 Do some guys regret losing their girlfriend? Well, I guess it depends but I will tell you this some men actually do regret losing someone in their life And there's some men that could care less that they've lost someone or let someone go Now we have to explore some of the reasons of why I got something my tooth We have to explore the reasons why someone might regret losing a person but more importantly Why they would end a relationship with someone I think if we're going to dive into that We have to differentiate between short-term Relationships and those that are more significant relationships and what I mean to say someone who's been together for one year Two years or longer versus those short-lived relationships because I think if we think if we're looking at some of those Relationships that have only been a few weeks or a few months The reality is is there wasn't enough trust established there wasn't enough attachment Established in that early period To really warrant regretting losing something I would think if there hasn't been enough connection established enough Attachment then highly unlike they're going to regret losing someone but certainly a more Established relationship that would happen, but let me ask you ladies Does it really matter if a man regrets losing a relationship? Do you really care if you're honestly caring if he regrets it? I want to ask you I want you to ask yourself is that your ego trying to puff yourself up And I'm not suggesting that it is but I have noticed that that has happened for a lot of women that they feel some sort of Satisfaction if the man is feeling some regret and then they will reject the man if he comes back Now will a man come back if if they were in a relationship with someone and they regret it We're going to explore that in a moment. However, I think it's more important to explore Especially for those of us in midlife What causes most breakups what causes most breakups now? We have to differentiate between the three types of people who are actively dating There are the users the spenders and the growers now I know many of you and I roughly say the users are about 20 percent Spenders are 60 percent growers are 20 percent. I was about to say I know many of you covet You desire that man who's the grower and the builder. This is the man who definitely wants a significant relationship Now the users those men are the love bombers the players those people come on strong They're only in it for the sex Okay, that's probably about 20% of the population the real challenging population is what I call the spenders These there are men that want occasional companionship occasional connection occasional sex Without any real deep commitment. This is when women find themselves in situations like Situationships or casual relationships or friends with benefits. Yes, there's a significant percentage of men who find themselves in the gender category so No, this is a group of people where you might share the same values But and you might even be able to blend lives with one another The challenge is is this person in does he have the emotional capacity to be in a significant relationship? And that's something that's very challenging for those of us in midlife. Okay So I want to explore what causes the breakups to determine if it's if he's really gonna circle back and come back into this Relationship and for those that are in the spender categories The most significant thing that causes the spenders to end a relationship is that the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid He's got some sense of baggage or luggage in his life And he cannot see himself blending lives with you For those of us in midlife, this is for the over 40 45 category This has got to be one of the most significant Challenges in a relationship is that capacity to blend lives with one another By the way, it's getting all hot in here. So I want to turn on the air conditioning for one second. So bear with me Okay, thanks for bearing with me. I was getting rather hot in here So I want you to think about blending lives for a second because they're as I was about to say Most of us come with some level of baggage in our lives Okay, now that baggage couldn't include having a contentious relationship with an ex for some people Raising children might feel like either baggage to them or baggage to someone else. That's a significant one people that have health issues for those of us in midlife that are in the Over 50 category. This is when our physical ailments start to creep in What if he's got some issues in his professional life? Maybe you have some issues in your professional life This is where blending lives becomes a real challenge for so many people who are actively in the dating marketplace And it's one of the primary reasons what causes Relationships to end is there there's an inability to blend your lives together So I think it's really important that when you're in the early stages of dating that you do a much better job of bedding for compatibility This is what I teach in my private coaching. It's called radical honesty Prequalifying your prospect and if you need some support with that check out the link below to a free discovery call with me or go to coaching Jonathan as like coaching comm. This is where I can help you determine. Is this person emotionally mature enough to be in relationship? Do they have the skills to be in relationship? Are your lifestyles compatible with one another? I would say well over a third of the calls I get for coaching are women Wanting me to evaluate the relationship to determine is this a relationship where we can blend lives together See, I think many of you women have adopted the fantasy Well, if we love each other everything will magically work out because if I just sit in my feminine energy, he'll come and claim me Ladies you can sit back in your feminine energy all day long But if you're with a user or spender, it doesn't matter. He's he may come back He may regret losing you. He may come back But can he establish a real significant relationship with you? That remains to be seen with those men who are the users and the spenders So I want to spend a few minutes talking about if a grower will come back So what causes a grower to end a relationship? Um sometimes when two people are angry and then they're they're in the heat of the moment Sometimes men will end a relationship because there's a real aggravation going on But that usually if it's the heat of the moment type of ending that guy usually is going to circle back rather quickly That's the usual case Now for those two people that had a deeper connection And let me be clear when I say deeper connection Because many of you are swimming in the fantasy of what I've observed as cyber relationships cyber relationships many of you are in a relationship with your smartphone Connecting to the other person and you're not physically spending the significant amount of time together to build trust and commitment How is trust and commitment built? It's through the integration of each other's lives its social activities its hobbies its mutual interests It's spending time with family and friends and by the way The reason why I repeat myself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again And my videos is so this sinks in Because many of you as I said before have adopted the fantasy that lust or limerence equals love and that's not the case So if two people have established a deep connection Fear can oftentimes cause a man to break up with you and in a moment of Anger people will end a relationship or in the moment of fear And that moment of fear Oftentimes it's a fear of possibly disappointing you letting you down And if that's the case he might end a relationship only to circle back Now according to john gray, he calls this the rubber band effect And the run verb of in the rubber band effect. It's usually within the first six weeks to 12 weeks of a breakup He will circle back to the relationship The real question I invite you to ask for yourself is what are you going to do if a man does circle back After ending a relationship if he does want you back What are you going to do differently? What are you going to require of this person to consider taking him back? now Let's ponder that for a second. I really want you to think about that for a second what do you need to feel safe and secure because These days a lot of guys end a relationship and they'll say things like can we just be friends Can we just remain friends and what that means is I want you in my orbit? I want you in my life I want to be able to reach out at my beck and call to have sex with you But I am not going to give you any of emotional investment or any true commitment ever in my life That's most likely the case when someone wants to keep you in their orbit as friends. So let me ask you something Do you really need to collect new friends in your life? And if this person I mean, listen, there are some significant cases where two people end a relationship And it was but they weren't right for each other, but they've developed a sense of family to one another They've developed a sense of family And that's okay if they remain in each other's lives. I don't see anything wrong with that But for those that are end a relationship and they're immediately on the dating apps That's a person that's probably doesn't have the emotional maturity He didn't have the emotional maturity in the relationship and it's bleeding out because he needs that fix as soon as the relationship ends So I came I wanted to say what are you going to do When someone ends a relationship and they circle back, what are you going to do? What are you going to do differently if this happens? What do you what type of agreements do you want to establish with this person? Before you consider taking them back because a lot of couples go back and forth back and forth back and forth And it doesn't matter if he regrets you it doesn't matter if he comes back What you have to establish are the rules of engagement. You have to establish What are we really doing here and how are we going to commit to one another? You know, the sad thing is I was just having a conversation with a gentleman today He's in a relationship 60 years old and we're talking about a group of other 60 year old men They're all in significant relationships. They live with their partner Now some of them have lived with their partners for six years At least they and this person is living with his partner as well at least they made the commitment to live with one another That's a pretty big commitment, especially if two people put each other's lives in a different way And especially if two people put each other on the lease, that's a real big commitment What commitment are you going to need for yourself to accept a person back? And you all can only answer that for yourself But I think one of the real issues we're plagued today in the dating marketplace is the the benefits of marriage seem to be You know skewed because of divorce and I think there's a lot of Emotional baggage for so many people They're so reluctant to get remarried and yet the the institute of marriage was something to actually covet And yet so many people are afraid because in some cases they're not able to blend lives together In some cases they don't share the same values with one another or they don't have the emotional maturity Handle to handle conflicts and differences with ease so they can establish a long Term loving relationship. This is what we're plagued with. These are some of the questions. I invite you to ask yourself What do you really want? What do you really want? You want a partnership and what does partnership look like Is it living together? Is it getting married? And if this is the case then what are you going to establish in the early stages to determine if you're a fit with one another These are the questions I invite you to ask yourself because the reality is is do men regret losing a good woman Who cares if he regrets it and who cares if he comes back you want to find yourself in a position where you don't even have to Be asking yourself these questions How do you build a healthy happy relationship? Those are the types of things I invite you to start asking for yourself And by the way, I've got a plethora of books listed in below. It's under jonathan recommended books And the show notes here By the way, I give you so many resources that can change your life And that's what I invite you to do for yourself Is to get a better handling of who you are and who is really right for you Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts All right, if you found value in this before I take the q&a Please give me a thumbs up. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and again in the show notes are all the links to schedule a discovery call with me And everything else under the sun So if you have a question for me, write the word question then post the question thereafter Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All of the money's from the super sticker super chat It's the little dollar sign the chat box goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there the little guy right there That's my son who passed away almost five years ago and his honor we donate to a variety of different causes So if you uh donate tonight, if you find value in what I've shared, please donate By either hitting the super sticker super chats or super. Thanks if you're watching the replay One of our loyal members here leaf goes right on jonathan. Well, thank you so much leaf goes on to also say I used to say It's better to be alone and content than to be with someone and alone used and abused that includes emotionally mentally spiritually financially physically yes Have your standards I'm in a full agreement Let's see. What else we've got here Ah Do we have any questions? Melissa let's see I see something bear with me everyone. I'm trying okay This question is for me. Okay. I love him and want him back It's only been of a couple of weeks. He texted me on mother's day We broke up because his dad's help has gotten worse than has become difficult Okay, something I didn't address earlier, but I want to address now if two people had a a Deep connection for one with one another then I would invite a deeper conversation As to what was the real reason for the ending this person said his father's health got worse. Okay But guess what when two people are teamed with one another it's not him You know dealing with that on his own that's something you do together So I invite a conversation with him if two people deeply cared for one another I invite that conversation To determine what can we do to make this relationship work? What are we doing to what building blocks? Do we need to establish to create deeper commitment and trust with one other folks Many of you listen most guys are winging it and many of you are blind You're walking around blind making assumptions that if we love each other, it'll magically work out No, it is through conscious intentional conversations that you make a relationship work out so um You know, so he texted you how about getting together and talking and establishing Maybe there's still there this relationship is salvageable. What are we going to do to build? A conscious relationship with one another those are some questions I invite you to ask yourself All right. Thanks so much for that All right, let's keep going Uh Let's keep going I keep seeing Uh Sharon says melissa you are more important put yourself first way to go. Okay, then gal jumped in question I found out my guy had dinner with his ex and didn't tell me he knows i'm insecure That they are friends any tips. Okay So is your insecurity because you have trust issues from your past or Does this relationship has this relationship not built enough trust? For you to feel okay him being with an ex now. Let me just share with everybody I'm gonna I saw my ex recently. Uh, we had to deal with something related to my son Actually, my ex has met my My sweetheart. There's a picture of marie right behind me That's my ex-wife actually my ex-girlfriend. It's like my ex-wife is like family to me Even my ex-girlfriend my significant relationship after my divorce. She's like a big sister to me She's like family and we're in each other's lives now. Thankfully my sweetheart doesn't have previous trust issues But and if she did have previous trust issues and The thing is have I done anything to create mistrust? So zen gal the real question is has he created anything between the two of you? That might suggest he is not trustworthy because It's not about him seeing an ex. It's about the two of you establishing trust. So if you need some help with that Chapter one in the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman dives into All about trust and commitment and this is a great outline To establish how two people can genuinely trust one another and be in a safe space now If you have trust issues that I highly recommend reading my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work in an outlined Areas where you can get some help When you love yourself Your trust issues can can start to fade away If you come to the table with trust issues because it's not about him meeting his ex It's about the two of you establishing trust in the relationship But also letting go of any fears because if you bring those fears into the relationship It's going to create havoc within the relationship. Is this making sense folks? I hope it is All right, thanks so much for that question. Hey, I want to give john row a big shout out Thanks so much for the ten dollar super sticker Jonathan, how was your dating advice changed you since you started dating marie? Okay, that's a great question You know my overall advice prior to meeting her is pretty substantial in this relationship Okay, so I want to say my overall advice is pretty much similar to what I said before I met her I think what I've observed by being in this significant relationship is that midlife relationships are so vastly different Than those relationships when we're in our 20s and 30s. We're dealing with a lot more stuff We're dealing with emotional baggage from our past relationships. We're dealing with the physical ailments of aging And the challenge of blending lives When two people come to the table with full or rich lives so i'm recognizing that Even though I kind of had a fantasy of how this may have been The reality is is midlife relationships are very complicated and it's and the thing Oh, I think the thing I notice most. That's a great question john Was I didn't realize that I think I had my own fantasy that when you met the right person everything would be easy And what I realized is my childhood wounds and traumas As much as I did work prior to with the hoffman process and inside institute And 3 000 hours of coaching, you know therapy and that sort of thing over the years Your stuff comes up when you're in relationship your your default stuff I'm an anxious I have an anxious love attachment style So which was a result of my mother who would abandon us in the family emotionally and it created a ton of anxiety for me Now I'm in a fairly secure relationship. So I'm very grateful for that But it's boy our shit really by the way The next evolution when you've done a lot of work on yourself The next evolution is doing that work with a partner and I didn't realize How much work I was going to have to do to regulate my emotions because I have a capacity to go into tremendous amount of fear Now you would think oh, why didn't you heal that in a hoffman? Well, believe me I'm able to regulate my emotions a thousand times better than I used to but even that little shift of fear Can set me in a spin and the loops that go on my head The only difference is I don't allow it to affect our relationship And I have a partner where we both talk about our fears on a regular basis And we're able to work them out and navigate them together. So John, I hope I answered your question. I really appreciate the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much for that question uh Mary says I find all your information worth listening to I've learned a lot since listening to your channel Thank you for your insight. I appreciate big hugs to you. Mary. Thank you so much All right, Catherine writes a question Is a 51 year old man falling over and hurting himself from having too much to drink a red flag When dating profile said he never drinks. We've been on two dates Okay, red flag folks Let's differentiate between a red flag and a deal breaker a deal breaker says no So I think your question is is this a deal breaker because a red flag would merely mean be curious and ask more questions now It's kind of funny. Marie and I were talking about our first date. By the way, we had our one year anniversary of our first date Just three days ago And believe it or not. I I drank I had I think three or four drinks that night. We were together We were together seven hours that evening And I was just in one of those social kind of having a good time libation kind of feelings But that's the most I've ever drank in the last year I'm usually a tea toddler at the max two rarely do I ever have three drinks? Okay, sometimes when you're having a good time with someone you might Need liquid courage and I think that's what was happening to me I was needing liquid courage Okay, so with that said is it a red flag? It might I don't think it should be a deal breaker I would just be observant the next few times you're together And if you see a pattern then you again, you might want to ask questions. What happened to him that evening And see his response just recognize that humans oftentimes lie to themselves So he might not lie to you, but he might lie to himself So in this particular case, this is one where you have to observe his actions over time To see if he act and by the way try to get a sense of his past relationships What happened in his past relationships to get a sense of where he's at today? That would be my invitation for you Catherine. So thank you so much for that question Uh, again, if you have a question write the word question post thereafter I'm going to see Sylvia says what is the verdict for middle-aged woman who is in visibly invisibly ill With will a decent man love her for who she is and want a long-term relationship leading the marriage if she's intelligent and attractive This is always a difficult question for those that have those silent diseases What I mean to say diseases or ailments or illnesses or that sort of thing. So, um When two people have established familiarity and trust with one another humans can be a lot more lenient I don't like the word lenient, but um more Compassionate when you know someone versus a total stranger So the question is do you do you ship now if it's material to the relationship in other words if your Illness is material to the relationship. Let's take hepatitis. Okay. Let's take AIDS. Okay. That's material to a relationship I think that's something that should be discussed sooner rather than later If it's something like in the case of Marie. She has what's known as benign tremors She shakes a little bit. It's a it's a hereditary thing Now in all fairness, it's something that showed up on our first date So I asked her about it and I did my own research on it and found out that this wouldn't dramatically affect our relationship This is a tricky one. You know, this is one where when do you share? You know, I don't think you have to share it on a first second or third date But if it's something that could affect the relationship Then I would do it before two people get very attached to one another That's the scary part and this is where You know, I'd prefer that two friends develop a relationship who know I'd rather you date someone who knew what you have and then that's already going into it That would be the ideal situation. Um, it's so hard to say in these cases. Um You know what I would do I would pray on this Ask god universe spirit What does what does your higher self ask you to do? And then follow your intuition there. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for that Sylvia Um, sander goes on and out Jonathan why don't men want to talk more? They seem to be afraid to sit down and have a conversation communication doesn't mean something negative I think a lot of men fear having deeper conversations because they don't have the emotional IQ To some degree That's just some men. Um, I suspect some men have been deeply hurt or wounded in their past So they prefer surface relationships. They don't prefer relationships that go deeper To me sandra I I'm here to encourage people that have that if they want to build intimacy Then it requires going deeper in the surf and if someone isn't capable of doing that Then I'd probably move on but that's just me you have to do what's right for you. Okay All right, thanks so much for that question Um, let's keep going here Evelyn rights question Had a second date with a guy. I Oh, I got a little drunk and instead of driving home. He offered to have me sleep over on his sofa I'm so embarrassed. We had a great date met his friends. What do I do? Nothing. I mean you've apologized. I get the sense that you probably apologize for your behavior. Um The question is since it sounds like the two of you didn't sleep together Does he want to see you again if the if he says yes, do you want to see him again? That's really what if what the first three or four dates are all do I like this person enough to want to get to know them? My first date is do I like enough to have a second date? A second date is do I like them enough to have a third date? If I have a third date, do I like this person enough to want to get to know them deeper? Because once you've started investing four or five dates with someone this has the makings of a relationship So yes, it's embarrassing. You can express how embarrassed you are and it can be something cute You'll talk about years down the road. That's my two cents on that Evelyn. Thank you so much Question Do you think a 20 year age gap 28 to 49 is possible to succeed? Yes, anything is possible. However, the challenge you have with a young man who's 28 dating a 49 year old woman Is that he has a built-in exit clause. He can always say it anytime in the future I've decided to want to have children with someone and I want to go make babies with someone else That's the challenge that you have when you date with someone that's significantly younger Why would a 28 year old man date a 49 year old woman? Oh, fuck if I could go back in time I would do that in a heartbeat Well, probably a little younger than that. Why because 49 year old women are Fantastic-looking 49 year old woman loves sex and 49 year old women. You don't have to worry about getting them pregnant If I was in my early mid 20s, I would be dating nothing but 40 year 49 year old women Because because you have the built-in exit clause Sadly a lot of younger men use women because they get the benefit of great sex. Don't have to worry about Getting pregnant and their women are usually more more emotionally mature and they're not attached to getting married Those are just some things off the top of my head. By the way, I did a video on this You can google it younger men dating older women. So check that out Um Kim Ann says thanks, jonathan. You've helped me so much. I'm 60 but still have a lot to learn I'm happy to be of service zen gal wants to say Thank you for all your insights jonathan. I appreciate that All right, let's keep going dissonant Question can I trade red flags with them like I miss reading neutral statements for hostile For miss reading wait miss reading neutral statements as flirting in interpersonal influence dissonant I don't understand the question that you're asking me. So I'm going to keep going. I don't understand the question Uh question. Can you have a connection without sex? Of course you can have a connection without sex The question is can you have a romantic relationship without sex? You know two people by the way, I know a lot of married couples that aren't having sex and they're they're Happily married to one another probably Unhappily in the sex part, but um, yes, of course two people can That that goes without saying so Uh Sharon says an illness can't be seen visibly that is true. So what is what is an invisible illness? I think it's things like uh, what we talked about previously Maybe someone has lupus or ms or has Hepatitis that isn't something that's outwardly visible like somebody who's in a wheelchair walking with a cane I think that's and again, these are really tricky question. These are really tricky areas to um to navigate Um, I would also speak to a therapist too I'm I'm sharing this because this isn't necessarily my area of expertise. I mean I I I'll be blunt You know, I had I had some slight reservations with marie because I thought maybe her illness was worse And then I started to realize you know, I'm at an age where you know I have hypertension and I take medication and so who am I to judge? Someone who has an illness when I you know, who knows something that happened to me You know tomorrow That's why each day we have to take as a gift But not everybody can handle I don't want to say handle but navigate with compassion someone else's um illness until real trust is built and trust is an is a is a Is a complicated thing to build with two people So anyway, I really don't have an answer for that, but I hope I gave some insights in the way I view it So thank you so much Catherine writes how to manage the fatigue of online dating. I met so many men in person Feeling I'm struggling to find a partner in my wasting time connecting on an app. Oh, I love this question Catherine Let me be clear Online dating has bastard eyes the way we meet people Like oh, let me backtrack Dating apps have bastard eyes When we started to shift to a swipe environment a swipe environment It is bastard eyes the meeting process at least when online dating first came out where you use your laptop your desktop You'd write emails to one another, you know that had some more Sophistication than the swipe way of meeting and the problem with swipe dating It's created commodities out of people and it's created a false sense Of of intimacy and worse. It's created this this uh, this You know, you you're just a swipe away from somebody else and this belief that you know There's just someone else out there and there's this eventual paradox of choice By the way, can someone type in this uh in the chat box? paradise paradox of choice Ted talk Paradox of choice ted talks now. Now. This isn't related to dating apps, but it can be applied to dating apps dating apps paradox of choice ted talk folks I highly recommend you watch that because that is what we're faced with with dating apps. So You know, marina. I met through a dating app. So or dating site So i'm not you know, I can't poo who it but and and given that 40 to 60 of all new relations are happening through an online connection We can't discount This is where my coaching comes in my coaching is designed to teach you how to pick better Because when you're when you're swimming in a sea of options The real question is how to choose better and that's what I teach in my coaching and you by the way schedule a discovery call with me all right Thanks so much for that question kathryn um timmy says, um Timmy says why do podcasts talk about high value man is okay to cheat? Okay What she's talking about everyone is this belief that a high value man who earns a lot of money And there's an assumption of character has the right to sleep with whomever he wants. This is very much the henry v8 type of narrative henry v8 was the king of england and he could sleep with any woman He wants did you watch the tv show tutors or the series the tutors, okay? A high value man Is loaded with character and a high value man who has character and has made an agreement with someone would never Fucking cheat on someone If you've made it if you're a high value man, which means you have high character And you've made an agreement with someone to be monogamous. You're a fucking asshole if you cheat Now with these high value alpha males out there in the in the youtube world These are just a bunch of fucking assholes who make a lot of money Who think they have the right to treat women like fucking shit and I oh man I'm on a rant right now. I'm sorry I went I literally went on pro I literally am so fucking upset with these alpha male coaches out there giving permission for men to be assholes to women That is not high value high value means high character and more importantly High conscientiousness And a conscientious person wouldn't cheat on someone now Does that mean two people can't have an agreement? He makes a lot of money and he says he wants to sleep with someone look at bill gates did it Look where that got him at the end of the day Um, but I'm I'm really disgusted by that narrative So, um, I forgot who brought that up, but that's just my two cents on that tim. I think uh, but thanks for bringing it up Okay, dissonant has that question again Say I get too easily offended over nothing But he always sees me as flirting when I'm just being nice So he so can we cause each other to read cues differently from our interactions? You know if he sees you being nice to someone as flirting Then my suspicion is the two of you do not have strong trust built in your relationship Look at My sweetheart and I you know We have a tremendous amount of trust between the two of us and we jokingly talk about someone We might see on television that we find is attractive or even if I'm out in public and I'm socializing with people I'm nice and that might seem like flirting But there's a lot of trust built between the two of us. So when two people have trust It's not going to be an issue The reason why this is an issue is because the two of you haven't built strong trust with one another and I don't mean Just fidelity trust is Does this person have my best interest at heart? And if they do at least we have conversations about what's happening so we can alleviate the misinterpretations So coming back to your question what my suspicion is the two of you lack deep trust with one another Okay Let's keep going Ah Oh rebecca says to timma That's a cop out all men are not cheaters. He ain't serious. That's another way of looking at it Oh Leaf wants to go amen and jonathan. Thank you so much Uh-huh. Thank yourself jonathan says you're hilarious. Thank you so much uh All right, let's keep going Demo says, okay. Thank you. You're saying I'm amazing. I appreciate that Uh zen gal says thank you for looking out for us. You're very welcome Dog lover says thank you for caring for us. You know folks. I am so fed up with the red pill narrative That is blaming feminism for the problem of relationships And while they're you know, there's a lot of truth to and there's there can be a kernel of truth to anything that's said But it's also twisting these kernels of truth and making them as absolutes now What I will say is a lot of dating advice The reason why I have my channel is my channel is all based on The human behavior that therapists would deal with my hope is that Talking to me would be if a therapist could tell you what they you needed to hear. That's what I am That's what I'd like to think I am more importantly A therapist will tell you ladies like the title of this video do men regret look losing a good woman Who gives a fuck what the guy thinks? Okay Who cares if he comes back what you should be really caring about is why do I care? If he regrets losing me Why do I care? That's the question you should be asking yourself because if someone ends a relationship if it wasn't right for him It wasn't right for you either So if you're pining for someone and look I get we can be very attached to someone But the end of the day If someone doesn't want you That's then you know, then that's good for you too So anyway, I'm just ranting there. I hope I answered you. All right. There was no question there Oh, rebecca goes on to say eight dates is a great book. Oops. I had it all right I'm only going to take a few more questions I'm dating someone who deleted his online profiles I asked him why and he said because it's taking too much time from working kids Is this a sign he doesn't have time for me? Well, okay, let's define dating Dating is a process of getting to know someone to explore a relationship with them. That's what dating is It's a process of getting to know someone to explore a relationship If his penis gets to go inside your vagina If you're not boyfriend and girlfriend at this point, that's a problem Okay Foot ladies stop giving sex to someone who isn't your boyfriend Stop having sex with someone now if you're just merely in the early stage of dating Look it. I remember when Marie and I met I was like boy, I like her so much I got to get off all these apps because it's so fucking distracting So but that's a good thing if a guy wants to get off the apps um you know Because he said it's taking too much time from his work or kids now. That's the problem. I have with it Now if it's taking that much time away and he's still dating you That to me there's a problem with that statement. I don't know why that bugs me But that means some men are dating women, but they still need that fix Because the real the real the better answer would have been I just don't have the time to invest in this because I have our relationship to invest in That's just my two cents on that one Kristen. So thank you so much for that question Because Sandra says f-bombs were warranted. Yeah, I feel like it was Uh, jonathan, I'm so happy you found love again. That's not a question, but thank you so much for sharing that Okay, dominia Why do so many men think that being with an Ethically non monogamous is actually being ethically and okay And respectful towards women Why do you care? Okay, if somebody has uh, if if some men and by the way look it Can we just be real about men? men like sex Men like sex with lots of women. It's one of our fucked up parts of our dna. It's just true We fantasize about other women ladies. You probably do To regarding men. Okay. Now if someone openly admits he's non monogamous. Okay He does not want to be monogamous. Then why do you care? That's his choice. He's allowed to have his choice dominia He's allowed to have his choice A lot of men want that Doesn't mean that's the right man for you. Remember I said only about 20 of the male population today in the dating marketplace Are really truly potential partners now. I get it. You're stuck with that 80 out there And you have to sift through the weeds. That's where folks look at there's a link right there jonathan asley.com forward slash coaching I mean I get calls from clients every week jonathan. I met a great guy jonathan I met a great guy jonathan. I met a great guy and they know the difference They're actually dating more high quality men because they're changing folks What's the definition of insanity doing the same things over and over again expecting different results? So work with someone like me to listen it's worth the investment you literally within one year can attract a great guy Into your life, but you have to make the choice to do things differently Like not caring about whether or not he wants non monogamy. All right. That's my rant Ah Jersey jessie this question. I have a proper. I have a proper with no over Explain and too much text too much. What is your best suggestion when texting when dating? I'm not exactly under your standing your question, but my my suspicion is um I think a good amount of texting. Okay first off Texting in my opinion texting should be used as a not as a form of communication in the sense of a conversation Texting should just be used for things like what time are you going to pick me up? Where to pick me up? This is where I live that sort of thing now in the early stages It feels safer to text with one another because there's a little bit of anonymity and a little bit of Pause and when I mean that it gives you time to think about what you want to say So I can see the benefits of that but once listen Marie and I maybe we flirt with each other now with the text message Well, we live together so it doesn't matter, but we once we began a relationship together We stopped communicating via text and made sure it was over the telephone or in person So that's my two cents on texting All right. Thanks so much Oh dissonant goes on to say response ha so more face-to-face time and Open honest communication, which means vulnerability. I'll see if he's open to that if not I'll move on way to go all right This might be the last one for our question This is kind of old news, but curious if you have an opinion on Like Derek Jackson who seems to be a love guru only to turn out to cheat on his wife many times. Do you have thoughts? I know very little about Derek Jackson So Can we remove the advice from the person? Can we remove the advice of the person? You know, I think if the here's the thing about advice it has to resonate with you So if his advice resonates with you like okay, for example ladies I was an unconscious husband and I was a train wreck after my divorce. Okay. That's my experience I was an unconscious husband and a train wreck after my divorce So where a lot of my coaching comes from is the recognition of how a man could be unconscious in a marriage Even though there were vows and everything. I was really too immature Too self-centric at that point in my life and I'm not proud of that I've done a lot of therapy over that period of time in my life And then I lost my quarter million dollar a year job and I was a train wreck for another You know six to seven years after that So I feel like because of what I went through I can speak to all the men who are going through similar situations Okay, so do we separate the man from the experience? I was a I've been a listen I've been a jackass to women. I'm not proud of it There have been some women who I've been honest with but they were living in a fantasy and I knew that and I Somewhat took advantage of them. Well, I can't say I took advantage of them I was honest with them just because they weren't honest with themselves. Did that take my to do am I responsible for that? Probably because I know better, but I'm also a human being that's frailed and flawed so the reality is is Derek's flawed human being just like I'm a flawed human being But the question is does it his advice resonate with you? That's what I invite you to explore Is that making sense? Love dreaming. I hope it does. So thank you so much for that question Jennifer goes on to say I love your rams. Thank you so much Wow, we had a lot tonight Wait, this is a follow-up to Derek spice advice was amazing But I feel like it's because he's doing the doggie stuff and he knew exactly what cheating guys do To some degree that is probably he spoke from his own perspective Does it so again? You know, I don't believe in canceling good people and what I mean to say is Good people make mistakes. Good people are hurting on the inside. Does that make them not worthy? I don't know I invite you to ask that for yourself, but I'd like to hold a lot of compassion for people at the same time All right, folks. I'm gonna run out to go see my sweetheart She'll be on hopefully tomorrow So hey, if you found value in what I shared, please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you like this content, please like this video Please share this with your friends Please check out the links below the schedule of discovery call with me join my group join my membership all that good stuff And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank out burnout adventures and alaina and love dreaming and andrea leaf who's in the house sparkle Rebecca sherry lin jane Lorenzo lissette, uh, mary Jersey-ness everyone. Thank you margaret. Thanks so much. Have a great evening. Bye now