 The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with lovely little lady. Do you know that old saying, friends, about seeing is believing? Well, even seeing a big, beautiful mold of Jell-O can't make you believe how wonderfully good it is. No, you have to taste it to know what a marvelous flavor Jell-O really has to offer. The first shimmering spoonful of Jell-O will give you the whole story as nothing else can. You'll taste in it a gloriously rich flavor, yes, a flavor that calls up the pleasant memory of sunny summer orchards and berry patches. A flavor that's locked right into Jell-O by Jell-O's exclusive process. This new process makes Jell-O better than ever, gives you extra richness, extra pleasure. Prove it for yourself. Open a package of Jell-O. Notice that there's no telltale aroma, no sign of escaping fragrance and flavor. Then dissolve the tiny Jell-O particles and notice how Jell-O's captive goodness comes gushing out in a flood of wonderful richness. Get Jell-O tomorrow and enjoy the added delight of swell, tempting flavor locked in by Jell-O's new process. A lovely little lady played by the orchestra, and now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who was the sensation of the Easter parade this morning when his suspenders came wayer at Sunset and La Brea, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack, your little Easter Benny talking. And Don, how did you ever find out about that accident I had on Sunset Boulevard this morning? Were you around there? No, but I heard all about it, Jack. It must have been very embarrassing, all dressed up for the Easter parade and your suspenders break. Well, Don, I didn't mind so much when my pants fell down, but my laundry didn't come back and I had on those bloomers I wore in Charlie's Ann. You know, I felt like a darn fool, you know. Yeah, I can imagine. You must have looked awful standing there at all that lace and those ruffles. No, no, Don, apparently I was rather attractive. In fact, I heard a little boy ask his mother if I was Scarlett O'Hara. Of course, I had to admit that I wasn't. Incidentally, Don, speaking of Easter, I'm surprised that you're not wearing a new suit today. Well, I ordered one, Jack, but you know how big I am. Yeah? Well, to make a long story short, I was turned down by the War Production Board. Oh, well, I don't blame them, Don. I can see five sailors sleeping in hammocks made from your vest alone. And incidentally, that shirt you're wearing is the only army tent I ever saw with a soft collar. But don't worry about it, Don, of things well for Pete's sake. Well, what's the matter, Jack? You got a load of Harris over there. You never know it was Easter Sunday the way that guy's dressed. Hiya, Jackson. How's the old wreck today? Oh, fine. As a matter of fact, I just polished the Maxwell this morning. They'll mean you. I know who he means. Always has to come in with a wise crack. You said it. Hey, Jackson, did you hear about that big Turkish bath downtown that's going to close up? Close up? Yeah. They ain't got no rubber. Ha, ha, ha, ha. That's a lulu. Oh. Yes, that's a very clever gag. And it's elastic. It can fit anywhere. Oh, shut up. Say, you want to know a funny thing, Phil? Here I come to work today all shined up with a haircut, shave, new suit, and tie. And you come in wearing an old sport coat, baggy pants, and a polo shirt. Yeah. And you want to know another funny thing, Daddy? What? I still look better than you do. Well, I'd have a marvelous bill, too, if I wore padding in my shoulders like you. What are you talking about? I ain't got no padding in this coat. And you must have a horse collar in there. It can't be physique. In fact, you don't see me going in for those over stuff models. I like a nice, simple, dignified cut, you know? Well, you've got one there, Jack. That suit looks swell on you. Really? Yeah, you're a regular mo brummo. That's bo brummo. Bo. Mo. I know who made it. If you want to know something, mo brummel and suns have a very exclusive tailoring establishment. They don't take everybody, sister. They don't, eh? No. And why do they got four guys out in the sidewalk with meat hooks? That's only for a gag. If they drag you in there, you don't have to buy, and they have marvelous values. Feel the material down. How's that? Excellent. If I'm not too personal, Jack, how much that suit cost you? The price? Uh, $29.50. With two pair of pants. All right. And a waffle iron. All right. All right. And a set of golf clubs. One club, not a set. A little mashy niblick, and she makes it a bag full. Anyway, Don, if you want to know where the place is, come along with me tomorrow morning. I'm taking the suit back for alterations. Alterations? Why? That suit looks okay to me. I don't know, Don. The sleeves are a little too long, and the handle keeps coming off the niblick. They're, uh, they're good tailors, though. They'll fix it. Oh, Jack, could you tell Phil about that terrible accident you had this morning? What was terrible about it? I went walking down the street. My suspenders broke. My pants went to half-match, and I was standing there in a pair of bloomers. Wow! And I had to miss it. Boy, I'd give 10 bucks to see that. 10 bucks? Well, get your money out, Jasbo, and down they'll come. Hand over the dough. Oh, Jack, for heaven's sake, pull up your suspenders. Well, then let them get some money out or keep still about it. Showing off. Anyway, we were talking about my suit. Speaking of suits, Mr. Benny, how do you like the one that I'm... Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello. Speaking of suits, Mr. Benny, how do you like the one that I'm... How do you feel, kid? Oh, I'm fine. Thanks. Good. I had a little touch of dandruff, but I'm over it now. Good. Speaking of suits, Mr. Benny, how do you like the one I'm wearing? Well, it's all right, Dennis, but I don't think it fits you as well as it should. When did you buy it? I got it yesterday by accident. By accident? Yeah, I was looking in a store window downtown and all of a sudden I got a hook. Oh, you bought the suit at Drummo. Well, Dennis, when you get a new outfit, you're not supposed to stuff a lot of things in your pocket. Look at the way your right pocket is bulging. That's the waffle iron. I can't get it out. Oh. Say, Dennis, did you get a mashing nib like Jack did? No, I took the presto cooker instead. You got a presto with a plain suit? Gal, Donald, they told me you could only get a cooker with a tuxedo. Believe me, I'm going back to Brummel's first thing in the morning and raise heck. What are you laughing at? Pull up your bloomers. I can't see your shoes. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, Phil, it's about time for a cooker. I mean a band number, so let's have it. You better let Dennis sing first. I can't find my baton. Oh, you don't need a baton. Why don't you just wave at the boys? Look, if I wave at those guys, they'll put on their hats and go home. Oh, well, then look around for your stick. All right, Dennis, unplug your waffle iron and come over here. You got to sing. Okay. Imagine that kid walking in there accidentally and getting a presto cooker. Oh, well. I'd like to tell you if I have a simple story of undying love. Oh, it will fit if there weren't any rain. One thing that I know. Written by Lou Pollock and Herman Ruby and sung by Dennis Day. And Dennis, you sang that beautifully. Thanks, Mr. Benny. Of course, I got a little bit of a cold, you know. A cold? That's too bad. How'd you get it? Well, on April Fool's Day, I sneaked into my girl's apartment and hit in the electric refrigerator. Oh. I was going to say boo when she opened the door. That's a cute gag. What happened? Well, she didn't come home that night and they had to rub snow on me for three days. Oh, that's terrible. Get ready, Don. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what to do for your cold, Dennis. When you get home tonight, try some menthol on your chest. All right, Don. Menthol on your chest. Oh, Jack, please. Please, not this one. Don, I don't want any trouble. Menthol on your chest. But, Jack, I'm a college graduate. You can't do this to me. Menthol. Sorry, old man. Well, I'll be darned. He walked out. I don't blame him. Well, I'll tell you one thing. Don won't be back on this program until he reads that commercial. That's a fine way to treat him. Listen, Jackson, Wilson is the only real friend you got on this show. What? What about you and Mary and Dennis? Well, you know, it's just a job with us. Well, I'm certainly glad to know that. Me too. I never knew where I stood around here. Never mind. We'll discuss that later. And now, ladies and gentlemen, while Mr. Wilson is out in the hall sulking, I'd like to announce that for our feature attraction next week, we are going to... I can't understand why my gang doesn't love me. I'm good natured. I'm easy to get along with. I pay well. I beg your pardon? Well, I am easy to get along with. Our feature attraction next week will be a... Excuse me. Come in. Yes? I got a special delivery here for Mary Livingston. Oh. Here I am. Give it to me. Nope. Got a sign for it. You know, got a sign for it. Okay. Postal regulations. Don't blame me. She's signing. She's signing. I don't make the laws, you know. All right. Here. Here it's signed. If I broke the laws for you, I'd break it for everybody else. Asking you to break any laws. So long. Say, that guy's a little old for a messenger, boy. Ring doesn't mean anything to you, either, Bob. All right, Mary. Who's the letter from? My mama. Oh, fine. What's O'Roxy Hart got to say, anyway? Listen to this. My darling daughter, Mary, just received your long letter with check and close. We'll read it as soon as I return from the bank. He's a mercenary, old buzzard. Everyone is fine here except that your Uncle Willie has started drinking again. He bought a new Easter suit yesterday and he took a bottle opener instead of a presto cooker. Hmm. Even with the shortage of tires, we can't get him to go on the wagon. He's sure to. He's got a nose like a taffy apple. Quiet. Your brother, Hillard, is in the army and writes that he will not be able to be a general for some time as they are short of uniform. Some reason. You'll be happy to know that he won a medal shooting Japs. Let's see that. That's crap. Shooting crap. He won the medal in a dice game. Go ahead. I cannot tell you where Hillard is stationed as it is a military secret. However, this morning I received a big box from him with a kangaroo in it. He's probably in Iceland. I'm not giving away any information. No other news except that last night we all went to see Japs' latest picture to be or not to be. Well. Your stupid father thought it was wonderful. I might have known your mother wouldn't like me. We also saw Cecil B. DeMille's new movie, The Wild Wind with a Reap Seat. That's Reap the Wild Wind. Boy, is she pressing. Must close now as your sister Bade wants to use the fountain pen to make up her eyebrows. Much love, Mama. What a corny character. P.S. Always a P.S. If you read this letter to Jack, leave out the part where I ran down his picture. He's so hammy he's liable to kill himself. There's one woman that gets my goat. Mary, when you answer your mother, tell her if she didn't like me in my picture. I'll be glad to refund the 30 cents it cost her to see it. Oh, she probably sneaked in. She wouldn't pay to see it. Well, I'm going to send her the 30 cents anyway just to embarrass her. I saw your picture last night, Mr. Benny, and I stayed for three shows. Well. We sure are good to get in that warm theater after that refrigerator. Well, let me tell you something, Dennis. Any time you want to... Well, so Mr. Wilson has returned. All right, Don. Men fall on your chest. Oh, all right. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you... No, no, I will not be a big fat stooge. Well, he can stay out in the hall all night if he wants to. I can be just as stubborn as he can. Okay, Phil, let's have a band number. Sorry, Jacks, and I ain't found my baton yet. You need with your curling iron. I know it's standard equipment. Come on, let's have a number. Don Wilson thinks he's going to get paid for tonight. He's crazy. Easter parade played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. There you are. You see, Phil, you didn't need a baton at all. Your hands did the trick. Yeah, it was great. You know, Jackson, that's the way to lead a band. Certainly. Now I'm like Stakowski. Or Toscanini. Or Spamoni. Well, I knew if you'd talk long enough, you'd hit the jerkpot. Spamoni, Spamoni, Phil, is Italian ice cream. Well, thank heaven, I thought I said an naughty word. No, no, you're in the clear. Unless... No, no, ice cream is ice cream no matter how you look at it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started to announce, next week for our feature attraction, we are going to present a new type of quiz program in which I will personally give away $24 to each of five lucky people. In other words, I, Jack Benny, will give away a total of $120. This will be known as the miracle hour. No, no, no, it's a regular quiz show. You mean like Phil Baker's program, Take It or Leave It? Yes, except instead of Take It or Leave It, my program will be called Try and Get It. Remember the title, ladies and gentlemen, Try and Get It. Say, Dennis, would you like to be a contestant next week and try for the $24? I'd like to, but if I win, you'll twist my wrist. There'll be no violence. Anyway, folks, be sure and tune in next Sunday for our big quiz show. By the way, Jackson, did you hear Fred Allen on the quiz kids program? On the quiz kids? Yes, I heard him, and I'm glad you brought it up. Now, if you remember, Phil, Fred Allen was the quiz master. That is, he asked the question. But when I was on the quiz kids program, I sat right there with the kids and had to answer the questions. There's a difference. Wait a minute, what questions did you answer? There's a big difference. Believe me. I said, what questions did you answer? The difference between asking the questions and sitting there racking your brains out, trying to answer them. Well, all right. What questions did you answer? Well, for one, the Battle of Bull Run was fought on August 30, 1862. I had that date exactly right. Well, sure, you got a bullet in your leg to remember it by. I wasn't even there. Anyway, the point is, I answered the questions, and Allen only had to ask them, proving he's afraid to show the world how stupid he is. You weren't afraid by golly. Don Ryder, Dennis, that Allen goes around posing that he's such a genius, but he's really a phony. I don't know about that, Jackson. He don't waste no time answering your program every week. Oh, yeah? He thinks up gags as fast as I do. You don't know it, Phil, but you're on my side again. And I'll tell you something else. I'll tell you something else. If he keeps running down my show week after week, I'm going to take a little trip to New York and knock his teeth out. Say, Mr. Benny, how many teeth has Fred Allen got? Thanks, kid. Allen has one tooth, Dennis, and if he doesn't keep up his else-dos, he'll be all gummed. He hasn't eaten anything with gristle in it for over 30 years. The minute he walks into a restaurant, the waiter's holler, soup. And here's another thing. Every time... Uh-oh, here's Don Wilson again. Oh, yes. All right, Don. Men fall on your... Hmm. There he goes again. Can you imagine such a stubborn guy? Well, at least he's got pride. Mary, I wrote that commercial, and I insist that he read it. I'm running the show, and until we find... I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Hello, Rochester, what do you want? I'm quitting, boss, effective as of immediately. What do you mean you're quitting? What's the trouble? It's that crazy board of yours, Mr. Billersley. He's been chasing me around the house all day with a bow and arrow. What? And he keeps putting apples on my head. He thinks he's William Tell. William Tell? From the overture of the same name. Well, now, listen, Rochester, there's nothing to get excited about. Just humor him. Let him shoot an apple off your head. Rochester, he won't hit your head. The idea is to put a hole through the apple. Uh-huh. You see, uh... You see, Mr. Billingsley thinks he's Swiss, like William Tell. And the Swiss are very good shots. Did you ever see any of that cheese they send over here? Rochester. Rochester, you're not going to be shot full of holes. Mr. Billingsley is very good with a bow and arrow. Uh-huh. You know that bull's eye's got painted on the garage door? Uh-huh. He can hit it four times out of five. Well, until it's five out of five, don't fire, because I ain't ready griddly. Oh, what a scaredy cat. Rochester, when I get home, I'll let Mr. Billingsley do that trick with me and show you up. I'm going to prove you're a coward. Don't bother. I'll take an oath on it. Rochester, don't get hysterical. Mr. Billingsley just likes to have fun. So the minute I get home, I'm going to stand against the wall, put an apple on my head, and let him shoot it off. You better have your tube bay on stills. Never mind. I'm not afraid. Anyway, I'll be home in a few minutes. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? Can I have the evening off? I want to go down to Central Avenue for the Easter Parade. You had this morning off for the Easter Parade. That was just a rehearsal. Tonight we're going straight on down. Okay, okay, so long. Mr. Billingsley is such a playful fellow, and Rochester doesn't seem to understand him. Oh, well, maybe if I... He's here again. Yes, I'm here. All right, Don, the program is nearly over. Now for the last time, men fall on your chest. Oh, very well. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you go to your neighborhood grocer, be sure to buy a package of jello. The ladies think it's delicious. Here it comes, folks. And the men fall say it's chest wonderful. I hope you're satisfied. Well, I'll be... He'll pay for that door, or my name ain't Scarlett O'Hara. Play, Bill. Well, your next salad friend will have this delightful jello treat. It's a grand combination of sweet cucumber pickles and sunny lemon jello. And it's so easy and simple to make. All you do is dissolve one package of lemon jello in a pint of hot water, chill until slightly thickened, and add six small sweet cucumber pickles, finely cut. Then mold and serve as a salad, or if you wish, as a swell, spicy relish. Here's something mighty grand, a really enjoyable treat that will add lots of color and flavor to any meal you serve it with. So make up this tart, tempting blend of delicious sweet pickles and rich, golden lemon jello. Get a package of lemon jello tomorrow, and when you do, be sure to get genuine jello, because jello's new process locks in the flavor, makes it extra good. A little late next week at Camp Han. Good night, folks.