 In this video, we're going to be talking about how Vanya Hargreaves, played by the wonderful Ellen Page, ended up snapping. But we're also going to be talking about how we can deal with anger and trauma that stems from childhood. What is up everybody? This is Chris from The Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health. And what I like to do is pull different topics from pop culture, like TV, Netflix, movies, all that kind of stuff, to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And like I mentioned, we're going to be talking about like towards the end, we're going to be talking about dealing with anger issues that stem from childhood. And I have a new book out, it's called Rewire Your Anger, the audio version's out. It just got released on Audible as well. The links for that will be down in the description. So if you're somebody who snaps and you got a bunch of pent up stuff inside, go check out the book. I think it's only like four or five bucks over on Audible, or you can get the bundle for like $7.99. All right. But anyways, let's talk about the Umbrella Academy and specifically Vanya Hargreaves. If you haven't seen my video about Klaus, go check that out. I'm going to be doing some more character breakdowns. But anyways, for those of you who haven't seen the Umbrella Academy, there will be spoilers in this. So if you're still finishing up the series, go check it out. Come on back. If you don't plan on watching the series, just stay here and get some mental health goodness. All right. So a little context for the show. These are kids who are all born on the same date, ended up having super powers. The father ended up adopting seven of them, turning them into a little superhero team. But then you have Vanya Hargreaves. She is one that they told her whole life that she doesn't have any powers. And this is what we're led to believe. So while the other six are out fighting crime and doing their thing, Vanya Hargreaves was kind of pushed to the side. And you see a lot of this, even in the beginning of the series or the season, that they ignore her, they neglect her. She's told that she's not special. She's kind of treated as this little whatever just by the rest of the kids. So they kind of neglect her and all of those things. And the first thing that we'll talk about is this. Nobody likes to be neglected. If you live in a family, especially a big family, like please, please, please do yourself a favor, go out of your way and try to befriend the other person. Okay. Try to do that. Try to keep them included and all those things. Like I did a video with my mom, Dr. Randazo over on her channel about family roles, like toxic family roles and all of that. And one of the roles that I could relate to was the forgotten child. Okay. So for me personally, my sister, she was always getting in trouble, always having issues, getting kicked out of school. She had my nephew at a very young age, all these other things. All of the attention was on her. So I felt like the forgotten child, right? And it sucks because as that child, you're doing everything that you can to be good, to be on straight narrow and everything like that, but you're not getting attention. Okay. You're not getting attention. You're not getting the love. That thing that we all crave, especially from our parents, you know what I mean? And this can develop into a lot of issues, which we're going to talk about later with Vanya's relationship with Harold. All right. But here's the thing. And we saw it not only when Vanya was a child, but as she grew older as well. One of the biggest issues that people who were raised as the forgotten child, but even as they get older, we have a problem with not feeling heard. We feel like people do not hear us. All right. And some people point out that I say certain things like a lot like, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? And things like that. And part of that, part of it, part of it is me trying to make sure that I'm being heard because that was one of the biggest issues that I had growing up. Now, the other reason why I say like, you know what I mean? Does that make sense and all that is because I'm used to teaching groups at a rehab center and I want to make sure that people are paying attention. So it's a little bit of both in my case. Now, one of the issues that I don't think a lot of people understand is like you've heard me talk about Dr. Daniel Siegel, who is a neuroscientist and he talks a lot about childhood brain development and all of that. Like in one of the books I read by him, it might have been parenting from the inside out, but there's actually a lot that happens in the brain when you feel like you're not being heard, when it feels like you're being misunderstood. Your brain, like your neurons, they start to just like go crazy, right? Because they freak out because part of our communication and connecting with other people is about being heard. It's about being understood. And when we feel and sometimes our perception is not the reality, but when we feel we're not being heard, it can lead to anxiety. It can lead to a lot of anger, frustration, all sorts of things. So it's important that we feel heard. That's why, by the way, you need to hang out with people who can be there and just listen to you talk, right? This is one of the reasons why therapy is such a good option for so many people. Like go see a therapist. Like therapists are trained to listen. So if you don't have somebody in your life who will listen to you, go to therapy, okay? Talk to your doctor so you can get a referral. Talk to your insurance company, see if they can refer you to somebody. Talk to friends, family members who are in therapy, see if they can recommend anybody. If you would like, you can check down below. I have an affiliate link for BetterHelp. What that means is it helps support the channel. You get online therapy at an affordable price. I use BetterHelp, but we need somebody in our lives where we can feel heard, okay? So the next thing I want to talk about is because Vanya has been set on the outside of this family for so many years, her entire life, even as an adult, it makes her more susceptible to being a victim in an abusive relationship, which is something that you might have struggled with. Like one of the things that a lot of people don't understand is there are reasons. There are reasons why people get into abusive relationships, okay? And a lot of it stems from childhood. Like you hear that term like, oh, daddy issues and stuff like that, but it's very true. Like if you had an absentee father, if you had an absentee mother, like I did in my case, because she was an alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life, like we look for somebody who's going to give us attention. And the thing is we ignore all of the red flags. So in Vanya's case, when she started to see Harold, she like ignored all of the red flags, but even when they became even more apparent. So even when, you know, her sister Allison was pointing out all of these things, showing her the evidence, like we have a tendency to neglect it, to neglect all those things. Because finally, finally we're getting that love, that attention, all those things that we've been craving our entire life. So our standards just slowly dropped. And this is why we have to work on our mental health. So in Vanya's case, like let's not talk for a second about how Harold was like somebody who like murdered his own father and like he was not a great guy. I hired people to like beat him up and lose an eyeball and all that. But anyways, you see what happened with how the abuse happened. So something that abusers like to do in a relationship is isolate you, right? So there were times when Vanya actually wanted to reach back out to her family and like connect with them or have a discussion with them. And Harold kept telling her like, no, no, they don't care about you. I care about you. You don't need to talk to them. You need to talk to me, right? So your abuser will try to separate you from people who love and care about you. Like anybody who's been in an abusive relationship, feel free to let me know down in the comments below. Let me know, has that person separated you from other people in your life? Or if you're single and looking for someone to date, this is a huge sign of a red flag. We also had a lot of gaslighting from Harold, where Harold was constantly making, you know, Vanya question her own sanity, right? Now the thing is, is eventually Vanya ended up killing Harold, but like relationships like this, they never work out, right? Like you will see relationships that are mutually abusive, like they don't go to this extent, right? This is a fictional TV show, but they do go to this extent where somebody will stay with the other person, right? Just because they're giving them love and affection and all this attention and stuff like that. But when this person screws up, they will snap because they have a lot of unresolved issues that they haven't learned a healthy way to work through. This is again, why we need to make our mental health a major, major priority before we go jumping into relationships. Like I stayed single for over a year and a half, right? When I first started working on myself and my mental health, because I knew it wasn't fair to the other person that I wasn't even working on myself yet. Or I wasn't at a stable place where I felt like I could be in a healthy relationship. Like no matter how good the other person was to me, even if I found the best girlfriend on earth, no matter how good they were to me, I was still going to have a lot of issues and I would freak out over small things and that would be extremely selfish of me, all right? So this is one of the reasons why if you are single, make sure you are working on your mental health. So the last thing that we'll talk about is how Vanya basically brought on the apocalypse with her anger issues. Like you guys, if you're a parent, you definitely need to check out Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel. I'll go ahead and link it down in the description below. But there are so many things that are the result of our childhood that we do not even know. And especially if you're a parent, you need to understand that certain things that you do as a parent is a result of your traumatic childhood. You might be treating your child in similar ways that your damaging parents treated you and you don't even realize it, all right? Like we have to gain this self-awareness so we can work on the problem. Now in Vanya's case where she lost control, blew up the moon and brought on the apocalypse, like this is why anger issues are just important for all of us to work on. This is why I wrote We Wire Your Anger. Like there's so many things that I just completely crumbled the pieces because of my anger issues and I've had to learn ways to kind of tame them. This doesn't mean that I'm never angry, but I don't bring my entire world down on top of me because of those feelings. Anger is a very normal feeling, but it's the actions that follow that typically get us in trouble, all right? So make sure, if you struggle with anger issues, check out down in the description below, all right? But anyways, let me know your thoughts on, you know, Vanya Hargreaves character, if you've watched The Umbrella Academy and all of that, or if you can relate to any of the topics that I'm talking about down in the comments below, okay? Anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I'm doing more character breakdowns for The Umbrella Academy. And a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing. And if you would like to become a patron and get some exclusive stuff, click or tap right there, all right? Thanks so much for watching. I'll see you next time.