 It's deadly instruments, the most deadly weapon. Let's see. And as usual, a kind of late night. It looks like County Island on a Monday morning. Hi, signs, what's the action? You see Corwin? Yeah, I've seen him, but I couldn't take it. So I sent him over to the mess hall. He's got K.P. OK, take him away. Right, signs. All right, my friends, now I want you to follow us. They get steak, caviar, and whipped cream cake. They have fancy cooks who know what cooking means. We get mess, and it's really easy. But the army gets the beans. So your boy in the army, a million can identify. So I say to you, why do we got to have this? Just because we were friends before and used to work together, I've been covering up for you. That's going to stop too, you understand? Shut up. I'll get you a pack and everything that goes with it. And I want to see it down front in exactly five minutes. Understand? Shut up. You're going to go on a long, long journey and you may not be back this way. Understand? Shut up. When it goes with it, be down front in five minutes. Understand? Form 20 and 24. It could be eligible for a 615-360. Section 7, paragraph 49. Oh, sure. I get it. So how he acted in CCTV X1 and 2? And last summer, it was a 293. Do you think it's covered in 615-360? Sure, an MR1-92. This profile is 24.4.4D points. Oh, brother, ain't the army on back in the numbers racket. Here's your mail, Corporal. Well, I guess we'll take another crack at that bandit. You think it'll work? It should. There was a guy in here a little while ago to fix it. About time. John, I see how many times I have to tell you. This ain't a day room. All right. President McVeigh, I want to see him right away. Right. Is Miller in here? We've got this training film tomorrow morning. Oh, yes. That begins at 7 o'clock. Now, the theater's two blocks away, so I think we better fall out at 635. They'll want us in front of battalion headquarters not later than 625. In that case, Davenport have the men lined up and ready to go at 650. Watch that. Corwin's lost again. Well, you better find him. Right, Sgt. Hey, you see them lights. That's Sgt. Well, let's be turning them off. Sergeant McVeigh, we've got to see the work, don't we? Yeah, well, what if Colonel Davis comes? He thought like lights on in a daytime. Another thing, McVeigh, the company has an early formation of Marne. You better have those men fall out of five minutes before 6. Five minutes before 6, eh? Yeah. So I tell you, I got some names here that are cockamamies. Laudaske, Schmallowitz, Cazelliazmiak. Let me pull them out early. Say, about 545, eh? OK. Right, son. Someday this guy's going to blow his brains out. If you ask me, he's already done it. Listen again. Yeah? I don't dig this army at all. I want overseas. I stay here. The guys who want to stay here, get overseas. You forget there's a war on it. Yeah, but what do we get to do about it? When I was a civilian, we had something doing every minute, singing, dancing, working in nightclubs. I joined the army. I sit on my hands. Now, I think I'll inspect the mess hall. Hiya, Sarge. Been waiting up for me. How come you're late, Edwards? I was drunk. I don't blame you with a kiss like that. I'll be loaded all the time. Why? Thank you. You're welcome. Now go to the barracks. Edwards, get into your fatigues and report back here. And if you have any social engagements, call your secretary and have her cancel them. Sergeant's real brave today. I get any mail? Sure took you a long time to sober up. Took me a long time to get drunk. My new girl had a date with another Joe last night. What's the matter, losing your appeal? Does that look like I'm losing my appeal? Wow. Very tasty. Put your belly in. No, he's out. What did you want to see him about? It's of a rather personal nature. Would you like to leave a message? Yes. Just tell him Millie was here. I'll be back in 10 minutes, I can start. Do you mind if I sit here and wait for a while? No, no. Go right ahead. Thanks. Clark, do you have that field manual? On four copies of this, Clark. It's to go to the adjutant. But, sir, I did this yesterday. Are you dead? Yes, sir. So you're dead. Well, I want one more copy. Yes, sir. You know, it takes a fantastic amount of paperwork to administer even a little tank company such as we have here. Are you ready, Ernie? Not yet, dear. I'll be right with you. I've decided we can do without another copy of this. That's our commanding officer. Which one? Who in the company is that girl married to? I don't know, dear. Shall we call Luella Parsons? Now, darling, don't get testy. I just happened to know that she's a Titusville girl. She works on the pulse. She has calcium deficiency, and she's expecting. Expecting? Yes, and don't ask me what she's expecting. Where in the world did you uncover all this, Mrs. Sherlock Holmes? At the clinic yesterday. I was there for my coal shop, and one of the nurses told me about it. Say, I just remembered there's been a mix-up in the OD roster. I know. I may get it. No, you won't. Lieutenant Terrea stuck with officer of the day. Are you sure? Yes. Sally Pearson told me that the adjutant's wife told her that the adjutant said so at noon. Oh, well, Sally said so. That settles it. How are you getting along with that, Colonel Davis? Well, that depends. How are you getting along with Mrs. Davis? That woman. She's so rank-conscious. How soon will you be ready to leave? Why don't you go to the club and wait? I have a lot of papers to sign. Can't somebody else sign those? I'm the only one. The United States Army has a higher regard for my signature. I wish the First National Bank did. But you got these clothes, Sergeant. Quartermaster, sir. And why didn't you get a shipping ticket when you got the clothes? I don't know, sir. Maybe they weren't paying attention when I drew the issue. Then this is stolen goods. No, sir. I think I'll have to have a look at Army regulations. But Lieutenant Davenport, don't you trust me? This is no way to run a business. Carry on. He's going to tell me how to run a business. Used to be a soda jerk. He just ran out of soda. I got to see the First Sergeant. Hi, you kid. I see you still wearing your old head. You leave me alone. I got troubles. In the Army? You got troubles? Yeah, and I got to see the First Sergeant right away. It's important. Take it easy. Don't tell me how to take it. I got to get a three-day pass. The last guy in the US Army that got a three-day pass was Sergeant York. Yeah, well, I don't care. I got to see my wife. It's an emergency. I've had emergencies. But could I get a pass? Bet you we're never having a baby. Kid, I never even had my appendix out. Those penalty tours? Yes, Corporal. Do you report to the drill, Sergeant? Yes, Corporal. Do you report to the mess, Sergeant? Yes, Corporal. OK. Boy, if I ever get overseas, the first thing I'm going to do is surrender. Concentration camp's got to be better than this. What crummy coffee. Why wouldn't wash my... Hey, it's here. The shipping order came while you were out. Now watch me get out of this hole. Hey, George, I want to... What do you want? Nothing. I just thought that maybe... Get out of my way. Can't you see I'm busy? Captain Caldwell, I've just seen the shipping orders and I have just a man for you, sir. Good. Who is he? Me, First Sergeant Victor Puccinelli. Don't be foolish, Sergeant. This call is only for privates and PFCs. You'd better make up your mind. You're staying here. I've seen armies. I won't argue that point. Now, about the shipments. We can't be expected to cripple ourselves, so don't send anyone who's useful. How about that kid who never does anything right? You mean Corwin? That's the one. Well, he's right out here now, sir. Maybe Eisenhower can do something with him. Yes, sir. I want to see you. I don't want to see you too, Vic. I wanted to know if I... Get your hands off my desk and call me Sergeant. Can't you stand up? Yes, Sergeant. I just want to know if I could get a three-day pass. What'd you say? I want to know if I get a three-day pass. Did you get permission from your platoon, Sergeant, to come in here? No, Sergeant, but I... How many times must I tell you that in the army you've got to go through channels? I know, but this is an emergency. And if I go through the section later in the platoon, Sergeant, and you and the CO and everybody else in channels, my kid will be old enough to be drafted himself. Very funny. I can't be giving you a three-day pass every week. You just came off one. That's not true. I haven't been on one in a long time. And if my wife forgets what I look like, you'll be responsible. You should get that lucky. We'll see about it when the time comes. You heard me. Yes, Sergeant. Aren't we going to rehearse our act for the show? Oh, get going. Wait a minute. Give me a minute. How come you didn't shave today? No one said I was supposed to. I didn't shave yesterday. Nobody said nothing. Get out of here. Treat me like this. Oh, stop mumbling. You always didn't use to treat me like this. That's what I said, so there's two. You're going to start that again? Yes, I am. You're supposed to be my friend. We'll have done the same work in the same city. And you know what you promised my mother? Stop hitting my desk. And what did I promise your mother? That no one would harm a hair on my head. You mean both heads? Ho-ho, that's rich. Oh, quiet, p-head. Just because we were friends before has an ending. Friends before is right. Anything to do with now? I have a responsibility, and you're part of it. Well, I'm warning you, you're driving me crazy. That's no drive. It's a short part. What do you want, special privileges? No, I just wanted you to remember you was the best man in my wedding. You're not kidding. And we were buddies, and we wrote songs, and we sang, and we danced together. And you still owe me $8.75 from before the war. And we were friends and proud of each other. We were just like brother and sister. And what happens if one comes a crummy little one, flip-flop, you turn into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Clyde. What is it with you, anyhow? All right, all right. All right, all right. Big man. Couple of stinking stripes. Big deal. Go home and wash your face. Go home and wash your face. Big deal. Look at him. General Delivery. Get out of here. It's a matter of Einstein. He thinks I bombed Pearl Harbor. When Edwards comes back, tell me he's being shipped out. Say there was a milley here looking for you. Milley. Wonder what she wants. Oh, I know. What's the date? 29. That's it. Tomorrow's the anniversary of our first alert. Alert? This office has never been alerted. I know, and I just used it as a gag. You know, the first time I saw Milley, she looked real good to me. But all I got was ice cubes. So? So I told her we were being alerted. So? So she let me kiss her. So? So I took her out a few more times. So? So she let me kiss her a few more times. Oh, what's wrong with that? Nothing, except one day she started to talk, and I found out how dumb she was. You know that dame's really 60 cents short? Not only that, she got on a getting married case. What is it with these dames? They all want to get married. I know a lot of nice people that aren't married. Then one night I took her out. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right, sir. After you tell Edwards he's being shipped out, send him in to see Miller and have his supply record checked out. Right. Good corporal that was here when I came before. I'm here. Yes, but Sergeant Puccinelli still isn't in. I don't suppose you know he's going to stay in camp tonight, or tomorrow night? No, well, you see, we never know when we're going to be alerted. I know. Ours not to reason why. Ours, but to do or die. That's cute. Look, why don't you write him a note? Write him? Well, you do it. I'll be back at 6.45 when I get off from work. And put down, it's important. And if I don't see him, there might be trouble. OK, if I see him. You know, he's not the easiest guy in the world to locate. Don't I know it? Well, I have to get back to the PX. We're terribly busy today. We're closed. Those were inventories. Goodbye. They did it again. He added them just to tuck me with officer of the day. I know. You know? Well, why didn't you tell me? My wife just told me. Did she also mention when the wall would be over? She doesn't tell me everything, she knows. It's OK, she's gone. What do we have to say? She left a note. She said she'd be back at 6.45. Come in. Arjun! You got permission to come in here? No. Well, get out. They think all I have to do around here is hand out the passes. What was I talking about? Millie. She said if she doesn't see it tonight, there's going to be trouble. I better catch the first bus into town. Hey, Corporal, would you know where I could have hit my head? Hey, that's them lights. The colonel's coming back. This is true. I'm sorry, sir, but the colonel is coming. And you know how he feels about lights burning in the daytime. And you know how I feel about it. Yes, I do, sir. OK, turn them on. Corwin, he's been running in and out of here all day long. And if he keeps it up, we'll have to put in a revolving door. But you see, I've got permission to skip training. Knowing you better find them will send to the CO. Right, Sarge. And another thing, Edwards and these guys are shipping overseas. Come in. Come in. Get out of here. Come back here. Get out of here. Come back here. Let's be explaining why you ain't been in no classes all afternoon. I've been looking all over you, Miss Vick. Oh, you've been looking familiar, huh? Yeah, I want to know, could I have permission to see the first sergeant? No. Yeah, but I got to see him. You don't got to see nobody. I got a message for the first sergeant for battalion headquarters. But why don't you say so? He didn't lie to me. Corwin, you never learn. You know, before you take off on details, you've got to tell you for a told sergeant. You was the one to send me on it, didn't you, sir? I don't make no difference. All right, what's the message? It says that you've got to report to the dispensary in the morning for a physical examination. Physical? Let me see that. My application for parents, who's went through. Hey, Sarge, you need me for anything? No, take two weeks off. Right, sir. Two minutes, Sarge. Form 38 is filled out in case of discharge. Discharge? What does that mean? Oh, he's right, Sarge. According to paragraph 8, article 4-0-100, 24 hours prior to discharge of an enlisted man, for reasons other than physical disability, he must be examined and form 38 filled out. Ha, ha, ha. Why can't you do this to me? Sergeant. What? When you get home, will you call my mother? Oh, get out of here. I'll refuse. I'll go in and tear a battalion of headquarters, poured by a pour. Captain Colwell, can you do something about this? They want to discharge me. Me or for her, for they're crazy. Oh, Sergeant. Well, go ahead and read it for yourself. Sergeant Puccinelli. Millie will be here at the age of your form 38. I'm yourself Sergeant. Your application for a warrant officer has come through. You're being discharged to accept appointment as warrant officer. Me an officer? But that's worse. Sergeant. Yes, sir. Will you make out tomorrow's morning report and send it to battalion? Morning report tonight? Yes. From now on, they want it in the night before. It's a discharge so I can become a warrant officer. Congratulations. Hey, what's this deal about me shipping out? There's no deal. You're just on a movement. You'll be leaving in a couple of days. Look, Sarge, how about crossing my name off that list? You know, I got a new girl in town, and we're pretty serious. That's very touching. Listen, I got to see my girl. I've seen the girls you go with. You'll do better where you're going. Yeah? Well, I've seen your type, too. Why don't you drop down to Rialto Theater sometime? The Rialto? Yeah, the new Red Headed Usher. Helen? That's right. I'm a dirty lowdown, no good. You win that argument. Go ahead, start another one. You're cutting in on me. I go with Helen. You went with Helen. Now I see why I'm on shipment. You're pulling your rank on me. Don't do it, Sarge. Ninety-six article of war. Suck him in a capital bust. Put this on the bulletin board. You can take off, wise guy, and start packing. I've got work to do. This ain't no pool room. No. I got a swan I just saw on Eightfold. Get out of here. I never went to college, knowledge, but there I've heard that statistic show. What do you think you're doing? I'm singing. You call this singing? Can you like it a little? I didn't even like it a lot. You have to admit my voice is different. Come on, Sarge, let's hear you sing it. I can't. I got some work to do. And besides, I got a date in town. Oh, come on, Sarge. OK, one chorus. I'd rather say I love you than time to wander hark on a collide. And wouldn't you rather say I love you than time to wander hark on a collide. It's easier to spell, kiss me dear than time to wander hark on a collide. And wouldn't you rather here kiss me dear than time to wander hark on a collide. To quote a famous Yale professor. Osculation is a sensation that is nice. If you should ask a Harvard lawyer, he'll charge you $20 and he'll give you his advice. It's easier to say I love you than time to wander hark on a collide. And wouldn't you rather say I love you than time to wander hark on a collide. To quote a famous Yale professor. Osculation is a sensation that is nice. If you should ask a Harvard lawyer, he'll charge you $20 and he'll give you his advice. It's easier to say I love you than time to wander hark on a collide. And wouldn't you rather say I love you than time to wander hark on a collide. I'd like to find a joker that spread the rumor around that I'm already a warring officer. It's why every time I walk into the barracks, I'm knit with the old tension. I walked in while McVay was shaving, he snapped to attention, nearly cut his throat. Sergeant McVay cut his throat? No, I just nicked it a little, but he bled like a stuck pig. Okay, you lucky people, you can go to town now. I'm ready to take over. Take that junk into the captain's office. Take that with you. Hey, Colin, give me a hand with this with it. Sting's up, Clark. Go on, get home to the loo. I've seen the warrant. I'll be back in a minute. Hey, Colin, don't forget you have to police up outside, too. Listen, Shaughnessy, some babe might drop in here soon asking for me, so tell her I'm out running the obstacle course. Okay, Sergeant. How can he blow his whistle? Some people tell you when you get in the army, you get used to it. But they don't say how long it takes, and I ain't getting any younger. You know something, Colin? Thanks, Corporal. Now, let's be giving me the pass. What are your plans for tonight, Sergeant? I guess I'll get me a couple of beers. Oh, gonna wet your whistle, eh? You bet. Let's be harvying. There's something you missed. Let's be getting on the ball. Yeah, but nobody can see up there, so... What's all right, no divers? An awful sloppy around here. I'll be neat. I'll be tidy. Because if we ain't, somebody's gonna get it. This army ain't just a place to have fun, you know. Well, if anybody asks for me, I'm painting the town. And when I'm painting the town, I'm painting the town. Big man. Gotta be neat. Gotta be tidy. Something you missed. Be getting on the ball. Sergeant, oh, I can see that. Don't tell me I don't do this. If you ask her for me, I'll be out painting the town. When I paint the town, I'm painting the town. Take it easy, son. What does McVay have to be in the army for? Why couldn't he be in a Navy? I can't sleep in the afternoon on account of that guy. Why don't you take a poke at him? Me take a poke at Sergeant McVay? You know what they do to me? What can they do to you? There's nothing lower than what you are now. Look, and the regulation is that you can challenge anybody in the army. If you think they're taking advantage of you, ask them to put the gloves on with you. You mean I could start Sergeant McVay in the nose and nobody say nothing? Sure. What if he hit me first? But you don't let him. You see it's a matter of science, lad. Come here, I'll show you. Strike a pose. You see, first you gotta pick a style. John L. Sullivan. Oh, that's not for you. Wait a minute, the Jack Dempsey Crouch. That's better. You're a killer. Get low. Lower. Lower! Hey, I got it. Come here. Tony Canzanieri. That's it. He was a ballet dancer. You gotta have rhythm. Watch. Yep. I'm training. For what? I'm gonna put the gloves on with Sergeant McVay. McVay? Yeah, I'm the Jebus head-off. Where do you want the body sent? Send it to McVay's parents. Your body. Go on, get in, finish the rest of your work. Talk to you for a minute. All right. What do you want now? Remember that song we wrote together? Yeah, what about it? Well, we got a telegram from the music publisher, and he wanted to put the song on a record and send it to him right away. Go ahead and make a record of it. No, I want you to record it. Get Bing Crosby. I like you better. Oh, you don't have to fight, McVay. You're punchy already. Why? Just because I like you better? At least you could do a show a little consideration for me. Sure. I know you're a sergeant and I'm only a private. What you should do is be a little friendly. All right, I love you. I'm your friend. What do you want me to do? If you never ever give me a pass again, I don't care. Just take the song into town tonight. You know it's that place where you put a quarter in the machine instead of writing home to your mother. You send your voice on a record. Here's a quarter. But I got a date. So what? Take your date to the recording booth with you. It might be a little warm. It might be a little fun. All right. I'll record it. Millie. I'll be seeing you. It's Sergeant Puccinellian. Oh, no, he's out on a big whack. Oh, that's a shame. How did it happen? Say, haven't I seen you someplace before? You might have seen me at the PX number 10. I used to sell beer, but I asked to be transferred to the candy counter. What happened? Did you get hungry? Good evening, Corporal. Oh, hi. Aren't you going to introduce us? Private Edwards, meet a friend. Friend, meet Private Edwards. Your name's Millie, isn't it? Millie doesn't look a bit. She just switched from beer to candy. Would you like to take your break now, Corporal? Definitely. Glad to have met you. Oh, thank you. If you want anything, just ring for the bellboy. He's nice, isn't he? Do you think Cutie will be here tonight? Cutie? You mean Puccinelli? No, I don't think he can make it. But anything you want to tell him why, you can tell me. What's your name? The Charger Court is so crazy when he introduced us that all I remember is that you're a friend of his. U.S. That's cute. Monogram Blanket. My name's Caldwell. Private Ernie Caldwell. I was just thinking that if you're not doing anything tomorrow night... Oh, tomorrow night. Hello. Don't you know enough to knock before you come into a room? She was. I was just down at the P.X. Corporal Shaughnessy would like some ice cream. Set it on a desk. I'll see if he gets it. The spoon's inside. You don't gotta worry about me. I'm no snitcher. I'm right away. Can I have a pass? Are you nuts? You're restricted. But the fellas forgot the music. I gotta have a pass. Not to do it. Corporal, it's a matter of life and death. Nothing to do it. I beg your pardon. Never mind. I beg your pardon. See what I saw? Until she starts looking good to me. Didn't remind me of... Bartender, how much do I owe you? You've been very nice. What were you saying? How about singing a little song? A little song for soldiers. Would you like a... Crevedin song? Or a... Problen song? Well, possibly you'd like a... Lablo Vinvindin song. Hmm? Say it. You play this, please. I hear your voice. I ask for your advice. I'm playing with the music. I'm playing with the music. It's a beautiful song. I'll take your advice. You know, I want to get back on track but we have to cancel the recording. That is so wonderful. Can I ask you a little kiss? What do you people want? We have to go back to the camp. We forgot the music. Don't bother. Let's have a look. Just one of those things. But what? We're being alert. Helen, you're going to miss me that much? Sure. This may sound a little hokey, but I wrote a song, and I'd like to make a record of it just for you. I'm going to the booth while I record it. And it ain't going to hurt a little bit. Come on. You sure it ain't going to hurt? No, it won't hurt you best. Come on, I know. Louvre deux. I didn't get the last part. Louvre deux. Now, that didn't hurt a bit, did it? How do you feel? Feel good? OK? Me too. There. Take this note into the mess, Sergeant. How do you think I feel? What do you think I am in there? Pink cushion? You said it wouldn't hurt me. You'll live. You'll live. That's what I'm afraid of. Morning, Clark. Morning, Captain. As you were, I talked to Colonel Davis, and he's going to put you on that overseas movement. That's swell, Captain. Did Corporal Clark tell you about the woman who was in the orderly room yesterday? Yes, sir. She's having trouble locating some man in the company, and I want you to find the man. Yes, sir. I'll try, but it won't be easy. She could make things nasty if she got to the Colonel. Will you take care of it? I'll do my best, sir. Good. As soon as you find the man, I want to see him. Yes, sir. How do you like that? Now I'm in charge of domestic relations. Even that little alert gag I pulled on Miller just to kiss her a few times. You know that could develop a taste. Out them rocks. The Colonel's coming by. Sergeant Puccinelli, I'd like to see your copy of the master training schedule. It's supposed to be posted permanently on the bulletin board. Yes, sir. Corporal Clark, show the Colonel where we posted the schedule. What was that? He said it's right over here, sir. It's here, sir. I can't see it. Well, I'm sure I put it here. Well, it doesn't seem to be here now. I think it's in the other room, Colonel. What was that? I think it's in the other room. Oh, Colonel. Good morning, Colonel. Good morning, Colville. We can't seem to find a copy of that master training schedule. It should be posted in every orderly room. It's probably there, sir. No, it isn't on that board. I can't understand why it isn't up. I hope it looks better than your orderly room. Sergeant Puccinelli! I hope someday to see a copy of that master training schedule. We found it, sir. It was posted under SOP. Oh, yes. Well, no wonder I didn't see it. It's too dark in here. Turn on those lights. Here's the envelope from Italian. So you're really going to ship me out? That's right. Well, cutie, I had a nice little talk last night with Millie. And? And? And I'll give you the rest of the day to get my name off that list. Don't threaten me. Get out. Wait a minute. It's a pleasure. Here's a telegram for Corwin. Give it to him in the mess hall. Sergeant Puccinelli, Colonel Davis is going to inspect the supply room. And following that, the mess hall. Yes, sir. Colonel's going to inspect in a minute. Oh, no, Sarge. Ditch this for me. Captain, what's gotten into this company? Well, a few things have gone wrong, sir. A few things? Captain, I have never. Sounds like the mess hall. Mess hall? Signal's over. What's the meaning of it? Sergeant Puccinelli, what's going on here? What's that whistle? Is it a fire? Did you off that shipping order? You mean I can't go overseas? That's right. Here it is in writing. Not only that, he's given all his B company officers a big fat map problem. I'm sorry, sir. Yes, sir. How do you like that? Five years in this man's army. Five years in the day before I go on shipment, I get caught in this filthy machinery. Manage. What's the first class this afternoon? Calisthenics. Oh, fine. That's all I need. There's got to be an easier way to make a living. I don't see how we can identify these small islands just by their topography. I'm afraid this little number will keep us busy for a week. Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Calisthenics. Good afternoon. How soon will you be ready? Well, well, well, all dressed up to go places, I see. I'm afraid that for once in my life, I have a surprise for you. Really? It seems that without consulting you, the Colonel has given B company officers a special problem which will undoubtedly take all night to do. What kind of problem? We have to identify a number of South Pacific islands by their topography. Sally said you wouldn't get that till tomorrow. Then you must have done something to anger, Sally, because she gave it to us today. Well, I'll tell her a thing or two. I might have come out without the answers. Yes, I have them right here. Someplace. Strasbourg? These aren't the answers. Oh, that's B company. Coastal, Tagawa, Island, Duray? If I thought there was another woman like Dorothy on this earth, I'd tell you to get married at once. Honey, this is wonderful. I'm certainly glad you appreciate me. Well, I've got a few things to pick up at the PX. And I'll be back to pick you up in exactly 20 minutes. Uh-oh. I'd better get this to Captain Stoner and C company. Please, men. Can you imagine that? He wants another good conduct ribbon. How does he lose some men? I don't know. He gets plastered and deals and all like paternity pills. Hey, the Colonel's checking calisthenics. I beg your pardon, sir. Yes, what is it? The Colonel is checking orderly rooms. Sergeant Miller on duty, sir. Where's Sergeant Puccinelli? With the company. Taking calisthenics, sir. Shall I get him for you, sir? No. No, the exercise will be good for it. Yes, sir. Miller? Yes, sir. At ease. What's the name of that sergeant, the one with the whistle? Oh, you mean McVay, sir. Yes. I want you to find McVay immediately. Tell him to get this entire outfit on the obstacle course in 10 minutes, understand? Yes, sir. He turns the same articles in for salvage over and over again. I think he's going to open up an army in Navy's and Millie's F with 14 points. But that's the plight situation to your satisfaction. Yes, sir. I don't think we'll have any more trouble with Sergeant Miller. I have to get on to my next class. I've got a cigarette. Yes, sure, sergeant. Here, roll your own. That'll be all, Sergeant Miller. Featuring today, 40 medium? Match. Have you made any progress finding out about that girl? What girl? The one who was in the orderly room yesterday. Oh, yes, sir. I have a hunch, sir. I want to see that man as soon as possible. Yes, sir. Where's Corwin? He's in the wreck hall rehearsing. Rehearsing? For what, that'll become a mental case? See Captain Caldwell. What are you doing now? You'll find out, and I'm delivering you COD. Come on. What about the number? What number? You promised Broke he'd do it. Well, tell him to get with it, but hurry up. I ask him in a nice way. Use a little diplomacy. You say, Pokie, will you play a song for Vic and I? We're going to dance. Because you and me, Alvin, we're going to be together a long, long time. You and me, we're friends, right? Ask him and I'll wait till you're all through. Because I have nothing else to say. Go ahead. You say, Pokie, play some music for Vic and I. Go ahead, and I'll wait till you're all through. What are you waiting for? Don't make fun of me. Put this together? Sure. Thanks, a heap. The whole band, they should play it together. And first, Sergeant Victor Puccinelli and private first class Alvin Corwin, doing their impression of two great personalities. You know what I did? I don't know if the idea of you didn't seem to find my task a wee bit of a favor now, Sergeant. Well, you're a nice little boy speaking the bow. But what you did in the night, I was so sick and dead. I couldn't really do it for it tonight. Father got a little music behind me, now you know that. You said, Pokie, sing with it more. Would you try now, Sergeant? Well, it shouldn't be a pleasure to do it for you. Yes, you open it right up, and you'll play in the eye. There's Corwin reporting, sir, as ordered. Addis, what's your first name? Alvin. Alvin? Yes, sir. Alvin, bringing children into the world is a solemn matter. Solum, sir? I didn't think we were so solemn. That's the trouble. Sometimes we don't realize it until it's too late. Now, what do you intend to do about this matter? Nothing, sir. Everything's been done already. That's the wrong attitude entirely. Aren't you ashamed? No, sir, I'm very proud. Yes, sir, we wanted a baby, so we got a baby. You wanted a baby? Yes, sir. But don't you understand? You can't let this baby grow up without a name. I know. We'll think of a name for it. That's not what I mean. Now, Corwin, listen to me closely. Do you have any love for this woman? Yes, sir, I love her very much. Well, then my job should be simple. I'm going to give you a three-day pass so you can go to this girl and do right by her. Oh, thank you, sir. But understand, this pass is only to give this baby a name. Three-day pass to think of a name. I know, sir, we'll name it after you. That's not necessary. But I'll tell you this. When the baby's born, I'll see that you get an emergency furlough. Sir, but I... No buts about it. That'll be all. Get in the Class A uniform. Yes, sir. Would you like? I've decided to give Corwin a three-day pass. A pass? But Captain, after what he did? Well, I have to give him a pass so he can get married. Get married? What for? Put you an alley. Is this or is this not the man who's in trouble? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. He's in trouble all right, sir. What he means is that the baby's already been born. Is that right, Corwin? Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes, Sergeant. Well, that's different. Give me that pass. Oh, but Captain... We'll give you an emergency furlough. Thank you. But get this, Corwin. You'd better bring back a marriage certificate. Oh, that's easy. I got one in a barrel. He doesn't mean his own, sir. One of the boys has one tacked up on the wall. Corwin, you better get ready to go. Yes, Sergeant. Well, I'm off to battalion. Sir, do you want me to type up these furlough papers? No, I'll have it done at headquarters. I want to push it right through. Yes, sir. Don't leave me here alone. Billy, what a surprise to see you here. Well, I've been trying so hard to see you. Mellie, come here. Now, tell me the truth. Are you going to have a... Yes, Vic. Where did you hear? Where did I hear? Why, it's practically a coast-to-coast hookup. Look, honey, step into the captain's office. Just a minute. No! There's too much traffic in there. Please, Mellie. Come in. Put your belly. I have a few questions to ask you. Helen, listen. And the first one has to do with Jack Edwards. Oh, that's all that's bothering you. Listen, cutie. Please, miss. Who was that girl? Mrs. Caldwell, the captain's wife. Oh. If you send Jack Edwards out of this camp, consider our relationship at an end. Oh, you wouldn't do that, would you, honey? On the contrary. I'm not sure I'm in love with either one of you, but, well, I want to be fair to you both. Oh, look. Good afternoon, Sergeant. Oh, Captain Caldwell, Miss Palmer, I'd like to have you meet her. How do you do? How do you do? Oh, Captain, I think you want her down to battalion headquarters. Lieutenant Davenport! Now, wait a minute. Don't mix me up in this. Maybe I'd better leave. No one moment. You've made a startling recovery, haven't you? I don't know what you're talking about. Sergeant, put you in it. Yes, sir. Well, there he is. Corwin, come in here. Sit down here, lady. Can you explain... That's the first place Corwin reporting his audit, sir. Will you kindly explain why this young lady is sitting here completely recovered? And you're about to sti... And you're about to start an emergency furlough? Recovered, sir? What was wrong with her? Don't try to be funny. I don't understand, Captain. I never saw that woman before last night. You never saw her before last night? No. Then why do you think you're getting this furlough? Because my wife had a baby. Your wife had a baby? Yes, sir. Here's a telegram I got. I think I get this now. Do you know him? Huge. Well, use your furlough. Take it and get out. Thank you, Captain. Yes, sir. And give my love to the baby. Yes, sir. I will, sir. Thank you, Captain. Bye. Everybody, Sergeant Putchin-Alley. Yes, sir. Do you realize this whole mess is still up in the air? Corwin wasn't a man. He wasn't, sir? I can't understand your attitude lately. I guess I'll have to take care of this myself. Get me that company roster with the physical descriptions of the man. Yes. Well, I... I suppose we should introduce ourselves. I'm Helen Palmer, and this is, uh, Captain Caldwell's wife. Who are you? I'm not quite sure. The Captain would like to see you. You. Me? Oh, but I was just in there. What's the meaning of this? She was introduced to me as your wife. Now, wait a minute. What do you mean? You said you had just been in here. I was just in here. I was here last night, too. The desk was here. There was a chair there, and there was a... Now, darling, this is an army matter. It's not your affair. Ah, young lady, what's the meaning of this? Captain, Captain, what's your name? Ernest Caldwell. Can't you stay outside until this is settled? If there's anything going on, I want to know about it. Well, let's both get outside, and I'll try to explain. I don't understand. Captain. Oh, come on, Millie. Let's get out of here. But I'm still... Cutie. Well, honey, what are you doing here? Well, I was worried. I came over to ask Vic about you going on that ship, mate. Oh, well, don't worry. Cutie will see that I don't go. Come on. Why don't you give up? But, Janelle, we have something that must be settled. Not just a minute, sir. For five years, this army has been deciding things for me to do. But I'm in a driver's seat this time. I don't want to be a worn officer. I want to go overseas. I want to get away from everything, away from all this. You can't dodge the issue that easily. Besides, you're not a private. That, sir, is something else I'm deciding. I'm busting myself. You can't do that. I can't, but you can do it for me. Watch. You must have gone out with another man in this company. Present, sir. Do put, Janelle. Well, I'm going to give you exactly what you asked for. You'll be reduced to private and shipped overseas. Thank you, sir. And don't think this relieves you of your responsibilities to this woman you're married to. Hans Lager have been since a week after I broke up with Vic. What have you been looking for me for? Because I wanted to tell you not to come to see me tonight, like you promised four months ago, before John and I were married. You won't come, will you? Only Toledo know. Oh, I'm so glad. You see, my husband might not understand. He's not very bright, and I don't want to cause any trouble. Forget it. Don't think this will clear you. We're still busting you. Okay, so I'm busting for once I've beaten the army. While all these other guys are rotting here in the States, I'll be on the other side, and the army had nothing to do with it. I did it all myself. What the devil's that? I don't know, sir. Sounds like a special call. Captain Caldwell, did you hear the news? All movements, transfers, and furloughs have been canceled. Movements canceled. Sure. The whole outfit's going overseas. Darling, why didn't you? Sally never told me. Caldwell, step into my office. You've got a lot of explaining to do. Let me out of business. Cancel. Cancel. That's right. The whole division's going overseas. Overseas. Come on, let's speak up. That's right, Private Punchinello. Join your buddy. Come on, let's be getting on the floor. Private Punchinelli.