 Does anyone know this song? Hope you do. Friday, I'm in love. Does anyone know that song? Hey, welcome to, I think this is my third live. If anyone is on, please post a comment. Okay, good. I'm rooting for, thank you so much. I can't read it yet, so, but thank you so much for being on. We're gonna talk about the five things high quality men secretly crave. All right, if this is your new, you're new to my YouTube channel, please after this video, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell, so you can be notified of new content. And also, if this content resonates with you and you feel like you want some additional support, then check out my links to a free discovery call with me, check out my VIP group, and certainly check out my podcast called the What Would Love Do podcast. So, let's just jump right into those five things that men secretly crave, and then we're gonna take your question. So, this is an absolute Q and A. I'm gonna put my glasses on after I share these with you. So, for those that don't wanna listen to a long drawn out video, when the replay is done, I'm gonna get to the quick, and then we're gonna answer your question. So, Agent, thanks for being online. Okay, so, the five things men secretly crave, high quality men. So, now, let me differentiate between high quality men and the average guy. Now, I've said this before, I'm gonna say it again, I'm not a big proponent of labeling people, high quality, low quality, losers, jerks, players, all that kind of stuff. I mean, I'm not a big fan of that because that is oftentimes a judgment, and I think we'd be better served if we don't judge people. So, now, that's not to suggest that we don't recognize bad behavior in people, and certainly set boundaries. I'm a big proponent of setting your standards early in the relationship, and setting boundaries in relationship. And if you're not familiar with Brene Brown's work, I highly recommend you checking out her work, Google Brene Brown. She wrote a great book called Daring Greatly, Daring Greatly. By the way, it's in my recommended link, so check out the link below. This is a great book, but what I like about Brene Brown is she talks about boundaries, what's okay and what's not okay for me. And if we also piggyback on, the other side of boundaries is our standards. And this is why I'm such a big proponent of women establishing their standards early in the relationship. And by the way, I'm gonna get to those five things men crave in a second. And ladies, I know a lot of times you're afraid to share your standards, you're afraid to step into and say, hey, this is how I feel and this is what I want, because you're afraid he's gonna run away, he's gonna run away, he's gonna get scared. Look it, bottom line is this. If, and by the way, any of you who have read my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? Chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. And later on in the book, it says, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. So why is those so critically important to know? Is that ladies, setting your standards is something you do very early on, either prior to having sex or shortly after having sex. And don't be afraid to speak your truth. If he runs away, he's not your guy. And that's okay, that's okay. All right, so the five things men see, okay, going back to high quality, I'm gonna get to those five things. What I mean by high quality is what I'm really talking about is the difference between emotionally mature men and emotionally stunted, stifled, unavailable men, okay? Stunted, stifled, you know, all this stuff. And emotional maturity, if you haven't watched my video on emotional maturity, please Google it. I even did a podcast on the five signs to emotional maturity. I'll probably talk to about it a little bit later here in this live. But let me just say this about emotional maturity. Ladies, since there's a small percentage of men with emotional maturity, ladies, you are also equally emotionally immature. I mean, for every man that's emotionally mature, there's one woman emotionally mature. For every emotionally stunted woman, for every unavailable, excuse me, stunted man, unavailable man, weak in being able to express his emotions. There's a woman that's the same. Ladies, you oftentimes think you're so emotionally more mature than men, but as a man who's single out in the dating room, I'm witnessing it for the last decade. Although in the last decade, I was in a significant relationship after my divorce. So let me just be clear. I've been married before and I've had a significant relationship before. I'm no novice to commitment. I know how to commit. It's how do you commit to someone who's aligned to who you are and what you want? So going back to high quality really just means emotional maturity. By the way, the mug today for my cold coffee is I make the world go around. What do you do? If you like my mug, please post a comment. All right, so here's the thing. Men and women are attracted to same thing. Confidence, certainty, bravado, charm, all attracted to that men and women alike. And so what I'm about to share on some level is exactly what you're attracted to and meant. But since I've titled, since I work with women, let's just lean into this. So number one, men are attracted to radiance, radiance. They crave radiance. Now, what is radiance? That's the woman who's smiling in her pictures. That's the woman who's energetically happy. She's not a sour push. She's not a downer. She's not criticizing. She has a radiance about her. Think of some famous actress that you appreciate. Most likely she demonstrates a level of radiance. Now, let me backtrack. Maybe a woman you respect versus appreciate because many of you might like an actor or an actress, but I'm really leaning into those people that really are genuinely put out an energy of joy, an energy of happiness, an energy of inviting. There's not the walls up. I can tell you, as a single man, I've gone on dates with women and I've literally sat across the table, back when we used to be able to sit at the table and have a drink or dinner with someone. And I could literally feel the armor that she was wearing. You could literally see every man that's ever hurt her standing behind her on the date. And she lacked no radiance and that is not a very attractive trait. So radiance is something that we're hugely attracted to and let's face it, ladies, you're attracted to it as well. Until someone taught me how to smile in photographs, my energy didn't come out in my photographs. Now my energy is bright. It's brimming and this is even after the loss of a child. Most of you know me know I lost my 19 year old son, Connor, a couple years ago in an accident. Okay, let me bring it back before I lose it right now. Why I'm sharing that with you is even through this pain, my heart was beaming with love and I expressed it by recording podcasts, talking about grief and I recorded videos and I shared my experience from a place of radiance and not from a place of pain and suffering. So can we all agree? Number one, radiance. Many women are attracted to this alike. Number two, this is hugely important and I call it sovereignty, sovereignty. Now, if you're not familiar with the word, do me a favor, Google the word sovereignty and read about it. And if someone could on the chat do the same, sovereignty is basically your self-contained. You are self-contained within yourself, you're self-reliant, you have self-confidence, self-esteem, you are not an island in and of yourself, but you are contained. In other words, you don't need a man to love you for you to feel good about yourself. Take that in, you don't need a man to love you for you to feel good about yourself. We here in the United States are suckling, suckling. I mean, we're sucking on the nipple of I need you to love me for me to value myself. We are so desperate. This is why we see a propensity of people that take selfies, selfies, selfies, selfies, selfies. You know, it's like I have to show the world who I am. You know, I'm sorry, that's just a reflection of a lack of sovereignty in oneself, the incessant selfies. I'm not talking about the occasion. Like I occasionally take a selfie because no one's there to take a picture. But I'm at the gym and I'm watching someone literally take selfies of themselves the entire time. And I'm like, because you're going, I need attention. I need attention. Sovereignty says, I don't need attention to feel good about myself. Is this stinking in? If it is, please post a comment below. Okay, so number two with sovereignty, number three, variety, variety. We all need variety in our life. And by the way, if you're living through this pandemic, you can feel like you're in that hamster wheel of life. But ultimately relationships need variety. And I don't mean having multiple sex partners. I'm talking about continually mixing it up a little bit. That's why some couples do unique different date nights. And the point I'm making is it's being intentional. And ladies, you've been so conditioned to expect men to be the leaders of the relationship process. And I'm here to say, you're in charge of your relationship destiny. I not too long ago had a woman who totally took charge and said, hey, I'm gonna plan our first date. I was like, whoa, that was, and by the way, it caught me off guard. But I loved it. I loved because it was mixing things up. It was like, she was saying, hey, I like you. And by the way, this is a YouTube follower, like you guys. And I really appreciate that it was a change of pace. We've got to get out of this conditioning. We're so rooted in this old paradigm. There are a hundred different ways to be in attraction. There's a hundred different ways to create a relationship. It's not one size fit all. It's not leaning back. And that's just gonna make all your relationships worries go away. No, there's a variety of different things. And I'm just merely sharing one perspective. Is this making sense? By the way, someone said, yes, that was the cure that was on the song before. Okay, number four. And I said I would share this, emotional maturity, emotional maturity, that's highly attractive. And I'm gonna go through the signs of emotional maturity real quick. And that is your actions consistently match your words. In other words, it's gonna be difficult to be absolutely perfect with your words. And what I mean to say, hey, look, there's gonna be times where you've planned a date and it has to, it's gonna be canceled for one reason or another or something else comes up. But your actions are consistent. Your words are consistent with your actions. Your actions are consistent with your words. Number two. You take personal responsibility for your choices. As I said before, we're suckling on the nipple of victimhood here in the United States. Everybody's a victim, everybody's a victim. We're a victim of this, we're a victim of that. We take no personal responsibility. The empowered woman and man, the empowered woman and man, the emotionally mature man and woman takes personal responsibility for their choices. They operate in life in victor conscious. Check out those muscles. Victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. And I'm talking about consciousness and I'm not talking about actual being a victim of some crime or abuse or whatnot. But they're suckling on it because they need to be validated. Please tell me, I was a victim by this guy. He ghosted me and he was so mean because he ghosted me and I need everybody on Facebook and Twitter to tell me how wonderful I am so I can feel good about myself and I'm gonna throw him under the bus because he ghosted me and disappeared. He changed his mind. Oh my God, and guys are just as bad too. People, you humans stop being such victims. Number three in emotional maturity. You know how to do what's called fight fair. You know how to fight fair. Fighting fair means you listen to the other person's point of view. You accept the other person's point of view when you're having friction in relationship and there's a little bit of disagreement. You listen and accept each other's point of view. You can always agree to disagree but you're going to listen and accept. And number four, empathy, empathy. Empathy isn't I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I care about your feelings. I genuinely care about your feelings. Any emotionally mature person goes on a first date. It's not all about themselves. And I gotta tell you, ladies, you all think you're selfless. And I can tell you, I've gone on dates where it's all women, they focus on themselves. I'm not really genuinely caring about me on the date. I do my best. This is why when men, like when I pay for a date it's because I'm being generous. I'm being, I'm caring about your feelings. And I've had women be so, and I'm just telling you what I've experienced. I'm not saying this is true for you but just understand that emotional maturity is not, or empathy isn't just about you can feel your feelings, feel someone else's feelings. It's you genuinely care about someone else's feelings. And last but not least is transparency. Transparency and transparency. Listen, ladies, you all think you're transparent but one of your fears around speaking your truth, speaking your truth is not being transparent. If you wanna really connect with a guy, then be vulnerable, be authentic, be transparent, speak your truth, do it with kindness, my book. Remember that. And if a man is doing something that you don't appreciate, then speak up and share your feelings. If he runs away, good. Because the right guy isn't gonna run away. All right, and the fit, we're gonna take questions in just a second. I see a lot of questions here. I won't be able to get to the ones that have already been posted but get ready to post your question as soon as I give you the green light. But the fifth facet of what men crave, what high quality men crave. And these are actually two words. I'm lumping it into one but it's two words and that is respect and appreciation. Respect and appreciation. I can tell you I've talked to divorced men and one of their absolute disappointments in their marriage was they didn't feel appreciated and they didn't feel respected. And by the way, I suspect women feel the same way. But ultimately, if you want to have this kind of bond, you're gonna have to demonstrate respect and you're gonna have to be demonstrative with appreciation. Stop, ladies, stop holding back. Stop leaning back, lean into the relationship. Lean into the two lane street. The relationship isn't a two way street. It's a two lane street and the cars are driving at the same pace, roughly. So you make an investment, he makes an investment. He makes an investment, you make an investment. But if you're just leaning back while he's making all the investment, it's not gonna work in the long run. Maybe for those princess women who have trapped men on some psychological reason might it work. But ultimately, for those of us in midlife, it's a two lane street. That's what's gonna take you down the road, down the path of relationship. Is this sinking in? Please post a comment below. All right, we're now ready for questions. So if you post a question before, I didn't read it. You may want to cut and paste it, send it again. But for the next 40 minutes, we're gonna do a lot of Q and A. So let's just jump right in. I'm gonna put on my glasses. By the way, I just finally went to an optometrist and got legit, I'm getting legit glasses. Okay, Ivy writes, I love this quote, opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding, the highest form of knowledge is empathy. For it requires us to suspend our, I'm assuming, not disbeliefs. Ivy, I love that. Here's the thing going back to suckling on the nipple of victimhood. We're also sucking on the nipple of opinions. Oh my God, I did a post today on Facebook. Wasn't life better when you kept your opinions to yourself and to your close friends. Now everybody is vomiting their opinions on social media, on Twitter. And what's worse is the news is opinion oriented. And it's not news, it's just giving you your opinion and it's not coming from a place of unity. Our news lacks unity. It certainly does for the side that you root for. If you're on the side of the liberal, then there's liberal news that's gonna be rooting for that and the conservative, but it's not unity based news. So it's because it's opinion oriented. All right, thank you, I am amazing, well said, thank you. My favorite number is five, respect and appreciation, thanks. And I really didn't go into too much detail about it because I think it makes sense. Okay, I spoke what bothered me and he ran. We are not aligned. Jennifer, oh, hey, sweetheart. Yeah, that's gonna happen. You know, the wrong guy is gonna run when you speak your truth. Now, you have to be careful vomiting your truth, okay? It's kind of one of those things pick your battles, but when I mean you speak your truth to it with kindness, just recognize. If something doesn't feel good in the relationship, now here's the tricky part about something doesn't feel good. Sometimes feelings are very difficult to articulate because sometimes a feeling or a mood is not something you can put your, you can grasp onto. And so it's very difficult. This is why a lot of you are afraid to speak your truth. So one of the things you have to practice and lean into is where's the book, oh, you wanna get this book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Someone posted a comment, so Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, it should have been called Compassionate Communication. When you learn, hug this, I'm hugging this book. When you learn how to communicate from a compassionate place, the wrong guy is gonna run away and the right guy is gonna be a keeper. All right, that says, thanks for your truth and candor. Your insight and advice is appreciated. Was your prior book recommendation for self-healing the four agreements which has a workbook section? Okay, I love, by the way, I love the four agreements, do I have the four agreements here? No, I don't, it's over there. The four agreements is a great book because it's really a book of emotional maturity. It's literally like what I've just shared, my five signs of emotional maturity. So I highly recommend checking out the workbook like, was it Ivy? I can't remember who said it. Or Beth, excuse me. There's a workbook called The Four Agreements Workbook. Go online, check out the link to my, I believe it's in my Jonathan recommends. That's gonna take you straight to Amazon. Click the button and check out all the books I recommend. All right, I listened to the four agreements today on YouTube and I loved it. Yay, hi, I'm amazing. I'm gonna go back to see some of the other comments. Ego, Ivy says, ego and live in another world. It requires profound purpose, I don't, okay, thanks. Thanks. Okay, all right. So, all right. So I wanna lean into something I've shared recently and that is as I'm waiting for some more questions to pop up, is the understanding of this graph that I created, this graph I created. Now, 10, 10, 30, 30, 10, 10, okay? Really quickly, this side represents emotionally, okay, there's basically 20% of men and women who are absolute clinical, they've got issues. I mean, they might, I don't even wanna name them. I mean, whether we talk about narcissism, sociopaths, people with real clinical issues and 10% of them are in relationship with someone and it's miserable. And then there's 10% who are not in relationship. Then there's another 30% of people who have issues that are maybe in relationship or not in relationship but they've got issues and they make terrible partners because they're not emotionally mature. Now, as you get to this side, we have the emotionally mature people and there's 10% of emotionally mature people who are in relationship and 10% who are not in relationship. Now, I've often thought I'm in this category but I think I'm right on the dotted line because I still got fears around commitment. A lot of it is since my son passed away, I'm still in mourning. So it puts me right on the dotted line. I mean, I think I'm emotionally mature but can I be in a fully committed relationship? I'm a little bit scared too. So I'm right on the dotted line but then there's this bracket and why I'm sharing this with you, these are men who are building on emotional maturity. These are women building on emotional maturity. It's better to choose people in this half of the quadrant except for that 10% is already in relationship but here's the challenge. Most of you don't know how to vet for these kind of men. Let me tell you, this is what my private coaching is all about. I work with women day in, day out to teach them how to vet for emotionally mature men. If you're interested in learning how to do that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me. That's my area of expertise to teach you how to vet for emotionally mature men. So I share that graph with you. All right, let's see. Okay, XTN, oh, XTN writes, I made music video based on my experiences with my ex and showed it to him in person. What does it go through a man's mind when, although emotionally unavailable, he still checks up on you sometimes. Okay, so why does a man, maybe you're not in relationship with somebody but he continually goes on your page and checks you out and is curious. So it's interesting. I dated a woman, it's going back 12 years ago. No, 14 years, oh my God, it's been 14 years. 14 years ago. And we had kind of a, not a good, we didn't have a good breakup. It wasn't a good one. I mean, it wasn't a conscious uncoupling. It wasn't a bad breakup, but it wasn't a good one. But to this still day, I still go on to her Facebook page. She's very successful. I look to see what's going on. I'm curious because human beings are territorial. Once we've had sex with someone, it sometimes feels like they're our property. I'm just, I'm not saying they are our property. I'm not suggesting that. It just might feel that way. We might feel territorial. We might have loved them a little bit and we still care about them. So there's a variety of reasons why someone might do it. But who gives a flat F if they're doing it? I promise myself I wasn't gonna curse on this video. Let's see what happens. What matters most is their actions. Are they pursuing a relationship with you or not? But the fact that they go back and look at your pictures mean yes, they liked you, but it doesn't mean they want a relation. Look, they're either pursuing a relationship with you or not. It's binary. And maybe they might fantasize about you. Maybe they go in the bedroom and whack one off thinking about you, but it doesn't mean they want a relationship with you. And women do this and men do this. So I'm just explaining the why. I hope that helps. Why do men usually want sex from women on a dating scene way before they want anything else? Well, I'm amazing. I mean, it's a great question. Why do men pursue sex? Look, I'm an emotionally mature guy and I want to get laid. We're biologically wired that way. Now, I vaguely remember Dr. Pat Allen. I used to go to her workshops in Los Angeles. And she once said, was it her that said this? No, actually now I think about it, I heard this elsewhere. Men fall in love through sex and women give sex to fall in love. Or, so sex is a highly bonding experience. Let's face it, it's euphoric. It's literally like being me up to the mothership. It's like being in soul energy. So sex, I mean, yes, we are driven biologically for sex, but also when we're really entwined with someone, when we care about them, when we don't care about them, all we're doing is seeking ejaculation. But when someone genuinely cares about you, there's a spiritual experience through sex. So why do we want it? For a variety of different reasons. We want to ejaculate just like you want an orgasm. You want to feel good, you want to feel euphoria. It's very human to be that way and there's nothing wrong with being driven sexually. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Now, what can be the challenge is when you get attached to someone who may not be a good fit for you and sex can oftentimes bond women to men who are not really good for them. So this is why hire me for my private coaching so I can teach you how to vet for those men who are ready for a relationship. My favorite type of pie. Do you recommend 90 days and not having sex with them like Steve Harvey? Look it, I read Steve Harvey's book. For emotionally immature men, absolutely. Let me just tell you, you're never gonna go 90 days with emotionally immature men. Emotionally immature men are gone in the first three or four days, okay? How you know you're with emotionally mature man, you have sex with them and he's gone. That's an emotionally mature man. Now, I know lots of people who have had sex on the first date, second date, third date. They're happily married and have fantastic relationships. What you might want to do is vet over the phone for emotional maturity. And again, I teach you all this in my private coaching how to vet for emotional maturity. So then when you do get together, you can have wham, bam, thank you, man, sex. And you could have it even on the first date. It's okay, I'm not recommending it. I'm just saying there's no judgment either way on whether you do it or not, okay? Actions over words, yes. Men fall in love through sex, women find love through relationship. Yeah, I didn't write that. I just am quoting what I've heard. 90 days, hell, I'm 49. I don't have that kind of time, waiting. Oh, so going back to the 90 days, let me just say this, sex is actually part of our decision-making process for commitment. So I want you to think about this. It used to be, if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. You had to make the ultimate commitment. Now we don't have to make any commitment to have sex. But here's the thing. Sex is actually how we men bond with you as well. And it's part of our decision-making process to consider commitment. Now, this is the tricky part because there's different layers of commitment. There's different layers of commitment. Layer number one, monogamy exclusivity. That's the agreement. We're not gonna date anyone else and we're gonna be sexually exclusive. This could happen for a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eight, nine, 10, eight. Somewhere, like if you're not having sex within 10 dates, I'm gonna tell you something. It probably ain't gonna go anywhere. First, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th. Sex is part of the decision-making process. First layer. The next layer of commitment is the agreement that we're going to explore a relationship with one another. An agreement to explore a relationship with one another. The next layer of commitment, the agreement that we're going to explore whether or not we should be partners with one another. And this requires being intentional in the dating process. And ladies, you're leaving it up to the man. And men are effing clueless. They have no direction in relationship. This is why you are in charge of your relationship, Estnie. This is why I highly recommend reading the book Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman. This is the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. You have to learn what the mechanics are. And before the penis goes in the vagina, you vet the guy to see if he's really partnership worthy. That's how you avoid all the problems in the future by vetting in the beginning. Is this making sense? And it's not, you know, a dating should just be fun. Let's just have fun. It's all about having fun. Let's just have a good time. Let's just not focus about the future. Let's just have fun. You know what? The reality today is the average person is gonna have somewhere between 10 and 50 sexual partners. And they're most likely gonna have up to six or more relationships that are gonna be much greater than 90 days. Okay, and they're gonna have maybe a gazillion relationships that went one, two, or three dates. Those are all relationships. They're just short-lived. This is what we're faced with. And humans weren't designed for this much emotional start, stop, start, stop, start, stop, start, stop. And what I mean is you start up and then it stops. We weren't designed for this. My mother, she dated one man in her life and she had sex with only one man in her life, 66 years married. That doesn't exist anymore. Or it barely exists anymore. One partner, one date, the rest of your life. That's the exception. It's not the rule. All right, let's read some more questions here. Kimbiller Lee, I am 50, so I hear you. Jennifer, should you read eight dates before in a relationship? Jennifer, going back. Every woman should read this book before they date. And if you're gonna have regular sex with a man, this is date night every week. While you're dating, one chap, it's eight dates, means eight weeks. This will decide, so you'll know if you're having sex somewhere within the first 30 to 30, within the first 45 days, then once you have regular sex with someone, do these exercises and then you can decide whether or not you wanna explore partnership with them or move on. All right, thank you, sister. Kimbiller Lee, I have to read that because I'm finding men over 50 either want much younger women or they have their lives exactly how they want it so they're just not looking for sex without commitment. So, sometimes we men want younger women because they come to the table with less luggage. That's part of the reason why. Sometimes it's based on attraction, sometimes it's luggage. But ultimately, as we age, we all get kind of set in our ways. And sadly, women oftentimes try to pretzel themselves for men instead of it being a co-creative, a two-lane street type of thing. Co-creative. This is why when you read these books, hold on a second, I'm gonna grab another book. Bear with me. I grab another book. This is a really great book. It's called, it's by Gary Zukoff who wrote Seed of the Soul, Spiritual Partnership. Spiritual Partnership. This book along with, I'm gonna recommend this book if the Buddha dated, okay? These are great books to learn how to co-create a relationship. If the Buddha dated spiritual partnerships, definitely worth reading. Why do I recommend so many books? Ladies, look, you can go to some $3,000, $4,000 retreat where you do a lot of rah-rah and singing and dancing, or you can just read about 100 bucks worth of books and change your life. Literally, if you invested one hour a day reading the books I recommend, you will change your life in 90 days. Change your love life, change your level of maturity. This is why I'm such a big proponent and again, my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Because when you become loving on yourself, it's not about I need a man to love me for me to feel good about myself anymore. And I want you to stop it, stop it. Well, by the way, this is the CD, but check out Mary Ann Williamson's book, Return to Love. Oh my God, I love this CD, it's so good. And kind of as I said that, that sounded very feminine, you know, and I say this because I was just judging myself, do you know what, a real emotionally mature person loves introspective work. They love being able to be able to articulate their feelings, a real emotionally mature person because it's not masculine and feminine. This whole masculine and feminine shit is ruining your love lives. Oh my gosh, because there's no way to predict masculine and feminine. Just because a man's demonstrative in the beginning doesn't mean, and he might be, we call that masculine, but doesn't mean he's gonna be a good partner later. And ladies, you've been chastised being in your masculine. By the way, we all have to be in our doing and giving. That's why a relationship is a two lane street. It's doing and giving and giving and receiving and receiving and giving and giving and receiving and receiving and giving. Do you see how it works? All right. Oh, you received my book. Thank you, Mary Ann. I was married for 18 years. Wow, okay. I'm not pretzeling, I'm okay. Let's, ask me a question. Finally, I'm able to catch your live. Sending you a hello, thank you so much. So post a question. Oh, why do emotionally unavailable men feel entitled to your sex when you're not willing to give, wait, why do emotionally unavailable men feel entitled to your sex when they are not willing to give you what you want, which is commitment? It's not so much entitled to sex. It's a strong desire for sex, okay? Now, we might feel a strong desire like we deserve it, but that's usually based on an emotionally mature person, we'll say, look, we can explore a relationship which is going to include sex and we're going to do it consciously. And we're gonna reach different layers of commitment by making agreements to one another. But ultimately, sometimes it's hard to describe that feeling of it's just not right, okay? Sometimes it's hard to describe that feeling, it just doesn't feel right. And we vacillate men and women alike. This feels good, but this doesn't feel good. And so to make that ultimate commitment, and I'm a big proponent of building layers to commitment. In fact, in my private coaching, I teach you the roots to commitment. You have to learn the roots of developing commitment. If you don't know how to develop commitment with a man, then check out a free discovery call with me, hire me as your coach. That's my area of expertise. All right, thank you very much. I've read two of the books. Oh, thank you, I'm amazing. Okay, best place to meet men organically instead of online. Online seems to be the thing, but there's so much vetting and it's time consuming. It's honestly exhausting. Kimberly makes a great point. Online dating is exhausting. Oh my God, because for the first, it's like literally going to, I want you to imagine going to a department store the size of an Amazon warehouse. And it's nothing but shoes and you've decided you wanna buy some shoes, but there's row after row after row after row after row of shoes. That's it, that's all it is. It's not like going to a tiny shoe store, 10 pairs of shoes, that's what you choose from. So that's what online dating is. The reality though is, and this is anecdotal, 50% of all new relationships are happening through an online connection because the reality organically, look at ladies, my life, I work from home. I have a beautiful pace at the beach. I overlook the ocean, I walk the beach every day. I'm by myself all day long. There's no people to interact with. If I go to a bar, what am I gonna do? Pick up a chick at a bar? Where am I gonna meet someone organically? I don't belong to any clubs at this stage of my life. I'm not, look, when you're in your 20s, you're active, you're out there, you're socializing, you're mixing it up with everybody else's shoe single. Now at 50, I have half my friends are married in relationships, the ones that aren't live far away. We're not doing stuff together. The reality is organic is rare. Now, I go to the grocery store twice a week. Everybody's wearing a mask. There's not gonna be picking up right now. And I'm not gonna walk up to a stranger I don't know. And if I do, it's all based on looks and that's not a fair assessment. And we don't, so here's what online dating does. You filter by their photographs. You filter by their questionnaire to see if at least there's a fit. The only problem is it's a big gigantic shoe store is all. Okay. Beth, these videos need to address how much men roll off these days and how women give it up so easily. Threesomes are the norm and how I even hear like foursomes. So, okay, I don't even know how to respond to that. It's because it's a judgment on men. Look at, if men are having foursomes, there's women that are having it with them. So it's a, we have to stop making this men against women, women against men. Jonathan, I met a very nice guy. We have a lovely time when we're together, but he's married to his work. I'm holding back from investing. Do I walk away? So, if someone is married to their work and men and women alike can be married to their work, you have to be very upfront. What am I, what are you looking for in relationship? Describe what your relationship, what you want to look like and ask them, does this align with you? Now, who is it, Kimberly? I can tell you women, you women are effing clueless when it comes to what you want in relationship. Oh my God, I do two dozen introductory coaching calls just to see if you wanna hire me. And the vast majority of women are effing clueless, but they all think they know what you want. You all think you know what you want. You all think it at the 40,000 foot level. You have no clue what it's like at the ground level. That's why you have to read this book. And if you like the guy and he likes you, then you say, look, if you wanna explore a relationship with me, then let's do this book together. If you want that penis in the vagina on a regular basis, we gotta do this work. Otherwise, I wouldn't invest in that God. Now, here's the thing. There isn't one relationship size that fits all. What's most important is are you happy in a relation, you can have a relationship where you see a person once a month and if you're happy, that's your choice. You can be in a relationship where you see each other six times a week. If you're happy, great. You can be in a relationship that's non-committal. If you're happy, great. What's most important, are you happy? And if you're not happy, then begin to speak up, speak your truth, do it with kindness. That's my invitation for you. All right, what do you recommend about vetting men in regard to porn and how attached they are to it? If it's possible, an addiction problematic. So look at men and women masturbate, okay? Men use porn to masturbate, women use mental fantasy to masturbate, okay? The problem with porn because it's visual, there is the possibility of becoming addicted to it. There's a great movie called Don John, Don John. And I can't remember the actor's name. Gordon Levitt, oh God, what's the actor's name? Post a comment below. And he's a man who is addicted to porn. Now, he eventually shifts when he actually learns how to make love to a woman. I believe that there is a significant percentage of men who are addicted to porn. And it could be, I'm saying addicted to it versus the occasional use of it. I used to use it in the past. Now I just use my head, my fantasy. But I don't know how to really give you good advice on that. If someone's addicted to porn, that could be problematic. I, again, speak your truth, have a conversation. And if you're aligned in what you want in relationship, then work on it. And if you're not, move on. That's my recommendation. Chris Rock has a great interview with Gail on his past addiction to porn, and now it distorted him. Okay, so check that out, Chris Rock. Kim writes, I'm separated from a man that is having a difficult time separating from me. What should I do? He keeps in constant contact with me, but he told me he doesn't want a relationship. You know, because of social media and all the different ways we connect, and we didn't, you know, the smartphone and everything, I do believe that if in some unhealthy relationships, it's best to detox from the person for a period of time, detox from them. Give yourself 60 days, 90 days, six months of blocking them. Just block them on your phone, block them on your social media so you don't feel tempted to engage because it's a dopamine hit. Oh, he likes me. He's thinking about me. Oh, he's checking out my Facebook posts. Oh, he went on Instagram and hit like. So forget the why he's doing it. What's most important is how you're reacting to it. If you love yourself, you're not going to feel bad. If you're feeling bad, that's the time to do this work. Read my book. Read all these books. Check out the book by Esther Perrell, Mating and Captivity. She talks about what people do is they want what's known, what they're experiencing today is stable ambiguity, it's companionship, it's connection and sex, the ambiguous pieces, commitment. And I'm looking, I'm here to say, commitment begins at different layers, starting from the very first agreement. And it should happen. Those agreements should begin happening once you've decided to be exclusive with one another and once you decide to be sexually active one another, set up those layers of commitment. If you need help with that and the routes to commitment, schedule a coaching session with me. All right, addiction is the devil's ladies move on. Okay, ladies, by the way, your ladies are just as addicted to your drama. So let's be careful. I'm not suggesting anyone judge men, but just because someone has porn addiction, ladies, you have addictions with drama. So this is why a lot of men post, I don't want drama. So you can easily, by the way, let me tell you what drama is. Drama is this and a lot of you are addicted to it. I'm not saying you listening, I'm saying in general. You expect a man to give this. He's only the capable of giving this. The space in between of your desiring him to come up is drama, oftentimes because emotionally immature people are constantly complaining about the relationship. If you're constantly complaining about the relationship, it's not the right relationship for you either. You're not the right person for him. He's not the right person for you or neither one of you should be in relationship with anybody. If you're complaining about the relationship and you're creating drama, you guys are addicted to that. Touche, Jonathan, but I'm not addicted to drama, but I am addicted to hiking mountains. Yay, okay. By the way, like I said, yoga wasn't pointing the finger at you. Jonathan, about to ask your insight about drama. I think I just shared it. Amen, I hear you. Thank you. Kim, Frederick sounds like you have the soul tie. You need to break it. You should Google spiritual ways to detox the connection. Yeah, there are ways to, from a spiritual perspective to detox, there's even cord cuttings, cord cuttings that can be done because oftentimes with a soul connection or a karmic connection, we can do what's called cord cuttings, look into somonic therapy. I'm a big proponent of all work. Again, in the back of my book, here, I wanna share something with you all. In the back of my book, by the way, that's the back cover. Oh, by the way, I mentioned Connor, my son who passed away. That's Colin, my 24 year old. He's moving out on his own. I'm so worried. And that's the back cover of my book, just like here. But why I pulled out my book is that I wanna share something with you. I list all my favorite teachings, great books to purchase. You can heal your life by Louise Hay, creative visualization, the movie, The Secret, The Movie, What the Bleep? Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. The Four Agreements, we just talked about that. The Five Love Languages, okay? Unleash Your Power by Tony Robbins, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Oh, hold on one second. Hold on one second, second, second, second. Oh my God, you wanna change your life in a way you can't describe? This is my Bible, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. And what I mean by Bible, I love, this book is life changing. Look at, if this work, all I'm sharing with you, I could have went down the rabbit hole of depression after losing Connor. And I didn't because of work, a lot of work. An hour a day is investing in myself. And so it's a perpetual, it's like, look, it's like exercising. It's like learning how to play the piano. You have to do repetition over and over and over again. And if you wanna step into your power, if you wanna step in, if you wanna call it divine feminine, step into your power of your sovereignty, your radiance. Learn these things I've talked about because it's not about leaning into, leaning back. It's about leaning in to empowerment that is non-binary. It's not feminine or masculine, it's spiritual. That's why, like I bring up this book again. If the Buddha dated, oh my God, these are like piggyback books, of course, my book. And there's links below to all of this. The reason why I say this over and over and over again because ladies, there is no magic formula. You can't snap your, well, you can actually snap your fingers and change your life. You actually have the power to do that. But it requires surrendering the old and adopting a new way of approaching, dating, mating and relating. All right, thank you for all about the loss of Connor. I really appreciate that. Middle-age, Sassy Dragon, middle-age business woman. Wait, hold on. Middle-age business woman here. What do you recommend for women who seem to have problems showing up with too much masculine energy? Oh, Sassy, I love this, love this. So what is masculine energy? Masculine is doing, feminine is receiving. A healthy human being has a good combination of both. So I want you to look at this, okay? I'm gonna draw something. It's gonna be, take me a second to draw. So this is known as the yin and yang sign, okay? Now a lot of people believe that masculine and feminine, right? And that for polarity to happen relationship, the man has to be masculine, the woman has to be feminine. That effing doesn't, I'm gonna fucking curse, forget it. I'm gonna curse right now. That effing doesn't fucking work, okay? What this represents is you as a human being. You're masculine and feminine combined. And the more aligned you are to almost being at center, meaning you're capable of giving and receiving, that's the best relationships. They actually have done studies that androgynous people have the best relationships because they're not caught up with the whole gender role expectations. So with that said, if you're too much in your masculine energy, then you have to learn how to receive. And so I'm a big proponent of learning how to give and receive, receive and give, give and receive, give and receive, receive and give, okay? If masculine oftentimes gets associated with controlling behavior, controlling behavior is just what emotionally immature people do because they're not aligned to who they are and what they want. That's what controlling behavior does. It's not masculine behavior, it's immature behavior. It's, I share this before. There's the child, adult and parent. Controlling people or children try to control things. Parents try to control things. Adults show up secure in relationship. This is why you have to read the book attached by Mayor Levine and Rachel Heller, or Heller, excuse me, because it's gonna talk to you about a secure attachment style which will take away the angst on the masculine energy question, okay? We're only got time for a few more questions here. So, good, divine, buying untethered soul, great. Why are you turned away with your back on the back of your back cover? Oh, okay, so really quickly, my book, this photograph, I was actually at my ex-girlfriend's house spending it, I spent the weekend with her and her partner, her, they're not married yet, but they're lived together and he took this photograph while I was standing outside and what it says, there's a quote that I said, I'm in the midst of being human. And there was this great fog and he took this photograph of me, so I really appreciate it and that's, it's basically, it's suggesting that I'm looking introspectively and that's my invitation for you because as I said earlier, sovereignty, it's taking control of your destiny and that's what inner work is and I'm looking, so it's just a reflection of that is all. Thank you for asking. I found that book on YouTube, great. Kick-ass picture, thank you, yoga. Wow, I can't believe how quickly we've gone to this point. I'm gonna take one more really quality question, a really good question or ask me a personal question, I'll answer, ask me a couple of personal questions, let's wrap up with that. I'm so really excited to share all this with you, let's listen to a little more. Friday, I'm in love. Okay, question, this is why large age gaps don't work because of parent-child dynamics. When couples are born within three years of one another, there's more, I'm not, I don't believe it's an age issue, I believe it's an emotional maturity issue. My 24 year old son is more emotionally mature than men twice his age, okay? He could date a woman twice his age or younger than him. Emotional maturity is what matters most and not the age bracket. Now, age can make a difference when it comes to familiarity, liking the same things, having familiar experiences, but not an emotional maturity. Personal, who are you dating? I've got a first date tomorrow night with someone, I shared it earlier and we'll see what happens, who knows? I might have a girlfriend after tomorrow night, hard to say, but, and she planned the date. Because we're having a hard time coordinating because of this whole COVID thing and she made a great suggestion and she took charge. This is not me being in my weak feminine beta role, this is me being in my receptive, you know what? She's, I really appreciate that she's making effort and I will give abundance of appreciation and effort based on the fact that she stepped into her generosity. This isn't masculine or feminine. This is about generosity and what I most appreciate is women who show up demonstrative, effusive, generous. And just like I hope I show up that same way, we'll see what happens. All right, yay, and she planned it. What sign, oh, by the way, she and I are both Leo's, so I'm a Leo, she is a Leo. How do you feel about being single person coaching people on relationship? Okay, thank you. Um, so I've been married before. I was in a significant relationship before. I was majorly depressed. I went through drugs and alcohol after I lost my quarter million dollar a year job and I lost my money in the market. I was addicted to online dating. I was addicted to the rush of first dates. What makes me, I've been through alimony, child support, visitation, right? I've done 3,000 hours of personal development workshops. I have over 20,000 hours of coaching. Why I share that with you is to impress that the reason why it's not about me being in a relationship, it's about me sharing perspective. And I have a lot of life experience compared to a lot of my contemporaries who got married in their 20s and 30s giving advice to you all. And they have no fucking clue about dating apps and swipe. I mean, they've never experiencing themselves. They haven't experienced being ghosted themselves at this age in their life. They haven't experienced a reptile dysfunction and parents in elderly care and losing a child in the emotional effects of that. So I only share this as I'm uniquely qualified to share a perspective. It's not about one size fits all. It's about looking at all size. And I wouldn't be recommending books because I'm not trying to sell you on some one size fits all program. I talk to you about all these books and then I teach you what I've learned so you don't date me back in the day when I was a fucking train wreck. Oh my God, I was a dysfunctional train wreck in the beginning. And my goal is to help you avoid men like that. And I was there, so I get those men. I love your honesty. Thank you so much, Kimberly. I haven't, listen, we're gonna be wrapping up. Look, I had a blast with you all. I wanna thank you so much. If you enjoy my work, please check out the links to my podcast, to the books I recommend, to my private group called Midlife Love Mastery, which is only $20 to join in. You could have direct access to me on a regular basis. And certainly if you hire me as a coach. I would be so honored if you could send this video or any of other my videos to 10 of your friends, preferably female friends, send out a link to 10 friends today. Help me get my word out. Help me get my channel up to 100,000 subscribers. And the reason why I share that with you is I believe I have a message. That's a pure and honest message. It's not bullshit. It's not selling you on something. It's just helping you shift your perspective so you can love on yourself because that's the message I wanna get across. I'm trying to find my book again. Where is my book? Oh, there's my book. What the heck is, this was birthed after Connor passed away. I am such a big proponent because if I didn't love myself, I wouldn't have gotten over the loss of him. I wouldn't have went down the rabbit hole of absolute pain and suffering if it wasn't for the work ahead of time. And self love is a vaccination to emotional chaos. And that's my invitation. And that's my pride is sharing with you is that desire that everybody can be in their sovereignty and love on themselves. And I hope, I hope I'm making a difference in your life. And if I am, please share my content with people. Tell them about me. Help me make my reality of spreading a word of self love, of empowerment, of personal development, self help and spiritual work as a daily practice. I hope I've made a difference in your life. I wanna thank you so much, all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And on that note, let's wrap up my teddy bear. By the way, I also have my stuffed dog Salty after Connor's nickname. So I'm gonna wrap up my videos. I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic shot at the bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a loved one, a friend, a stuffed animal and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. Thank you from my bottom of my heart. Have a wonderful, fabulous weekend. Bye-bye now.