 On this episode of the anxious truth, we're going to talk about what it means to white knuckle your way through an exposure or a challenge and when you can kind of expect that to end. So let's get going. Hey everybody, what's up? Welcome back to the anxious truth. This is episode number 204. Today we're going to talk about the idea of white knuckling your way through exposures and challenges. And we're going to answer the question. When does the white knuckling end because it is a question that gets asked a lot in the community. I've heard it more lately and I thought it would be a good time to address this. Now, before we get into this, I just have to remind you, of course, that the anxious truth is more than just this podcast episode. There are three really good books and anxiety and anxiety recovery. There's a free morning newsletter that comes out every weekday morning in your email and as a mini podcast called the anxious morning. And there's just a ton of other podcast episodes and all kinds of social media stuff, all of which is available on my website at the anxious truth.com. So go check that out. And if you are enjoying this work, it's helping you in some way and you want to help support it and keep it advertiser and sponsor free. There are ways to do that at the anxious truth.com slash support. Go check that out. Never required, but always appreciated. And I appreciate all you guys, no matter what you do. If you are new here to the podcast, I am drill insalata creator and host of the anxious truth. This is the podcast where we talk about all things anxiety and anxiety recovery. So if you're dealing with anxiety problems like panic attacks or agoraphobia, this is the place for you. And of course, if you are returning viewer on YouTube or listener to the podcast. Hey, thanks for coming back. So this episode is about the idea of white knuckling your way through exposures. We use the term white knuckling all the time. I wanted to talk about that a little bit. And we want to answer the question, when can we expect the white knuckling to end? Now, here's what's cool about this episode. I'm going to cut to the main video in a second. It is a first kind of really warm, very spring feeling day here on Long Island. So I took the camera and I went to the beach not far from my house and I recorded this episode standing on the beach because I just needed to do that. It's been a long winter and a long two years of a ridiculously abnormal world and I'm just excited to get back into the normal world. So I recorded on the beach, we'll cut to that in a second. And then when that is over, I'll pop back here and we'll wrap up the episode like we usually do. So I hope you enjoy it. I certainly enjoyed doing it and I'll see you at the end. Okay, so here we are at Cedar Beach. It's a beautiful morning. It's feeling a little bit spring like I'm taking advantage of it. Let's talk about when the white knuckling ends. I get asked this question quite often, like, when am I going to stop white knuckling? When does the white knuckling actually end? And it's actually a relatively simple answer even though it's going to sound a little bit glib and maybe you're going to hate to hear it. But the white knuckling kind of ends when you decide that the white knuckling ends. So let me first explain white knuckling. Some people don't understand what that is. When we talk about white knuckling, it's an analogy of like hanging on, like when you grip something so hard because you're so afraid and you're fighting that your knuckles turn white, right? Because you're gripping so hard. So we talk about white knuckling through an exposure or white knuckling through a challenge. We talk about just sort of gritting your teeth and hanging on and just pushing through as fast as you can so you can get through the whole thing and get back to your sort of safety area, if you will. So that's white knuckling. And people want to know, well, when does the white knuckling end? I've been at this for a long time and I'm still, you know, I'm still pushing through and it's still horrible and I'm totally white knuckling my way through. When does that ever go away? And the reality is that you control that. Like you actually control whether you white knuckle your way, whether you brace and fight and resist and hold on. You decide that. We decide that. We get to decide that. So it's not a matter of like hoping that some process kicks in so that you will just magically stop doing that and it's sort of automatic in the background and you have no agency there. The first thing to remember is that we do have agency there. But I think where people get a little bit confused is that they start to think that if you're going to let go, because this is really a process of letting go, even though you're really afraid and really feeling all those anxiety symptoms and the thoughts and you're terrified in those moments, if you let go and stop white knuckling, it'll somehow feel different. It won't. And you will probably have to let go and let go and let go and repeat and repeat and repeat. So like almost anything else we do here, the process of letting go so that you're not bracing and white knuckling your way through an exposure is something that we practice and we learn. So at first you're going to power your way through these exposures. You're going to be tense. You're going to be bracing. You're going to be fighting. You'll be white knuckling. I'm going to use that phrase way too many times in this video. You'll be doing that. That's pretty much how everybody starts. But at some point you have to make the decision. Oh, that's right. I have to let go of this resistance. I have to actually let go. So this is where you have to decide I'm going to let go. Now you might only be able to let go for a few seconds at a time because that's going to feel even more unsafe. The process of white knuckling, of gripping and hanging on and bracing and resisting is your way to sort of feel safe like you're protecting yourself or you're keeping some terrible thing from happening to you, which is not true. And we let go and we learn to not white knuckle so that we learn the lesson experientially that, oh, even if I let go and I don't brace against the worst and I let whatever happens happens, well, nothing bad happens and I come at the other side and I'm still intact. So the question, you know, I've been doing my exposures for so long, when will I stop white knuckling is kind of really up to you. It's up to us. We have agency in this process. So it's not a matter of a switch clicking on in your head that one day you'll just relax and not white knuckle your way through your exposures. You have to decide to start to do that. So in the end, the question, but when will the white knuckling end is sort of like the question, but when will I be able to play the guitar? Well, as soon as I pick up the guitar and start making horrible beginner mistakes and sound terrible and keep doing that and practicing and getting better and better and better, then I will be able to play the guitar. So as crazy as it sounds that those two questions are pretty much the same. When will I stop white knuckling and when will I be able to play the guitar are really the same question because the answer is, well, when you start practicing that you pick the thing that you want to do, which would be to let go and allow the worst to happen in your exposure to discover that it doesn't. And by the way, feeling panic and feeling afraid is not the worst thing. I know you may argue, but if I let go, then I feel it and that's the worst thing. No, that's not the worst thing. Because aside from being uncomfortable and afraid, nothing bad actually happens to you. So, yeah, when will I stop white knuckling? When will I learn to do my exposures in this new way? Well, when you when we decide to start doing that. And again, it's important to remember that that's not a thing that you just decide to do. And just one day, that's it. I'm not white knuckling anymore. And you're like cool, calm and collected and rag-dolling and loosey-gooseying your way through your exposures. It won't work that way. You're going to let go and then you're going to tense up and you have to let go and you're going to have to tense up. So it's a process of learning, experimenting. That's just the way it goes. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. So I think it's really, really important if you're feeling frustrated and you're thinking, I just can't seem to do this right because I'm powering through and I'm bracing and I'm resisting my way through my exposures, then just keep in mind that like, oh, well, yeah, but I have some control here. I have some agency in this. I can decide to start to try to do it different. And I think try is a key word there. I can start to try to do it different. I can start to learn to not white knuckle. I can practice not white knuckling through my exposures. So I think it's important to realize that you're not powerless. You don't have to passively like, well, I have to hold on and grip like hot death and push my way through and brace my way through until some sort of switch goes off in my brain and I stop doing it that way. No, that's not correct. You get to decide when you stop doing that or at least when you begin the process of learning to do your exposures in a different way. So there's not a whole lot more I could say about that. I'm just going to be a relatively short episode. But yeah, the question, when does the white knuckling end really comes down to that? It's when you decide to start trying to practice doing it in a different way without the white knuckling. Again, I always wish I had a better answer for you, something that was a little easier or maybe more gentle or didn't require you to do crazy, hard, scary things. But I never do. This is the answer that I always have for you. Almost any question that we come up with like this is going to be answered in the same way. And that sucks, but it's kind of the way it is. So that is the deal. I'm going to wrap this up and take a little walk because, like I said, it's really nice today and we're trying to take advantage of that because it's been a long winter and a long two years and I'm just excited to sort of be back out again and into the world and not being weird. So I'm going to wrap it up here. I'll bring it back to do the ultimate wrap up in the studio like they usually do in the studio. That's my desk and in my home office. And all right, I'll be back in a minute. And we are back in the studio, like I said, from the beach back at my desk. I hope you enjoyed my little podcast episode from the beach. I know I enjoy doing it because it is such a nice day today. I want to get back outside if I can. That is a wrap on podcast episode number 204. I hope it has shed some light on the subject of white knuckling. Now we're done because music after Khloé by Ben Drake, whom you can find as always on his website at Ben Drake music.com. Check him out. He's a talented guy and a good person. So if you are watching the podcast on YouTube, what up YouTube? Like and subscribe. I'm supposed to say that like the video, subscribe to the channel and leave a comment because I'm digging interacting with you guys on YouTube. Great community over there that I neglected for far too long. 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