 you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Lash, with Alan Reed as the swelling. Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in Italy. Dear Mamma Mia, it's now Christmas shopping season and all the good Americans that they move out of their houses and they start to live in one big place, the department of stores. Mamma Mia, you should have seen the crowds. Yesterday I went to Sears of Rosebuck. I went there to buy a two cents washer for my sink, which is a leaking. Five times I'm going to start off at the hardware department, and five times the crowd is pushing me back to the ladies' house coats. Finally I'm going to come home with the two cents of washer for a sink, which the clerk is a gift-wrapped, tied with a pink ribbon, and a stamp that don't open up before Christmas. Why does it turn out nice anyway? This Christmas, even my sinkers are going to be surprised with a present. Mamma Mia, yesterday I'm going to send you a Christmas present, a bread toaster. This is a wonderful American intervention, but it's a one-a-thing I'm a one-a-you-about. Don't try to stuff it in the whole of bread at the one time. Put in just one slice of bread, and don't do nothing until you see the smoker come out. Then you take out of the bread, scrape off the black part, and eat. This is a taste almost as good as a plain bread that's a stale. For a Christmas of time, Mamma, everybody's got a list with their friends' name on it. I'm going to have to mine it too. Everybody's name is on it, except for my countryman, Pasquale, because for him I'm going to something extra special. All year long I'm going to put away a dollar a weekend on my banks at Christmas, a club. Till now I'm going to fit for the dollars, just for this big surprise for Pasquale. This is a wonderful surprise, and it's such a big secret I'm a hater even to tell it myself. But are you? Are you what I'm going to tell them, Mamma Mia? You see, everybody is to get to somebody, so here comes Pasquale. He's in my store now. I'm going to write to you more later. Luigi, my friend. Hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale. Merry Christmas. Hello, Pasquale. Merry Christmas. And a Merry Christmas to you, little banana nose. Luigi, I know you short of money, so don't get me nothing that you can't pay out in the twelve easy installments. All right, Pasquale. Pasquale, you finished with your Christmas shop and you got it? Luigi, how would you like to see television every night the next year? Oh, Pasquale, you shouldn't. Don't worry, I didn't. Well, what are you talking? I'm already teasing you, Luigi. I'm going to buy you a big, beautiful television set. Oh, Pasquale, you're wonderful. Sure, and I'm not going to get you just a plain little ten-inch screen. No. This is going to have a sixteen-inch screen. Is it going to keep out all of the flies? Oh, thank you, Pasquale. Also, at this set, is it going to have a hundred-foot electric cord? Yeah, but Pasquale, I'm going to get a little room. I need a hundred-foot electric cord at the reach of the socket. Oh, I forgot to tell you something, little cabbage-a-puss. You're going to plug in the cord either you store, but the television set is going to play in my daughter Rosa's room. Pasquale, you mean every time I'm going to want to watch you the television set, I'm going to have to do it to what do you, daughter? That's all right. Do you lucky pups of you? Pasquale, if you don't mind, I'm going to rather listen to my radio. That's the matter. Don't you think there's enough to see on the television? I want to shoot, Pasquale. But what are your daughter, Rosa, in the room, or who's going to be able to see it? Oh, Luigi, will you stop with the fact of talk? So what if my Ray Rose is away 250 pounds? That's not so big. It's all the way you look at it. Pasquale, if you don't mind, I'm rather not to look. Luigi, why don't you think about it? It'd be fair. Remember, there's two sides to everything. Yeah, but there's eight the sides of two rows. I'm so mad. Remind me, after you give me my Christmas present, I never should have spoken to you again. All right, all right, Pasquale. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to my night to school at class. All right, go, go, go, Luigi. Now, remember, don't go spending any money on me for Christmas. My waist is 56 and my neck size is 19. All right, Pasquale, goodbye. I'm going to see you later. Yeah, that little pumpkin ahead. Well, he's going to get the money to buy the good presents anyway. He's always got to come up to me for money. I'm his private little marshal of plan. Hey, what's the issue? There's a left behind little envelope. I'm in no like of the peak, but if the inside of the envelope wants the peak on me. Hey, what's the issue? $50. Oh, he's going to do something behind my back. Let's see what is right on this paper. Christmas list. Well, my name must be on the top. The Spaulding. Schulz, Horowitz, Olsen. Must be saving me for the last. Male man, Rosa, Winder cleaner, officer Flanagan, Tommy, the news boy, Jake the Pickler man. He left me out. $50. He's a hit away from me and he's left me out to me. He's a guardian in America. When he's coming here from Italy, I'm going to give him his first pair of shoes. He's the first to haircut. He's the first to comic book. And when he said no, could have read it. I was a helper mouth. I was to get somebody to read it to it. No prisoner for Pasquale. I'm going to show him this list. This money, I ain't going to keep it. I just going to hold it for him till Christmas. 1999. All right, class, class, quiet, please. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko. Here. Mr. Horowitz. Mr. Olsen. Yes. Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz. Is that supposed to be St. Nicholas calling his reindeer? It ain't Frankie Lane calling his mule reindeer. Mr. Schultz, no more singing and stop cracking your belt. All right. Down, Mr. Schultz. It's just a Christmas spirit. Here's a little present I brought for you. Well, thank you, Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz, I brought you something too. And here's my gift to Mr. Schultz. I brought you something also. Oh, what a bunch of copycats. It's wonderful. I can't find the words. Who cares, as long as you don't find the price tag? Schultz, Horowitz Olsen. Here, I'm a brought to you some little things at all. Thank you, Luigi. Oh, that's wonderful. Fellas, fellas, should I do it to him now? Sure, go ahead. Go ahead. Luigi, we got together yesterday after class. Well, we all talked about you and what a nice fellow you was. Well, we shipped in, and here's your Christmas present. And that's all. Merry Christmas, Mr. Baskoff. Oh, friends, what a wonderful present. This is the most beautiful fountain of pen I've ever owned. Is it the only fountain of pen I've ever owned? Come on, Mamma Mia. A gold tupper with a beautiful inner side. Luigi, go ahead. Read the inscription that we wrote to you on the pen. Yo ho, Luigi. And it comes straight from the heart. All right. I'm ready. Forty and a character gold filled. Luigi, you're reading the point. Here, I'm the cap, you are. Oh, with a sincere friendship. Christmas of 1949. Oh, class, this is beautiful. And I can't think of any other words that you could have added. More words. If we added any more words, we'd have you had ended up with two fountain pen. Luigi, we're glad you like it. It was just a slight return for the presents you got us. Luigi, what did you get for Pascale? Huh? Oh, well, for Pascale, I'm getting something extra special. You see, he's the one who's brought me to this country. He's a watch over me all of the time. So I'm getting him a big surprise. A wallet? A watch? A necktie? No, class, it wasn't none of those things. It's a surprise that... Well, give us a hint already. Well, is it something that Pascale's not going to touch, smell, or feel? He's not going to keep it, but once he's got it, he's not going to change it. Stop, Luigi, you're getting us all for shimmel. Come on, Luigi, you just got a curiosity all around. Yeah, what are you going to give Pascale? Well, yesterday I went to the bank, took out the money, and I'm going to send it to myself. What time can it get to Pascale? It's different. Something that nobody has ever given anybody before. Aha, so you're getting him a shrunken mummy head. Mr. Schultz, will you please stop interrupting and let Mr. Basko finish? Well, anyway, I'm a talk of this money, and I'm a... I'm a mummy. Well, is something wrong, Mr. Basko? Well, Pascale's a Christmas of money. It's a... it's a missing. No, look, wait, wait, Luigi, first look in all your pockets. Your entire thing for you might have left it. No, no, I'm a left at an up-place, I'm lost it. It's terrible. Please, please, Mr. Basko, excuse me, I've got to go look for it. Oh, certainly, Mr. Basko. Luigi, don't take it so hard. Schmei, it's only money. It's only lost it. What are you going to do? Jump off the bridge? How much money did you lose? $50. $50? Luigi, move over and I'll jump off with you. Mr. Basko's adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. And so, mummy, is it no use even to tell you what wonderful present I was going to get for Pascale, because I was a loss of the $50, I was a saver for it. All night long, I'm looking at streets with my search light. No money, and it cost me 20 cents for batteries. All of a sudden, in my house, I'm a look all over, under my rug, into the flower pot, into the chandelier. All I'm gonna find is a dust in the flower pot, in the chandelier, and a no lamp, but the one that's in the work. All of a sudden, I'm gonna push away all the furniture, sweep up all of the floors, dust under the couch and at the bed. I'm gonna find the money, mummy, but today I'm gonna get the cleanest room in Chicago. Mummy, I'm gonna know how to look at a Pascale. Right now, I'm gonna see him looking through the window. He don't see me, but I'm gonna see him. He's talking to Rosa, and he's looking very mad. I'm gonna just imagine what he's saying at the heart about to me. Rosa, stop eating for a minute. I want to talk to you. All right, Papa. Rosa, who's the best friend that Luigi ever had? You, Papa. And who's that treated him better, fairer than anybody in this country? You, Papa. And who's the turn outer to be a rotten, ungrateful jackass? You, Papa. I'ma send you to college. Can't you say nothing but a you, Papa? Go back to you, Papa. From now on, we're true with Luigi. Don't ever associate with him. Don't go near him. Don't ever let me see you thinking about him. Not even a doctor. He's a come back to you when he's a hens in his knees. What would you say to him? I'ma so mad on him he's never going to get back as a $50. Some Christmas list these I had, presents for everybody, even Jake and a Pickleman. But for me, nothing. It's not the presents so much. I wouldn't care if he was to give me a cheap $0.29 necktie. Same one I gave him last year. I'ma so mad on him I'm going to cut him out of my will. Papa, have you got a will? No, but I'm going to make one out just so I can cut him out. Impossible I've been a hintin' since the Thanksgiving. But God, huh? Rosa, mind the stall. I'm going to talk with that little pup squeaky. Better have a good reason why he left me out of his Christmas list. I'm going to break his neck. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi. Hello, Pasquale. Merry Christmas. That all depends. What do you look so sad about? You did something you're sorry for, maybe? Pasquale, I'ma lost a little white envelope. Maybe you was a funder. Absolutely not. And I can approve it with a six of witnesses. I'ma believe you, Pasquale. Luigi. What, Pasquale? You didn't forget anything lately, did you? Well, you know it's a season now for Santa Claus. People are being a generous fill the stockings over the fireplace. Pasquale, I'm sorry, but... Down the bottom in our butts. Luigi, all year long you've been crying about that broken down old radio you got that's always a blow in the tubes. So yesterday I went out and bought you something. And no radio? No, three new tubes. That was it going to be your present, including a few other things I was going to get you. But now you could have forget them. Pasquale, please listen. After all, a fellow who's a forgetter, I'm alive. Pasquale, I'ma... I'ma didn't forget you. Huh? You got something for me, Luigi? Are you saving for surprise, eh, Luigi? Pasquale, here's to your present and a Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Luigi. What a beautiful fountain of pen. Look, a gold cap, a 14 of carats appointed. That's right. There was a writing on it with a sincere friendship Christmas of 1949. Luigi, I got to apologize to you, I had you all wrong. That's all right, Pasquale. As long as you're happy enough. That's true, I'm a very happy. Now you did me a favor, I'm going to do you a favor. Pasquale, please, no roses. It's not the roses, it's something else. Luigi, when you left the store yesterday, I was a stand-in there, and suddenly, Luigi, my fellow boobler... No, hello, Shulshen. Smile, Luigi, a Merry Christmas to everybody. Even you, Pasquale. Merry Christmas to Mr. Delicatessen Man. Luigi, I never got the chance to really thank you for that little wallet you gave me for a present. That's all right, Shulshen. Use it in a good health. Oh, thank you. I love that little secret compartment inside where you can hide the money. You know, it's really very tricky. It took my wife ten minutes to find it. Everybody, we like me almost laughing. My rheumatism is killing me. Anyway, Luigi, thanks for the wallet, and it's too bad that you didn't find it. I should say, I'm going to talk to you. I'm not just a second, Luigi. Pasquale, it's too bad that Luigi couldn't get you a present this year. What are you talking about? Luigi would never forget his best friend, Pasquale. Pasquale. Look at Shulshen. Pasquale. He never did this to me. Pasquale. That's a very suspicious present. He will end up the same fountain pens he class gave you, Luigi. Yeah, that's the right issue, sir. I'm a liar. There's so much I'm moving out, and I've got the same kind of water for Pasquale. Uh-huh. And where's yours, Luigi? Well, what is it? If you're not Shulshen on your way home from school, I'm lost to money. Oh, you did, huh? Uh-huh. Then tell me, Luigi, how could you buy Pasquale a fountain pen if you lost the $50? Luigi, you mean that you couldn't have bought me a present when you lost the money, so you gave me the fountain and pen the classes he gave you? Is that what you mean, Luigi? I'm a... Merry Christmas, Pasquale. Luigi. Luigi, why didn't you tell him why you didn't give him a present? Pasquale, did you know that this little rena schnitzel here, he's been saving a dollar a week from his lunches and coffers just so he could prepare a big surprise for you? Luigi, you was gonna spend all of the $50 out of me? What could you buy? Suit, coat, shoes, a dowry payment at an automobile? No, Pasquale, was there nothing like that? Was there nothing you could wear or eat or play with? Was there something for the heart? Well, what tell us already? Well, to me... to me, Christmas is not for just the given things. It's for the spirit, peace on earth to go to will towards the man. Pasquale, if what I was gonna give you would've made you feel it that way, it would've been a really Christmas present. Well, Luigi, where is it this present? Maybe if for you it was suddenly to find the money, you could still buy it. No, Pasquale, it's not in the store. You see, I was a went to the church and I said to Faracani, Faracani, I'm gonna be glad to give it a church of $50 if on a Christmas night, you little boys acquire with their beautiful voices, there was it to come and sing out to side of Pasquale's store. The little boys acquire. Ah, Luigi, only you could think of a thing like that. Yeah, but what's the use? I was supposed to be there this morning, but I didn't have the money. I'm a side of Pasquale. Hey, Pasquale, where are you going? I'm gonna kill myself. What? Luigi, I'm the worst the rat that's ever crawled on the face of this earth. You see, I was the one... Luigi, what's that? Hey, Pasquale, that's the choir. There was it come anyway. Look, there's a Faracani. Open the doors and let's hear it. Yeah, listen. Oh, it's wonderful. But I'm not expected you to come. I'm gonna bring you no money. Luigi, the church never asks for money in advance. I'd have answered but a father I'm gonna get the nothing. You see, I was a loser. Luigi, look under the table. That's an envelope. Hey, it's looking like a my envelope. I'm looking inside. Yeah, there's a money inside of my money. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100. You see, Luigi, you found your money after all. Yeah, but a father, how is it possible? It was only fifth of the Indian envelope and now it's 100. Luigi, it's a Christmas of time. A miracle it can happen. Yeah, Pasquale, I wonder who's made it a miracle. And Pasquale has got his Christmas present after all. And I'm a finisher this letter to you who to my brand-new fountain of pen. Pasquale has wanted to write to some extra words on it like you best friend of Pasquale, but he should see the letter. So he's a now pen on a pencil set. Mamma mia. Maybe you was thinking to yourself how much you're good was a my present to have on a Pasquale. Well, I'ma tell you. After everybody's went away, the father, the choir, Schultz, I'ma look at the empty envelope and I'ma say to Pasquale, Pasquale, you made it a miracle. And Pasquale's a said to me, No, Luigi, you did it. It's a fake miracle to make a miracle. Merry Christmas, Mamma mia. To Uncle Pedro, the goat, everybody in our little town, but most especially to you. You're lovin' a Santa Luigi Pasquale, the immigrant. I'm over most of these stations when Luigi Pasquale writes another letter to his mama Pasquale describing his adventures in America. Wife with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is written by Mack Benoth and Lou Derman and directed by Mack Benoth. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Pasquale with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Conrad Schultz, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Ship as Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, Ken Peters as Olsen. Music is under the direction of Lud Blusken. It's Ethel of the Barrymore's and Bing of the Crosby's who are teaming up to bring you a merry half hour on CBS Tomorrow Night. Yes, on CBS's Wednesday Night Bing Crosby Show, you'll hear Ethel Barrymore bringing her great talents to a special Christmas story Bing will sing Silent Night at Desta Fidelis and White Christmas among his songs. The Bing Crosby Show is heard every Wednesday night on most of these same CBS stations. Bob Stevenson's station. Now stay tuned for a state as well as immediately on CBS, the Columbia Broadcast Incident.