should be receptive to that information and be very concise and concrete about the information that you are giving okay an example is the client is saying I have been wanting to know all the investment plans available in a bank but I'm afraid because I don't understand some of those terms so the councillor says yes all those jargons are unfamiliar maybe a good person to approach is to is a bank manager so some some um you know direction and some feedback can help the councillor to really pick up some of those some of these simple simple kind of details okay now these influencing skills are generally used in degrees that that depend on the councillor's approach and the personal framework so it depends on how you are using it you can use you there are many people who use it highly and some people who don't use anyway it's a it's a skill that can be used okay I have a few examples for you to write a response okay so um let's look at uh this is a time for you all to you all to work on okay let's look at using some influencing skills all right the first the client is saying I know I generally feel better after the medical procedure but visiting a doctor is so frightening those needles the smells and the entire environment can be very daunting so can you use any of these influences influencing skills interpretation or reframing or logical consequences so I'd like you all to put some answers what can how can you use any of this okay you could put your answer in the chat okay either using a logical consequence or interpretation reframing so she's saying I feel better when I go to the doctor but it is so frightening those needles the smell and the entire environment is very daunting so what influencing skill can you use you can put your responses on the chat do you all want to see what uh interpretation and reframing is I will quickly move back there logical consequences is this okay there are positive outcomes okay how can you look at positive outcomes and interpretation is you're looking at a different perspective a different frame of reference towards the problem okay yeah anyone quickly quickly let's let's try and finish quickly what could you say to this person okay you need to try only if you try will we know that we are in the right direction or not nobody okay jack in okay it seems that the thought of visiting a hospital is quite frightening but then a good doctor can help you with your issue very good that's that's excellent that's good good jack in so you've done interpretation and reframing can someone do logical consequences can someone try logical consequences okay let me help with that so that you have a flow so I'd say something like you know I I do see that it can be very daunting to to be in an environment which which smells and which which which feels very very difficult it can it can be very very unsettling but I was wondering you know once you've had that treatment you did mention that you feel better could you describe that to me how does how does it help you feel better so there is that you you're moving them away from the place of what is difficult into what may help right so then she may say yeah I after that I'm you know I'm I'm much better health or what I said okay so then once she has explained that you could probably bring about saying so when you look at the the environment the hospital environment and the benefit that you get out of it what do you see is probably do you see that it's probably worth it what do you think right so you're helping them to logically experience a different kind of a situation okay next one we'll do one more okay last week I used the techniques we discussed on how to control my anger by taking a time out but this morning I completely lost it and screamed and shouted at my mother this just hopeless okay use influencing skills either feedback or self-disclosure any of the two feedback is you're giving them some you're giving them an evaluation of what you have seen them do well positively or a self-disclosure is something about yourself in the way that you've probably dealt with a similar situation yeah anybody come on okay this shouldn't be too hard self-disclosure shouldn't be too hard come on somebody okay I'm I'm going ahead because if you are not going to try then I'm just gonna say it okay all right so one thing that you can bring about if you're using feedback you can say you know it seems sometimes it seems very distressing because despite the things that you have tried you were not able to control your anger but I want you to look at the week before when we spoke about how you were able to control your anger and you told me of how in that situation you were able to hold yourself I do see that you know you tried immensely at that time in controlling your anger you tried this you tried a you tried b you tried c and all of this helped you don't you think how do you think the next time you're faced with your mother what could you use so basically I'm giving her a feedback that the earlier time when she tried it she she was able to do it and you know don't give up hope now you know what could you focus on so that's on feedback or self-disclosure is you know maybe I can see what you mean because there are sometimes even I feel that I'm unable to hold myself but one thing I have found helpful is to just move away from the situation when I get angry so that's a self-disclosure okay so these are techniques of how you move them into a place influencing them into moving them into action okay we'll we'll go forward the next the quick one this is a really brief one it is how do you help to initiate action now once your councillors have come to a place of getting their goals you're helping them develop strategies for accomplishing their goals so basically um let's say the earlier example we spoke about Anita right Anita wanting to you know really spend some more time studying that she's she felt she was multitasking and she needed to study right she needed to focus on one or two things to study so the the goal is to study to focus on one thing now what you're doing here is to ask them the different questions of you know what they are going to do how they're going to do when they're going to do really just building up that the fact of how can they get to that place of acting of of bringing about that that action so that's that's what you're basically trying to help them do so you may you may need to like it like get them to like how you would problem solve okay this is the problem okay you need to study what are four or five ways you can think so she may say I may like to do a group study or I may like to study early in the morning or I'd like to get help from a tuition teacher or I'd like so there are three or four alternatives that she may come up with okay and once she comes up with that alternative finding what is the best strategy what is the best fit strategy so may she may look at okay maybe I will think about you know having a group study so that's the strategy looking at the pros and the cons of that strategy and then once that pros and cons is decided then formulating a certain plan and going about it okay so initiating action is is very simple the problem is you know what the goal is the goal is she needs to study what are 10 ways or five ways that she can study deciding what is the positive and the negatives of each of those strategies choosing the best one and doing it and at the end coming back to a time of feedback of of understanding how some of the some of this can be done so the initiating action part of it is is very is something that all of us probably have done in some way or the other right finding out five strategies deciding the pros and the cons choosing the best strategy alongside with your counselling and getting them to do it and providing a sense of a feedback so these are these are some of the ways that you would get them to formulate that and then they may come back and tell you okay this worked that didn't work find out why is what happened what made what why didn't it work what were the issues that that didn't allow it to work what is an alternate plan that you can do so the initiating action is basically to get them to begin to resolve and finding out getting them to a place of implementing implementing whatever they have decided and come up to and at the end you give them a feedback or an evaluation review the entire course of action and and then if you know it gets resolved then you come to that place where you are terminating you're bringing about the entire termination of it okay so we've gone through different skills through you know in in in counselling we started off with attending we went into responding we went to questioning influencing and then moving into action now it doesn't mean all because you finished these five after that after initiating action on one goal you counselling may say you know there is another thing that I wanted to talk about since this is settled I have something else to discuss so then you're going back to that same route over over again till a point of time the counselling says you know I've got I've got whatever has that I needed to have I've been able to establish it and I and you know I've been able to work through that action so these are you know we've gone through a lot of those these counselling skills again now this is all in theory right in theory they they look how do I put it they look they look as if they they form one after another but but it's something that that we need to practice to see how they move from one to another and and that's why it's so important to to get into conversations with people you know use these skills back to figure out where you're getting stuck because until and unless you're able to really go through the through through an entire counselling session you may not really figure out where where where you're getting stuck maybe the next class what I probably do when I'm in person when I'm with the students maybe we'll take some time maybe around 20 minutes to try and take a small problem and try and tease out the entire thing and you know look into attending looking into responding looking into questioning influencing and action we'll try and do that it isn't very easy to do that you know in 20 minutes but we'll try our best so that you know there can be a little bit of refreshing of how these skills go about okay all right one or two minutes any questions before we close okay the class has been extremely quiet I haven't even heard a whisper today so okay will someone close with a word of prayer anybody jack in can I request you to close with a word of prayer please go ahead go ahead whoever had I think just prince please go ahead prince prince please go ahead uh mama let jack in okay jack in is not how do I say go ahead jack in father god thank you lord thank you for this time lord god that you've given us lord god as we sit and learn lord god the counseling skills father father give us the wisdom lord give us the strength lord give us the love compassion and patience lord all that is needed or god to invest in another person's life for god father help us lord god to view them lord god as you see them lord god help us lord god to learn the techniques lord god and you are the one who fills us with your wisdom or lord give each of us your wisdom lord your love father that we will learn these techniques and use them fruitfully lord god wherever that you want us to use us or god be it lord in our in the circle that you've given us the influence that you've given us wherever that you take us or god help us to be obedient and teach each of us give us the grace of father give us the wisdom a lot father thank you lord that you've given so many things you've taught us so many things a lot father we pray a blessing on each and every one of us in jesus mighty name we pray amen amen thank you jack in thank you all god bless meet y'all next week